Time swept by once more, and I found myself healed of all the wounds given to me - as they say, time heals all wounds. Well, that saying had only been partially true. Time only healed all physical wounds, yet it would not phase emotional wounds - the trauma of losing something you put your faith and heart into on a daily basis - someone you saw constantly, and someone who you saw in your future - it would never heal the trauma of losing the only thing you love, ever.
Depressing? Yeah. At that moment, I wished I was anyone but me. If I was anyone else, this wouldn't have happened. Kylie and I wouldn't have had to sneak around, and we wouldn't have needed to be fight everyone and everything every step of the way. It was my own fuck-ups that had led us here, and nothing else. Kylie had been put through a hell she never needed to know, all because of me.
Of course, I loved her. I loved everything about her, and I loved living every second of my life when I was with her. She had made all of the pain worth it, and she had made my life worth living. That was why I decided to leave her alone. I never wanted to see the girl I loved be put through the pain of seeing her family get ripped apart before her eyes. She didn't deserve that, she never needed to go through that, and I didn't want her to be like me. I didn't want her feeling the pain of seeing her family fall apart because of her actions.
As soon as I got back home, my mom had showed me a restraining order. In gist, it said I wasn't allowed to make contact with Kylie aside from school. That had pretty much been her father's way of saying 'stay away or get locked up' in so many words. What choice did I have? I had to stay away, or it would have only hurt her more. I was only protecting her from pain. That was my job as a man.
While Kylie would've hated me for it, it was the best choice for everyone. She would've realized it the day she found someone she deserved, someone that wasn't me or like me. Someone better, someone that had been worth a damn, and someone that wouldn't have ruined her life. None of those things had been me, and they never would've been me. I was everything she had wanted, but nothing she needed. In ten years, she would've thanked me for leaving her life. That was my thought, at least.
"...Aiden." Kylie stood next to the classroom door, her arms crossed. "Why aren't you talking to me? Can you please tell me if I did something?"
I passed her into the classroom without words. I couldn't have said anything to her, otherwise I would've given in. I knew myself better than anyone, and I knew that I would crumble if we spoke. It had been days since I last spoke to her, figuring that she had known why. I figured we both knew that it was all over.
Sitting down next to me, Kylie yanked out a simple notebook. With haste, she had written in her typical handwriting, elegant and feminine, masterful and trained. It was as though the words were already printed onto the paper. Kylie had finished, and brought the notebook over to my desk. Would this have worked? Had this been a way of communicating with her without giving in?
"If you aren't going to talk to me, then write to me." the ink read as I took the pen.
"I'm done with you, Kylie. Sorry." I paused as I wrote, speaking as I pushed the notebook back. "Leave me alone from now on."
Needless to say, Kylie had looked somewhat shocked, and I wouldn't have been surprised if she had smacked me across the face for it. She hadn't done that, nor did she say anything back. Just as the bell had rung, she stood up and had nearly bolted out of the class. It wasn't but several seconds later that a friend had went running after her, shooting daggers at me with her eyes as she followed Kylie out of the class.
It was simple. The more Kylie hated me, the easier it would have been for her to forget about me. Even if she sat right next to me. That had been the whole thing, to make her hate me, to make her forget about, and to make her move on from me. It was all for her, all of it. None of this was for me, none of me even wanted to do this. This was my last, rather, my only resort.
Moments had passed before her friend had come back through the door, and motioned me to follow her out. Walking around my desk, I hesitantly walked through the door and followed her down the hallway, where she suddenly stopped in front of me and studied disapprovingly, almost as though she had been a parent. I never planned on budging, this had been for Kylie's sake. All of it.
"She's in the bathroom crying a like fucking toddler." she pushed me. "You can't just tell a girl to leave you alone for no reason. Do you have any idea how much that hurts?"
I stood for a moment, eyes veered. "Whatever."
"Whatever?" she pushed again. "...and to think I that I helped her defend you. You're a complete asshole, you loser."
"I never asked for that." I sneered, my eyes slowly became covered by the hair that had fallen over my head. "I'm doing this for her. It doesn't matter where we go, all we're ever going to see is dead ends. It doesn't matter how far we go or how hard we try, we're just going to run into something else. I'm not worth all this trouble. Even if I tell her, she won't listen to me. It'll just be the same thing all over again."
"You know, I don't know if she's told you, and it's probably not my place to say this...but she's liked you for a long time, like when you first started coming here." she responded. "While everyone was calling you weird, me included, she was always watching and looking around for you. I really didn't understand what she saw in you, but it was obviously real...and it still is."
If she was telling me the truth, that had shocked me. If that had been the truth, then why didn't Kylie do something earlier before I fucked myself up? Had it been because I wasn't fucked up enough for her? Had she been into messed up guys or something? Was there something wrong with me that held her back - or had it simply been that she was just as bad with people as I was?
"Just tell her, then. I don't know the whole story, but she won't get it unless you tell her. That's what I do know." the blonde passed me. "She's thick."
As the blonde walked off, I stood in the silence of the hallway. The very confidence I had built was shaken, the very determination I built had been destroyed with just a few words. Had it been all that strong to begin with, though? Had this been something I really wanted to do? Had I wanted to leave Kylie, to see her in pain? I seriously, and foolishly, thought I was ready to go through with it all. I was going to, yet I couldn't let go.
