又是一陣沉默,然後妍妍轉頭看著我問道:「呀遊。」919Please respect copyright.PENANATLh4nImJy7
919Please respect copyright.PENANAOAyXkf6gGg
「…係?」我回答。919Please respect copyright.PENANANRpkSoTc5r
919Please respect copyright.PENANAhfNhqzPjZp
「你覺得PTGF係做D咩?」919Please respect copyright.PENANAVcXqtToOhJ
919Please respect copyright.PENANA7M2LecIXOv
PDGF,是Part Time Girl Friend簡寫,老實說不是甚麼新興東西,以往的名字有很多,援交,出租女友,兼職女友,爸爸活,Sugar Daddy之類…當然,仔細劃分用字定義還是能分出差異的,但…919Please respect copyright.PENANAWhubCT2OIR
919Please respect copyright.PENANAX1lKIGwicT
「因金錢利益與男性發生關係」,這點應該不會錯。919Please respect copyright.PENANAJ0rFshvuxL
919Please respect copyright.PENANASC2GzS0Tay
妍妍看著海說:「嗯,可以咁講…雖然有D女仔堅持唔上床,只係行街睇戲食飯拖手之類,但係…」919Please respect copyright.PENANAk0L9p6uCCC
919Please respect copyright.PENANAHFiLfgOlkL
我等著她最後那句。919Please respect copyright.PENANAsWDW4fUK1f
919Please respect copyright.PENANAbQiQF30Y1D
「…我唔係個種。」妍妍說。919Please respect copyright.PENANAiBev6anIyU
919Please respect copyright.PENANATrwXCYc3Yv
「嗯,我聽緊。」我說。919Please respect copyright.PENANAuXsbxBSSz1
919Please respect copyright.PENANA6XrQ8eAh79
她看看我,似乎發現我表情眼神沒甚麼變化後似乎放鬆了一點:「我仲以為你會介意添。」919Please respect copyright.PENANAsdZP0FmL0s
919Please respect copyright.PENANAsDWIYedsXQ
我失笑:「我又唔係你邊個,有咩好介意?」919Please respect copyright.PENANAqUw44IWscA
919Please respect copyright.PENANAgQuNXcmoKl
「即係如果我同你親密D既你就會介意?」她反問。919Please respect copyright.PENANAsDOTMvaIfi
919Please respect copyright.PENANAZIuFVtg2kQ
「我唔回答假設性問題。」我擺出官腔,因為我真的不知道。919Please respect copyright.PENANA99ApdHIYnu
919Please respect copyright.PENANA2JzSuQREPG
妍妍喝一口啤酒:「不過都唔係每個男仔我都會同佢做…普通都係遊下車河,去船P,食飯個D,如果真係岩Feel同信得過既先會做。」919Please respect copyright.PENANAh8Cyi6i4rS
919Please respect copyright.PENANAAAhTbkyJaa
「咁…」919Please respect copyright.PENANAFNbt7OBIlN
919Please respect copyright.PENANAnzOu3deyZY
感覺我說甚麼也會錯。919Please respect copyright.PENANAnoiVS90ZH9
919Please respect copyright.PENANADFflH5m5zi
「之前我咪問你關於Deep-World,黑PR既事…我都係係客身上聽返黎,有錢人就有呢D門路,總之,我係想搵黑PR黎對付我唯一既個個EX 。」919Please respect copyright.PENANAMdeswldwUq
919Please respect copyright.PENANAkYAOAtbQi0
妍妍說過她是A1,即是現在單身,但曾拍過一次拖。919Please respect copyright.PENANAHRP7zWgqe2
919Please respect copyright.PENANAXfVe0EcnBK
「嗯,你講過。」919Please respect copyright.PENANARaVMMxUQ8e
919Please respect copyright.PENANAvg97rPa89i
「但我估唔到你會記住。」她說,「估唔到你會記到童桐以外既事啊?」919Please respect copyright.PENANAqWTnrsNN9u
919Please respect copyright.PENANA32CQxocn1Q
「咪笑我啦。」919Please respect copyright.PENANAcPdI1sR2Or
919Please respect copyright.PENANACFWeSTPtrx
她笑了。919Please respect copyright.PENANAXwwudfeRZe
