但現實是這樣又如何？897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBT2ZlOmovN
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLbM9i3qZEf
沒法理解，沒法接受。897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdZ6qxb7EYS
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVtHB1fmK7g
童桐變了，已經不再是我小時候認識的那個她。897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgZhK1JAzwK
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR0sgpLKwZ0
但現實對我來說，過於…難以理解。897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlIWsWuruuo
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmVL0qmwa3B
她甚至連一個苦衷也不編，一個謊也不撒。897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqgb7A6m6Lp
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK4QfUnS31m
要該高興嗎，還是要哭？我曾經視她如宗教一樣的存在，現在卻。897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGwuK4VdXnI
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7qNJJ2j6UL
現在卻。897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5K2cC4smgt
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkkLQpJVkzi
感覺最近情緒上的衝擊，我已沒法作出正確的反應，腦海被攪成一團糊糨。我掩著臉搖著頭，恍如因射箭而滿是厚繭的雙手，能為我提供一個避風港。897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRVWnhH5Mka
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn6d2PL6h9p
因為我的避風巷已經毀了。897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPDI9WtYHjm
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxxaeoC6HDO
因為我的童年…897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOhv3YYQhOy
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSmVVXkK8pY
…真真正正的，結束了。897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrHJWi94ztw
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6iquaNVApv
「呀遊，我地都有唔想俾任何人見到既一面…我相信你都有。」童桐說，「但即使係咁…我都會接受，呀遊，因為由所有面向組成既…先係完整既你。」897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwjIuxbOEcN
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsIJBel50Sw
甚麼是好人，甚麼是壞人？897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0iCvuX17gY
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFKGrEoLuj4
壞人在自己的故事中，也是一個英雄。897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ51HlrLU20f
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGpyxwbfuVg
捐錢幫助窮人的慈善家，也有人視之為資本主義中的剝削者。897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLFZxON00o5
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwdp6DJszqx
不用說到這樣宏大，我媽也不是沒被人說過HR死全家，我爸把釣到的魚放上網和人分享也被動保主義者說血腥屠夫。897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXbVLUyceVL
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIpPRLo781r
但對我來說，二人都是父母，是家人。897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLu6ntCC5Az
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQP0fnLe3kH
不同人對於不同人來說，可以同時是好人，同時亦是壞人。897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdkWRQJYSme
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEeqiQZXULl
…但當距離親近如我和童桐這樣，所有面向便互相嵌鑲成一個完整的存在，並非一個單獨面向。897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpdLNX4DziD
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzM5sFFCMAF
愛慕她的好。897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9r10yNDVPm
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2uffT9yyTz
便要接受她的壞。897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq6DTVPxlOw
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZnJdiw9uo1
我竟然天真的曾經以為童桐只有好的那一面，如甚麼完美的聖女。897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSfvbh2A0IY
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpUfb1J4TMl
現在殘酷而赤裸裸的事實放在眼前，至於接受與否便是我們的課題了。897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj2b9QnOIlG
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE5jGp6XqRY
即使我和童桐身上都穿著衣服，但卻比起過往十多年來任何時候還要更加赤裸，更加坦誠相見。897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsApxNfg3k6
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1oaNoOqevh
「你肯定？」我冷冷地說。897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM0pAqigWuz
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUgTHiEx2Ik
她還不知道我幹了甚麼。897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnrtsMTJM9V
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiQ3Yb2FLg1
她還不知道我曾經打算幹甚麼。897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡusmeMt6CAN
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuDciipnzZA
「…嗯。」她說，「我，我又有咩資格話你？無論你做過咩都好…」897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBSZYkZpAwj
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4EKgCjwHX1
童桐雙眼發光，好像在淹水中捉到了救生圈一樣。897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8pgbYNteHo
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0fAOINGUlH
「所以你覺得如果我都有一個黑暗面，一個黑化版既呀遊，我就同你一樣自私，同你一樣有唔見得光既一面，所以我地就平起平座，我就應該接受你，然後可以如以前一樣？」897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVZzNBirkuV
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ZMjrjFEmg
「…唔係咁…」卻被我看穿了。897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOqzl3b7YbB
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBDiW34fHhF
「定係我咁講正合你意，咁樣你內心會舒服Ｄ，因為自甘墜落既人唔止你一個？」897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWGgTfEaQu3
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbbZEbVRPmR
「唔係咁，唔係咁唔係咁，呀遊，唔好咁講，求下你…」童桐哭著說。897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS2HWEgML5y
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPx0CDkClAW
「…童桐，我地永遠都唔可能好似以前一樣。」897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVTWVZNagB0
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkcmoeSDq2B
然後，我推開了她。897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHvUhdsqcF5
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr9CQqJi5rt
史無前例地，我推開了正準近我，打算向我撒嬌的童桐。897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkwgUcDi81C
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJCvP5zkUNb
