"Jamie! Stop them!"
++++++
After Kylie asked me that, I had asked her for time to think about it. It was a ridiculous request from her. She had known that I was trying to do my best to squeeze myself into his paradigm, and while maybe I hadn't done enough for that, I was slowly but surely getting there. Yet, Kylie had wanted me to throw it all away. The problem was, could I even say no to her?
What was I supposed to say to her? The question had hung on my back the whole night, leaving me sleepless. Of course, I wanted to say yes to her - more than anything, I would've loved for her to be with me. But it hadn't been realistic, and I wasn't going to let her sleep outside just because I had been. She had been a girl, and secondly, it wasn't the proper place for her.
Thinking about it and actually doing it had been entirely different things, however. My decision entirely changed as soon as we met after school the day after. It went from no to yes, and I had no answer for myself or my inner doubt. I was simply a slave to Kylie, the only person who seemed to give half a shit about how I felt. I was going to do whatever she wanted, whether that be bad for me or not, I would only do it for her.
_ _ _ _ _
As we sat on a table at the park, Kylie took my lighter and smiled as she lit the joint for herself. While she made it very clear that she wanted to know, she also appeared to not want to push the topic right away. Instead, we only traded a stare as she inhaled the smoke of the drug. The silence hadn't been off, or weird. It had been something tranquil for us both, something to hide us from what we hated.
"I'm going to miss your weed." she laughed as she climbed up onto the top of the table and sat down as she handed the joint back.
"Why would you miss it?" I asked, genuinely curious to her reasoning.
"If you say no, then that would make you just like someone in my family. Always trying to please dad." Kylie hissed, her bitterness becoming more apparent with every word. "I don't want to be with someone like that. I want to be with you, not with someone who's trying to please him."
I came fully prepared with the intent of telling her no, but as soon as my eyes met hers, my decisions changed. A sleepless night of thinking all went to waste for the girl who had been sitting on top of the table before me, yet I hadn't regretted a single moment of that thinking, because I had been thinking of her. That alone was worth it, and it always would have been.
I was willing to do anything and everything for the girl who put so much of herself and her trust into me, and while I obviously hoped it wouldn't have ever come down to that, I would have died for her. I would have taken that bullet, as long as it meant she would live. When it had come to Kylie, she meant more to me than I did to myself or anything else in my life. While I hadn't been anything close to secure enough to say that aloud, I was sure she knew it. At least in the back of her mind.
"I'm not saying no." I answered. "I want you to be happy, and if that means letting you do what you want, then I'll do that. We can take a bus to the next town over and do odd jobs for money or something. Maybe we can find a motel that'll let us stay."
"Why don't we just sell over there, then? There aren't any gangs, and I'm sure they're are some people looking for the Ganja, you know?" Kylie suggested. "...and I'm fine with a tent or whatever. As long as it doesn't belong to my family, I'll be okay. If I'm with you,I just know everything will turn out fine."
Kylie crawled down off the table and onto me, straddling me as her hands latched themselves onto my shoulders. As she leaned forward, it hadn't taken long before her forehead was resting on shoulder. With her arms wrapped around me and her face buried away, I had clearly been able to hear and feel her breathing - almost as though she had been sending vibrations through me with each full, fresh breath of air.
"I love you." she spoke into my shirt as her fingernails dug into my back. "I don't want to lose you, Aiden. You're the only one who's ever seen me as me. I don't have to hide around you, and you just let me talk and talk and talk, and talk...I can't lose that."
I remained silent. Anything I would've said at that moment would have been pointless filler and empty small talk. More than anything, I had been taken aback by her sudden proclamation of her own feelings - which were just as rare as my own. What had made her say all that right then, right at that moment? Had there been a reason at all for the timing, or was it just simple impulse?
"You make me feel more at home then my own family does. You don't force me to be something I don't want to be, and you don't judge who I want to be. You just take me for my word, as I am." she continued. "I couldn't ask for more than this. Even if it's just us on the streets from now on, we'll be okay. Because you'll be there. You always make something from nothing."
