又是一陣沉默，然後妍妍轉頭看著我問道：「呀遊。」869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1EQGi5oH1B
869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPe76MPTK3F
「…係？」我回答。869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSj2WOSydLA
869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEqXT5Nzy3y
「你覺得PTGF係做Ｄ咩？」869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS0ecVaDAfu
869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTmJuqPdcY3
PDGF，是Part Time Girl Friend簡寫，老實說不是甚麼新興東西，以往的名字有很多，援交，出租女友，兼職女友，爸爸活，Sugar Daddy之類…當然，仔細劃分用字定義還是能分出差異的，但…869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkt6jhqtFzI
869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbdMagRuxiu
「因金錢利益與男性發生關係」，這點應該不會錯。869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6MTojOtPbu
869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLGkJsoLqtD
妍妍看著海說：「嗯，可以咁講…雖然有Ｄ女仔堅持唔上床，只係行街睇戲食飯拖手之類，但係…」869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmwonSpRsWM
869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSkFfYU9ArU
我等著她最後那句。869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1ukKH1wsdL
869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQJtuYzmSHD
「…我唔係個種。」妍妍說。869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXPurSPQFbf
869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIZ8RUWJm68
「嗯，我聽緊。」我說。869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt6YToZ04ml
869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL3mWTyJzKw
她看看我，似乎發現我表情眼神沒甚麼變化後似乎放鬆了一點：「我仲以為你會介意添。」869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUGS4NFyAs8
869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡws4CQCJZbV
我失笑：「我又唔係你邊個，有咩好介意？」869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY1yRLNmNj0
869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmTo9c9o6yf
「即係如果我同你親密Ｄ既你就會介意？」她反問。869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIemCmgVHgM
869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzFCoK2rX0s
「我唔回答假設性問題。」我擺出官腔，因為我真的不知道。869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA6Epuyb0VZ
869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA0J0CbG5Qb
妍妍喝一口啤酒：「不過都唔係每個男仔我都會同佢做…普通都係遊下車河，去船P，食飯個Ｄ，如果真係岩Feel同信得過既先會做。」869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1rzW339c4m
869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDBbKGWuYHX
「咁…」869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJLfQhymPcw
869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ194VwJx33q
感覺我說甚麼也會錯。869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZcDXfOnrzG
869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg9gdbqIfZE
「之前我咪問你關於Deep-World，黑PR既事…我都係係客身上聽返黎，有錢人就有呢Ｄ門路，總之，我係想搵黑PR黎對付我唯一既個個EX 。」869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOK5eqCSzds
869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgOjXtUE5gL
妍妍說過她是A1，即是現在單身，但曾拍過一次拖。869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡplpMl2ptjm
869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG5jTYqhU0c
「嗯，你講過。」869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM9qJAIXEde
869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS7xcnp8q5N
「但我估唔到你會記住。」她說，「估唔到你會記到童桐以外既事啊？」869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt6ZcUSSDEK
869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ02RD4pbaNa
「咪笑我啦。」869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7ab4rjOuZw
869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaIqWjADBBM
她笑了。869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWkkPATFvpb
869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKrj3r0UBMs
「尋日係好日，佢就係尋日結婚…」妍妍看著漆黑的海說，「終於都完，感覺就好似發左場夢咁。」869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUY92a25iqe
869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡApfelRm1f8
「係好夢定惡夢？」869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKyOIPkuX4u
869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6GsIuP9z0m
「…同現實比，係好夢。」她說，「同個時我地打算過既將來比，係惡夢。」869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOAWzMyxNJy
869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnQuKLuCIOv
我仔細咀嚼這一句當中的含意。869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf6nqpAoTex
869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXXY2tVBmRk
「曾經我同你一樣啊，呀遊。」她說，「曾經我都將一個人視為全宇宙，視為我既一切，我既世界就係圍住佢轉。過去，現在，未來，都因佢而起，因佢而存在，亦因佢而有寄望。」869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWO7iDgyUwA
869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ4LiwrsmDu
雖然我猜到了個大概，但我決定沉默。869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbnjMX3vadc
869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPyQ9Fd6B2U
有時候甚麼也不回應，只是陪伴，就是最好的回應。869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW0B948njs2
