"Next Sunday?" I questioned. "I have plans, but I think I can make it sometime  in the afternoon."

"Cool." she nodded, passing the bong back. "Don't you think this is--"

A blast of thunder interrupted Ava before it began to lightly drizzle outside past the patio awning. Setting the bong down on the ground, I looked to my right and watched Ava as she looked deeply into the sky. It was a wonder to me, how Ava had been so entranced in something so simple. Rather, Ava, herself, was a wonder to me.

Inside of those eyes that appeared so innocent, there had clearly been something more to her. Her smile, Her eyes, they were a facade to hide the darkness that lied in her. Had I been mistaken? Yeah, I had to have been. It didn't make sense. This was me just searching, trying to find meaning in something that would never appear.

It was impossible. There was no way any kind of darkness could have existed in this girl. She was pure, unbroken - much unlike me. I had just been trying to fool myself, that much I could tell. It was me who was filled with darkness, trying to hide behind the facade of a smile. It was just me searching for hope in a hopeless society.

I was alone, left to disintegrate on my own. The world, both individually and as a whole, hadn't wanted me. If that had been the case, then what had been the point in trying to live? Why had I been the one that was given up on? Why had I become the trash that nobody wanted around? It would have been much easier to give up, to run into a dark hole and never reappear.

Ava turned, catching me in the act of watching her. She did nothing but return my stare in an air of silence, an air of slight electricity. Thoughtlessly, hopelessly, I leaned forward as though I were reaching for a light. This light, it had been a joke. I knew that as soon as I had been close enough to touch it, it would disappear, laughing at the entirety of my existence.

Even so, I traversed forward through sand and muddy ground until I had finally reached it. The light hadn't disappeared, it had only continued to get brighter as I got closer and closer. It was at this moment that the light vanished without warning, giving me a single picture. Just one single, solitary picture.

That picture was Ava with her arms around my shoulders and her lips against mine.

A stranger - I had been in an embrace with a girl that hadn't even known for twelve hours. I barely knew anything about her aside from her name, and yet I was not even inches from her, kissing her like I had known her for months, years even. Why hadn't I been able to pull myself away, why hadn't she pushed me away? It had all escalated far too quickly.

"Keep going." she whispered in between breaths. "I..."

I pulled my lips away, finally finding a chance to push myself away. Stepping backwards, I shook my head and turned around, heading for the gate. Thinking about anything at that moment would have been a miracle for me, even speaking would have been a chore. All I was able to do was leave, to run away.

It wasn't her, and for that matter, it hadn't been me either. It hadn't been anything other than the scars that lied within me. They trembled, afraid of being reopened by the same pain that had tore through them to begin with. In that regard, I felt the same way. I couldn't lose anything else, I wouldn't have been able to take it. I wanted to run. I wanted to hide from everything. It had been simple, so very simple.

I was scared.

--- A Week Later

"Hey, kid." a voice roared through my inebriated skull.

I opened my eyes to be greeted by the bright blue light of the sky. Before me had stood a blurry, shadowy figure, the cherry of his cigarette was the only key to his identity as a slight orange glow reflected off of his face that hid underneath a hat.

"You can't sleep here." he offered a hand. "Why don't you go to the shelter up the street? At the very least, you'll have some warmth and a place to sleep for the night."

I guess he had assumed that I had been some drunk, ratty, homeless teenager with nowhere to go or stay. Given the condition I had been in, I hadn't blamed him. I was all of those things; drunk, high, smelly, and essentially homeless. I had crawled into a black hole in my drunken stupor, hoping that I would have faded away.

It had been a blur, everything that happened in that week was naught but a hazy, far gone memory. The only fluid that had been in my system was alcohol, and I hadn't taken a single shower. I had turned into a mess, inside and out - hoping that maybe, just maybe the alcohol would kill me softly.

"H-He..." he pulled me up as I slurred the single sentence. "Where ca..can I get some vodka?"

"...Like you need any more." he took a drag of his cigarette before pulling it away from his lips. "Here, no charge. Just don't go killing yourself with it, kid."

From his jacket pocket, he pulled out what was approximately a quarter of a pint of vodka and then handed it to me. Grabbing the pint, I took a drink and stuffed it into the back pocket of my jeans before turning around. I stopped with one thought in mind, one important thought that kept echoing through my drunk mind.

"W-What day is it today?" I asked.

"Sunday, I believe." he answered with a soon followed chuckle. "You gotta go to church or something?"

-

I soon found myself in a pasture of green and gray, grass and gravestones. The sky was, once again, dark with heavy, nearly black looking clouds. Even so, through cold, rainy weather, it was something I had to do - sober or drunk, happy or sad. I had to see her. Whether she wanted to see me or not, I had to come - to ease my mind, to make up for the funeral I hadn't attended.

Pulling out the pint, I took another large drink just as I approached the desolate area that was her grave. As I sat down, I let out a noise that rested in between something of a laugh and a hiccup. It was silent, just me and her once again. No family, and no friends, just like it had been that night.

"Funny, isn't it?" I asked aloud. "People say they c-care...love you..but when you die, they forget all about you. It's l-like you never mattered in the first place, you know?"

I took a huge drink of the remaining alcohol and then threw it at the gravestone. I had suddenly become angry at not only her, but myself as well. Had I hated her? No, and I likely never wouldn't have. Had I hated myself? Surely, I had, but that hadn't been the source of my anger at all.

"Fuck you, Kylie." I felt a drop of water hit the back of my neck. "Why di..you leave? Why did I ever talk ba..to you? Why didn't I just ignore you li-like my head told me to? Fuck you! Fuck you! Yo..ruined my life. You ruined every..."

I trailed off as I began to question myself. Why had I been screaming at a gravestone? Why was I yelling at Kylie? How had she done anything to me? Everything I had done in my life, with or without her, had always been of my own volition. She had never forced me to do anything, ever. Everything I did with her had been my choices. I was clueless about everything.

"I love you." I felt a moist, overflowing stream fall down my unwashed cheek. "...I'm sorry. Kylie. I'm fucking sorry. Fuck. Fuck."

Trying to stand up, I pushed myself off of the ground only to fall onto my ass. That was when everything began to become lightly hazy. The heavy rain only continued to get heavier as I still sat in the wet grass that covered the countless number of long deceased bodies. I fell onto my back, eyes closed, as I let the pellets of rain hit my face.

It was freezing, and my body had made sure to let me know through the shivering it set free. Even so, as both the rain and the temperature plummeted, I lied still with no movement. I hadn't seen a point in moving or leaving. I could have went home, but I would have only been met with something much, much colder. With nowhere to go and nothing to gain, my best choice had been to die - and that was precisely what I had tried to do.

Die.

Die.

"Just let me die."