又是一陣沉默，然後妍妍轉頭看著我問道：「呀遊。」870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZGEYqz4y0c
870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm5u63xqsuo
「…係？」我回答。870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGcBupJXD32
870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOZInBeGdm6
「你覺得PTGF係做Ｄ咩？」870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkhhlWWwMOI
870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgEz9SCLnSJ
PDGF，是Part Time Girl Friend簡寫，老實說不是甚麼新興東西，以往的名字有很多，援交，出租女友，兼職女友，爸爸活，Sugar Daddy之類…當然，仔細劃分用字定義還是能分出差異的，但…870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJKzPN9XfSk
870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmW3KXh6AXk
「因金錢利益與男性發生關係」，這點應該不會錯。870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5TbYI0Xu8C
870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrZ3MIDgSSM
妍妍看著海說：「嗯，可以咁講…雖然有Ｄ女仔堅持唔上床，只係行街睇戲食飯拖手之類，但係…」870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYGAIq44UvZ
870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnDI9jHriFt
我等著她最後那句。870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiwqaKDzbBq
870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwzhVsdgdXz
「…我唔係個種。」妍妍說。870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡksjliwOvir
870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwEk1JEd3CU
「嗯，我聽緊。」我說。870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvjBgoEhT0p
870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Ih1iF3osu
她看看我，似乎發現我表情眼神沒甚麼變化後似乎放鬆了一點：「我仲以為你會介意添。」870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn7CN9EQjMl
870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0sD6oYO37r
我失笑：「我又唔係你邊個，有咩好介意？」870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsZpxtpbjAv
870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGJMgQW6dc7
「即係如果我同你親密Ｄ既你就會介意？」她反問。870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ41Sbq17kQI
870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi2RrPAijgz
「我唔回答假設性問題。」我擺出官腔，因為我真的不知道。870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOcIhFYm5Wh
870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuNgeO7UMTI
妍妍喝一口啤酒：「不過都唔係每個男仔我都會同佢做…普通都係遊下車河，去船P，食飯個Ｄ，如果真係岩Feel同信得過既先會做。」870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMTuibAZG0s
870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5f4tg8YFN5
「咁…」870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGWLDKNMxZl
870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT88d6kfCZi
感覺我說甚麼也會錯。870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkpsbtXvO1U
870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnatAl2Qnhy
「之前我咪問你關於Deep-World，黑PR既事…我都係係客身上聽返黎，有錢人就有呢Ｄ門路，總之，我係想搵黑PR黎對付我唯一既個個EX 。」870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxOoSyxbXKh
870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡinqkoThdUD
妍妍說過她是A1，即是現在單身，但曾拍過一次拖。870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8JTrG2Aeo3
870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU7ASfBfZOC
「嗯，你講過。」870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNO1Y4zLQmz
870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwue80bFwe4
「但我估唔到你會記住。」她說，「估唔到你會記到童桐以外既事啊？」870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbQ07Owmiwv
870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡepbyUsdthk
「咪笑我啦。」870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHNZVZFQeGh
870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEaUsiqJyFZ
她笑了。870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfX9fk7Lghg
870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSAJRwYwhl4
「尋日係好日，佢就係尋日結婚…」妍妍看著漆黑的海說，「終於都完，感覺就好似發左場夢咁。」870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDlKftOSsWP
870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ76Y0i5Cmcf
「係好夢定惡夢？」870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn46s2SdsHb
870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuUzoEUxsod
「…同現實比，係好夢。」她說，「同個時我地打算過既將來比，係惡夢。」870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvG3azXjFWN
870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ57XXCJtq29
我仔細咀嚼這一句當中的含意。870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrKjq8gpXyQ
870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoIpLyrItCK
「曾經我同你一樣啊，呀遊。」她說，「曾經我都將一個人視為全宇宙，視為我既一切，我既世界就係圍住佢轉。過去，現在，未來，都因佢而起，因佢而存在，亦因佢而有寄望。」870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnlXFV6pWfY
870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3ukSIXV0d8
雖然我猜到了個大概，但我決定沉默。870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnsJWTBUf5Y
870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfW9CzZ1WGV
有時候甚麼也不回應，只是陪伴，就是最好的回應。870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡElenkh51YB
