但現實是這樣又如何？956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZPKzyGo07t
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9C8grDJF3D
沒法理解，沒法接受。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡugedEx6Cru
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBvBfQNZOpC
童桐變了，已經不再是我小時候認識的那個她。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk7SijFNxYa
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMF5JgaVy21
但現實對我來說，過於…難以理解。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLSxaby80II
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaFNqWNf36E
她甚至連一個苦衷也不編，一個謊也不撒。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtDRCoL1QCD
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6fbsaLaHLc
要該高興嗎，還是要哭？我曾經視她如宗教一樣的存在，現在卻。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSl6csHZPgI
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYnXyO1EMXp
現在卻。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf60gIeZUja
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyk592KyI2v
感覺最近情緒上的衝擊，我已沒法作出正確的反應，腦海被攪成一團糊糨。我掩著臉搖著頭，恍如因射箭而滿是厚繭的雙手，能為我提供一個避風港。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3OV2VVyfuN
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdvFg7guLlz
因為我的避風巷已經毀了。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSf3hUzR7Ns
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMOlqL77IeZ
因為我的童年…956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡweFBBx7kBQ
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVptPWgHcnh
…真真正正的，結束了。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsaZo1dMuyo
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUqs0lB8fVg
「呀遊，我地都有唔想俾任何人見到既一面…我相信你都有。」童桐說，「但即使係咁…我都會接受，呀遊，因為由所有面向組成既…先係完整既你。」956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUVHyR7qPtR
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4joqp33Qjs
甚麼是好人，甚麼是壞人？956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsDIbmpWBEV
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsI8NfWZ0FY
壞人在自己的故事中，也是一個英雄。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP1OY7Q14Is
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy7ojtib6Bj
捐錢幫助窮人的慈善家，也有人視之為資本主義中的剝削者。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxSYMUSGgeJ
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhHELkLqbOp
不用說到這樣宏大，我媽也不是沒被人說過HR死全家，我爸把釣到的魚放上網和人分享也被動保主義者說血腥屠夫。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4UwQiGlOwM
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8yl0rLk5Pi
但對我來說，二人都是父母，是家人。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfJv6fDO8o3
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡejPIeWkBM8
不同人對於不同人來說，可以同時是好人，同時亦是壞人。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwTR1rTFeZP
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbfN6pfYLV2
…但當距離親近如我和童桐這樣，所有面向便互相嵌鑲成一個完整的存在，並非一個單獨面向。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcDWBYoMF7u
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ZUiSGwh92
愛慕她的好。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1a3Kxs3G4U
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXKKepKJbgC
便要接受她的壞。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH1FwoD0vwM
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1nA467MOcT
我竟然天真的曾經以為童桐只有好的那一面，如甚麼完美的聖女。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpeEvj6qjKS
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9nPeVkJaxo
現在殘酷而赤裸裸的事實放在眼前，至於接受與否便是我們的課題了。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh3Os8lXptZ
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR3rY1xDiuL
即使我和童桐身上都穿著衣服，但卻比起過往十多年來任何時候還要更加赤裸，更加坦誠相見。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhpdsaLOgNL
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4o1EFvTozj
「你肯定？」我冷冷地說。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXPxAuSyj70
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfxDGNBet5g
她還不知道我幹了甚麼。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡim56cLbmia
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjqVKPmKXid
她還不知道我曾經打算幹甚麼。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHEQ23KaSn9
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjmbRYFdGT8
「…嗯。」她說，「我，我又有咩資格話你？無論你做過咩都好…」956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8uWqyWIJqu
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ023PP7TqS7
童桐雙眼發光，好像在淹水中捉到了救生圈一樣。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlYdjoqJgDf
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyWeWwDQFN6
「所以你覺得如果我都有一個黑暗面，一個黑化版既呀遊，我就同你一樣自私，同你一樣有唔見得光既一面，所以我地就平起平座，我就應該接受你，然後可以如以前一樣？」956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcIuhx3aPu3
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnfPPsvKblM
「…唔係咁…」卻被我看穿了。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgNTJowja28
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs3KGZ5MN1A
「定係我咁講正合你意，咁樣你內心會舒服Ｄ，因為自甘墜落既人唔止你一個？」956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHaGuhSqd4F
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG3ueBviLPH
「唔係咁，唔係咁唔係咁，呀遊，唔好咁講，求下你…」童桐哭著說。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP9u7dJvB1H
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZDZn7D42oA
「…童桐，我地永遠都唔可能好似以前一樣。」956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8MOOkJiChE
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0xxnxKGGmV
然後，我推開了她。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC71FCs0JhL
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKy8G21Mvxi
史無前例地，我推開了正準近我，打算向我撒嬌的童桐。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7c83es2C0a
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrEqEAA3TXP
