又是一陣沉默,然後妍妍轉頭看著我問道:「呀遊。」920Please respect copyright.PENANAvpKOBtZyGD
920Please respect copyright.PENANAoyERgq8evZ
「…係?」我回答。920Please respect copyright.PENANAK3EEeXNLi3
920Please respect copyright.PENANA7RnHBRk00B
「你覺得PTGF係做D咩?」920Please respect copyright.PENANAuZjvJ12zj1
920Please respect copyright.PENANAq8ZDSAoeMm
PDGF,是Part Time Girl Friend簡寫,老實說不是甚麼新興東西,以往的名字有很多,援交,出租女友,兼職女友,爸爸活,Sugar Daddy之類…當然,仔細劃分用字定義還是能分出差異的,但…920Please respect copyright.PENANAKqPPMOzuXE
920Please respect copyright.PENANArKsmpoweCE
「因金錢利益與男性發生關係」,這點應該不會錯。920Please respect copyright.PENANArTMIctmkyV
920Please respect copyright.PENANACUZ0WcSj8J
妍妍看著海說:「嗯,可以咁講…雖然有D女仔堅持唔上床,只係行街睇戲食飯拖手之類,但係…」920Please respect copyright.PENANAcJ7tEeWxI5
920Please respect copyright.PENANAgJKS5Shxqa
我等著她最後那句。920Please respect copyright.PENANAFe3EeoRVjj
920Please respect copyright.PENANAvobCTmnorQ
「…我唔係個種。」妍妍說。920Please respect copyright.PENANAz59UKJgbjJ
920Please respect copyright.PENANAm77xYSk45Y
「嗯,我聽緊。」我說。920Please respect copyright.PENANAO8sLhouM5B
920Please respect copyright.PENANABbPOyomoxv
她看看我,似乎發現我表情眼神沒甚麼變化後似乎放鬆了一點:「我仲以為你會介意添。」920Please respect copyright.PENANAdd5PFyL2Nf
920Please respect copyright.PENANABnOLYifWKK
我失笑:「我又唔係你邊個,有咩好介意?」920Please respect copyright.PENANAfUcwW9ZgGX
920Please respect copyright.PENANAT6jKj53g3u
「即係如果我同你親密D既你就會介意?」她反問。920Please respect copyright.PENANAyJ1KfJ02Ib
920Please respect copyright.PENANAjNKA42TEln
「我唔回答假設性問題。」我擺出官腔,因為我真的不知道。920Please respect copyright.PENANAujqiYeKt4Z
920Please respect copyright.PENANA6RTj25quQu
妍妍喝一口啤酒:「不過都唔係每個男仔我都會同佢做…普通都係遊下車河,去船P,食飯個D,如果真係岩Feel同信得過既先會做。」920Please respect copyright.PENANAZV0nQ0cUjW
920Please respect copyright.PENANASgzqN0aPex
「咁…」920Please respect copyright.PENANAbYjxG5EoYZ
920Please respect copyright.PENANAIYsnn5Brcj
感覺我說甚麼也會錯。920Please respect copyright.PENANAmVXPEnnMGN
920Please respect copyright.PENANAxyb6o0KS1S
「之前我咪問你關於Deep-World,黑PR既事…我都係係客身上聽返黎,有錢人就有呢D門路,總之,我係想搵黑PR黎對付我唯一既個個EX 。」920Please respect copyright.PENANAIWGX8VUhV5
920Please respect copyright.PENANAAtGk9T5lww
妍妍說過她是A1,即是現在單身,但曾拍過一次拖。920Please respect copyright.PENANA1031DbrrbX
920Please respect copyright.PENANAMRXPSIZ3Og
「嗯,你講過。」920Please respect copyright.PENANAM9PZgoIZ1H
920Please respect copyright.PENANAySejIgFDWs
「但我估唔到你會記住。」她說,「估唔到你會記到童桐以外既事啊?」920Please respect copyright.PENANAnn5fRHpR10
920Please respect copyright.PENANAIXL5261ZNz
「咪笑我啦。」920Please respect copyright.PENANALawxT6nSIA
920Please respect copyright.PENANA2zwZYteIMW
她笑了。920Please respect copyright.PENANADLbeMt7can
