我站在門前許久，才忐忑不安的按下電鈴。359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGHYmQimSK5
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu39YKqQCKM
出來應門的是個有些年紀的婦人。359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBdmVUvIAVB
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnLkB9JYZg4
「請問，這是英傑的家嗎？」359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM1zGSvsvlb
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDznQdlTS3g
婦人露出狐疑的眼神。359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDmaM3VOFXI
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtyIruQBH64
「妳是…？」359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDAafHzd8lQ
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡezMYnMX9FB
「我是英傑的朋友，因為我一直聯絡不到他，所以…」359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH6JBbW8GkL
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMstTZISWoo
「妳找錯間了，這裡沒這個人！」她揮揮手，避開我的眼神。359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJKywwkI6la
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ09pVHbM34c
「我知道他被通緝！」在她準備關上裡面的木門前，我急著大喊。359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZfZtiypOCO
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpUFporL17M
婦人停下動作，又把木門拉開了些。359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡESoDraxtif
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqpjDT0l8wz
「他被通緝的時候我們還見過面，可是之後就斷了聯絡。」我解釋。359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXjQzfJBF90
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDtdjP7OVkA
「妳是他女朋友？」359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzcVS8X97so
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ2VyhnZhsf
「不是，我不是，我是…他朋友。」我沒敢說出自己的身份。359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbqJcQV5jKt
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkdkXL50xzW
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZDljmoqVxc
「他沒和我們聯絡也很久了。」359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHE36kdy3S9
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1PGwRR96Ij
「還有人跟我說他死在外面了。」婦人用著台語說著，語氣平淡得不可思議。359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr7bCrFuxer
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpdenWS7HSz
我一時語塞，沒能回話。359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWQ3ay0w447
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfJAIIoLMSK
「讓妳跑一趟，歹勢，英傑不在這裡，我也不知道他在哪裡。」359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgo9bqU4TjQ
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRBOdXKqqzp
「那個…那，我可以留下我的手機，如果他有跟你們聯絡，請他跟我聯絡好嗎？」359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0qAQvNz02h
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOaT5VilCJu
婦人一臉不耐煩，我很尷尬，但還是厚臉皮的寫下自己的號碼塞過鐵門，交到婦人手裡。359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe1NxlOk8aK
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBp4hnEXhxH
「小姐貴姓？」359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK1sgL28H5m
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOCQn3jhK7Q
「我姓豺。」我回得迅速。359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXvof3mJeKj
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Pj4fUtBhH
「………」婦人突然噤了聲，透過鐵門盯著我。359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMCf6l2FlYU
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5zvYpcfCek
「糟。」我心想。359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡATjgLGca5W
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvcM2kPv98F
她隨即關上木門。359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCQuAnuoXAs
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBgfgmFo5MH
「她知道我是誰了。」359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzGtVQBPOU9
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAcfvm5vKuF
我當下便明白，不管英傑有沒有回到這裡，我都無法得知了。359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDQqpnLdhtc
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNe5df3tNBI
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡve0d0RT4uy
唯一的線索就這麼斷了。359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Ai935Ijd4
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGD9CwCGpId
我不敢換手機號碼，睡覺時也不關機，就怕漏接了英傑打來的電話。359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdID5U2Uzuq
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡprlEglT4Ms
就這樣升上了高中二年級，359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxo1WbS5v8C
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ359x7OGkmi
迎來了人生的轉折。359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFOgE7ETY0s
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1hF4FL5UV3
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0ezqBQjVae
父母親早在我國小時就已離異，但他們為了不讓我和弟弟分開，便還是住在一起。我在一個富裕的家庭長大，幾乎是要什麼有什麼，生性霸道且極端任性，父親一生風流，基於愧疚或父愛，總寵著我，比起成天碎碎念的母親，我覺得自己比較愛爸爸。359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8TkLXxUYxe
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyRRH1mDwKw
在高二那一年，父親生意失利，經營的公司惡性倒閉，再加上「賭」及「面子」，父親找上了地下錢莊。359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQHy5XKb9oa
「家道中落」似乎是一瞬間的事。359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgpROGR1EeT
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVX4fWjc58A
當我放學回家，看見債主找人在家門用噴漆寫上的字眼，我還沒能反應過來。359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW8KDA5ZVIO
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXPzjKjG6WV
「都已經離婚了，為什麼還這樣拖累我！」
母親氣得哭了。359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgi7WopH0ML
