又是一陣沉默,然後妍妍轉頭看著我問道:「呀遊。」923Please respect copyright.PENANAKFi0Npr28A
923Please respect copyright.PENANAzopFknduWT
「…係?」我回答。923Please respect copyright.PENANAjz1xk4sR7L
923Please respect copyright.PENANABTyawiUZ2w
「你覺得PTGF係做D咩?」923Please respect copyright.PENANAoqRMWkJx5W
923Please respect copyright.PENANAOHivVamB00
PDGF,是Part Time Girl Friend簡寫,老實說不是甚麼新興東西,以往的名字有很多,援交,出租女友,兼職女友,爸爸活,Sugar Daddy之類…當然,仔細劃分用字定義還是能分出差異的,但…923Please respect copyright.PENANA3Le7Y0CyI8
923Please respect copyright.PENANAKb8xpIjGa9
「因金錢利益與男性發生關係」,這點應該不會錯。923Please respect copyright.PENANATKHr0hwLQ3
923Please respect copyright.PENANAcMwgyspTqp
妍妍看著海說:「嗯,可以咁講…雖然有D女仔堅持唔上床,只係行街睇戲食飯拖手之類,但係…」923Please respect copyright.PENANA3WvVoJlyX4
923Please respect copyright.PENANAbrIvpIGtSD
我等著她最後那句。923Please respect copyright.PENANAteI3VeDOke
923Please respect copyright.PENANAPY9WhiYgsq
「…我唔係個種。」妍妍說。923Please respect copyright.PENANA1aftVVUnRU
923Please respect copyright.PENANAZym2lVoYNi
「嗯,我聽緊。」我說。923Please respect copyright.PENANAuapYgeA6JF
923Please respect copyright.PENANAyBoLRIxZ5K
她看看我,似乎發現我表情眼神沒甚麼變化後似乎放鬆了一點:「我仲以為你會介意添。」923Please respect copyright.PENANAvpVZSVrD7a
923Please respect copyright.PENANAlxbmw8veht
我失笑:「我又唔係你邊個,有咩好介意?」923Please respect copyright.PENANAa7mjCLBJFi
923Please respect copyright.PENANAn28Tn6wbDz
「即係如果我同你親密D既你就會介意?」她反問。923Please respect copyright.PENANADnStMfaU6C
923Please respect copyright.PENANAxEPER2d5EI
「我唔回答假設性問題。」我擺出官腔,因為我真的不知道。923Please respect copyright.PENANA6YlAw5QsZm
923Please respect copyright.PENANA6NHSgySzop
妍妍喝一口啤酒:「不過都唔係每個男仔我都會同佢做…普通都係遊下車河,去船P,食飯個D,如果真係岩Feel同信得過既先會做。」923Please respect copyright.PENANAJ1N1VtAN1d
923Please respect copyright.PENANACC1pqMj0eE
「咁…」923Please respect copyright.PENANAwXKAtJT6wy
923Please respect copyright.PENANAGr6zIvQFkc
感覺我說甚麼也會錯。923Please respect copyright.PENANABV0QeiuVvL
923Please respect copyright.PENANATKosO2dAVS
「之前我咪問你關於Deep-World,黑PR既事…我都係係客身上聽返黎,有錢人就有呢D門路,總之,我係想搵黑PR黎對付我唯一既個個EX 。」923Please respect copyright.PENANA2AkZ3f7cxh
923Please respect copyright.PENANAH9A6Ld5d6L
妍妍說過她是A1,即是現在單身,但曾拍過一次拖。923Please respect copyright.PENANArI9trQOxAB
923Please respect copyright.PENANA2kNwAzCuJj
「嗯,你講過。」923Please respect copyright.PENANAxrTnBe6czH
923Please respect copyright.PENANAAJyXGd1JBD
「但我估唔到你會記住。」她說,「估唔到你會記到童桐以外既事啊?」923Please respect copyright.PENANA02aySo3kAi
923Please respect copyright.PENANAfXKwmUMtVW
「咪笑我啦。」923Please respect copyright.PENANAovtn8egYo9
923Please respect copyright.PENANAZmRLlIW2Vx
她笑了。923Please respect copyright.PENANArXlwGgdUnX
