My furrowed eyebrows had given Maggie every answer she had needed.
"Are you fucking stupid?" I grabbed her by the collar of her shirt, my head cocked like a curious dog. "You need help getting high, so you come to me hoping for a freebie? What makes you think I even sell anymore?"
Maggie pushed me away, continuing to nervously itch her arm. Why had she come to me? She had known that I didn't want anything to do with her, yet she had still miraculously found me. I had no nice answer for Maggie. There was no compassion left for her inside of me. She had been a drugged up, whore shell of her former self - I had needed nothing from her, and I had intended to make it clear that she would get nothing from me.
"No. I don't want that." Maggie had given me her typical eye-aversion, the same she had always given when she messed up. "I need to stop doing them. I need your help, please."
Looking back at Ava, who seemed to have slowly been moving closer as she saw my violent interaction with Maggie. "Ask your parents or something. I don't owe you shit, Maggie."
"I haven't talked to them since we moved to Dakota Springs." Maggie looked back at me. "That is something that you do owe me. You took everything from me, don't you realize that?"
Suddenly, I had felt the pain of my fingernails digging into my palms. It had been at that moment that I had remembered the words Kylie said to me, the words that caused the giant disaster that I had called my life. It had only been that memory of Kylie's tears that caused me to hold back. I stepped backwards, shaking my head - resisting myself, resisting a long sleeping anger that Maggie had awoken.
"You killed my sist-"
Maggie had been interrupted by Ava, speaking only loud enough to overpower Maggie.
"Stop it. You don't need to say that." Ava approached Maggie, grabbing and lifting her scabbed arm. "I don't know what happened between you two, but you two also know a lot about each other, the worst parts and the best. Even if you aren't together anymore, isn't that reason enough to help each other when you need it?"
"I can't do anything." I sighed, my fist eased itself open. "I don't have all of your answers, Maggie. Never have, never did."
"I can, I think."
Ava let go of Maggie's arm and pulled out her phone, scrolling and tapping her way until she found the name she had been looking for. Ava walked away as the phone began to ring, leave both Maggie and I alone for what had been the first time in nearly a year - since I had left her. She cleared her throat as I could vaguely hear Ava talking on the phone a good distance away.
"Sorry." Maggie brushed her hair behind her ear. "I just don't know how to be by myself anymore. My boyfriend just OD'd the other day and my mom won't answer her phone. I don't really talk to my friends anymore, either...you were the only place I could go. I'm not surprised you said no, but I don't know what else to do."
As I ran my hand over my face, I had calmed enough to speak rationally. "I wasn't going to help you, either. After seeing you like this, any feelings I had left for you are gone. You aren't Maggie anymore. You're just using her name."
Maggie laughed. "Isn't that what all of us are doing? Don't act like you're any different now, Cyrus. You're just as cynical and pessimistic as you've always been, I can see it in your eyes. You, of all people, are wearing the masks you so despise for that girl? Is she worth it, Cyrus?"
"I think so." I looked over to the lithe frame that stood in the darkness. "You were a different type for me, like I was able to be open with you about everything. I don't know if it was just because of how long we've known each other, but it came more easily. With her, I feel like if I don't hold back, I'll hurt her. I'll say something that I'm not supposed to say."
"Just so you know, Cyrus. I regret it. I hate myself for it. I don't think a day has gone by where I don't think about going back in time and redoing all of it." Maggie wiped the bottom of her eye. "I miss this, our connection, the way we could just talk about anything and not worry about the judgement. Maybe it's because you're the closest thing that I have left to Kylie, I don't know."
Coldly, I nodded. Had she really meant all of that, or had it been her desperate need for a high that made her try to goad me? "Well, it's too late for any of that now, isn't it?"
Had I really been that cynical? Was Maggie really trying to use our relationship to possibly get drugs from me, or had I really been looking too far into the nothingness that was her eyes? The emptiness of her eyes, the hollowness of her words, they seemed familiar - as though I had been looking at the mirror - at myself. Had I been that shallow, empty enough to fall into the desperation that was drugs and sex?
Ava had reappeared just as I had ended my own self-interrogation. Stilling holding her phone, Ava nodded as though she had accomplished something good.
