又是一陣沉默,然後妍妍轉頭看著我問道:「呀遊。」924Please respect copyright.PENANAcMedZNNKUg
924Please respect copyright.PENANAUoIdDgtEDv
「…係?」我回答。924Please respect copyright.PENANAPbuBk1uzW7
924Please respect copyright.PENANAaffPhiE9ca
「你覺得PTGF係做D咩?」924Please respect copyright.PENANANp0u0AOM4l
924Please respect copyright.PENANA18ndiCoZXr
PDGF,是Part Time Girl Friend簡寫,老實說不是甚麼新興東西,以往的名字有很多,援交,出租女友,兼職女友,爸爸活,Sugar Daddy之類…當然,仔細劃分用字定義還是能分出差異的,但…924Please respect copyright.PENANA8vU7uzpCBI
924Please respect copyright.PENANAYcZPqKzudR
「因金錢利益與男性發生關係」,這點應該不會錯。924Please respect copyright.PENANADglMzSrc3W
924Please respect copyright.PENANAF0hZj5VUcj
妍妍看著海說:「嗯,可以咁講…雖然有D女仔堅持唔上床,只係行街睇戲食飯拖手之類,但係…」924Please respect copyright.PENANAse9QxxY1XQ
924Please respect copyright.PENANAu7e5hiYLKI
我等著她最後那句。924Please respect copyright.PENANAHkDum74FTu
924Please respect copyright.PENANA2skAYHyAju
「…我唔係個種。」妍妍說。924Please respect copyright.PENANANfqVFnDmHk
924Please respect copyright.PENANAhc65MnY4tB
「嗯,我聽緊。」我說。924Please respect copyright.PENANAYLeW51CEZT
924Please respect copyright.PENANAAOzXUSfv5F
她看看我,似乎發現我表情眼神沒甚麼變化後似乎放鬆了一點:「我仲以為你會介意添。」924Please respect copyright.PENANAWmUnILplqn
924Please respect copyright.PENANA3AzcQrSHIz
我失笑:「我又唔係你邊個,有咩好介意?」924Please respect copyright.PENANAoPqdRd6q21
924Please respect copyright.PENANAu2DpE6PDYN
「即係如果我同你親密D既你就會介意?」她反問。924Please respect copyright.PENANAdouaMyb0or
924Please respect copyright.PENANACus7j5Wxkh
「我唔回答假設性問題。」我擺出官腔,因為我真的不知道。924Please respect copyright.PENANALtpAf33FHQ
924Please respect copyright.PENANAuvdzFmpuqB
妍妍喝一口啤酒:「不過都唔係每個男仔我都會同佢做…普通都係遊下車河,去船P,食飯個D,如果真係岩Feel同信得過既先會做。」924Please respect copyright.PENANA6R5rpfbD0P
924Please respect copyright.PENANAggin9uJPWP
「咁…」924Please respect copyright.PENANAwiQgHkGmbF
924Please respect copyright.PENANAegsw9wdOzO
感覺我說甚麼也會錯。924Please respect copyright.PENANADmTmCJ7yvV
924Please respect copyright.PENANAXgz2b5f4Gx
「之前我咪問你關於Deep-World,黑PR既事…我都係係客身上聽返黎,有錢人就有呢D門路,總之,我係想搵黑PR黎對付我唯一既個個EX 。」924Please respect copyright.PENANAFPWSjgEH95
924Please respect copyright.PENANAe63EnIkbi2
妍妍說過她是A1,即是現在單身,但曾拍過一次拖。924Please respect copyright.PENANAk6b8p1uDNx
924Please respect copyright.PENANAu06FGZ3ufg
「嗯,你講過。」924Please respect copyright.PENANAwp8kyjJGNM
924Please respect copyright.PENANAZFppHRSYRt
「但我估唔到你會記住。」她說,「估唔到你會記到童桐以外既事啊?」924Please respect copyright.PENANAmeXQ23QpJQ
924Please respect copyright.PENANASJRI9T83Ri
「咪笑我啦。」924Please respect copyright.PENANA8aka5PfFoS
924Please respect copyright.PENANAvCpAGXNUIM
她笑了。924Please respect copyright.PENANARrYst1Scs2
