但現實是這樣又如何？923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW6noYYkYNp
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUoLf1b0dKp
沒法理解，沒法接受。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZYB0FnuZ3a
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd24qQlMb4k
童桐變了，已經不再是我小時候認識的那個她。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwrdGZQcpZn
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8CKwQgSGe0
但現實對我來說，過於…難以理解。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5j2sILqauQ
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxmQjK1W9X8
她甚至連一個苦衷也不編，一個謊也不撒。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRJ7pHEJNbk
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkjjn7EG5gF
要該高興嗎，還是要哭？我曾經視她如宗教一樣的存在，現在卻。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy8xSFYOaxd
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeMqa7TJP2K
現在卻。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOrjkPgBxCa
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlHY07rUCmy
感覺最近情緒上的衝擊，我已沒法作出正確的反應，腦海被攪成一團糊糨。我掩著臉搖著頭，恍如因射箭而滿是厚繭的雙手，能為我提供一個避風港。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdPzdlYmH7y
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbJpDpVyhvX
因為我的避風巷已經毀了。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf8wE1cREA7
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOCpD94McCz
因為我的童年…923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjVWE83zFDc
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF4aBKi9sTv
…真真正正的，結束了。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwZ5FXdSn93
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXMdb0S1Vuq
「呀遊，我地都有唔想俾任何人見到既一面…我相信你都有。」童桐說，「但即使係咁…我都會接受，呀遊，因為由所有面向組成既…先係完整既你。」923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNO0pOxI1wK
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR7vk1yzLTI
甚麼是好人，甚麼是壞人？923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkfeW59ix4Z
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcyedgJaT10
壞人在自己的故事中，也是一個英雄。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiI9jg2xsx8
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSwXB3o9LhG
捐錢幫助窮人的慈善家，也有人視之為資本主義中的剝削者。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoZ7GJSBMy0
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ7wMW4nz4m
不用說到這樣宏大，我媽也不是沒被人說過HR死全家，我爸把釣到的魚放上網和人分享也被動保主義者說血腥屠夫。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH647VOfWxz
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiDg6R0bUqN
但對我來說，二人都是父母，是家人。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWPqysH6BGM
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEZn01WPfQT
不同人對於不同人來說，可以同時是好人，同時亦是壞人。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkUiMb8hitx
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7swsw6zEC1
…但當距離親近如我和童桐這樣，所有面向便互相嵌鑲成一個完整的存在，並非一個單獨面向。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMMg1E7BPUK
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZXy9z9kuJ2
愛慕她的好。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcLKVdObFAT
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgTyhz40Ik4
便要接受她的壞。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPGgkw1doGV
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI8sagQcx5r
我竟然天真的曾經以為童桐只有好的那一面，如甚麼完美的聖女。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk621Wnlelu
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjS6hz3JJFr
現在殘酷而赤裸裸的事實放在眼前，至於接受與否便是我們的課題了。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPwx6avbXSd
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjBkUHMwyps
即使我和童桐身上都穿著衣服，但卻比起過往十多年來任何時候還要更加赤裸，更加坦誠相見。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡklg73XXdk7
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRnttJvoJvC
「你肯定？」我冷冷地說。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8YRtELi2Ty
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRO4itewLE6
她還不知道我幹了甚麼。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj8ZEAmqIl6
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFSZH7TWl22
她還不知道我曾經打算幹甚麼。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJN1TlPezCl
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqaLfbLhj5v
「…嗯。」她說，「我，我又有咩資格話你？無論你做過咩都好…」923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi3d2lLthwN
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzr6iXl0aff
童桐雙眼發光，好像在淹水中捉到了救生圈一樣。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXSlR2vp8yX
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡivt3WUBqcb
「所以你覺得如果我都有一個黑暗面，一個黑化版既呀遊，我就同你一樣自私，同你一樣有唔見得光既一面，所以我地就平起平座，我就應該接受你，然後可以如以前一樣？」923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEzfkREoCYQ
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnPZdcYRR2r
「…唔係咁…」卻被我看穿了。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn70XcxEnGx
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7wdU9Nm9aV
「定係我咁講正合你意，咁樣你內心會舒服Ｄ，因為自甘墜落既人唔止你一個？」923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlLVEKkBKPL
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ3Hw9fzc1b
「唔係咁，唔係咁唔係咁，呀遊，唔好咁講，求下你…」童桐哭著說。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtN3N0CcFR5
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOM5IAWzHTY
「…童桐，我地永遠都唔可能好似以前一樣。」923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFKj6O0tIW6
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbdcVF3UgDc
然後，我推開了她。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq32kOri92x
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFcy8dl5yeJ
史無前例地，我推開了正準近我，打算向我撒嬌的童桐。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoS4sgue8Fv
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoElaa6Mavc
