Moving my hair out of my face with her fingertips, she pushed my head up. "What do you mean by that?"
I took a drag of my cigarette as Mack walked in with a coffee and an ashtray. "Have you ever felt like anything you do just results in something bad, like nothing can ever go right?"
"More than you probably know." she answered. "Is this about Ava?"
"It's about more than just her." I brushed my hair back, looking at Ashlynn. "I kill and break everything I touch...people and things. I just ruin it all."
Ashlynn hadn't said a word. However, it had been as though she had known and felt every word I said. What had she been through? Had it been so bad that she had been able to feel others suffering, or had she just been a strong empath? Sitting up straight, I took the final drag of my cigarette and then put it out into the ashtray.
How had I felt about the girl who had been sitting next to me, looking at me so intently, and so knowingly? As I looked back at her, she put her hand on the side of her neck and rubbed it with the tips of her fingers. Aside from the gloss on her lips, there hadn't been a smidgen of makeup on her face - something that I hadn't liked a lot of on girls.
"Are you just going to look at me?" she smirked.
"Depends on what you want me to do." I yawned, my hand over my mouth. "Like, if you asked me to fuck you, I probably would. Now, if you ask me ou-"
"What if I want you to kiss me?"
One, short sentence had stopped me in my tracks - from responding and from giving an entirely sarcastic response. To begin with, had she even been serious? I had literally just said one of the biggest deterrents possible to a girl, and she had asked that anyways? Her face hadn't held an answer, or a reaction. No smile, or question. Just a smirk.
What if she had been serious? What would I have said if that were the case? Would I have rejected her, for that matter? How would she have reacted if I had said no? Yet, my mind had only seemed to think that she was joking, that she had wanted nothing to do with me at all in a romantic sense.
That had brought it full circle - how had I felt about her? For nearly two months, we had become friendly and talked quite a bit. Yet, I hadn't felt a connection in the romantic sense of it. Had I been avoiding the ever-so-famous question, ignoring it at all costs to avoid more of the pain that I still hadn't gotten over?
"Answer me seriously." I caught Mack bringing out the food. Setting down the food, he filled up the water and left again - almost as though he, himself, had picked it up - or he was, you know, doing his job. "What di-"
"I was joking. Don't look too far into it." she laughed as she smacked my arm, and then looked away to the food. "This looks messy, but good.."
Sighing, almost as though relief had been leaking, I picked up the freshly cooked french fry and tossed it into my mouth. What had this feeling been, relief? No, it had started as that, but it had become something different - something I wasn't able to explain. I looked at her again, watching her bite into the burger. Her eyes widened as she chewed, using the napkin to wipe the juice that had fallen down her chin.
"Jesus, you weren't kidding. That is good." she looked at me, smiling as though she had tasted the best thing on the planet. She looked in return, just as silent as before - her hazel eyes glistening off of the light above her. She turned slightly, and then hesitated.
"Fuck it."
Before I had even know what was going on, she had stood above me with her hand latched onto my neck and her lips against mine. As each second passed, my eyes grew wider at what had been going on. It had felt as though lightning was coursing through my veins. Had it been shock, surprise maybe? I hadn't moved. I had sat still like a brick while she had been driving around the speedway at 200 miles per hour.
She pulled her mouth away, her lips centimeters away from mine. "Happy now?"
"Not really." I smirked. "I wasn't paying attention."
"Ah, too bad." her fingernail dug into my neck as she pulled away. "I want to eat before my food gets cold."
Without even looking at me again, she had sat back down onto the stool and picked up a fry from the plate below her, and then another before picking up the burger. She had continued onward as though nothing was done at all. Had it been to appease herself, and to answer her questions - to test her own feelings? Or had all of it just meant nothing?
I picked up my own burger and shoved nearly a quarter of it into my mouth. Biting down and ripping it away from the rest of the burger, I could hear a slight snickering as the burger juices flowed down my hand. Turning my head as I chewed had resulted in me catching her in between something of a laugh and a smile, mixed with some surprise?
"Can I ask you something stupid?" she had refused to look at me once again.
"Sure, I guess." I answered, biting into the burger again as I contemplated what she had been about to ask.
"How over Ava are you?"
Off the wall, I suppose. Why had she been asking about Ava? Rather, why had she been asking about my feelings for Ava? Even if I had wanted to answer, I found myself silent with no words to give. I had been unprepared for a question like that - I mean, who would have been? However, how had I felt about Ava? Where had Ava sat within me at that moment, within that second?
Had I hated Ava for doing that to me, without good reason? If she had come back to me at that moment, would I have accepted her back? Would I have said no, or would I have given her another chance? What if I had been with someone else, and Ava asked me back? I don't think I would have accepted her back into my life. Maybe if it had been a month ago, I would have, but things had changed. The drugs and alcohol had successfully drowned her out.
Still, the question had remained. How over her had I been? Even if it were possible, I hadn't been able to put something like that into one word, a yes or a no. Yet, Ashlynn hadn't asked a yes or no question, so why had I been thinking along those lines? I brushed my hair back, sighing as I put together the words for an answer.
Maybe I was just lying to myself, I don't know.
