又是一陣沉默，然後妍妍轉頭看著我問道：「呀遊。」924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcMedZNNKUg
924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUoIdDgtEDv
「…係？」我回答。924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPbuBk1uzW7
924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaffPhiE9ca
「你覺得PTGF係做Ｄ咩？」924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNp0u0AOM4l
924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ18ndiCoZXr
PDGF，是Part Time Girl Friend簡寫，老實說不是甚麼新興東西，以往的名字有很多，援交，出租女友，兼職女友，爸爸活，Sugar Daddy之類…當然，仔細劃分用字定義還是能分出差異的，但…924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8vU7uzpCBI
924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYcZPqKzudR
「因金錢利益與男性發生關係」，這點應該不會錯。924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDglMzSrc3W
924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF0hZj5VUcj
妍妍看著海說：「嗯，可以咁講…雖然有Ｄ女仔堅持唔上床，只係行街睇戲食飯拖手之類，但係…」924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡse9QxxY1XQ
924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu7e5hiYLKI
我等著她最後那句。924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHkDum74FTu
924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2skAYHyAju
「…我唔係個種。」妍妍說。924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNfqVFnDmHk
924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhc65MnY4tB
「嗯，我聽緊。」我說。924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYLeW51CEZT
924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAOzXUSfv5F
她看看我，似乎發現我表情眼神沒甚麼變化後似乎放鬆了一點：「我仲以為你會介意添。」924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWmUnILplqn
924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3AzcQrSHIz
我失笑：「我又唔係你邊個，有咩好介意？」924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoPqdRd6q21
924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu2DpE6PDYN
「即係如果我同你親密Ｄ既你就會介意？」她反問。924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdouaMyb0or
924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCus7j5Wxkh
「我唔回答假設性問題。」我擺出官腔，因為我真的不知道。924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLtpAf33FHQ
924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuvdzFmpuqB
妍妍喝一口啤酒：「不過都唔係每個男仔我都會同佢做…普通都係遊下車河，去船P，食飯個Ｄ，如果真係岩Feel同信得過既先會做。」924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6R5rpfbD0P
924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡggin9uJPWP
「咁…」924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwiQgHkGmbF
924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡegsw9wdOzO
感覺我說甚麼也會錯。924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDmTmCJ7yvV
924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXgz2b5f4Gx
「之前我咪問你關於Deep-World，黑PR既事…我都係係客身上聽返黎，有錢人就有呢Ｄ門路，總之，我係想搵黑PR黎對付我唯一既個個EX 。」924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFPWSjgEH95
924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe63EnIkbi2
妍妍說過她是A1，即是現在單身，但曾拍過一次拖。924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk6b8p1uDNx
924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu06FGZ3ufg
「嗯，你講過。」924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwp8kyjJGNM
924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZFppHRSYRt
「但我估唔到你會記住。」她說，「估唔到你會記到童桐以外既事啊？」924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmeXQ23QpJQ
924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSJRI9T83Ri
「咪笑我啦。」924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8aka5PfFoS
924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvCpAGXNUIM
她笑了。924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRrYst1Scs2
924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡijTKg1s8rP
「尋日係好日，佢就係尋日結婚…」妍妍看著漆黑的海說，「終於都完，感覺就好似發左場夢咁。」924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY60uqMGGc5
924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXk0KrjqF5q
「係好夢定惡夢？」924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa28KqM2BiL
924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9TVYMB3wAM
「…同現實比，係好夢。」她說，「同個時我地打算過既將來比，係惡夢。」924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA7oSdcxUFh
924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYU5unzK6kk
我仔細咀嚼這一句當中的含意。924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfKece8OxCF
924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdcRbu3sI8W
「曾經我同你一樣啊，呀遊。」她說，「曾經我都將一個人視為全宇宙，視為我既一切，我既世界就係圍住佢轉。過去，現在，未來，都因佢而起，因佢而存在，亦因佢而有寄望。」924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNGV14qfnZI
924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk4Vs3IjOwU
雖然我猜到了個大概，但我決定沉默。924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI8HAZTAWI9
924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbFw9tPkIIW
有時候甚麼也不回應，只是陪伴，就是最好的回應。924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZKvS04zhsm
