又是一陣沉默，然後妍妍轉頭看著我問道：「呀遊。」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO4KaInn5JD
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCJJwGyam0v
「…係？」我回答。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3tBWQM4qgS
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMOSqWJERos
「你覺得PTGF係做Ｄ咩？」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhFAkCc0lrE
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmsdiunrO0U
PDGF，是Part Time Girl Friend簡寫，老實說不是甚麼新興東西，以往的名字有很多，援交，出租女友，兼職女友，爸爸活，Sugar Daddy之類…當然，仔細劃分用字定義還是能分出差異的，但…922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkQQVYRt1y2
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiTkdeGbSfT
「因金錢利益與男性發生關係」，這點應該不會錯。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3QTPhQYZZ9
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmPDWag7rup
妍妍看著海說：「嗯，可以咁講…雖然有Ｄ女仔堅持唔上床，只係行街睇戲食飯拖手之類，但係…」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ0pP8VrZGU
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd4PnvGWfrF
我等著她最後那句。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ6yQtJXRmK
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEtYPWeYvRj
「…我唔係個種。」妍妍說。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ91guoORfbD
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHCw6ALZ65e
「嗯，我聽緊。」我說。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeQyPK5Nzdq
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2WKZR08Y1D
她看看我，似乎發現我表情眼神沒甚麼變化後似乎放鬆了一點：「我仲以為你會介意添。」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmKbTpFidPY
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLXfaOlZee7
我失笑：「我又唔係你邊個，有咩好介意？」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8UQzEJh07E
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVn3ilMIwC9
「即係如果我同你親密Ｄ既你就會介意？」她反問。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjin1zPCTOX
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXuMwiCBb88
「我唔回答假設性問題。」我擺出官腔，因為我真的不知道。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaTvYxBz9SP
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmdEih3AzyB
妍妍喝一口啤酒：「不過都唔係每個男仔我都會同佢做…普通都係遊下車河，去船P，食飯個Ｄ，如果真係岩Feel同信得過既先會做。」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHFv61CKaHv
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7DCUcWvgFj
「咁…」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPJWvoWslUB
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCdX4wL9lB0
感覺我說甚麼也會錯。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡngWuo0SdAx
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD6W6eWWHSl
「之前我咪問你關於Deep-World，黑PR既事…我都係係客身上聽返黎，有錢人就有呢Ｄ門路，總之，我係想搵黑PR黎對付我唯一既個個EX 。」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡir8LJr3Ez5
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwtYeOGp9yy
妍妍說過她是A1，即是現在單身，但曾拍過一次拖。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCTPkR2UE2K
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1gNL48Jgf8
「嗯，你講過。」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAM7l4S6CyC
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgH1R1mm3fP
「但我估唔到你會記住。」她說，「估唔到你會記到童桐以外既事啊？」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGkorVq0L24
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZaa0W0SJZI
「咪笑我啦。」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6RtbQJ1kYj
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR5kYpgBEPt
她笑了。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2zEaTE5MQv
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmpBrVybVg3
「尋日係好日，佢就係尋日結婚…」妍妍看著漆黑的海說，「終於都完，感覺就好似發左場夢咁。」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZGJ7kgTghX
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIUazQwsEh9
「係好夢定惡夢？」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxudy2UqF7H
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUlcYkaqd3Q
「…同現實比，係好夢。」她說，「同個時我地打算過既將來比，係惡夢。」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDlX1AKmvdX
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB3uWVzyrdv
我仔細咀嚼這一句當中的含意。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe10Q7IZWAy
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTknaCLC493
「曾經我同你一樣啊，呀遊。」她說，「曾經我都將一個人視為全宇宙，視為我既一切，我既世界就係圍住佢轉。過去，現在，未來，都因佢而起，因佢而存在，亦因佢而有寄望。」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzorwkDOwph
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDam258PgxS
雖然我猜到了個大概，但我決定沉默。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA6RB47jTJI
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQpUkCNHQ7m
有時候甚麼也不回應，只是陪伴，就是最好的回應。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC4QL8mQK3S
