I have to get out of here and I have to get away from Noah. I can forgive a lot of things, but screwing Qi isn’t one of them. Not to mention what he plans to do to my family. I have to warn them somehow.
The door to my bedroom opens and I’m nauseous at the thought that it might be Noah. It’s not, but it’s someone just as sick and demented as he is. “Here, you’re going to need these.” Qi tosses me my weapons.
“I don’t understand.”
“You can thank Havoc.” She smiles. But it’s the hidden euphoria behind her eyes that makes my stomach turn. Well, that and the fact that she’s trying to help me.
I didn’t want to believe Noah when he told me what happened between them, but I can see it in her eyes. “He slept with you.” I sulked.
“Oh sweetheart he did more than that. But do you know what the craziest part is?”
“Enlighten me.” I glare at her.
“He did it for you.” She smirks. “Well not the first time. The first time was a drunken accident, but the second time…that time he did it for you.”
“What you’re saying doesn’t make sense.”
“Stay with me beautiful.” Qi replies, creating a barricade in the room. “He wanted to know where you were and I told him I’d tell him if he gave it up…so he did.”
I want to lunge at her, but Noah has me trapped in a damn glass box. “When I get out of here I’m going to kill you. You’ll wish you never put your damn hands on him.” I growl.
“Ah-ah-ah…be nice or I won’t let you out to play with the rest of us.” She wags her finger at me and then tosses me a pill. “Take it when I give you the signal.”
“How will I know what that will be?”
“Oh…you’ll know.” She replies, heading for the door.
“Wait! What about my son?” I ask.
“That’s going to be a little trickier now that Noah’s inside his head.” She replies.
Qi exits the room and I stare down at the pill wondering if it’s a trick. There’s a loud explosion and the house rumbles. I wait, bracing myself for whatever battle is to come and then the door to my room opens. I steady my blades ready to slice through any and everything until I see his face. Thien. I sheathe my blades and take the pill Qi gave me out of my pocket, popping it into my mouth.
Moments later, the glass prison Noah placed me in is gone. “Don’t just stand here Aria, we have to go!” Willow grabs my wrist and drags me out of the room. I follow them through a Vortex leading to my home with Thien on Blood Harbor. When I look back, an explosion erupts taking my prison with it.
“I knew she was going to double-cross me.” Thien began to swear beneath his breath.
“Its Qi we’re talking about…she’d double-cross her own mother for Noah.” Willow scoffs.
Thien’s eyes fall on me and he reaches out to touch me, but I flinch. I need to be alone. After racing to the bathroom, I lock the door behind me and stand under the showerhead for hours trying to erase every trace of Noah from my body. I went through a constant loop of vomiting, brushing my teeth and showering.
Beneath the doorframe I can see Thien’s feet. He’s parked right outside the door and I know he can hear me spazzing out in here like a lunatic. He asks if he can come in but I don’t respond. I keep hearing Noah’s words in my head.
He hates you…he doesn’t love you…you’re unlovable…that’s why he chose to beat you down instead of listening to you…he wants you to die…
Sinking to the floor, I began to cry uncontrollably. Eventually the shower went cold. I turned the water off and wrapped a towel around me. I could still see his feet beneath the door, but if I didn’t get clothes on I was probably going to freeze to death.
Sure enough, the moment I opened the door he was standing right there. His eyes were soft and remorseful. Sensing I needed some space, he backed away from the door and let me walk past.
I threw on some black pleather jeggings, a black racer-back shirt that fell to my thighs, my signature black leather boots and my black leather jacket. “Are you going to talk to me or avoid me?” Thien asks.
You know what…as a matter of fact I did have a few things to say…like how fucked up it was that he slept with Qi…but I fucked Noah again so I had no room to talk…
“What do you want to talk about?” I turn to give him my attention.
“Well, for starters, how‘s Reaper?” He asks.
“I don’t know…I haven’t seen him in days, but Noah won’t hurt him. He needs him.” I sigh. “How was Qi?”
The words just slipped right out of my mouth. Thien took a deep breath and a couple steps back. “Aria….”
“Why would you do that?” I ask.
I can think of a few reason why…he hates you…he doesn’t love you…you’re unlovable…
“To find you!” He shouted. “I did it to find you.”
“No. Don’t lie to me!”
“Aria, I know what Noah’s been doing to you. I know the kinds of things he’s been saying, but they’re not true…I love you.”
“No. You hate me.”
“I could never hate you.” He took a step closer to me. “And what I did to you during training…baby I fucked up. I’ve been doing a lot of that.”
Thien took another step closer to me and I could feel his breath on my face now. The wintergreen smell of the mints he often chews, brought my mind back to calmer times. Innocent times. He reaches up to touch my face and the familial warmth of his hands brought tears to my eyes.
He’s lying to you…he hates you…he doesn’t love you…you’re unlovable…
“No!” I quickly back away from him. I rush out of our bedroom door and into the hall where my family is waiting.
“Aria!” Syria practically leapt into my arms. “Are you crying?”
“Yeah, but they’re tears of joy kid.” I force myself to smile and hug her.
