但現實是這樣又如何？981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtS36Xvzais
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZISnhLwygB
沒法理解，沒法接受。981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF2ORocWVvH
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw0imL8KMmQ
童桐變了，已經不再是我小時候認識的那個她。981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ0lagk8Clj
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbdBXGnQwIf
但現實對我來說，過於…難以理解。981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmLOJJXcRg0
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfzcKfvzzRp
她甚至連一個苦衷也不編，一個謊也不撒。981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu3wH4Ts5M0
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW70e8DkUNh
要該高興嗎，還是要哭？我曾經視她如宗教一樣的存在，現在卻。981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK7LsXbyWrX
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhVKow3TFjK
現在卻。981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9g06gVS4OU
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz5iTRqr1EY
感覺最近情緒上的衝擊，我已沒法作出正確的反應，腦海被攪成一團糊糨。我掩著臉搖著頭，恍如因射箭而滿是厚繭的雙手，能為我提供一個避風港。981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWHhMG8Wrxz
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLuy57t9jiq
因為我的避風巷已經毀了。981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTXEgJHIUfg
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1sSHNg4KlY
因為我的童年…981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6JMBd9DYD2
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwqyNROvkWr
…真真正正的，結束了。981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyTgew4GXmL
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYU4pnZqEPT
「呀遊，我地都有唔想俾任何人見到既一面…我相信你都有。」童桐說，「但即使係咁…我都會接受，呀遊，因為由所有面向組成既…先係完整既你。」981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ86sI2gSapT
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv7Kc2b5CFA
甚麼是好人，甚麼是壞人？981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlz18mTb1oK
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLJwqKtVyHH
壞人在自己的故事中，也是一個英雄。981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf7Z7XGLNJx
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDBEnrftwt0
捐錢幫助窮人的慈善家，也有人視之為資本主義中的剝削者。981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqUWWHljMuY
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH4wPXBTnIT
不用說到這樣宏大，我媽也不是沒被人說過HR死全家，我爸把釣到的魚放上網和人分享也被動保主義者說血腥屠夫。981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ347uEruDJW
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1zZNBGcUTE
但對我來說，二人都是父母，是家人。981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbciNosK27N
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsS7ElFlVa1
不同人對於不同人來說，可以同時是好人，同時亦是壞人。981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Pwe30QhFG
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo2WEwFnkYi
…但當距離親近如我和童桐這樣，所有面向便互相嵌鑲成一個完整的存在，並非一個單獨面向。981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT0aVszDBAt
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJAcaX0KxBp
愛慕她的好。981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0lzd3ysdgg
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWmbil9odCy
便要接受她的壞。981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1wRgmxmqKU
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHytIIUrHhZ
我竟然天真的曾經以為童桐只有好的那一面，如甚麼完美的聖女。981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpcdMQOMDxR
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrgAygnhUJ6
現在殘酷而赤裸裸的事實放在眼前，至於接受與否便是我們的課題了。981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS1ewQJDOj4
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡalmcPBXjJJ
即使我和童桐身上都穿著衣服，但卻比起過往十多年來任何時候還要更加赤裸，更加坦誠相見。981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB1Jfig9ovL
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjVJcqIwaGR
「你肯定？」我冷冷地說。981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYySFcVvtXj
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqZUDugj6gq
她還不知道我幹了甚麼。981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ39scSA6ftf
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnu6oBA7E6T
她還不知道我曾經打算幹甚麼。981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7qybQcDTWc
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaDtQPnQpmo
「…嗯。」她說，「我，我又有咩資格話你？無論你做過咩都好…」981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3SG9Wb1WCn
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqVM3Y3LVna
童桐雙眼發光，好像在淹水中捉到了救生圈一樣。981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoPbeEk3dAK
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzpqrUHXBIT
「所以你覺得如果我都有一個黑暗面，一個黑化版既呀遊，我就同你一樣自私，同你一樣有唔見得光既一面，所以我地就平起平座，我就應該接受你，然後可以如以前一樣？」981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp9Cklu6945
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ38oq13H6Ix
「…唔係咁…」卻被我看穿了。981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn6g8qgFRkf
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyakSBfvhfe
「定係我咁講正合你意，咁樣你內心會舒服Ｄ，因為自甘墜落既人唔止你一個？」981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5avjepZnSS
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOQAZy14QcL
「唔係咁，唔係咁唔係咁，呀遊，唔好咁講，求下你…」童桐哭著說。981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVzCkVbywSE
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6rgtRFmIbr
「…童桐，我地永遠都唔可能好似以前一樣。」981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIZSNvbtRrU
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4mpzWXxIxP
然後，我推開了她。981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu5imcbDiOr
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiumRXlWVuA
史無前例地，我推開了正準近我，打算向我撒嬌的童桐。981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdEEfaw34Tw
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSDr5dZBOgP
