我站在門前許久，才忐忑不安的按下電鈴。356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhV9j4N9V2U
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAu0ZNGFosU
出來應門的是個有些年紀的婦人。356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5IV9QYTc1m
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD5PXm82xkg
「請問，這是英傑的家嗎？」356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqYU2QK99Rm
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU0EuudgdpK
婦人露出狐疑的眼神。356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2NNxZJLxDN
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw0dSH2EvBm
「妳是…？」356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHrT6P0300i
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVhBxa8FkpF
「我是英傑的朋友，因為我一直聯絡不到他，所以…」356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV6ThY5ccid
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz3hwotEhTy
「妳找錯間了，這裡沒這個人！」她揮揮手，避開我的眼神。356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhhhzHqHiuV
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Bh224HlqH
「我知道他被通緝！」在她準備關上裡面的木門前，我急著大喊。356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYiN0audEd6
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzK4fAItsMo
婦人停下動作，又把木門拉開了些。356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkDKmVkqzhV
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWnMduroque
「他被通緝的時候我們還見過面，可是之後就斷了聯絡。」我解釋。356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwRlJEweWmb
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLbuAQSkJuP
「妳是他女朋友？」356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCl0m3MCZUr
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCTkV6i87Ow
「不是，我不是，我是…他朋友。」我沒敢說出自己的身份。356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGo6Tclk7i0
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq1qPP1RkAY
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6iTFvnz1o7
「他沒和我們聯絡也很久了。」356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCk0woWKBsU
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQrQwliBtuQ
「還有人跟我說他死在外面了。」婦人用著台語說著，語氣平淡得不可思議。356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAqwM4m7NyM
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz1NvoMJA0Z
我一時語塞，沒能回話。356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRHP1hZRQ2Y
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaopIYqSwkS
「讓妳跑一趟，歹勢，英傑不在這裡，我也不知道他在哪裡。」356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYgc5M0ShiV
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPX8J6vTbba
「那個…那，我可以留下我的手機，如果他有跟你們聯絡，請他跟我聯絡好嗎？」356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9tBIKfdsoL
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwjJRzcFqvj
婦人一臉不耐煩，我很尷尬，但還是厚臉皮的寫下自己的號碼塞過鐵門，交到婦人手裡。356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSpeMRO7eWM
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhoV01WLT0Y
「小姐貴姓？」356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtWOVQ7HzEj
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ18gxYwVifi
「我姓豺。」我回得迅速。356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPdIeDPBw3y
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkB7G9V4Hze
「………」婦人突然噤了聲，透過鐵門盯著我。356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw06A6fGTht
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOjcbynPYJD
「糟。」我心想。356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSOAyfLg8Kx
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn1MqDypVWJ
她隨即關上木門。356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqZjah0VD2Y
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6dzMOhG8lE
「她知道我是誰了。」356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEN211Jm85I
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFgO4cNpLI6
我當下便明白，不管英傑有沒有回到這裡，我都無法得知了。356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFTYtTX59WF
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTWHN6gXmgi
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhCHm9VjpLt
唯一的線索就這麼斷了。356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHJo9bD2R87
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHW6pnP8HAG
我不敢換手機號碼，睡覺時也不關機，就怕漏接了英傑打來的電話。356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiVtkqVtwzu
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlI8MsY20qe
就這樣升上了高中二年級，356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqynB5rY0gY
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgPNVKmHKCJ
迎來了人生的轉折。356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqhZDZQdlb3
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9D5sRBALgU
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Bla72tgQC
父母親早在我國小時就已離異，但他們為了不讓我和弟弟分開，便還是住在一起。我在一個富裕的家庭長大，幾乎是要什麼有什麼，生性霸道且極端任性，父親一生風流，基於愧疚或父愛，總寵著我，比起成天碎碎念的母親，我覺得自己比較愛爸爸。356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1QEsVQ29i4
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgXjG85kNpy
在高二那一年，父親生意失利，經營的公司惡性倒閉，再加上「賭」及「面子」，父親找上了地下錢莊。356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjWIS32FhXW
「家道中落」似乎是一瞬間的事。356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPus3gqbgyF
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjQO8WOdZ3T
當我放學回家，看見債主找人在家門用噴漆寫上的字眼，我還沒能反應過來。356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1w4AF9rN5q
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnwg5hDOFye
「都已經離婚了，為什麼還這樣拖累我！」
母親氣得哭了。356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqhqxjwYbZp
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOY9MFmeDLc
某天晚上，母親進來房間，告訴我，房子要賣掉了。356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyBxqa9BPIK
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbw0dTAIjrG
他們離婚後，所買的房子仍是共有財產，父親要把房子賣掉，才能償還債務。356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMhZaePivuT
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ80Zr5r82Rc
我還沒能了解事態的嚴重，跑到客廳跟低著頭的父親大吼「這是我長大的家，就因為你，所以我的家就要這樣沒了！」356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPFZHJjBaTM
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkANUxJ1ghP
「那妳要我死是不是！」爸爸第一次吼我。356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNGMdG8iKKd
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcLqmAUZYXq
「我沒錢，地下錢莊說要砍我手腳，我讓他砍是不是！」356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMuLpm3QDJT
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVvl08ymqmf
我嚇到了，沒能反駁。356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd7w8C98KlU
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxg15vR7LwD
「房子要賣給媽媽的朋友，那個朋友說可以再租給媽媽。因為是妳爸爸要賣的，所以他要搬出去，妳就跟媽媽和弟弟繼續住在這裡，不用搬家。」
母親在旁緩頰。356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQuYuiV2q1Z
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7OE4TqjieI
我沒說話，看了看坐在沙發上的父親與一旁滿臉擔憂的母親，便逕自走回房間。356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWR0jgrcSs0
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoytTa3eSgq
回到房間，想起國小五年級那天，母親到安親班接我和弟弟，把我拉到一旁說的話。
「媽媽今天和爸爸去辦離婚了，妳爸爸堅持要其中一個小孩的監護權，弟弟又還小…所以妳的監護權是爸爸。媽媽不是不要妳，妳不要擔心。我們也說好不會讓妳跟弟弟分開，所以我們大家還是會住在一起喔！」356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡok1V3Ed3dq
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡet45XQak3I
我突然明白自己不能接受房子賣掉的原因是什麼。356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFBDdzLretP
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrVM8Ljafl3
我不能接受的，其實是家的破碎。356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzR99DvV7Ao
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNPxjJW6jcb
因為一直都住在一起，所以沒有分離的感覺。356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1cPL9oem8a
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfPGZGbUpmi
「妳爸爸是一個無情的人。」
「因為小時候是養子，他弟弟出生後，就被虐待又被冷落，所以就連阿公過世也沒回去奔喪。」
「他和前一個老婆離婚之後，完全沒有再過問他們的生活，也從來沒去看過他以前的小孩。」
母親曾這麼說過。356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIoFwx9l5qB
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdWbwQ9cdAI
「妳不要管我，反正我的監護權又不是妳！」
「是妳自己不要我的！」
某次和母親吵架，我說了這樣的話，害母親哭了整晚。356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5E2CE692sn
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB4fkNziY11
「去和妳媽媽道歉。」
「她沒有不要妳。」
那天晚上父親走到房間嚴厲地說。
而他根本很少命令我做什麼。356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd0H1XNxjRA
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLuCsrCWYKe
「小姐貴姓？」
「我姓豺。」
關上門前那婦人的眼神，帶了驚訝及恨意。356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPxRXFYdz6u
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuFopztYL2W
「以前我會怪別人、怪命運，其實我不能怪誰。」
「曾有一段時間我忌妒妳，妳擁有我未曾擁有的一切。」
「現在我誰也不怪了。」
紙上那美麗的字，看起來多麼傷心。356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfxiVzCcxth
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzdt4wzJTlN
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3pkOSiWskz
我的腦中閃現了許許多多回憶。356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU1IOqJSLVj
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY3kNeuzdT5
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsYft8SkEX0
媽媽睡了之後，我走到客廳，父親盯著電視，卻兩眼無神。356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKgGmWneLeS
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJCpGIqIJXN
「爸爸。」我喊他。356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5i7oTqGZhy
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4GBydrqrEM
父親抬頭看我。356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxwhR8XDq7D
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBfv07xVLMz
「你搬出去之後要去哪裡？」356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYwUmOHgV4K
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbZe0ewv9at
「我不知道。」356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡildglVIMKw
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcajI6OOWsl
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs3QZcF54T6
「我和你一起搬走。」356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZHKRrWzrfS
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyLhXX3zmyh
我說出這句話的時候，爸爸一臉驚訝。356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYjhidbFdqo
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPWLsB7NJgY
「真的嗎？」356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIhzhIQVPGs
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXpV3wN2gwf
「嗯。」356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd7aBkWCWER
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn7LsIirCWD
「…好啊。」356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAVjhv1spEX
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhjHnsKeWHZ
「那我去睡了，爸爸晚安。」356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3fazLmCeOD
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6QdHW4twdG
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡegg7z8MydT
那時，我只想著，父親一旦離開了，我可能再也見不到他。356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡROjVmg0oOM
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjDOFr3nX7D
即使他不是個好兒子、好丈夫或稱職的父親，他仍是我的父親，從來都捨不得打我罵我的父親。356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgjX3sMSqJY