「……」她露出寂寞的眼神。897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrdDaKy2Xkj
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2usGI3CbU4
「你講得岩，我都有另一面，我都有做過D唔想俾你知既事。」我低頭說，「但…我好亂，我唔知，我唔知點樣面對你，同你一樣。」897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs9XADKhPLJ
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQPQ0T0IZ01
「邊個會無？我鐘意你，即使你有咩秘密都好我都一定會…」童桐說。897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkFGx1TkigC
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDu5c1qMyvh
「我係你就唔會咁講。」我苦笑。897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDTWGj6o7JO
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQjKyU4xSFK
「係…？」897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKYrOTtKUXV
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0EqAesf6Zw
「我個時都咁講過，我話無論你做過咩，有咩秘密我都會接受到…然後我個心就碎左。」我輕撫自己的胸口。897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡewOXkleLzA
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIVFpxxdsPZ
愈是鐘愛於幻象，現實就更加殘酷。897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ81XLvV2jIy
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLXZYXNNODL
夢中愈是甘甜，現實便愈見苦澀。897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq1trH6mixK
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWRBVWwDXad
「我唔信，呀遊你唔同我，你係個好人…」897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK7ii1lA1ov
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDy6VUNCtiU
「我先唔係。」897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ20MNdARtDu
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSuwLbWFXpU
我早就不是甚麼好人。897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVetHphLAa3
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUiOfgzFLtu
從明明連人家名字還沒記住便去追求人家，胡亂表白開始，到之後的事。897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb75KsWqzNL
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp9ddQR31RS
我才不是「除了射箭甚麼也不會」的人。897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWzB91Zs8Gc
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfJRyNCtjLx
「咁你講出黎。」她說，「我寧願你親口講，都唔想某日自己發現。」897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjZIpxt5KDR
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyaL4LZ2oiB
「……」897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWrrziMsFWY
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZebpoJwAKg
是我害得植嵐晨自殺。897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYnW53afTKo
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1dneYeiKPr
那天我差點按下了清理瀏覽記錄而間接害死他。897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡialQTkNOCV
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLeb8s8nJlB
為了勝利我打算吃禁藥。897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWjQTR4JJ3g
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvM5vxFesDC
我和妍妍有了肉體關係，但沒打算負責任。897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkHq4PSMZYF
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoOGMuConMj
當天第一次妍妍出現在水上樂園是，其實是PTGF。897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrSo7wT3YPf
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAZeQ7Au121
中學時那連串的表白行為，其中一些我可是明知有男朋友也照去馬。897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn5WyyfCyka
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOvX3q6nMa6
……那年我打算過自殺，甚至已經完成了氦氣袋的試作型。897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0FJPtxkTHy
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXUfQyMDtO2
「呀遊，我地大家今晚都互相坦白喇…然後睇下點樣互相接受到對方，好唔好？我唔想無左你呢個青梅竹馬，無論做唔做到情侶都好。」童桐說。897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpF7tVr5o6z
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtx9pf3u4te
「我諗…今晚我地都攰。」我說，「我求其煮個公仔麵就返過去。」897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsX9hsvkd79
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9RJoSsFGEK
「呀遊…」897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe64WBuqQFN
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ39tEWWMibZ
「我會講。」我說，「只係…唔係今晚，我要，童桐，對唔住，我…做唔到…我好攰，我好撚亂呀，你明唔明呀。」897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA8CXUxfoo8
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpznIGTpyZq
我試圖以過去的眼光看待她。897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPnwD3Pc9iK
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6SiKNlNSof
做不到。897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB6qElo6sG0
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbYaeRAihxW
我試圖向她坦白自己做過的一切。897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3lZzDjpkpm
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSZySF8rX59
做不到。897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv0vXC2Ouzc
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4U8yxKGMsz
既然我知道了她的真面目後這樣激動，這樣看待她，反過來…其實也一樣吧。897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ2lw6Q8033
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAUJEB9nCeI
只是現在是我在暗，她在明，她才這樣向我告解一樣。897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGPA8emGpGb
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu75D6nGcYh
下午離開Beta那兒之前，他幫我設定了一個倒數計時，現在距離核彈爆炸只剩下１６７小時。897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYLIBrN58tn
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡguFokmgNWJ
我沒有高童桐一等，更別說是道德高地。897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG4tRzydx5C
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnusfoEUONz
所以我也沒法狠狠罵她一頓，然後說要帶她回正途，連這樣子我也做不到，這才是現在一切膠著，一切如陷五里霧中的原因。897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM25RJH2AU6
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmzPXWQRRpx
既，沒法坦白。897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3FBQMl1G2c
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgBneCKnvmD
又，沒法斥責。897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIXH5zvYx74
