又是一陣沉默，然後妍妍轉頭看著我問道：「呀遊。」918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0rPisaotdV
918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqJaSG2uUTx
「…係？」我回答。918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8DzDe7CKZm
918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡksvBsZQaHr
「你覺得PTGF係做Ｄ咩？」918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMD90YTlEz6
918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGG4qWMOgxA
PDGF，是Part Time Girl Friend簡寫，老實說不是甚麼新興東西，以往的名字有很多，援交，出租女友，兼職女友，爸爸活，Sugar Daddy之類…當然，仔細劃分用字定義還是能分出差異的，但…918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpXxhRRr2H7
918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzOYSJIOzJq
「因金錢利益與男性發生關係」，這點應該不會錯。918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGd0PfYdb7S
918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2SQjTm6bNd
妍妍看著海說：「嗯，可以咁講…雖然有Ｄ女仔堅持唔上床，只係行街睇戲食飯拖手之類，但係…」918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0A83Jsu2NF
918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLZR1wGMWb5
我等著她最後那句。918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGaQ2Qgm8PL
918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmwxuP7eHdb
「…我唔係個種。」妍妍說。918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCdN0v7Xyfz
918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUe2rBmkGdj
「嗯，我聽緊。」我說。918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTG4ptD69Bu
918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNHXeLtTfT7
她看看我，似乎發現我表情眼神沒甚麼變化後似乎放鬆了一點：「我仲以為你會介意添。」918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9aUtUb1dDI
918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ32X6J1TQOA
我失笑：「我又唔係你邊個，有咩好介意？」918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhK7Xk94ZYs
918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPKcceNApj6
「即係如果我同你親密Ｄ既你就會介意？」她反問。918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP6boFZh2AY
918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOVde0czFig
「我唔回答假設性問題。」我擺出官腔，因為我真的不知道。918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMMjbd2FQJP
918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9fpoKFsRGR
妍妍喝一口啤酒：「不過都唔係每個男仔我都會同佢做…普通都係遊下車河，去船P，食飯個Ｄ，如果真係岩Feel同信得過既先會做。」918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVlF8jmsbGI
918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZIUysHfOID
「咁…」918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxZmAHPMYSv
918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAOuXbv8wKY
感覺我說甚麼也會錯。918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFlzwnMBtch
918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqVceuDJfaU
「之前我咪問你關於Deep-World，黑PR既事…我都係係客身上聽返黎，有錢人就有呢Ｄ門路，總之，我係想搵黑PR黎對付我唯一既個個EX 。」918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ42Lkv4Cunl
918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡccFSuFkqQc
妍妍說過她是A1，即是現在單身，但曾拍過一次拖。918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOrOppvT7fr
918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsOIjWqlQUw
「嗯，你講過。」918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq9dgjxDs4i
918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡisluTh0Lqf
「但我估唔到你會記住。」她說，「估唔到你會記到童桐以外既事啊？」918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHfB2j5GQkD
918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDo2fr6l15u
「咪笑我啦。」918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4m4d59DTsP
918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnfo5euWgJQ
她笑了。918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ6P1jnNJnX
918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZegFJs5rW5
「尋日係好日，佢就係尋日結婚…」妍妍看著漆黑的海說，「終於都完，感覺就好似發左場夢咁。」918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWc25T2CKel
918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh6sIlpwpt0
「係好夢定惡夢？」918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡecDMaDnRxc
918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgfm5byZGwr
「…同現實比，係好夢。」她說，「同個時我地打算過既將來比，係惡夢。」918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXhewSCpEG2
918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYgIyd9nBf6
我仔細咀嚼這一句當中的含意。918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOeYflqrzq0
918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu9IvRGDgFA
「曾經我同你一樣啊，呀遊。」她說，「曾經我都將一個人視為全宇宙，視為我既一切，我既世界就係圍住佢轉。過去，現在，未來，都因佢而起，因佢而存在，亦因佢而有寄望。」918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡskG01KH2No
918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvG0k1SUPDK
雖然我猜到了個大概，但我決定沉默。918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8jZKABrRCa
918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS9GzLLiYCT
有時候甚麼也不回應，只是陪伴，就是最好的回應。918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtKKtxFSBpR
918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq44w4awdgf
「我係你身上，就好似睇到曾經既自己咁。」妍妍說。918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4e83cwaGGP
918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNpVHWOy3Kv
然後，她把頭靠到我的肩膊上。918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS7U2aq3fon
918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxKFkBf6oLO
「仲相信愛情，只為左一個人而活，全心，全靈，為左自己鐘意既人博盡全力去爭取，連對手係植嵐晨咁既級數既人都繼續前進。」918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOURULRhvI5
918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUVQ1cjzeeZ
她一頭棕髮沿我胸膛傾瀉而下，撲鼻而來的是她頭髮的香氣夾雜海水咸味。918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ85ZfMsW7hx
918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcfzSG9WoG0
妍妍深呼吸，然後嘆了一口氣：「唉，但…依加已經完晒，其實早就應該完，當年就應該完，係我一直放佢唔低，直到佢尋日婚都結埋…我先知道一直走唔出去既人係我，亦…只有我一個。」918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡybRpcUuStl
918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi7j6Mc6QY7
在之前我也想像過童桐結婚而新郎不是我的畫面。918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡECU72pzoaE
918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWdcUhEujt1
在之後，我連想像的勇氣也沒有。918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXawxF1uauw
918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjCNySjdfkp
那是信仰的崩潰，世界的崩潰。918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7qkGEZS639
918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5CVzeWyvPA
萬物的崩潰。918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaUdekf1wV1
918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtJrwf5BA5F
「所以你分手之後做PTGF…係因為…」918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6LNbzcPY2l
918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGkYb4fIecE
「我以為佢會在意。」妍妍自嘲地冷笑，「至少以為佢會嬲，佢會話我污糟之類，但係…佢根本完全唔在意，我試過自己上網唱佢，佢都係理都唔理，本身至少想佢憎我，如果可以，我想佢至少憎我一世。」918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFntxlrnoDy
918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj7I0L2l1Yc
妍妍說著說著，眼淚便靜靜的淌下。918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2DJkzWc9Bu
918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3HQJJQakh6
「點解…點解連憎我一世都唔可以？」妍妍哽咽地說，哭著的她全身在發抖。918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnmMBBwZwyL
918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDXpwUW8ii7
愛的反面不是憎恨。918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFisja08fhr
918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFTML3faqYW
愛的反面是徹底的無視和冷漠。918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMt3jTIbbSN
918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡArVOgTkIyX
不知道是不是她已經習慣了這表情，竟然連抹也不打算抹，恍如連自己也要放棄自己一樣。918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMTdHCBOd83
918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuXHB9TySh8
這光景，我看過。918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvt4fVmEPMm
918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC79pBZLD1s
我在曾經的自己身上看過。918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8NnEiuvLG5
918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZzRp2cpEUr
「你唔應該咁對自己。」我掏出紙巾輕印她的眼淚，「始終要放下。」918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMjeIsyOHXl
918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxji5vf9wyR
「我知，但我做唔到。」把頭枕在我肩上的妍妍說，「等於我叫你放下童桐一樣。」918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9SwKiEpGFc
918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDzLbYLdvCP
「無可能。」我搖頭。918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6cbviBJsOd
918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPOTMYboECS
「嗯，無可能。」她點頭。918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlVYTpLnQFR
918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB6EGwItcUE
她繼續說：「一開始我只係咁自暴自棄，後來…我就覺得無所謂，點都無所謂，同唔同既男仔去玩，去蒲，做咩都好…我已經無所謂，過得一日就一日，反正又有錢收。」918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡudFTdCicWC
918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ7h2WPMJ3x
她打了個哆嗦，然後說：「既然唔知做咩好，咁樣就做咩都得。」918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaKLRsUsNad
918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq7z2Fstqjr
失去人生目標的滋味，我倒還記憶猶新，大約幾小時前吧。918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm9V5dQlba0
918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd1hO2EEdD9
而且再往前回溯，在中學畢業後的暑假我也是這樣，唯一等待的就是自己慢慢在角落腐爛，做任何事也只是因本能而行動，也不記得今天是星期幾，幾月幾日，因為沒有需要。918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhYUwv8caMC
918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsbvVX2kkVw
甚麼也再沒需要了。918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwyBpTb3v5D
918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHeKwfYvV9O
妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己。918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjVR0ULPHT4
