I knew it was wrong, but I felt powerless to stop it. I was just so pissed off and out for revenge that I dragged Aria into something I should have kept her out of. Now I can’t take it back.
DAMN.
We spent the night together. I made sure we kept our clothes on, but it didn’t matter. What happened between us went further than it should have and it’s my fault. Alpha knows I love her to the point of murdering anyone who dare harm her, but whose going to protect her from me? What I did was stupid. It was beyond stupid, and now I can’t look at her. I don’t know what to say to her.
After we both showered and she met me downstairs she had this smile on her face that made me feel sick to my stomach every time I see it in my mind. She tried hugging me, but I couldn’t do it. I had to stop her.
I’ve been avoiding her all day and it’s taking every ounce of strength I have in me to stay away from her.
“Something happen between you and Shadow?” Wake asks.
I look around and other inquiring minds would like to know the answer to that question as well. “We don’t mean to pry, but we heard you guys last night.” Willow chimes in. “And today…today we can’t help but notice that you’ve been avoiding her. That’s jacked up Havoc.”
“Nothing happened.” I sigh.
“It didn’t sound like nothing.” Hydro replies.
“We didn’t have sex.” I assure them.
“Then what happened?” Sky asks.
“Not that I owe any of you nosy fuckers an explanation, but let’s just say it was a fully clothed experience.”
“I’m so lost right now.” Despair throws up her hands.
“You guys were DRY HUMPING?” Crux blurted out loudly.
My eyes dart over to Aria who has a pained expression on her face. She heard Crux and now she’s on her way over. “Fuck.” I swear beneath my breath. Everyone’s eyes shift to Aria as she walks up to me with her arms folded across her chest.
“Are we good?” She asks.
“Yeah.” I reply avoiding her eyes.
“Then why are you avoiding me?”
“I’m not. I just have a lot on my mind.” I finally meet her gaze. It’s partially true.
“Can we talk?”
“We don’t need to talk. I said we’re good.”
She studies my eyes with laser like focus while I try to hold on to the façade long enough to convince her we’re good. “I love you.” She confides.
“I know.”
“Are you not going to say it back?” She asks.
“Do I have to?”
As soon as the words left my mouth I regretted it. Of course I loved her, I just didn’t want to talk about our relationship right now and she wouldn’t leave well enough alone.
“Okay, time out. Aria…you come with me.” Willow drags her away from me. “TALK TO HIM.” She told the others.
Wake, Hydro and Silt waited until the two of them were gone to address me. “I don’t know if you have a death wish or you’re a glutton for punishment, but you can’t do this. Not to Aria.” Wake tried to reason with me.
“Its not what you think.” I sigh.
“Really, because from the outside looking in it sounds like you dry-humped your way into her heart and now you’re thinking about running.”
“Its not that simple.”
“Then help me understand.”
“Katnis is pregnant.” I inform them. “She’s not taking our break up well and last night…last night she tried to kill herself and my child. What I saw…it broke me. I came back last night to be comforted and to tell Aria we needed to take a break for a few ticks but things got out of control FAST. I never should’ve touched her…I never should’ve touched her.”
Raking my hands through my hair and leaning back against the wall I clamped my hands behind my head. “Aria’s going to kill me.”
“Probably.” Hydro nods in agreement.
“I’m not trying to avoid her, I just don’t know what to say.” I shake my head. “Something tells me ‘hey, I know I dry-humped you three times last night and came every single time, but I can’t be with you right now because the fiancé I never told you about tried to kill herself and I’m afraid she’ll do it again’ isn’t going to cut it.”
“YEAH…good luck with that bro.” Silt pats me on the back.
My cell phone goes off. It’s Marcum. Given what I did and am about to do with his daughter, I’m hesitant to answer. I don’t have a choice.
“Havoc.” I answer the phone.
Marcum gives us the information we’re waiting for. He has a lock on Gavin’s location. I hang up the phone and put my intervention to an end. “Listen up.” I address everyone as they gather in the room. “This is the moment we’ve all been waiting for. Get ready. We leave in ten minutes.”
“To go where?” Noah asks.
“You’ll see when we get there.”
“How do we know it’s not a trap?”
“You don’t, but you’re more than welcome to stay here if you’re scared.”
Noah ignores me and whispers something to Qi. I hurry upstairs for a moment or two of silence but Aria enters my room.
Before I can speak she sweeps my legs and I come crashing down to the floor. She’s on top of me within seconds, straddling me, and her blade is at my throat. There’s both pain and rage in her eyes. She cuts deeper and deeper into my neck and I fear decapitation.
I raise my hands in the air and keep my eyes trained on hers. She’s overcome with emotion. If I say or do one wrong thing she’ll kill me. “I love you. I’m sorry.” I apologize to her.
Finally I see a glimmer of hesitation in her eyes. “Give me one reason I shouldn’t kill you right here and right now?” She says through gritted teeth.
“No.” I refuse.
“What?” She’s caught off guard.
“Get your damn blade off my neck.” I demand.
“You must have a death wish.” She leans into me, breaking the skin.
“I said GET. YOUR DAMN. BLADE. OFF. MY NECK.” I speak with authority. “If you were going to kill me you would have done it already.”
“Don’t tempt me.” She cuts deeper.
“Fine then, DO IT.” I call her bluff, pressing my neck down on her blade.
The fire in her eyes disappeared and so did her will to kill me. Gently, I removed the sword from her hand and set it beside me on the floor. I sit up, resting on my elbows and the two of us are locked in an intense gaze. She gently glides her thumb over the wound on my neck and stares at the blood on her thumb, middle and index fingers. She sticks her fingers in her mouth and sucks them. There’s a tent growing in my pants, but we don’t have time for this.
“I’m sorry, okay. We don’t have time to talk now, but when we get back, let’s talk.”
She nods, stands up, and helps me up off the floor. Without a doubt I know she loves me because Aria has never hesitated to kill ANYONE. I have to be careful with her from now on. I can’t ever be careless with her feelings again, which means I have to do the one thing I’m not even sure I have the strength to do. I have to let her go.
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