又是一陣沉默，然後妍妍轉頭看著我問道：「呀遊。」923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKFi0Npr28A
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzopFknduWT
「…係？」我回答。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjz1xk4sR7L
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBTyawiUZ2w
「你覺得PTGF係做Ｄ咩？」923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoqRMWkJx5W
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOHivVamB00
PDGF，是Part Time Girl Friend簡寫，老實說不是甚麼新興東西，以往的名字有很多，援交，出租女友，兼職女友，爸爸活，Sugar Daddy之類…當然，仔細劃分用字定義還是能分出差異的，但…923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Le7Y0CyI8
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKb8xpIjGa9
「因金錢利益與男性發生關係」，這點應該不會錯。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTKHr0hwLQ3
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcMwgyspTqp
妍妍看著海說：「嗯，可以咁講…雖然有Ｄ女仔堅持唔上床，只係行街睇戲食飯拖手之類，但係…」923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3WvVoJlyX4
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbrIvpIGtSD
我等著她最後那句。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡteI3VeDOke
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPY9WhiYgsq
「…我唔係個種。」妍妍說。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1aftVVUnRU
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZym2lVoYNi
「嗯，我聽緊。」我說。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuapYgeA6JF
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyBoLRIxZ5K
她看看我，似乎發現我表情眼神沒甚麼變化後似乎放鬆了一點：「我仲以為你會介意添。」923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvpVZSVrD7a
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlxbmw8veht
我失笑：「我又唔係你邊個，有咩好介意？」923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa7mjCLBJFi
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn28Tn6wbDz
「即係如果我同你親密Ｄ既你就會介意？」她反問。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDnStMfaU6C
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxEPER2d5EI
「我唔回答假設性問題。」我擺出官腔，因為我真的不知道。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6YlAw5QsZm
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6NHSgySzop
妍妍喝一口啤酒：「不過都唔係每個男仔我都會同佢做…普通都係遊下車河，去船P，食飯個Ｄ，如果真係岩Feel同信得過既先會做。」923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ1N1VtAN1d
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCC1pqMj0eE
「咁…」923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwXKAtJT6wy
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGr6zIvQFkc
感覺我說甚麼也會錯。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBV0QeiuVvL
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTKosO2dAVS
「之前我咪問你關於Deep-World，黑PR既事…我都係係客身上聽返黎，有錢人就有呢Ｄ門路，總之，我係想搵黑PR黎對付我唯一既個個EX 。」923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2AkZ3f7cxh
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH9A6Ld5d6L
妍妍說過她是A1，即是現在單身，但曾拍過一次拖。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrI9trQOxAB
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2kNwAzCuJj
「嗯，你講過。」923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxrTnBe6czH
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAJyXGd1JBD
「但我估唔到你會記住。」她說，「估唔到你會記到童桐以外既事啊？」923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ02aySo3kAi
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfXKwmUMtVW
「咪笑我啦。」923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡovtn8egYo9
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZmRLlIW2Vx
她笑了。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrXlwGgdUnX
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNqy5uEfhM0
「尋日係好日，佢就係尋日結婚…」妍妍看著漆黑的海說，「終於都完，感覺就好似發左場夢咁。」923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS9VzSTD0M3
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3jox3mo8fS
「係好夢定惡夢？」923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUdaWfZuPTR
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdEb5sEyY2Y
「…同現實比，係好夢。」她說，「同個時我地打算過既將來比，係惡夢。」923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwZJaMkEeq7
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvW4juEQnjG
我仔細咀嚼這一句當中的含意。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡklHFGUJSkb
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0WNdgU5dFa
「曾經我同你一樣啊，呀遊。」她說，「曾經我都將一個人視為全宇宙，視為我既一切，我既世界就係圍住佢轉。過去，現在，未來，都因佢而起，因佢而存在，亦因佢而有寄望。」923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWYKMh7ho2Z
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGlkK6MdBQ4
雖然我猜到了個大概，但我決定沉默。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOuAYEyS3PL
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrpWvfgjb3f
有時候甚麼也不回應，只是陪伴，就是最好的回應。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJQV9nL6Mh4