924Please respect copyright.PENANAijTKg1s8rP
「尋日係好日,佢就係尋日結婚…」妍妍看著漆黑的海說,「終於都完,感覺就好似發左場夢咁。」924Please respect copyright.PENANAY60uqMGGc5
924Please respect copyright.PENANAXk0KrjqF5q
「係好夢定惡夢?」924Please respect copyright.PENANAa28KqM2BiL
924Please respect copyright.PENANA9TVYMB3wAM
「…同現實比,係好夢。」她說,「同個時我地打算過既將來比,係惡夢。」924Please respect copyright.PENANAA7oSdcxUFh
924Please respect copyright.PENANAYU5unzK6kk
我仔細咀嚼這一句當中的含意。924Please respect copyright.PENANAfKece8OxCF
924Please respect copyright.PENANAdcRbu3sI8W
「曾經我同你一樣啊,呀遊。」她說,「曾經我都將一個人視為全宇宙,視為我既一切,我既世界就係圍住佢轉。過去,現在,未來,都因佢而起,因佢而存在,亦因佢而有寄望。」924Please respect copyright.PENANANGV14qfnZI
924Please respect copyright.PENANAk4Vs3IjOwU
雖然我猜到了個大概,但我決定沉默。924Please respect copyright.PENANAI8HAZTAWI9
924Please respect copyright.PENANAbFw9tPkIIW
有時候甚麼也不回應,只是陪伴,就是最好的回應。924Please respect copyright.PENANAZKvS04zhsm
924Please respect copyright.PENANAhpJDvfNtcp
「我係你身上,就好似睇到曾經既自己咁。」妍妍說。924Please respect copyright.PENANAAJ0mWdB9NG
924Please respect copyright.PENANAIpfOUWGNqx
然後,她把頭靠到我的肩膊上。924Please respect copyright.PENANA9k4uS6kD7j
924Please respect copyright.PENANAuSpiUALPN9
「仲相信愛情,只為左一個人而活,全心,全靈,為左自己鐘意既人博盡全力去爭取,連對手係植嵐晨咁既級數既人都繼續前進。」924Please respect copyright.PENANAUxANdlOaiq
924Please respect copyright.PENANAo1Ch7swYUn
她一頭棕髮沿我胸膛傾瀉而下,撲鼻而來的是她頭髮的香氣夾雜海水咸味。924Please respect copyright.PENANAkCAjP2NyHs
924Please respect copyright.PENANAXwzodwr7DX
妍妍深呼吸,然後嘆了一口氣:「唉,但…依加已經完晒,其實早就應該完,當年就應該完,係我一直放佢唔低,直到佢尋日婚都結埋…我先知道一直走唔出去既人係我,亦…只有我一個。」924Please respect copyright.PENANAHt8xaqLckQ
924Please respect copyright.PENANAkiTThQslsV
在之前我也想像過童桐結婚而新郎不是我的畫面。924Please respect copyright.PENANAoGELiZPl6T
924Please respect copyright.PENANACqdqC8OZGs
在之後,我連想像的勇氣也沒有。924Please respect copyright.PENANAocl9mhP7pX
924Please respect copyright.PENANA0ddZ1P5Rju
那是信仰的崩潰,世界的崩潰。924Please respect copyright.PENANA6iVzC7ZHe6
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萬物的崩潰。924Please respect copyright.PENANAuET2Hfv8Wz
924Please respect copyright.PENANA1oX0OhWlcq
「所以你分手之後做PTGF…係因為…」924Please respect copyright.PENANApjUVqipgA7
924Please respect copyright.PENANARLZtQiHhln
「我以為佢會在意。」妍妍自嘲地冷笑,「至少以為佢會嬲,佢會話我污糟之類,但係…佢根本完全唔在意,我試過自己上網唱佢,佢都係理都唔理,本身至少想佢憎我,如果可以,我想佢至少憎我一世。」924Please respect copyright.PENANAWBKc6U1oUL
924Please respect copyright.PENANAC0lWVQLeTq
妍妍說著說著,眼淚便靜靜的淌下。924Please respect copyright.PENANA6GjgUOJ2nd
924Please respect copyright.PENANA8PRK9SWIgU
「點解…點解連憎我一世都唔可以?」妍妍哽咽地說,哭著的她全身在發抖。924Please respect copyright.PENANAaKJylDFuWB
924Please respect copyright.PENANAHcALersXQD
愛的反面不是憎恨。924Please respect copyright.PENANAPqbiOdGG7d
