又是一陣沉默,然後妍妍轉頭看著我問道:「呀遊。」922Please respect copyright.PENANAO4KaInn5JD
922Please respect copyright.PENANACJJwGyam0v
「…係?」我回答。922Please respect copyright.PENANA3tBWQM4qgS
922Please respect copyright.PENANAMOSqWJERos
「你覺得PTGF係做D咩?」922Please respect copyright.PENANAhFAkCc0lrE
922Please respect copyright.PENANAmsdiunrO0U
PDGF,是Part Time Girl Friend簡寫,老實說不是甚麼新興東西,以往的名字有很多,援交,出租女友,兼職女友,爸爸活,Sugar Daddy之類…當然,仔細劃分用字定義還是能分出差異的,但…922Please respect copyright.PENANAkQQVYRt1y2
922Please respect copyright.PENANAiTkdeGbSfT
「因金錢利益與男性發生關係」,這點應該不會錯。922Please respect copyright.PENANA3QTPhQYZZ9
922Please respect copyright.PENANAmPDWag7rup
妍妍看著海說:「嗯,可以咁講…雖然有D女仔堅持唔上床,只係行街睇戲食飯拖手之類,但係…」922Please respect copyright.PENANAQ0pP8VrZGU
922Please respect copyright.PENANAd4PnvGWfrF
我等著她最後那句。922Please respect copyright.PENANAQ6yQtJXRmK
922Please respect copyright.PENANAEtYPWeYvRj
「…我唔係個種。」妍妍說。922Please respect copyright.PENANA91guoORfbD
922Please respect copyright.PENANAHCw6ALZ65e
「嗯,我聽緊。」我說。922Please respect copyright.PENANAeQyPK5Nzdq
922Please respect copyright.PENANA2WKZR08Y1D
她看看我,似乎發現我表情眼神沒甚麼變化後似乎放鬆了一點:「我仲以為你會介意添。」922Please respect copyright.PENANAmKbTpFidPY
922Please respect copyright.PENANALXfaOlZee7
我失笑:「我又唔係你邊個,有咩好介意?」922Please respect copyright.PENANA8UQzEJh07E
922Please respect copyright.PENANAVn3ilMIwC9
「即係如果我同你親密D既你就會介意?」她反問。922Please respect copyright.PENANAjin1zPCTOX
922Please respect copyright.PENANAXuMwiCBb88
「我唔回答假設性問題。」我擺出官腔,因為我真的不知道。922Please respect copyright.PENANAaTvYxBz9SP
922Please respect copyright.PENANAmdEih3AzyB
妍妍喝一口啤酒:「不過都唔係每個男仔我都會同佢做…普通都係遊下車河,去船P,食飯個D,如果真係岩Feel同信得過既先會做。」922Please respect copyright.PENANAHFv61CKaHv
922Please respect copyright.PENANA7DCUcWvgFj
「咁…」922Please respect copyright.PENANAPJWvoWslUB
922Please respect copyright.PENANACdX4wL9lB0
感覺我說甚麼也會錯。922Please respect copyright.PENANAngWuo0SdAx
922Please respect copyright.PENANAD6W6eWWHSl
「之前我咪問你關於Deep-World,黑PR既事…我都係係客身上聽返黎,有錢人就有呢D門路,總之,我係想搵黑PR黎對付我唯一既個個EX 。」922Please respect copyright.PENANAir8LJr3Ez5
922Please respect copyright.PENANAwtYeOGp9yy
妍妍說過她是A1,即是現在單身,但曾拍過一次拖。922Please respect copyright.PENANACTPkR2UE2K
922Please respect copyright.PENANA1gNL48Jgf8
「嗯,你講過。」922Please respect copyright.PENANAAM7l4S6CyC
922Please respect copyright.PENANAgH1R1mm3fP
「但我估唔到你會記住。」她說,「估唔到你會記到童桐以外既事啊?」922Please respect copyright.PENANAGkorVq0L24
922Please respect copyright.PENANAZaa0W0SJZI
「咪笑我啦。」922Please respect copyright.PENANA6RtbQJ1kYj
922Please respect copyright.PENANAR5kYpgBEPt
她笑了。922Please respect copyright.PENANA2zEaTE5MQv
