但現實是這樣又如何？957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzlcn5K1lnG
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxuJI67FoQ6
沒法理解，沒法接受。957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡShWXyAw5su
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOj4bFrcuma
童桐變了，已經不再是我小時候認識的那個她。957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxvo8OYkLNn
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡItpCaLjWrD
但現實對我來說，過於…難以理解。957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD6uPmHsd4w
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXMU6sPQyP8
她甚至連一個苦衷也不編，一個謊也不撒。957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwstMd48lLr
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT1XZQl2Ik6
要該高興嗎，還是要哭？我曾經視她如宗教一樣的存在，現在卻。957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLXgFstApks
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpp3gs54Co8
現在卻。957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjmJ1Y55Yn2
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgzedG8zvpi
感覺最近情緒上的衝擊，我已沒法作出正確的反應，腦海被攪成一團糊糨。我掩著臉搖著頭，恍如因射箭而滿是厚繭的雙手，能為我提供一個避風港。957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0A0X1PH2UL
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3W6ktszgD9
因為我的避風巷已經毀了。957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvDafb0IaFt
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU6dRjT8CyU
因為我的童年…957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTJkxgZ7xfK
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq7QFZlrzwj
…真真正正的，結束了。957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKBh2amreSb
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2UtH5txUzL
「呀遊，我地都有唔想俾任何人見到既一面…我相信你都有。」童桐說，「但即使係咁…我都會接受，呀遊，因為由所有面向組成既…先係完整既你。」957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjEPwCQuL95
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6M5aOpXu2n
甚麼是好人，甚麼是壞人？957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡggM5qr4H50
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa2HQHT5oWp
壞人在自己的故事中，也是一個英雄。957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz8Q2H9RMHs
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtAXrZ7Ixni
捐錢幫助窮人的慈善家，也有人視之為資本主義中的剝削者。957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnBXScApzg9
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn1pjchXNpW
不用說到這樣宏大，我媽也不是沒被人說過HR死全家，我爸把釣到的魚放上網和人分享也被動保主義者說血腥屠夫。957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6EYxvIi8OD
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOvXXyyPoSF
但對我來說，二人都是父母，是家人。957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf6seBNuwk3
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4iSRgGI2D3
不同人對於不同人來說，可以同時是好人，同時亦是壞人。957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGWT4A7OOrb
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMOiHj36fFM
…但當距離親近如我和童桐這樣，所有面向便互相嵌鑲成一個完整的存在，並非一個單獨面向。957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhCHzdNhkQL
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKdoz9SMH90
愛慕她的好。957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuiSUT0pKc3
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI97bH1VdYM
便要接受她的壞。957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnzepuHe0ae
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWcM09L49pm
我竟然天真的曾經以為童桐只有好的那一面，如甚麼完美的聖女。957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡan7HZG3PnU
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJGt1B1p4Zj
現在殘酷而赤裸裸的事實放在眼前，至於接受與否便是我們的課題了。957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEA8hXDPa4e
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡik0Ql98LRV
即使我和童桐身上都穿著衣服，但卻比起過往十多年來任何時候還要更加赤裸，更加坦誠相見。957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAk2XPMSAe7
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmUDQJAt8Xy
「你肯定？」我冷冷地說。957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbceO2PWOyH
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvf5BCVCMpz
她還不知道我幹了甚麼。957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMoEkFsUj86
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSpXgKFlDDx
她還不知道我曾經打算幹甚麼。957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF5dEldlXKp
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8GvX1hMGFC
「…嗯。」她說，「我，我又有咩資格話你？無論你做過咩都好…」957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡch8usOYBZ8
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPiY6lbaKZr
童桐雙眼發光，好像在淹水中捉到了救生圈一樣。957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvNwqRJCGW3
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ86c74RWCGZ
「所以你覺得如果我都有一個黑暗面，一個黑化版既呀遊，我就同你一樣自私，同你一樣有唔見得光既一面，所以我地就平起平座，我就應該接受你，然後可以如以前一樣？」957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB5vy8Ok9Vm
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGX0hQ3QtJc
「…唔係咁…」卻被我看穿了。957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcIYQaMYrip
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4W5u5CKoho
「定係我咁講正合你意，咁樣你內心會舒服Ｄ，因為自甘墜落既人唔止你一個？」957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZzdc13meeQ
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd7K2TbJsxN
「唔係咁，唔係咁唔係咁，呀遊，唔好咁講，求下你…」童桐哭著說。957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTK6xmIdmqO
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnNqdoEl8Rp
「…童桐，我地永遠都唔可能好似以前一樣。」957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ88KGpUezgv
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw31FpzE13p
然後，我推開了她。957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWaBW3JbEKg
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPYP435mAjt
史無前例地，我推開了正準近我，打算向我撒嬌的童桐。957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj1NebMFc7u
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUBX0asZgab