923Please respect copyright.PENANANqy5uEfhM0
「尋日係好日,佢就係尋日結婚…」妍妍看著漆黑的海說,「終於都完,感覺就好似發左場夢咁。」923Please respect copyright.PENANAS9VzSTD0M3
923Please respect copyright.PENANA3jox3mo8fS
「係好夢定惡夢?」923Please respect copyright.PENANAUdaWfZuPTR
923Please respect copyright.PENANAdEb5sEyY2Y
「…同現實比,係好夢。」她說,「同個時我地打算過既將來比,係惡夢。」923Please respect copyright.PENANAwZJaMkEeq7
923Please respect copyright.PENANAvW4juEQnjG
我仔細咀嚼這一句當中的含意。923Please respect copyright.PENANAklHFGUJSkb
923Please respect copyright.PENANA0WNdgU5dFa
「曾經我同你一樣啊,呀遊。」她說,「曾經我都將一個人視為全宇宙,視為我既一切,我既世界就係圍住佢轉。過去,現在,未來,都因佢而起,因佢而存在,亦因佢而有寄望。」923Please respect copyright.PENANAWYKMh7ho2Z
923Please respect copyright.PENANAGlkK6MdBQ4
雖然我猜到了個大概,但我決定沉默。923Please respect copyright.PENANAOuAYEyS3PL
923Please respect copyright.PENANArpWvfgjb3f
有時候甚麼也不回應,只是陪伴,就是最好的回應。923Please respect copyright.PENANAJQV9nL6Mh4
923Please respect copyright.PENANAw6fUiJZ2gh
「我係你身上,就好似睇到曾經既自己咁。」妍妍說。923Please respect copyright.PENANAvEEB6WPJ7Z
923Please respect copyright.PENANAB6RYUQE2QR
然後,她把頭靠到我的肩膊上。923Please respect copyright.PENANAqVSS7yINzm
923Please respect copyright.PENANAV1irTFFi2y
「仲相信愛情,只為左一個人而活,全心,全靈,為左自己鐘意既人博盡全力去爭取,連對手係植嵐晨咁既級數既人都繼續前進。」923Please respect copyright.PENANAo4WNn5KugZ
923Please respect copyright.PENANAgRdjVzlNlG
她一頭棕髮沿我胸膛傾瀉而下,撲鼻而來的是她頭髮的香氣夾雜海水咸味。923Please respect copyright.PENANAtusgjGzgDW
923Please respect copyright.PENANAXOPu2lIo3C
妍妍深呼吸,然後嘆了一口氣:「唉,但…依加已經完晒,其實早就應該完,當年就應該完,係我一直放佢唔低,直到佢尋日婚都結埋…我先知道一直走唔出去既人係我,亦…只有我一個。」923Please respect copyright.PENANA3YnNT1DvSJ
923Please respect copyright.PENANAYswwaqbLaz
在之前我也想像過童桐結婚而新郎不是我的畫面。923Please respect copyright.PENANAK8RTVXBZ2A
923Please respect copyright.PENANAgB8nHzDLct
在之後,我連想像的勇氣也沒有。923Please respect copyright.PENANAkAmpTTiqBY
923Please respect copyright.PENANAltIW3rHNn1
那是信仰的崩潰,世界的崩潰。923Please respect copyright.PENANAvNrb0dfccV
923Please respect copyright.PENANAouLC5FLFtY
萬物的崩潰。923Please respect copyright.PENANAv7SqN0Va10
923Please respect copyright.PENANAyJoXjfRwSD
「所以你分手之後做PTGF…係因為…」923Please respect copyright.PENANAJOszJSKPYq
923Please respect copyright.PENANAyv10Yg6jMz
「我以為佢會在意。」妍妍自嘲地冷笑,「至少以為佢會嬲,佢會話我污糟之類,但係…佢根本完全唔在意,我試過自己上網唱佢,佢都係理都唔理,本身至少想佢憎我,如果可以,我想佢至少憎我一世。」923Please respect copyright.PENANAGoGg6CbGBT
923Please respect copyright.PENANASF1zpThxWl
妍妍說著說著,眼淚便靜靜的淌下。923Please respect copyright.PENANAxnbbz9rdRc
923Please respect copyright.PENANA9dnvAU2Bp4
「點解…點解連憎我一世都唔可以?」妍妍哽咽地說,哭著的她全身在發抖。923Please respect copyright.PENANAyVz7UDRRIf
923Please respect copyright.PENANABlkDhhQsMz
愛的反面不是憎恨。923Please respect copyright.PENANAAgs8gq0BPO
