但現實是這樣又如何？926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhMPompFdoG
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCuVrQ2Zatu
沒法理解，沒法接受。926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOp1aZB1qhu
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnh2FvN07T8
童桐變了，已經不再是我小時候認識的那個她。926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOBkbbcz8Lp
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2xvznIFvsK
但現實對我來說，過於…難以理解。926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDuNvUYMSNQ
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ97cLWrBLXf
她甚至連一個苦衷也不編，一個謊也不撒。926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrJe4o0Kohi
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaGxZgwaVo5
要該高興嗎，還是要哭？我曾經視她如宗教一樣的存在，現在卻。926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfYdKXJUWhL
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwWFCpmcy9Z
現在卻。926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf6J69Aw0fh
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUlMhUUxfFf
感覺最近情緒上的衝擊，我已沒法作出正確的反應，腦海被攪成一團糊糨。我掩著臉搖著頭，恍如因射箭而滿是厚繭的雙手，能為我提供一個避風港。926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Z39mfe2vt
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdzV7bQlZQ8
因為我的避風巷已經毀了。926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpgfC6BL59z
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRJK0A9ZdDt
因為我的童年…926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmSBD0q0kqX
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIriLUxNRVv
…真真正正的，結束了。926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi4MS8qYaLN
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcaWJWEOacH
「呀遊，我地都有唔想俾任何人見到既一面…我相信你都有。」童桐說，「但即使係咁…我都會接受，呀遊，因為由所有面向組成既…先係完整既你。」926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3suofoK2Ks
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn2tpOBUTvL
甚麼是好人，甚麼是壞人？926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoZLliJAsYX
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJFwXoIY095
壞人在自己的故事中，也是一個英雄。926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3pHJErbyHU
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfgnm21GMVR
捐錢幫助窮人的慈善家，也有人視之為資本主義中的剝削者。926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHXcehanNBn
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWQQeIGjWMg
不用說到這樣宏大，我媽也不是沒被人說過HR死全家，我爸把釣到的魚放上網和人分享也被動保主義者說血腥屠夫。926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2MT6E2rehA
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf3UlEgia9J
但對我來說，二人都是父母，是家人。926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuvnwD0fEvx
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAV597cJQr6
不同人對於不同人來說，可以同時是好人，同時亦是壞人。926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfkWmp3UzNK
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGTOJFTJzvT
…但當距離親近如我和童桐這樣，所有面向便互相嵌鑲成一個完整的存在，並非一個單獨面向。926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv1ZG3cpmW9
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuYc2gylGgb
愛慕她的好。926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYJ8bMoxb7L
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvAaZ3rGOXn
便要接受她的壞。926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9D19EEpeS6
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvs94xZkebd
我竟然天真的曾經以為童桐只有好的那一面，如甚麼完美的聖女。926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSUBwa3E8ox
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfTDU7223jL
現在殘酷而赤裸裸的事實放在眼前，至於接受與否便是我們的課題了。926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzDqf4aGRh1
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq7f0oWmrSQ
即使我和童桐身上都穿著衣服，但卻比起過往十多年來任何時候還要更加赤裸，更加坦誠相見。926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3HRAuK5l5m
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡODGEzOKzQP
「你肯定？」我冷冷地說。926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW6IQFPUcaQ
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk9MiZmAGQw
她還不知道我幹了甚麼。926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Yfo1LPVzG
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZFahhN1JwN
她還不知道我曾經打算幹甚麼。926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7j4UoBLTQS
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmzBXyfMARw
「…嗯。」她說，「我，我又有咩資格話你？無論你做過咩都好…」926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg7giTYkTdO
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0LLmuNVgMh
童桐雙眼發光，好像在淹水中捉到了救生圈一樣。926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVPsl8HLXUu
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaGAqbzkAm4
「所以你覺得如果我都有一個黑暗面，一個黑化版既呀遊，我就同你一樣自私，同你一樣有唔見得光既一面，所以我地就平起平座，我就應該接受你，然後可以如以前一樣？」926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXPV4tGNoZ2
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt8rrt7VwvD
「…唔係咁…」卻被我看穿了。926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEkhxIZR4mV
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUTiAJERKQr
「定係我咁講正合你意，咁樣你內心會舒服Ｄ，因為自甘墜落既人唔止你一個？」926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtwXRTSPntD
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡktvTJj5F5u
「唔係咁，唔係咁唔係咁，呀遊，唔好咁講，求下你…」童桐哭著說。926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwsT7AMSymM
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa9qD2q1xeI
「…童桐，我地永遠都唔可能好似以前一樣。」926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgpAZ7KG6PT
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNA0zYVAE67
然後，我推開了她。926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcF4BK6uC2A
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4kKrqQTyX6
史無前例地，我推開了正準近我，打算向我撒嬌的童桐。926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡklfKwBSNwm
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiI9oota5lF