924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhpJDvfNtcp
「我係你身上，就好似睇到曾經既自己咁。」妍妍說。924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAJ0mWdB9NG
924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIpfOUWGNqx
然後，她把頭靠到我的肩膊上。924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9k4uS6kD7j
924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuSpiUALPN9
「仲相信愛情，只為左一個人而活，全心，全靈，為左自己鐘意既人博盡全力去爭取，連對手係植嵐晨咁既級數既人都繼續前進。」924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUxANdlOaiq
924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo1Ch7swYUn
她一頭棕髮沿我胸膛傾瀉而下，撲鼻而來的是她頭髮的香氣夾雜海水咸味。924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkCAjP2NyHs
924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXwzodwr7DX
妍妍深呼吸，然後嘆了一口氣：「唉，但…依加已經完晒，其實早就應該完，當年就應該完，係我一直放佢唔低，直到佢尋日婚都結埋…我先知道一直走唔出去既人係我，亦…只有我一個。」924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHt8xaqLckQ
924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkiTThQslsV
在之前我也想像過童桐結婚而新郎不是我的畫面。924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoGELiZPl6T
924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCqdqC8OZGs
在之後，我連想像的勇氣也沒有。924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡocl9mhP7pX
924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0ddZ1P5Rju
那是信仰的崩潰，世界的崩潰。924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6iVzC7ZHe6
924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgi78CRXGJ4
萬物的崩潰。924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuET2Hfv8Wz
924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1oX0OhWlcq
「所以你分手之後做PTGF…係因為…」924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpjUVqipgA7
924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRLZtQiHhln
「我以為佢會在意。」妍妍自嘲地冷笑，「至少以為佢會嬲，佢會話我污糟之類，但係…佢根本完全唔在意，我試過自己上網唱佢，佢都係理都唔理，本身至少想佢憎我，如果可以，我想佢至少憎我一世。」924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWBKc6U1oUL
924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC0lWVQLeTq
妍妍說著說著，眼淚便靜靜的淌下。924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6GjgUOJ2nd
924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8PRK9SWIgU
「點解…點解連憎我一世都唔可以？」妍妍哽咽地說，哭著的她全身在發抖。924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaKJylDFuWB
924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHcALersXQD
愛的反面不是憎恨。924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPqbiOdGG7d
924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw69k0BPZcl
愛的反面是徹底的無視和冷漠。924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9RBsTVEOCD
924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhULFSIhvAD
不知道是不是她已經習慣了這表情，竟然連抹也不打算抹，恍如連自己也要放棄自己一樣。924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY6KzYdWN9j
924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8OAFXkB9fC
這光景，我看過。924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBPyx8TeQ02
924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9C6TZeuwRq
我在曾經的自己身上看過。924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmuVNODjdhg
924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzlFWlL3IKr
「你唔應該咁對自己。」我掏出紙巾輕印她的眼淚，「始終要放下。」924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj5g9TIKC92
924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8LzkF05OV4
「我知，但我做唔到。」把頭枕在我肩上的妍妍說，「等於我叫你放下童桐一樣。」924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbwqaDoDYuB
924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8DgSnWOHhz
「無可能。」我搖頭。924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPybWnpXo7i
924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLwdutRjM7l
「嗯，無可能。」她點頭。924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnuSXLRq8PR
924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrb0ghCGpUw
她繼續說：「一開始我只係咁自暴自棄，後來…我就覺得無所謂，點都無所謂，同唔同既男仔去玩，去蒲，做咩都好…我已經無所謂，過得一日就一日，反正又有錢收。」924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuzyHgQNnN8
924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNTvW7vlGcN
她打了個哆嗦，然後說：「既然唔知做咩好，咁樣就做咩都得。」924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡevXSSy6Km5
924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhDLRYmAsxE
失去人生目標的滋味，我倒還記憶猶新，大約幾小時前吧。924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcrB9FFnOjC
924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1JXLBpq4tM
而且再往前回溯，在中學畢業後的暑假我也是這樣，唯一等待的就是自己慢慢在角落腐爛，做任何事也只是因本能而行動，也不記得今天是星期幾，幾月幾日，因為沒有需要。924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaWE6Setxkj
924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkO3enYXofa
甚麼也再沒需要了。924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhdNGAyGt34
924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Ox1FHqVO6
妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己。924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkpIeprtctJ
924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkrr513yalu
我也在妍妍身上看到曾經的自己。924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTxpFwFgkEm
924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuDJnOkaE42
我把自己那時的頹然喪志和妍妍說了個大概，她同樣地靜靜的聽著，而且聽著聽著她把自己雙腳抱住，似乎好像聽到甚麼不願意回想起的事一樣。924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq3ZiJQhknX
924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9PuVER4Ce8
話畢。924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNNOuRijAlE
924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ88GAI2CbcU
妍妍閉上眼思考了一會兒，然後開口說：「睇黎我黎搵你呻係正確既選擇。」924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtZKaJJa2oM
924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRl8rn31RAU
「你想既，幾時都可以。」924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7sxVtqYKlN
924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVes8desOa6
她沉默了片刻。924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPjSKSLMSnT
924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVvQGGOiZxR
「咁你個時點走出去？」她問我。924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkMDXnDfq05
924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHymeHeDwYF
「一黎童桐唔俾我繼續摺落去喇。」我說，「二黎就係射返箭，射箭個時個人會好專心，射中靶會好有成功感，漸漸就走左出黎。」924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtGzcuMNr2C
924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlWfWUX5I43
「無興趣。」她微笑說。924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVI8Y39lKBu
924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCJ5YCkXItz
「…咁點解個時你唔搵我？至少我可以好似童桐拖我出房咁樣幫你，我地細個都一齊玩過，我唔會唔理你。」我說。924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH8jbdJ0LoE
924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3VBuklX6LW
「個時我都未搵返你。我地細個個時又無Facebook IG呢Ｄ。」妍妍說，「係去到情聖係TG Group臨時要女仔同你去街，我先知個個係你。」924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd42bZtECXo
924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5GlD9ipgw2
「係咪…好失望？」我苦笑，「搞到要搵PTGF………雖，雖然係用黎激童桐啦，我本身都無諗住要搵PTGF，一日都係情聖自把自為，未未未未等到30歲轉生做魔法師囉…」924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyrixRCYkTe
924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIKlqCf8wbX
我說到了後半句才發現自己的發言何等窩囊，馬上手忙腳亂地想修正，但是似乎愈描愈黑。924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡENPQPol0F4
924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0OJBeK9XHo
「好啦，唔使解釋。」妍妍被我的慌張樣子逗笑，「你真係除左射箭咩都唔識架喎。」924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGOZJlnncZJ
924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzvzCknoOGi
「連你都咁講，嗚…」924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHIUfUK97o1
924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM2qb4OpBQ8
「咁樣先係你既賣點。」妍妍輕撫我被海風吹亂的頭髮說。924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6FmyfQpnkD
924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIrZBfowiT7
同樣是看到我使出全力追求童桐，情聖在我身上看到自己沒有之物並覺得耀眼，而妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己並覺得懷念。924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxFWHEUcQZK
924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDLrI6hbuyb
我完全不覺我自己會為任何人帶來啟發，但似乎他們不這樣認為。924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSeC59hK39M
924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJwobbP64x3
「咁你以後有咩打算？既然個個人已經連婚都結埋。」我說。924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN8w0t0Y8j1
924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbAQK2oYxPF
「……我唔知。」妍妍看著海的雙眼變得空洞，不過她還把頭靠在我肩上，我很有信心她沒有任何投海的念頭。924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdEGFse5oZr
924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwcBGV1OWBX
然後她開口問：「你呢，如果最後童桐都係唔同你一齊，你又有咩打算？」924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTOdRWBDExX
924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAeuxfxfzTj
「……我唔知。」我給出和妍妍一模一樣的答案。924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtjyDOHinEp
924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEHz00o8IdG
看來我真的沒有鼓勵人的天分，但畢竟我也自身難保嘛。924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPF5eeBXuiy
924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaHed9LETko
「……」924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaya93mEEHi
924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGkvK6iVuWd
兩個不知還可以怎樣辦的人，就這樣互相倚靠在一起，坐在海邊喝著廉價的啤酒，吹著因暑氣而帶點異味的海風。924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOCzbVkgpr7
924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgah0MUzbvm
不是甚麼事也能憑決心，憑努力去改寫的。924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSeVwSs8N9U
924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwyfuYKZOAd
夏天，也到尾聲了。924Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH6GSRvI195
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