For the second time Aria has tried to end my life, but that’s not what’s bothering me. It’s the images I saw in her head as she tried to do it. Did she really endure all of that or is this just another one of her parlor tricks? There’s no way she went through that kind of hell, is there?
It doesn’t matter. I’m only here to do one thing and that is to produce an heir. We’re already tied to each other for life, so fuck it, why not add a kid into our psychotic fucking family. The more dysfunctional, the better.
Standing before me naked and pleading with me not to do this, I tilt Aria’s chin up and press my lips against hers. She tastes every bit as good as I remember, causing me to pull away. This is going to be harder than I thought. Kissing her sends all my love for her rushing to the forefront, which is the last thing I want.
I try to kiss her a second time and the same thing happens. I can’t touch her without wanting her. This fucking sucks. She broke my heart and now I have to give her a child neither of us wants. I wish she‘d let me die. Anything is better than enduring this shit and something tells me the feeling is mutual.
Fuck it…
Fighting it is a lot harder than embracing it, so I stop fighting. Her soft skin provokes an erection and passion in an amount I didn’t even think possible threatens to turn me into an animal.
Surprisingly Aria kisses me back. I wouldn’t. If I could physically rip her fucking heart out, I would, but since that would only land me in the Fortress, I’ll settle for her emotional heart. I’m hell-bent on burying anything and everything between us until she’s nothing but a bitter fucking memory. In fact, I’ve told her as much but for some reason she’s still holding on to an idea of us that won’t ever come true for her.
Normally I’d make love to her, but today…today I’m going to fuck her to the point of forgetting her own name, hope it results in an heir, and then wash my hands of this whole fucked up situation. It doesn’t.
I spent hours burning my touch into her mind, her heart and her soul and three days later nothing has happened. There’s no baby and no freedom. Alpha is obviously conspiring against me. He knows I don’t want to ever have to touch her again and he’s punishing me.
We try again and reach the same result. Concerned, my parents have both Aria and I tested for infertility. We’re both fine and we should have conceived an heir by now, but we haven’t, and each time I have to enter her it burns my fucking soul.
I’m locked in a room with the girl who broke my heart…my first love, and all I feel is contempt. “I don’t know what we’re doing wrong.” Aria turns to address me.
“Maybe you’re being punished for having a kid with Noah.” I suggest.
“Maybe.” She gazes at me with her sad, pathetic, pain-filled eyes.
The room grows silent for several minutes until my phone chimes to life. It’s Qi, and I can feel Aria’s eyes on me. “Stop staring at me.” I glance in her direction.
She quickly looks away but I know she’s going to say something. She always says something. “I’ve been thinking and, I don’t want to bring a child into a world where we don’t love each other.” Her voice is like nails on a chalkboard.
“I guess that’s probably why it hasn’t happened yet.” I scoff, shaking my head.
Again I meet her glance but quickly wish I hadn’t. She has this look on her face like I just kicked her puppy. Another long silence follows and I embrace it. Silence is good because it means she’s no longer talking and I no longer have to hear her voice.
“How is she?” Aria asks.
“Who?”
“Qi. How is she in bed?” She asks.
I sit up and turn to face her wondering if she really wants to know the answer. “Aria…”
“Is she better than me? I mean does she satisfy you? Do I?”
I have no idea where this is going but I’d like to buy myself a one-way ticket out of ‘Fuck Me Ville’. I refuse to answer her question, but that only fuels her paranoia.
“Are you in love with her Thien?”
“YES!” I blurt out before I can stop myself.
Holy shit…I’m in love with Qi…When the fuck did that happen…? Or am I? I don’t even fucking know anymore, I just want Aria to stop asking me all of these questions…
My outburst leads to more tears and I really want to kill myself right now but the guards took all of the weapons out of the room after Aria went all Freddy Krueger on me.
Now that she’s not talking or asking me a million questions I’m able to determine I don’t love Qi at all, I just prefer her company over Aria’s at the moment. If I don’t get her pregnant sometime soon, I’m gonna go insane.
So far I’ve only tried being a dick, which has gotten us nowhere, so I decide on a different approach. Forgiveness.
C’mon Thien, you can do it…just put your lips together and say it…I forgive you…
Forcing Aria to look at me, I lean in to kiss her, but she turns away. She’s hurt. In fact all I’ve been doing is hurting her for as long as I can remember and its time I stopped. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it.” I apologize. “And I’m not in love with Qi, I’m in love with you.”
Again I force her to look at me, and this time she complies. “You said you didn’t love me anymore.” She stares at me with so much pain I want to look away. She’s not sure if she should trust me or run, but these are the realest moments she’s ever going to get out of me.
“I know what I said and I’m an asshole for saying them, because they’re not true. I was just trying to hurt you.”
“Job well done.” She replies. “Thien I’m sorry for hurting you. I really am. If I could take it all back and do something different I would. I would stay the hell away from Noah and I’d fight like hell for you.”
“Same here. I didn’t end things between us to hurt you when Katnis was pregnant. I was trying to protect you. And this whole thing with Qi…its just sex. It’s pointless, meaningless sex to help get me by.” I explain. I swallow hard because the next words out of my mouth are both poisonous and freeing at the same time. “I forgive you.”
Aria reels back and her eyes fill with what I hope are happy tears. She wraps her arms around me and thanks me repeatedly while I hold her.
My defenses come down and it dawns on me that I need this just as much as she does. In liberating her, I’ve liberated myself.
“I really don’t want to bring a child into this world without you.” She tells me.
“You won’t. I’ll be there. I promise.”
Aria smiles for the first time in weeks. I don’t have the heart to tell her my being there doesn’t mean we’ll be together because she’s happy and that’s where I need her to be if we’re ever going to conceive.
Please let us conceive soon….
Her son is still out there and is Gavin. I need her focused if we’re ever going to retrieve the weapons before Gavin figures out how to activate them.
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