又是一陣沉默，然後妍妍轉頭看著我問道：「呀遊。」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3htfFOehsk
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHUwWebutmF
「…係？」我回答。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXWSIqTfHwc
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD719fFZhnx
「你覺得PTGF係做Ｄ咩？」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4rrYkXcXBc
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3fOcfUNhzk
PDGF，是Part Time Girl Friend簡寫，老實說不是甚麼新興東西，以往的名字有很多，援交，出租女友，兼職女友，爸爸活，Sugar Daddy之類…當然，仔細劃分用字定義還是能分出差異的，但…922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlGFcJz8f5g
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzvUGSQVCMC
「因金錢利益與男性發生關係」，這點應該不會錯。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2c92EFHR3O
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm0L2AmO8Kx
妍妍看著海說：「嗯，可以咁講…雖然有Ｄ女仔堅持唔上床，只係行街睇戲食飯拖手之類，但係…」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFuKLeUp3IR
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzwBJQZ8dOK
我等著她最後那句。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0M61Dfy9LJ
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGtm6kak4LV
「…我唔係個種。」妍妍說。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJygPDtjlnZ
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdBoftnSjvZ
「嗯，我聽緊。」我說。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHPhX23naUe
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFgHGs1aPqW
她看看我，似乎發現我表情眼神沒甚麼變化後似乎放鬆了一點：「我仲以為你會介意添。」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg7yXfjsnDN
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE7QB0dvADe
我失笑：「我又唔係你邊個，有咩好介意？」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVdMmnW7xuJ
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbYnpTZcM3c
「即係如果我同你親密Ｄ既你就會介意？」她反問。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTrewJuY4xz
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnFTpP496Lu
「我唔回答假設性問題。」我擺出官腔，因為我真的不知道。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfCh6u3y920
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkKKpucqxfb
妍妍喝一口啤酒：「不過都唔係每個男仔我都會同佢做…普通都係遊下車河，去船P，食飯個Ｄ，如果真係岩Feel同信得過既先會做。」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5RAphrz58p
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW7225DboDs
「咁…」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡedhcWT0sFF
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjrGl1FGwWs
感覺我說甚麼也會錯。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp2IuKdXwHk
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQxdBoTElHr
「之前我咪問你關於Deep-World，黑PR既事…我都係係客身上聽返黎，有錢人就有呢Ｄ門路，總之，我係想搵黑PR黎對付我唯一既個個EX 。」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk2Rk7aYCtJ
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAYkk6khgiv
妍妍說過她是A1，即是現在單身，但曾拍過一次拖。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnt5AJuYnbD
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE5IcmNz7WO
「嗯，你講過。」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1xhU8Q82zI
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPpnIgSpvmV
「但我估唔到你會記住。」她說，「估唔到你會記到童桐以外既事啊？」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJDWKsFld4a
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlRshgDoVpK
「咪笑我啦。」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2WlAelChXZ
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlomu5uDhj0
她笑了。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7LunXAgQUM
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡltcu17iN2M
「尋日係好日，佢就係尋日結婚…」妍妍看著漆黑的海說，「終於都完，感覺就好似發左場夢咁。」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmUJ1YDCTSz
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9XU1vxiW08
「係好夢定惡夢？」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoALNbjWynd
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkdcOCQj2pA
「…同現實比，係好夢。」她說，「同個時我地打算過既將來比，係惡夢。」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCgibPoJjBO
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9RRT5sKFhC
我仔細咀嚼這一句當中的含意。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4UfSe7hIA7
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzf4KKxrth1
「曾經我同你一樣啊，呀遊。」她說，「曾經我都將一個人視為全宇宙，視為我既一切，我既世界就係圍住佢轉。過去，現在，未來，都因佢而起，因佢而存在，亦因佢而有寄望。」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8khede7JhT
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjhUHZfJgtg
雖然我猜到了個大概，但我決定沉默。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyonMNCsERS
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLg97FVWUmB
有時候甚麼也不回應，只是陪伴，就是最好的回應。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ5oiQQYTLD
