又是一陣沉默，然後妍妍轉頭看著我問道：「呀遊。」919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTLh4nImJy7
919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOAyXkf6gGg
「…係？」我回答。919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNRpkSoTc5r
919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhfNhqzPjZp
「你覺得PTGF係做Ｄ咩？」919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVcXqtToOhJ
919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7M2LecIXOv
PDGF，是Part Time Girl Friend簡寫，老實說不是甚麼新興東西，以往的名字有很多，援交，出租女友，兼職女友，爸爸活，Sugar Daddy之類…當然，仔細劃分用字定義還是能分出差異的，但…919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWhubCT2OIR
919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX1lKIGwicT
「因金錢利益與男性發生關係」，這點應該不會錯。919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ0rFshvuxL
919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSC2GzS0Tay
妍妍看著海說：「嗯，可以咁講…雖然有Ｄ女仔堅持唔上床，只係行街睇戲食飯拖手之類，但係…」919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk0L9p6uCCC
919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHFiLfgOlkL
我等著她最後那句。919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsWDW4fUK1f
919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbQiQF30Y1D
「…我唔係個種。」妍妍說。919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiBev6anIyU
919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTrwXCYc3Yv
「嗯，我聽緊。」我說。919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuXsbxBSSz1
919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6XrQ8eAh79
她看看我，似乎發現我表情眼神沒甚麼變化後似乎放鬆了一點：「我仲以為你會介意添。」919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsdZP0FmL0s
919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsDWIYedsXQ
我失笑：「我又唔係你邊個，有咩好介意？」919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqUw44IWscA
919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgQuNXcmoKl
「即係如果我同你親密Ｄ既你就會介意？」她反問。919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsDOTMvaIfi
919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZIuFVtg2kQ
「我唔回答假設性問題。」我擺出官腔，因為我真的不知道。919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ99ApdHIYnu
919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2JzSuQREPG
妍妍喝一口啤酒：「不過都唔係每個男仔我都會同佢做…普通都係遊下車河，去船P，食飯個Ｄ，如果真係岩Feel同信得過既先會做。」919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh8Cyi6i4rS
919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAAhTbkyJaa
「咁…」919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFNbt7OBIlN
919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnzOu3deyZY
感覺我說甚麼也會錯。919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnoiVS90ZH9
919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDFflH5m5zi
「之前我咪問你關於Deep-World，黑PR既事…我都係係客身上聽返黎，有錢人就有呢Ｄ門路，總之，我係想搵黑PR黎對付我唯一既個個EX 。」919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMdeswldwUq
919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkYAOAtbQi0
妍妍說過她是A1，即是現在單身，但曾拍過一次拖。919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHRP7zWgqe2
919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXfVe0EcnBK
「嗯，你講過。」919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRaVMMxUQ8e
919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvg97rPa89i
「但我估唔到你會記住。」她說，「估唔到你會記到童桐以外既事啊？」919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqWTnrsNN9u
919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ32CQxocn1Q
「咪笑我啦。」919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcPdI1sR2Or
919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCFWeSTPtrx
她笑了。919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXwwudfeRZe
919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5P29k5iulb
「尋日係好日，佢就係尋日結婚…」妍妍看著漆黑的海說，「終於都完，感覺就好似發左場夢咁。」919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOr8zZygLZG
919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkxi1NW0nQl
「係好夢定惡夢？」919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEglofgWE90
919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd7xIn0EqbH
「…同現實比，係好夢。」她說，「同個時我地打算過既將來比，係惡夢。」919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRbLD1S7NRd
919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMXDryeOXMs
我仔細咀嚼這一句當中的含意。919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1dKDyNgEhq
919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRUtfErfSQg
「曾經我同你一樣啊，呀遊。」她說，「曾經我都將一個人視為全宇宙，視為我既一切，我既世界就係圍住佢轉。過去，現在，未來，都因佢而起，因佢而存在，亦因佢而有寄望。」919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBysQpaMNn4
919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8i4dMTAGfm
雖然我猜到了個大概，但我決定沉默。919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSg27uUfTF0
919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEkCJIrG8kK
有時候甚麼也不回應，只是陪伴，就是最好的回應。919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWgU5lhPqle