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2wSh8dryqF
隔天，我便自己出門找房子。356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡItOeXgBkfQ
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdLsURmBF3E
母親雖然擔心又不捨，但沒能阻止我的任性與固執，就還是陪著我找房子。356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTv4dUE855F
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcxXx5zMqB5
我們在離家不遠的地方找到新住處，因為我當時尚未成年，還是請父親來和房東簽合約，之後，我自己忙搬家，請了開貨車的親戚與國中同學幫忙，把所有的家具都搬到新住處。356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHiDvUmq3Ao
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKdBOCooFlK
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXGQmsAdFhX
然而父親沒有因此痛改前非，我們搬家後沒多久，又有新的債主找上門。356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq2uhiDlJGY
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Okpxvb5VP
那天，黑兔子（忘記她的人請往前看系列文）趁著假日到家裡玩，我們在房間聊天，父親在客廳看電視。356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnB3zTYlPxu
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKbmxFrlkjJ
正嘻嘻哈哈的時候，有人按電鈴。356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK4NlEtsxDX
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ9FrdFPATX
按了好幾聲，父親卻不去應門。356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡETvXFDU3pn
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMWInMSTRE8
我走到客廳，看見父親把手指舉在嘴巴前面，示意我不要出聲。356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCJh1SJph2K
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxLDJadkv7I
對方按了幾下電鈴，便開始撞門，接著大聲咆哮、怒罵三字經。356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTbMMssmIix
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBT5W1Mg8ui
房間裡的黑兔子嚇到，悄聲問我怎麼回事，我覺得很丟臉，但還是告訴她，門外的是父親的債主，我們得裝做不在家…但是債主大概早就猜到我們假裝不在家吧，才會待在門外不走。356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmZYEo8GMOP
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwc3SABe4Bh
直到傍晚，我才戰戰兢兢的開門，送黑兔子到公車站搭車。356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8vp9kmc3aj
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyX9E4zvjSm
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYq7SKJhUlk
那年發生的事情非常地多，我喜歡上了一個學長，但他卻用各種不同的方式，在我的身上、心上都留下殘酷的疤痕。356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡznGtVAPWLS
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡejprSjjWBL
但那是另一個故事了。356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhcpWb9X5He
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI1Mbjq0M6F
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFXv7O9llkC
我和父親常常為了錢的事情吵架。356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡynCq6kueIk
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwwRiu8Kb9G
我就讀的學校是私立職校，學費非常地貴。而我放學後在賣場打工所賺的錢，付了生活所需的開銷以後幾乎所剩無幾。356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9tehtG9Y6X
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUkXNmIC8oG
那些茶來伸手、飯來張口，像個公主的日子彷彿離自己已經非常遙遠。356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIrH0tSo98F
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrJdyvmkO9A
我偶爾會回去媽媽家吃飯，但絕口不提自己為錢煩惱的事。也許是怕母親擔心，又也許是怕母親責怪父親吧。356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVaz9bgWmpg
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzxjuUJFlnY
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjEIoHwx9qX
在那些身心俱疲的日子裡，我很常想起英傑。356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg6DAGg29Oh
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrc02CHgYpy
為什麼一直都沒有和我聯絡呢？356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtuwD2qpcvD
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgtiHXDoeE6
難道逃出台灣了嗎？356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyKfsnh2i5P
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfRfVZMTlcW
難道…真的死了嗎？356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMzv6VTfuhk
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRy0x4rxf0V
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8l3L6G47XJ
一天晚上，我帶著傷痕回家，在家門前，我把運動外套拉起，確定不會被看見痕跡之後進門，想著自己為什麼這樣找罪受。356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBteDSucs0N
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1aVDBwlHtZ
但父親不在家。356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ63oHjrhiUP
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQvGyibi1Cy
撥了父親的電話，聽見那邊的麻將聲。356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPZhaqHu2ok
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwUjigZh93g
我對父親大吼，卻被掛電話。356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyF2A8spNWH
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKEotO5i3GX
那一刻，我想著自己所做的一切。356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIJ3qAz4FMn
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9g1fEyMmHt
「都是自己選的。」356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0UrCE7AJxC
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN7YubE86d6
「沒人逼妳，都是妳自己選的。」356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5W63DOybQO
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX03cFL1Pwi
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoPLshRqHAG
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCsLtwW3tcx
「乾脆，去死好了。」356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3QLfYJMjA3
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9NJkIeQ8ui
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0rObQ1SGsb
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb25YgX2wVK
待續。
ns 15.158.61.20da2
