又是一陣沉默,然後妍妍轉頭看著我問道:「呀遊。」921Please respect copyright.PENANAoNUZpWmNne
921Please respect copyright.PENANAuOBvXT2MLR
「…係?」我回答。921Please respect copyright.PENANAMBLLTWIheq
921Please respect copyright.PENANAjUHFpGiFZq
「你覺得PTGF係做D咩?」921Please respect copyright.PENANALF18rjbtpO
921Please respect copyright.PENANARjtcvdJnwY
PDGF,是Part Time Girl Friend簡寫,老實說不是甚麼新興東西,以往的名字有很多,援交,出租女友,兼職女友,爸爸活,Sugar Daddy之類…當然,仔細劃分用字定義還是能分出差異的,但…921Please respect copyright.PENANAsJg9RiaOoY
921Please respect copyright.PENANANgm9Oi8ado
「因金錢利益與男性發生關係」,這點應該不會錯。921Please respect copyright.PENANASuyEexrcv3
921Please respect copyright.PENANAGGIt8TnRd2
妍妍看著海說:「嗯,可以咁講…雖然有D女仔堅持唔上床,只係行街睇戲食飯拖手之類,但係…」921Please respect copyright.PENANA3dwvAcTEh9
921Please respect copyright.PENANAJZcqkK7DrS
我等著她最後那句。921Please respect copyright.PENANACUftLT24cF
921Please respect copyright.PENANAObaCFfJYqk
「…我唔係個種。」妍妍說。921Please respect copyright.PENANAgSd9JNcPzW
921Please respect copyright.PENANAWJlv5TGomj
「嗯,我聽緊。」我說。921Please respect copyright.PENANAOxItWzA49D
921Please respect copyright.PENANAgnld7A29IV
她看看我,似乎發現我表情眼神沒甚麼變化後似乎放鬆了一點:「我仲以為你會介意添。」921Please respect copyright.PENANAnWoZmVxIuZ
921Please respect copyright.PENANAlSfz71WwYH
我失笑:「我又唔係你邊個,有咩好介意?」921Please respect copyright.PENANACsgDPgqvMf
921Please respect copyright.PENANAVNvUelkH9F
「即係如果我同你親密D既你就會介意?」她反問。921Please respect copyright.PENANAowbn1MXJp8
921Please respect copyright.PENANArqmbnMITIP
「我唔回答假設性問題。」我擺出官腔,因為我真的不知道。921Please respect copyright.PENANAZl0nKiinph
921Please respect copyright.PENANASasUJOPHdL
妍妍喝一口啤酒:「不過都唔係每個男仔我都會同佢做…普通都係遊下車河,去船P,食飯個D,如果真係岩Feel同信得過既先會做。」921Please respect copyright.PENANARNnf3dJ4kD
921Please respect copyright.PENANArLUvmDN2Hk
「咁…」921Please respect copyright.PENANASxu5M1wL2k
921Please respect copyright.PENANATR6iXjwu5R
感覺我說甚麼也會錯。921Please respect copyright.PENANA9hoPPARpEn
921Please respect copyright.PENANAL4BaNKK24H
「之前我咪問你關於Deep-World,黑PR既事…我都係係客身上聽返黎,有錢人就有呢D門路,總之,我係想搵黑PR黎對付我唯一既個個EX 。」921Please respect copyright.PENANASUp6H5Az4o
921Please respect copyright.PENANAUlBavEAkc4
妍妍說過她是A1,即是現在單身,但曾拍過一次拖。921Please respect copyright.PENANAhv4XIxmvNE
921Please respect copyright.PENANA51K1RKjYyv
「嗯,你講過。」921Please respect copyright.PENANA1xyufTJup4
921Please respect copyright.PENANA33LzN9xMEf
「但我估唔到你會記住。」她說,「估唔到你會記到童桐以外既事啊?」921Please respect copyright.PENANAeSJXnEeMhN
921Please respect copyright.PENANAfeDAFMtqq8
「咪笑我啦。」921Please respect copyright.PENANAdUpg5owKKf
921Please respect copyright.PENANAos1ZYUOraj
她笑了。921Please respect copyright.PENANAWQrYsl9Dlh