919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMa6UwFcn6g
「我係你身上，就好似睇到曾經既自己咁。」妍妍說。919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkfMfKqMPoC
919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ25zqt27rCD
然後，她把頭靠到我的肩膊上。919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnNHrugK1XN
919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYA2fWTFf3V
「仲相信愛情，只為左一個人而活，全心，全靈，為左自己鐘意既人博盡全力去爭取，連對手係植嵐晨咁既級數既人都繼續前進。」919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdLaq8AFrSD
919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJsfi3PFu7Z
她一頭棕髮沿我胸膛傾瀉而下，撲鼻而來的是她頭髮的香氣夾雜海水咸味。919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSqNvVvkkKB
919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKrw2Ut6U6v
妍妍深呼吸，然後嘆了一口氣：「唉，但…依加已經完晒，其實早就應該完，當年就應該完，係我一直放佢唔低，直到佢尋日婚都結埋…我先知道一直走唔出去既人係我，亦…只有我一個。」919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ37jDmNwi4t
919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzc0dPeSSdy
在之前我也想像過童桐結婚而新郎不是我的畫面。919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbtd6RjrXwl
919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYMOFZO13zw
在之後，我連想像的勇氣也沒有。919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHefS8pgT9i
919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxkwSy7lcon
那是信仰的崩潰，世界的崩潰。919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUGmaVs3rx9
919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7bWifSkBOO
萬物的崩潰。919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe3dl6i2puN
919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1grUbIgmcF
「所以你分手之後做PTGF…係因為…」919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTfgBt6lQzj
919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsRjSCBdLrR
「我以為佢會在意。」妍妍自嘲地冷笑，「至少以為佢會嬲，佢會話我污糟之類，但係…佢根本完全唔在意，我試過自己上網唱佢，佢都係理都唔理，本身至少想佢憎我，如果可以，我想佢至少憎我一世。」919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUXUP9gkyyq
919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWu7LMggYAt
妍妍說著說著，眼淚便靜靜的淌下。919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF5mV3ed4qu
919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9kQTOBZlLD
「點解…點解連憎我一世都唔可以？」妍妍哽咽地說，哭著的她全身在發抖。919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ68pRc3Rrs5
919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBxTNeIhTHv
愛的反面不是憎恨。919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvIuo7kRmJP
919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJYFsVAZWz3
愛的反面是徹底的無視和冷漠。919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAHXdgqqM5A
919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp4v0nQlLcT
不知道是不是她已經習慣了這表情，竟然連抹也不打算抹，恍如連自己也要放棄自己一樣。919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaDOUnotcmx
919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk6bYGFrv6a
這光景，我看過。919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ1l1whHYwD
919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmfmyc41F3Z
我在曾經的自己身上看過。919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsCgGrUg8d3
919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2qOmsCc9hQ
「你唔應該咁對自己。」我掏出紙巾輕印她的眼淚，「始終要放下。」919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjYNm82sN9Q
919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyvRZXw7j4b
「我知，但我做唔到。」把頭枕在我肩上的妍妍說，「等於我叫你放下童桐一樣。」919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡImFBi7dZtd
919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR0k34ap3SG
「無可能。」我搖頭。919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbAzy34EGLZ
919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYti3WRa5xL
「嗯，無可能。」她點頭。919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqc7ly6zZuH
919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsO6h6OFgfr
她繼續說：「一開始我只係咁自暴自棄，後來…我就覺得無所謂，點都無所謂，同唔同既男仔去玩，去蒲，做咩都好…我已經無所謂，過得一日就一日，反正又有錢收。」919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvWaFxchMiY
919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgGY1D17QCV
她打了個哆嗦，然後說：「既然唔知做咩好，咁樣就做咩都得。」919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl3iwlJl5vI
919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJW5MdriebE
失去人生目標的滋味，我倒還記憶猶新，大約幾小時前吧。919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZGJWJd0fjT
919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPKQLwd0eFU
而且再往前回溯，在中學畢業後的暑假我也是這樣，唯一等待的就是自己慢慢在角落腐爛，做任何事也只是因本能而行動，也不記得今天是星期幾，幾月幾日，因為沒有需要。919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡil6Yd7Kj3S
919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzbYx3udHiY
甚麼也再沒需要了。919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYrGSKASQQP
919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡThQtzo0t8y
妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己。919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnTQwTe9KjC