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3kK5xDcp4z
「我係你身上，就好似睇到曾經既自己咁。」妍妍說。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSPE6B8U1Kk
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM2hWIwxrhW
然後，她把頭靠到我的肩膊上。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1nTUuGO7hr
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh39He5laYV
「仲相信愛情，只為左一個人而活，全心，全靈，為左自己鐘意既人博盡全力去爭取，連對手係植嵐晨咁既級數既人都繼續前進。」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW3X88a1l1D
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVdqmkbKCXg
她一頭棕髮沿我胸膛傾瀉而下，撲鼻而來的是她頭髮的香氣夾雜海水咸味。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEntKBBQKEw
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxDXRErswtB
妍妍深呼吸，然後嘆了一口氣：「唉，但…依加已經完晒，其實早就應該完，當年就應該完，係我一直放佢唔低，直到佢尋日婚都結埋…我先知道一直走唔出去既人係我，亦…只有我一個。」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgyOL5Z3T1V
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTlf2WQDPrA
在之前我也想像過童桐結婚而新郎不是我的畫面。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ84Io6VU8Rj
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUfLEAPBOc6
在之後，我連想像的勇氣也沒有。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkxgEQncfL0
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEh5dDDhwn5
那是信仰的崩潰，世界的崩潰。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiNs3MEmKAR
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMWOuotue68
萬物的崩潰。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQWY6fOGQn3
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUWGClNNy5W
「所以你分手之後做PTGF…係因為…」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKPJgnwlzB2
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHSIJyKMf3j
「我以為佢會在意。」妍妍自嘲地冷笑，「至少以為佢會嬲，佢會話我污糟之類，但係…佢根本完全唔在意，我試過自己上網唱佢，佢都係理都唔理，本身至少想佢憎我，如果可以，我想佢至少憎我一世。」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTdkk1iXt6l
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaqzlIlhnag
妍妍說著說著，眼淚便靜靜的淌下。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLaTXDodOLG
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEJTjXMzOsB
「點解…點解連憎我一世都唔可以？」妍妍哽咽地說，哭著的她全身在發抖。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4KoSiVWvr3
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkq0voWSKOj
愛的反面不是憎恨。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3IPD4899Vp
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbUfmH8Dy7t
愛的反面是徹底的無視和冷漠。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJf00AvRFd9
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqQnZ2nAE4N
不知道是不是她已經習慣了這表情，竟然連抹也不打算抹，恍如連自己也要放棄自己一樣。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRiWEBqRkRx
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPizd3crToR
這光景，我看過。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0hqnxtF4Lk
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFwCxrkEPEk
我在曾經的自己身上看過。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdCeeJQYC6a
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAyauO3lWBG
「你唔應該咁對自己。」我掏出紙巾輕印她的眼淚，「始終要放下。」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNR9msElJgg
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJcunt8LLWq
「我知，但我做唔到。」把頭枕在我肩上的妍妍說，「等於我叫你放下童桐一樣。」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzOlLOgT4Ec
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbhRo3xnUC2
「無可能。」我搖頭。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZWWj0IpBgb
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvohSX2pHDu
「嗯，無可能。」她點頭。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqoAUdnETqu
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡreoVNJHaPN
她繼續說：「一開始我只係咁自暴自棄，後來…我就覺得無所謂，點都無所謂，同唔同既男仔去玩，去蒲，做咩都好…我已經無所謂，過得一日就一日，反正又有錢收。」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhtEuuyH9PK
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL52hg6M69f
她打了個哆嗦，然後說：「既然唔知做咩好，咁樣就做咩都得。」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB08uOzcAek
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡljMFI9NZ0d
失去人生目標的滋味，我倒還記憶猶新，大約幾小時前吧。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1rPmFikLR1
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2dtAi1oqYi
而且再往前回溯，在中學畢業後的暑假我也是這樣，唯一等待的就是自己慢慢在角落腐爛，做任何事也只是因本能而行動，也不記得今天是星期幾，幾月幾日，因為沒有需要。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXkadNCI786
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHt8WRz6eUn
甚麼也再沒需要了。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ27jvQxzFnU
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhLh1G63gvG
妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmlFwRuYr3o
