又是一陣沉默，然後妍妍轉頭看著我問道：「呀遊。」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡopYEfKaPSB
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbz4UiQh7LS
「…係？」我回答。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEDpi765Wys
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUqfbor7Vgk
「你覺得PTGF係做Ｄ咩？」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkyJV996wcy
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuYjOQ2dAhE
PDGF，是Part Time Girl Friend簡寫，老實說不是甚麼新興東西，以往的名字有很多，援交，出租女友，兼職女友，爸爸活，Sugar Daddy之類…當然，仔細劃分用字定義還是能分出差異的，但…922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0kW93ssLU2
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnl6MsWCDM3
「因金錢利益與男性發生關係」，這點應該不會錯。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTrsvWQUgyH
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDADv8X1R0s
妍妍看著海說：「嗯，可以咁講…雖然有Ｄ女仔堅持唔上床，只係行街睇戲食飯拖手之類，但係…」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbrUCIVts2M
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9K8HT95MWx
我等著她最後那句。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWU25yW0cCO
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKWwaOF3x05
「…我唔係個種。」妍妍說。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsN1Sz5YidA
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡic8N9x8shZ
「嗯，我聽緊。」我說。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvZBUpwM1sc
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdb2rwVj6rg
她看看我，似乎發現我表情眼神沒甚麼變化後似乎放鬆了一點：「我仲以為你會介意添。」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW1fskUY7NR
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXluBVfOHHK
我失笑：「我又唔係你邊個，有咩好介意？」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUUUkVywbsG
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVsLfBEpcP4
「即係如果我同你親密Ｄ既你就會介意？」她反問。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhAnjqQdmMc
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWVRQnD16n4
「我唔回答假設性問題。」我擺出官腔，因為我真的不知道。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn4HsIKddv8
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡASFeT1Vj08
妍妍喝一口啤酒：「不過都唔係每個男仔我都會同佢做…普通都係遊下車河，去船P，食飯個Ｄ，如果真係岩Feel同信得過既先會做。」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrSNUYiENDY
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDQjSj5q1Da
「咁…」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF2bLpuzZG1
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDdhW5qPlZd
感覺我說甚麼也會錯。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgd2Omf83Ey
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWNU4JTAGKi
「之前我咪問你關於Deep-World，黑PR既事…我都係係客身上聽返黎，有錢人就有呢Ｄ門路，總之，我係想搵黑PR黎對付我唯一既個個EX 。」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDcpNgoJ7V6
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAsPzR7E3TH
妍妍說過她是A1，即是現在單身，但曾拍過一次拖。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8CLGbW6pQ7
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEf4P5meiTq
「嗯，你講過。」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmcgcOgl6Ro
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ87ZSCLDVtZ
「但我估唔到你會記住。」她說，「估唔到你會記到童桐以外既事啊？」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Y3PkxqOvB
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa79H6cXmbE
「咪笑我啦。」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjexgU7bdwn
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIIAHW4WN91
她笑了。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGc9lGlbFFk
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrq6e0a5Hnj
「尋日係好日，佢就係尋日結婚…」妍妍看著漆黑的海說，「終於都完，感覺就好似發左場夢咁。」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6eiy0gYMM3
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkniJKp80Ft
「係好夢定惡夢？」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnACvFgwfWO
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuofu7osFgw
「…同現實比，係好夢。」她說，「同個時我地打算過既將來比，係惡夢。」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUo20nKgYhO
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG4IkxwFoYI
我仔細咀嚼這一句當中的含意。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnr1oOJtdCE
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs2DX1u6mYR
「曾經我同你一樣啊，呀遊。」她說，「曾經我都將一個人視為全宇宙，視為我既一切，我既世界就係圍住佢轉。過去，現在，未來，都因佢而起，因佢而存在，亦因佢而有寄望。」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY35T4z0SgM
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJBKxWQr1OG
雖然我猜到了個大概，但我決定沉默。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSae50YoEeI
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkNDl8WpNqa
有時候甚麼也不回應，只是陪伴，就是最好的回應。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6dO1nbppnq