919Please respect copyright.PENANA5P29k5iulb
「尋日係好日,佢就係尋日結婚…」妍妍看著漆黑的海說,「終於都完,感覺就好似發左場夢咁。」919Please respect copyright.PENANAOr8zZygLZG
919Please respect copyright.PENANAkxi1NW0nQl
「係好夢定惡夢?」919Please respect copyright.PENANAEglofgWE90
919Please respect copyright.PENANAd7xIn0EqbH
「…同現實比,係好夢。」她說,「同個時我地打算過既將來比,係惡夢。」919Please respect copyright.PENANARbLD1S7NRd
919Please respect copyright.PENANAMXDryeOXMs
我仔細咀嚼這一句當中的含意。919Please respect copyright.PENANA1dKDyNgEhq
919Please respect copyright.PENANARUtfErfSQg
「曾經我同你一樣啊,呀遊。」她說,「曾經我都將一個人視為全宇宙,視為我既一切,我既世界就係圍住佢轉。過去,現在,未來,都因佢而起,因佢而存在,亦因佢而有寄望。」919Please respect copyright.PENANABysQpaMNn4
919Please respect copyright.PENANA8i4dMTAGfm
雖然我猜到了個大概,但我決定沉默。919Please respect copyright.PENANASg27uUfTF0
919Please respect copyright.PENANAEkCJIrG8kK
有時候甚麼也不回應,只是陪伴,就是最好的回應。919Please respect copyright.PENANAWgU5lhPqle
919Please respect copyright.PENANAMa6UwFcn6g
「我係你身上,就好似睇到曾經既自己咁。」妍妍說。919Please respect copyright.PENANAkfMfKqMPoC
919Please respect copyright.PENANA25zqt27rCD
然後,她把頭靠到我的肩膊上。919Please respect copyright.PENANAnNHrugK1XN
919Please respect copyright.PENANAYA2fWTFf3V
「仲相信愛情,只為左一個人而活,全心,全靈,為左自己鐘意既人博盡全力去爭取,連對手係植嵐晨咁既級數既人都繼續前進。」919Please respect copyright.PENANAdLaq8AFrSD
919Please respect copyright.PENANAJsfi3PFu7Z
她一頭棕髮沿我胸膛傾瀉而下,撲鼻而來的是她頭髮的香氣夾雜海水咸味。919Please respect copyright.PENANASqNvVvkkKB
919Please respect copyright.PENANAKrw2Ut6U6v
妍妍深呼吸,然後嘆了一口氣:「唉,但…依加已經完晒,其實早就應該完,當年就應該完,係我一直放佢唔低,直到佢尋日婚都結埋…我先知道一直走唔出去既人係我,亦…只有我一個。」919Please respect copyright.PENANA37jDmNwi4t
919Please respect copyright.PENANAzc0dPeSSdy
在之前我也想像過童桐結婚而新郎不是我的畫面。919Please respect copyright.PENANAbtd6RjrXwl
919Please respect copyright.PENANAYMOFZO13zw
在之後,我連想像的勇氣也沒有。919Please respect copyright.PENANAHefS8pgT9i
919Please respect copyright.PENANAxkwSy7lcon
那是信仰的崩潰,世界的崩潰。919Please respect copyright.PENANAUGmaVs3rx9
919Please respect copyright.PENANA7bWifSkBOO
萬物的崩潰。919Please respect copyright.PENANAe3dl6i2puN
919Please respect copyright.PENANA1grUbIgmcF
「所以你分手之後做PTGF…係因為…」919Please respect copyright.PENANATfgBt6lQzj
919Please respect copyright.PENANAsRjSCBdLrR
「我以為佢會在意。」妍妍自嘲地冷笑,「至少以為佢會嬲,佢會話我污糟之類,但係…佢根本完全唔在意,我試過自己上網唱佢,佢都係理都唔理,本身至少想佢憎我,如果可以,我想佢至少憎我一世。」919Please respect copyright.PENANAUXUP9gkyyq
919Please respect copyright.PENANAWu7LMggYAt
妍妍說著說著,眼淚便靜靜的淌下。919Please respect copyright.PENANAF5mV3ed4qu
919Please respect copyright.PENANA9kQTOBZlLD
「點解…點解連憎我一世都唔可以?」妍妍哽咽地說,哭著的她全身在發抖。919Please respect copyright.PENANA68pRc3Rrs5
919Please respect copyright.PENANABxTNeIhTHv
愛的反面不是憎恨。919Please respect copyright.PENANAvIuo7kRmJP