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuGhBUdg8K6
我也在妍妍身上看到曾經的自己。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcMMy8lw6PS
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ8ht8cKv3G
我把自己那時的頹然喪志和妍妍說了個大概，她同樣地靜靜的聽著，而且聽著聽著她把自己雙腳抱住，似乎好像聽到甚麼不願意回想起的事一樣。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn5OUIzftbI
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqFAl9vD8xr
話畢。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgd5RfBDt3U
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZse74Hr9YL
妍妍閉上眼思考了一會兒，然後開口說：「睇黎我黎搵你呻係正確既選擇。」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡapUdPYvzZo
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcUm12IiXBa
「你想既，幾時都可以。」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡloGM0vBBsV
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXpyu8rhTLz
她沉默了片刻。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqOnyQz7cfn
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQpXEsk8cQY
「咁你個時點走出去？」她問我。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmPbW0PuYAd
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFAXSd7JjeK
「一黎童桐唔俾我繼續摺落去喇。」我說，「二黎就係射返箭，射箭個時個人會好專心，射中靶會好有成功感，漸漸就走左出黎。」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXEAKORdFBn
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTYwvSIxejh
「無興趣。」她微笑說。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ19G6mrU37J
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9FyeSP1mxn
「…咁點解個時你唔搵我？至少我可以好似童桐拖我出房咁樣幫你，我地細個都一齊玩過，我唔會唔理你。」我說。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVNyLvoxbZU
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQCSt0vDPGC
「個時我都未搵返你。我地細個個時又無Facebook IG呢Ｄ。」妍妍說，「係去到情聖係TG Group臨時要女仔同你去街，我先知個個係你。」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwTTjfrp5Yq
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWrp9ZoEMBU
「係咪…好失望？」我苦笑，「搞到要搵PTGF………雖，雖然係用黎激童桐啦，我本身都無諗住要搵PTGF，一日都係情聖自把自為，未未未未等到30歲轉生做魔法師囉…」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdlEEvUtiSt
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaiYXbiMy3n
我說到了後半句才發現自己的發言何等窩囊，馬上手忙腳亂地想修正，但是似乎愈描愈黑。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq2au0hExGI
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7E2j2vpaH4
「好啦，唔使解釋。」妍妍被我的慌張樣子逗笑，「你真係除左射箭咩都唔識架喎。」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjYBo15gycA
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4ZPW3fhlGk
「連你都咁講，嗚…」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1mDdV47r9A
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzQUqHmTYOI
「咁樣先係你既賣點。」妍妍輕撫我被海風吹亂的頭髮說。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHGFWLWvDJ4
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡswdhtaPf0y
同樣是看到我使出全力追求童桐，情聖在我身上看到自己沒有之物並覺得耀眼，而妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己並覺得懷念。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡojQ22oXUCx
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡquGmX7jVUx
我完全不覺我自己會為任何人帶來啟發，但似乎他們不這樣認為。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMkoR612MCK
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCw5mhAR6Uh
「咁你以後有咩打算？既然個個人已經連婚都結埋。」我說。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡThxeqM2udw
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwqnqxMkVXc
「……我唔知。」妍妍看著海的雙眼變得空洞，不過她還把頭靠在我肩上，我很有信心她沒有任何投海的念頭。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyMHWEG5g2V
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlAa4PkPYRy
然後她開口問：「你呢，如果最後童桐都係唔同你一齊，你又有咩打算？」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡocx6PEluyg
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1PhzMV0xoQ
「……我唔知。」我給出和妍妍一模一樣的答案。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxROaaAelUr
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcJBIq53UI8
看來我真的沒有鼓勵人的天分，但畢竟我也自身難保嘛。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF66kNONbSg
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4hrTzTOZ1o
「……」922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvUhamK9Sjn
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0VP4DDbh6e
兩個不知還可以怎樣辦的人，就這樣互相倚靠在一起，坐在海邊喝著廉價的啤酒，吹著因暑氣而帶點異味的海風。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzlOYx8cTV9
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjJwF0Wp0zT
不是甚麼事也能憑決心，憑努力去改寫的。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmd0diD7vrt
922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP9KdOrRdiA
夏天，也到尾聲了。922Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFC42tAWkp3
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