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUIA0i9YAkq
某天晚上，母親進來房間，告訴我，房子要賣掉了。359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg3qSySLlsh
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN1Vg1Ht3EW
他們離婚後，所買的房子仍是共有財產，父親要把房子賣掉，才能償還債務。359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbBxGJjefII
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs1Of24OJ40
我還沒能了解事態的嚴重，跑到客廳跟低著頭的父親大吼「這是我長大的家，就因為你，所以我的家就要這樣沒了！」359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmtHlZJQtgE
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGWJ8gBpUM6
「那妳要我死是不是！」爸爸第一次吼我。359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡawAHW7RrzO
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE8W3ffphOl
「我沒錢，地下錢莊說要砍我手腳，我讓他砍是不是！」359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmEA7U8bYl1
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMPz2WSLJaQ
我嚇到了，沒能反駁。359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtDSpZ0WbSI
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXttY6aQjdP
「房子要賣給媽媽的朋友，那個朋友說可以再租給媽媽。因為是妳爸爸要賣的，所以他要搬出去，妳就跟媽媽和弟弟繼續住在這裡，不用搬家。」
母親在旁緩頰。359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTXAt4erTy3
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGnewvMj2ra
我沒說話，看了看坐在沙發上的父親與一旁滿臉擔憂的母親，便逕自走回房間。359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8i0F5z3b5A
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSSos7uErYJ
回到房間，想起國小五年級那天，母親到安親班接我和弟弟，把我拉到一旁說的話。
「媽媽今天和爸爸去辦離婚了，妳爸爸堅持要其中一個小孩的監護權，弟弟又還小…所以妳的監護權是爸爸。媽媽不是不要妳，妳不要擔心。我們也說好不會讓妳跟弟弟分開，所以我們大家還是會住在一起喔！」359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8NdLKAz7LR
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFY4EyLPyhE
我突然明白自己不能接受房子賣掉的原因是什麼。359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6JGdn5hovo
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYQsgk8pqRr
我不能接受的，其實是家的破碎。359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwlWfnPbt38
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTX4QyYQDSF
因為一直都住在一起，所以沒有分離的感覺。359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0pafQ4uc3B
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmkSIammbdp
「妳爸爸是一個無情的人。」
「因為小時候是養子，他弟弟出生後，就被虐待又被冷落，所以就連阿公過世也沒回去奔喪。」
「他和前一個老婆離婚之後，完全沒有再過問他們的生活，也從來沒去看過他以前的小孩。」
母親曾這麼說過。359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQJBo7v6MQj
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxJhhlKKDsp
「妳不要管我，反正我的監護權又不是妳！」
「是妳自己不要我的！」
某次和母親吵架，我說了這樣的話，害母親哭了整晚。359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡem3hrlAWVJ
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiIlS15gFCo
「去和妳媽媽道歉。」
「她沒有不要妳。」
那天晚上父親走到房間嚴厲地說。
而他根本很少命令我做什麼。359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRP3FSQbeFT
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6nvMeiA0ze
「小姐貴姓？」
「我姓豺。」
關上門前那婦人的眼神，帶了驚訝及恨意。359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj2k6478RlY
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWXZiyFLTP5
「以前我會怪別人、怪命運，其實我不能怪誰。」
「曾有一段時間我忌妒妳，妳擁有我未曾擁有的一切。」
「現在我誰也不怪了。」
紙上那美麗的字，看起來多麼傷心。359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwqBQHG8wku
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaCZ2dsnBp8
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjPEEl4M18o
我的腦中閃現了許許多多回憶。359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbHLVSJE1a8
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQilBRoxrGW
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRRsNcevtmE
媽媽睡了之後，我走到客廳，父親盯著電視，卻兩眼無神。359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnX4MyF0sDl
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ6GlpTX34t
「爸爸。」我喊他。359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4ff8zgeVlO
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqnJeQys3VQ
父親抬頭看我。359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGyRy1WLzfy
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ryxE6xvNj
「你搬出去之後要去哪裡？」359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV18RLaMRDB
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡceaZ2M0h9P
「我不知道。」359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZtlgDzWYMn
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy9hPcyO1Rk
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPoLjrf98Uw
「我和你一起搬走。」359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBnLDkDZPrI
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn09W7DKmiY
我說出這句話的時候，爸爸一臉驚訝。359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI2lHwZf1jj
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1opOBcnyHQ
「真的嗎？」359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT5ckEd6uhf
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRfHbn3qZ9d
「嗯。」359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpyFpXfTCaF
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcTgQpy4ed2
「…好啊。」359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzSL3N2I29i
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAhl9dcjdFf
「那我去睡了，爸爸晚安。」359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaRz8tWVHuF
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgjVGS2b2J5
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGZo2qByWJZ
那時，我只想著，父親一旦離開了，我可能再也見不到他。359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡonoIhSYvqI
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMdcBb0P1NS
即使他不是個好兒子、好丈夫或稱職的父親，他仍是我的父親，從來都捨不得打我罵我的父親。359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW1ghGjUQT5
