"What do you mean?"
Maggie pushed my chin away, forcing me to look in a direction that her face wasn't in. What exactly was she trying to say to begin with? I had a clue, but I hadn't been about to look like an idiot in front of someone based on what was a pure guess. Even then, what had I cared? Had I cared about looking like an idiot, or an asshole? Not really. If anything, I had something of a chip on my shoulder for doing just that. You know, happiness in self-destruction and all that good stuff.
"Those girls, and drugs..." Maggie continued to hold my face away. "They don't really love you."
I lightly batted her hand away, and turned my head back to her. This time, however, my right hand latched onto her face by her cheeks - in between my index finger and thumb - and pulled her closer. It was only seconds, but her blue eyes made contact with my own - and that alone mostly confirmed the suspicions I had. Yet, at that moment, I finally remembered what she said to me in my bedroom - and even in her apartment.
"What's your point?" I muttered, letting my free fingers fall to her waist - crawling down like deviant spider.
"They don't love you, but I do." Maggie unbuttoned her jeans for me, beginning to smirk as I let go of her face. "Besides Kylie, who knows the most about you? Who else knows anything about what we've lost?"
Jumping off of me, Maggie nearly bounced her way into the darkness while walking backwards. As she came to a slow, her finger curled towards her, telling me to follow her. I had only been able to see two things on Maggie at that moment, a whitish-orange smile and a pair of equally white shoes that almost appeared to have glowed in the dark. Waiting for me to come closer, she only continued to drift further into the darkness, until I hadn't been able to see her any longer.
"Would you replace her with me?" I could hear a soft sigh ahead of me. "Can't I the next best thing?"
Had she been the next best thing to Kylie? Well, maybe, but couldn't the same have been said for me in some sense? I was close with her, I loved her, and in some ways, I had been a part of her. The same went for Maggie, just a tad more literally. By blood, Maggie was the closest existence to Kylie left on this planet, yet did I even want to replace Kylie? Did I want to have a constant reminder of her in my life?
Did I not want that in my life? If I missed Kylie so much, then shouldn't this have been a blessing, to have something so close to her be mine? As I continued to take steps forward, I felt a small pain in my chest, like a small toothpick being pricked into it. Had that been guilt that I felt? Why then of all times? After I had done so many drugs, and had manipulated so many girls, why was I only feeling it then?
I made countless girls cry over the past weeks. Whether it was me taking advantage of their emotions or just being an outright dick was something that changed per girl, but I still hadn't felt any guilt over it - I hadn't felt anything around them, or with them. I just wanted fun, and all of them knew that when they got involved with me. It was the girls that were slightly reluctant that I manipulated and took advantage of, which was easy enough. The other girls were ready with some drugs and a little sweet-talking.
"What is with you two?" I asked, more to myself than her. "I'm just some stupid mess. What do you see in me?"
It had been in that moment of silence that I was tugged into the darkness with her, leaving me unable to see a single thing - yet feel plenty. As Maggie took control of my hand, it touched the bareness that was the small of her back. Had she not been wearing a shirt? Reaching just a touch lower, I only felt the silk that had blocked my path of going any further.
"Let me be one with you, then." Maggie nearly whispered as I could feel her arms come around me. "Let me be your stupid mess..."
Fuck. I hadn't wanted to feel this. This had been the whole reason for the drugs and girls, if I wanted to get close with someone, I would have done it a long time ago, and not with the sister of the girl I was running away from. Why was this always the way everything went down for me? Good luck, but there was always a catch that followed. Always. Nothing good ever comes for free, and such was life.
The good in my life came for free in Kylie, but it also came with a catch. Once that catch had become unsustainable, the good was taken away. Again, the good reared its ugly head. Maggie was the good, yet the catch was being reminded of the girl I'd devoted so much of myself to daily. Had Maggie been worth that? Would facing that very person be the answer to moving on or forgetting about Kylie?
Could Maggie have been my release?