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ2OpeiKYBs
「我係你身上，就好似睇到曾經既自己咁。」妍妍說。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3xoMSvZnpZ
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2NwVbaGN6u
然後，她把頭靠到我的肩膊上。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV1tr9QbbQH
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiNkIXBS37F
「仲相信愛情，只為左一個人而活，全心，全靈，為左自己鐘意既人博盡全力去爭取，連對手係植嵐晨咁既級數既人都繼續前進。」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwlOHofI5j8
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRWUp1fZg99
她一頭棕髮沿我胸膛傾瀉而下，撲鼻而來的是她頭髮的香氣夾雜海水咸味。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg3hSY0yCoX
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxIBTtmkK6Z
妍妍深呼吸，然後嘆了一口氣：「唉，但…依加已經完晒，其實早就應該完，當年就應該完，係我一直放佢唔低，直到佢尋日婚都結埋…我先知道一直走唔出去既人係我，亦…只有我一個。」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmimqLK9Ynb
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOeYtZyGmnK
在之前我也想像過童桐結婚而新郎不是我的畫面。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPLeI7rApbF
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKiObcB0KXC
在之後，我連想像的勇氣也沒有。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy1VAvdxLHV
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKkg06aetTA
那是信仰的崩潰，世界的崩潰。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeqP7JtfLei
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSbZmYed8Ca
萬物的崩潰。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVmbaNhIOaR
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkWV3XKVgyl
「所以你分手之後做PTGF…係因為…」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqsveiEec9Y
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoepn4gaoIw
「我以為佢會在意。」妍妍自嘲地冷笑，「至少以為佢會嬲，佢會話我污糟之類，但係…佢根本完全唔在意，我試過自己上網唱佢，佢都係理都唔理，本身至少想佢憎我，如果可以，我想佢至少憎我一世。」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZB6HRhAeUs
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaK1Pnm981W
妍妍說著說著，眼淚便靜靜的淌下。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDNmeb4zQAE
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz6hZEAwq7f
「點解…點解連憎我一世都唔可以？」妍妍哽咽地說，哭著的她全身在發抖。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMxk03IG0Zf
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXdJm5MbCwd
愛的反面不是憎恨。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQpuAUCoWbS
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzcwGBfb3V6
愛的反面是徹底的無視和冷漠。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtLbkUC1UGh
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡryZBsADkOc
不知道是不是她已經習慣了這表情，竟然連抹也不打算抹，恍如連自己也要放棄自己一樣。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5eQP8gPLzw
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqgMDSpJJDQ
這光景，我看過。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3ZdYOuQkPm
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXV707gZzpV
我在曾經的自己身上看過。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5nsF7LVXQr
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGMCpuuBfhu
「你唔應該咁對自己。」我掏出紙巾輕印她的眼淚，「始終要放下。」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBNS8bLFkNb
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeMOGHr5V4S
「我知，但我做唔到。」把頭枕在我肩上的妍妍說，「等於我叫你放下童桐一樣。」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpCajh0r8pj
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfALKOmC1ms
「無可能。」我搖頭。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI4iwCml2Pd
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6pNmVSlqVj
「嗯，無可能。」她點頭。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDfeCJF6o55
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwoHc3eLD1n
她繼續說：「一開始我只係咁自暴自棄，後來…我就覺得無所謂，點都無所謂，同唔同既男仔去玩，去蒲，做咩都好…我已經無所謂，過得一日就一日，反正又有錢收。」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡteQk6idESo
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡol1EEKR7Oi
她打了個哆嗦，然後說：「既然唔知做咩好，咁樣就做咩都得。」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhljUYQGUhc
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7cDphznFab
失去人生目標的滋味，我倒還記憶猶新，大約幾小時前吧。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJwPWvsqStt
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSRPFtyg7xF
而且再往前回溯，在中學畢業後的暑假我也是這樣，唯一等待的就是自己慢慢在角落腐爛，做任何事也只是因本能而行動，也不記得今天是星期幾，幾月幾日，因為沒有需要。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuFWFEptCBb
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPdWlAd2fJc
甚麼也再沒需要了。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZSIkcsZZzU
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI1DwM68uFP
妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6XOBq2Qt49