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw6fUiJZ2gh
「我係你身上，就好似睇到曾經既自己咁。」妍妍說。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvEEB6WPJ7Z
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB6RYUQE2QR
然後，她把頭靠到我的肩膊上。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqVSS7yINzm
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV1irTFFi2y
「仲相信愛情，只為左一個人而活，全心，全靈，為左自己鐘意既人博盡全力去爭取，連對手係植嵐晨咁既級數既人都繼續前進。」923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo4WNn5KugZ
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgRdjVzlNlG
她一頭棕髮沿我胸膛傾瀉而下，撲鼻而來的是她頭髮的香氣夾雜海水咸味。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtusgjGzgDW
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXOPu2lIo3C
妍妍深呼吸，然後嘆了一口氣：「唉，但…依加已經完晒，其實早就應該完，當年就應該完，係我一直放佢唔低，直到佢尋日婚都結埋…我先知道一直走唔出去既人係我，亦…只有我一個。」923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3YnNT1DvSJ
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYswwaqbLaz
在之前我也想像過童桐結婚而新郎不是我的畫面。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK8RTVXBZ2A
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgB8nHzDLct
在之後，我連想像的勇氣也沒有。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkAmpTTiqBY
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡltIW3rHNn1
那是信仰的崩潰，世界的崩潰。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvNrb0dfccV
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡouLC5FLFtY
萬物的崩潰。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv7SqN0Va10
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyJoXjfRwSD
「所以你分手之後做PTGF…係因為…」923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJOszJSKPYq
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyv10Yg6jMz
「我以為佢會在意。」妍妍自嘲地冷笑，「至少以為佢會嬲，佢會話我污糟之類，但係…佢根本完全唔在意，我試過自己上網唱佢，佢都係理都唔理，本身至少想佢憎我，如果可以，我想佢至少憎我一世。」923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGoGg6CbGBT
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSF1zpThxWl
妍妍說著說著，眼淚便靜靜的淌下。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxnbbz9rdRc
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9dnvAU2Bp4
「點解…點解連憎我一世都唔可以？」妍妍哽咽地說，哭著的她全身在發抖。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyVz7UDRRIf
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBlkDhhQsMz
愛的反面不是憎恨。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAgs8gq0BPO
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR03KVVeBS5
愛的反面是徹底的無視和冷漠。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUW1kcNIUnM
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡULeu3H1fsq
不知道是不是她已經習慣了這表情，竟然連抹也不打算抹，恍如連自己也要放棄自己一樣。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEo6T6m5fCb
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoAwOr6Bo79
這光景，我看過。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjMagbxsYuL
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfEQzyyejFX
我在曾經的自己身上看過。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBpr5RZf0JU
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqplMzOdUyv
「你唔應該咁對自己。」我掏出紙巾輕印她的眼淚，「始終要放下。」923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVbTJpRf9rn
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRJ7Wipmw34
「我知，但我做唔到。」把頭枕在我肩上的妍妍說，「等於我叫你放下童桐一樣。」923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyq74K4RYL8
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuxK6OhCfQb
「無可能。」我搖頭。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡREOCOkTnB9
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeDUTrP0MiU
「嗯，無可能。」她點頭。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTQRkdWSJ9e
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoDWE5JkT1b
她繼續說：「一開始我只係咁自暴自棄，後來…我就覺得無所謂，點都無所謂，同唔同既男仔去玩，去蒲，做咩都好…我已經無所謂，過得一日就一日，反正又有錢收。」923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3WdMzXBBlK
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡunczO7KK6n
她打了個哆嗦，然後說：「既然唔知做咩好，咁樣就做咩都得。」923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWIEcDxk8EK
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAEi1HOMtwB
失去人生目標的滋味，我倒還記憶猶新，大約幾小時前吧。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8vgazG1Io5
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaDVTSeSmen
而且再往前回溯，在中學畢業後的暑假我也是這樣，唯一等待的就是自己慢慢在角落腐爛，做任何事也只是因本能而行動，也不記得今天是星期幾，幾月幾日，因為沒有需要。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqKVIsNepcp
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5AwVw8Se3i
甚麼也再沒需要了。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKh8VZwqylP
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR4vIhp6YrK
妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqiP28HJO7o