919Please respect copyright.PENANAJYFsVAZWz3
愛的反面是徹底的無視和冷漠。919Please respect copyright.PENANAAHXdgqqM5A
919Please respect copyright.PENANAp4v0nQlLcT
不知道是不是她已經習慣了這表情,竟然連抹也不打算抹,恍如連自己也要放棄自己一樣。919Please respect copyright.PENANAaDOUnotcmx
919Please respect copyright.PENANAk6bYGFrv6a
這光景,我看過。919Please respect copyright.PENANAJ1l1whHYwD
919Please respect copyright.PENANAmfmyc41F3Z
我在曾經的自己身上看過。919Please respect copyright.PENANAsCgGrUg8d3
919Please respect copyright.PENANA2qOmsCc9hQ
「你唔應該咁對自己。」我掏出紙巾輕印她的眼淚,「始終要放下。」919Please respect copyright.PENANAjYNm82sN9Q
919Please respect copyright.PENANAyvRZXw7j4b
「我知,但我做唔到。」把頭枕在我肩上的妍妍說,「等於我叫你放下童桐一樣。」919Please respect copyright.PENANAImFBi7dZtd
919Please respect copyright.PENANAR0k34ap3SG
「無可能。」我搖頭。919Please respect copyright.PENANAbAzy34EGLZ
919Please respect copyright.PENANAYti3WRa5xL
「嗯,無可能。」她點頭。919Please respect copyright.PENANAqc7ly6zZuH
919Please respect copyright.PENANAsO6h6OFgfr
她繼續說:「一開始我只係咁自暴自棄,後來…我就覺得無所謂,點都無所謂,同唔同既男仔去玩,去蒲,做咩都好…我已經無所謂,過得一日就一日,反正又有錢收。」919Please respect copyright.PENANAvWaFxchMiY
919Please respect copyright.PENANAgGY1D17QCV
她打了個哆嗦,然後說:「既然唔知做咩好,咁樣就做咩都得。」919Please respect copyright.PENANAl3iwlJl5vI
919Please respect copyright.PENANAJW5MdriebE
失去人生目標的滋味,我倒還記憶猶新,大約幾小時前吧。919Please respect copyright.PENANAZGJWJd0fjT
919Please respect copyright.PENANAPKQLwd0eFU
而且再往前回溯,在中學畢業後的暑假我也是這樣,唯一等待的就是自己慢慢在角落腐爛,做任何事也只是因本能而行動,也不記得今天是星期幾,幾月幾日,因為沒有需要。919Please respect copyright.PENANAil6Yd7Kj3S
919Please respect copyright.PENANAzbYx3udHiY
甚麼也再沒需要了。919Please respect copyright.PENANAYrGSKASQQP
919Please respect copyright.PENANAThQtzo0t8y
妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己。919Please respect copyright.PENANAnTQwTe9KjC
919Please respect copyright.PENANAfOeygTzdgp
我也在妍妍身上看到曾經的自己。919Please respect copyright.PENANA3w28ey7Cfq
919Please respect copyright.PENANAFdH51d90N2
我把自己那時的頹然喪志和妍妍說了個大概,她同樣地靜靜的聽著,而且聽著聽著她把自己雙腳抱住,似乎好像聽到甚麼不願意回想起的事一樣。919Please respect copyright.PENANA5paKnQ9ocI
919Please respect copyright.PENANAHStV7pG66F
話畢。919Please respect copyright.PENANARLheah1aQV
919Please respect copyright.PENANABytz1K3LmJ
妍妍閉上眼思考了一會兒,然後開口說:「睇黎我黎搵你呻係正確既選擇。」919Please respect copyright.PENANAEYciBvvl9h
919Please respect copyright.PENANAce9ehPFJDv
「你想既,幾時都可以。」919Please respect copyright.PENANAkcE0fxjpnl
919Please respect copyright.PENANAZ1Q3uIUJ36
她沉默了片刻。919Please respect copyright.PENANAgU2S7lnB8a
919Please respect copyright.PENANAqkWpoxag4W
「咁你個時點走出去?」她問我。919Please respect copyright.PENANAs8QlgEdWBq
919Please respect copyright.PENANAdqfkwjdKhu