「……」她露出寂寞的眼神。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSkkcbX9w0g
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0sf7tXpWdx
「你講得岩，我都有另一面，我都有做過D唔想俾你知既事。」我低頭說，「但…我好亂，我唔知，我唔知點樣面對你，同你一樣。」923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb0eWpS7wVZ
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeKYT3CIbX9
「邊個會無？我鐘意你，即使你有咩秘密都好我都一定會…」童桐說。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO62I3PEuRs
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyLgU9Fry5g
「我係你就唔會咁講。」我苦笑。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrjhZOgQ0ek
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoWCOTlbOv9
「係…？」923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhCbotFInWD
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRGMBUFjS6f
「我個時都咁講過，我話無論你做過咩，有咩秘密我都會接受到…然後我個心就碎左。」我輕撫自己的胸口。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7ScAuHygio
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4kT5w78Ola
愈是鐘愛於幻象，現實就更加殘酷。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxdE1oGbxsX
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdkeSEuh4hK
夢中愈是甘甜，現實便愈見苦澀。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPWtYXujAtI
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaRul9bupJd
「我唔信，呀遊你唔同我，你係個好人…」923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqzap9tsqYc
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm1fgzKdHNY
「我先唔係。」923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPl0yGVxerh
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS3GgJmjX50
我早就不是甚麼好人。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQocWMWuTNV
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2yqLFcZaeT
從明明連人家名字還沒記住便去追求人家，胡亂表白開始，到之後的事。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo3jJoJ2qHf
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJjroxgndFz
我才不是「除了射箭甚麼也不會」的人。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzk8Mmafi3Q
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXZVIz2KcC8
「咁你講出黎。」她說，「我寧願你親口講，都唔想某日自己發現。」923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx4DtdPIPe6
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUoue91pc1B
「……」923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUqpDR5jExC
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLeATPGaFGr
是我害得植嵐晨自殺。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdmFdxr0MSC
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyNgF2zU9Cj
那天我差點按下了清理瀏覽記錄而間接害死他。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwFUVthdXaX
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiTmzSyYES9
為了勝利我打算吃禁藥。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8pBv7lXMNJ
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbUZUJAehwI
我和妍妍有了肉體關係，但沒打算負責任。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbVl2tO4hei
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt3ZgoBFUow
當天第一次妍妍出現在水上樂園是，其實是PTGF。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUpYnvYMqJB
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjdZOHkUb4E
中學時那連串的表白行為，其中一些我可是明知有男朋友也照去馬。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYu5npGcxsJ
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn1cGApfGvD
……那年我打算過自殺，甚至已經完成了氦氣袋的試作型。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjUOulmeE20
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs24KlEeTf9
「呀遊，我地大家今晚都互相坦白喇…然後睇下點樣互相接受到對方，好唔好？我唔想無左你呢個青梅竹馬，無論做唔做到情侶都好。」童桐說。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8oRw9AFehq
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡstWFrpCaTd
「我諗…今晚我地都攰。」我說，「我求其煮個公仔麵就返過去。」923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgiwyG7s6PB
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRJDdBuc1O5
「呀遊…」923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEU1D6xFTwP
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA7m676oYbr
「我會講。」我說，「只係…唔係今晚，我要，童桐，對唔住，我…做唔到…我好攰，我好撚亂呀，你明唔明呀。」923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1ZiqxhYiEZ
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYVV2tHAMAC
我試圖以過去的眼光看待她。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9wGCGax4pH
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Myev2PNPF
做不到。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0A5mP2bEIj
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJQHyK7230I
我試圖向她坦白自己做過的一切。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaKaA713DKg
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNKiuIrq7NR
做不到。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi9o2n8Cz7c
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXz4JuD4hq3
既然我知道了她的真面目後這樣激動，這樣看待她，反過來…其實也一樣吧。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡALJCrA4dLK
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkbpBXoCybh
只是現在是我在暗，她在明，她才這樣向我告解一樣。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEjQbAUaz86
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxtNHwd9fq2
下午離開Beta那兒之前，他幫我設定了一個倒數計時，現在距離核彈爆炸只剩下１６７小時。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuGa2aVYZ8p
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcS5rh7mfYM
我沒有高童桐一等，更別說是道德高地。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYiqV1SMHl4
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMygvx0x9na
所以我也沒法狠狠罵她一頓，然後說要帶她回正途，連這樣子我也做不到，這才是現在一切膠著，一切如陷五里霧中的原因。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnm4pG8bpbF
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTQBtGY2kQN
既，沒法坦白。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡETWuhVr1Bo
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHkzd6cU8vc
又，沒法斥責。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgep73xQpUT
