回家之後，我上網搜尋新聞，看到一張又一張英傑的照片，有些也提到英傑的過去，但我很早就知道台灣的新聞有大半是創作文，所以沒多加理會。
那陣子我每天上網搜尋英傑的名字，看最新的案情發展。因為死者的來頭不小，新聞鬧得很大，我也不敢貿然行事，深怕給自己或英傑增添更多麻煩。
英傑還有個同夥，在英傑被捕的時候，仍在逃亡。當時我的工作是在住宅大樓裡當社區秘書，過沒多久，新聞報出在逃亡的同夥尋求某個立委協助自首，好巧不巧地，那個立委就住在我工作的社區裡。464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3uGnkyb7cT
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOxISEMRoSB
這是個能夠聯絡上英傑的好機會，我心想。464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEejxoHHKyt
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIDAecqkcmW
但是我猶豫了。464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo8XzVhWqxP
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFCWr7PZMrk
英傑那麼久不和我聯絡，是不是根本不想和我聯絡？是不是獄中太無聊，才想找人寫信打發時間？那些我自認為的兄妹情誼，是不是其實都是假的？
萬一我因此失去工作，或是被媒體捕風捉影，雪球越滾越大的時候怎麼辦？464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj1nLbNxgSY
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5nxX6yltUA
悲觀的想法一冒出來，就無法無天的蔓延。所有可能面臨的糟糕情況，我都想了一輪。464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡymuA0cclYj
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbpD5z3iNiu
我很想告訴自己不是這樣，但內心又害怕。464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡciyDWqXSCP
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmg1i3iZdFb
我最害怕的，其實是當我找到他了，他卻早就忘記我是誰，那我該怎麼辦？464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBqttws7Ehk
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLln00creMq
這些年來懸著一顆心的疑問就快要可以有解答了，我卻裹足不前。464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRDJ4eYc3d6
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfwV6qyGaZm
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh4bxVj1dOg
就這麼拖著拖著，直到我用了各種關鍵字，搜尋到英傑的部落格，也就是他用來和買家交易槍械的地方。464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4DWw0VyGQ2
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjHuOQ6LVrN
部落格裡有關槍械的影片和文章都已刪除，只剩幾篇英傑打的心情日記。464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMwZUNIKFpt
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCIhYfrCKcx
「我在地獄出生，也在地獄生活。」464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdAYRgIjkok
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLqDzOOBN5h
「陽光是永遠照不進地獄的。」464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxst5Xuc5xj
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlrD3pfPMoV
這類文字充斥著他的文章。464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMHJJIE1OhD
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFcXijki0Et
我想起他曾在信裡寫「妳是我的天使」…464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3KSzcodoT7
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzo6AW6JOj8
我怎麼能是呢？如果我是，為什麼無法拯救你？464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3cuSxIQNp5
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4ISjP0UeIJ
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9uSDMv1ZcX
我抱著姑且一試的心情，在英傑的部落格留了隱藏的留言，告訴他我是誰，也說想見他一面，留下了自己的手機號碼，希望能有機會和他說說話。464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6ELl74okIi
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGqRlJIzN7w
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq2cQTTrE1I
新聞持續報導，同夥自首後，新聞的焦點便放在同夥身上，較少播報有關英傑的事。我心裡覺得這樣比較好，又一邊擔心再也無法得知英傑的消息。464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡza9yu9TvYn
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ311MS24xdj
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ74NCMs9urE
我沒有等太久，就收到了回應。
英傑的姊姊（也是我同父異母的姊姊）用英傑的帳號回覆我了。464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡinW5NLghsU
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQeaSzIo8Od
「我知道妳是誰，英傑和我說過他和妳寫了很長一段時間的信，妳也曾到過我家吧？」464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhQPnT7pQhE
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmoWcCvreNF
她說英傑人在醫院治療，但現在不適合去找他，他也不太能通電話。我不懂嫌犯的審判流程，所以不知道她說的真實度有多少。464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTNs7CV0XR3
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxfX17l6REH
我又碰了釘子，心裡更著急。只好繼續留言，釋出最大的善意，表示我是真的擔心及關心。464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfOABgIusPE
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxiCchRrVRD
她沒有再回我。464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7HQu4dbg90
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjpOffZknXL
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaWlqftgxFB
但我接到英傑打來的電話，在兩個禮拜後。464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGYdSBDojQb
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbdnEXhlsfB
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIG2PrSnuPe
「喂。」陌生的號碼，我心不在焉地接起。464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpU1DCSZqEk
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZYx3MwLZaI
「……喂，笨蛋妹啊…」464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzI0H13kQWF
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ09Rexp3mni
聽見他的聲音，淚水就瞬間湧上眼眶。464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8BQm9RIdDD
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPOiOgjeTVj
「是我啦，妳哥啊。」沒聽見我回話，他急著說。464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOJiKyBRdVG
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDA1eS7YEcg
「你才笨啦！」我明明有一堆話要說，居然只能先回嘴。464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCF1NAlVbYo
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBEJ01Pe8pg
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBcEwjIz3J4
464Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnG3ZkTtwQm
待續。
ns 15.158.61.11da2