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愛的反面是徹底的無視和冷漠。924Please respect copyright.PENANA9RBsTVEOCD
924Please respect copyright.PENANAhULFSIhvAD
不知道是不是她已經習慣了這表情,竟然連抹也不打算抹,恍如連自己也要放棄自己一樣。924Please respect copyright.PENANAY6KzYdWN9j
924Please respect copyright.PENANA8OAFXkB9fC
這光景,我看過。924Please respect copyright.PENANABPyx8TeQ02
924Please respect copyright.PENANA9C6TZeuwRq
我在曾經的自己身上看過。924Please respect copyright.PENANAmuVNODjdhg
924Please respect copyright.PENANAzlFWlL3IKr
「你唔應該咁對自己。」我掏出紙巾輕印她的眼淚,「始終要放下。」924Please respect copyright.PENANAj5g9TIKC92
924Please respect copyright.PENANA8LzkF05OV4
「我知,但我做唔到。」把頭枕在我肩上的妍妍說,「等於我叫你放下童桐一樣。」924Please respect copyright.PENANAbwqaDoDYuB
924Please respect copyright.PENANA8DgSnWOHhz
「無可能。」我搖頭。924Please respect copyright.PENANAPybWnpXo7i
924Please respect copyright.PENANALwdutRjM7l
「嗯,無可能。」她點頭。924Please respect copyright.PENANAnuSXLRq8PR
924Please respect copyright.PENANArb0ghCGpUw
她繼續說:「一開始我只係咁自暴自棄,後來…我就覺得無所謂,點都無所謂,同唔同既男仔去玩,去蒲,做咩都好…我已經無所謂,過得一日就一日,反正又有錢收。」924Please respect copyright.PENANAuzyHgQNnN8
924Please respect copyright.PENANANTvW7vlGcN
她打了個哆嗦,然後說:「既然唔知做咩好,咁樣就做咩都得。」924Please respect copyright.PENANAevXSSy6Km5
924Please respect copyright.PENANAhDLRYmAsxE
失去人生目標的滋味,我倒還記憶猶新,大約幾小時前吧。924Please respect copyright.PENANAcrB9FFnOjC
924Please respect copyright.PENANA1JXLBpq4tM
而且再往前回溯,在中學畢業後的暑假我也是這樣,唯一等待的就是自己慢慢在角落腐爛,做任何事也只是因本能而行動,也不記得今天是星期幾,幾月幾日,因為沒有需要。924Please respect copyright.PENANAaWE6Setxkj
924Please respect copyright.PENANAkO3enYXofa
甚麼也再沒需要了。924Please respect copyright.PENANAhdNGAyGt34
924Please respect copyright.PENANA8Ox1FHqVO6
妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己。924Please respect copyright.PENANAkpIeprtctJ
924Please respect copyright.PENANAkrr513yalu
我也在妍妍身上看到曾經的自己。924Please respect copyright.PENANATxpFwFgkEm
924Please respect copyright.PENANAuDJnOkaE42
我把自己那時的頹然喪志和妍妍說了個大概,她同樣地靜靜的聽著,而且聽著聽著她把自己雙腳抱住,似乎好像聽到甚麼不願意回想起的事一樣。924Please respect copyright.PENANAq3ZiJQhknX
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話畢。924Please respect copyright.PENANANNOuRijAlE
924Please respect copyright.PENANA88GAI2CbcU
妍妍閉上眼思考了一會兒,然後開口說:「睇黎我黎搵你呻係正確既選擇。」924Please respect copyright.PENANAtZKaJJa2oM
924Please respect copyright.PENANARl8rn31RAU
「你想既,幾時都可以。」924Please respect copyright.PENANA7sxVtqYKlN
924Please respect copyright.PENANAVes8desOa6
她沉默了片刻。924Please respect copyright.PENANAPjSKSLMSnT
924Please respect copyright.PENANAVvQGGOiZxR
「咁你個時點走出去?」她問我。924Please respect copyright.PENANAkMDXnDfq05