"If I said I was completely over her, I'd be lying. It still stings a little." I answered. "But yeah, I'm pretty over her at this point."
With her hand nearly covering her mouth, and her bangs finishing the job, she mumbled through a mouthful. "I don't really know what to say right now."
"Then don't." I answered. "You have no obligation to say anything to me, or even be around a loser like me."
"Jesus, self-deprecation is such a turn-off." she shook her head, and then used her the tip of her shoe to softly kick my shin. "...I've never really done this before."
I played the fool, acting as dense as possible. As though I had been clueless to what she had be saying, I had acted as though I wasn't picking up what she had trying to say to me. Why had I decided to not say anything in return? Had it been revenge for earlier, and her own unwillingness to speak openly?
Before either of us had a chance to say another word, I heard the door of the restaurant cling open and just as suddenly felt the tension of the room rise tenfold. However, what had caught my attention was Ashlynn's expression - surprise, with just a touch of fear. Obviously, the person who had just walked in was the cause of that expression and the tension itself.
Standing up, I turned as I walked around the stool and faced the man who stood in front of the doors. He had been around the same age as me, possibly a year or two older, yet shorter and smaller. Who had he been to her? A friend, boyfriend? Could it have been her brother? Why had I been trying to play hero when I had no idea what I was getting involved in?
"Ash, come on." he nearly ordered as I stepped closer. "Your dad is pissed, but if you come now, I'll probably be able to cool him down-"
"I'd understand her dad coming here, but who are you?" I muttered, looking back at Ashlynn. "You have two options, as I see it: You go with him and leave peacefully, or you want to stay and I rough him up a bit. He probably won't stop until I do that, at least."
The fact that I hadn't thrown a fist at him already had been something of a surprise to even myself. Why I hadn't done so was a wonder, to myself and to anyone who had known me well. When tension was high, or I had been involved in some way, I would always tend to get a bit trigger happy and start things unnecessarily.
What had caught my eye, and what had likely caused me to be more cautious was the way he had been moving - loose and arrogant - which meant that he had some sort of self-defense. Whether it had been friends, a knife, or a gun, I hadn't known. What I had known was that he had something up his sleeve.
"Wait, both of you stop. How did you even find me, Cole?" she stood, crossing her arms.
"I knew you were leaving, you were obvious about it. So, I followed the Blackhound you took here." he answered. "Now, would you stop causing people trouble and just come back?"
A little perturbed, I shoved him into the door. "Oh? Who's the one causing trouble, again? Last I checked, she was paying her own expenses and living by herself. So, please, explain how shes troubling anyone?"
Giving a small shove back, he answered. "Listen, man. I'm just here to stop Ashlynn before she does something stupid, like get in bed with a guy like you."
Getting a small chuckle out of his comedy, I shoved him again. This time, however, he fell through the door and onto the concrete on the other side. I looked back at Ashlynn once again, only to see her shake her head. Had that meant she didn't want to go, or that should couldn't believe something like this had happened - disbelief? Either way, it had turned into something bigger just as I turned around again.
I had a knife against my throat. "Think you're tough now, man? Follow me out here."
Carefully following him while watching my steps, we had stood in the faintly lit, small parking lot. Just me and him, holding a knife to my throat. He had been a complete amateur with it, and had clearly never used it. Who had this kid been to her? My guess had been some friend with a crush on her who selfishly followed her in hopes of taking her back as his.
He wanted to be the hero.
Hearing the bell of the door again, I saw Ashlynn come out with Mack right behind her. Why had this situation become such a mess? If I had just rung his bell to begin with, none of this would have happened. I should have jumped the gun, and then asked questions later. Being calm and rational had done nothing but this for me. That's all it had ever done to anyone, put them in last place.
Had I been ready to slither my way out of this, with words or money? Or had I been intent on using violence as usual - even if it could've cost me my life?
"Cole, stop it." Ashlynn yelled out.
"Fuck that." he shook his head. "I want you to see me as something other than a friend for once. If that means I have to kick the crap out of some guy to show you, then I will."
I don't know if Ashlynn had known what to do, if she had read my mind, or if she done it entirely on accident, but she had given me exactly what I had needed to get out of the situation - a distraction. As he yelled back at her, I threw my palm up as quickly as possible and felt the violent collision run through my arm as it made contact with his chin. Dizzily, though not unconscious, he fell down against the car.
Cracking my neck, I slammed my foot down on the wrist of his right, dominant hand and then kicked the knife away. As I grinned, I crushed his wrist again, and then one more time. His painful screeching had brought pleasure to my ears, a resonance. It had let me know that I wasn't the only one to feel this amount of pain. That others had and could, as well.
"Yeah. Show her how tough you really are." I sneered, on a new level of pissed. "You come here and threaten a girl, and point a fuckin' knife at me? Then you expect to get out of here alive?"
"I-I-Ah. Ouch." he muttered, and stuttered. His pain had clouded his logical thinking.
"If you had done this to me when I was working for him, you've would've been dead as soon as you put a hand on me." I took his head by his hair and slammed it into the door. "I really should break a couple more bones, just to make sure this doesn't happen again - but I'm feeling charitable, so I'll let yo-"
"Aiden!"
ns 15.158.61.20da2