920Please respect copyright.PENANAko1GAFBMBb
「尋日係好日,佢就係尋日結婚…」妍妍看著漆黑的海說,「終於都完,感覺就好似發左場夢咁。」920Please respect copyright.PENANAA8zICtM3tb
920Please respect copyright.PENANA8qOEV4Fskd
「係好夢定惡夢?」920Please respect copyright.PENANAtURzdMmh3o
920Please respect copyright.PENANAr9EUgwUQwl
「…同現實比,係好夢。」她說,「同個時我地打算過既將來比,係惡夢。」920Please respect copyright.PENANAHyVVcxdV0h
920Please respect copyright.PENANA7hhwxePkGy
我仔細咀嚼這一句當中的含意。920Please respect copyright.PENANAZkK00T9vST
920Please respect copyright.PENANA64BmrJatpb
「曾經我同你一樣啊,呀遊。」她說,「曾經我都將一個人視為全宇宙,視為我既一切,我既世界就係圍住佢轉。過去,現在,未來,都因佢而起,因佢而存在,亦因佢而有寄望。」920Please respect copyright.PENANAegvk9dgXR7
920Please respect copyright.PENANAMFJygwIro0
雖然我猜到了個大概,但我決定沉默。920Please respect copyright.PENANAgIDqb4fkE6
920Please respect copyright.PENANA3w5OugUoib
有時候甚麼也不回應,只是陪伴,就是最好的回應。920Please respect copyright.PENANADuXlIsDjab
920Please respect copyright.PENANAYqr5VWprhJ
「我係你身上,就好似睇到曾經既自己咁。」妍妍說。920Please respect copyright.PENANA9F5O60JONl
920Please respect copyright.PENANAx2AXTWDlr8
然後,她把頭靠到我的肩膊上。920Please respect copyright.PENANAaRF6CBgUQs
920Please respect copyright.PENANA5rFz4BtN0E
「仲相信愛情,只為左一個人而活,全心,全靈,為左自己鐘意既人博盡全力去爭取,連對手係植嵐晨咁既級數既人都繼續前進。」920Please respect copyright.PENANABVPru1bwTI
920Please respect copyright.PENANAV4to4quzJs
她一頭棕髮沿我胸膛傾瀉而下,撲鼻而來的是她頭髮的香氣夾雜海水咸味。920Please respect copyright.PENANAkj0qngUKio
920Please respect copyright.PENANATDNQV3dosj
妍妍深呼吸,然後嘆了一口氣:「唉,但…依加已經完晒,其實早就應該完,當年就應該完,係我一直放佢唔低,直到佢尋日婚都結埋…我先知道一直走唔出去既人係我,亦…只有我一個。」920Please respect copyright.PENANASyxiKdqI3l
920Please respect copyright.PENANApxHjyNbbg4
在之前我也想像過童桐結婚而新郎不是我的畫面。920Please respect copyright.PENANAwX47Di7Tfv
920Please respect copyright.PENANArITHyThRI7
在之後,我連想像的勇氣也沒有。920Please respect copyright.PENANAXJz7ojs5ET
920Please respect copyright.PENANAHr2tHb3uvg
那是信仰的崩潰,世界的崩潰。920Please respect copyright.PENANAakv6SqgVfi
920Please respect copyright.PENANAv1ESq3HnMB
萬物的崩潰。920Please respect copyright.PENANA0NsPRfSPB6
920Please respect copyright.PENANAaOJVgZoor0
「所以你分手之後做PTGF…係因為…」920Please respect copyright.PENANAI8VwhkQQAV
920Please respect copyright.PENANAtJ0tUmXf5a
「我以為佢會在意。」妍妍自嘲地冷笑,「至少以為佢會嬲,佢會話我污糟之類,但係…佢根本完全唔在意,我試過自己上網唱佢,佢都係理都唔理,本身至少想佢憎我,如果可以,我想佢至少憎我一世。」920Please respect copyright.PENANAh31Zeo4Vkb
920Please respect copyright.PENANAz94TMefDLe
妍妍說著說著,眼淚便靜靜的淌下。920Please respect copyright.PENANAM5nOkuJPib
920Please respect copyright.PENANAHH8BrtO3VJ
「點解…點解連憎我一世都唔可以?」妍妍哽咽地說,哭著的她全身在發抖。920Please respect copyright.PENANANNrsTK29xV
920Please respect copyright.PENANAoUBuCnq5Kn
愛的反面不是憎恨。920Please respect copyright.PENANAYcVvwIzEfr