919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfOeygTzdgp
我也在妍妍身上看到曾經的自己。919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3w28ey7Cfq
919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFdH51d90N2
我把自己那時的頹然喪志和妍妍說了個大概，她同樣地靜靜的聽著，而且聽著聽著她把自己雙腳抱住，似乎好像聽到甚麼不願意回想起的事一樣。919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5paKnQ9ocI
919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHStV7pG66F
話畢。919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRLheah1aQV
919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBytz1K3LmJ
妍妍閉上眼思考了一會兒，然後開口說：「睇黎我黎搵你呻係正確既選擇。」919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEYciBvvl9h
919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡce9ehPFJDv
「你想既，幾時都可以。」919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkcE0fxjpnl
919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ1Q3uIUJ36
她沉默了片刻。919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgU2S7lnB8a
919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqkWpoxag4W
「咁你個時點走出去？」她問我。919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs8QlgEdWBq
919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdqfkwjdKhu
「一黎童桐唔俾我繼續摺落去喇。」我說，「二黎就係射返箭，射箭個時個人會好專心，射中靶會好有成功感，漸漸就走左出黎。」919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcQuP385RxT
919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe7niELCeMB
「無興趣。」她微笑說。919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ99opwSmiol
919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN132riQa1r
「…咁點解個時你唔搵我？至少我可以好似童桐拖我出房咁樣幫你，我地細個都一齊玩過，我唔會唔理你。」我說。919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmql2ahHN65
919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡElP1P0mWiX
「個時我都未搵返你。我地細個個時又無Facebook IG呢Ｄ。」妍妍說，「係去到情聖係TG Group臨時要女仔同你去街，我先知個個係你。」919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJFLB5FMKZc
919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7YhD50CtCu
「係咪…好失望？」我苦笑，「搞到要搵PTGF………雖，雖然係用黎激童桐啦，我本身都無諗住要搵PTGF，一日都係情聖自把自為，未未未未等到30歲轉生做魔法師囉…」919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKyo66gCJHM
919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRHH75GM48S
我說到了後半句才發現自己的發言何等窩囊，馬上手忙腳亂地想修正，但是似乎愈描愈黑。919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKI5nC9h2i0
919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO2GiGB5Gta
「好啦，唔使解釋。」妍妍被我的慌張樣子逗笑，「你真係除左射箭咩都唔識架喎。」919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLvu93T8UhJ
919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbCzsVIEY7M
「連你都咁講，嗚…」919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXS3db7ZgC7
919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF65BcG4Olm
「咁樣先係你既賣點。」妍妍輕撫我被海風吹亂的頭髮說。919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡER0UzmLjf9
919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7wYD5nBAvB
同樣是看到我使出全力追求童桐，情聖在我身上看到自己沒有之物並覺得耀眼，而妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己並覺得懷念。919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9vvJZBLxWu
919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8nTmiVqMyI
我完全不覺我自己會為任何人帶來啟發，但似乎他們不這樣認為。919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgYIlQMVYSR
919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTsIncOU5Yy
「咁你以後有咩打算？既然個個人已經連婚都結埋。」我說。919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqsPOePBNOR
919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq7sH9cBnLu
「……我唔知。」妍妍看著海的雙眼變得空洞，不過她還把頭靠在我肩上，我很有信心她沒有任何投海的念頭。919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc3qRFCZBzJ
919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8qZ5ltjCmk
然後她開口問：「你呢，如果最後童桐都係唔同你一齊，你又有咩打算？」919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxiUhiE3p2B
919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgqSx6vseL3
「……我唔知。」我給出和妍妍一模一樣的答案。919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLuzik0ZVgx
919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNktpTiGhFW
看來我真的沒有鼓勵人的天分，但畢竟我也自身難保嘛。919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9WIAnOsfIg
919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡemEGoJrTxr
「……」919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLwWqNCt6Xx
919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAXvxo7bsSj
兩個不知還可以怎樣辦的人，就這樣互相倚靠在一起，坐在海邊喝著廉價的啤酒，吹著因暑氣而帶點異味的海風。919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNnPaUwRlst
919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3BOHcByLUR
不是甚麼事也能憑決心，憑努力去改寫的。919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡITr7CCU58c
919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8PahxGdj9m
夏天，也到尾聲了。919Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpB4kcmIknq
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