Kylie's grip on me had tightened some, as though I had been a blanket in the winter. Meanwhile, my chest had sent thunderous palpitations through my body - so strong that I had been sure that she felt them. Still no words had come, but had they needed to come? Had my words needed to make a presence, or had Kylie wanted to stay this way? Had she wanted me to stay silent in that moment with her?
"Whoa. From a 4.0 to banging in a park? What have you done with my sister?" Maggie came out of nowhere before setting a small black bag on the table. "Here. Everything I could fit."
"Shut up." Kylie turned around and pulled the bag in before unzipping it to look inside. "Nobody knows anything, right?"
"Not from what I can tell, and I won't be telling anyone." Maggie sat herself down, nearly glaring at me. "The only reason why I'm allowing this is because of what happened at the mall. If you get caught, I know nothing about this."
Nodding, I hadn't been sure if telling her had been a good idea. What if Maggie had been put in a situation where she had to tell the truth? Would she still lie for her sister, would she hide all of this from her family? Why had Maggie trusted me with her sister over something as small as letting her get away at the mall? The only reason I had done it was because I could tell how worried she had been, as though she had some sort of prior trouble with the police.
"Why did you run from the police when you weren't guilty of anything?" I asked.
"You caught that? Martin caught me smoking some skunk weed after ditching class like a week or two ago." Maggie lit a cigarette, squirming ever so slightly. "He said I either give him head, or I get taken in, and you know my dad. So I obviously took the other one. After I finished, he said if he caught me again, he would be arresting me."
Kylie looked up, somewhat shocked, yet somehow looked unsurprised at the same time. "I never heard about that. How was it?"
"Gross, and don't ask again. You're too young for that shit." Maggie handed the cigarette to me. "You're running away, so I guess you aren't, but I'm still not going to answer that."
Inhaling the cigarette smoke, I felt a slight, unexpected rush come to my head before I spit out a small cough. I had been surprised, as I thought I had passed all of that because I had smoke so much pot. Within moments, the head rush had disappeared and I had taken another drag before handing it back to Maggie. Kylie stood up and bounced her way around the table to Maggie.
Once there, Kylie had forced her arms around Maggie, just like she had done with me. "Thank you for understanding, Mag. I'll repay this one day."
"I've been here." Maggie touched her sisters hand. "You don't have to repay me, you'd do the same if I asked."
As Maggie and Kylie had done their sister stuff, I unzipped and reached into my backpack until I had found the baggy of weed I had carried around with me. Pulling it out, I looked at it, then tossed it to Maggie - who had been a bit shocked to see a bag of weed thrown right in front of her face. I think most people would have been, so it was a fair reaction.
"That should cover it." I stuck my tongue out, teasingly. "Anything more, you'll have to come and buy it."
Maggie took a strand of her sisters hair.
"I think I'm actually going to miss this little runt."
+++++
By that time the next day, I'm sure they had gathered some idea of what had been going on. Well, my mother had, at least. That, I had known for sure, as a small letter was left by me. It hadn't been specific, nor did it have any love or meaning behind it. It existed for the sole purpose of telling her that I didn't have any intention of returning. I had not planned on coming back, alone or together, with Kylie. That was something I was now entirely intent on.
__
Dear Mom,
As you probably figured out a couple weeks ago, I'm don't plan on coming back. I've decided to leave with someone that I care about a lot. If you're reading this now, then we're probably at least 2 states away by now. Probably more. Don't chase, because I won't answer.
I wanted to give a some appreciation to you - for my life and for raising me. I wouldn't have met this someone if I wasn't alive, and I don't think this someone would be interested in me if I hadn't grown up the way I did. I don't really know. But this is where my appreciation of you ends.
Do whatever you want with this; toss it, give it to someone, I really don't care what you do anymore.
Good luck and goodbye,
~ Aiden.
ns 15.158.61.23da2