920Please respect copyright.PENANAaNt880V5re
愛的反面是徹底的無視和冷漠。920Please respect copyright.PENANA0IB8aCJKcK
920Please respect copyright.PENANAGNzSy3ropK
不知道是不是她已經習慣了這表情,竟然連抹也不打算抹,恍如連自己也要放棄自己一樣。920Please respect copyright.PENANAQprTO5BiOk
920Please respect copyright.PENANA6ACxPiVral
這光景,我看過。920Please respect copyright.PENANA1fPac6Mdnv
920Please respect copyright.PENANAGMHSU5MhTI
我在曾經的自己身上看過。920Please respect copyright.PENANAA20yZpxNQU
920Please respect copyright.PENANAphqJZY8pwr
「你唔應該咁對自己。」我掏出紙巾輕印她的眼淚,「始終要放下。」920Please respect copyright.PENANAhY6p8AMSu0
920Please respect copyright.PENANAdWtqzYKbFM
「我知,但我做唔到。」把頭枕在我肩上的妍妍說,「等於我叫你放下童桐一樣。」920Please respect copyright.PENANAoVqc5g089h
920Please respect copyright.PENANAVbcl4S6RPG
「無可能。」我搖頭。920Please respect copyright.PENANArQktULzIvo
920Please respect copyright.PENANAIv7044myFe
「嗯,無可能。」她點頭。920Please respect copyright.PENANART8skN8eGl
920Please respect copyright.PENANAxWQxv2z5hQ
她繼續說:「一開始我只係咁自暴自棄,後來…我就覺得無所謂,點都無所謂,同唔同既男仔去玩,去蒲,做咩都好…我已經無所謂,過得一日就一日,反正又有錢收。」920Please respect copyright.PENANAVwzQK7NVgA
920Please respect copyright.PENANAhMnChp8iTT
她打了個哆嗦,然後說:「既然唔知做咩好,咁樣就做咩都得。」920Please respect copyright.PENANApJAcOAGFUD
920Please respect copyright.PENANAjHphKH2MrS
失去人生目標的滋味,我倒還記憶猶新,大約幾小時前吧。920Please respect copyright.PENANAuHYvAnr9ga
920Please respect copyright.PENANAosiR93Ym4e
而且再往前回溯,在中學畢業後的暑假我也是這樣,唯一等待的就是自己慢慢在角落腐爛,做任何事也只是因本能而行動,也不記得今天是星期幾,幾月幾日,因為沒有需要。920Please respect copyright.PENANAesU9fmH61d
920Please respect copyright.PENANAKzPsqYTD6z
甚麼也再沒需要了。920Please respect copyright.PENANAAP6CYJkDbp
920Please respect copyright.PENANAabuU9w88w2
妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己。920Please respect copyright.PENANAtUHy1gSvaQ
920Please respect copyright.PENANAOh9SG4Bc2i
我也在妍妍身上看到曾經的自己。920Please respect copyright.PENANA5pBQaGcBOS
920Please respect copyright.PENANAEe12Av7yXw
我把自己那時的頹然喪志和妍妍說了個大概,她同樣地靜靜的聽著,而且聽著聽著她把自己雙腳抱住,似乎好像聽到甚麼不願意回想起的事一樣。920Please respect copyright.PENANALvnGOZsMcw
920Please respect copyright.PENANAxryBAtYBbS
話畢。920Please respect copyright.PENANAy7Q7H5gCB2
920Please respect copyright.PENANA4FF6djyNAz
妍妍閉上眼思考了一會兒,然後開口說:「睇黎我黎搵你呻係正確既選擇。」920Please respect copyright.PENANAgUr6P5FOT1
920Please respect copyright.PENANAc0nNQJBZd5
「你想既,幾時都可以。」920Please respect copyright.PENANAe51D4Bf0D3
920Please respect copyright.PENANArXkat7kINg
她沉默了片刻。920Please respect copyright.PENANAvQcw2oIJnM
920Please respect copyright.PENANAjwwGQRPMd0
「咁你個時點走出去?」她問我。920Please respect copyright.PENANAc3ZGDuAjoj
920Please respect copyright.PENANAGOUDIcphEf