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3RKNgrMRsT
我也在妍妍身上看到曾經的自己。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSuLw3KWJsJ
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1mqzfv7ZIA
我把自己那時的頹然喪志和妍妍說了個大概，她同樣地靜靜的聽著，而且聽著聽著她把自己雙腳抱住，似乎好像聽到甚麼不願意回想起的事一樣。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkpst0OTTgJ
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZRjFkJkvKN
話畢。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3l03dOT4Wj
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC2zRXKeYuX
妍妍閉上眼思考了一會兒，然後開口說：「睇黎我黎搵你呻係正確既選擇。」923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh3rcNR0Exc
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmSVpqabCTH
「你想既，幾時都可以。」923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbxUqlU2fyi
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxvQKtvgMSR
她沉默了片刻。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMX1IrpRPsS
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm4S6WVorKl
「咁你個時點走出去？」她問我。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ObmC8WPzu
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡONmCesWA0P
「一黎童桐唔俾我繼續摺落去喇。」我說，「二黎就係射返箭，射箭個時個人會好專心，射中靶會好有成功感，漸漸就走左出黎。」923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcrjr65GMgZ
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjd0WLgXsED
「無興趣。」她微笑說。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxWcUtcxTW7
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkgo043TjTO
「…咁點解個時你唔搵我？至少我可以好似童桐拖我出房咁樣幫你，我地細個都一齊玩過，我唔會唔理你。」我說。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa81QcNaP1P
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7tqLw0HtJs
「個時我都未搵返你。我地細個個時又無Facebook IG呢Ｄ。」妍妍說，「係去到情聖係TG Group臨時要女仔同你去街，我先知個個係你。」923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO3jqUGZvDS
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKCqB3pq24Q
「係咪…好失望？」我苦笑，「搞到要搵PTGF………雖，雖然係用黎激童桐啦，我本身都無諗住要搵PTGF，一日都係情聖自把自為，未未未未等到30歲轉生做魔法師囉…」923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs2CRk4ChX8
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVaFddGI27w
我說到了後半句才發現自己的發言何等窩囊，馬上手忙腳亂地想修正，但是似乎愈描愈黑。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0ZUW9FBBdF
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbMVSHmEqJJ
「好啦，唔使解釋。」妍妍被我的慌張樣子逗笑，「你真係除左射箭咩都唔識架喎。」923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA0vor8Ex1c
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBVzCxlHRIr
「連你都咁講，嗚…」923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUyjP6za2IW
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBnNikJhXRW
「咁樣先係你既賣點。」妍妍輕撫我被海風吹亂的頭髮說。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoBV3PFrZxb
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7rVRsLQoj8
同樣是看到我使出全力追求童桐，情聖在我身上看到自己沒有之物並覺得耀眼，而妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己並覺得懷念。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0NRaidXKDS
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwC97Qx8hDr
我完全不覺我自己會為任何人帶來啟發，但似乎他們不這樣認為。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡppcN6oZ9Dz
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk1KdO6oKjM
「咁你以後有咩打算？既然個個人已經連婚都結埋。」我說。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCOu0NceGGz
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe6wxoQaKWz
「……我唔知。」妍妍看著海的雙眼變得空洞，不過她還把頭靠在我肩上，我很有信心她沒有任何投海的念頭。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9zRbNBU7ja
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDSe9XJWmwv
然後她開口問：「你呢，如果最後童桐都係唔同你一齊，你又有咩打算？」923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRKACzDDisi
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡysJijEtvq1
「……我唔知。」我給出和妍妍一模一樣的答案。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyLKjb5bPcg
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtyrF5TppAo
看來我真的沒有鼓勵人的天分，但畢竟我也自身難保嘛。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbQ8yPPffAL
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc3KIXMYtlX
「……」923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdPERm4FXu7
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVX6Sp18Mwi
兩個不知還可以怎樣辦的人，就這樣互相倚靠在一起，坐在海邊喝著廉價的啤酒，吹著因暑氣而帶點異味的海風。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5w3xxM8cHr
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjaCN8o1iuO
不是甚麼事也能憑決心，憑努力去改寫的。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAJMN5igFYP
923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEsrG47f1fn
夏天，也到尾聲了。923Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1n2Htpo48f
Penana
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