“Its nice to have you back.” Lucas smiles, embracing me.
“Is everything alright?” My father looks over at Thien, concerned.
“Yeah, she just needs some time…and space.” Thien replies.
“Not from me I hope.” Bleak steps up to hug me. “I’m not done with you yet.”
“No. Not from you.” I smile.
“Come, the medics will need to take a look at you.” My father chimes in.
I follow him to the infirmary and everyone leaves me to give me privacy but Thien. He stays by my side while the medics run several tests on me. His eyes remained fixed on me the entire time.
“What happened Aria?” Thien asks.
“Noah’s got his hooks in Reaper. That’s why the Republic wants him dead. He’s been communicating with Reaper since birth, molding his mind to think and believe a certain way. But Reaper’s not stupid. He knows there’s more than what Noah tells him. I was able to reach him once, but then Noah started keeping us apart.”
“Is that why you stayed? Is that why you decided to play the dutiful wife?”
“Yes.” I swallow hard. There was a hint of anger in his tone.
“Princess Bliss, your health is one hundred percent. We’ve taken the liberty of renewing your seal between you and the future King.” The medics inform me.
“Is it unbreakable this time?” I ask.
“We took extra precaution.”
“Yes, but it is unbreakable!” I snap at her, surprised by my outburst.
“The Princess is under a lot of stress. I’m sure its fine.” Thien dismisses them.
They leave the room and he holds out his hand to help me down off the gurney. Together we take the long walk of shame back to our room. I don’t want to look at anyone because it feels like they’re all judging me or pitying me. I’m an assassin and I’ve sustained worse damage physically, but psychologically I’ve been fucked.
“Stop looking at me like that.” I snap at Thien.
“I’m sorry, I just…I haven’t seen you in weeks.”
“Have you wanted to?” I ask.
“Every day since you left.” He nods.
“Thien, I haven’t been faithful to you.”
“I knew what was probably happening the moment I felt the seal break.”
“You’re not mad at me?” I ask.
“I wouldn’t say that, but…Aria…I’m just glad to know where you are. I’m glad I can reach out and touch you and you’re not just my mind playing tricks on me.”
“So then you are mad at me?”
“N…yes. I’m pissed, but we can talk about that later.”
“No…no…I want to talk about it now.” I insist.
“Aria-”
“Please. Just do it now.”
The quicker you break my heart the better. I know you hate me and the sooner you tell me there’s no hope for us, the sooner I can stop hoping for a life with you where you don’t hate me or aren’t disgusted with me…I’m disgusting…
“Fine. This is the second time you’ve betrayed me and I’m starting to doubt pledging my life to you was a good thing. We’ve spent more time at each other’s throats and sleeping with other people than we have with each other.” Thien went first.
Here we go…cue the sound of my breaking heart…
“I’m pissed that you slept with Qi, whether it was to find me or not. She’ll use it against me. And while I don’t have any room to talk, I’d be lying if I said it doesn’t sting just a little. I did what I did with Noah because it was the only way he’d trust me. I wanted to reach Reaper before he became too corrupt.” I confide. “And I’m pissed that you chose to take me out during training. I’m not pissed about the bruising or the fact that you made a choice…I’m pissed that I was the ONLY choice for you. You wanted to take me out and you were punishing me for the things I’ve done when you could’ve just TALKED TO ME.”
“So where do we go from here?” He asks.
“Where do you want to go?”
“Don’t do that. Don’t put this all on me.” Thien shook his head.
“I don’t know what you want.”
We both retreat into silence. What I want is for him to say he loved me despite the foolish mistakes I’ve made. What I want is for him to understand why I made the choices I’ve made. What I want is his forgiveness. What I want is for him to say we’ll be okay…but he doesn’t. What’s left of my heart shatters into a million pieces.
“Ar…I love you and that will never change, but the things you’ve done to me…the things we’ve done to each other…I need time.”
He needs time…great…the love of my life needs time to figure out whether he still wants to be with me or not…and do you know why…its because he hates you…he doesn’t love you…you’re unlovable…and you’re a fuckup Aria…you ruin everything you touch and he SHOULD leave your ass…you don’t deserve to be happy…you deserve a life of loneliness and sadness followed by a slow excruciatingly painful death…
Tears fell from my eyes and I quickly wiped them away. “How much time?” I ask.
“I don’t know.” He shrugs.
Being in love with him is like suffering from a cancer that’s entered into your bloodstream and infected your entire body. I’m at his mercy and we both know it. While he can never undo our union, there are other ways of becoming non-existent in a persons life if you truly want to.
Everything was fine until I got involved with Noah and now it’s like the universe is taking a giant planet sized shit on my life.
I nod because I can’t speak. If I even open my mouth to say anything, nothing but uncontrollable sobbing will come out. He’s wounded and he has every right to be, but damn this shit hurts. I knew there was a possibility I might lose him, but I was still hopeful he would understand and take me back. I was wrong…I was so wrong.
Hold it together Aria…hold it together…
Silently I leave our bedroom and make it outside to the side of the building before the pain swelling in my chest gives way to uncontrollable, painful, weeping.
ns 15.158.61.52da2