870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6P2ryuGIpz
「我係你身上，就好似睇到曾經既自己咁。」妍妍說。870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD5FUGHRahB
870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfdrKFQ2ytT
然後，她把頭靠到我的肩膊上。870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnfR3F6H4Od
870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNQMvUL0jA2
「仲相信愛情，只為左一個人而活，全心，全靈，為左自己鐘意既人博盡全力去爭取，連對手係植嵐晨咁既級數既人都繼續前進。」870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNyUdSm3mtD
870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡua8QZdGAUr
她一頭棕髮沿我胸膛傾瀉而下，撲鼻而來的是她頭髮的香氣夾雜海水咸味。870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnk6rWvm0g2
870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0lwTMjeQtK
妍妍深呼吸，然後嘆了一口氣：「唉，但…依加已經完晒，其實早就應該完，當年就應該完，係我一直放佢唔低，直到佢尋日婚都結埋…我先知道一直走唔出去既人係我，亦…只有我一個。」870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa5GiqvSnOn
870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGqYYfxBe8x
在之前我也想像過童桐結婚而新郎不是我的畫面。870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwZ6kgwlRfQ
870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRrRNi9mnGj
在之後，我連想像的勇氣也沒有。870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7rg35LcJwg
870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRIp0qAyucl
那是信仰的崩潰，世界的崩潰。870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcRa9qaeclX
870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRunqLCswqP
萬物的崩潰。870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAQPXMUER4W
870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBilVjf0Zsw
「所以你分手之後做PTGF…係因為…」870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡht0fRnaKrc
870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtIQoynVmId
「我以為佢會在意。」妍妍自嘲地冷笑，「至少以為佢會嬲，佢會話我污糟之類，但係…佢根本完全唔在意，我試過自己上網唱佢，佢都係理都唔理，本身至少想佢憎我，如果可以，我想佢至少憎我一世。」870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqoZ3L4qsUs
870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkacti1ia4s
妍妍說著說著，眼淚便靜靜的淌下。870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHWufhQVMzu
870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzL4Pg4TcNf
「點解…點解連憎我一世都唔可以？」妍妍哽咽地說，哭著的她全身在發抖。870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHDYyGlxzNv
870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzFccLdtOsG
愛的反面不是憎恨。870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8V8mtSgP4C
870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpFiglg4w7w
愛的反面是徹底的無視和冷漠。870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3zfjsF3RQc
870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhXBmJ7LDpR
不知道是不是她已經習慣了這表情，竟然連抹也不打算抹，恍如連自己也要放棄自己一樣。870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGTxBSDARPr
870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcOKfVXzT4H
這光景，我看過。870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsBGYqwySh6
870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzWYkwvNi6u
我在曾經的自己身上看過。870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgQ5DSINHHF
870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBcMXO6hCnw
「你唔應該咁對自己。」我掏出紙巾輕印她的眼淚，「始終要放下。」870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡICFIJUS35Q
870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ15QRpamkti
「我知，但我做唔到。」把頭枕在我肩上的妍妍說，「等於我叫你放下童桐一樣。」870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4JEt8CfSQW
870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5q7ioXifl6
「無可能。」我搖頭。870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9s7V7m3qKH
870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Gz3vuLzre
「嗯，無可能。」她點頭。870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMbamskt6ox
870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9gPgkLpAff
她繼續說：「一開始我只係咁自暴自棄，後來…我就覺得無所謂，點都無所謂，同唔同既男仔去玩，去蒲，做咩都好…我已經無所謂，過得一日就一日，反正又有錢收。」870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡybAjEq9RaF
870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqhCBtaF2zw
她打了個哆嗦，然後說：「既然唔知做咩好，咁樣就做咩都得。」870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfmtyRewWO1
870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ1zK2A4TTI
失去人生目標的滋味，我倒還記憶猶新，大約幾小時前吧。870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbsGyjpfoSI
870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpQPyrS8kda
而且再往前回溯，在中學畢業後的暑假我也是這樣，唯一等待的就是自己慢慢在角落腐爛，做任何事也只是因本能而行動，也不記得今天是星期幾，幾月幾日，因為沒有需要。870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1btbuWrGQh
870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ5Sy2c0Pw6
甚麼也再沒需要了。870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKPPJ2iFsb0
870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPI3b6yc6nP
妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己。870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqkeNm7xZ3g
