又是一陣沉默,然後妍妍轉頭看著我問道:「呀遊。」816Please respect copyright.PENANAj7BeV7vs9R
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「…係?」我回答。816Please respect copyright.PENANA7iHgLKr6g5
816Please respect copyright.PENANAWALMbZW14e
「你覺得PTGF係做D咩?」816Please respect copyright.PENANAS6N45IckmR
816Please respect copyright.PENANAt5TTVEKP2Q
PDGF,是Part Time Girl Friend簡寫,老實說不是甚麼新興東西,以往的名字有很多,援交,出租女友,兼職女友,爸爸活,Sugar Daddy之類…當然,仔細劃分用字定義還是能分出差異的,但…816Please respect copyright.PENANATEUuchydXr
816Please respect copyright.PENANAhpVgMm5s4k
「因金錢利益與男性發生關係」,這點應該不會錯。816Please respect copyright.PENANANKlqL9RC1k
816Please respect copyright.PENANAgmrvxdVxZA
妍妍看著海說:「嗯,可以咁講…雖然有D女仔堅持唔上床,只係行街睇戲食飯拖手之類,但係…」816Please respect copyright.PENANAaEsp6JGstV
816Please respect copyright.PENANApvUe6s77qD
我等著她最後那句。816Please respect copyright.PENANA6yvzy1jGEy
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「…我唔係個種。」妍妍說。816Please respect copyright.PENANAeWnMKpMexV
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「嗯,我聽緊。」我說。816Please respect copyright.PENANAVLG8gGM9gu
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她看看我,似乎發現我表情眼神沒甚麼變化後似乎放鬆了一點:「我仲以為你會介意添。」816Please respect copyright.PENANAuk5LH3R1PO
816Please respect copyright.PENANAIxF7eV6chJ
我失笑:「我又唔係你邊個,有咩好介意?」816Please respect copyright.PENANAb7yfEkQHB1
816Please respect copyright.PENANAhOBDCQVdUc
「即係如果我同你親密D既你就會介意?」她反問。816Please respect copyright.PENANATLEc3eTKWp
816Please respect copyright.PENANAjeZe9s08UQ
「我唔回答假設性問題。」我擺出官腔,因為我真的不知道。816Please respect copyright.PENANAqLZ8wfgNpD
816Please respect copyright.PENANAqYAKpMtHrQ
妍妍喝一口啤酒:「不過都唔係每個男仔我都會同佢做…普通都係遊下車河,去船P,食飯個D,如果真係岩Feel同信得過既先會做。」816Please respect copyright.PENANA0EFDMal6Uo
816Please respect copyright.PENANANAjVq8wVet
「咁…」816Please respect copyright.PENANAp0NZYOwjuC
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感覺我說甚麼也會錯。816Please respect copyright.PENANAeHp52COIkD
816Please respect copyright.PENANAGOuWuxBh0G
「之前我咪問你關於Deep-World,黑PR既事…我都係係客身上聽返黎,有錢人就有呢D門路,總之,我係想搵黑PR黎對付我唯一既個個EX 。」816Please respect copyright.PENANAO95eIPW0s3
816Please respect copyright.PENANAu4GDmsEoAg
妍妍說過她是A1,即是現在單身,但曾拍過一次拖。816Please respect copyright.PENANAhbTXprUPwe
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「嗯,你講過。」816Please respect copyright.PENANA5pxpayVIqY
816Please respect copyright.PENANAF72VMd4ge0
「但我估唔到你會記住。」她說,「估唔到你會記到童桐以外既事啊?」816Please respect copyright.PENANA54OuRuaDOg
816Please respect copyright.PENANA2SkCcb5hn9
「咪笑我啦。」816Please respect copyright.PENANAOIey0XUSL4
816Please respect copyright.PENANADyVwU8N2AS
她笑了。816Please respect copyright.PENANASOgTXvaBC4
