但現實是這樣又如何?982Please respect copyright.PENANAZDXL7K2ySK
982Please respect copyright.PENANAvjgos187vC
沒法理解,沒法接受。982Please respect copyright.PENANAk1wTM48lPR
982Please respect copyright.PENANAEf0H40wO2E
童桐變了,已經不再是我小時候認識的那個她。982Please respect copyright.PENANAqJHVotObxh
982Please respect copyright.PENANAOPrcxKaI1d
但現實對我來說,過於…難以理解。982Please respect copyright.PENANACkcoRHNoEZ
982Please respect copyright.PENANAydOFq1Vmtp
她甚至連一個苦衷也不編,一個謊也不撒。982Please respect copyright.PENANAHaR4GT7Idm
982Please respect copyright.PENANAt3axAM8181
要該高興嗎,還是要哭?我曾經視她如宗教一樣的存在,現在卻。982Please respect copyright.PENANAbXK9ZIVk4i
982Please respect copyright.PENANAvdvqhe0hqh
現在卻。982Please respect copyright.PENANAs2uG5vUY6g
982Please respect copyright.PENANASFQUMYQgGR
感覺最近情緒上的衝擊,我已沒法作出正確的反應,腦海被攪成一團糊糨。我掩著臉搖著頭,恍如因射箭而滿是厚繭的雙手,能為我提供一個避風港。982Please respect copyright.PENANATJnTKZT6su
982Please respect copyright.PENANA1NlVbEpPyj
因為我的避風巷已經毀了。982Please respect copyright.PENANAkX0EKZqYFu
982Please respect copyright.PENANA6z8PtOsTke
因為我的童年…982Please respect copyright.PENANARaTfOWttJ8
982Please respect copyright.PENANA5u6Ijyl2ew
…真真正正的,結束了。982Please respect copyright.PENANA8CRsGGbDyx
982Please respect copyright.PENANAin415IzqUR
「呀遊,我地都有唔想俾任何人見到既一面…我相信你都有。」童桐說,「但即使係咁…我都會接受,呀遊,因為由所有面向組成既…先係完整既你。」982Please respect copyright.PENANAL57QYUY92E
982Please respect copyright.PENANAzJBeXMh870
甚麼是好人,甚麼是壞人?982Please respect copyright.PENANAcmvmxZIcMa
982Please respect copyright.PENANAOFVvpiq3XB
壞人在自己的故事中,也是一個英雄。982Please respect copyright.PENANARxbUGhSFfN
982Please respect copyright.PENANA5bSmr5Vjl0
捐錢幫助窮人的慈善家,也有人視之為資本主義中的剝削者。982Please respect copyright.PENANA7xg3JgpgSt
982Please respect copyright.PENANAcBQXuPBQ7n
不用說到這樣宏大,我媽也不是沒被人說過HR死全家,我爸把釣到的魚放上網和人分享也被動保主義者說血腥屠夫。982Please respect copyright.PENANAHDmO86RiyQ
982Please respect copyright.PENANAFNGpHsSRwz
但對我來說,二人都是父母,是家人。982Please respect copyright.PENANA1lGySc62ud
982Please respect copyright.PENANALmvmCu7V2U
不同人對於不同人來說,可以同時是好人,同時亦是壞人。982Please respect copyright.PENANAvzSJ7VVvg1
982Please respect copyright.PENANAPwzfl1fzk3
…但當距離親近如我和童桐這樣,所有面向便互相嵌鑲成一個完整的存在,並非一個單獨面向。982Please respect copyright.PENANAzR5tE3AdvH
982Please respect copyright.PENANAAc4levsh6g
愛慕她的好。982Please respect copyright.PENANA3t5i5Qs8vQ
982Please respect copyright.PENANACkcQJoAXGu
便要接受她的壞。982Please respect copyright.PENANALf0rJfGdQz
982Please respect copyright.PENANAgIX54vie9l
我竟然天真的曾經以為童桐只有好的那一面,如甚麼完美的聖女。982Please respect copyright.PENANAjbI0a2i9Uz
982Please respect copyright.PENANAAaMhvwe7ox
現在殘酷而赤裸裸的事實放在眼前,至於接受與否便是我們的課題了。982Please respect copyright.PENANA5HdRBpbpFq
982Please respect copyright.PENANAxGRR4XX8Qw
即使我和童桐身上都穿著衣服,但卻比起過往十多年來任何時候還要更加赤裸,更加坦誠相見。982Please respect copyright.PENANAm1jaUxQVav
982Please respect copyright.PENANAn8AtViZ7WS