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4EHBM0idBe
「我係你身上，就好似睇到曾經既自己咁。」妍妍說。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhxR1M5bowg
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5XlKC2iXTh
然後，她把頭靠到我的肩膊上。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtOYZ2PRZVo
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJzj9gliYuK
「仲相信愛情，只為左一個人而活，全心，全靈，為左自己鐘意既人博盡全力去爭取，連對手係植嵐晨咁既級數既人都繼續前進。」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbUIy3AcXbq
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsEKOSUVTJn
她一頭棕髮沿我胸膛傾瀉而下，撲鼻而來的是她頭髮的香氣夾雜海水咸味。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5eHzj5ZP7n
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEsotfG2Cz0
妍妍深呼吸，然後嘆了一口氣：「唉，但…依加已經完晒，其實早就應該完，當年就應該完，係我一直放佢唔低，直到佢尋日婚都結埋…我先知道一直走唔出去既人係我，亦…只有我一個。」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8CXTLnlptN
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh0AkHABFwt
在之前我也想像過童桐結婚而新郎不是我的畫面。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzBevcfNXxr
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrJKXDXwMxb
在之後，我連想像的勇氣也沒有。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwxd1qmJdhr
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGMjo2gZp4h
那是信仰的崩潰，世界的崩潰。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡddjJ9wU1B7
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc6dXIouKAZ
萬物的崩潰。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBnDiX2noXh
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhKUVbKcVQE
「所以你分手之後做PTGF…係因為…」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbY5CrBdw27
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHulEY2v2V2
「我以為佢會在意。」妍妍自嘲地冷笑，「至少以為佢會嬲，佢會話我污糟之類，但係…佢根本完全唔在意，我試過自己上網唱佢，佢都係理都唔理，本身至少想佢憎我，如果可以，我想佢至少憎我一世。」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUjUjHAUuga
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ2EWCPNOrP
妍妍說著說著，眼淚便靜靜的淌下。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmnPhXeJvKj
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS5JrTykAe9
「點解…點解連憎我一世都唔可以？」妍妍哽咽地說，哭著的她全身在發抖。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrVqMcqO9vr
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmW6YuxFic3
愛的反面不是憎恨。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡozsWIvv0xE
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtlQr5s0Zgi
愛的反面是徹底的無視和冷漠。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdWrJPRYLw3
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS1XGs1eAI7
不知道是不是她已經習慣了這表情，竟然連抹也不打算抹，恍如連自己也要放棄自己一樣。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRivA3pbxCv
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUPhLVhdkMi
這光景，我看過。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCnvoyzmC45
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2D20D1aK6F
我在曾經的自己身上看過。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPsYQ15ZpJc
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCleajCtvU1
「你唔應該咁對自己。」我掏出紙巾輕印她的眼淚，「始終要放下。」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiphArEFpEm
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfLhs3VBqd9
「我知，但我做唔到。」把頭枕在我肩上的妍妍說，「等於我叫你放下童桐一樣。」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtBBRa9J8pH
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡThYFyNOVja
「無可能。」我搖頭。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVdNn02XcKs
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXidKnoKNJU
「嗯，無可能。」她點頭。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaozWSGG2O3
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq3gpUGIUqD
她繼續說：「一開始我只係咁自暴自棄，後來…我就覺得無所謂，點都無所謂，同唔同既男仔去玩，去蒲，做咩都好…我已經無所謂，過得一日就一日，反正又有錢收。」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYaNFJw25DA
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPssUujDVfY
她打了個哆嗦，然後說：「既然唔知做咩好，咁樣就做咩都得。」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxYjtLJ4kM5
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyrtf37DLQo
失去人生目標的滋味，我倒還記憶猶新，大約幾小時前吧。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtaTFwFGkig
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcBynFELL2Q
而且再往前回溯，在中學畢業後的暑假我也是這樣，唯一等待的就是自己慢慢在角落腐爛，做任何事也只是因本能而行動，也不記得今天是星期幾，幾月幾日，因為沒有需要。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqYyk6KtZX8
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡos8eOuGtmx
甚麼也再沒需要了。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnCtN35TJoL
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZPOSLYzjIF
妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡscXLO1sjnX