922Please respect copyright.PENANAmpBrVybVg3
「尋日係好日,佢就係尋日結婚…」妍妍看著漆黑的海說,「終於都完,感覺就好似發左場夢咁。」922Please respect copyright.PENANAZGJ7kgTghX
922Please respect copyright.PENANAIUazQwsEh9
「係好夢定惡夢?」922Please respect copyright.PENANAxudy2UqF7H
922Please respect copyright.PENANAUlcYkaqd3Q
「…同現實比,係好夢。」她說,「同個時我地打算過既將來比,係惡夢。」922Please respect copyright.PENANADlX1AKmvdX
922Please respect copyright.PENANAB3uWVzyrdv
我仔細咀嚼這一句當中的含意。922Please respect copyright.PENANAe10Q7IZWAy
922Please respect copyright.PENANATknaCLC493
「曾經我同你一樣啊,呀遊。」她說,「曾經我都將一個人視為全宇宙,視為我既一切,我既世界就係圍住佢轉。過去,現在,未來,都因佢而起,因佢而存在,亦因佢而有寄望。」922Please respect copyright.PENANAzorwkDOwph
922Please respect copyright.PENANADam258PgxS
雖然我猜到了個大概,但我決定沉默。922Please respect copyright.PENANAA6RB47jTJI
922Please respect copyright.PENANAQpUkCNHQ7m
有時候甚麼也不回應,只是陪伴,就是最好的回應。922Please respect copyright.PENANAC4QL8mQK3S
922Please respect copyright.PENANA3kK5xDcp4z
「我係你身上,就好似睇到曾經既自己咁。」妍妍說。922Please respect copyright.PENANASPE6B8U1Kk
922Please respect copyright.PENANAM2hWIwxrhW
然後,她把頭靠到我的肩膊上。922Please respect copyright.PENANA1nTUuGO7hr
922Please respect copyright.PENANAh39He5laYV
「仲相信愛情,只為左一個人而活,全心,全靈,為左自己鐘意既人博盡全力去爭取,連對手係植嵐晨咁既級數既人都繼續前進。」922Please respect copyright.PENANAW3X88a1l1D
922Please respect copyright.PENANAVdqmkbKCXg
她一頭棕髮沿我胸膛傾瀉而下,撲鼻而來的是她頭髮的香氣夾雜海水咸味。922Please respect copyright.PENANAEntKBBQKEw
922Please respect copyright.PENANAxDXRErswtB
妍妍深呼吸,然後嘆了一口氣:「唉,但…依加已經完晒,其實早就應該完,當年就應該完,係我一直放佢唔低,直到佢尋日婚都結埋…我先知道一直走唔出去既人係我,亦…只有我一個。」922Please respect copyright.PENANAgyOL5Z3T1V
922Please respect copyright.PENANATlf2WQDPrA
在之前我也想像過童桐結婚而新郎不是我的畫面。922Please respect copyright.PENANA84Io6VU8Rj
922Please respect copyright.PENANAUfLEAPBOc6
在之後,我連想像的勇氣也沒有。922Please respect copyright.PENANAkxgEQncfL0
922Please respect copyright.PENANAEh5dDDhwn5
那是信仰的崩潰,世界的崩潰。922Please respect copyright.PENANAiNs3MEmKAR
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萬物的崩潰。922Please respect copyright.PENANAQWY6fOGQn3
922Please respect copyright.PENANAUWGClNNy5W
「所以你分手之後做PTGF…係因為…」922Please respect copyright.PENANAKPJgnwlzB2
922Please respect copyright.PENANAHSIJyKMf3j
「我以為佢會在意。」妍妍自嘲地冷笑,「至少以為佢會嬲,佢會話我污糟之類,但係…佢根本完全唔在意,我試過自己上網唱佢,佢都係理都唔理,本身至少想佢憎我,如果可以,我想佢至少憎我一世。」922Please respect copyright.PENANATdkk1iXt6l
922Please respect copyright.PENANAaqzlIlhnag
妍妍說著說著,眼淚便靜靜的淌下。922Please respect copyright.PENANALaTXDodOLG
922Please respect copyright.PENANAEJTjXMzOsB
「點解…點解連憎我一世都唔可以?」妍妍哽咽地說,哭著的她全身在發抖。922Please respect copyright.PENANA4KoSiVWvr3
922Please respect copyright.PENANAkq0voWSKOj
愛的反面不是憎恨。922Please respect copyright.PENANA3IPD4899Vp
