又是一陣沉默，然後妍妍轉頭看著我問道：「呀遊。」920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvpKOBtZyGD
920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoyERgq8evZ
「…係？」我回答。920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK3EEeXNLi3
920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7RnHBRk00B
「你覺得PTGF係做Ｄ咩？」920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuZjvJ12zj1
920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq8ZDSAoeMm
PDGF，是Part Time Girl Friend簡寫，老實說不是甚麼新興東西，以往的名字有很多，援交，出租女友，兼職女友，爸爸活，Sugar Daddy之類…當然，仔細劃分用字定義還是能分出差異的，但…920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKqPPMOzuXE
920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrKsmpoweCE
「因金錢利益與男性發生關係」，這點應該不會錯。920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrTMIctmkyV
920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCUZ0WcSj8J
妍妍看著海說：「嗯，可以咁講…雖然有Ｄ女仔堅持唔上床，只係行街睇戲食飯拖手之類，但係…」920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcJ7tEeWxI5
920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgJKS5Shxqa
我等著她最後那句。920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFe3EeoRVjj
920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvobCTmnorQ
「…我唔係個種。」妍妍說。920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz59UKJgbjJ
920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm77xYSk45Y
「嗯，我聽緊。」我說。920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO8sLhouM5B
920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBbPOyomoxv
她看看我，似乎發現我表情眼神沒甚麼變化後似乎放鬆了一點：「我仲以為你會介意添。」920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdd5PFyL2Nf
920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBnOLYifWKK
我失笑：「我又唔係你邊個，有咩好介意？」920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfUcwW9ZgGX
920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT6jKj53g3u
「即係如果我同你親密Ｄ既你就會介意？」她反問。920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyJ1KfJ02Ib
920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjNKA42TEln
「我唔回答假設性問題。」我擺出官腔，因為我真的不知道。920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡujqiYeKt4Z
920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6RTj25quQu
妍妍喝一口啤酒：「不過都唔係每個男仔我都會同佢做…普通都係遊下車河，去船P，食飯個Ｄ，如果真係岩Feel同信得過既先會做。」920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZV0nQ0cUjW
920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSgzqN0aPex
「咁…」920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbYjxG5EoYZ
920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIYsnn5Brcj
感覺我說甚麼也會錯。920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmVXPEnnMGN
920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxyb6o0KS1S
「之前我咪問你關於Deep-World，黑PR既事…我都係係客身上聽返黎，有錢人就有呢Ｄ門路，總之，我係想搵黑PR黎對付我唯一既個個EX 。」920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIWGX8VUhV5
920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAtGk9T5lww
妍妍說過她是A1，即是現在單身，但曾拍過一次拖。920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1031DbrrbX
920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMRXPSIZ3Og
「嗯，你講過。」920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM9PZgoIZ1H
920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡySejIgFDWs
「但我估唔到你會記住。」她說，「估唔到你會記到童桐以外既事啊？」920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnn5fRHpR10
920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIXL5261ZNz
「咪笑我啦。」920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLawxT6nSIA
920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2zwZYteIMW
她笑了。920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDLbeMt7can
920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡko1GAFBMBb
「尋日係好日，佢就係尋日結婚…」妍妍看著漆黑的海說，「終於都完，感覺就好似發左場夢咁。」920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA8zICtM3tb
920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8qOEV4Fskd
「係好夢定惡夢？」920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtURzdMmh3o
920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr9EUgwUQwl
「…同現實比，係好夢。」她說，「同個時我地打算過既將來比，係惡夢。」920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHyVVcxdV0h
920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7hhwxePkGy
我仔細咀嚼這一句當中的含意。920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZkK00T9vST
920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ64BmrJatpb
「曾經我同你一樣啊，呀遊。」她說，「曾經我都將一個人視為全宇宙，視為我既一切，我既世界就係圍住佢轉。過去，現在，未來，都因佢而起，因佢而存在，亦因佢而有寄望。」920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡegvk9dgXR7
920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMFJygwIro0
雖然我猜到了個大概，但我決定沉默。920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgIDqb4fkE6
920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3w5OugUoib
有時候甚麼也不回應，只是陪伴，就是最好的回應。920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDuXlIsDjab
920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYqr5VWprhJ
「我係你身上，就好似睇到曾經既自己咁。」妍妍說。920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9F5O60JONl
920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx2AXTWDlr8
然後，她把頭靠到我的肩膊上。920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaRF6CBgUQs
920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5rFz4BtN0E
「仲相信愛情，只為左一個人而活，全心，全靈，為左自己鐘意既人博盡全力去爭取，連對手係植嵐晨咁既級數既人都繼續前進。」920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBVPru1bwTI
920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV4to4quzJs
她一頭棕髮沿我胸膛傾瀉而下，撲鼻而來的是她頭髮的香氣夾雜海水咸味。920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkj0qngUKio
920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTDNQV3dosj
妍妍深呼吸，然後嘆了一口氣：「唉，但…依加已經完晒，其實早就應該完，當年就應該完，係我一直放佢唔低，直到佢尋日婚都結埋…我先知道一直走唔出去既人係我，亦…只有我一個。」920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSyxiKdqI3l
920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpxHjyNbbg4
在之前我也想像過童桐結婚而新郎不是我的畫面。920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwX47Di7Tfv
920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrITHyThRI7
在之後，我連想像的勇氣也沒有。920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXJz7ojs5ET
920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHr2tHb3uvg
那是信仰的崩潰，世界的崩潰。920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡakv6SqgVfi
920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv1ESq3HnMB
萬物的崩潰。920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0NsPRfSPB6
920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaOJVgZoor0
「所以你分手之後做PTGF…係因為…」920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI8VwhkQQAV
920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtJ0tUmXf5a
「我以為佢會在意。」妍妍自嘲地冷笑，「至少以為佢會嬲，佢會話我污糟之類，但係…佢根本完全唔在意，我試過自己上網唱佢，佢都係理都唔理，本身至少想佢憎我，如果可以，我想佢至少憎我一世。」920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh31Zeo4Vkb
920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz94TMefDLe
妍妍說著說著，眼淚便靜靜的淌下。920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM5nOkuJPib
920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHH8BrtO3VJ
「點解…點解連憎我一世都唔可以？」妍妍哽咽地說，哭著的她全身在發抖。920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNNrsTK29xV
920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoUBuCnq5Kn
愛的反面不是憎恨。920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYcVvwIzEfr
920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaNt880V5re
愛的反面是徹底的無視和冷漠。920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0IB8aCJKcK
920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGNzSy3ropK
不知道是不是她已經習慣了這表情，竟然連抹也不打算抹，恍如連自己也要放棄自己一樣。920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQprTO5BiOk
920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6ACxPiVral
這光景，我看過。920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1fPac6Mdnv
920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGMHSU5MhTI
我在曾經的自己身上看過。920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA20yZpxNQU
920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡphqJZY8pwr
「你唔應該咁對自己。」我掏出紙巾輕印她的眼淚，「始終要放下。」920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhY6p8AMSu0
920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdWtqzYKbFM
「我知，但我做唔到。」把頭枕在我肩上的妍妍說，「等於我叫你放下童桐一樣。」920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoVqc5g089h
920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVbcl4S6RPG
「無可能。」我搖頭。920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrQktULzIvo
920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIv7044myFe
「嗯，無可能。」她點頭。920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRT8skN8eGl
920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxWQxv2z5hQ
她繼續說：「一開始我只係咁自暴自棄，後來…我就覺得無所謂，點都無所謂，同唔同既男仔去玩，去蒲，做咩都好…我已經無所謂，過得一日就一日，反正又有錢收。」920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVwzQK7NVgA
920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhMnChp8iTT
她打了個哆嗦，然後說：「既然唔知做咩好，咁樣就做咩都得。」920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpJAcOAGFUD
920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjHphKH2MrS
失去人生目標的滋味，我倒還記憶猶新，大約幾小時前吧。920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuHYvAnr9ga
920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡosiR93Ym4e
而且再往前回溯，在中學畢業後的暑假我也是這樣，唯一等待的就是自己慢慢在角落腐爛，做任何事也只是因本能而行動，也不記得今天是星期幾，幾月幾日，因為沒有需要。920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡesU9fmH61d
920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKzPsqYTD6z
甚麼也再沒需要了。920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAP6CYJkDbp
920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡabuU9w88w2
妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己。920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtUHy1gSvaQ