"I have a friend who works in rehab, and he said he could get you in one pretty close with his recommendation." Ava approached Maggie again. "He said he'll be here tomorrow to pick you up, so why don't you stay at my house? My parents won't be home until the day after tomorrow."
Ava's openness to Maggie had shocked me. Why had she been so willing to let a druggie into her home, where she could steal any number of things to sell for drugs - and then just as easily leave. Ava's blind trust of Maggie had perturbed me some, and there had been no way that I was going to let that happen. Not if I had a choice.
Maggie shook her head. "Why would you do that? I'm just the ex of your boyfriend."
Ava had given Maggie an odd expression, as though she had been wondering why any of that had been relevant. "Just because you're his ex doesn't mean that I have to automatically hate you, or something. It's awkward, but you asked for help when you needed it. So, I'm going to do what I can to help you out."
Maggie, while appearing suspicious, nodded and gave an unsure smile. "Thank you."863Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqVBpUD3fgL
__
After what had been a slow, awkward taxi ride to Maggie's house to pick up her clothes, we had finally arrived at Ava's house. While it had been dark, the patio's light shone brightly as though it had been trying to push away the night - or thieves, more realistically. Ava ran ahead and up the stairs, where she had fidgeted with the doorknob.
"If you even think about stealing from her, I will kill you." I hissed at Maggie as I had gotten out of the car. "Don't think I"m kidding. I'm not."
Maggie remained silent, following me out of the back seat. Walking around the taxi, I pulled out my wallet and handed the driver a clean hundred dollar bill. As he drove off, I found Ava waiting at the door to her home. It had appeared that Maggie was already inside - something I hadn't liked. I hadn't trusted Maggie as far as I could have thrown her.
However, Ava had been of the other mindset - trust all until proven they can't be trusted. This had been what got people killed, or robbed, and I hadn't been about to let that happen to Ava. Not now, not when I was around, or ever.
"So, I got the couch?" I smiled, leaning against the frame of her door as I watched her bite her lip.
"No. You're going home." Ava gave a toothy smile in return as her hand grabbed mine. "My parents would murder me if they knew that I let a guy stay the night."
"But they wouldn't with a drug addict?" I sneered. "I'm an innocent guy. I'm waiting until marriage for that kind of stuff, like all good Christian boys should."
Ava leaned her head to her left, seeming to peek at the neighbors window with her crescent-shaped eyes. "Fine, but only the couch. Listen like all good Christian boys do."
"Sure, sure." my sarcasm had been clearly emphasized.
Grabbing my other hand, Ava pressed her head against my chest. As she began to rest some of her weight against me, I had heard the soft, patterned breathing come from her mouth. Ava had been so small, so thin, like a delicate vase at a museum - nobody had touched her for fear of breaking her. It had been at that moment that I realized I had towered over her. I knew I had been taller, but not to that degree.
She, indeed, had appeared so breakable, so easily hurt by the smallest shove. Why had everything about her seemed so large? Why hadn't I noticed any of this before? Had it not been important, or had I been overcome by her larger-than-life personality? Ava had been something special, something untouchable, especially by my own hands.
"About earlier, I wanted to thank you for letting me do something to help you." Ava said quietly. "I know that you feel you have to put up this disguise of hating her because she's your ex, but it was obvious you wanted to do something, Aiden. Your eyes give away a lot about you."
I stayed silent, only running my fingers through her hair. Warmth, a sense of fulfillment, and something that had resembled hope had washed over my skin. "That so? Maybe you're right, or wrong. I don't really know."
"Playing dumb?" I felt her silent laugh, her right hand latching on to my shirt. "I know what I saw, because I used to see it in the mirror every day. The tears stopped coming, and all I was left with was the pain."
"Don't." I murmured. "You were saying thank you, not apologizing. Make it sound that way, at least."
"You're right. I don't want to start sounding like you." Ava let go of me and backed into the door, smiling. "Come inside, I'll get you a blanket or something."
I followed.
"You should be honored to sound like me. I'm the most brilliant thing this world has ever seen." I returned. "People just...don't know it yet."
ns 15.158.61.20da2