924Please respect copyright.PENANAHymeHeDwYF
「一黎童桐唔俾我繼續摺落去喇。」我說,「二黎就係射返箭,射箭個時個人會好專心,射中靶會好有成功感,漸漸就走左出黎。」924Please respect copyright.PENANAtGzcuMNr2C
924Please respect copyright.PENANAlWfWUX5I43
「無興趣。」她微笑說。924Please respect copyright.PENANAVI8Y39lKBu
924Please respect copyright.PENANACJ5YCkXItz
「…咁點解個時你唔搵我?至少我可以好似童桐拖我出房咁樣幫你,我地細個都一齊玩過,我唔會唔理你。」我說。924Please respect copyright.PENANAH8jbdJ0LoE
924Please respect copyright.PENANA3VBuklX6LW
「個時我都未搵返你。我地細個個時又無Facebook IG呢D。」妍妍說,「係去到情聖係TG Group臨時要女仔同你去街,我先知個個係你。」924Please respect copyright.PENANAd42bZtECXo
924Please respect copyright.PENANA5GlD9ipgw2
「係咪…好失望?」我苦笑,「搞到要搵PTGF………雖,雖然係用黎激童桐啦,我本身都無諗住要搵PTGF,一日都係情聖自把自為,未未未未等到30歲轉生做魔法師囉…」924Please respect copyright.PENANAyrixRCYkTe
924Please respect copyright.PENANAIKlqCf8wbX
我說到了後半句才發現自己的發言何等窩囊,馬上手忙腳亂地想修正,但是似乎愈描愈黑。924Please respect copyright.PENANAENPQPol0F4
924Please respect copyright.PENANA0OJBeK9XHo
「好啦,唔使解釋。」妍妍被我的慌張樣子逗笑,「你真係除左射箭咩都唔識架喎。」924Please respect copyright.PENANAGOZJlnncZJ
924Please respect copyright.PENANAzvzCknoOGi
「連你都咁講,嗚…」924Please respect copyright.PENANAHIUfUK97o1
924Please respect copyright.PENANAM2qb4OpBQ8
「咁樣先係你既賣點。」妍妍輕撫我被海風吹亂的頭髮說。924Please respect copyright.PENANA6FmyfQpnkD
924Please respect copyright.PENANAIrZBfowiT7
同樣是看到我使出全力追求童桐,情聖在我身上看到自己沒有之物並覺得耀眼,而妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己並覺得懷念。924Please respect copyright.PENANAxFWHEUcQZK
924Please respect copyright.PENANADLrI6hbuyb
我完全不覺我自己會為任何人帶來啟發,但似乎他們不這樣認為。924Please respect copyright.PENANASeC59hK39M
924Please respect copyright.PENANAJwobbP64x3
「咁你以後有咩打算?既然個個人已經連婚都結埋。」我說。924Please respect copyright.PENANAN8w0t0Y8j1
924Please respect copyright.PENANAbAQK2oYxPF
「……我唔知。」妍妍看著海的雙眼變得空洞,不過她還把頭靠在我肩上,我很有信心她沒有任何投海的念頭。924Please respect copyright.PENANAdEGFse5oZr
924Please respect copyright.PENANAwcBGV1OWBX
然後她開口問:「你呢,如果最後童桐都係唔同你一齊,你又有咩打算?」924Please respect copyright.PENANATOdRWBDExX
924Please respect copyright.PENANAAeuxfxfzTj
「……我唔知。」我給出和妍妍一模一樣的答案。924Please respect copyright.PENANAtjyDOHinEp
924Please respect copyright.PENANAEHz00o8IdG
看來我真的沒有鼓勵人的天分,但畢竟我也自身難保嘛。924Please respect copyright.PENANAPF5eeBXuiy
924Please respect copyright.PENANAaHed9LETko
「……」924Please respect copyright.PENANAaya93mEEHi
924Please respect copyright.PENANAGkvK6iVuWd
兩個不知還可以怎樣辦的人,就這樣互相倚靠在一起,坐在海邊喝著廉價的啤酒,吹著因暑氣而帶點異味的海風。924Please respect copyright.PENANAOCzbVkgpr7
924Please respect copyright.PENANAgah0MUzbvm
不是甚麼事也能憑決心,憑努力去改寫的。924Please respect copyright.PENANASeVwSs8N9U
924Please respect copyright.PENANAwyfuYKZOAd
夏天,也到尾聲了。924Please respect copyright.PENANAH6GSRvI195