「……」她露出寂寞的眼神。926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtGPR068ie7
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5NdVwX0gUQ
「你講得岩，我都有另一面，我都有做過D唔想俾你知既事。」我低頭說，「但…我好亂，我唔知，我唔知點樣面對你，同你一樣。」926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡukPyPQb4z7
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbpW7w3tqLA
「邊個會無？我鐘意你，即使你有咩秘密都好我都一定會…」童桐說。926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxbvyy9SKgH
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAhszMlRFFv
「我係你就唔會咁講。」我苦笑。926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡehm3Tf8mi5
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt3CDn4SUwL
「係…？」926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDGmLFtbYLd
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4esa8olLca
「我個時都咁講過，我話無論你做過咩，有咩秘密我都會接受到…然後我個心就碎左。」我輕撫自己的胸口。926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4TKVVqv7Ve
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEIeDsyfqJD
愈是鐘愛於幻象，現實就更加殘酷。926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHnLyxmpLfQ
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxxvwEKYar5
夢中愈是甘甜，現實便愈見苦澀。926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiCUFYWxCBz
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwMvqnrjfZ8
「我唔信，呀遊你唔同我，你係個好人…」926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrBnQHiLWKe
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGLGcgpMpur
「我先唔係。」926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZyMK6NKQJE
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEJcaPX7ZKP
我早就不是甚麼好人。926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjbwVCg7Gwb
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2iRuNILQ0z
從明明連人家名字還沒記住便去追求人家，胡亂表白開始，到之後的事。926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJxMY4SKLix
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuMMVZg7jad
我才不是「除了射箭甚麼也不會」的人。926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡodAIhTppVB
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO0G4HNXruj
「咁你講出黎。」她說，「我寧願你親口講，都唔想某日自己發現。」926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUqHTgvcvGS
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsdlOoJYFvV
「……」926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFC78hFRc8t
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7mGTA0G7LM
是我害得植嵐晨自殺。926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0LIWo7ivl6
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIA5tYu8U18
那天我差點按下了清理瀏覽記錄而間接害死他。926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvfvMm61Ry7
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP1D045OpAS
為了勝利我打算吃禁藥。926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUIcudhaX3y
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKAECJeXdkw
我和妍妍有了肉體關係，但沒打算負責任。926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAub1lapKE1
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI2KSBQBZqp
當天第一次妍妍出現在水上樂園是，其實是PTGF。926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrACJlMWXGP
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyVjAaASxw4
中學時那連串的表白行為，其中一些我可是明知有男朋友也照去馬。926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh8bFnXWMBE
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLhyZ0Ddah5
……那年我打算過自殺，甚至已經完成了氦氣袋的試作型。926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQO2a6Zbstj
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4xLXl7TJ2L
「呀遊，我地大家今晚都互相坦白喇…然後睇下點樣互相接受到對方，好唔好？我唔想無左你呢個青梅竹馬，無論做唔做到情侶都好。」童桐說。926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb54qIpmunq
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY0MilHTNKm
「我諗…今晚我地都攰。」我說，「我求其煮個公仔麵就返過去。」926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3tOUuYYH6W
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJG735HZWPy
「呀遊…」926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNLELQmKgca
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO6QAkTSGtZ
「我會講。」我說，「只係…唔係今晚，我要，童桐，對唔住，我…做唔到…我好攰，我好撚亂呀，你明唔明呀。」926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡStm4M5BuXA
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo4jTwOwgne
我試圖以過去的眼光看待她。926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJmLJWecyvi
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeglKckyEWr
做不到。926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡerP2KRIZUb
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpZdS9bJORv
我試圖向她坦白自己做過的一切。926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc3C4ZsDIsj
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡajiL8x7rsT
做不到。926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKvsnMnzu1A
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLGOhQePwl9
既然我知道了她的真面目後這樣激動，這樣看待她，反過來…其實也一樣吧。926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXUfXRjpsuf
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzPeK0TiWHw
只是現在是我在暗，她在明，她才這樣向我告解一樣。926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNzve84Hggc
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvWIA0D0aQW
下午離開Beta那兒之前，他幫我設定了一個倒數計時，現在距離核彈爆炸只剩下１６７小時。926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL9nsApLe4u
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfThpyz2ymL
我沒有高童桐一等，更別說是道德高地。926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡENQoj6qGur
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡelq4N4N8d2
所以我也沒法狠狠罵她一頓，然後說要帶她回正途，連這樣子我也做不到，這才是現在一切膠著，一切如陷五里霧中的原因。926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvGTn2CcWWm
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrMPMXAsrKz
既，沒法坦白。926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsoHHnjpedb
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoaL3kB9Avb
又，沒法斥責。926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5CP8jup8ds