870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAnN3DGKv4X
我也在妍妍身上看到曾經的自己。870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVLhYsh2tzb
870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2KHV3bTl7p
我把自己那時的頹然喪志和妍妍說了個大概，她同樣地靜靜的聽著，而且聽著聽著她把自己雙腳抱住，似乎好像聽到甚麼不願意回想起的事一樣。870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYENlIxAqV8
870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJymqe9PfK9
話畢。870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡar74tGVVOq
870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBp3swZwybt
妍妍閉上眼思考了一會兒，然後開口說：「睇黎我黎搵你呻係正確既選擇。」870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhu8JiuY4tU
870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGBdSk5Vzsi
「你想既，幾時都可以。」870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqwIgrCyiiZ
870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7ojU7nUS9d
她沉默了片刻。870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ9kXxQYMW6
870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYkHyYOBhNe
「咁你個時點走出去？」她問我。870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDuJsNWKp7e
870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdZd4eZQv1y
「一黎童桐唔俾我繼續摺落去喇。」我說，「二黎就係射返箭，射箭個時個人會好專心，射中靶會好有成功感，漸漸就走左出黎。」870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsTHNUKdSC8
870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNpsT16ylLd
「無興趣。」她微笑說。870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyTPC32cSnc
870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCfglfVHQTu
「…咁點解個時你唔搵我？至少我可以好似童桐拖我出房咁樣幫你，我地細個都一齊玩過，我唔會唔理你。」我說。870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYsRutjws3m
870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcAQg7b2mW5
「個時我都未搵返你。我地細個個時又無Facebook IG呢Ｄ。」妍妍說，「係去到情聖係TG Group臨時要女仔同你去街，我先知個個係你。」870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYrlM7gVeQh
870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNp2PHKdhpK
「係咪…好失望？」我苦笑，「搞到要搵PTGF………雖，雖然係用黎激童桐啦，我本身都無諗住要搵PTGF，一日都係情聖自把自為，未未未未等到30歲轉生做魔法師囉…」870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJLGNcD4xt6
870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf6WmK2U8ii
我說到了後半句才發現自己的發言何等窩囊，馬上手忙腳亂地想修正，但是似乎愈描愈黑。870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnBxDjXzJCk
870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwHLpOLmXi5
「好啦，唔使解釋。」妍妍被我的慌張樣子逗笑，「你真係除左射箭咩都唔識架喎。」870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzuMTZg3n09
870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNwyR2iueAJ
「連你都咁講，嗚…」870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzwkSKMucuY
870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs5XxrmyLLx
「咁樣先係你既賣點。」妍妍輕撫我被海風吹亂的頭髮說。870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhUj9aTgHoi
870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNCdjW08ZsW
同樣是看到我使出全力追求童桐，情聖在我身上看到自己沒有之物並覺得耀眼，而妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己並覺得懷念。870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFayc8iWejh
870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuH0W5IBVoT
我完全不覺我自己會為任何人帶來啟發，但似乎他們不這樣認為。870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAF3ufZkGvl
870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXsegl2WMXM
「咁你以後有咩打算？既然個個人已經連婚都結埋。」我說。870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡObUAGhtX9n
870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgjPxTPLgv3
「……我唔知。」妍妍看著海的雙眼變得空洞，不過她還把頭靠在我肩上，我很有信心她沒有任何投海的念頭。870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5qrW5VFRFc
870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAQgq51oBk7
然後她開口問：「你呢，如果最後童桐都係唔同你一齊，你又有咩打算？」870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUryAyZLZSE
870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlWhgSAYP4z
「……我唔知。」我給出和妍妍一模一樣的答案。870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUuGhoW9jUL
870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcMosHpOZ9v
看來我真的沒有鼓勵人的天分，但畢竟我也自身難保嘛。870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhlMnhXwHEG
870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2vQpRZKPBw
「……」870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjLU3Tq4jzs
870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrXs7knRa7N
兩個不知還可以怎樣辦的人，就這樣互相倚靠在一起，坐在海邊喝著廉價的啤酒，吹著因暑氣而帶點異味的海風。870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH9LAlhgrpW
870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5G72xAFoGh
不是甚麼事也能憑決心，憑努力去改寫的。870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl8n5IUu4uA
870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjVcQWEYGLn
夏天，也到尾聲了。870Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡthc5nMjxQ2
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