918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡodyZycfVyb
我也在妍妍身上看到曾經的自己。918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqp3LPOhfya
918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrhEG24MTTG
我把自己那時的頹然喪志和妍妍說了個大概，她同樣地靜靜的聽著，而且聽著聽著她把自己雙腳抱住，似乎好像聽到甚麼不願意回想起的事一樣。918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpxEZU811mm
918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBu4yGaBrzI
話畢。918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbFHgAKlpB6
918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5UVqIqEmSG
妍妍閉上眼思考了一會兒，然後開口說：「睇黎我黎搵你呻係正確既選擇。」918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEYklZhcfpV
918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVDknJQd9tl
「你想既，幾時都可以。」918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ89cboxHxUw
918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGQfKvihSAy
她沉默了片刻。918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwkpVfgZVju
918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmRarBbpH8P
「咁你個時點走出去？」她問我。918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmwvvE9Z5r4
918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCXAvkC9e5x
「一黎童桐唔俾我繼續摺落去喇。」我說，「二黎就係射返箭，射箭個時個人會好專心，射中靶會好有成功感，漸漸就走左出黎。」918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCulfjNSY2K
918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlZcWd1uAl9
「無興趣。」她微笑說。918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhrDH01e6Ik
918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTvg6FJdYak
「…咁點解個時你唔搵我？至少我可以好似童桐拖我出房咁樣幫你，我地細個都一齊玩過，我唔會唔理你。」我說。918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYnw6QVQP9M
918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFZ0kiixccj
「個時我都未搵返你。我地細個個時又無Facebook IG呢Ｄ。」妍妍說，「係去到情聖係TG Group臨時要女仔同你去街，我先知個個係你。」918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1TfpOsTUvK
918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQtZaEWZDFr
「係咪…好失望？」我苦笑，「搞到要搵PTGF………雖，雖然係用黎激童桐啦，我本身都無諗住要搵PTGF，一日都係情聖自把自為，未未未未等到30歲轉生做魔法師囉…」918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw5M6LvCkf1
918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQmcabNCDCJ
我說到了後半句才發現自己的發言何等窩囊，馬上手忙腳亂地想修正，但是似乎愈描愈黑。918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2lQAuyIrGh
918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFHv5tTq5jS
「好啦，唔使解釋。」妍妍被我的慌張樣子逗笑，「你真係除左射箭咩都唔識架喎。」918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxCIX8BIa0G
918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqSHxFZHyaK
「連你都咁講，嗚…」918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhmnqHXJbf1
918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0KKEEXYDwZ
「咁樣先係你既賣點。」妍妍輕撫我被海風吹亂的頭髮說。918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcAlkJMonSQ
918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWoGe6iUxjO
同樣是看到我使出全力追求童桐，情聖在我身上看到自己沒有之物並覺得耀眼，而妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己並覺得懷念。918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQVUgYdy0hm
918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLJgVHJjVNo
我完全不覺我自己會為任何人帶來啟發，但似乎他們不這樣認為。918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDufPFENQmM
918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHs4Ua806Dt
「咁你以後有咩打算？既然個個人已經連婚都結埋。」我說。918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVRoLdfHAXa
918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5LNCsx5Uun
「……我唔知。」妍妍看著海的雙眼變得空洞，不過她還把頭靠在我肩上，我很有信心她沒有任何投海的念頭。918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzvyodjf7fp
918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1XpK6IKs1P
然後她開口問：「你呢，如果最後童桐都係唔同你一齊，你又有咩打算？」918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEENTJXARfB
918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEvjrG19AzV
「……我唔知。」我給出和妍妍一模一樣的答案。918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPJs8uncD6E
918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRr7dHvFmVs
看來我真的沒有鼓勵人的天分，但畢竟我也自身難保嘛。918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL5nqHtSIgm
918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKh6E5Jsghh
「……」918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFEPJwRxYKs
918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRAyZsfENFm
兩個不知還可以怎樣辦的人，就這樣互相倚靠在一起，坐在海邊喝著廉價的啤酒，吹著因暑氣而帶點異味的海風。918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlaO5Js0ppJ
918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc5WSJMw4z9
不是甚麼事也能憑決心，憑努力去改寫的。918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUC5wuFdedL
918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqNGFVVIdta
夏天，也到尾聲了。918Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCpCumy0C4I
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