Sawyer
When I woke up early that morning, I decided to surprise the ladies with breakfast. I would have ordered pizza to cheer Kaylee up, but Toni was starting to complain about the carbs and how she was trying to stay healthy. So I made pancakes. You can't go wrong with pancakes. I wasn't expecting lollipops and rainbows when they got out of bed, but I wasn't expecting puffy eyes, smeared makeup and yesterdays clothes either.
I tried not to stare when they sat down on the bar stools across from me. "Mornin'."
Toni gave me a small, grateful smile. "Good morning."
Kaylee grunted an unintelligible greeting.
I passed her a plate of pancakes that had Toni's eyes popping out of her head. She'd probably never eaten more than two pancakes in her life, but I had all the confidence in the world that Kaylee could pull off the five hefty pancakes on her plate. She smeared them with butter and doused them in syrup before digging in.
"I know you like to keep it healthy." I said, handing Toni the plate I'd dished especially for her. A single pancake, no butter or syrup, covered in every type of fruit that was in the fridge.
Her smile was brighter than I'd ever seen before. She took the plate, set it on the counter, then leaned across to plant a chaste kiss on my cheek.
I blushed nervously, questioning the look in her eyes. It was the kind of look chicks gave guys when they planned on saying the deadly "L" word.
I plopped down on Kaylee's other side with my own pile of pancakes, bumping her shoulder with mine when I was settled. "We should play some games today and decorate some more."
Kaylee didn't say anything.
"That sounds like a fantastic idea." Toni said.
She skipped her college classes for the day, not wanting to leave Kaylee alone so soon after the break-up. So we decorated. We played games. We watched movies, ordered pizza for dinner and stuffed our faces with ice cream. At least, Kaylee and I stuffed our faces with ice cream, while Toni ate yogurt. Kaylee didn't talk much, she was quiet for the most part. We tried our hardest to make her laugh, to get her to smile, anything to take her mind off of Cooper.
That night Toni fell asleep on the couch, so I carried her to the bedroom and laid her down to sleep. Kaylee retired to the guest room alone. I sat up for hours, debating if I should wake Toni after hearing the first sob. But I didn't, because she'd told me she couldn't skip her classes again the next day. She wanted to make sure I could handle Kaylee and that I would be extra sweet. So I let her sleep.
I stood out in the hallway with my back against the wall and my insides tearing themselves apart. It didn't feel right, knowing she was sad and not doing anything about it. But what could I do? I didn't know how to comfort someone. I'd already tried to be nice and make her laugh, but it didn't really cheer her up. Would she even want me to know that she was hurting? Probably not. Her cries were muffled, like she was trying to stay quiet. Like she didn't want anyone to know how broken she really was.
Fuck it.
I cracked her door open and poked my head inside. "Kaylee?"
The crying immediately stopped, but she didn't answer.
I slipped into the room, closing the door behind me. The room was dark, so I stumbled on the shit on the floor making my way to the bed. Without asking for permission, I sat on the edge of the bed and looked down at her. Even in the dark, she looked like crap. Beautiful, but crappy.
"He's not worth your tears." I said after a long moment of silence when we just stared. I brushed her damp hair out of her face and wiped away the trail of tears with the pad of my thumb.
"I think you've got it wrong." She said quietly. "I think I was the one that didn't deserve him."
The other night, she hadn't uttered a word to Toni when she tried to comfort her. She barely spoke more than two worded sentences today. I had to tread lightly if I wanted to keep her talking. "What makes you think that? Don't you know, you're kind of amazing."
The corner of her lips twitched into an almost smile. I wanted to throw my fist in the air like a dork and yell out a victorious yes. Thankfully, I didn't voice my thoughts.
"You wouldn't think that, if you knew half of what he knew about me." She said sadly. Tears flooded her eyes again. She tried to stop them, tried to hold them back, but they couldn't be contained. She grasped the bunched up blanket in her arms tightly.
"How would you know, you're not a mind reader." I said softly. This time I used my sleeve to capture her tears.
Her eyes locked on mine. "I came home one day after school to find my mom dead on the living room floor. There was puke on her shirt and an empty pill bottle in her hands. I wasn't sure if it was an overdose, or suicide."
"And you think that makes you a terrible person?" I asked, confused.
Her gaze didn't waver. "She was an addict, my mother. Always popping pills, doing anything to get her next fix. I hated it. I hated her. I didn't care that she was dead, I was.. I was relieved."
"Kaylee.."
"I didn't think about what my dads death had done to her, because I was selfish," she started shaking her head. "She discarded me like I was nothing, like my pain didn't matter. And I--I didn't think about how painful it was for her, I just thought about how weak she was. How pathetic she'd become."
"You expect me to blame you for wishing your Madre was there for you after your Padres death?" I asked in bewilderment. I shook my head, brushing my fingers through the silky strands of her hair over and over again. "No tesoro, I can't blame you for being human."
Translations:482Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFOayN0y3KA
482Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGY8MYQYTn4
Madre-- Mother482Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡshyvh263KP
482Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwGc7eiw7LE
Padre-- Father482Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBoHCQbYRjO
482Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGt20vrAmJE
Tesoro-- Darling