「……」她露出寂寞的眼神。957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTazuQoCr0n
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4JTPWXYzxu
「你講得岩，我都有另一面，我都有做過D唔想俾你知既事。」我低頭說，「但…我好亂，我唔知，我唔知點樣面對你，同你一樣。」957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu3xFsWhZ3x
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0xV6zi72dA
「邊個會無？我鐘意你，即使你有咩秘密都好我都一定會…」童桐說。957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7PHaVJO6ge
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrpx4p5a34R
「我係你就唔會咁講。」我苦笑。957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtMbJmAF26w
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpPBmx7Sqnq
「係…？」957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfM3k1Pioz8
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXRRQP5Em0a
「我個時都咁講過，我話無論你做過咩，有咩秘密我都會接受到…然後我個心就碎左。」我輕撫自己的胸口。957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgYJIvdiPqT
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡELYpHOvDrv
愈是鐘愛於幻象，現實就更加殘酷。957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTCMlDI7n9K
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC4byz085Dn
夢中愈是甘甜，現實便愈見苦澀。957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyRUGoECrAX
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhQXFUg6HOc
「我唔信，呀遊你唔同我，你係個好人…」957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHBnUF6bXkk
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMztz2uYnXP
「我先唔係。」957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3edbpuLm1Q
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQjyE8z2gXU
我早就不是甚麼好人。957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOqZvFgeOeA
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfuuSpgs1gW
從明明連人家名字還沒記住便去追求人家，胡亂表白開始，到之後的事。957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5K1OkHGMfw
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL6JVYeNuks
我才不是「除了射箭甚麼也不會」的人。957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjfER3bbq4r
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEmeMTnk12j
「咁你講出黎。」她說，「我寧願你親口講，都唔想某日自己發現。」957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8XL81qrkaR
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSCE66fBNpZ
「……」957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0maw9zyXDj
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzFjPVwOkDz
是我害得植嵐晨自殺。957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4xhYCGWVIl
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr6T8zvxTh0
那天我差點按下了清理瀏覽記錄而間接害死他。957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQO5IKUJmaH
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZuPr8xm2zT
為了勝利我打算吃禁藥。957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFSE5YkRNrY
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiykSKIuj4R
我和妍妍有了肉體關係，但沒打算負責任。957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXaCU1WerRE
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqCdyekZLOJ
當天第一次妍妍出現在水上樂園是，其實是PTGF。957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDSf6xYWJYh
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwWxMKFSPjX
中學時那連串的表白行為，其中一些我可是明知有男朋友也照去馬。957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1inowM5mfa
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc4DuJrURZC
……那年我打算過自殺，甚至已經完成了氦氣袋的試作型。957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6iBGrZAQdg
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCtyfEsfX7i
「呀遊，我地大家今晚都互相坦白喇…然後睇下點樣互相接受到對方，好唔好？我唔想無左你呢個青梅竹馬，無論做唔做到情侶都好。」童桐說。957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyKJp4OO0bT
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ35HV8DzxmH
「我諗…今晚我地都攰。」我說，「我求其煮個公仔麵就返過去。」957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡghsWfaxR9F
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdxYsqcWZKj
「呀遊…」957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN1LOTx88Vo
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfGKuXA8M0w
「我會講。」我說，「只係…唔係今晚，我要，童桐，對唔住，我…做唔到…我好攰，我好撚亂呀，你明唔明呀。」957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡalKg4Bo3ro
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWnhlRMfwrh
我試圖以過去的眼光看待她。957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGzcgo14r8a
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4ljnUIjCtZ
做不到。957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAmHNTNpUEt
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRsv68WOf1V
我試圖向她坦白自己做過的一切。957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcNIRn5xvyL
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8qVeKvUEyu
做不到。957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO5yoNZOy6m
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEMggoeTlgV
既然我知道了她的真面目後這樣激動，這樣看待她，反過來…其實也一樣吧。957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡypkfM1bPvb
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBzw6wH7l1Y
只是現在是我在暗，她在明，她才這樣向我告解一樣。957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHBslua6kN8
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡctOJId5N8f
下午離開Beta那兒之前，他幫我設定了一個倒數計時，現在距離核彈爆炸只剩下１６７小時。957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ34A21ZNuad
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPfxIxuwpcv
我沒有高童桐一等，更別說是道德高地。957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1xP6Bbrld8
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3wvgA8241T
所以我也沒法狠狠罵她一頓，然後說要帶她回正途，連這樣子我也做不到，這才是現在一切膠著，一切如陷五里霧中的原因。957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUEdUF4ipn3
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOSQyJEsGky
既，沒法坦白。957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUxqJ6Qbb3A
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjv3OCk1Spc
又，沒法斥責。957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh3jqM2Il3A