921Please respect copyright.PENANAK7ScuTiUWC
「尋日係好日,佢就係尋日結婚…」妍妍看著漆黑的海說,「終於都完,感覺就好似發左場夢咁。」921Please respect copyright.PENANAIrKUdDivsS
921Please respect copyright.PENANAiwFU07Nfgw
「係好夢定惡夢?」921Please respect copyright.PENANA6mQ25PP2jP
921Please respect copyright.PENANAGDVpDj6qVw
「…同現實比,係好夢。」她說,「同個時我地打算過既將來比,係惡夢。」921Please respect copyright.PENANAeQX3mQbWKw
921Please respect copyright.PENANAFrjR0tY9NK
我仔細咀嚼這一句當中的含意。921Please respect copyright.PENANAuDTbc6PGQj
921Please respect copyright.PENANAljZGGWPd1M
「曾經我同你一樣啊,呀遊。」她說,「曾經我都將一個人視為全宇宙,視為我既一切,我既世界就係圍住佢轉。過去,現在,未來,都因佢而起,因佢而存在,亦因佢而有寄望。」921Please respect copyright.PENANAPAXrEgPsxO
921Please respect copyright.PENANAnf3UhR2YcF
雖然我猜到了個大概,但我決定沉默。921Please respect copyright.PENANAnhWYk3CGhb
921Please respect copyright.PENANAxUJNmIx8VI
有時候甚麼也不回應,只是陪伴,就是最好的回應。921Please respect copyright.PENANAGXgs16nhMR
921Please respect copyright.PENANAKhi4Donibi
「我係你身上,就好似睇到曾經既自己咁。」妍妍說。921Please respect copyright.PENANAKZlXmLph4J
921Please respect copyright.PENANApZi4ty4Lav
然後,她把頭靠到我的肩膊上。921Please respect copyright.PENANAclDKAG7D9y
921Please respect copyright.PENANA3JE9ngXsLe
「仲相信愛情,只為左一個人而活,全心,全靈,為左自己鐘意既人博盡全力去爭取,連對手係植嵐晨咁既級數既人都繼續前進。」921Please respect copyright.PENANA78t5CGM5qX
921Please respect copyright.PENANAISFEHH5waK
她一頭棕髮沿我胸膛傾瀉而下,撲鼻而來的是她頭髮的香氣夾雜海水咸味。921Please respect copyright.PENANARdkvnJnLQT
921Please respect copyright.PENANA0eNXN6vPzO
妍妍深呼吸,然後嘆了一口氣:「唉,但…依加已經完晒,其實早就應該完,當年就應該完,係我一直放佢唔低,直到佢尋日婚都結埋…我先知道一直走唔出去既人係我,亦…只有我一個。」921Please respect copyright.PENANAqOcixu1Cus
921Please respect copyright.PENANA7XftbL5oq0
在之前我也想像過童桐結婚而新郎不是我的畫面。921Please respect copyright.PENANApCRWZGOgTg
921Please respect copyright.PENANADoROEX4poB
在之後,我連想像的勇氣也沒有。921Please respect copyright.PENANAnPrPvCrFZ9
921Please respect copyright.PENANAPZQs7BijdW
那是信仰的崩潰,世界的崩潰。921Please respect copyright.PENANApne30cAj1N
921Please respect copyright.PENANA830fDS3Erx
萬物的崩潰。921Please respect copyright.PENANAkikHvXnfXo
921Please respect copyright.PENANAPRhsqjJcHN
「所以你分手之後做PTGF…係因為…」921Please respect copyright.PENANAHvkuUrYsGg
921Please respect copyright.PENANAGWI190vTXh
「我以為佢會在意。」妍妍自嘲地冷笑,「至少以為佢會嬲,佢會話我污糟之類,但係…佢根本完全唔在意,我試過自己上網唱佢,佢都係理都唔理,本身至少想佢憎我,如果可以,我想佢至少憎我一世。」921Please respect copyright.PENANAXNPVZSaLzr
921Please respect copyright.PENANAAHj5Htpy0K
妍妍說著說著,眼淚便靜靜的淌下。921Please respect copyright.PENANAX3tvECYPht
921Please respect copyright.PENANAtePLcamwWz
「點解…點解連憎我一世都唔可以?」妍妍哽咽地說,哭著的她全身在發抖。921Please respect copyright.PENANAti0wBfT2F3
921Please respect copyright.PENANAgLUJaSaQVX
愛的反面不是憎恨。921Please respect copyright.PENANA1QIPA5YYGi