「……」她露出寂寞的眼神。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOA5muasCI9
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu7e38u5ZFk
「你講得岩，我都有另一面，我都有做過D唔想俾你知既事。」我低頭說，「但…我好亂，我唔知，我唔知點樣面對你，同你一樣。」956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9d9D85XzbW
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzoeApaQuNa
「邊個會無？我鐘意你，即使你有咩秘密都好我都一定會…」童桐說。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDfQVk6sV7V
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKGjnp8UKB9
「我係你就唔會咁講。」我苦笑。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ317fdehtYw
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfqWVAUyohY
「係…？」956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi8DWFwnq5V
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUSkUCXzFn9
「我個時都咁講過，我話無論你做過咩，有咩秘密我都會接受到…然後我個心就碎左。」我輕撫自己的胸口。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLpGsy7pBm7
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuxTGuDh501
愈是鐘愛於幻象，現實就更加殘酷。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT2GsdvPh8R
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFpfV3NzzO7
夢中愈是甘甜，現實便愈見苦澀。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡESJeVp31aG
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Wu0HWpwaD
「我唔信，呀遊你唔同我，你係個好人…」956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL33e4TAx4z
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1UiSrXZ7ch
「我先唔係。」956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmdtMytZ8Md
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtWB0xPUtnV
我早就不是甚麼好人。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNykAgHl3PU
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtPkB9oP3Bx
從明明連人家名字還沒記住便去追求人家，胡亂表白開始，到之後的事。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBY0qXgIKFb
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm5s8sSQ8DK
我才不是「除了射箭甚麼也不會」的人。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUz3oVIszub
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2qckE2Ckny
「咁你講出黎。」她說，「我寧願你親口講，都唔想某日自己發現。」956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFyxQ8IRxOo
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsUP8hLrZdW
「……」956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6gfh4zeGu8
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXZyX1zBDRX
是我害得植嵐晨自殺。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh9WT4d3JDG
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfze25veUIL
那天我差點按下了清理瀏覽記錄而間接害死他。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ66gcnaM6BX
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK99zYrFtXG
為了勝利我打算吃禁藥。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4K5Xqc2I78
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7QTEhXIQqI
我和妍妍有了肉體關係，但沒打算負責任。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDtxMj3B4r2
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1dluANFYj1
當天第一次妍妍出現在水上樂園是，其實是PTGF。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV72WvREwc9
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgRtD5W7Vnn
中學時那連串的表白行為，其中一些我可是明知有男朋友也照去馬。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh6iRZqx6iH
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJPI67TXZAS
……那年我打算過自殺，甚至已經完成了氦氣袋的試作型。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2zjAAPYO77
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhxy7ClF7K0
「呀遊，我地大家今晚都互相坦白喇…然後睇下點樣互相接受到對方，好唔好？我唔想無左你呢個青梅竹馬，無論做唔做到情侶都好。」童桐說。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR2KAQoh9wE
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ76r0CONr47
「我諗…今晚我地都攰。」我說，「我求其煮個公仔麵就返過去。」956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoczO3XGwqP
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡURVMRPTQCB
「呀遊…」956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0uDE8ctoOl
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMsXntvhOyo
「我會講。」我說，「只係…唔係今晚，我要，童桐，對唔住，我…做唔到…我好攰，我好撚亂呀，你明唔明呀。」956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCYRsD4HrV9
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡES6VLhSqvL
我試圖以過去的眼光看待她。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR81ApFMGfg
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡABeLD5PdoF
做不到。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMxeBTDKG88
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvNyLSvBOym
我試圖向她坦白自己做過的一切。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQgkHO0jTRB
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9cNiCrBVKM
做不到。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYSePvC7ArG
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2NlFcDT2ro
既然我知道了她的真面目後這樣激動，這樣看待她，反過來…其實也一樣吧。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxTQEH042OL
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbN4GCaKgWU
只是現在是我在暗，她在明，她才這樣向我告解一樣。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd5MXYw9foO
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqAzuRSDHPi
下午離開Beta那兒之前，他幫我設定了一個倒數計時，現在距離核彈爆炸只剩下１６７小時。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZHxdAVdEGP
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBSuLEvd5u2
我沒有高童桐一等，更別說是道德高地。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz5K8wXmXZ3
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTy7fKZ2PUu
所以我也沒法狠狠罵她一頓，然後說要帶她回正途，連這樣子我也做不到，這才是現在一切膠著，一切如陷五里霧中的原因。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡge2rZGXJeh
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBaTRX1dAty
既，沒法坦白。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ25tN4ZWhBA
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡegr6LpXFAz
又，沒法斥責。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdtTyskWvwt
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡretCAVjTA6
既，沒法接受。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLwZRgMOKFc
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLWdQQd76OQ
也，沒法忘記。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVjgRHWBdS4
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqltyog9fOI
而且…也沒法理解。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0fui7k5b9b
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM2HrxpBqBv
明明妍妍叫我不用在意她，去處理和童桐之間的事，結果卻變成了這樣子。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf6cVqFmT4c
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCHqz0bZkk3
反倒有點對不起她了呢，我這爛人。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWi65xU8hQf
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCbYlxcDpcp
我轉身胡亂地擦去眼淚，以免自己在童桐面前出醜。但這時背上傳來陣陣的溫暖，陣陣的柔軟，童桐從後抱住我，把頭靠到我背脊上，用耳朵貼住我的肌肉聆聽著我的心跳。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Z4lw6gb1m
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC4VyPGfAMh
「只要你係我身邊，你要嬲我幾耐都無所謂。」956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzVc2kcx4UE
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBkbX1CMUoJ
「……」956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4AHXMviJLC
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeJV2AQJN8O
「因為我地都應承過大家，嬲幾耐都好，最後都會搵返對方，唔準絕交，唔準永遠唔彩對方落去架嘛。」956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuaoJB3A4nr
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgDxJIR7d1R
她能聽到我的脈動，反之亦然。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡznxQMEbjlR
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0QqieiIiYq
我雖然沒法直接聽到，但我感受著童桐的每一下呼吸，每一下心跳，胸膛的每一起伏。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy8wIVoDAT1
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3BE0aWaeW1
「只要你無事就好，我個晚真係好驚。」童桐說。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPeE71bvJY3
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYDmFc3eabc
「嗯，我都睇到係你救左我。」956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyygTb8fP99
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB5ZX8o899U
「但即係係咁…即使你會討厭我，即使你個下已經知道左我係Dora,我唔知點面對你…我都唔想你有事。」956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡehKHyg2OJs
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVC7acULzg1
曾經她只求唯有我別討厭她。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaXU98AVkTG
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg5H40aR6f4
曾經她即使全世界討厭她也不怕，因為有我在她身邊。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbC0dIa7YTD
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEqGxr4oebY
…現在即使連我也討厭她，她也只想我安全健康。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIWFpIKc3OR
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvzNZLLxIpe
你叫我怎樣對你生氣，童桐。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBEKrRWdJCR
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ63G6ZK1qnu
「我…好多謝你，童桐。」我說，的確是她救了我。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgM5Du34fJP
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHSdQcTcg6K
「…到你覺得可以講既時候，就同我講。」童桐說，「我地只要互相坦白，然後互相再接受，互相理解對方，一定可以捱過呢一關。」956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWgbdEaAFQa
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhQXUthDjtk
咦？956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWG6usQMDIC
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJymYuSJViQ
腦中如一道清泉流過…我覺得這就是我和童桐最大的差異之處。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcIGflf5LqJ
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqvdyT8OGcz
「接受與否」，是我的想法。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWb4erBuiQq
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8eifqHjN1d
「如何接受」，是童桐的想法。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcOvLoiFsTI
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTP03gklSQ8
那天晚上我和童桐沒有得出任何答案，甚至說沒有任何進展。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRCg1x43c2S
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJyoLYQsZfq
她甚至沒有提出我希望中的苦衷，使我可以諒解的苦衷，只能得出「性格使然」的絕望答案。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwMhfSwA10p
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqt0hQB4G0U
老實說，場面比我想像中平靜，至少我們沒有向對方咆哮或痛哭。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI8AvAns1Nq
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUVXKIrQ2Lv
但是…無力感漸漸佔據了空氣，佔據了心底，連情緒該發洩向何處也沒有著力點。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1rL83M90jQ
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqUgFSlAefZ
我寧願和她痛痛快快吵一架，也不想這樣子…956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuDyBvWm3rb
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoMC2FNYyGc
…我真的不想。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0TEITsQNL2
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiac5101KHq
至於和她坦白的話，我覺得不是時候，所以也沒有說出口。我需要時間去沉澱，去思考，去好好盤算接下來的做法。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZhK11DJC5V
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuXskXQa45I
活了在幻象中廿多年的我，被狠狠地摔到現實中。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN0yjm96vZA
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyjQNTjkALT
現在我要學習在現實中活下去。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5UX42ckg20
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjNpiejPffh
第二天早上，距離核彈發射還有１５３小時。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9hAzcduCjd
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSUphXnv0vM
童桐的窗簾現在到了早上醒來…也再沒有打開了。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaxI5v5iUNU
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkkqC5jT3yF
那兒，只有一片茫然和我心中懷念。
Penana
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