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「尋日係好日,佢就係尋日結婚…」妍妍看著漆黑的海說,「終於都完,感覺就好似發左場夢咁。」816Please respect copyright.PENANA0Y2OJZGs3L
816Please respect copyright.PENANAwjOUuOmQaC
「係好夢定惡夢?」816Please respect copyright.PENANArBXpXaN6QR
816Please respect copyright.PENANAR1ENIUldz5
「…同現實比,係好夢。」她說,「同個時我地打算過既將來比,係惡夢。」816Please respect copyright.PENANADDmMioJC4U
816Please respect copyright.PENANAMegira2rMa
我仔細咀嚼這一句當中的含意。816Please respect copyright.PENANA9cLuttO7d4
816Please respect copyright.PENANA7IAxPdj0Ph
「曾經我同你一樣啊,呀遊。」她說,「曾經我都將一個人視為全宇宙,視為我既一切,我既世界就係圍住佢轉。過去,現在,未來,都因佢而起,因佢而存在,亦因佢而有寄望。」816Please respect copyright.PENANAEmcRkXZVvg
816Please respect copyright.PENANAvO9aNajAD9
雖然我猜到了個大概,但我決定沉默。816Please respect copyright.PENANAtTjL3pHfIE
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有時候甚麼也不回應,只是陪伴,就是最好的回應。816Please respect copyright.PENANAaC2XwOZ7hq
816Please respect copyright.PENANABlz6ew7zxb
「我係你身上,就好似睇到曾經既自己咁。」妍妍說。816Please respect copyright.PENANACvklN9b588
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然後,她把頭靠到我的肩膊上。816Please respect copyright.PENANA5UlNQ3N67I
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「仲相信愛情,只為左一個人而活,全心,全靈,為左自己鐘意既人博盡全力去爭取,連對手係植嵐晨咁既級數既人都繼續前進。」816Please respect copyright.PENANAXsO1qrKLVm
816Please respect copyright.PENANA7MJqqOfiez
她一頭棕髮沿我胸膛傾瀉而下,撲鼻而來的是她頭髮的香氣夾雜海水咸味。816Please respect copyright.PENANAXsDgrucAOf
816Please respect copyright.PENANAPG6Uu8D8nx
妍妍深呼吸,然後嘆了一口氣:「唉,但…依加已經完晒,其實早就應該完,當年就應該完,係我一直放佢唔低,直到佢尋日婚都結埋…我先知道一直走唔出去既人係我,亦…只有我一個。」816Please respect copyright.PENANAqEzzzPY2p0
816Please respect copyright.PENANArOqKV3KkoY
在之前我也想像過童桐結婚而新郎不是我的畫面。816Please respect copyright.PENANA3XoqFNOEVG
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在之後,我連想像的勇氣也沒有。816Please respect copyright.PENANA55iZM5Uxf4
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那是信仰的崩潰,世界的崩潰。816Please respect copyright.PENANAE5eFNQuzHL
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萬物的崩潰。816Please respect copyright.PENANAUnyMPTnbXR
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「所以你分手之後做PTGF…係因為…」816Please respect copyright.PENANATdVxqwT1hI
816Please respect copyright.PENANAsrGdZGDgob
「我以為佢會在意。」妍妍自嘲地冷笑,「至少以為佢會嬲,佢會話我污糟之類,但係…佢根本完全唔在意,我試過自己上網唱佢,佢都係理都唔理,本身至少想佢憎我,如果可以,我想佢至少憎我一世。」816Please respect copyright.PENANAlc0Ap7R8qQ
816Please respect copyright.PENANAyxXGFPGgSG
妍妍說著說著,眼淚便靜靜的淌下。816Please respect copyright.PENANAiLAwxTufSy
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「點解…點解連憎我一世都唔可以?」妍妍哽咽地說,哭著的她全身在發抖。816Please respect copyright.PENANAB0um31EQf4
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愛的反面不是憎恨。816Please respect copyright.PENANAREcEuK2cbk