921Please respect copyright.PENANA9T7PE89tx0
愛的反面是徹底的無視和冷漠。921Please respect copyright.PENANAoWbMjwdiKL
921Please respect copyright.PENANAUnZTc54NSO
不知道是不是她已經習慣了這表情,竟然連抹也不打算抹,恍如連自己也要放棄自己一樣。921Please respect copyright.PENANAJv2z6A3FzX
921Please respect copyright.PENANATMbFILbqBr
這光景,我看過。921Please respect copyright.PENANASk6FluTmNl
921Please respect copyright.PENANAQqXTWJzwcr
我在曾經的自己身上看過。921Please respect copyright.PENANARfglP3MNZD
921Please respect copyright.PENANAyc26iKJz5I
「你唔應該咁對自己。」我掏出紙巾輕印她的眼淚,「始終要放下。」921Please respect copyright.PENANAFI9OHFmxfW
921Please respect copyright.PENANAH5zQqgTlup
「我知,但我做唔到。」把頭枕在我肩上的妍妍說,「等於我叫你放下童桐一樣。」921Please respect copyright.PENANAuMlLnLR2e8
921Please respect copyright.PENANAvE067BTkfa
「無可能。」我搖頭。921Please respect copyright.PENANAQfrRtSJ1TF
921Please respect copyright.PENANAAjoRgpZgTi
「嗯,無可能。」她點頭。921Please respect copyright.PENANAswtvB6yAsl
921Please respect copyright.PENANA95ii82hEvE
她繼續說:「一開始我只係咁自暴自棄,後來…我就覺得無所謂,點都無所謂,同唔同既男仔去玩,去蒲,做咩都好…我已經無所謂,過得一日就一日,反正又有錢收。」921Please respect copyright.PENANAp5XlUtwdoR
921Please respect copyright.PENANASJt9K2qCnj
她打了個哆嗦,然後說:「既然唔知做咩好,咁樣就做咩都得。」921Please respect copyright.PENANASxsU9ad1ko
921Please respect copyright.PENANAd7vftyFmFi
失去人生目標的滋味,我倒還記憶猶新,大約幾小時前吧。921Please respect copyright.PENANAuXqlkEoWNs
921Please respect copyright.PENANAXr83aE32BB
而且再往前回溯,在中學畢業後的暑假我也是這樣,唯一等待的就是自己慢慢在角落腐爛,做任何事也只是因本能而行動,也不記得今天是星期幾,幾月幾日,因為沒有需要。921Please respect copyright.PENANA2v4TaSDN6n
921Please respect copyright.PENANAfJW3e7AeWB
甚麼也再沒需要了。921Please respect copyright.PENANAY7f3sYIB5V
921Please respect copyright.PENANA9UwlBF80Ay
妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己。921Please respect copyright.PENANAICmsLZlwJt
921Please respect copyright.PENANAKEHDYC3mjL
我也在妍妍身上看到曾經的自己。921Please respect copyright.PENANArPlwLZCsUP
921Please respect copyright.PENANA80FwOKQWbO
我把自己那時的頹然喪志和妍妍說了個大概,她同樣地靜靜的聽著,而且聽著聽著她把自己雙腳抱住,似乎好像聽到甚麼不願意回想起的事一樣。921Please respect copyright.PENANAeFRs1DaYmH
921Please respect copyright.PENANAOOKqhPYqDt
話畢。921Please respect copyright.PENANApBv6ymOcFy
921Please respect copyright.PENANApcP2UB1w4U
妍妍閉上眼思考了一會兒,然後開口說:「睇黎我黎搵你呻係正確既選擇。」921Please respect copyright.PENANAIcO0J3f7SV
921Please respect copyright.PENANAtX2e0QJYQq
「你想既,幾時都可以。」921Please respect copyright.PENANA96aNgkt17K
921Please respect copyright.PENANAbGtvJceIyU
她沉默了片刻。921Please respect copyright.PENANAbg246RIfwz
921Please respect copyright.PENANAFvyQbJK9RQ
「咁你個時點走出去?」她問我。921Please respect copyright.PENANA80lvaQsbNC
921Please respect copyright.PENANAuOy8Tr4JZ5
