又是一陣沉默，然後妍妍轉頭看著我問道：「呀遊。」904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAcGNFblgiG
904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡilY7mZyVEv
「…係？」我回答。904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsGzNdHDCds
904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbDizXDj7n9
「你覺得PTGF係做Ｄ咩？」904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHtrJkEo00R
904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBuYGlHfTjM
PDGF，是Part Time Girl Friend簡寫，老實說不是甚麼新興東西，以往的名字有很多，援交，出租女友，兼職女友，爸爸活，Sugar Daddy之類…當然，仔細劃分用字定義還是能分出差異的，但…904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm6wNiwDPIQ
904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsi8QX6pZ9h
「因金錢利益與男性發生關係」，這點應該不會錯。904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrIrQ1SRefb
904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN7bvQXuF8t
妍妍看著海說：「嗯，可以咁講…雖然有Ｄ女仔堅持唔上床，只係行街睇戲食飯拖手之類，但係…」904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6n5Vrlq3gi
904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwyWcgnt3ru
我等著她最後那句。904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡds7sFXpN2f
904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtNcKqioEPs
「…我唔係個種。」妍妍說。904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6bo9vDCfWH
904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡARXMBEOKTD
「嗯，我聽緊。」我說。904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUGT9aogbD4
904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHxNmak9JkB
她看看我，似乎發現我表情眼神沒甚麼變化後似乎放鬆了一點：「我仲以為你會介意添。」904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEW3c4M1jTf
904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeOtkQ4KQVS
我失笑：「我又唔係你邊個，有咩好介意？」904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOAFoZMNc8f
904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs61SfjTTKh
「即係如果我同你親密Ｄ既你就會介意？」她反問。904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9JlqkIdwQ9
904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ88h08HicuN
「我唔回答假設性問題。」我擺出官腔，因為我真的不知道。904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5HhpeHpFXC
904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡExY2YRaDrz
妍妍喝一口啤酒：「不過都唔係每個男仔我都會同佢做…普通都係遊下車河，去船P，食飯個Ｄ，如果真係岩Feel同信得過既先會做。」904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmLGVw6O7xh
904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN21BBdgQUb
「咁…」904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoVwB8ny3j2
904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpFHgivYFNm
感覺我說甚麼也會錯。904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxwobyhFooM
904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxpCBEZGj0l
「之前我咪問你關於Deep-World，黑PR既事…我都係係客身上聽返黎，有錢人就有呢Ｄ門路，總之，我係想搵黑PR黎對付我唯一既個個EX 。」904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQVmXrd5FnX
904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxjZRUAsUMq
妍妍說過她是A1，即是現在單身，但曾拍過一次拖。904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs8KAN63azw
904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgxC716gz0t
「嗯，你講過。」904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaKFEwnSwVg
904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoWR51cF9VF
「但我估唔到你會記住。」她說，「估唔到你會記到童桐以外既事啊？」904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIDCRNsXmkJ
904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6rVyCJ2aQb
「咪笑我啦。」904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCdbr4nisvq
904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZytn7CK3Hq
她笑了。904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSgoklvR4eK
904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpqV2MjW9FH
「尋日係好日，佢就係尋日結婚…」妍妍看著漆黑的海說，「終於都完，感覺就好似發左場夢咁。」904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjWy32sh6Bx
904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPgNaPlk1T4
「係好夢定惡夢？」904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqjLbE67wDT
904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvrPubXuoro
「…同現實比，係好夢。」她說，「同個時我地打算過既將來比，係惡夢。」904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhd4xCvqgbM
904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡITMMz2YNxT
我仔細咀嚼這一句當中的含意。904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnV09nCVhpL
904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqLUk2seU9z
「曾經我同你一樣啊，呀遊。」她說，「曾經我都將一個人視為全宇宙，視為我既一切，我既世界就係圍住佢轉。過去，現在，未來，都因佢而起，因佢而存在，亦因佢而有寄望。」904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRVyMWAuX2T
904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4O4BncIZn4
雖然我猜到了個大概，但我決定沉默。904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIY5fGeEyii
904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB36QY8GsMg
有時候甚麼也不回應，只是陪伴，就是最好的回應。904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAWpMODiGFG
904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt53GhRj82N
「我係你身上，就好似睇到曾經既自己咁。」妍妍說。904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFlNJkK0FWL
904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaMwsWNeEaE
然後，她把頭靠到我的肩膊上。904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqAgKZFs0RW
904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOj67LJnH7y
「仲相信愛情，只為左一個人而活，全心，全靈，為左自己鐘意既人博盡全力去爭取，連對手係植嵐晨咁既級數既人都繼續前進。」904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxIEoRCzs6J
904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXXUWGOmPqg
她一頭棕髮沿我胸膛傾瀉而下，撲鼻而來的是她頭髮的香氣夾雜海水咸味。904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxz4AocNFHK
904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpBqHfk1XdP
妍妍深呼吸，然後嘆了一口氣：「唉，但…依加已經完晒，其實早就應該完，當年就應該完，係我一直放佢唔低，直到佢尋日婚都結埋…我先知道一直走唔出去既人係我，亦…只有我一個。」904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Hpnme4elh
904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP9Bh2rhGrn
在之前我也想像過童桐結婚而新郎不是我的畫面。904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG4ppUKBf1N
904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLfl4Mw7vRS
在之後，我連想像的勇氣也沒有。904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqaWXzL0TsH
904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2r1GoysiWY
那是信仰的崩潰，世界的崩潰。904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG2VLLTn4dE
904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvI7XT9Owf0
萬物的崩潰。904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRh1WIYQLFi
904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXzM2uENVVP
「所以你分手之後做PTGF…係因為…」904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKCPyfOG0t0
904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1xtOnj7e9v
「我以為佢會在意。」妍妍自嘲地冷笑，「至少以為佢會嬲，佢會話我污糟之類，但係…佢根本完全唔在意，我試過自己上網唱佢，佢都係理都唔理，本身至少想佢憎我，如果可以，我想佢至少憎我一世。」904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2RbAG3maH1
904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlUSvUP00xG
妍妍說著說著，眼淚便靜靜的淌下。904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC2auZVALFI
904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGG7j2y4nSW
「點解…點解連憎我一世都唔可以？」妍妍哽咽地說，哭著的她全身在發抖。904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY9OTcOXSiN
904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡccTQS9MosI
愛的反面不是憎恨。904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmw8DpLCXFb
904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQd3LP4SbQE
愛的反面是徹底的無視和冷漠。904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM5V382lgde
904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjlESBX8xqW
不知道是不是她已經習慣了這表情，竟然連抹也不打算抹，恍如連自己也要放棄自己一樣。904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPAyOqEGCxT
904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6PxvmLBaLU
這光景，我看過。904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmTvb5LrJAT
904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX97u7ZkO2v
我在曾經的自己身上看過。904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8KxbzNgpXW
904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgC1WJE8IsO
「你唔應該咁對自己。」我掏出紙巾輕印她的眼淚，「始終要放下。」904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAGRFXABfid
904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhEYsH88ejp
「我知，但我做唔到。」把頭枕在我肩上的妍妍說，「等於我叫你放下童桐一樣。」904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwwUhPvuJOD
904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj8jAO21V5c
「無可能。」我搖頭。904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIeXtIjdFqd
904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1ox4S8jW76
「嗯，無可能。」她點頭。904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡenh1Qqw4U1
904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOucXbZM3n0
她繼續說：「一開始我只係咁自暴自棄，後來…我就覺得無所謂，點都無所謂，同唔同既男仔去玩，去蒲，做咩都好…我已經無所謂，過得一日就一日，反正又有錢收。」904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBw6IR5T5AQ
904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡno45sc20uu
她打了個哆嗦，然後說：「既然唔知做咩好，咁樣就做咩都得。」904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ67YuO8eYGF
904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXwlVfqNvOO
失去人生目標的滋味，我倒還記憶猶新，大約幾小時前吧。904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL50eKuhaNw
904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSxHw9JyQ3L
而且再往前回溯，在中學畢業後的暑假我也是這樣，唯一等待的就是自己慢慢在角落腐爛，做任何事也只是因本能而行動，也不記得今天是星期幾，幾月幾日，因為沒有需要。904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE3X8D1eKhc
904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXy9hlZUg07
甚麼也再沒需要了。904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGLbIps9VAn
904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ82FxVqAsYq
妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己。904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEWYnsbJfe0
