又是一陣沉默，然後妍妍轉頭看著我問道：「呀遊。」959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzLq2qMwfC4
959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡADpCpXFQvC
「…係？」我回答。959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZcFQT9L1HX
959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd47WRl3RcY
「你覺得PTGF係做Ｄ咩？」959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWQnO05dABd
959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCspe4bmk4M
PDGF，是Part Time Girl Friend簡寫，老實說不是甚麼新興東西，以往的名字有很多，援交，出租女友，兼職女友，爸爸活，Sugar Daddy之類…當然，仔細劃分用字定義還是能分出差異的，但…959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWyfm8HnUel
959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoQQH2M6nij
「因金錢利益與男性發生關係」，這點應該不會錯。959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7HgF4AVVwq
959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9RbA6yHgKS
妍妍看著海說：「嗯，可以咁講…雖然有Ｄ女仔堅持唔上床，只係行街睇戲食飯拖手之類，但係…」959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFs06U4ChxG
959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAXZNemn2ey
我等著她最後那句。959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaRHLAteAuH
959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgnV12J6dIO
「…我唔係個種。」妍妍說。959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHaSuYUTQaG
959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQRY1dHL02e
「嗯，我聽緊。」我說。959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLnMuuUjmOy
959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbSN2NbmbCR
她看看我，似乎發現我表情眼神沒甚麼變化後似乎放鬆了一點：「我仲以為你會介意添。」959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA7QUQVMIRU
959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8VNirIclnF
我失笑：「我又唔係你邊個，有咩好介意？」959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3DCO58zOCe
959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmSL6oH7CdR
「即係如果我同你親密Ｄ既你就會介意？」她反問。959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBlnl6Oiuft
959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBMrHMcl33o
「我唔回答假設性問題。」我擺出官腔，因為我真的不知道。959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgTadeXm9dx
959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyVfWD0fGld
妍妍喝一口啤酒：「不過都唔係每個男仔我都會同佢做…普通都係遊下車河，去船P，食飯個Ｄ，如果真係岩Feel同信得過既先會做。」959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrqT4kt6Y14
959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBx25hk24Ke
「咁…」959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUCZc5VQNSv
959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSMTPFtFuBZ
感覺我說甚麼也會錯。959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ992F3CPfmg
959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoRNxYK8BDp
「之前我咪問你關於Deep-World，黑PR既事…我都係係客身上聽返黎，有錢人就有呢Ｄ門路，總之，我係想搵黑PR黎對付我唯一既個個EX 。」959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTj8N8cEYAW
959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZiBq22r0Dc
妍妍說過她是A1，即是現在單身，但曾拍過一次拖。959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGiDxxf6pZq
959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdSbMT4FjNB
「嗯，你講過。」959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkv2Ovb90o5
959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9AiQIdHO1p
「但我估唔到你會記住。」她說，「估唔到你會記到童桐以外既事啊？」959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡakLkBL9BY9
959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWnlqq9Ba0m
「咪笑我啦。」959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKUx9CHGUzE
959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy9iBntoqbx
她笑了。959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0YEOSnrhb7
959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHzdPrMXoJU
「尋日係好日，佢就係尋日結婚…」妍妍看著漆黑的海說，「終於都完，感覺就好似發左場夢咁。」959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡERsPM7NsYl
959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡehJD9nQ9GS
「係好夢定惡夢？」959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3NEOcYMeLL
959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbpvno5pqYl
「…同現實比，係好夢。」她說，「同個時我地打算過既將來比，係惡夢。」959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1tH5zjyRxa
959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDX73ppSeYg
我仔細咀嚼這一句當中的含意。959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9WWbGAkzKA
959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxC8rc0Qu2y
「曾經我同你一樣啊，呀遊。」她說，「曾經我都將一個人視為全宇宙，視為我既一切，我既世界就係圍住佢轉。過去，現在，未來，都因佢而起，因佢而存在，亦因佢而有寄望。」959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNYH8dC93Pq
959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUpg8PVCs13
雖然我猜到了個大概，但我決定沉默。959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw4susDj0ds
959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoXlKucjtVI
有時候甚麼也不回應，只是陪伴，就是最好的回應。959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVCdAVNZHr7