923Please respect copyright.PENANAR03KVVeBS5
愛的反面是徹底的無視和冷漠。923Please respect copyright.PENANAUW1kcNIUnM
923Please respect copyright.PENANAULeu3H1fsq
不知道是不是她已經習慣了這表情,竟然連抹也不打算抹,恍如連自己也要放棄自己一樣。923Please respect copyright.PENANAEo6T6m5fCb
923Please respect copyright.PENANAoAwOr6Bo79
這光景,我看過。923Please respect copyright.PENANAjMagbxsYuL
923Please respect copyright.PENANAfEQzyyejFX
我在曾經的自己身上看過。923Please respect copyright.PENANABpr5RZf0JU
923Please respect copyright.PENANAqplMzOdUyv
「你唔應該咁對自己。」我掏出紙巾輕印她的眼淚,「始終要放下。」923Please respect copyright.PENANAVbTJpRf9rn
923Please respect copyright.PENANARJ7Wipmw34
「我知,但我做唔到。」把頭枕在我肩上的妍妍說,「等於我叫你放下童桐一樣。」923Please respect copyright.PENANAyq74K4RYL8
923Please respect copyright.PENANAuxK6OhCfQb
「無可能。」我搖頭。923Please respect copyright.PENANAREOCOkTnB9
923Please respect copyright.PENANAeDUTrP0MiU
「嗯,無可能。」她點頭。923Please respect copyright.PENANATQRkdWSJ9e
923Please respect copyright.PENANAoDWE5JkT1b
她繼續說:「一開始我只係咁自暴自棄,後來…我就覺得無所謂,點都無所謂,同唔同既男仔去玩,去蒲,做咩都好…我已經無所謂,過得一日就一日,反正又有錢收。」923Please respect copyright.PENANA3WdMzXBBlK
923Please respect copyright.PENANAunczO7KK6n
她打了個哆嗦,然後說:「既然唔知做咩好,咁樣就做咩都得。」923Please respect copyright.PENANAWIEcDxk8EK
923Please respect copyright.PENANAAEi1HOMtwB
失去人生目標的滋味,我倒還記憶猶新,大約幾小時前吧。923Please respect copyright.PENANA8vgazG1Io5
923Please respect copyright.PENANAaDVTSeSmen
而且再往前回溯,在中學畢業後的暑假我也是這樣,唯一等待的就是自己慢慢在角落腐爛,做任何事也只是因本能而行動,也不記得今天是星期幾,幾月幾日,因為沒有需要。923Please respect copyright.PENANAqKVIsNepcp
923Please respect copyright.PENANA5AwVw8Se3i
甚麼也再沒需要了。923Please respect copyright.PENANAKh8VZwqylP
923Please respect copyright.PENANAR4vIhp6YrK
妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己。923Please respect copyright.PENANAqiP28HJO7o
923Please respect copyright.PENANA3RKNgrMRsT
我也在妍妍身上看到曾經的自己。923Please respect copyright.PENANASuLw3KWJsJ
923Please respect copyright.PENANA1mqzfv7ZIA
我把自己那時的頹然喪志和妍妍說了個大概,她同樣地靜靜的聽著,而且聽著聽著她把自己雙腳抱住,似乎好像聽到甚麼不願意回想起的事一樣。923Please respect copyright.PENANAkpst0OTTgJ
923Please respect copyright.PENANAZRjFkJkvKN
話畢。923Please respect copyright.PENANA3l03dOT4Wj
923Please respect copyright.PENANAC2zRXKeYuX
妍妍閉上眼思考了一會兒,然後開口說:「睇黎我黎搵你呻係正確既選擇。」923Please respect copyright.PENANAh3rcNR0Exc
923Please respect copyright.PENANAmSVpqabCTH
「你想既,幾時都可以。」923Please respect copyright.PENANAbxUqlU2fyi
923Please respect copyright.PENANAxvQKtvgMSR
她沉默了片刻。923Please respect copyright.PENANAMX1IrpRPsS
923Please respect copyright.PENANAm4S6WVorKl
「咁你個時點走出去?」她問我。923Please respect copyright.PENANA9ObmC8WPzu
923Please respect copyright.PENANAONmCesWA0P
