A boring morning at school had led me into practically forcing Ava to ditch with me, and we had done just that. We had blatantly walked off of the campus and down the street in front of the school like it had been the most typical thing on the planet - two high school students walking around in the middle of early afternoon. In her defense, I hadn't planned on letting her say no. She had been coming with me, whether she had liked it or not.
March had left and June had been right around the corner since that day with Ava, and with that, we had become just a bit closer than before. Had things been any different? No, they had stayed the same in nearly every manner. Yet, in the most inexplicable way possible, there had been a sort of knowing between us. It had been as though some words hadn't needed to be said to be understood, almost like that creepy thing old couples do.
"You want to get something to eat?" I asked Ava, feeling my stomach grind at me. "I'm fucking starving."
Looking ahead, I hadn't felt Ava's arm loop its way through mine and using her hand to keep them together. However, it hadn't been that motion that caught my attention, nor had it been her hand. It was a delicate softness that had caught me like a fish to a baited hook, a softness that only could have been one thing. Had she done that on purpose? Or had I simply been overthinking it, and it was all just an accident? Yeah, it had definitely been the latter.
"Whatever you want." her grip ever so slightly tightened. "I just want to be with you right now."
I had nearly asked her to repeat herself at that moment. When had she decided to catch me off guard and turn into the clingy type, something I had never quite expected her to be? Had this been her real form, or had it just been a fleeting feeling that would soon blow away like a leave to wind? Even then, why had it appeared period? Something had been different, clearly. Had been right to pursue it, or would it have been better to leave it alone?
"...What sounds good?" I asked softly, pulling her a little closer.
"Nothing, really." Ava stopped, bending over to tie her shoe. "Let's just go to whatever we see first."
Ava's fine black hair blew with the slight breeze as she tied the red laces of her shoes. Why had she always left me breathless? Her simplest movements took me to the milky way and back every time. Why had I felt so connected to her, when I had vowed that I would never let myself get close to anything again? Turning fully around, I walked backwards as I brushed my hair over the back of my head. Looking up, she gave a slight smile as her eyes caught mine.
Blinking, I opened my eyes, and I saw her. It had only been for a mere second, yet I had known what I saw. Clear as a crystal. As Ava had used the tips of her fingernails to put her hair behind her ears, I had seen Kylie - or rather, a spitting image of her in some ways. I stopped walking, stuck in the thoughts of what I had just seen. What had it meant? Was what I had just seen only a trick of the brain?
Looking somewhat surprised, Ava stopped as well. "What's wrong? Did you see a ghost?"
"Oh, I'm just waiting for your slow ass to catch up." I ran my hand over the top of her head, ruffling up her hair in the process.
"You know you want this slow ass." she clicked her tongue.
Continuing to walk backwards, I studied her again. Had Maggie been right when she had said that Ava looked just like Kylie? While I hadn't noticed it, there had been similarities. Why had I only just seen that now? Why had I seen Kylie's face on Ava? Had the time finally come? Had I lost my mind, now seeing things that had ceased to exist?
Turning my head, my eye caught a local family diner that was pretty well known by the students at school. I took Ava's hand into mine, pulling her up the stairs and through the doors of the diner. As we walked into the diner, a blonde woman stood wiping down a table while a rock song played in the background - loudly enough to be heard, but not enough to overpower a speaking voice.
"Ain't you kids suppos'd to be in school?" her accent tore through my eardrums like sulfuric acid. "No wonda' you kids ah' so dumb these days."
Almost grimacing, I pulled out a cigarette as I sat across from Ava in the burgundy colored booth. Lighting the cigarette, I pulled the ashtray closer to me with my free hand. With the smoke floating around in my mouth, I was left speechless before Ava. Every time I had been with her, she had unconsciously done something to throw me off - just tilting to the side ever so slightly.
"Okay...You've been glaring at me since I finished tying my shoe." Ava looked up with a wide eye, glancing to her left as the blonde set down two glasses of water before walking off again. "It was cute at first, but now it's getting kinda creepy."
Sighing, I took a drink of the icy water. "You remember when Maggie saw you at the park, after you got hit by the soccer ball? She said you looked just like her sister."
"What are you saying, that I look like her? Everyone looks like someone. I just happen to look a little like your ex." Ava gave a quizzical smile, clearly choosing some of her words as she unzipped her hoodie and took it off. "Is that why you've been staring at me like that?"
"Gahhhh. It's hard to explain." my hand ran itself over my face as I grunted at my indecisiveness. "...When you stood up from tying your shoes, I saw her in place of you. That's the best way I can put it. You wanted honesty, you got it."