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgYLmrx184T
既，沒法接受。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlJfP7pAame
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvk9ivhqgDS
也，沒法忘記。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFttCAEcWbV
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiuhLsoYv0W
而且…也沒法理解。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL9SQChgwX8
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF8H8O3fgET
明明妍妍叫我不用在意她，去處理和童桐之間的事，結果卻變成了這樣子。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO0aZCZqJa8
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡENIW3W7a3S
反倒有點對不起她了呢，我這爛人。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFWSToipEFw
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRLbVnv7cL6
我轉身胡亂地擦去眼淚，以免自己在童桐面前出醜。但這時背上傳來陣陣的溫暖，陣陣的柔軟，童桐從後抱住我，把頭靠到我背脊上，用耳朵貼住我的肌肉聆聽著我的心跳。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSjHAtyfVky
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHjz7lsL8my
「只要你係我身邊，你要嬲我幾耐都無所謂。」923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDNiLylvMx5
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡebjh4dJ0gI
「……」923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbxUMf2mW3Q
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFxTWQ9uMgW
「因為我地都應承過大家，嬲幾耐都好，最後都會搵返對方，唔準絕交，唔準永遠唔彩對方落去架嘛。」923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEdau3mYpFL
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAMhGcI7V6T
她能聽到我的脈動，反之亦然。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuyeDL4vNbc
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQnpvQ1se2V
我雖然沒法直接聽到，但我感受著童桐的每一下呼吸，每一下心跳，胸膛的每一起伏。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6s1522eZf2
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1le4mx1zAA
「只要你無事就好，我個晚真係好驚。」童桐說。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaBpp7WJUnL
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN32G9CMnhu
「嗯，我都睇到係你救左我。」923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUXK3SPBNeV
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi8ELVkbxMZ
「但即係係咁…即使你會討厭我，即使你個下已經知道左我係Dora,我唔知點面對你…我都唔想你有事。」923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwrVVvtrGW9
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTaB7LLyQdJ
曾經她只求唯有我別討厭她。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfScUB6P1ho
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSQEnApuNvR
曾經她即使全世界討厭她也不怕，因為有我在她身邊。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNCqbqLo1fe
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuGPpTpPY6J
…現在即使連我也討厭她，她也只想我安全健康。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQEN7yD9g6z
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJqr6gEQIsf
你叫我怎樣對你生氣，童桐。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJblO63Rz83
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVyY2Mu5zBa
「我…好多謝你，童桐。」我說，的確是她救了我。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJjl937L0tB
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYmQagtGITq
「…到你覺得可以講既時候，就同我講。」童桐說，「我地只要互相坦白，然後互相再接受，互相理解對方，一定可以捱過呢一關。」923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZgRmkbFkq2
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ91J35VapLQ
咦？923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8N3ocJegaP
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7FaJow2RWH
腦中如一道清泉流過…我覺得這就是我和童桐最大的差異之處。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn8nJcI1T7y
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWdkS1lFf4R
「接受與否」，是我的想法。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNpd52lBUF3
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYQL6wobdST
「如何接受」，是童桐的想法。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEfX565sq1F
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4tNfuHU5Gp
那天晚上我和童桐沒有得出任何答案，甚至說沒有任何進展。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ59d2y0CcFk
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeX8eZmg3qX
她甚至沒有提出我希望中的苦衷，使我可以諒解的苦衷，只能得出「性格使然」的絕望答案。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnmRa0m81cr
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoM0fC4eUAh
老實說，場面比我想像中平靜，至少我們沒有向對方咆哮或痛哭。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjp50wA7uAo
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOjTzkvPGXU
但是…無力感漸漸佔據了空氣，佔據了心底，連情緒該發洩向何處也沒有著力點。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn10liXwwUJ
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9w0snZxR1y
我寧願和她痛痛快快吵一架，也不想這樣子…923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ026iLp0s9e
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcGdHR67pyE
…我真的不想。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXDMJvcOBUt
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXPswm3bJIA
至於和她坦白的話，我覺得不是時候，所以也沒有說出口。我需要時間去沉澱，去思考，去好好盤算接下來的做法。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsgjVqzVj0o
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe5CES35Q1E
活了在幻象中廿多年的我，被狠狠地摔到現實中。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXn0c2pDIax
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEeAVF5wata
現在我要學習在現實中活下去。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡESRGDkv4Wy
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ3grBQlsIk
第二天早上，距離核彈發射還有１５３小時。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡduzmYkq6Zh
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAsQGR8osAe
童桐的窗簾現在到了早上醒來…也再沒有打開了。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTJEBJjVUCq
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZANfttcwbj
那兒，只有一片茫然和我心中懷念。
Penana
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