又是一陣沉默，然後妍妍轉頭看著我問道：「呀遊。」903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiMnxXxcS1v
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9LfeoZuzl9
「…係？」我回答。903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD7lq7TpjYm
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz3LoQYpBlf
「你覺得PTGF係做Ｄ咩？」903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAgvVHoSSuw
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5c7slWlie1
PDGF，是Part Time Girl Friend簡寫，老實說不是甚麼新興東西，以往的名字有很多，援交，出租女友，兼職女友，爸爸活，Sugar Daddy之類…當然，仔細劃分用字定義還是能分出差異的，但…903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbG4N7crzMv
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGJdEcyrkTm
「因金錢利益與男性發生關係」，這點應該不會錯。903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4xQguXJjAB
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVRgHm6nKu3
妍妍看著海說：「嗯，可以咁講…雖然有Ｄ女仔堅持唔上床，只係行街睇戲食飯拖手之類，但係…」903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcoBpfYDcRV
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj2iNsbTeSX
我等著她最後那句。903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkAmHZIDsEw
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwX6S4HsWR6
「…我唔係個種。」妍妍說。903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu2v012jkvF
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7EV22JkCt1
「嗯，我聽緊。」我說。903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm7M6cCwLAX
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFo6HQUUwvU
她看看我，似乎發現我表情眼神沒甚麼變化後似乎放鬆了一點：「我仲以為你會介意添。」903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8y33wjnLyj
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuf711YmG1l
我失笑：「我又唔係你邊個，有咩好介意？」903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa6NnTUOxrL
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK6U35w5ZAp
「即係如果我同你親密Ｄ既你就會介意？」她反問。903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZEnOShoVdP
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1IhFG83Zjj
「我唔回答假設性問題。」我擺出官腔，因為我真的不知道。903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMjnXUyfSlB
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdKWRCHWizb
妍妍喝一口啤酒：「不過都唔係每個男仔我都會同佢做…普通都係遊下車河，去船P，食飯個Ｄ，如果真係岩Feel同信得過既先會做。」903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0bDzH9THa4
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvyvqsgyHB9
「咁…」903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxUEKm6FuOm
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsTYQ8MJN8Q
感覺我說甚麼也會錯。903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeRimZQzujN
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE8PDMu8q1Z
「之前我咪問你關於Deep-World，黑PR既事…我都係係客身上聽返黎，有錢人就有呢Ｄ門路，總之，我係想搵黑PR黎對付我唯一既個個EX 。」903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNf9EZVPlZF
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZDRHWQxbUT
妍妍說過她是A1，即是現在單身，但曾拍過一次拖。903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLuOFXzHJuE
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcLg4Kn8ZVf
「嗯，你講過。」903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSKGWgqZzKp
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvnicw4k33T
「但我估唔到你會記住。」她說，「估唔到你會記到童桐以外既事啊？」903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdqgCbOd5rc
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4FDV6L2Lk1
「咪笑我啦。」903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwXtWgUmD0t
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOmfaNC62nQ
她笑了。903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDLmuBAu0DJ
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCsg1b75iVY
「尋日係好日，佢就係尋日結婚…」妍妍看著漆黑的海說，「終於都完，感覺就好似發左場夢咁。」903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs7L5GtUMpS
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC2YqdVGB9X
「係好夢定惡夢？」903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3fowbvoiwX
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPBBjNOnQZx
「…同現實比，係好夢。」她說，「同個時我地打算過既將來比，係惡夢。」903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeOmzPZDaBA
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgpBD9Dn5A0
我仔細咀嚼這一句當中的含意。903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr9w8azuS9C
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt4OX3ThnfX
「曾經我同你一樣啊，呀遊。」她說，「曾經我都將一個人視為全宇宙，視為我既一切，我既世界就係圍住佢轉。過去，現在，未來，都因佢而起，因佢而存在，亦因佢而有寄望。」903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHFvchyEKbw
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLlmOxu2XTY
雖然我猜到了個大概，但我決定沉默。903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBpBxnC7rDU
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpvXVqJ8gsR
有時候甚麼也不回應，只是陪伴，就是最好的回應。903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDwEwcsNKiV