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjBnMrEIp6b
我也在妍妍身上看到曾經的自己。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ27q1Fm9Ny1
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOeI6tJeEh1
我把自己那時的頹然喪志和妍妍說了個大概，她同樣地靜靜的聽著，而且聽著聽著她把自己雙腳抱住，似乎好像聽到甚麼不願意回想起的事一樣。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6tM2qdECQz
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaKvSeWWia5
話畢。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOWbURFkqw2
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrD5sFknIhu
妍妍閉上眼思考了一會兒，然後開口說：「睇黎我黎搵你呻係正確既選擇。」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeTcuFuet11
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBMZ3qdByVu
「你想既，幾時都可以。」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjlOh1yhEYD
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡahZN5O4O9T
她沉默了片刻。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm69NHiIBWb
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8wwFAighvH
「咁你個時點走出去？」她問我。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS8GlK2UL8f
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡim8SnvoyDb
「一黎童桐唔俾我繼續摺落去喇。」我說，「二黎就係射返箭，射箭個時個人會好專心，射中靶會好有成功感，漸漸就走左出黎。」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAQNiObZnZq
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXpoUi7nd6d
「無興趣。」她微笑說。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWhBScq5hw9
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVwEoalujOx
「…咁點解個時你唔搵我？至少我可以好似童桐拖我出房咁樣幫你，我地細個都一齊玩過，我唔會唔理你。」我說。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGgW6lrN46c
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡImeQcav810
「個時我都未搵返你。我地細個個時又無Facebook IG呢Ｄ。」妍妍說，「係去到情聖係TG Group臨時要女仔同你去街，我先知個個係你。」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEALKBlwAcE
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf61JA3Yrtl
「係咪…好失望？」我苦笑，「搞到要搵PTGF………雖，雖然係用黎激童桐啦，我本身都無諗住要搵PTGF，一日都係情聖自把自為，未未未未等到30歲轉生做魔法師囉…」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡinQq0wvmGs
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjGDBMXluCz
我說到了後半句才發現自己的發言何等窩囊，馬上手忙腳亂地想修正，但是似乎愈描愈黑。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1CuEZJfSIT
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR1clViBJSi
「好啦，唔使解釋。」妍妍被我的慌張樣子逗笑，「你真係除左射箭咩都唔識架喎。」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm5sZkowLXv
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYlzzgpjp5k
「連你都咁講，嗚…」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjGyinbVOR7
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡStUntUt5aT
「咁樣先係你既賣點。」妍妍輕撫我被海風吹亂的頭髮說。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzzQ0S5EYMl
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBVg4jhhIoe
同樣是看到我使出全力追求童桐，情聖在我身上看到自己沒有之物並覺得耀眼，而妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己並覺得懷念。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoNyKRNU9X0
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqOMc4tNeCS
我完全不覺我自己會為任何人帶來啟發，但似乎他們不這樣認為。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWePowWoUwb
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVVKn3qGfsz
「咁你以後有咩打算？既然個個人已經連婚都結埋。」我說。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡii7Oz7XjZO
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcCIXGqGeJB
「……我唔知。」妍妍看著海的雙眼變得空洞，不過她還把頭靠在我肩上，我很有信心她沒有任何投海的念頭。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfiOF1lhlZI
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGZSvZa5lex
然後她開口問：「你呢，如果最後童桐都係唔同你一齊，你又有咩打算？」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡko8zAIb17d
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSPHpCUH9Ey
「……我唔知。」我給出和妍妍一模一樣的答案。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuGdr1ClCgs
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcZDnUcuopz
看來我真的沒有鼓勵人的天分，但畢竟我也自身難保嘛。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw2SWV9p6w3
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBkUuhTTKDP
「……」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqyuT9vGvSb
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5ROY77BWcm
兩個不知還可以怎樣辦的人，就這樣互相倚靠在一起，坐在海邊喝著廉價的啤酒，吹著因暑氣而帶點異味的海風。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcCr3ODQNzn
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvVRdlEPDTo
不是甚麼事也能憑決心，憑努力去改寫的。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ihbkLW0By
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiAPliQQ5z2
夏天，也到尾聲了。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0XOzrBzrJs
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