869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIZN0Eq79mI
「我係你身上，就好似睇到曾經既自己咁。」妍妍說。869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8VLP7LK7HM
869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡimcvexwyMq
然後，她把頭靠到我的肩膊上。869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0JT8r938UD
869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuleGL8L8Yb
「仲相信愛情，只為左一個人而活，全心，全靈，為左自己鐘意既人博盡全力去爭取，連對手係植嵐晨咁既級數既人都繼續前進。」869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRoJWZWN6qF
869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHhRrDlm8qn
她一頭棕髮沿我胸膛傾瀉而下，撲鼻而來的是她頭髮的香氣夾雜海水咸味。869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb1osXJVJLb
869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLK6QZaKgZx
妍妍深呼吸，然後嘆了一口氣：「唉，但…依加已經完晒，其實早就應該完，當年就應該完，係我一直放佢唔低，直到佢尋日婚都結埋…我先知道一直走唔出去既人係我，亦…只有我一個。」869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKtOrszB11M
869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkzWmwuLd8D
在之前我也想像過童桐結婚而新郎不是我的畫面。869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq3PS6Bq4XN
869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsy0YzqcDKj
在之後，我連想像的勇氣也沒有。869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRoSo15b6em
869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP5vlwlLVQD
那是信仰的崩潰，世界的崩潰。869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjrvj0Z9FtO
869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9R6vM9YoMA
萬物的崩潰。869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDWL4aJGQvW
869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTXp6FTDXY8
「所以你分手之後做PTGF…係因為…」869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG4TPHlRyFb
869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVvvP6rOeaT
「我以為佢會在意。」妍妍自嘲地冷笑，「至少以為佢會嬲，佢會話我污糟之類，但係…佢根本完全唔在意，我試過自己上網唱佢，佢都係理都唔理，本身至少想佢憎我，如果可以，我想佢至少憎我一世。」869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLI25CL5LVm
869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjUtSpdu2Sz
妍妍說著說著，眼淚便靜靜的淌下。869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDkMcFPLDtP
869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHo8bVUy1jG
「點解…點解連憎我一世都唔可以？」妍妍哽咽地說，哭著的她全身在發抖。869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh1usk6ph42
869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO79zQU3QpJ
愛的反面不是憎恨。869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOoJmfBeCL3
869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgckXTRknOp
愛的反面是徹底的無視和冷漠。869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzfcSokhfwz
869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmpz0I2fm4R
不知道是不是她已經習慣了這表情，竟然連抹也不打算抹，恍如連自己也要放棄自己一樣。869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJxSzT2BlB0
869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2APFpojfIH
這光景，我看過。869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8aabu2uVJ1
869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdS8qkGs5od
我在曾經的自己身上看過。869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVqVStgsALb
869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVWweRYdCME
「你唔應該咁對自己。」我掏出紙巾輕印她的眼淚，「始終要放下。」869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfwrF12KNTa
869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeawvGxJ2GG
「我知，但我做唔到。」把頭枕在我肩上的妍妍說，「等於我叫你放下童桐一樣。」869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4csigcl36M
869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ4ExykYItJ
「無可能。」我搖頭。869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEW1QimrHxu
869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDG5YGu8r0Q
「嗯，無可能。」她點頭。869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3qfedXuLyq
869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd9sBlXbwIi
她繼續說：「一開始我只係咁自暴自棄，後來…我就覺得無所謂，點都無所謂，同唔同既男仔去玩，去蒲，做咩都好…我已經無所謂，過得一日就一日，反正又有錢收。」869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ53ZkTBCLCz
869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtuECdksVUv
她打了個哆嗦，然後說：「既然唔知做咩好，咁樣就做咩都得。」869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5F6TQPp3B8
869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTFCMhVqWke
失去人生目標的滋味，我倒還記憶猶新，大約幾小時前吧。869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAsU7rHUMNm
869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvjQMGCdiIk
而且再往前回溯，在中學畢業後的暑假我也是這樣，唯一等待的就是自己慢慢在角落腐爛，做任何事也只是因本能而行動，也不記得今天是星期幾，幾月幾日，因為沒有需要。869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfdh59W9W3h
869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoa3b8Z4moO
甚麼也再沒需要了。869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7eiDwWlv6z
869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuiRbW5Dus9
妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己。869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxfsg5NMQ3v