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFhEU0jopnB
既，沒法接受。957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0RnLbxnasD
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuBllu28C4D
也，沒法忘記。957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCGgqYLZSkq
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAw2mt9q5QF
而且…也沒法理解。957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPvwDNdVnid
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcXvZk4ySHO
明明妍妍叫我不用在意她，去處理和童桐之間的事，結果卻變成了這樣子。957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiugA4ogOPM
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPG2nx2PrVc
反倒有點對不起她了呢，我這爛人。957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1gnJHuINoX
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLU2bwC48yt
我轉身胡亂地擦去眼淚，以免自己在童桐面前出醜。但這時背上傳來陣陣的溫暖，陣陣的柔軟，童桐從後抱住我，把頭靠到我背脊上，用耳朵貼住我的肌肉聆聽著我的心跳。957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKkIR4101qP
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrxcrfeqUak
「只要你係我身邊，你要嬲我幾耐都無所謂。」957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBUUtjtxQed
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWXuHRv8ijX
「……」957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN0dFrB3AcR
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi4bNcCeEZo
「因為我地都應承過大家，嬲幾耐都好，最後都會搵返對方，唔準絕交，唔準永遠唔彩對方落去架嘛。」957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4uqNvzrU3N
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ59WkQeiZuH
她能聽到我的脈動，反之亦然。957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0fvxDXbfzC
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWo4mGcbWQi
我雖然沒法直接聽到，但我感受著童桐的每一下呼吸，每一下心跳，胸膛的每一起伏。957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfZ8HWGVW0p
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrGrnq87bhS
「只要你無事就好，我個晚真係好驚。」童桐說。957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvpvDjtTpfj
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyHUJOSe4Pk
「嗯，我都睇到係你救左我。」957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQrwY4VLBmZ
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlqKVvoxPhn
「但即係係咁…即使你會討厭我，即使你個下已經知道左我係Dora,我唔知點面對你…我都唔想你有事。」957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQBOcCBo2s9
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgGrKGpJftF
曾經她只求唯有我別討厭她。957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV9PfreLLx7
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7bSXC96NoR
曾經她即使全世界討厭她也不怕，因為有我在她身邊。957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4S6jhnCxGJ
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNsiKcnbdtw
…現在即使連我也討厭她，她也只想我安全健康。957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡicdEYlL19D
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrEMeFMqUvV
你叫我怎樣對你生氣，童桐。957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXEAQp9w2ju
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ9Wowxl2Z3
「我…好多謝你，童桐。」我說，的確是她救了我。957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmrSHcDF78e
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGkQIQDpCT1
「…到你覺得可以講既時候，就同我講。」童桐說，「我地只要互相坦白，然後互相再接受，互相理解對方，一定可以捱過呢一關。」957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7vm10suIxP
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq7z1va5XNp
咦？957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMxNL2K0j7o
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2jr49AKXd8
腦中如一道清泉流過…我覺得這就是我和童桐最大的差異之處。957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2FB6QsySTb
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYAde1PBR7r
「接受與否」，是我的想法。957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVPa9ooScYw
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTFvwmvpgOG
「如何接受」，是童桐的想法。957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmHQG3wbpiH
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡssIRDAd6DP
那天晚上我和童桐沒有得出任何答案，甚至說沒有任何進展。957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBOpz3hxBkW
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGTLkSif9Vu
她甚至沒有提出我希望中的苦衷，使我可以諒解的苦衷，只能得出「性格使然」的絕望答案。957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡejnyMcQrss
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡve3vcBdaSF
老實說，場面比我想像中平靜，至少我們沒有向對方咆哮或痛哭。957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq3dtzxExaf
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVvlD7tFkU9
但是…無力感漸漸佔據了空氣，佔據了心底，連情緒該發洩向何處也沒有著力點。957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy4TvD5vath
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlcv57Jsu2H
我寧願和她痛痛快快吵一架，也不想這樣子…957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTRaTCOdSGK
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7aWTKygrur
…我真的不想。957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWUU5oyadJ3
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6zJY22zaF9
至於和她坦白的話，我覺得不是時候，所以也沒有說出口。我需要時間去沉澱，去思考，去好好盤算接下來的做法。957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8IucmcPaUM
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa81l2knhvk
活了在幻象中廿多年的我，被狠狠地摔到現實中。957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzUnme3bMab
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTorePgDOS9
現在我要學習在現實中活下去。957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4esi85qOhx
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUxSlbSum0R
第二天早上，距離核彈發射還有１５３小時。957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHoBe8s85O6
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9QgJwLRqiP
童桐的窗簾現在到了早上醒來…也再沒有打開了。957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡecm868WjBk
957Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIhtDO2qr3U
那兒，只有一片茫然和我心中懷念。
Penana
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