In reality, I did nothing but trick myself into thinking I had been strong enough to let go of the only thing that had ever returned the love I gave. I was fucking stupid, like seriously fucking stupid. Stupider than fucking stupid. I was a complete dumbshit. What I had thought was better for her, had only been good for me. I was the one who hadn't wanted to feel this end, and I had been the one who desperately needed her in his life. She hadn't needed me, but I needed her.
Turning and walking to my right, I smashed my palm into the nearest locker - only slightly phasing it - yet allowing me to take out my stupidity on something other than myself. Again, my palm met the locker, then a third round. As my palm thudded with sedated pain, I headed to nearest bathroom, and had finally found the girls bathroom. While it had been dead silent inside, I gave a sharp knock to the door and waited.
Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
Resting my back against the frame of the door, I let myself slide down it until my rear-end had hit the ground. Knocking again, the silence had only continued. Had she even been in there, or had her friend been lying to me? Knocking and waiting, knocking and waiting - there had been no answer - not even a sign of life had been in that bathroom. Yet, I had waited there like a dog waits for its owner to come home. I had waited, waited until I saw black.
Heh. Maybe I was just tired. I don't think I had slept all that well for the past few days, maybe that was why my reasoning was so fucked, or maybe that was just another good excuse to come out of my mouth. They were the same, no? What was the point in trying when I only continued to hurt myself, and the others around me? Why did I insist on hurting others when I only wanted to hurt myself?
_____
"Aiden....Aiden...Hey. Aiden!" I opened my eyes to see a blurry, brunette form.
"...What?" I sat up, brushing my hair back as I looked around.
Had I fallen asleep in the hallway? What period had it been? Kylie had been sitting in front of me with her backpack to her right. Her hair had now been tied back, and if she really been crying, then she had redone her makeup. That, or her friend had been lying about it all. Kylie held her phone in her hand, gripping it tightly with what had likely been the angriest expression I had ever seen on her.
"I asked my dad if he did something else...he told me about the restraining order. One of his friends is a judge, that's the only reason it could have went through." Kylie pulled herself closer to me, resting her head on my shoulder - where I had caught a view of the time on her phone - only to find out that I literally passed out for an entire school day, without anyone looking for me.
Scene from Chapter 1 (slightly rewritten/edited from the first chapter, skip if you want. Will edit first chapter to mirror this when I'm not feeling as lazy.)
It was in the afternoon, just past two o'clock and the hallways were void of life, outside of myself and Kylie. We sat, hand in hand, with our backs against the wall. While not a word was said between us at this time, the thumping of my heart had more than made up for it. It was love, a love that was meant to be - fated - and that was something I was absolutely sure of. I had no doubts that I would be with her until the day I passed. After seeing her again, and hearing what her friend had to say, it was clear that this was the truth for me. I would be with Kylie until I died.
Kylie ever so silently lifted her head from my shoulder, so quietly that I hadn't noticed any sort of movement. It was only when her palm glided down my thigh that I had felt anything. Her hand stopped right above the zipper of my jeans, and with a gentle, yet nervous touch, her hand had enveloped the entire area. It was only then that my, admittedly innocent, brain had somewhat caught on to the situation.
"Aiden," Kylie nearly whispered. "I want to do..."
The clear nervousness in her voice piqued my interest, as I had never heard that exact tone come from her. Attempting to keep my voice at a similar level, I tried to ignore the hand on my crotch. "What do you want to do?"
Kylie tightened her grip on my hand, her shaking had given away just how nervous she had been. Her stomach caved in with a deep, almost exaggerated-looking breath of air before releasing a loud shaky exhale. I wasn't quite able to catch her drift within those four words, and I had only made it that much harder for her. Kylie looked at me, and this time, had said it point-blank.
"Aiden, I want it to be you," she paused. "I want to have sex with you."
I'm sure my jaw dropped some. Kylie had made her intentions as clear as day. I, needless to say, was a bit speechless. There was no prior warning, and she had nearly yelled those words through an empty hallway. Her eyes began to glisten with a sudden stubbornness I had never seen from her. I had no idea what to say, and I'm sure it was written all over my red face.
"My sister is on vacation and she has everything...we need." Kylie stopped, and lifted up her phone. "We can just tell our parents that we are spending the weekend at a friends house. We can have them back us up, too. We'll have the whole weekend to ourselves, Aiden. Just you and me."
Kylie frantically looked up from her phone and continued to talk in similar manner. "I'm sure if I talk to my sister about it, we can use the other room whenever we want." Kylie almost seemed like she was on the verge of a breakdown after only moments of speaking, for the sole reason of convincing me. "Please?"
"If that's what you want." I smirked, unsure of the answer I had given her. Her blank expression hadn't helped me any, either. "Oh, and I'm sorry...I thought I was doing it for you, but I was only protecting myself from being hurt. I didn't think about how it would effect you or make you feel.
"I don't blame you, and you don't have to apologize. I kind of understand why you did it...but it hurt. It hurt like hell until I kind of figured out that you were acting weird, so I asked him. It's fine." Kylie stood up, almost as though she brushed the whole thing off already, carrying a small smile.
"Meet me at the park tonight."
ns 15.158.61.20da2