922Please respect copyright.PENANAbUfmH8Dy7t
愛的反面是徹底的無視和冷漠。922Please respect copyright.PENANAJf00AvRFd9
922Please respect copyright.PENANAqQnZ2nAE4N
不知道是不是她已經習慣了這表情,竟然連抹也不打算抹,恍如連自己也要放棄自己一樣。922Please respect copyright.PENANARiWEBqRkRx
922Please respect copyright.PENANAPizd3crToR
這光景,我看過。922Please respect copyright.PENANA0hqnxtF4Lk
922Please respect copyright.PENANAFwCxrkEPEk
我在曾經的自己身上看過。922Please respect copyright.PENANAdCeeJQYC6a
922Please respect copyright.PENANAAyauO3lWBG
「你唔應該咁對自己。」我掏出紙巾輕印她的眼淚,「始終要放下。」922Please respect copyright.PENANANR9msElJgg
922Please respect copyright.PENANAJcunt8LLWq
「我知,但我做唔到。」把頭枕在我肩上的妍妍說,「等於我叫你放下童桐一樣。」922Please respect copyright.PENANAzOlLOgT4Ec
922Please respect copyright.PENANAbhRo3xnUC2
「無可能。」我搖頭。922Please respect copyright.PENANAZWWj0IpBgb
922Please respect copyright.PENANAvohSX2pHDu
「嗯,無可能。」她點頭。922Please respect copyright.PENANAqoAUdnETqu
922Please respect copyright.PENANAreoVNJHaPN
她繼續說:「一開始我只係咁自暴自棄,後來…我就覺得無所謂,點都無所謂,同唔同既男仔去玩,去蒲,做咩都好…我已經無所謂,過得一日就一日,反正又有錢收。」922Please respect copyright.PENANAhtEuuyH9PK
922Please respect copyright.PENANAL52hg6M69f
她打了個哆嗦,然後說:「既然唔知做咩好,咁樣就做咩都得。」922Please respect copyright.PENANAB08uOzcAek
922Please respect copyright.PENANAljMFI9NZ0d
失去人生目標的滋味,我倒還記憶猶新,大約幾小時前吧。922Please respect copyright.PENANA1rPmFikLR1
922Please respect copyright.PENANA2dtAi1oqYi
而且再往前回溯,在中學畢業後的暑假我也是這樣,唯一等待的就是自己慢慢在角落腐爛,做任何事也只是因本能而行動,也不記得今天是星期幾,幾月幾日,因為沒有需要。922Please respect copyright.PENANAXkadNCI786
922Please respect copyright.PENANAHt8WRz6eUn
甚麼也再沒需要了。922Please respect copyright.PENANA27jvQxzFnU
922Please respect copyright.PENANAhLh1G63gvG
妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己。922Please respect copyright.PENANAmlFwRuYr3o
922Please respect copyright.PENANAuGhBUdg8K6
我也在妍妍身上看到曾經的自己。922Please respect copyright.PENANAcMMy8lw6PS
922Please respect copyright.PENANAQ8ht8cKv3G
我把自己那時的頹然喪志和妍妍說了個大概,她同樣地靜靜的聽著,而且聽著聽著她把自己雙腳抱住,似乎好像聽到甚麼不願意回想起的事一樣。922Please respect copyright.PENANAn5OUIzftbI
922Please respect copyright.PENANAqFAl9vD8xr
話畢。922Please respect copyright.PENANAgd5RfBDt3U
922Please respect copyright.PENANAZse74Hr9YL
妍妍閉上眼思考了一會兒,然後開口說:「睇黎我黎搵你呻係正確既選擇。」922Please respect copyright.PENANAapUdPYvzZo
922Please respect copyright.PENANAcUm12IiXBa
「你想既,幾時都可以。」922Please respect copyright.PENANAloGM0vBBsV
922Please respect copyright.PENANAXpyu8rhTLz
她沉默了片刻。922Please respect copyright.PENANAqOnyQz7cfn
922Please respect copyright.PENANAQpXEsk8cQY
「咁你個時點走出去?」她問我。922Please respect copyright.PENANAmPbW0PuYAd
922Please respect copyright.PENANAFAXSd7JjeK