「一黎童桐唔俾我繼續摺落去喇。」我說,「二黎就係射返箭,射箭個時個人會好專心,射中靶會好有成功感,漸漸就走左出黎。」919Please respect copyright.PENANAcQuP385RxT
919Please respect copyright.PENANAe7niELCeMB
「無興趣。」她微笑說。919Please respect copyright.PENANA99opwSmiol
919Please respect copyright.PENANAN132riQa1r
「…咁點解個時你唔搵我?至少我可以好似童桐拖我出房咁樣幫你,我地細個都一齊玩過,我唔會唔理你。」我說。919Please respect copyright.PENANAmql2ahHN65
919Please respect copyright.PENANAElP1P0mWiX
「個時我都未搵返你。我地細個個時又無Facebook IG呢D。」妍妍說,「係去到情聖係TG Group臨時要女仔同你去街,我先知個個係你。」919Please respect copyright.PENANAJFLB5FMKZc
919Please respect copyright.PENANA7YhD50CtCu
「係咪…好失望?」我苦笑,「搞到要搵PTGF………雖,雖然係用黎激童桐啦,我本身都無諗住要搵PTGF,一日都係情聖自把自為,未未未未等到30歲轉生做魔法師囉…」919Please respect copyright.PENANAKyo66gCJHM
919Please respect copyright.PENANARHH75GM48S
我說到了後半句才發現自己的發言何等窩囊,馬上手忙腳亂地想修正,但是似乎愈描愈黑。919Please respect copyright.PENANAKI5nC9h2i0
919Please respect copyright.PENANAO2GiGB5Gta
「好啦,唔使解釋。」妍妍被我的慌張樣子逗笑,「你真係除左射箭咩都唔識架喎。」919Please respect copyright.PENANALvu93T8UhJ
919Please respect copyright.PENANAbCzsVIEY7M
「連你都咁講,嗚…」919Please respect copyright.PENANAXS3db7ZgC7
919Please respect copyright.PENANAF65BcG4Olm
「咁樣先係你既賣點。」妍妍輕撫我被海風吹亂的頭髮說。919Please respect copyright.PENANAER0UzmLjf9
919Please respect copyright.PENANA7wYD5nBAvB
同樣是看到我使出全力追求童桐,情聖在我身上看到自己沒有之物並覺得耀眼,而妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己並覺得懷念。919Please respect copyright.PENANA9vvJZBLxWu
919Please respect copyright.PENANA8nTmiVqMyI
我完全不覺我自己會為任何人帶來啟發,但似乎他們不這樣認為。919Please respect copyright.PENANAgYIlQMVYSR
919Please respect copyright.PENANATsIncOU5Yy
「咁你以後有咩打算?既然個個人已經連婚都結埋。」我說。919Please respect copyright.PENANAqsPOePBNOR
919Please respect copyright.PENANAq7sH9cBnLu
「……我唔知。」妍妍看著海的雙眼變得空洞,不過她還把頭靠在我肩上,我很有信心她沒有任何投海的念頭。919Please respect copyright.PENANAc3qRFCZBzJ
919Please respect copyright.PENANA8qZ5ltjCmk
然後她開口問:「你呢,如果最後童桐都係唔同你一齊,你又有咩打算?」919Please respect copyright.PENANAxiUhiE3p2B
919Please respect copyright.PENANAgqSx6vseL3
「……我唔知。」我給出和妍妍一模一樣的答案。919Please respect copyright.PENANALuzik0ZVgx
919Please respect copyright.PENANANktpTiGhFW
看來我真的沒有鼓勵人的天分,但畢竟我也自身難保嘛。919Please respect copyright.PENANA9WIAnOsfIg
919Please respect copyright.PENANAemEGoJrTxr
「……」919Please respect copyright.PENANALwWqNCt6Xx
919Please respect copyright.PENANAAXvxo7bsSj
兩個不知還可以怎樣辦的人,就這樣互相倚靠在一起,坐在海邊喝著廉價的啤酒,吹著因暑氣而帶點異味的海風。919Please respect copyright.PENANANnPaUwRlst
919Please respect copyright.PENANA3BOHcByLUR
不是甚麼事也能憑決心,憑努力去改寫的。919Please respect copyright.PENANAITr7CCU58c
919Please respect copyright.PENANA8PahxGdj9m
夏天,也到尾聲了。919Please respect copyright.PENANApB4kcmIknq