又是一陣沉默，然後妍妍轉頭看著我問道：「呀遊。」871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPhjyWyD2VS
871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKAIa6NqBPg
「…係？」我回答。871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDEtyOLDVod
871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFFIFDELkNQ
「你覺得PTGF係做Ｄ咩？」871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB7mJHAST84
871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqMrWX4KsDg
PDGF，是Part Time Girl Friend簡寫，老實說不是甚麼新興東西，以往的名字有很多，援交，出租女友，兼職女友，爸爸活，Sugar Daddy之類…當然，仔細劃分用字定義還是能分出差異的，但…871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrKMv0Fdldn
871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLanTcMH1OH
「因金錢利益與男性發生關係」，這點應該不會錯。871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmIWB0oIacf
871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwIhiOXvaxM
妍妍看著海說：「嗯，可以咁講…雖然有Ｄ女仔堅持唔上床，只係行街睇戲食飯拖手之類，但係…」871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVqTCDiBJj9
871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjbgzSZhA9Q
我等著她最後那句。871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXGLOhb0cnZ
871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡemsEy5xnvo
「…我唔係個種。」妍妍說。871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9qRYA1XcpJ
871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDlU6KCXeHz
「嗯，我聽緊。」我說。871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4lXnSBpvEd
871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDcuLwKjlO6
她看看我，似乎發現我表情眼神沒甚麼變化後似乎放鬆了一點：「我仲以為你會介意添。」871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2LCbasjiTP
871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Rrm66Ojmz
我失笑：「我又唔係你邊個，有咩好介意？」871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj07xMhFpEc
871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8hIHOZrdNX
「即係如果我同你親密Ｄ既你就會介意？」她反問。871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMOpkk5lCIA
871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCaiReiKF5x
「我唔回答假設性問題。」我擺出官腔，因為我真的不知道。871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6ksqsmKDxu
871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR53zjtx25Y
妍妍喝一口啤酒：「不過都唔係每個男仔我都會同佢做…普通都係遊下車河，去船P，食飯個Ｄ，如果真係岩Feel同信得過既先會做。」871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTQ0vyVPM7P
871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4B7xW20eGH
「咁…」871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD4PIR2P1hx
871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡROkiYCxiPs
感覺我說甚麼也會錯。871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoVGYo85C1R
871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡadOrCIPkjC
「之前我咪問你關於Deep-World，黑PR既事…我都係係客身上聽返黎，有錢人就有呢Ｄ門路，總之，我係想搵黑PR黎對付我唯一既個個EX 。」871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOrzrdJPX2K
871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIF3R3r1lWA
妍妍說過她是A1，即是現在單身，但曾拍過一次拖。871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkLcJ9Ewn4I
871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDJFUN29YTi
「嗯，你講過。」871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe0jma9SrMl
871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLINN8g48bZ
「但我估唔到你會記住。」她說，「估唔到你會記到童桐以外既事啊？」871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo8iTQGK47g
871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjoefYdZjsZ
「咪笑我啦。」871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpaNP5qaQZ0
871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2nuPx8Ai3Q
她笑了。871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOOSz1EYCZZ
871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPbyZvwQu0G
「尋日係好日，佢就係尋日結婚…」妍妍看著漆黑的海說，「終於都完，感覺就好似發左場夢咁。」871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrljYaoi2Jb
871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuXLYj4HJFH
「係好夢定惡夢？」871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjx2B3bCMLX
871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3jN3pb2HKR
「…同現實比，係好夢。」她說，「同個時我地打算過既將來比，係惡夢。」871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMDTLPtXsZm
871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFjTLDsn5tP
我仔細咀嚼這一句當中的含意。871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡthxZUu3IPj
871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXmouiwDLYn
「曾經我同你一樣啊，呀遊。」她說，「曾經我都將一個人視為全宇宙，視為我既一切，我既世界就係圍住佢轉。過去，現在，未來，都因佢而起，因佢而存在，亦因佢而有寄望。」871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfmLS4sxSDG
871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡweF0RsS5qI
雖然我猜到了個大概，但我決定沉默。871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPaJEPH8Tq0
871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ8LivUTxAg
有時候甚麼也不回應，只是陪伴，就是最好的回應。871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9zWJi0vU9L
