Sawyer
"Per favore."
Translation: Please.
I stared up at the cloudy sky, my hands interlocked.
"Per favore. Give me strength."
I couldn't stop picturing it. Kaylee, with her mouth around my finger. Kaylee, with her tongue against my skin. It was enough to drive me out of my fucking mind.
Remember the business.
Remember the family name.
Remember the deal.
I wanted to kiss her, taste her, touch her.
"No."
Shaking my head fiercely, I grabbed my phone from my pocket. Grandmama was on speed dial.
"Ciao! Qui de neuf?"
Translation: Hello! What'snew?
"I miss you."
"What happened?" She sounded more threatening than she did worried. That was grandmama for you.
"Nothing," I said running my free hand through my hair. "It's just.. a lot to take in. Living with another person is.. different."
"You mean that petite-copine?" She asked sweetly.
Translation: Girlfriend.
"Yeah." I said flatly.
"What'd she do?"
"Nothing.. it's her best friend that's getting under my skin." I answered honestly. I wasn't allowed to tell grandmama the whole story, but maybe I could tell her enough to get some advice. She always knew the answer to everything, it was like having a fucking genie and fortune teller rolled into one.
"Mhm," she hummed. "Did you merde her?"
Translation: Fuck
"Grandmama!"
"Well, did you?"
"No."
"But you want to?" She asked suggestively.
"I have a petite-copine." I reminded her. The word felt foreign on my tongue. Girlfriend. I haven't had one of those since the beginning of high school. Everyone that followed was a one night stand or we were just-hanging-out.
She snorted in a very un-lady-like matter. "You and your parents keep telling me that. But I know it's connerie. Why can't you just be honest and tell me what's going on?"
Translation: Bullshit
"It's real grandmama, you'll see." I said softly. Yeah. She'll see. She'll see right through the bullshit that is our relationship. She knew me too well. "When you meet her."
"Bah, you keep saying that like it will change my mind."
It didn't. We talked for another hour. The conversation consisted of me explaining how amazing Toni was. She was such a great cook--I wasn't about to admit I'd only had her cooking once. She was a good listener, at least, she seemed like it. She was thoughtful and sweet, polite and funny. After thirty minutes of that, I was ready to vomit. The other thirty minutes grandmama decided to tease me about Toni's best friend--who she knew absolutely nothing about.
Fuck my life.
The sun was starting to set when I decided to go back. Blue sky had turned into shades of pink, orange and red. The temperature had dropped and the party-goers were starting to come out.
Toni's car was parked outside the condo, along with Kaylee's. I tried not to think about what happened earlier as I approached the door. She was Toni's best friend. She wouldn't try anything and neither would I.
They were in the living room, throwing popcorn at each other and laughing their heads off. They looked up when I closed the door behind me. Toni with a warm smile, Kaylee with an uneasy, worried look in her eyes.
"What's this?" I asked, gesturing between them. They had nail polish everywhere and two huge stacks of movies on the coffee table.
"Oh, we were just having some fun." Toni said bashfully. Her cheeks turned a light shade of pink. She motioned for me to come closer. "We were about to pick a movie, why don't you join us?"
"That's alright," I said glancing in Kaylee's direction. I wasn't ready to be anywhere near her. "I think I'm going to take a shower and call it an early night."
Toni's thin brows pulled together in confusion. "Is everything alright?"
"Yeah, of course."
Load of bullshit.
I walked to the couch, pressed a quick kiss to her lips and started for the hallway. "Have fun."
Footsteps followed me into the guest bedroom. I held my breath, preparing to face Kaylee and what happened earlier. When I turned around, Toni was standing there in the doorway.
"You looked a little out of it.. are you sure you're okay?" She asked. Her big pale blue eyes peered into mine with so much sympathy.
"Yes," I shook my head, faking a smile. "I'm fine. You don't have to worry about me."
She chewed her bottom lip, shifting her weight from one leg to the other. "Is it bad that I still do?"
"No," I walked across the room, cupped her face and kissed her forehead. "It's sweet of you."
She smiled brightly at me. "I'll leave you alone then. Just let me know if you want to talk, I'm here."
I watched her leave, swinging her hips more than usual as she walked away. She really was sweet. Thoughtful. So maybe I hadn't entirely lied to grandmama when I was describing Toni. I just wasn't close enough to her to know those things. It's about time that changed. I had to start putting more effort into this. I had to really get to know the woman I was dating.
"Hey."
Fuck.
Kaylee was standing there, still in sweat pants and that black tshirt. Her hair wasn't in the same condition it'd been in before I left. It was neater, not as crazy.
"I'm sorry.. about earlier." She said quietly. "It will never happen again, I swear."
I nodded, not trusting my voice right now. Or my eyes. I couldn't bring myself to look at her again.
"Fuck, I really screwed this up.." She said. She started pacing across the room, twisting her shirt in her hands. "Look, I don't know what came over me. I just want to move on from it. Can we do that?"
"Yeah, I think that's best."
"Okay, great."
"Great."
"By the way, that's a nice little-black-book you've got." She said. A devilish grin broke across her face. It was like she'd flipped a switch and everything was back to normal. Back to how we were before what happened earlier. "Nice collection of names and numbers, maybe we can compare some time."
"You went through my stuff?"
Why did my face feel hot?
Why the fuck did it feel like I was blushing? I didn't blush. I never blushed.
"Oh eye candy," she said between laughs. "I won't even dignify that with a response. Of courseI went through your stuff. What kind of best friend would I be if I just let you move in here without threatening to dismember you, go through your things or checking your history?"
Check my history? No. She wouldn't do that. Toni ensured me that Kaylee never looked at magazines, or followed any of the gossip online. I was counting on Kaylee being in the dark, it's what kept this lie believable. It's what kept me in the clear.
"Ta ta."
She waved and left the room.
Toni's best friend now knew something about me that I didn't want Toni knowing--said little-black-book, and she may or may not know my history. One way or the other, I really had to step up my game with Toni.
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