「……」她露出寂寞的眼神。981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwdFGB5UEKE
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaWHPoKNiU4
「你講得岩，我都有另一面，我都有做過D唔想俾你知既事。」我低頭說，「但…我好亂，我唔知，我唔知點樣面對你，同你一樣。」981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1cEFXUNCgy
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ6tTvaYMkf
「邊個會無？我鐘意你，即使你有咩秘密都好我都一定會…」童桐說。981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmabtoxwZKu
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeE5XmQsy5U
「我係你就唔會咁講。」我苦笑。981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4gweEoCaPG
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKS6yWM7tmo
「係…？」981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9hHBq73efW
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdw1bWCmxym
「我個時都咁講過，我話無論你做過咩，有咩秘密我都會接受到…然後我個心就碎左。」我輕撫自己的胸口。981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2lptnvqC44
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtjvYd5VFEG
愈是鐘愛於幻象，現實就更加殘酷。981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfiYcZ8c4x4
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUqjzhwzc0p
夢中愈是甘甜，現實便愈見苦澀。981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcfmZdRxgt5
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ1ql54mgyB
「我唔信，呀遊你唔同我，你係個好人…」981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgxItcwdThb
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJcDvW8Z9rG
「我先唔係。」981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYOzmzs0bWS
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxKJK3yptgs
我早就不是甚麼好人。981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdFrMffYkbt
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5ycFHAJ2CV
從明明連人家名字還沒記住便去追求人家，胡亂表白開始，到之後的事。981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Qw4nf8w0Y
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcP7S41VQyL
我才不是「除了射箭甚麼也不會」的人。981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxtvWJAhCI0
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8IoR0cJVFz
「咁你講出黎。」她說，「我寧願你親口講，都唔想某日自己發現。」981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgLxN1OMb3V
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6cEDIPExvt
「……」981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxgRSSqop5r
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZvagIazSpv
是我害得植嵐晨自殺。981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6SOl7d0xmu
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR1UYv0nnbM
那天我差點按下了清理瀏覽記錄而間接害死他。981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnMAVEZE0M7
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu3qNEEyN28
為了勝利我打算吃禁藥。981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzKYF0r5DFY
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLlqhQ2Ol4C
我和妍妍有了肉體關係，但沒打算負責任。981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuIxwPlaZF2
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡywpMMp9dV7
當天第一次妍妍出現在水上樂園是，其實是PTGF。981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡulc5RZF0XR
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9UsID3nKTU
中學時那連串的表白行為，其中一些我可是明知有男朋友也照去馬。981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk5BsY3VeCE
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ7GZHdy3w8
……那年我打算過自殺，甚至已經完成了氦氣袋的試作型。981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfmiQirnbfP
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDzJpRtYB0K
「呀遊，我地大家今晚都互相坦白喇…然後睇下點樣互相接受到對方，好唔好？我唔想無左你呢個青梅竹馬，無論做唔做到情侶都好。」童桐說。981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa7cMGz1HEL
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeSHCjKmEFT
「我諗…今晚我地都攰。」我說，「我求其煮個公仔麵就返過去。」981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO9YerSksEa
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDU7BYauUye
「呀遊…」981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTX4McyaQ8J
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpikDeZ9rHA
「我會講。」我說，「只係…唔係今晚，我要，童桐，對唔住，我…做唔到…我好攰，我好撚亂呀，你明唔明呀。」981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE0PMVsbole
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVo2HiInis2
我試圖以過去的眼光看待她。981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkwh7XF8ISW
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTj58wBujIJ
做不到。981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvThwcdLtPx
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6daxfi4req
我試圖向她坦白自己做過的一切。981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi0lVDawo0r
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2TNLEaJW8I
做不到。981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7wjZwbCL5o
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5k24wMvuMa
既然我知道了她的真面目後這樣激動，這樣看待她，反過來…其實也一樣吧。981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVlTVEtWyHE
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSNtAJOLJA3
只是現在是我在暗，她在明，她才這樣向我告解一樣。981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmCMaXFufYU
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYYx6hOHliu
下午離開Beta那兒之前，他幫我設定了一個倒數計時，現在距離核彈爆炸只剩下１６７小時。981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHfnTd08vyi
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpVBxdGCeWV
我沒有高童桐一等，更別說是道德高地。981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡndvo8xnrtd
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Piyuf0HhL
所以我也沒法狠狠罵她一頓，然後說要帶她回正途，連這樣子我也做不到，這才是現在一切膠著，一切如陷五里霧中的原因。981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ20UpKv1bPy
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLhDkpdZFET
既，沒法坦白。981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFV5TCDrGAx
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡemimxD3iFr
又，沒法斥責。981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGyFq3tqJVR
