我站在門前許久，才忐忑不安的按下電鈴。378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvZNZslgdiS
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpoJWk8yXnS
出來應門的是個有些年紀的婦人。378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPASWCKrY0v
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmaSJTlqXoo
「請問，這是英傑的家嗎？」378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmzlwQLcmDM
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaHvN8x9bTV
婦人露出狐疑的眼神。378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH65ppJGg2c
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeqGuPeUS5a
「妳是…？」378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6rKWAIUYyY
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcWIeq5oNks
「我是英傑的朋友，因為我一直聯絡不到他，所以…」378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjRczxG0tEH
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg7PhOUN12a
「妳找錯間了，這裡沒這個人！」她揮揮手，避開我的眼神。378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe6DPeyfrPv
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfv8eiwgeHq
「我知道他被通緝！」在她準備關上裡面的木門前，我急著大喊。378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6uxk72SKYy
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzLujIppkxO
婦人停下動作，又把木門拉開了些。378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoOhJWYTSq8
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Oc4vEhspr
「他被通緝的時候我們還見過面，可是之後就斷了聯絡。」我解釋。378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSTen4u5U4R
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4VamxhKqiW
「妳是他女朋友？」378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMTwUl5H3ST
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSjRerD4gg1
「不是，我不是，我是…他朋友。」我沒敢說出自己的身份。378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpFtfOTt9wR
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwXk15oBuCJ
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrvBL6NVF6F
「他沒和我們聯絡也很久了。」378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwLKRCVTxnq
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK6mBT3PsuK
「還有人跟我說他死在外面了。」婦人用著台語說著，語氣平淡得不可思議。378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtPovoAB8ce
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡduUzIfiHuw
我一時語塞，沒能回話。378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVwGaq3hccX
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7fkkIlZjpD
「讓妳跑一趟，歹勢，英傑不在這裡，我也不知道他在哪裡。」378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxbkSSsc7to
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8t27sJ0fOx
「那個…那，我可以留下我的手機，如果他有跟你們聯絡，請他跟我聯絡好嗎？」378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl63dupOqjT
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoeE3beUaS4
婦人一臉不耐煩，我很尷尬，但還是厚臉皮的寫下自己的號碼塞過鐵門，交到婦人手裡。378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL6gdCK3rcd
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyKIpoUCs43
「小姐貴姓？」378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi1z4zDJRpF
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡunJykGWzcw
「我姓豺。」我回得迅速。378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9xZNYUVAFK
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAxpMXzPewP
「………」婦人突然噤了聲，透過鐵門盯著我。378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXKbG9Lnfjl
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxl2SZqbvqG
「糟。」我心想。378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI6073yfy45
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3jcp7DBCYx
她隨即關上木門。378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoU6xvY7eEY
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6esTCp6vFK
「她知道我是誰了。」378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF1aUYvcjcJ
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4UIiBlMRdY
我當下便明白，不管英傑有沒有回到這裡，我都無法得知了。378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi45jJ799ol
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdXYj4OdAk8
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ521MlPa7eK
唯一的線索就這麼斷了。378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9eIRgESDYe
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfbZv5g4HoD
我不敢換手機號碼，睡覺時也不關機，就怕漏接了英傑打來的電話。378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCFTtEoMHIO
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡynXWpEI9tD
就這樣升上了高中二年級，378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiPDLQtXEmn
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeRon7tNonf
迎來了人生的轉折。378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXKXMtMV65y
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr5GIjt4jkG
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsrDho9RrG8
父母親早在我國小時就已離異，但他們為了不讓我和弟弟分開，便還是住在一起。我在一個富裕的家庭長大，幾乎是要什麼有什麼，生性霸道且極端任性，父親一生風流，基於愧疚或父愛，總寵著我，比起成天碎碎念的母親，我覺得自己比較愛爸爸。378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGuudIhHY5Q
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2jmAYMeKxp
在高二那一年，父親生意失利，經營的公司惡性倒閉，再加上「賭」及「面子」，父親找上了地下錢莊。378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3kRQD1xLMP
「家道中落」似乎是一瞬間的事。378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ1XYalXbYB
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ11D0xj36jn
當我放學回家，看見債主找人在家門用噴漆寫上的字眼，我還沒能反應過來。378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbHT3KxC6iO
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ42Pm9YMCJ8
「都已經離婚了，為什麼還這樣拖累我！」
母親氣得哭了。378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFZW38V7StH
