但現實是這樣又如何？980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhlAdJGkPyE
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡosQkA3J4V9
沒法理解，沒法接受。980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY2gHztno4U
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT91Eaj0MHf
童桐變了，已經不再是我小時候認識的那個她。980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8pazW5fJ5Q
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVWgYhzUHBu
但現實對我來說，過於…難以理解。980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyRBOWq4FAT
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb5cyhffYXH
她甚至連一個苦衷也不編，一個謊也不撒。980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoOoHBTb9AC
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqIqjJTrpnk
要該高興嗎，還是要哭？我曾經視她如宗教一樣的存在，現在卻。980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQfNJNKGsHZ
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwOJALR1d2p
現在卻。980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpQ9trkS4FN
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvYON18AhTN
感覺最近情緒上的衝擊，我已沒法作出正確的反應，腦海被攪成一團糊糨。我掩著臉搖著頭，恍如因射箭而滿是厚繭的雙手，能為我提供一個避風港。980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkRaffqjwC6
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsvcjbCQkon
因為我的避風巷已經毀了。980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnaTCwBk7k6
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFQuSc5eZsx
因為我的童年…980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyaroaf5uGV
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRA2FTjlp3s
…真真正正的，結束了。980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYzBmOxBu2y
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEAqv4vgMiX
「呀遊，我地都有唔想俾任何人見到既一面…我相信你都有。」童桐說，「但即使係咁…我都會接受，呀遊，因為由所有面向組成既…先係完整既你。」980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWFDIAS1W9l
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpwiq8bzNAv
甚麼是好人，甚麼是壞人？980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPEAOtbRYA9
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR19XvjYgHX
壞人在自己的故事中，也是一個英雄。980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ZJgBw0eWt
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1YOKuTr0EX
捐錢幫助窮人的慈善家，也有人視之為資本主義中的剝削者。980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJbvLgG1tLH
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuIgdkBoWdd
不用說到這樣宏大，我媽也不是沒被人說過HR死全家，我爸把釣到的魚放上網和人分享也被動保主義者說血腥屠夫。980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡErXiRkPys0
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ26nUKVowE8
但對我來說，二人都是父母，是家人。980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFJPiAP234C
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlqkNYuz9QS
不同人對於不同人來說，可以同時是好人，同時亦是壞人。980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3ovA6vdamK
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJaBQdgjM7c
…但當距離親近如我和童桐這樣，所有面向便互相嵌鑲成一個完整的存在，並非一個單獨面向。980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3AIercXzeN
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhFaEu3a7js
愛慕她的好。980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ2Q06BKuMg
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡah6sniD93K
便要接受她的壞。980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5G4Krqpkqf
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXa7wk7x3ie
我竟然天真的曾經以為童桐只有好的那一面，如甚麼完美的聖女。980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW83m9tmPao
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKHLOvekMK6
現在殘酷而赤裸裸的事實放在眼前，至於接受與否便是我們的課題了。980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡna1KHwKA43
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBUVrHI9xxt
即使我和童桐身上都穿著衣服，但卻比起過往十多年來任何時候還要更加赤裸，更加坦誠相見。980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUg2ER8P73n
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHcBm7T9mHO
「你肯定？」我冷冷地說。980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEHZldXK7aV
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz2VS5zYcNC
她還不知道我幹了甚麼。980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnSFDxdD2AI
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGrydGnV7bH
她還不知道我曾經打算幹甚麼。980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRgfMDNftKp
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj7gsmeVap1
「…嗯。」她說，「我，我又有咩資格話你？無論你做過咩都好…」980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6kwej4dPUW
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVeUAGvQNJ2
童桐雙眼發光，好像在淹水中捉到了救生圈一樣。980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhVDSW9HgI1
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJmznfTxjeM
「所以你覺得如果我都有一個黑暗面，一個黑化版既呀遊，我就同你一樣自私，同你一樣有唔見得光既一面，所以我地就平起平座，我就應該接受你，然後可以如以前一樣？」980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ6kAU4N4Xb
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfs6JU3ID26
「…唔係咁…」卻被我看穿了。980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDY2Ts3jKMx
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV3tPTh0DdE
「定係我咁講正合你意，咁樣你內心會舒服Ｄ，因為自甘墜落既人唔止你一個？」980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPire87HKLX
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlFu9uxPQC0
「唔係咁，唔係咁唔係咁，呀遊，唔好咁講，求下你…」童桐哭著說。980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj0ewCwTUuZ
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ16Bzod2QRh
「…童桐，我地永遠都唔可能好似以前一樣。」980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf4AUrFtqrl
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHFJcXj0Lxw
然後，我推開了她。980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3F7wEry3qA
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ2AXoYT8Tu
史無前例地，我推開了正準近我，打算向我撒嬌的童桐。980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSCJdMVdCQv
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBg7093PYwh