As her hand rested over her mouth, I heard a nearly static-sounding breath of air come from Ava. The same sound continued coming from her mouth in a patterned rhythm, soon becoming what was clearly laughter. Her crescent eyes curved, and the corners of her mouth soon followed suit as she was no longer able to contain it. What exactly had been so funny?
"Sorry. I don't mean to laugh at her, obviously. It's just that you made it seem like a way bigger deal." Ava brushed her bangs out of her eye. "I swear. You're as naive as you are pessimistic, Aiden. You're a drama queen, too, like worse than most. As for her, I can't change what or who you see in me. Am I upset about it? It's nothing I can't get over. Is it something I'm going to break up with you for? Hell no."
"Drama queen? Naive?" I tapped my chin, feeling as though I had been smashed in the stomach with a battle axe. "Maybe I'm dumb, but those don't really ring a bell."
"You are. I mean, you made saying 'I love you' into this massive debacle. I think I've lost count of all the irrational shit you've done the past few months." Ava took my left hand, cradling it into both of hers. "But thanks to you I've seen all kinds of things that I'd forgotten. You, yourself are completely new to me...the type of person you are, I mean. I've learned a lot about you, and I want to keep learning about you. I want to see what makes you tick."
Little did she know that she had been what kept me ticking.
Everything I had faith in was now dust to me. My life had always been the same diagonal pattern - hopes up, and left destroyed. Up and down. - much like a cartoon mountain. Everything had followed those same lines for me, no matter where I went or what I had done. Over and over and over again, I would have a sliver of happiness only to have it crushed not long after obtaining it. It destroyed me inside, little by little, until no color had been left within.
It was all darkness. I no longer bled red. Within my ribcage had lied a black heart; a loaded gun of distrust and self-loathing, pessimism and misery, hate and agony. For the longest time, I had nothing to live for. I had nothing to believe in - it was in those times that I had come to the conclusion that everything I loved would come to be destroyed, killed, and forgotten. Yet, had that been any better than self-diagnosing a disease on the internet?
Then, a glint hit me. This glint turned into a raging flame, a humanoid Phoenix that has risen from the ashes. Slowly, yet every so surely, she had ripped me open; giving light to what been a dark soul. Unending, yet unwavering, she continued to dig deeper into me - clawing her way through demons, heinous screams and the pain of those I had destroyed - all that and she still hadn't met a core. She still hadn't met another light, the light she had been searching so desperately for.
"What do you want to know, then?" I asked.
"Let me meet your parents." Ava stated. "You've met mine. So, I think it's my turn to be on the end of that stick."
"Absolutely not." I averted my eyes. "That's a disaster being asked to happen right there."
"What do you mean?" Ava looked nearly perturbed.
Ava hadn't known much about my family, nor any history of them or where I came from. I had felt that they were people Ava had been better off not meeting. They were bottomless pits of human beings - fat slobs who had stopped giving a rat's ass about their appearance. Both my mother and the man she wanted to me to call my father were morbid, awful existences that sat just below my own. That was saying a lot, because I was down there. My real father? Funny. That guy was even more of a waste of space than I was. Yet, Ava had been mostly blind to these facts.
In fact, I'm sure she had felt bad for them, thinking that I had put them through so much hassle over the years. She hadn't known anything, left clueless to who they were. That had been the way I had made it, and that had been the one thing I was going to try my best to not let happen. Yet, Ava hadn't and wouldn't have let it go. That look had been a familiar one for me, and one that I think she had created just for my bullshit.
"You think saying that is going to stop me, Aiden?" Ava asked. "I want to respect your boundaries, and even let some of your sleeping dogs lie, but your parents aren't one of them. No matter how much you dislike them, you can't just kick them out of your life. Can you?"
Come to think of it, when was the last time I had talked to them? Ever since the police station incident I had still lived under their roof, yet I hadn't said a word to either. I had been a ghost in that household, and that had been the way I wanted it. I hadn't wanted to be noticed by them, given the time of day by them. I had only wanted them to leave me alone and supply a roof, and I would do the same by staying out of their way. I figured that I had been doing them a favor.
"You're lucky to have the parents you do, you're lucky that you have people around you that care about you. Everything about them is toxic. Every word they speak is pollution. That's what I grew up in." I averted my eyes, giving in. "If you still want to, then we can go a bit later, but don't say I didn't warn you."
"Sorry, but I think I have to do this." Ava gripped my hands, tightening them with every word.
"I want to learn everything I can about you."751Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo6bkIzHnqB
