Toni
When we weren't out looking for Kaylee or at some ridiculous charity event, Sawyer was slaving away in the kitchen. I'd never seen so many baked goods in my life, not even in a bakery. The counters were piled high with plates of different cookies, brownies were stacked ontop of each other and there were cake pans everywhere. When I asked him what they were for, he simply shrugged. I half expected him to say he was starting a new line of work and planned on purchasing a shop to showcase his talent. He could have told me he was going to hand them out to orphans, the homeless, or he was planning some massive party.
But no.
He just shrugged.
Our dates went back to the way they'd been before--only worse. They weren't just tense, we didn't just disagree on everything and then suffer through long periods of silence. Now we argued, all the time, about everything. When I complained that he didn't kiss me enough, he would lean forward and attempt to do just that. I mean seriously!
I stopped between the hallway and the kitchen to watch Sawyer pull out a pan of freshly baked cookies. The house reeked of baked goods, it was nauseating after so long.
He glanced over at me, opened his mouth, then closed it. He'd long given up on asking me if I wanted to try whatever he'd most recently made. In fact, we talked as little as possible. It seemed like whenever we did talk, it always resulted in an arguement.
He cleared his throat, placing the pan on the only available space of my crowded kitchen. "I was thinking tonight maybe we could stay in and watch a movie."
There was a small glimmer of hope in his eyes. Hope for things to go back to normal.
He was trying.
I chewed on my bottom lip, eyes darting over to the clock on the stove. "I have work tomorrow and we should really keep looking--"
"Okay."
I deflated.
This going back and forth ontop of the stress of work, classes and worrying about Kaylee, it was exhausting. I needed a night. We needed to make amends. "Actually.. a movie sounds perfect."
He looked at me apprehensively, eyes searching my face before he finally nodded. "What would you like to watch?"
Ever After was my first thought, it was my favorite and it'd been too long since I last saw it. But then I remembered who I'd be watching a movie with. How could we make amends if he was too busy complaining about the movie and inevitably starting a fight? If we did hash things out, I would rather be watching a movie I wouldn't mind not paying attention to. "How about you pick the movie?"
"Okay."
He took the oven mitts off and started washing his hands. I did a mental high five with myself, so happy to get him out of the kitchen. He flipped off the switch on the oven and made his way over to the living room. I followed after him, getting comfortable with a throw blanket. For a moment I faltered when I caught a whiff of Kaylee's perfume. I held the corner of the blanket close to my nose, inhaling deeply. Tears gathered in my eyes and pain shot through my heart. I missed her so much, I just wish I knew if she was okay.
"Toni?"
Lifting my head, blanket still clutched in my hands, I noticed Sawyer giving me a concerned look. He tossed aside the movies and settled down beside me on the couch.
I sniffled and wiped at the tears. "I'm sorry, I just-- I--"
"It's okay," he gathered me up in his arms and held me close to his chest. I caved into him, my heart splitting down the middle. He was warm, firm and steady. I wanted to bury myself into his chest and just stay there until my best friend came back. "Shh."
His hand trailed up and down my back slowly and gently.
"I'm sorry."
"We'll find her," he said pressing a kiss to my hair. "I promise."
I lost track of how long we sat there on the couch like that, my body tangled around his. He leant back and brushed my damp hair out of my eyes. His thumbs dried up the streaks of tears on my face. Lastly, he pressed a slow and soft kiss to my forehead. He was being so sweet. I'd rarely ever seen this side of him, the side that was kind and thoughtful.
"C'mon," he said, taking my hand as he stood from the couch.
I followed silently, holding tightly to the hand wrapped around mine. He lead me to the ensuite bathroom in my room, where he drew a warm bath and added about half a bottle of bubble bath. I was convinced there was more bubble than there was water. Then he turned the radio on the shelf onto my favorite station.
"Take as long as you need."
My eyes sought his out, desperately hoping when they connected, a spark would ignite and I'd finally feel the fireworks that everyone talked about in my romance novels. When my eyes met his blue ones, I noticed how soft and patient they were. But they were also so guarded, as always.
There was no spark, at least not on his end.
"Thank you."
He nodded, ducked his head and slipped out of the bathroom.
After a long, hot bath singing along to every pop song that came on the radio, I came to the conclusion that Kaylee would be okay on her own. She always was. She picked herself up after getting knocked down, because no one else was ever there to do it. As close as we were, I could never understand her situation or the way her mind worked. I could never help her the way she needed me too. She was the strongest person I've ever known, and she would be okay.
So I dried off and put my silk robe on, planning to tell Sawyer that I was okay. That Kaylee would be okay. We could stop looking.
He wasn't in the bedroom, so I went to the kitchen, hating the idea of him turning the oven back on to bake. But he wasn't in the kitchen, or the living room, or by the pool. Unless he left the house all together, there was only one other place he could be.
The guest bedroom door was closed, so I cracked it open and peeked into the dark room. Sawyer was curled up on the bed, tangled in the blankets and clutching the pillow like it was a stuffed animal. I tiptoed inside, careful not to wake him.
Maybe he thought I needed space, so he decided to sleep in here.
I smiled at the thought, grabbing a blanket to cover him with. It was when I pulled it up to his shoulders that I noticed a notebook on the side of the bed. It was Kaylee's, I remembered seeing her write in it, but I'd never looked inside, she didn't want me to. It was opened to a page with little doodles along the top and side, with writing in the middle.
What was written changed my mind all over again.
If you loved me, why'd you leave me?
I couldn't give up on looking for her, not yet.
I looked from Sawyer to the note book and back again. In their own weird way, I think Sawyer and Kaylee became friends. Maybe he even misses her more than I originally thought. Maybe he wasn't sleeping in the guest room because he thought I needed space, but because he missed her presence.
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