「……」她露出寂寞的眼神。980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4gXe1HOGx4
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfgfM8bOKQz
「你講得岩，我都有另一面，我都有做過D唔想俾你知既事。」我低頭說，「但…我好亂，我唔知，我唔知點樣面對你，同你一樣。」980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDrW9fi6WVq
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwW0dTwwjWU
「邊個會無？我鐘意你，即使你有咩秘密都好我都一定會…」童桐說。980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0XJghZ6mOW
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKgyGIqostx
「我係你就唔會咁講。」我苦笑。980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5HXPlDaVcV
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv9bxZAjnDF
「係…？」980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2bvQRaRRaN
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgdi8oB5M2i
「我個時都咁講過，我話無論你做過咩，有咩秘密我都會接受到…然後我個心就碎左。」我輕撫自己的胸口。980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzx4OvtzwnZ
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSNW3swOMTh
愈是鐘愛於幻象，現實就更加殘酷。980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXzuIAPK32U
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUGMxkysKWA
夢中愈是甘甜，現實便愈見苦澀。980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ97OlO2In5n
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFQtO18o7nF
「我唔信，呀遊你唔同我，你係個好人…」980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkbNJsxhYRm
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLbCCUUJKVr
「我先唔係。」980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDJSEcC3LXb
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNOyEKpBxVT
我早就不是甚麼好人。980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡARzbsnCntj
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy1HZIX1ftj
從明明連人家名字還沒記住便去追求人家，胡亂表白開始，到之後的事。980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrYBkAgdDvz
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpOM30Y7pTk
我才不是「除了射箭甚麼也不會」的人。980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxz3d6SMAd5
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6kv2lESNJw
「咁你講出黎。」她說，「我寧願你親口講，都唔想某日自己發現。」980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYHOKyslmot
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhe1b0GzMmX
「……」980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv2oyuMvT3l
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNhuX2lQL0B
是我害得植嵐晨自殺。980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYnbFw1R9uI
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAiSbE0xAdr
那天我差點按下了清理瀏覽記錄而間接害死他。980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡamSJLWaP2F
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlAAWNyjbIQ
為了勝利我打算吃禁藥。980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPYh1alqdGx
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxzmgOfH3ba
我和妍妍有了肉體關係，但沒打算負責任。980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrx3Wy3qfrb
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDCS9Kmn5iv
當天第一次妍妍出現在水上樂園是，其實是PTGF。980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5YKSPaSglD
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡei3nYU0Dhj
中學時那連串的表白行為，其中一些我可是明知有男朋友也照去馬。980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4OTRucQt0v
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJy8aJ7YHMl
……那年我打算過自殺，甚至已經完成了氦氣袋的試作型。980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYbfP5PstGP
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlVTGERLsRB
「呀遊，我地大家今晚都互相坦白喇…然後睇下點樣互相接受到對方，好唔好？我唔想無左你呢個青梅竹馬，無論做唔做到情侶都好。」童桐說。980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHcmsxnG5jm
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoek39vUpRK
「我諗…今晚我地都攰。」我說，「我求其煮個公仔麵就返過去。」980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVoRhaxmNKN
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2j7vWJGtu2
「呀遊…」980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1EUB0otgbW
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIeRuCoAUQM
「我會講。」我說，「只係…唔係今晚，我要，童桐，對唔住，我…做唔到…我好攰，我好撚亂呀，你明唔明呀。」980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXqSSvGhsmc
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxCTTSEjDe6
我試圖以過去的眼光看待她。980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6y0eYaXt6w
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9QTwzHvi2N
做不到。980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6sI4Qh4k3s
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAiKc1loEFK
我試圖向她坦白自己做過的一切。980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP8c66cVOfJ
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoSiHk5Qw4S
做不到。980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrTc10320Mi
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXqbHau6r01
既然我知道了她的真面目後這樣激動，這樣看待她，反過來…其實也一樣吧。980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHvWBlOHtux
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVYwtgEupJt
只是現在是我在暗，她在明，她才這樣向我告解一樣。980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUSMruHr6j8
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9UlRGlsHMe
下午離開Beta那兒之前，他幫我設定了一個倒數計時，現在距離核彈爆炸只剩下１６７小時。980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoZe5JqhnpZ
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpofIMaklZA
我沒有高童桐一等，更別說是道德高地。980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdd4H9CiclM
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEPClQmZCaW
所以我也沒法狠狠罵她一頓，然後說要帶她回正途，連這樣子我也做不到，這才是現在一切膠著，一切如陷五里霧中的原因。980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcR5UqumUFp
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2a1Uiw0w4N
既，沒法坦白。980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoJPDPOjNPZ
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmJXv0jg0r4
又，沒法斥責。980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSUijrlOnjL
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo8y5ngxxTl
既，沒法接受。980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡswgMbTNlrP
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuALHVusDAR
也，沒法忘記。980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq9VysvPbUT
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4tUwMPHCXJ
而且…也沒法理解。980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEfrhN8FZ5W
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Rwy0M6AZf
明明妍妍叫我不用在意她，去處理和童桐之間的事，結果卻變成了這樣子。980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm6xQOL9IZ2
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEblkFNIVFg
反倒有點對不起她了呢，我這爛人。980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBdTM4wgl4d
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIqGhh9m3Qv
我轉身胡亂地擦去眼淚，以免自己在童桐面前出醜。但這時背上傳來陣陣的溫暖，陣陣的柔軟，童桐從後抱住我，把頭靠到我背脊上，用耳朵貼住我的肌肉聆聽著我的心跳。980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeWcRmkgrND
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXRY8yGDAl9
「只要你係我身邊，你要嬲我幾耐都無所謂。」980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpuGG0HkeHA
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡksijtpePcG
「……」980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0IZDga5zcM
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0LdRzE3MK2
「因為我地都應承過大家，嬲幾耐都好，最後都會搵返對方，唔準絕交，唔準永遠唔彩對方落去架嘛。」980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqaIsx536CN
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn0vbmhotb3
她能聽到我的脈動，反之亦然。980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoGUqxvZ2bG
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6uUhPP0qmM
我雖然沒法直接聽到，但我感受著童桐的每一下呼吸，每一下心跳，胸膛的每一起伏。980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKXckWu0DQw
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEq7MBw4EDD
「只要你無事就好，我個晚真係好驚。」童桐說。980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcitaB18ESX
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQWZaWYETC7
「嗯，我都睇到係你救左我。」980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHho0tFLGgc
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Kd71iSN1R
「但即係係咁…即使你會討厭我，即使你個下已經知道左我係Dora,我唔知點面對你…我都唔想你有事。」980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqgUXA3y4bq
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX6WQ5WujsD
曾經她只求唯有我別討厭她。980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrpPMSFtRfo
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyfPTrS8MZE
曾經她即使全世界討厭她也不怕，因為有我在她身邊。980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfo1QqMMOWT
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXarCP352ut
…現在即使連我也討厭她，她也只想我安全健康。980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj7OgrYgwZj
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbMMaMYnUIC
你叫我怎樣對你生氣，童桐。980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfZG16KpDHY
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRVIgCQvfBe
「我…好多謝你，童桐。」我說，的確是她救了我。980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdoMy6fzODG
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlvW6jdkwPB
「…到你覺得可以講既時候，就同我講。」童桐說，「我地只要互相坦白，然後互相再接受，互相理解對方，一定可以捱過呢一關。」980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG21WA2n6nO
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpSQUdcNs0T
咦？980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH7TkATLXu3
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYFYZI1X7BV
腦中如一道清泉流過…我覺得這就是我和童桐最大的差異之處。980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkm7vGnE7qs
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpknkjJRoDW
「接受與否」，是我的想法。980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYlDIVIheAQ
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9HCBhTOPPv
「如何接受」，是童桐的想法。980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrYo0s7qO5a
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKV0Wwe6jrh
那天晚上我和童桐沒有得出任何答案，甚至說沒有任何進展。980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiZoqJ7pIvY
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJImU4QjY5K
她甚至沒有提出我希望中的苦衷，使我可以諒解的苦衷，只能得出「性格使然」的絕望答案。980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz0OV87hmUj
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6krNtjHpBI
老實說，場面比我想像中平靜，至少我們沒有向對方咆哮或痛哭。980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfVEsd3IVGn
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ97rWZQgSa
但是…無力感漸漸佔據了空氣，佔據了心底，連情緒該發洩向何處也沒有著力點。980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡImEnf2rdn0
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPsYmdGIqVK
我寧願和她痛痛快快吵一架，也不想這樣子…980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf3MdEyVykd
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVBxt9xH30z
…我真的不想。980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBm4pXzIVZf
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnlqLVeAdQH
至於和她坦白的話，我覺得不是時候，所以也沒有說出口。我需要時間去沉澱，去思考，去好好盤算接下來的做法。980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0iUtAIcxx2
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡADfkFxg6M2
活了在幻象中廿多年的我，被狠狠地摔到現實中。980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmUG3xXOy87
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhwLtj3uQfK
現在我要學習在現實中活下去。980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjvClPdAjlQ
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuZifq7rakf
第二天早上，距離核彈發射還有１５３小時。980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDh9gvX5C9H
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuaUjg4tjB0
童桐的窗簾現在到了早上醒來…也再沒有打開了。980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6SLXUSQfjb
980Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPzVoIRXsEc
那兒，只有一片茫然和我心中懷念。
Penana
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