"It's not fair." Maggie stated, leaving me clueless on what she was speaking of. "If only you were a little older, and I had met you little sooner...it wouldn't have turned out this way."
"That so?" my had began to slip into her underwear. "How do you figure?"
"I was always the problem child, the one that was given up on." Maggie explained. "If I brought you around, my dad wouldn't have cared. If it wasn't for Kylie, it would've been me and you, not her. You never would've had to go through this.
We've always been the same, haven't you seen it? We were always alone, and never talked. We always laughed at the same stuff, and enjoyed the same stuff when you came over. You were just so blinded by her that you didn't see it, like everyone else. You didn't see anything because she was around."
Maggie had a point. Everything from pot to various genres of music had held some sort of commonality between us. There was always common ground between Maggie and I, that included personality and the fact that bad luck seemed to have taken a liking to us as though it loved to hang a permanent rain cloud over both of our heads and letting the bad luck fall like a torrential downpour.
Ever so slightly, I lifted Maggie off of the ground and set her down on the grass just as my knees planted into it. As my right hand savagely searched for and removed her remaining clothing, I felt her mouth against my ear, her warm breath sliding along my cheek and into my ear. Just as I tugged her bra off her chest, she brought an arm over my neck and pulled me down onto her.
Maggie's grip on my bicep tightened. "...Yeah, make me your stupid mess."
**
Nearly gasping, I had felt a light coat of sweat cover my body from head to toe as I rolled over onto my back. Aside from the slight glow of the orange lights, the dark sky gave compliment to the stars in front of it. The sky reminded me of Maggie, she'd been so far in the back that she only gave emphasis to others without saving any for herself. Much like myself, she blended in with everything and never wanted to put herself in the forefront.
The only difference between us was that I stopped giving a fuck about myself and the world around me. I hadn't given the least bit of a fuck about school, aside from showing up to move some product. I hadn't given a fuck about how I looked, nor had I cared about how others saw me. At the root of it all, I stopped caring about the judgement of myself and began to judge others myself.
I simply, in four words, hadn't given a fuck. I enjoyed fucking with the people who had it so well and lived at the top, yet I neglected those who had tried to reach out to me. Maggie was one of the few that reached out for me to begin with, and I only ignored it. I hadn't acknowledged it, and continued to run away from both her and my past, from absolutely everything.
"Shit." Maggie sighed as her rustling became louder. "I found my phone, but I can't find my shirt or pants."
"Seriously?" I hadn't been able to hold back a small laugh. Smacking the ground to my left, I found my own shirt and tossed it at her.
"Ouch!" Maggie squeaked. "That hurt."
Standing up, I began to put my own pants on and pulled them up. "You might want to use it, unless you want to walk home naked. It's too dark to even think about looking now."
Sighing once again, I had heard Maggie fidgeting with the cloth and then heard footsteps as she began to follow me. It was just as we reentered the light that I had noticed just how skimpy the shirt I let her use looked on her. The shirt almost looked purposefully short on her, as though it was made for her. Barely passed her rear-end, I'd come to the realization that all she was wearing was my shirt and her clean white shoes.
Her flushed face agreed, as well. While it may have been the warmth, I doubted that, or at least the timing of it. She'd been wearing practically nothing, and I was probably ogling her like drooling dog. Even if it was all entirely accidental and me losing a shirt, the sight before me was very much worth it. Her expression was just the icing.
"When did you get that sleeve?" Maggie asked as she looked at my arm. "Looks painful."
"Like three weeks ago. I think." I itched my nostril.
Maggie began to walk forward towards me, trying her best to hold down the shirt that barely covered the lower half of her slender waist. Finally, she reached me and had stopped walking. As though she'd been waiting, we stood in another moment of silence - waiting for someone to break it first. Had this really been what she wanted, or rather, what we wanted? Had we really wanted to spend our time with the people who reminded each other of what we had lost?
Lifting my arm, I set a hand on top of her head and let my fingers tangle themselves within her hair.
"Yeah. Definitely a stupid mess."
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