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcyio7JBg5Y
「我係你身上，就好似睇到曾經既自己咁。」妍妍說。903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuK3bIBW9c7
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI6kXeYcPHw
然後，她把頭靠到我的肩膊上。903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ3flPPHEyT
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjEizGL9gN6
「仲相信愛情，只為左一個人而活，全心，全靈，為左自己鐘意既人博盡全力去爭取，連對手係植嵐晨咁既級數既人都繼續前進。」903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmxjXkeTW3Y
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbgZ4NniywW
她一頭棕髮沿我胸膛傾瀉而下，撲鼻而來的是她頭髮的香氣夾雜海水咸味。903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8sDVcOD28s
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9RaRpZtqHy
妍妍深呼吸，然後嘆了一口氣：「唉，但…依加已經完晒，其實早就應該完，當年就應該完，係我一直放佢唔低，直到佢尋日婚都結埋…我先知道一直走唔出去既人係我，亦…只有我一個。」903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmUpYUjUtBj
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPle8peh0a4
在之前我也想像過童桐結婚而新郎不是我的畫面。903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9We3i4H5bB
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡItViMHH6x2
在之後，我連想像的勇氣也沒有。903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYwHX5dWrhD
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiCFgmFVszB
那是信仰的崩潰，世界的崩潰。903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEVaA0h9L86
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVktjeOlqL9
萬物的崩潰。903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxVvZI3Be8t
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpgoVYWnzF6
「所以你分手之後做PTGF…係因為…」903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFvkF1TJXvs
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcya9GSo8mq
「我以為佢會在意。」妍妍自嘲地冷笑，「至少以為佢會嬲，佢會話我污糟之類，但係…佢根本完全唔在意，我試過自己上網唱佢，佢都係理都唔理，本身至少想佢憎我，如果可以，我想佢至少憎我一世。」903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyMXb4aUMGC
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSPdxd03pgW
妍妍說著說著，眼淚便靜靜的淌下。903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmenprVQmbl
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQKcoumKraS
「點解…點解連憎我一世都唔可以？」妍妍哽咽地說，哭著的她全身在發抖。903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS5KRb5eHjC
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMZd9L2AaLG
愛的反面不是憎恨。903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡclTchwrjbt
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyGUrTK05PF
愛的反面是徹底的無視和冷漠。903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPqNAFuoROx
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXEqp06YPvS
不知道是不是她已經習慣了這表情，竟然連抹也不打算抹，恍如連自己也要放棄自己一樣。903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpRwvMnHqRc
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5ZHnefnDen
這光景，我看過。903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLbmTEu0Z4j
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVhrDVuY5cu
我在曾經的自己身上看過。903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0W68x6G6Xk
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZF0n4MwjBX
「你唔應該咁對自己。」我掏出紙巾輕印她的眼淚，「始終要放下。」903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhogiO1jXvx
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZYAZAKxlkc
「我知，但我做唔到。」把頭枕在我肩上的妍妍說，「等於我叫你放下童桐一樣。」903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZFiR0IFp8q
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLjv4yiLm8v
「無可能。」我搖頭。903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCG6ZqwR7lV
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTt2UFom1YI
「嗯，無可能。」她點頭。903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlBaOkH8LJx
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE9YQWfJ9PQ
她繼續說：「一開始我只係咁自暴自棄，後來…我就覺得無所謂，點都無所謂，同唔同既男仔去玩，去蒲，做咩都好…我已經無所謂，過得一日就一日，反正又有錢收。」903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvaI5p2Jdt6
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRh3Xiqb29D
她打了個哆嗦，然後說：「既然唔知做咩好，咁樣就做咩都得。」903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb9458CC8fV
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUcD2c4yTIY
失去人生目標的滋味，我倒還記憶猶新，大約幾小時前吧。903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuwnoSrDBb8
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTXB9rOKq6t
而且再往前回溯，在中學畢業後的暑假我也是這樣，唯一等待的就是自己慢慢在角落腐爛，做任何事也只是因本能而行動，也不記得今天是星期幾，幾月幾日，因為沒有需要。903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNoeUGxMPzn
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWQhbdavGuF
甚麼也再沒需要了。903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfUFUav3aGL
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7OBLCC25Yi
妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己。903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMWCkSjAJJf