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMbKSpm1K4D
某天晚上，母親進來房間，告訴我，房子要賣掉了。378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBQVKagm9dC
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkKtLD7Qxk8
他們離婚後，所買的房子仍是共有財產，父親要把房子賣掉，才能償還債務。378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl134egIcl2
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW6CtqGci0F
我還沒能了解事態的嚴重，跑到客廳跟低著頭的父親大吼「這是我長大的家，就因為你，所以我的家就要這樣沒了！」378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJS2vmxpvyU
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgwmOOmmcfe
「那妳要我死是不是！」爸爸第一次吼我。378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkwRSXVWIJM
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbSenOGqNEW
「我沒錢，地下錢莊說要砍我手腳，我讓他砍是不是！」378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAzZXua0g2w
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjdvkJi787V
我嚇到了，沒能反駁。378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCL5Cd0Azp6
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4hcOJoa55X
「房子要賣給媽媽的朋友，那個朋友說可以再租給媽媽。因為是妳爸爸要賣的，所以他要搬出去，妳就跟媽媽和弟弟繼續住在這裡，不用搬家。」
母親在旁緩頰。378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb3RwivwypP
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzXxt50wo9s
我沒說話，看了看坐在沙發上的父親與一旁滿臉擔憂的母親，便逕自走回房間。378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOhZ4f0B8Qz
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgefHBEgAIO
回到房間，想起國小五年級那天，母親到安親班接我和弟弟，把我拉到一旁說的話。
「媽媽今天和爸爸去辦離婚了，妳爸爸堅持要其中一個小孩的監護權，弟弟又還小…所以妳的監護權是爸爸。媽媽不是不要妳，妳不要擔心。我們也說好不會讓妳跟弟弟分開，所以我們大家還是會住在一起喔！」378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtYFVV4JRhY
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQdCZI9IECM
我突然明白自己不能接受房子賣掉的原因是什麼。378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG8SsXkSLm1
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHSuYHRjddi
我不能接受的，其實是家的破碎。378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7JyWrmynEe
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ46LjnLNwC9
因為一直都住在一起，所以沒有分離的感覺。378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5dmSQ1drFg
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkCIhZ9d7yV
「妳爸爸是一個無情的人。」
「因為小時候是養子，他弟弟出生後，就被虐待又被冷落，所以就連阿公過世也沒回去奔喪。」
「他和前一個老婆離婚之後，完全沒有再過問他們的生活，也從來沒去看過他以前的小孩。」
母親曾這麼說過。378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ1zwNlU4SD
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIcV3ytIex1
「妳不要管我，反正我的監護權又不是妳！」
「是妳自己不要我的！」
某次和母親吵架，我說了這樣的話，害母親哭了整晚。378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdX7dxNAq1l
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDR1OwUBqIN
「去和妳媽媽道歉。」
「她沒有不要妳。」
那天晚上父親走到房間嚴厲地說。
而他根本很少命令我做什麼。378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5yBu48XAGy
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbjOODaM9QU
「小姐貴姓？」
「我姓豺。」
關上門前那婦人的眼神，帶了驚訝及恨意。378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfDi76BA6AQ
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4n1O7nkHJi
「以前我會怪別人、怪命運，其實我不能怪誰。」
「曾有一段時間我忌妒妳，妳擁有我未曾擁有的一切。」
「現在我誰也不怪了。」
紙上那美麗的字，看起來多麼傷心。378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf0RNP4UgON
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9yWWv6Cflr
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEcS7hi48US
我的腦中閃現了許許多多回憶。378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5pSNzcE60E
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdTyaoBwSBN
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDTebV2LXKt
媽媽睡了之後，我走到客廳，父親盯著電視，卻兩眼無神。378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWgMH6qr2aw
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0MSUfqjieg
「爸爸。」我喊他。378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcb6FGsNdlv
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtGxMXMWfIu
父親抬頭看我。378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKtb4jT5CMt
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQATOwiO3oz
「你搬出去之後要去哪裡？」378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBeaOPh6lP3
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBZiTU1LWeE
「我不知道。」378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfmFYgt1XFm
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkWfxvUIcF6
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0u2HYWejJe
「我和你一起搬走。」378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6kDy58d6cY
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtJ6CpNse4f
我說出這句話的時候，爸爸一臉驚訝。378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ29OedS57Sl
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdcVnDhkz3X
「真的嗎？」378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJGLgY5PScL
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbtwEl99hI2
「嗯。」378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsYGf5tBOsg
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡehNT3AlbIa
「…好啊。」378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEx74GlYFpF
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa5cCL8piXC
「那我去睡了，爸爸晚安。」378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8FHaypNwRb
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU6GOVq2iel
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCGWuyl3C1c
那時，我只想著，父親一旦離開了，我可能再也見不到他。378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs1YwtivEt3
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3PagdwEmIh
即使他不是個好兒子、好丈夫或稱職的父親，他仍是我的父親，從來都捨不得打我罵我的父親。378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡruogxPlONT
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoCKEmTLJHV
隔天，我便自己出門找房子。378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkl7qrj9jMA
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6XwF5ps1PD
母親雖然擔心又不捨，但沒能阻止我的任性與固執，就還是陪著我找房子。378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡieCTTENbUt
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaGX6bYputF
我們在離家不遠的地方找到新住處，因為我當時尚未成年，還是請父親來和房東簽合約，之後，我自己忙搬家，請了開貨車的親戚與國中同學幫忙，把所有的家具都搬到新住處。378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiMWCzQFWkE
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtWnLxGn2hG
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPlVD8p4XBv
然而父親沒有因此痛改前非，我們搬家後沒多久，又有新的債主找上門。378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMOMi9O5SAv
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtSG55drduM
那天，黑兔子（忘記她的人請往前看系列文）趁著假日到家裡玩，我們在房間聊天，父親在客廳看電視。378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ17hXWOgNQl
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9a5ZFsHWH2
正嘻嘻哈哈的時候，有人按電鈴。378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0OZ18ssalT
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuzDk9BgzuR
按了好幾聲，父親卻不去應門。378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOSB9wtcqlR
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB1qfQB4h3E
我走到客廳，看見父親把手指舉在嘴巴前面，示意我不要出聲。378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw3mFPhk7wr
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWNBNKrhcX6
對方按了幾下電鈴，便開始撞門，接著大聲咆哮、怒罵三字經。378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ74SaZvWG4z
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxNJQIwb9iH
房間裡的黑兔子嚇到，悄聲問我怎麼回事，我覺得很丟臉，但還是告訴她，門外的是父親的債主，我們得裝做不在家…但是債主大概早就猜到我們假裝不在家吧，才會待在門外不走。378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡldTeDuk4L4
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1v6IwL9WZl
直到傍晚，我才戰戰兢兢的開門，送黑兔子到公車站搭車。378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO9lseFiGTM
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTubEoF5PjU
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4E0kgddS76
那年發生的事情非常地多，我喜歡上了一個學長，但他卻用各種不同的方式，在我的身上、心上都留下殘酷的疤痕。378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk6TfI4A4dO
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIvzBuSRfBV
但那是另一個故事了。378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVXjdUzOzv2
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLFXFuryZze
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Kp0m43C6I
我和父親常常為了錢的事情吵架。378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlgbBS48szJ
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0xq1kxGwmZ
我就讀的學校是私立職校，學費非常地貴。而我放學後在賣場打工所賺的錢，付了生活所需的開銷以後幾乎所剩無幾。378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJEtjFaNjQE
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0HfzBof0Pa
那些茶來伸手、飯來張口，像個公主的日子彷彿離自己已經非常遙遠。378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ16FunxIOwh
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIsNApSQPOp
我偶爾會回去媽媽家吃飯，但絕口不提自己為錢煩惱的事。也許是怕母親擔心，又也許是怕母親責怪父親吧。378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQuOvTPXafC
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡakD3jhxRa0
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDpr64datQC
在那些身心俱疲的日子裡，我很常想起英傑。378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxW3t6emNGP
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKqj52Nfvwk
為什麼一直都沒有和我聯絡呢？378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8f6zgQzmrG
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtDZL1P8w1c
難道逃出台灣了嗎？378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwuEO5ZxWop
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmQXRI6oBx1
難道…真的死了嗎？378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5OP9gRsGcf
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWeHLGmVrvO
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwezEhXPxsK
一天晚上，我帶著傷痕回家，在家門前，我把運動外套拉起，確定不會被看見痕跡之後進門，想著自己為什麼這樣找罪受。378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoeeLXB527E
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnCz4ZP0Sbf
但父親不在家。378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmwImSVlL7n
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ6Qu1jBUYd
撥了父親的電話，聽見那邊的麻將聲。378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx28btMkX4x
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl0VannUzFI
我對父親大吼，卻被掛電話。378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5JnKSV17Ue
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBKiUerRhT8
那一刻，我想著自己所做的一切。378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEmrPtYRYYH
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvqzaCnZh27
「都是自己選的。」378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyzuUjka14P
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkdgEQgyW7H
「沒人逼妳，都是妳自己選的。」378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvx0Z7GJFO5
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFQrkw9HLNS
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtD1XHsokLB
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRh9DKz56rO
「乾脆，去死好了。」378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6ZTEvM6C6Y
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYDiWgmIhuI
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlx38Iu4NfA
378Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1heMDGASBx
待續。
ns 15.158.61.5da2