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlNyKtfiRRQ
隔天，我便自己出門找房子。359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGNU1FRKQaP
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQDuzo9ROJF
母親雖然擔心又不捨，但沒能阻止我的任性與固執，就還是陪著我找房子。359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIrdvgIC2HM
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ69GfFkrT9s
我們在離家不遠的地方找到新住處，因為我當時尚未成年，還是請父親來和房東簽合約，之後，我自己忙搬家，請了開貨車的親戚與國中同學幫忙，把所有的家具都搬到新住處。359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ50hJ0AOQpy
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrrQ20H23jX
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdsxW8Bnl64
然而父親沒有因此痛改前非，我們搬家後沒多久，又有新的債主找上門。359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlKkrFx2eGa
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjLw1dcJNvR
那天，黑兔子（忘記她的人請往前看系列文）趁著假日到家裡玩，我們在房間聊天，父親在客廳看電視。359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfSSRF3BXto
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMGbSCE8iMW
正嘻嘻哈哈的時候，有人按電鈴。359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy7WFydlIQA
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHjYqg1jq2q
按了好幾聲，父親卻不去應門。359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2fAUkvPhSi
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuLUbSCaLM1
我走到客廳，看見父親把手指舉在嘴巴前面，示意我不要出聲。359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzrrA7btNQT
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡniV205DovM
對方按了幾下電鈴，便開始撞門，接著大聲咆哮、怒罵三字經。359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKYEPD3u8oD
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlx6PjLaAxN
房間裡的黑兔子嚇到，悄聲問我怎麼回事，我覺得很丟臉，但還是告訴她，門外的是父親的債主，我們得裝做不在家…但是債主大概早就猜到我們假裝不在家吧，才會待在門外不走。359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPk5NAH90HH
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡekmuBhBlfi
直到傍晚，我才戰戰兢兢的開門，送黑兔子到公車站搭車。359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlVLurh9LEy
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcraSB4LCUJ
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsTosi0cfxV
那年發生的事情非常地多，我喜歡上了一個學長，但他卻用各種不同的方式，在我的身上、心上都留下殘酷的疤痕。359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡktaWzQWQ9C
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGGJFMxwA5M
但那是另一個故事了。359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkWNU12oHAa
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIQ4DWYQBhg
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7C3aWm9CHu
我和父親常常為了錢的事情吵架。359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzL81w5wL6U
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmVkqFJCYpG
我就讀的學校是私立職校，學費非常地貴。而我放學後在賣場打工所賺的錢，付了生活所需的開銷以後幾乎所剩無幾。359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBJoZt8Se2l
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2GFkKxA0a7
那些茶來伸手、飯來張口，像個公主的日子彷彿離自己已經非常遙遠。359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPycP0nhPme
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwBLwYG6Tes
我偶爾會回去媽媽家吃飯，但絕口不提自己為錢煩惱的事。也許是怕母親擔心，又也許是怕母親責怪父親吧。359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1T22VX5ngu
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiz37xjIXl3
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡovuRHmke6T
在那些身心俱疲的日子裡，我很常想起英傑。359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYa1maIuKRJ
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXIdLd1cajk
為什麼一直都沒有和我聯絡呢？359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdhaQMVsMZo
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡucDO6Z0O3G
難道逃出台灣了嗎？359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmwIGbYfHYl
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVuqrARtkBx
難道…真的死了嗎？359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp9ACgK0aWN
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIzjpqnUTHM
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTeBYbDLSRd
一天晚上，我帶著傷痕回家，在家門前，我把運動外套拉起，確定不會被看見痕跡之後進門，想著自己為什麼這樣找罪受。359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqDohtSb194
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmTgpwbLqlX
但父親不在家。359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxPBEQW8H03
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXSl30xCA6t
撥了父親的電話，聽見那邊的麻將聲。359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpNgtNKLv84
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnvMj8Dw6Z2
我對父親大吼，卻被掛電話。359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEEdTXNJYWd
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAsQB3SEtRG
那一刻，我想著自己所做的一切。359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJgHOBE3hsT
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoaQq22WVw4
「都是自己選的。」359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1aez1GCR1t
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIkMQtA9Huv
「沒人逼妳，都是妳自己選的。」359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOhF3CV8Ons
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQOR3EWzjVq
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ60Xj8iVJLV
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeUPpdesLZI
「乾脆，去死好了。」359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCvKXfYI10W
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHUIjE02LPd
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbbNae0JtNo
359Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0lQEoKi65b
待續。
ns 15.158.61.47da2