959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7JLcJh7aBS
「我係你身上，就好似睇到曾經既自己咁。」妍妍說。959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUp3lUPIL02
959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwW5I7Q6pH2
然後，她把頭靠到我的肩膊上。959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ56Y5mUddcQ
959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZH3xOE3Y2A
「仲相信愛情，只為左一個人而活，全心，全靈，為左自己鐘意既人博盡全力去爭取，連對手係植嵐晨咁既級數既人都繼續前進。」959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeFxRTDY0ns
959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg39ph54XTS
她一頭棕髮沿我胸膛傾瀉而下，撲鼻而來的是她頭髮的香氣夾雜海水咸味。959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAbYmnfkH0F
959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhV0oVXKYkU
妍妍深呼吸，然後嘆了一口氣：「唉，但…依加已經完晒，其實早就應該完，當年就應該完，係我一直放佢唔低，直到佢尋日婚都結埋…我先知道一直走唔出去既人係我，亦…只有我一個。」959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYcaGuOCOaS
959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSCAKonWHl2
在之前我也想像過童桐結婚而新郎不是我的畫面。959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpUpDTkuhOO
959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW6yKHIHuH1
在之後，我連想像的勇氣也沒有。959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAsABzKsW9q
959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOX8bBJGHlY
那是信仰的崩潰，世界的崩潰。959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoLTmzsRQb5
959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSYHR71sCUj
萬物的崩潰。959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxVSzASqzJM
959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtA4NBDm9M6
「所以你分手之後做PTGF…係因為…」959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkiPlMbKSSc
959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG41VnbDv3m
「我以為佢會在意。」妍妍自嘲地冷笑，「至少以為佢會嬲，佢會話我污糟之類，但係…佢根本完全唔在意，我試過自己上網唱佢，佢都係理都唔理，本身至少想佢憎我，如果可以，我想佢至少憎我一世。」959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzYuby4P1in
959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAMNvVB3WTJ
妍妍說著說著，眼淚便靜靜的淌下。959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdnpwfIg7uT
959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlIVCwA7B2q
「點解…點解連憎我一世都唔可以？」妍妍哽咽地說，哭著的她全身在發抖。959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCzJanPTYmk
959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXOaWJzWPZg
愛的反面不是憎恨。959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGn06g7hfcb
959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOLPkheFcXp
愛的反面是徹底的無視和冷漠。959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ14zVMvJ7fQ
959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfYd0fCbOxT
不知道是不是她已經習慣了這表情，竟然連抹也不打算抹，恍如連自己也要放棄自己一樣。959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡor74TzGRBg
959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbLj91w1lDB
這光景，我看過。959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4ZVNsTw7FO
959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDD55fkRxkM
我在曾經的自己身上看過。959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwvzADW4BuJ
959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGBtSMoZi66
「你唔應該咁對自己。」我掏出紙巾輕印她的眼淚，「始終要放下。」959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBuKBlkWzLu
959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI3FEOLIH05
「我知，但我做唔到。」把頭枕在我肩上的妍妍說，「等於我叫你放下童桐一樣。」959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMLgN0EKQZX
959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9M8Xf7ouBA
「無可能。」我搖頭。959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtdhFhVjPsE
959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNNxKQlXyBw
「嗯，無可能。」她點頭。959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKkZcaVbOXy
959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTSgFdnUCNq
她繼續說：「一開始我只係咁自暴自棄，後來…我就覺得無所謂，點都無所謂，同唔同既男仔去玩，去蒲，做咩都好…我已經無所謂，過得一日就一日，反正又有錢收。」959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw2gIAsuQvh
959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuj1xPo1YyT
她打了個哆嗦，然後說：「既然唔知做咩好，咁樣就做咩都得。」959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJF8oWBZnBr
959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUo4FAIUc8H
失去人生目標的滋味，我倒還記憶猶新，大約幾小時前吧。959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCNJhXhw1DN
959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBUPX7Jp8bO
而且再往前回溯，在中學畢業後的暑假我也是這樣，唯一等待的就是自己慢慢在角落腐爛，做任何事也只是因本能而行動，也不記得今天是星期幾，幾月幾日，因為沒有需要。959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk1HmKXdQij
959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeqifpuZJVn
甚麼也再沒需要了。959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXVj6UEJIwn
959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJYfK5gxo4N
妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己。959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsHfogFbv6B