869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf1IeReu8n1
我也在妍妍身上看到曾經的自己。869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkY5ZSqTBEg
869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTCjx5uad5H
我把自己那時的頹然喪志和妍妍說了個大概，她同樣地靜靜的聽著，而且聽著聽著她把自己雙腳抱住，似乎好像聽到甚麼不願意回想起的事一樣。869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc0B3cjXIu2
869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrfXnAcKMeC
話畢。869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNBi99he1CW
869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDIqrk8bzjJ
妍妍閉上眼思考了一會兒，然後開口說：「睇黎我黎搵你呻係正確既選擇。」869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc9qJgCpqqj
869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI9wOGXci00
「你想既，幾時都可以。」869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbog0duBBt8
869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqE10fSHWpv
她沉默了片刻。869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq2kpDGS2m0
869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxMRVceIMcL
「咁你個時點走出去？」她問我。869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡckGlWHK5Dz
869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJLGohonrN4
「一黎童桐唔俾我繼續摺落去喇。」我說，「二黎就係射返箭，射箭個時個人會好專心，射中靶會好有成功感，漸漸就走左出黎。」869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdJLOCwSpot
869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4i9Mh1oLgv
「無興趣。」她微笑說。869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYR0kD8z5ck
869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ34G0hdNGX
「…咁點解個時你唔搵我？至少我可以好似童桐拖我出房咁樣幫你，我地細個都一齊玩過，我唔會唔理你。」我說。869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFJe0ADyiDP
869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIgftAacniv
「個時我都未搵返你。我地細個個時又無Facebook IG呢Ｄ。」妍妍說，「係去到情聖係TG Group臨時要女仔同你去街，我先知個個係你。」869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6p44CXKndV
869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQu9jvoHtSr
「係咪…好失望？」我苦笑，「搞到要搵PTGF………雖，雖然係用黎激童桐啦，我本身都無諗住要搵PTGF，一日都係情聖自把自為，未未未未等到30歲轉生做魔法師囉…」869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnwU3JOw9oE
869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg9MUHY01L9
我說到了後半句才發現自己的發言何等窩囊，馬上手忙腳亂地想修正，但是似乎愈描愈黑。869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjAH1K3JzI7
869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp7NbVuwAR9
「好啦，唔使解釋。」妍妍被我的慌張樣子逗笑，「你真係除左射箭咩都唔識架喎。」869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxIcOkLcRTz
869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ43btsulRPm
「連你都咁講，嗚…」869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl5cwAlwc93
869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbKUqt8RcU5
「咁樣先係你既賣點。」妍妍輕撫我被海風吹亂的頭髮說。869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYZR0nnXGeW
869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhTAREjAYZs
同樣是看到我使出全力追求童桐，情聖在我身上看到自己沒有之物並覺得耀眼，而妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己並覺得懷念。869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMUcCWEzEIg
869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhqt39KKosz
我完全不覺我自己會為任何人帶來啟發，但似乎他們不這樣認為。869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWmxvrAEFVE
869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxf3IDRsczi
「咁你以後有咩打算？既然個個人已經連婚都結埋。」我說。869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiHjtZ35hIC
869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfNgFZ6IHNT
「……我唔知。」妍妍看著海的雙眼變得空洞，不過她還把頭靠在我肩上，我很有信心她沒有任何投海的念頭。869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2gJhVQgxK5
869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3WxN0aon4q
然後她開口問：「你呢，如果最後童桐都係唔同你一齊，你又有咩打算？」869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJgAIWh6Y4P
869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHUt03Oke78
「……我唔知。」我給出和妍妍一模一樣的答案。869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJnVgrVdvLl
869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxe6JuDMQEL
看來我真的沒有鼓勵人的天分，但畢竟我也自身難保嘛。869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGfEbzr0YrF
869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrmuHAPy45j
「……」869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjv6qeI2MyH
869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkDjGtAhP1b
兩個不知還可以怎樣辦的人，就這樣互相倚靠在一起，坐在海邊喝著廉價的啤酒，吹著因暑氣而帶點異味的海風。869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡueFm8BsgFv
869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH1rEXprVEl
不是甚麼事也能憑決心，憑努力去改寫的。869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8DoWm8zyAt
869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIBUUKzRQbB
夏天，也到尾聲了。869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPTDOP5h855
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