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQRH0OmSqkP
我也在妍妍身上看到曾經的自己。903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHlVMhHuSEl
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCKCob84tBb
我把自己那時的頹然喪志和妍妍說了個大概，她同樣地靜靜的聽著，而且聽著聽著她把自己雙腳抱住，似乎好像聽到甚麼不願意回想起的事一樣。903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn7qjy3btN9
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6hrif3eSg3
話畢。903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ07No9fTyxA
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9AFVlizf43
妍妍閉上眼思考了一會兒，然後開口說：「睇黎我黎搵你呻係正確既選擇。」903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQeGMlmoaz4
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVYtmz8jSyP
「你想既，幾時都可以。」903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHEC4ZgL4BO
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiLIQrQGVc3
她沉默了片刻。903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRaIvzNBGGa
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZytZcW3d6m
「咁你個時點走出去？」她問我。903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZJ8a6qzCtc
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm8zhbukCjr
「一黎童桐唔俾我繼續摺落去喇。」我說，「二黎就係射返箭，射箭個時個人會好專心，射中靶會好有成功感，漸漸就走左出黎。」903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfzl8lnSV5X
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCc4CZUA9pO
「無興趣。」她微笑說。903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP3Hr67OtIQ
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWa7B4umz8C
「…咁點解個時你唔搵我？至少我可以好似童桐拖我出房咁樣幫你，我地細個都一齊玩過，我唔會唔理你。」我說。903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDm8Z05oxLV
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNJLVfuumNF
「個時我都未搵返你。我地細個個時又無Facebook IG呢Ｄ。」妍妍說，「係去到情聖係TG Group臨時要女仔同你去街，我先知個個係你。」903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8hf6iVUI5m
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwPhW1i14EU
「係咪…好失望？」我苦笑，「搞到要搵PTGF………雖，雖然係用黎激童桐啦，我本身都無諗住要搵PTGF，一日都係情聖自把自為，未未未未等到30歲轉生做魔法師囉…」903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2yV8esauPD
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEV2X896ccA
我說到了後半句才發現自己的發言何等窩囊，馬上手忙腳亂地想修正，但是似乎愈描愈黑。903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡauVY1F9Bl1
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUmAHMelnc9
「好啦，唔使解釋。」妍妍被我的慌張樣子逗笑，「你真係除左射箭咩都唔識架喎。」903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0gIZkKaQJS
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuhs9CeXRwD
「連你都咁講，嗚…」903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA2ITlgXJbD
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ILtD9S8tX
「咁樣先係你既賣點。」妍妍輕撫我被海風吹亂的頭髮說。903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWAhbx9yuqx
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU82lMyrs5F
同樣是看到我使出全力追求童桐，情聖在我身上看到自己沒有之物並覺得耀眼，而妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己並覺得懷念。903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG5oyql75Gb
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFCjwjA2S6b
我完全不覺我自己會為任何人帶來啟發，但似乎他們不這樣認為。903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMsBcOdfXVC
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ25iEeFoK6
「咁你以後有咩打算？既然個個人已經連婚都結埋。」我說。903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuGekCRHJ1M
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxDYBGB1aeo
「……我唔知。」妍妍看著海的雙眼變得空洞，不過她還把頭靠在我肩上，我很有信心她沒有任何投海的念頭。903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNHzFLYCVCJ
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkfvnZvBko4
然後她開口問：「你呢，如果最後童桐都係唔同你一齊，你又有咩打算？」903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQsOowUdlpG
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVfN17nvQjg
「……我唔知。」我給出和妍妍一模一樣的答案。903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYH0JxQLLSF
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqiMMc9USOL
看來我真的沒有鼓勵人的天分，但畢竟我也自身難保嘛。903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqE2T12WzQ9
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGaSTkl6qjj
「……」903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwXGGNh1BZA
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuo3OOR9IKt
兩個不知還可以怎樣辦的人，就這樣互相倚靠在一起，坐在海邊喝著廉價的啤酒，吹著因暑氣而帶點異味的海風。903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn1pXG9qq6e
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFfDAZZmgyI
不是甚麼事也能憑決心，憑努力去改寫的。903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdZFMlz2nBU
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjJNm80FRZc
夏天，也到尾聲了。903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNYO3Qi0oBo
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