959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpdJ7sanpyb
我也在妍妍身上看到曾經的自己。959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5eRBG5aXLy
959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6GdqnHvtsA
我把自己那時的頹然喪志和妍妍說了個大概，她同樣地靜靜的聽著，而且聽著聽著她把自己雙腳抱住，似乎好像聽到甚麼不願意回想起的事一樣。959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡasNnw3Jaw5
959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTbzpKQ7ksW
話畢。959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡawwi0yuXgS
959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsx5MZXxwYC
妍妍閉上眼思考了一會兒，然後開口說：「睇黎我黎搵你呻係正確既選擇。」959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQNqZVW8ZFw
959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtpdGPGrdRs
「你想既，幾時都可以。」959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz8M8YDo1gw
959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmIssEVTrWn
她沉默了片刻。959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFKrcmpnYNN
959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzLDMFJZC4q
「咁你個時點走出去？」她問我。959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3yg7WqUIjD
959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxLww1AaThH
「一黎童桐唔俾我繼續摺落去喇。」我說，「二黎就係射返箭，射箭個時個人會好專心，射中靶會好有成功感，漸漸就走左出黎。」959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjPWw8v3Oe9
959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdLYyWXJi2n
「無興趣。」她微笑說。959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgUKaFzlFC6
959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzjoLnm2Yh1
「…咁點解個時你唔搵我？至少我可以好似童桐拖我出房咁樣幫你，我地細個都一齊玩過，我唔會唔理你。」我說。959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5kIDgw9hLP
959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0BFxv78MSn
「個時我都未搵返你。我地細個個時又無Facebook IG呢Ｄ。」妍妍說，「係去到情聖係TG Group臨時要女仔同你去街，我先知個個係你。」959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnIgWRDGqvs
959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKzT3fBBtdi
「係咪…好失望？」我苦笑，「搞到要搵PTGF………雖，雖然係用黎激童桐啦，我本身都無諗住要搵PTGF，一日都係情聖自把自為，未未未未等到30歲轉生做魔法師囉…」959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKwsVJDjpi5
959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfPaZJ9DGij
我說到了後半句才發現自己的發言何等窩囊，馬上手忙腳亂地想修正，但是似乎愈描愈黑。959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf6v2tz4TNd
959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc2GIC9l6I1
「好啦，唔使解釋。」妍妍被我的慌張樣子逗笑，「你真係除左射箭咩都唔識架喎。」959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu8L1Blkf1v
959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeRkzMAynYC
「連你都咁講，嗚…」959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMbBniIgpwl
959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Oaks2WgAr
「咁樣先係你既賣點。」妍妍輕撫我被海風吹亂的頭髮說。959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhr31edEEHJ
959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEQKFCNSn4T
同樣是看到我使出全力追求童桐，情聖在我身上看到自己沒有之物並覺得耀眼，而妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己並覺得懷念。959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2SXenbG8Gq
959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBeYeMulSta
我完全不覺我自己會為任何人帶來啟發，但似乎他們不這樣認為。959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuDn5JYi6a0
959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7NrXH2loaM
「咁你以後有咩打算？既然個個人已經連婚都結埋。」我說。959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmPjgO2Gawn
959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT4lL88NLZ6
「……我唔知。」妍妍看著海的雙眼變得空洞，不過她還把頭靠在我肩上，我很有信心她沒有任何投海的念頭。959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh4MXCfEOHu
959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRKaNucIFCs
然後她開口問：「你呢，如果最後童桐都係唔同你一齊，你又有咩打算？」959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNHA4Z30uLs
959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeeaIAbbR3J
「……我唔知。」我給出和妍妍一模一樣的答案。959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFS0KM3IehY
959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjX2t0gXxBH
看來我真的沒有鼓勵人的天分，但畢竟我也自身難保嘛。959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVcKvXFKeCy
959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡloc0ubEvMW
「……」959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7DT2Fe9kXU
959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7G0eenDe2j
兩個不知還可以怎樣辦的人，就這樣互相倚靠在一起，坐在海邊喝著廉價的啤酒，吹著因暑氣而帶點異味的海風。959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBtWMxl03bo
959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ57p1grmQoU
不是甚麼事也能憑決心，憑努力去改寫的。959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtqwvwgwxzv
959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjcLJfG9puH
夏天，也到尾聲了。959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡom4wDiC3H1
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