871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO1J8HaUFUf
「我係你身上，就好似睇到曾經既自己咁。」妍妍說。871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO0qhB7fVVh
871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRRMBqtTDsX
然後，她把頭靠到我的肩膊上。871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFM4kPTf4AW
871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIm44f6k0bI
「仲相信愛情，只為左一個人而活，全心，全靈，為左自己鐘意既人博盡全力去爭取，連對手係植嵐晨咁既級數既人都繼續前進。」871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQAtxxM8cJo
871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk7sxSxA4au
她一頭棕髮沿我胸膛傾瀉而下，撲鼻而來的是她頭髮的香氣夾雜海水咸味。871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkjeLB7EdQx
871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCceZmYQ5WH
妍妍深呼吸，然後嘆了一口氣：「唉，但…依加已經完晒，其實早就應該完，當年就應該完，係我一直放佢唔低，直到佢尋日婚都結埋…我先知道一直走唔出去既人係我，亦…只有我一個。」871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYFyMjhaHP9
871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuhvNAdsYuP
在之前我也想像過童桐結婚而新郎不是我的畫面。871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzJwqDISEsg
871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1FyN39YC6i
在之後，我連想像的勇氣也沒有。871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGJG07dkz3Y
871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa4ZcorGSGN
那是信仰的崩潰，世界的崩潰。871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9IsF7qcOCT
871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG2RK6PVNja
萬物的崩潰。871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfkq0WiSSU0
871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvlAy92lbKZ
「所以你分手之後做PTGF…係因為…」871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXM3aYXkirm
871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8QkE9u0kHL
「我以為佢會在意。」妍妍自嘲地冷笑，「至少以為佢會嬲，佢會話我污糟之類，但係…佢根本完全唔在意，我試過自己上網唱佢，佢都係理都唔理，本身至少想佢憎我，如果可以，我想佢至少憎我一世。」871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNsAe9CmA9O
871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOq9LfVX0UV
妍妍說著說著，眼淚便靜靜的淌下。871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ14jOxVeN9I
871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKuNBoEaD4P
「點解…點解連憎我一世都唔可以？」妍妍哽咽地說，哭著的她全身在發抖。871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqAZwRNp8jP
871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkJCcHFMuy2
愛的反面不是憎恨。871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK1Sis2Plsd
871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ631MWIasOd
愛的反面是徹底的無視和冷漠。871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOsvVVjqt80
871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn0Bb380SvV
不知道是不是她已經習慣了這表情，竟然連抹也不打算抹，恍如連自己也要放棄自己一樣。871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡos51RMOOxz
871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHyMYmJ8JCc
這光景，我看過。871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy0IE5NxF1i
871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYBByeR9NEp
我在曾經的自己身上看過。871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvbbvDZFbsp
871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ84tJUkDYPr
「你唔應該咁對自己。」我掏出紙巾輕印她的眼淚，「始終要放下。」871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYri2IkP7G5
871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwbGQexWia6
「我知，但我做唔到。」把頭枕在我肩上的妍妍說，「等於我叫你放下童桐一樣。」871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡszVy5XFTdA
871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡadYDISQxnZ
「無可能。」我搖頭。871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfvATE31FfS
871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHxoSn6QDW4
「嗯，無可能。」她點頭。871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxV4OpRWZWP
871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmzYeCkFENa
她繼續說：「一開始我只係咁自暴自棄，後來…我就覺得無所謂，點都無所謂，同唔同既男仔去玩，去蒲，做咩都好…我已經無所謂，過得一日就一日，反正又有錢收。」871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7mQzlG4ZJq
871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwI13XGm6Tp
她打了個哆嗦，然後說：「既然唔知做咩好，咁樣就做咩都得。」871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpzKQLkoR5B
871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSQOUGn0j0Y
失去人生目標的滋味，我倒還記憶猶新，大約幾小時前吧。871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8QaBnKSNLd
871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8YMe2HvW5s
而且再往前回溯，在中學畢業後的暑假我也是這樣，唯一等待的就是自己慢慢在角落腐爛，做任何事也只是因本能而行動，也不記得今天是星期幾，幾月幾日，因為沒有需要。871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡluKgCasjZp
871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzfpdotIHNb
甚麼也再沒需要了。871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk5WjCuJNoJ
871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoqiStKXE7e
妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己。871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRJtXlAglHk
871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoHnJJ70A8K
我也在妍妍身上看到曾經的自己。871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjrp0J4a8gE
871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡknwx0GRAu2
我把自己那時的頹然喪志和妍妍說了個大概，她同樣地靜靜的聽著，而且聽著聽著她把自己雙腳抱住，似乎好像聽到甚麼不願意回想起的事一樣。871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZHLNkWNFom
871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMTdE3GVBzY
話畢。871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3dBP8iNhwY
871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSHaVBPeeB6
妍妍閉上眼思考了一會兒，然後開口說：「睇黎我黎搵你呻係正確既選擇。」871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBXWZwQSDt8
871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5nKMcMeZCu
「你想既，幾時都可以。」871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpvrZ1vUHgV
871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCGFEmHAGBJ
她沉默了片刻。871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOQ6gKKRDf0
871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ970Z5RVTa3
「咁你個時點走出去？」她問我。871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2IAhhjhjMx
871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMlrIOXxsfR
「一黎童桐唔俾我繼續摺落去喇。」我說，「二黎就係射返箭，射箭個時個人會好專心，射中靶會好有成功感，漸漸就走左出黎。」871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPfUQjylsKL
871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMp76qMYp9P
「無興趣。」她微笑說。871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4wPtn2VoMy
871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBoDArwTnbX
「…咁點解個時你唔搵我？至少我可以好似童桐拖我出房咁樣幫你，我地細個都一齊玩過，我唔會唔理你。」我說。871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdOvt4sTBZU
871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYaKlwdLONz
「個時我都未搵返你。我地細個個時又無Facebook IG呢Ｄ。」妍妍說，「係去到情聖係TG Group臨時要女仔同你去街，我先知個個係你。」871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgvEJ6rgSLm
871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhWu3k3jzRm
「係咪…好失望？」我苦笑，「搞到要搵PTGF………雖，雖然係用黎激童桐啦，我本身都無諗住要搵PTGF，一日都係情聖自把自為，未未未未等到30歲轉生做魔法師囉…」871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEzV1pJrb8i
871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDcdklRzQys
我說到了後半句才發現自己的發言何等窩囊，馬上手忙腳亂地想修正，但是似乎愈描愈黑。871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP9bSeXrs4Q
871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBIbaTugcMc
「好啦，唔使解釋。」妍妍被我的慌張樣子逗笑，「你真係除左射箭咩都唔識架喎。」871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6cuWiCNXyC
871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8uFvlK5cJL
「連你都咁講，嗚…」871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ31S7k2Bf8o
871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgBWfUWbFjN
「咁樣先係你既賣點。」妍妍輕撫我被海風吹亂的頭髮說。871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmmGrRDqFTq
871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡABUwMqCqmu
同樣是看到我使出全力追求童桐，情聖在我身上看到自己沒有之物並覺得耀眼，而妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己並覺得懷念。871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM4YUVpKv5Z
871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8BZukXso7H
我完全不覺我自己會為任何人帶來啟發，但似乎他們不這樣認為。871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXMhbAFGGBz
871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs75UctYdqX
「咁你以後有咩打算？既然個個人已經連婚都結埋。」我說。871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFq2NSJDUkD
871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqLrulyqwVb
「……我唔知。」妍妍看著海的雙眼變得空洞，不過她還把頭靠在我肩上，我很有信心她沒有任何投海的念頭。871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ55cE205L0i
871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSOnIlNpQch
然後她開口問：「你呢，如果最後童桐都係唔同你一齊，你又有咩打算？」871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9fL2GTPGkM
871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5aEjv8OykQ
「……我唔知。」我給出和妍妍一模一樣的答案。871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVO4am7a3KA
871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuq831DA6Cl
看來我真的沒有鼓勵人的天分，但畢竟我也自身難保嘛。871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdJpMoror4k
871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw5SrQv3ikk
「……」871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ikAzQDtno
871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBP7PJBo3Xq
兩個不知還可以怎樣辦的人，就這樣互相倚靠在一起，坐在海邊喝著廉價的啤酒，吹著因暑氣而帶點異味的海風。871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbcVfBTPlMP
871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR6ksi948fe
不是甚麼事也能憑決心，憑努力去改寫的。871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4XaC6EafOz
871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCftvBZgvaJ
夏天，也到尾聲了。871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPjXW2m48pG
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