904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbEAgi3d1Zu
我也在妍妍身上看到曾經的自己。904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7uPOCPFnyu
904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3e4DXMJUsq
我把自己那時的頹然喪志和妍妍說了個大概，她同樣地靜靜的聽著，而且聽著聽著她把自己雙腳抱住，似乎好像聽到甚麼不願意回想起的事一樣。904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyknv4RW1RC
904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt5dJEayqp2
話畢。904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHHGzpsfTzp
904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSiZ1Gj6qRo
妍妍閉上眼思考了一會兒，然後開口說：「睇黎我黎搵你呻係正確既選擇。」904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNnBPG461qX
904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtU3EVh5eIT
「你想既，幾時都可以。」904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGD45BgN4Lv
904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXob4fvoQcx
她沉默了片刻。904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡujdWNokayw
904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFFP3qHy62y
「咁你個時點走出去？」她問我。904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQEozn4mW9m
904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm7t5uEKUKZ
「一黎童桐唔俾我繼續摺落去喇。」我說，「二黎就係射返箭，射箭個時個人會好專心，射中靶會好有成功感，漸漸就走左出黎。」904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIblB3YVlLj
904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz69rfiHw9p
「無興趣。」她微笑說。904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdCkdv77cP6
904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX0kciGAnEi
「…咁點解個時你唔搵我？至少我可以好似童桐拖我出房咁樣幫你，我地細個都一齊玩過，我唔會唔理你。」我說。904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrkran32MWI
904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3V2eaVDspW
「個時我都未搵返你。我地細個個時又無Facebook IG呢Ｄ。」妍妍說，「係去到情聖係TG Group臨時要女仔同你去街，我先知個個係你。」904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjEZheDtvYf
904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6wEiwshph3
「係咪…好失望？」我苦笑，「搞到要搵PTGF………雖，雖然係用黎激童桐啦，我本身都無諗住要搵PTGF，一日都係情聖自把自為，未未未未等到30歲轉生做魔法師囉…」904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQoCnTvUy2M
904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuVjCVTGzjW
我說到了後半句才發現自己的發言何等窩囊，馬上手忙腳亂地想修正，但是似乎愈描愈黑。904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmGg0QZZEGt
904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ82P4qV2RSL
「好啦，唔使解釋。」妍妍被我的慌張樣子逗笑，「你真係除左射箭咩都唔識架喎。」904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFkOyHE5row
904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ61whtGBX0B
「連你都咁講，嗚…」904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd9K04VL31B
904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK9ChwHINVr
「咁樣先係你既賣點。」妍妍輕撫我被海風吹亂的頭髮說。904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUzC43GSdxI
904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ubpLihqlg
同樣是看到我使出全力追求童桐，情聖在我身上看到自己沒有之物並覺得耀眼，而妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己並覺得懷念。904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbBfTRNwuEG
904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZeyTCTbeaD
我完全不覺我自己會為任何人帶來啟發，但似乎他們不這樣認為。904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDcO1bDsNjK
904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyGvVghs7Uq
「咁你以後有咩打算？既然個個人已經連婚都結埋。」我說。904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvOUlHBfwZv
904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeWsUwaBTiD
「……我唔知。」妍妍看著海的雙眼變得空洞，不過她還把頭靠在我肩上，我很有信心她沒有任何投海的念頭。904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Vg1EXIqgC
904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDP4irzOoPs
然後她開口問：「你呢，如果最後童桐都係唔同你一齊，你又有咩打算？」904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡneYvi3DZMb
904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo9F55BdkZA
「……我唔知。」我給出和妍妍一模一樣的答案。904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1rzcfFLbXe
904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVK5D6vEkrW
看來我真的沒有鼓勵人的天分，但畢竟我也自身難保嘛。904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQSVkGL8MwE
904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRS4FCYMKS0
「……」904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7mo26eZJ4M
904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7dHkVwK5uC
兩個不知還可以怎樣辦的人，就這樣互相倚靠在一起，坐在海邊喝著廉價的啤酒，吹著因暑氣而帶點異味的海風。904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhXLYYTXN2q
904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLjBuUS6jHR
不是甚麼事也能憑決心，憑努力去改寫的。904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5bECkc8uVi
904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9DP0G6ZIpT
夏天，也到尾聲了。904Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7h2aRxjoRB
Penana
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