Dear Diary.

After my conversation with Ty, I couldn't help feeling like everything was always my fault.

Even after he tried to convince me it didn't help, I had destroyed my whole family just for the fact I was different, Ty should hate me, I had taken away his mum and sister just by walking out.

She said it herself she wished she never had me, so why did she? it had always been me, Ty and dad but Ty still had a good relationship with mum, he needed her, hell I did too,

Liv not so much, I couldn't even gather the courage to go downstairs to look at my dad.

They will be better off without me, they can all just get along like I was never even here.

Closing the diary I walked over to the wardrobe pushing to the back rummaging around looking for a certain box, on finding it I take it sitting back down on the bed, opening it I peek inside, there before me is different blades I never quite realised how many I actually had, removing my favourite one my hand starts to shake I was doing so well, it's been over 2 years, I was staying strong for two people but I could never be strong enough for myself I was weak, my biggest weakness was myself, nobody knew that.

I put a show on for everyone but myself, I portrayed this sassy person who took no shit and what for? I was still bullied.

I believed I deserved love, look where that got me he slept with my bully, I brought the razor up before slicing it on my arm, I hissed as the pain coursed through me but again like before I felt release, I slashed again the blood dripping on my covers, I'm fat.... slash, ugly.....slash, worthless....slash.

I didn't feel the last one because the blade was removed, I looked up to see Theo his face was a mix of emotions he picked me up holding me against him as the anger, frustration, everything I've felt these last days wracked through my body as I broke down crying whilst he rocked me, my body went limp.

I woke up a while after it was now dark out, the exhaustion of crying mixed with the blood loss must have made me tired.

My room was dark but I saw the outline of a man sitting in the chair next to my bed.

I turned on my lamp to see Ty crying, I instantly felt ashamed as I took in the pain and emotions in Ty's eyes, I did this to him.

"Why Rea? why did you do it again what's going on, I try my hardest every day to protect you, I would do anything for you-you didn't need to do that, you just needed to let me be there for you, I will listen to anything you need me to," traitor tears fell down my face as Ty sits down on the bed in front of me.

"I'm sorry Ty, I've tried so hard to cope with the internal battle I have with myself, it's unreal sometimes, then just when I think things are going good something pushes me back then I'm back in that frame of mind, Every day I hide who I am Ty, I try to be what everyone else wants even if it ain't who I am," Ty shakes his head as a tear falls down his beautiful face. 

"You're you, Rea,, your you because that's who we love, you don't have to be anyone  you don't want to be, because my sister is perfect in every way, those who don't know the real you ain't worth your strength, let me be your strength, Rea."

Ty pulled me into his chest holding me tight kissing my head multiple times reassuring me.

"I've spoken to dad about taking you away for a break, just somewhere away from here for few days, we can do anything you want like we use to, what do you think about that?" I smiled up at him nodding my head as a response, he kissed my head.

"Ok cool, I will go tell dad we can leave tomorrow after school,"

Laying me back down he kissed my head before turning to walk out the door.

As he was just about to leave he turned back round to look at me again, "Get some rest, I love you, princess," before I could respond he had already closed my bedroom door.

Looking up at the ceiling I remembered Theo holding me whilst my blood stained his shirt,  shit he must think I'm mental, oh god I started to panic, I couldn't bare to lose him he meant so much to me, it was like fate brought us together when I needed someone he turned up.

As my eyes started getting heavy visions of Theo sprang to mind his warmth his smile made me feel at ease he was my best friend I had some great people in my life and I almost chucked that away tonight because I let it all get to me again, I need them I've never experienced that feeling the only time I did was when I felt that loss when Jay and Tyler left, emptiness is not something I want to feel again.

I awoke the next morning to the sound of chirping outside my window the rays of the sun danced along the floor making a rainbow effect from the angel I had in the window it was made out of crystal it was a present from my dad on my sweet sixteenth I loved that angel.

Jumping out of bed I had almost forgotten about last night till I moved my arm, the pain instantly making me wince, I hissed out as I felt the tightness of the skin the blood seeping through the bandages, I cut deeper this time.

washing gently I rushed I still felt quite weak last night took a toll I suddenly wondered why Ty hadn't worked me up was he pissed off still he always woke me up, making my way downstairs I walked into the kitchen shocked to see the kitchen full.

"What's going on?" I enquired.

Dad looked up from the paper, "Goodmorning princess! he looked at my arm his eyes filled but he sniffed trying to distract himself, " Well as you already know Ty is taking you away for a while since it's your birthday Sunday I thought you might like your friends with you too, you know make a big deal of it you only turn 18 once," he chuckled.

Jay and Tyler smirked I knew that look, Cal smiled so did Theo.

Ty, on the other hand, grinned wide, "Sis I swear you will have the best 18th birthday ever."

My brother was a mastermind when it came to fun so I had no doubt it would be great.

Dad coughed, "Ty, please nothing stupid ok she's innocent," Theo almost choked on his coffee.

Laughter erupted from them all, dad just looked at me smirking.

"Ok, I best go pack" with that I left them all laughing at my expense.