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLqeeEJUjPj
既，沒法接受。926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwjKhokSBqg
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSISg0GIFnW
也，沒法忘記。926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIoba66w31G
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTEq1xLFX78
而且…也沒法理解。926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfiwyd2E8x2
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOTQvAGmWES
明明妍妍叫我不用在意她，去處理和童桐之間的事，結果卻變成了這樣子。926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvp13QdzV7p
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlWiv5bv5Ag
反倒有點對不起她了呢，我這爛人。926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡut9yZmWZp4
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwaWPRAXPfC
我轉身胡亂地擦去眼淚，以免自己在童桐面前出醜。但這時背上傳來陣陣的溫暖，陣陣的柔軟，童桐從後抱住我，把頭靠到我背脊上，用耳朵貼住我的肌肉聆聽著我的心跳。926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpqtRo09JPN
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpp3vZm1Cw9
「只要你係我身邊，你要嬲我幾耐都無所謂。」926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE51XtPynQM
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6K8LT51mnN
「……」926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSJOcazxjCu
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx2ydOjxrPH
「因為我地都應承過大家，嬲幾耐都好，最後都會搵返對方，唔準絕交，唔準永遠唔彩對方落去架嘛。」926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ77rbykHTuq
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdDHQ2CVMqf
她能聽到我的脈動，反之亦然。926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyVOtR8atwj
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnzegULYcHv
我雖然沒法直接聽到，但我感受著童桐的每一下呼吸，每一下心跳，胸膛的每一起伏。926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDNg0gWoj0x
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuE7VPBbAJN
「只要你無事就好，我個晚真係好驚。」童桐說。926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYnbSjjzp7X
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm56Y6GrwIG
「嗯，我都睇到係你救左我。」926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhxOXqLZRzj
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJTo8qHZE0B
「但即係係咁…即使你會討厭我，即使你個下已經知道左我係Dora,我唔知點面對你…我都唔想你有事。」926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEpr5rXghbT
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtesVY03qgQ
曾經她只求唯有我別討厭她。926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ1ARnXhiKO
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpwrLngG24V
曾經她即使全世界討厭她也不怕，因為有我在她身邊。926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxGnWX9xlme
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3y791JX2Ao
…現在即使連我也討厭她，她也只想我安全健康。926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjjsdScaWwB
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdH8IMOE1FN
你叫我怎樣對你生氣，童桐。926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKApaeSqx9w
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCGbUOfu6bm
「我…好多謝你，童桐。」我說，的確是她救了我。926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0LtyR4lQHV
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnDVCtQseZn
「…到你覺得可以講既時候，就同我講。」童桐說，「我地只要互相坦白，然後互相再接受，互相理解對方，一定可以捱過呢一關。」926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCpCLliJT29
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7l2uYG0Gbk
咦？926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFiBIDNBNmZ
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMDEq9YjR74
腦中如一道清泉流過…我覺得這就是我和童桐最大的差異之處。926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN1aekobfBb
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgRrrqeZ9If
「接受與否」，是我的想法。926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Yu0MT6nEO
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiZqwZpOnnw
「如何接受」，是童桐的想法。926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ90lbAagreL
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGK1aEzGMIV
那天晚上我和童桐沒有得出任何答案，甚至說沒有任何進展。926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0ZZMZw2tkO
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpMpNfcQW1d
她甚至沒有提出我希望中的苦衷，使我可以諒解的苦衷，只能得出「性格使然」的絕望答案。926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnbDwiaIwtu
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡICGADond4T
老實說，場面比我想像中平靜，至少我們沒有向對方咆哮或痛哭。926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCKtFtbu02j
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe3zf0RTKSc
但是…無力感漸漸佔據了空氣，佔據了心底，連情緒該發洩向何處也沒有著力點。926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQB3dWFHf3M
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbqXvKIuBy7
我寧願和她痛痛快快吵一架，也不想這樣子…926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnMkx7uGXgV
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGv3jGUHFq3
…我真的不想。926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkTVS1znW6K
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9avgnfUkon
至於和她坦白的話，我覺得不是時候，所以也沒有說出口。我需要時間去沉澱，去思考，去好好盤算接下來的做法。926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkv3v4xhOOA
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKX0SdKVQCL
活了在幻象中廿多年的我，被狠狠地摔到現實中。926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEkHevbeokE
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS5MnuVI3hC
現在我要學習在現實中活下去。926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ61CkBAQPV4
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyN9OVsrARC
第二天早上，距離核彈發射還有１５３小時。926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4jVmQysSrA
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5FwctBPctI
童桐的窗簾現在到了早上醒來…也再沒有打開了。926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw3QlbNj0fH
926Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXz4EQxfbYR
那兒，只有一片茫然和我心中懷念。
Penana
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