「一黎童桐唔俾我繼續摺落去喇。」我說,「二黎就係射返箭,射箭個時個人會好專心,射中靶會好有成功感,漸漸就走左出黎。」920Please respect copyright.PENANAORV38EXrEg
920Please respect copyright.PENANAETEhziTvPY
「無興趣。」她微笑說。920Please respect copyright.PENANARQi3sdvwJK
920Please respect copyright.PENANAOAKfFHn3OJ
「…咁點解個時你唔搵我?至少我可以好似童桐拖我出房咁樣幫你,我地細個都一齊玩過,我唔會唔理你。」我說。920Please respect copyright.PENANAT7hnUpepyC
920Please respect copyright.PENANAAQmidA1o8a
「個時我都未搵返你。我地細個個時又無Facebook IG呢D。」妍妍說,「係去到情聖係TG Group臨時要女仔同你去街,我先知個個係你。」920Please respect copyright.PENANA9296g86FKY
920Please respect copyright.PENANATcyVXFPBGG
「係咪…好失望?」我苦笑,「搞到要搵PTGF………雖,雖然係用黎激童桐啦,我本身都無諗住要搵PTGF,一日都係情聖自把自為,未未未未等到30歲轉生做魔法師囉…」920Please respect copyright.PENANAn5TRY4EHw6
920Please respect copyright.PENANAwnbVH3aFwl
我說到了後半句才發現自己的發言何等窩囊,馬上手忙腳亂地想修正,但是似乎愈描愈黑。920Please respect copyright.PENANAQKCIux9etn
920Please respect copyright.PENANAzZjaVKJNdB
「好啦,唔使解釋。」妍妍被我的慌張樣子逗笑,「你真係除左射箭咩都唔識架喎。」920Please respect copyright.PENANAMTLw3P5bxL
920Please respect copyright.PENANAZIi39C7Ef6
「連你都咁講,嗚…」920Please respect copyright.PENANAegOrDkGB5U
920Please respect copyright.PENANAvlxyA51lxb
「咁樣先係你既賣點。」妍妍輕撫我被海風吹亂的頭髮說。920Please respect copyright.PENANAWRA5iOmjjt
920Please respect copyright.PENANA5vMIgydNs3
同樣是看到我使出全力追求童桐,情聖在我身上看到自己沒有之物並覺得耀眼,而妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己並覺得懷念。920Please respect copyright.PENANA0TBsmBWpot
920Please respect copyright.PENANALYRakUkxAg
我完全不覺我自己會為任何人帶來啟發,但似乎他們不這樣認為。920Please respect copyright.PENANA10jCk4hnPh
920Please respect copyright.PENANAYrPeujHdO4
「咁你以後有咩打算?既然個個人已經連婚都結埋。」我說。920Please respect copyright.PENANArVEaO1BBov
920Please respect copyright.PENANAhyiugIYFVj
「……我唔知。」妍妍看著海的雙眼變得空洞,不過她還把頭靠在我肩上,我很有信心她沒有任何投海的念頭。920Please respect copyright.PENANA0bzaYlSiXz
920Please respect copyright.PENANAoZW8oyhrTR
然後她開口問:「你呢,如果最後童桐都係唔同你一齊,你又有咩打算?」920Please respect copyright.PENANA9L4WKvPh0D
920Please respect copyright.PENANAwLsxRW3ADd
「……我唔知。」我給出和妍妍一模一樣的答案。920Please respect copyright.PENANApHpECvfkei
920Please respect copyright.PENANAo2fA38aUcK
看來我真的沒有鼓勵人的天分,但畢竟我也自身難保嘛。920Please respect copyright.PENANABuGxRdcd6h
920Please respect copyright.PENANAavfCJGFNhD
「……」920Please respect copyright.PENANAvsqkISFyS2
920Please respect copyright.PENANAJU3W74m5hm
兩個不知還可以怎樣辦的人,就這樣互相倚靠在一起,坐在海邊喝著廉價的啤酒,吹著因暑氣而帶點異味的海風。920Please respect copyright.PENANAaJPMRsJENK
920Please respect copyright.PENANA6P7ao06e9I
不是甚麼事也能憑決心,憑努力去改寫的。920Please respect copyright.PENANA0E2EW15F1P
920Please respect copyright.PENANAnHB40d1C7O
夏天,也到尾聲了。920Please respect copyright.PENANA4PN7tweaP9