920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOh9SG4Bc2i
我也在妍妍身上看到曾經的自己。920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5pBQaGcBOS
920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEe12Av7yXw
我把自己那時的頹然喪志和妍妍說了個大概，她同樣地靜靜的聽著，而且聽著聽著她把自己雙腳抱住，似乎好像聽到甚麼不願意回想起的事一樣。920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLvnGOZsMcw
920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxryBAtYBbS
話畢。920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy7Q7H5gCB2
920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4FF6djyNAz
妍妍閉上眼思考了一會兒，然後開口說：「睇黎我黎搵你呻係正確既選擇。」920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgUr6P5FOT1
920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc0nNQJBZd5
「你想既，幾時都可以。」920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe51D4Bf0D3
920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrXkat7kINg
她沉默了片刻。920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvQcw2oIJnM
920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjwwGQRPMd0
「咁你個時點走出去？」她問我。920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc3ZGDuAjoj
920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGOUDIcphEf
「一黎童桐唔俾我繼續摺落去喇。」我說，「二黎就係射返箭，射箭個時個人會好專心，射中靶會好有成功感，漸漸就走左出黎。」920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡORV38EXrEg
920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡETEhziTvPY
「無興趣。」她微笑說。920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRQi3sdvwJK
920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOAKfFHn3OJ
「…咁點解個時你唔搵我？至少我可以好似童桐拖我出房咁樣幫你，我地細個都一齊玩過，我唔會唔理你。」我說。920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT7hnUpepyC
920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAQmidA1o8a
「個時我都未搵返你。我地細個個時又無Facebook IG呢Ｄ。」妍妍說，「係去到情聖係TG Group臨時要女仔同你去街，我先知個個係你。」920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9296g86FKY
920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTcyVXFPBGG
「係咪…好失望？」我苦笑，「搞到要搵PTGF………雖，雖然係用黎激童桐啦，我本身都無諗住要搵PTGF，一日都係情聖自把自為，未未未未等到30歲轉生做魔法師囉…」920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn5TRY4EHw6
920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwnbVH3aFwl
我說到了後半句才發現自己的發言何等窩囊，馬上手忙腳亂地想修正，但是似乎愈描愈黑。920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQKCIux9etn
920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzZjaVKJNdB
「好啦，唔使解釋。」妍妍被我的慌張樣子逗笑，「你真係除左射箭咩都唔識架喎。」920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMTLw3P5bxL
920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZIi39C7Ef6
「連你都咁講，嗚…」920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡegOrDkGB5U
920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvlxyA51lxb
「咁樣先係你既賣點。」妍妍輕撫我被海風吹亂的頭髮說。920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWRA5iOmjjt
920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5vMIgydNs3
同樣是看到我使出全力追求童桐，情聖在我身上看到自己沒有之物並覺得耀眼，而妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己並覺得懷念。920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0TBsmBWpot
920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLYRakUkxAg
我完全不覺我自己會為任何人帶來啟發，但似乎他們不這樣認為。920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ10jCk4hnPh
920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYrPeujHdO4
「咁你以後有咩打算？既然個個人已經連婚都結埋。」我說。920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrVEaO1BBov
920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhyiugIYFVj
「……我唔知。」妍妍看著海的雙眼變得空洞，不過她還把頭靠在我肩上，我很有信心她沒有任何投海的念頭。920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0bzaYlSiXz
920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoZW8oyhrTR
然後她開口問：「你呢，如果最後童桐都係唔同你一齊，你又有咩打算？」920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9L4WKvPh0D
920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwLsxRW3ADd
「……我唔知。」我給出和妍妍一模一樣的答案。920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpHpECvfkei
920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo2fA38aUcK
看來我真的沒有鼓勵人的天分，但畢竟我也自身難保嘛。920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBuGxRdcd6h
920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡavfCJGFNhD
「……」920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvsqkISFyS2
920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJU3W74m5hm
兩個不知還可以怎樣辦的人，就這樣互相倚靠在一起，坐在海邊喝著廉價的啤酒，吹著因暑氣而帶點異味的海風。920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaJPMRsJENK
920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6P7ao06e9I
不是甚麼事也能憑決心，憑努力去改寫的。920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0E2EW15F1P
920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnHB40d1C7O
夏天，也到尾聲了。920Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4PN7tweaP9
Penana
search
Loginarrow_drop_down
Registerarrow_drop_down