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愛的反面是徹底的無視和冷漠。816Please respect copyright.PENANAeL9GVn8yN6
816Please respect copyright.PENANA8Z9kOukbHA
不知道是不是她已經習慣了這表情,竟然連抹也不打算抹,恍如連自己也要放棄自己一樣。816Please respect copyright.PENANA8kT6njLMSY
816Please respect copyright.PENANA2EAT7HwlJU
這光景,我看過。816Please respect copyright.PENANAhSoaKY5hJY
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我在曾經的自己身上看過。816Please respect copyright.PENANATlRGzfsxVJ
816Please respect copyright.PENANAsRMxLJyt4D
「你唔應該咁對自己。」我掏出紙巾輕印她的眼淚,「始終要放下。」816Please respect copyright.PENANAfQVgOIaPbS
816Please respect copyright.PENANAmPpK26lNTd
「我知,但我做唔到。」把頭枕在我肩上的妍妍說,「等於我叫你放下童桐一樣。」816Please respect copyright.PENANAZdk7vZGjRr
816Please respect copyright.PENANAMSYKCCcS7p
「無可能。」我搖頭。816Please respect copyright.PENANAWEJdaeotFu
816Please respect copyright.PENANAUj8ijUwD78
「嗯,無可能。」她點頭。816Please respect copyright.PENANARXi16g6LWb
816Please respect copyright.PENANAgYIe3F3Luj
她繼續說:「一開始我只係咁自暴自棄,後來…我就覺得無所謂,點都無所謂,同唔同既男仔去玩,去蒲,做咩都好…我已經無所謂,過得一日就一日,反正又有錢收。」816Please respect copyright.PENANAJSzgq3HBuu
816Please respect copyright.PENANA9E0QBoPDfg
她打了個哆嗦,然後說:「既然唔知做咩好,咁樣就做咩都得。」816Please respect copyright.PENANAYgxsHTLG9O
816Please respect copyright.PENANAdTWOiJ2Ey0
失去人生目標的滋味,我倒還記憶猶新,大約幾小時前吧。816Please respect copyright.PENANALZhwGgkkqQ
816Please respect copyright.PENANAfsRJ5k7Blg
而且再往前回溯,在中學畢業後的暑假我也是這樣,唯一等待的就是自己慢慢在角落腐爛,做任何事也只是因本能而行動,也不記得今天是星期幾,幾月幾日,因為沒有需要。816Please respect copyright.PENANAOrDGwiAE5F
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甚麼也再沒需要了。816Please respect copyright.PENANAdC6Xi8ff7q
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妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己。816Please respect copyright.PENANAdqVRjsCjuz
816Please respect copyright.PENANA1zMzrTDIDf
我也在妍妍身上看到曾經的自己。816Please respect copyright.PENANAU4zj0o0coT
816Please respect copyright.PENANAQBd0JReJwl
我把自己那時的頹然喪志和妍妍說了個大概,她同樣地靜靜的聽著,而且聽著聽著她把自己雙腳抱住,似乎好像聽到甚麼不願意回想起的事一樣。816Please respect copyright.PENANA3iKmF97xog
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話畢。816Please respect copyright.PENANAmSi1Xs1QIx
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妍妍閉上眼思考了一會兒,然後開口說:「睇黎我黎搵你呻係正確既選擇。」816Please respect copyright.PENANAENk0PUmFwD
816Please respect copyright.PENANAuC4oxBlk3o
「你想既,幾時都可以。」816Please respect copyright.PENANAGVqHmT4t1m
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她沉默了片刻。816Please respect copyright.PENANAti9GALbPsa
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「咁你個時點走出去?」她問我。816Please respect copyright.PENANAJWEVbyax1D