「一黎童桐唔俾我繼續摺落去喇。」我說,「二黎就係射返箭,射箭個時個人會好專心,射中靶會好有成功感,漸漸就走左出黎。」922Please respect copyright.PENANAXEAKORdFBn
922Please respect copyright.PENANATYwvSIxejh
「無興趣。」她微笑說。922Please respect copyright.PENANA19G6mrU37J
922Please respect copyright.PENANA9FyeSP1mxn
「…咁點解個時你唔搵我?至少我可以好似童桐拖我出房咁樣幫你,我地細個都一齊玩過,我唔會唔理你。」我說。922Please respect copyright.PENANAVNyLvoxbZU
922Please respect copyright.PENANAQCSt0vDPGC
「個時我都未搵返你。我地細個個時又無Facebook IG呢D。」妍妍說,「係去到情聖係TG Group臨時要女仔同你去街,我先知個個係你。」922Please respect copyright.PENANAwTTjfrp5Yq
922Please respect copyright.PENANAWrp9ZoEMBU
「係咪…好失望?」我苦笑,「搞到要搵PTGF………雖,雖然係用黎激童桐啦,我本身都無諗住要搵PTGF,一日都係情聖自把自為,未未未未等到30歲轉生做魔法師囉…」922Please respect copyright.PENANAdlEEvUtiSt
922Please respect copyright.PENANAaiYXbiMy3n
我說到了後半句才發現自己的發言何等窩囊,馬上手忙腳亂地想修正,但是似乎愈描愈黑。922Please respect copyright.PENANAq2au0hExGI
922Please respect copyright.PENANA7E2j2vpaH4
「好啦,唔使解釋。」妍妍被我的慌張樣子逗笑,「你真係除左射箭咩都唔識架喎。」922Please respect copyright.PENANAjYBo15gycA
922Please respect copyright.PENANA4ZPW3fhlGk
「連你都咁講,嗚…」922Please respect copyright.PENANA1mDdV47r9A
922Please respect copyright.PENANAzQUqHmTYOI
「咁樣先係你既賣點。」妍妍輕撫我被海風吹亂的頭髮說。922Please respect copyright.PENANAHGFWLWvDJ4
922Please respect copyright.PENANAswdhtaPf0y
同樣是看到我使出全力追求童桐,情聖在我身上看到自己沒有之物並覺得耀眼,而妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己並覺得懷念。922Please respect copyright.PENANAojQ22oXUCx
922Please respect copyright.PENANAquGmX7jVUx
我完全不覺我自己會為任何人帶來啟發,但似乎他們不這樣認為。922Please respect copyright.PENANAMkoR612MCK
922Please respect copyright.PENANACw5mhAR6Uh
「咁你以後有咩打算?既然個個人已經連婚都結埋。」我說。922Please respect copyright.PENANAThxeqM2udw
922Please respect copyright.PENANAwqnqxMkVXc
「……我唔知。」妍妍看著海的雙眼變得空洞,不過她還把頭靠在我肩上,我很有信心她沒有任何投海的念頭。922Please respect copyright.PENANAyMHWEG5g2V
922Please respect copyright.PENANAlAa4PkPYRy
然後她開口問:「你呢,如果最後童桐都係唔同你一齊,你又有咩打算?」922Please respect copyright.PENANAocx6PEluyg
922Please respect copyright.PENANA1PhzMV0xoQ
「……我唔知。」我給出和妍妍一模一樣的答案。922Please respect copyright.PENANAxROaaAelUr
922Please respect copyright.PENANAcJBIq53UI8
看來我真的沒有鼓勵人的天分,但畢竟我也自身難保嘛。922Please respect copyright.PENANAF66kNONbSg
922Please respect copyright.PENANA4hrTzTOZ1o
「……」922Please respect copyright.PENANAvUhamK9Sjn
922Please respect copyright.PENANA0VP4DDbh6e
兩個不知還可以怎樣辦的人,就這樣互相倚靠在一起,坐在海邊喝著廉價的啤酒,吹著因暑氣而帶點異味的海風。922Please respect copyright.PENANAzlOYx8cTV9
922Please respect copyright.PENANAjJwF0Wp0zT
不是甚麼事也能憑決心,憑努力去改寫的。922Please respect copyright.PENANAmd0diD7vrt
922Please respect copyright.PENANAP9KdOrRdiA
夏天,也到尾聲了。922Please respect copyright.PENANAFC42tAWkp3