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYRSQjn8Dck
既，沒法接受。897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOUIzfOIVjS
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDE6XXA8syF
也，沒法忘記。897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw6zhFySmfp
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLheb8sETpG
而且…也沒法理解。897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWlRVhZ3dri
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ70P9H2PqlG
明明妍妍叫我不用在意她，去處理和童桐之間的事，結果卻變成了這樣子。897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQMryjWTlWJ
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4hnR6XZlt1
反倒有點對不起她了呢，我這爛人。897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHAAxPdQY5q
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6p74bWt2RE
我轉身胡亂地擦去眼淚，以免自己在童桐面前出醜。但這時背上傳來陣陣的溫暖，陣陣的柔軟，童桐從後抱住我，把頭靠到我背脊上，用耳朵貼住我的肌肉聆聽著我的心跳。897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPvNUQGoQUD
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkfqCxnqUdt
「只要你係我身邊，你要嬲我幾耐都無所謂。」897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1TjlpIfFSt
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIuxLwU5zHt
「……」897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd2MsRhS9nt
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcnPdPAlmEa
「因為我地都應承過大家，嬲幾耐都好，最後都會搵返對方，唔準絕交，唔準永遠唔彩對方落去架嘛。」897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk6lXTMHKc9
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdJ62bYqTgC
她能聽到我的脈動，反之亦然。897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5486cR0Wgw
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNRzXg7VulS
我雖然沒法直接聽到，但我感受著童桐的每一下呼吸，每一下心跳，胸膛的每一起伏。897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNU7bIMDReG
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYI8yLZNmc9
「只要你無事就好，我個晚真係好驚。」童桐說。897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtkw3Ku7xrU
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1yTJbDDEd5
「嗯，我都睇到係你救左我。」897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBR8BnxLKvn
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtopHk7ncrY
「但即係係咁…即使你會討厭我，即使你個下已經知道左我係Dora,我唔知點面對你…我都唔想你有事。」897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAuTzXmrwaW
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLJDokwGdhB
曾經她只求唯有我別討厭她。897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjLSpv6ufQ9
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLgLYWoCJDX
曾經她即使全世界討厭她也不怕，因為有我在她身邊。897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqwd0TElwUm
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4IWZQ4wjOc
…現在即使連我也討厭她，她也只想我安全健康。897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpcv0hoIQUp
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQwAwP4Majt
你叫我怎樣對你生氣，童桐。897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBJeRI3zEIx
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDviJOOKnLy
「我…好多謝你，童桐。」我說，的確是她救了我。897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVS37QCY6KW
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAW7CuyIXsb
「…到你覺得可以講既時候，就同我講。」童桐說，「我地只要互相坦白，然後互相再接受，互相理解對方，一定可以捱過呢一關。」897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpjE3lMak6A
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbKhgCEC9xX
咦？897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUmKFkraL5W
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKnPkM3NqMi
腦中如一道清泉流過…我覺得這就是我和童桐最大的差異之處。897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsUueJLObam
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwKQe4DJw8N
「接受與否」，是我的想法。897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh96fqkIYnW
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡowxJ59fIxy
「如何接受」，是童桐的想法。897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4nVHqdU6ZB
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡInHEWPItuB
那天晚上我和童桐沒有得出任何答案，甚至說沒有任何進展。897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCnhpuOwiGS
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHYjHfdDwVM
她甚至沒有提出我希望中的苦衷，使我可以諒解的苦衷，只能得出「性格使然」的絕望答案。897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYNoxcBsTY4
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2UuQ0TBMd5
老實說，場面比我想像中平靜，至少我們沒有向對方咆哮或痛哭。897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJBG4O0HPF2
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUAOU8qet7k
但是…無力感漸漸佔據了空氣，佔據了心底，連情緒該發洩向何處也沒有著力點。897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJmtsFCGBEV
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTzCNPMsoOe
我寧願和她痛痛快快吵一架，也不想這樣子…897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzBsx06uSgP
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL6UN8eLtx8
…我真的不想。897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvo61awvdm0
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7eRkNadHXO
至於和她坦白的話，我覺得不是時候，所以也沒有說出口。我需要時間去沉澱，去思考，去好好盤算接下來的做法。897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWsy8sjR4BE
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmTkFK2FQKn
活了在幻象中廿多年的我，被狠狠地摔到現實中。897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVtoC6W5MAd
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ69gUp0HCm7
現在我要學習在現實中活下去。897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEqLdzIQ9EA
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3rWr6mTKHg
第二天早上，距離核彈發射還有１５３小時。897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMXoszkD8Kh
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFk6NsHtari
童桐的窗簾現在到了早上醒來…也再沒有打開了。897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTJamHqDxFP
897Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8EkYIxECOn
那兒，只有一片茫然和我心中懷念。
Penana
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