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwE8AcTzGAL
既，沒法接受。981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡULd0cevvBk
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnIrY5kh4gy
也，沒法忘記。981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjo2snHTUCW
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhFTRmDAAW4
而且…也沒法理解。981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc0ujDMCYNd
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsL44istlay
明明妍妍叫我不用在意她，去處理和童桐之間的事，結果卻變成了這樣子。981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWs8amuBHnA
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEu7DlOxB45
反倒有點對不起她了呢，我這爛人。981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfdS0ayRzHh
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPkgdMp9jX4
我轉身胡亂地擦去眼淚，以免自己在童桐面前出醜。但這時背上傳來陣陣的溫暖，陣陣的柔軟，童桐從後抱住我，把頭靠到我背脊上，用耳朵貼住我的肌肉聆聽著我的心跳。981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡICVQ2L2G0L
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkrujqvum2h
「只要你係我身邊，你要嬲我幾耐都無所謂。」981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLKDjIbB1jV
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfTzFzXXqcp
「……」981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9gdog3pm0W
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJpqU1k2vK1
「因為我地都應承過大家，嬲幾耐都好，最後都會搵返對方，唔準絕交，唔準永遠唔彩對方落去架嘛。」981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8kMKfEQgym
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9DBNQXn2tX
她能聽到我的脈動，反之亦然。981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkXVqGGeg9j
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8pRSO4IOe7
我雖然沒法直接聽到，但我感受著童桐的每一下呼吸，每一下心跳，胸膛的每一起伏。981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL2VV1AMBul
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQfuzfNTHc7
「只要你無事就好，我個晚真係好驚。」童桐說。981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcojOvekhFO
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiKvLL5c4Zx
「嗯，我都睇到係你救左我。」981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNdZLYcp1GJ
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFKfLoKHX4H
「但即係係咁…即使你會討厭我，即使你個下已經知道左我係Dora,我唔知點面對你…我都唔想你有事。」981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5UtlfjyF9z
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAfQy0yBHF0
曾經她只求唯有我別討厭她。981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAhYAOJ2rI7
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxm6dmLXV3t
曾經她即使全世界討厭她也不怕，因為有我在她身邊。981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBuHhZGC7Sn
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt4PQou0vdL
…現在即使連我也討厭她，她也只想我安全健康。981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQClnKkEZgH
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9vI6oMjfsI
你叫我怎樣對你生氣，童桐。981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF7Kv1EUpJe
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeCaURc8yUq
「我…好多謝你，童桐。」我說，的確是她救了我。981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNrRXLvpAx3
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm13ZbKN38N
「…到你覺得可以講既時候，就同我講。」童桐說，「我地只要互相坦白，然後互相再接受，互相理解對方，一定可以捱過呢一關。」981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhfG2PpJrmi
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqiYVckEoxT
咦？981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRpYSGEjnEN
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTtrxJNwwR9
腦中如一道清泉流過…我覺得這就是我和童桐最大的差異之處。981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8LHYPeZST0
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbjP0yC6qeb
「接受與否」，是我的想法。981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEExjnTYykF
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE8AGkKhcUH
「如何接受」，是童桐的想法。981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0nHGMZUHYp
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVXY8xSFIVy
那天晚上我和童桐沒有得出任何答案，甚至說沒有任何進展。981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡapJxUNPId4
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLiKOpRcBzT
她甚至沒有提出我希望中的苦衷，使我可以諒解的苦衷，只能得出「性格使然」的絕望答案。981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLdOiGS68Nl
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡleR98CjBum
老實說，場面比我想像中平靜，至少我們沒有向對方咆哮或痛哭。981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVET6bVMiuf
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMiN6S5rQ9p
但是…無力感漸漸佔據了空氣，佔據了心底，連情緒該發洩向何處也沒有著力點。981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYFwD3e96Jg
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGB0g4Xk7Dv
我寧願和她痛痛快快吵一架，也不想這樣子…981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtK3lhoivgb
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnJdDLQZ5YI
…我真的不想。981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Dd9YAkWu8
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLpEtjxoyrS
至於和她坦白的話，我覺得不是時候，所以也沒有說出口。我需要時間去沉澱，去思考，去好好盤算接下來的做法。981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsOECZvAlzn
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ74AT5JYIps
活了在幻象中廿多年的我，被狠狠地摔到現實中。981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8nMj3mj9qx
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMnXpGQaxff
現在我要學習在現實中活下去。981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmoD60fwcVg
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT0roa2RL6W
第二天早上，距離核彈發射還有１５３小時。981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3hMGLq75TI
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw3WArLJRtR
童桐的窗簾現在到了早上醒來…也再沒有打開了。981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcCaXGwpodP
981Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlPjGXTi8Wq
那兒，只有一片茫然和我心中懷念。
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