「一黎童桐唔俾我繼續摺落去喇。」我說,「二黎就係射返箭,射箭個時個人會好專心,射中靶會好有成功感,漸漸就走左出黎。」923Please respect copyright.PENANAcrjr65GMgZ
923Please respect copyright.PENANAjd0WLgXsED
「無興趣。」她微笑說。923Please respect copyright.PENANAxWcUtcxTW7
923Please respect copyright.PENANAkgo043TjTO
「…咁點解個時你唔搵我?至少我可以好似童桐拖我出房咁樣幫你,我地細個都一齊玩過,我唔會唔理你。」我說。923Please respect copyright.PENANAa81QcNaP1P
923Please respect copyright.PENANA7tqLw0HtJs
「個時我都未搵返你。我地細個個時又無Facebook IG呢D。」妍妍說,「係去到情聖係TG Group臨時要女仔同你去街,我先知個個係你。」923Please respect copyright.PENANAO3jqUGZvDS
923Please respect copyright.PENANAKCqB3pq24Q
「係咪…好失望?」我苦笑,「搞到要搵PTGF………雖,雖然係用黎激童桐啦,我本身都無諗住要搵PTGF,一日都係情聖自把自為,未未未未等到30歲轉生做魔法師囉…」923Please respect copyright.PENANAs2CRk4ChX8
923Please respect copyright.PENANAVaFddGI27w
我說到了後半句才發現自己的發言何等窩囊,馬上手忙腳亂地想修正,但是似乎愈描愈黑。923Please respect copyright.PENANA0ZUW9FBBdF
923Please respect copyright.PENANAbMVSHmEqJJ
「好啦,唔使解釋。」妍妍被我的慌張樣子逗笑,「你真係除左射箭咩都唔識架喎。」923Please respect copyright.PENANAA0vor8Ex1c
923Please respect copyright.PENANABVzCxlHRIr
「連你都咁講,嗚…」923Please respect copyright.PENANAUyjP6za2IW
923Please respect copyright.PENANABnNikJhXRW
「咁樣先係你既賣點。」妍妍輕撫我被海風吹亂的頭髮說。923Please respect copyright.PENANAoBV3PFrZxb
923Please respect copyright.PENANA7rVRsLQoj8
同樣是看到我使出全力追求童桐,情聖在我身上看到自己沒有之物並覺得耀眼,而妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己並覺得懷念。923Please respect copyright.PENANA0NRaidXKDS
923Please respect copyright.PENANAwC97Qx8hDr
我完全不覺我自己會為任何人帶來啟發,但似乎他們不這樣認為。923Please respect copyright.PENANAppcN6oZ9Dz
923Please respect copyright.PENANAk1KdO6oKjM
「咁你以後有咩打算?既然個個人已經連婚都結埋。」我說。923Please respect copyright.PENANACOu0NceGGz
923Please respect copyright.PENANAe6wxoQaKWz
「……我唔知。」妍妍看著海的雙眼變得空洞,不過她還把頭靠在我肩上,我很有信心她沒有任何投海的念頭。923Please respect copyright.PENANA9zRbNBU7ja
923Please respect copyright.PENANADSe9XJWmwv
然後她開口問:「你呢,如果最後童桐都係唔同你一齊,你又有咩打算?」923Please respect copyright.PENANARKACzDDisi
923Please respect copyright.PENANAysJijEtvq1
「……我唔知。」我給出和妍妍一模一樣的答案。923Please respect copyright.PENANAyLKjb5bPcg
923Please respect copyright.PENANAtyrF5TppAo
看來我真的沒有鼓勵人的天分,但畢竟我也自身難保嘛。923Please respect copyright.PENANAbQ8yPPffAL
923Please respect copyright.PENANAc3KIXMYtlX
「……」923Please respect copyright.PENANAdPERm4FXu7
923Please respect copyright.PENANAVX6Sp18Mwi
兩個不知還可以怎樣辦的人,就這樣互相倚靠在一起,坐在海邊喝著廉價的啤酒,吹著因暑氣而帶點異味的海風。923Please respect copyright.PENANA5w3xxM8cHr
923Please respect copyright.PENANAjaCN8o1iuO
不是甚麼事也能憑決心,憑努力去改寫的。923Please respect copyright.PENANAAJMN5igFYP
923Please respect copyright.PENANAEsrG47f1fn
夏天,也到尾聲了。923Please respect copyright.PENANA1n2Htpo48f