「一黎童桐唔俾我繼續摺落去喇。」我說,「二黎就係射返箭,射箭個時個人會好專心,射中靶會好有成功感,漸漸就走左出黎。」921Please respect copyright.PENANA2FH5F4jb6k
921Please respect copyright.PENANAFxIdUAWCRO
「無興趣。」她微笑說。921Please respect copyright.PENANAwKZ4bG3o0o
921Please respect copyright.PENANADLLsCMSfvF
「…咁點解個時你唔搵我?至少我可以好似童桐拖我出房咁樣幫你,我地細個都一齊玩過,我唔會唔理你。」我說。921Please respect copyright.PENANAmiZf9UTLBA
921Please respect copyright.PENANAaQMfQDPOl1
「個時我都未搵返你。我地細個個時又無Facebook IG呢D。」妍妍說,「係去到情聖係TG Group臨時要女仔同你去街,我先知個個係你。」921Please respect copyright.PENANAv7tc4QgC1P
921Please respect copyright.PENANAj2Im4z4fe8
「係咪…好失望?」我苦笑,「搞到要搵PTGF………雖,雖然係用黎激童桐啦,我本身都無諗住要搵PTGF,一日都係情聖自把自為,未未未未等到30歲轉生做魔法師囉…」921Please respect copyright.PENANATWxybLa6PF
921Please respect copyright.PENANA3g2atEM9us
我說到了後半句才發現自己的發言何等窩囊,馬上手忙腳亂地想修正,但是似乎愈描愈黑。921Please respect copyright.PENANAfDPwzzod6e
921Please respect copyright.PENANA3tY73024Wa
「好啦,唔使解釋。」妍妍被我的慌張樣子逗笑,「你真係除左射箭咩都唔識架喎。」921Please respect copyright.PENANA4tiyF0KVIg
921Please respect copyright.PENANA1WrGabbzl2
「連你都咁講,嗚…」921Please respect copyright.PENANAKoCohQ2G3L
921Please respect copyright.PENANA61teODKcnR
「咁樣先係你既賣點。」妍妍輕撫我被海風吹亂的頭髮說。921Please respect copyright.PENANA3Zx0DxH8uN
921Please respect copyright.PENANA870bzzaC44
同樣是看到我使出全力追求童桐,情聖在我身上看到自己沒有之物並覺得耀眼,而妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己並覺得懷念。921Please respect copyright.PENANAQu3bXMGpVJ
921Please respect copyright.PENANA6L4umlWa5X
我完全不覺我自己會為任何人帶來啟發,但似乎他們不這樣認為。921Please respect copyright.PENANAQprIDGB6qv
921Please respect copyright.PENANAVSgF2r2x9q
「咁你以後有咩打算?既然個個人已經連婚都結埋。」我說。921Please respect copyright.PENANAax6xQNYaWC
921Please respect copyright.PENANAlDjYWqJssU
「……我唔知。」妍妍看著海的雙眼變得空洞,不過她還把頭靠在我肩上,我很有信心她沒有任何投海的念頭。921Please respect copyright.PENANAujOc9gP0yG
921Please respect copyright.PENANA5jmHrVQCtm
然後她開口問:「你呢,如果最後童桐都係唔同你一齊,你又有咩打算?」921Please respect copyright.PENANApSgpJ8Sqlp
921Please respect copyright.PENANAY6HxSB98Qz
「……我唔知。」我給出和妍妍一模一樣的答案。921Please respect copyright.PENANAulZFNZ5JWd
921Please respect copyright.PENANA2ykRoPOTJZ
看來我真的沒有鼓勵人的天分,但畢竟我也自身難保嘛。921Please respect copyright.PENANAOkXoLKMWMs
921Please respect copyright.PENANA5S3r2Dz49w
「……」921Please respect copyright.PENANAU4F57WNJxQ
921Please respect copyright.PENANAgtfpAYSDHB
兩個不知還可以怎樣辦的人,就這樣互相倚靠在一起,坐在海邊喝著廉價的啤酒,吹著因暑氣而帶點異味的海風。921Please respect copyright.PENANAZMQmuVFOrv
921Please respect copyright.PENANA8CH13BGxab
不是甚麼事也能憑決心,憑努力去改寫的。921Please respect copyright.PENANAy56CDGjFh6
921Please respect copyright.PENANAMS22vvdzm8
夏天,也到尾聲了。921Please respect copyright.PENANA96wgyHf4nI