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQTctNaRI9G
我也在妍妍身上看到曾經的自己。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBp5s1GGxPT
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfob7wtjEFq
我把自己那時的頹然喪志和妍妍說了個大概，她同樣地靜靜的聽著，而且聽著聽著她把自己雙腳抱住，似乎好像聽到甚麼不願意回想起的事一樣。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ37v5IX1vhy
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMXXGHcWeYp
話畢。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsczkcX4TiB
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOvLFecR8qY
妍妍閉上眼思考了一會兒，然後開口說：「睇黎我黎搵你呻係正確既選擇。」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrqoVnKIKBA
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC3lpXK4pfz
「你想既，幾時都可以。」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPGx5mlSSU7
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuuj0Ck4dvf
她沉默了片刻。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWmb4JfrFo3
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9oOCYrnQ4N
「咁你個時點走出去？」她問我。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhkImNKrR8H
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRXZHmEzQf6
「一黎童桐唔俾我繼續摺落去喇。」我說，「二黎就係射返箭，射箭個時個人會好專心，射中靶會好有成功感，漸漸就走左出黎。」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXDeuTmKkBL
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdL9BVhnrUC
「無興趣。」她微笑說。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPeO2ETB5qQ
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYOlWYeiyaf
「…咁點解個時你唔搵我？至少我可以好似童桐拖我出房咁樣幫你，我地細個都一齊玩過，我唔會唔理你。」我說。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvcahxs69yG
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMQsiMn2IEj
「個時我都未搵返你。我地細個個時又無Facebook IG呢Ｄ。」妍妍說，「係去到情聖係TG Group臨時要女仔同你去街，我先知個個係你。」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIDBBQi79sz
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgjHwTkNI9U
「係咪…好失望？」我苦笑，「搞到要搵PTGF………雖，雖然係用黎激童桐啦，我本身都無諗住要搵PTGF，一日都係情聖自把自為，未未未未等到30歲轉生做魔法師囉…」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTZShDAL2cM
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwyVsukibwj
我說到了後半句才發現自己的發言何等窩囊，馬上手忙腳亂地想修正，但是似乎愈描愈黑。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfdpI8J5D5b
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJFtonLY6b3
「好啦，唔使解釋。」妍妍被我的慌張樣子逗笑，「你真係除左射箭咩都唔識架喎。」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNLJsX1GyE5
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnF1PaWL46O
「連你都咁講，嗚…」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6jqdbnxrkE
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRsxYALkQ3P
「咁樣先係你既賣點。」妍妍輕撫我被海風吹亂的頭髮說。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3RGwc8ITTl
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnQU6riphaZ
同樣是看到我使出全力追求童桐，情聖在我身上看到自己沒有之物並覺得耀眼，而妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己並覺得懷念。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4pHYudUDwW
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEr9EWiWnds
我完全不覺我自己會為任何人帶來啟發，但似乎他們不這樣認為。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0riCu5d9xA
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj6Pi6SZPjp
「咁你以後有咩打算？既然個個人已經連婚都結埋。」我說。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcU4q8xaaEp
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnQa6p5f8LB
「……我唔知。」妍妍看著海的雙眼變得空洞，不過她還把頭靠在我肩上，我很有信心她沒有任何投海的念頭。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ72ENjxewj
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXapkapzvKj
然後她開口問：「你呢，如果最後童桐都係唔同你一齊，你又有咩打算？」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZs3Soj9ixI
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMzySg1a4jo
「……我唔知。」我給出和妍妍一模一樣的答案。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK5RsTd00KG
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3ai3Ow1izy
看來我真的沒有鼓勵人的天分，但畢竟我也自身難保嘛。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ5AXy36ikd
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡet3YkQFd5b
「……」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFfBnkcQWpt
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqz6cfSYlFy
兩個不知還可以怎樣辦的人，就這樣互相倚靠在一起，坐在海邊喝著廉價的啤酒，吹著因暑氣而帶點異味的海風。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrJ7s8wY1yO
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMbz3aYRK7Z
不是甚麼事也能憑決心，憑努力去改寫的。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIuWU7QFeho
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn4hG8ThvFa
夏天，也到尾聲了。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdcipQGrjrg
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