816Please respect copyright.PENANAxe98qhAo1S
「一黎童桐唔俾我繼續摺落去喇。」我說,「二黎就係射返箭,射箭個時個人會好專心,射中靶會好有成功感,漸漸就走左出黎。」816Please respect copyright.PENANAUseC3Y7GRn
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「無興趣。」她微笑說。816Please respect copyright.PENANA5MQiWt99pp
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「…咁點解個時你唔搵我?至少我可以好似童桐拖我出房咁樣幫你,我地細個都一齊玩過,我唔會唔理你。」我說。816Please respect copyright.PENANAxeeE1bhZqf
816Please respect copyright.PENANA7ZfvWUlNxf
「個時我都未搵返你。我地細個個時又無Facebook IG呢D。」妍妍說,「係去到情聖係TG Group臨時要女仔同你去街,我先知個個係你。」816Please respect copyright.PENANACWFftO3gkq
816Please respect copyright.PENANA15es0VIPY9
「係咪…好失望?」我苦笑,「搞到要搵PTGF………雖,雖然係用黎激童桐啦,我本身都無諗住要搵PTGF,一日都係情聖自把自為,未未未未等到30歲轉生做魔法師囉…」816Please respect copyright.PENANAySlmZeO7fq
816Please respect copyright.PENANAe2PkOis0Z0
我說到了後半句才發現自己的發言何等窩囊,馬上手忙腳亂地想修正,但是似乎愈描愈黑。816Please respect copyright.PENANAci7QJ11hvi
816Please respect copyright.PENANAEX2zyhMDD7
「好啦,唔使解釋。」妍妍被我的慌張樣子逗笑,「你真係除左射箭咩都唔識架喎。」816Please respect copyright.PENANA5TXdb86UAx
816Please respect copyright.PENANA8iIW6fZ5vj
「連你都咁講,嗚…」816Please respect copyright.PENANAt7oJKfxcmM
816Please respect copyright.PENANAlyxfzPJ3XO
「咁樣先係你既賣點。」妍妍輕撫我被海風吹亂的頭髮說。816Please respect copyright.PENANAJuHTKa6NU4
816Please respect copyright.PENANAwus6DUry0I
同樣是看到我使出全力追求童桐,情聖在我身上看到自己沒有之物並覺得耀眼,而妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己並覺得懷念。816Please respect copyright.PENANAyo4QH1FY3l
816Please respect copyright.PENANA0Cc8w2ORRS
我完全不覺我自己會為任何人帶來啟發,但似乎他們不這樣認為。816Please respect copyright.PENANAZYNu3Df9tI
816Please respect copyright.PENANAAdMVGiwgjA
「咁你以後有咩打算?既然個個人已經連婚都結埋。」我說。816Please respect copyright.PENANA7kVzWS5KxP
816Please respect copyright.PENANAYg2zYzIXDm
「……我唔知。」妍妍看著海的雙眼變得空洞,不過她還把頭靠在我肩上,我很有信心她沒有任何投海的念頭。816Please respect copyright.PENANAVYFb7gMzZs
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然後她開口問:「你呢,如果最後童桐都係唔同你一齊,你又有咩打算?」816Please respect copyright.PENANABsIt2SyeST
816Please respect copyright.PENANA9MXc4tgVAR
「……我唔知。」我給出和妍妍一模一樣的答案。816Please respect copyright.PENANA6d0MmC38bT
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看來我真的沒有鼓勵人的天分,但畢竟我也自身難保嘛。816Please respect copyright.PENANAQaeWBTzFOx
816Please respect copyright.PENANAyhlQvrYmVc
「……」816Please respect copyright.PENANAVEtnpluOPK
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兩個不知還可以怎樣辦的人,就這樣互相倚靠在一起,坐在海邊喝著廉價的啤酒,吹著因暑氣而帶點異味的海風。816Please respect copyright.PENANAxFMUiCoG04
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不是甚麼事也能憑決心,憑努力去改寫的。816Please respect copyright.PENANAKLYaRCibN7
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夏天,也到尾聲了。816Please respect copyright.PENANAHh5a6nHtbL