「你肯定?」我冷冷地說。982Please respect copyright.PENANADTUWD0hGeY
982Please respect copyright.PENANAZxqq5qQ50F
她還不知道我幹了甚麼。982Please respect copyright.PENANAuLDjvVRzUc
982Please respect copyright.PENANAlmXskJ8kYc
她還不知道我曾經打算幹甚麼。982Please respect copyright.PENANADbx1RUqqWO
982Please respect copyright.PENANAzlW8rmuu9p
「…嗯。」她說,「我,我又有咩資格話你?無論你做過咩都好…」982Please respect copyright.PENANAbMAOaiI2NJ
982Please respect copyright.PENANAUVhzzoCZoP
童桐雙眼發光,好像在淹水中捉到了救生圈一樣。982Please respect copyright.PENANAVX29EDjOky
982Please respect copyright.PENANAb31tWofe5O
「所以你覺得如果我都有一個黑暗面,一個黑化版既呀遊,我就同你一樣自私,同你一樣有唔見得光既一面,所以我地就平起平座,我就應該接受你,然後可以如以前一樣?」982Please respect copyright.PENANAGrzHvXE2wq
982Please respect copyright.PENANAPD09jEq9Q4
「…唔係咁…」卻被我看穿了。982Please respect copyright.PENANArXLB0ddAsY
982Please respect copyright.PENANAs9H43GjPgf
「定係我咁講正合你意,咁樣你內心會舒服D,因為自甘墜落既人唔止你一個?」982Please respect copyright.PENANAMYTecKKfUQ
982Please respect copyright.PENANAhziCwyEa36
「唔係咁,唔係咁唔係咁,呀遊,唔好咁講,求下你…」童桐哭著說。982Please respect copyright.PENANA1K6HtowMjh
982Please respect copyright.PENANAJC75dyEeA4
「…童桐,我地永遠都唔可能好似以前一樣。」982Please respect copyright.PENANA6vH78UTl65
982Please respect copyright.PENANA37DWwRtCnX
然後,我推開了她。982Please respect copyright.PENANAuWag4oEHVR
982Please respect copyright.PENANAkziKJfh5I5
史無前例地,我推開了正準近我,打算向我撒嬌的童桐。982Please respect copyright.PENANAMLbhD6mQcI
982Please respect copyright.PENANAAiSTrMZmqx
「……」她露出寂寞的眼神。982Please respect copyright.PENANAdMzUrUkTde
982Please respect copyright.PENANAZlodoj2Rmp
「你講得岩,我都有另一面,我都有做過D唔想俾你知既事。」我低頭說,「但…我好亂,我唔知,我唔知點樣面對你,同你一樣。」982Please respect copyright.PENANARutooSeHAP
982Please respect copyright.PENANABvzjURlyUq
「邊個會無?我鐘意你,即使你有咩秘密都好我都一定會…」童桐說。982Please respect copyright.PENANAmjNj4A34am
982Please respect copyright.PENANAoUbIcnEyZs
「我係你就唔會咁講。」我苦笑。982Please respect copyright.PENANAaRqz3wDBro
982Please respect copyright.PENANAEQEXsFtcWy
「係…?」982Please respect copyright.PENANA54877YAO2x
982Please respect copyright.PENANApQrHXhs6CS
「我個時都咁講過,我話無論你做過咩,有咩秘密我都會接受到…然後我個心就碎左。」我輕撫自己的胸口。982Please respect copyright.PENANAsJo0vxXvop
982Please respect copyright.PENANAbh4oot3syh
愈是鐘愛於幻象,現實就更加殘酷。982Please respect copyright.PENANAFffHt4uCCF
982Please respect copyright.PENANAYCPq1B2Vjz
夢中愈是甘甜,現實便愈見苦澀。982Please respect copyright.PENANAeztH83pA7G
982Please respect copyright.PENANAgJJSGs5PTb
「我唔信,呀遊你唔同我,你係個好人…」982Please respect copyright.PENANAvoBHiKRzyH
982Please respect copyright.PENANAd36acrxwDR
「我先唔係。」982Please respect copyright.PENANApMAzekofzw
982Please respect copyright.PENANAQDsTIGpzBA
我早就不是甚麼好人。982Please respect copyright.PENANADBspIUUw2O
982Please respect copyright.PENANAqyO7QGs4oG
從明明連人家名字還沒記住便去追求人家,胡亂表白開始,到之後的事。982Please respect copyright.PENANAARU8s3h4V8
982Please respect copyright.PENANANZyl7XNLSx
我才不是「除了射箭甚麼也不會」的人。982Please respect copyright.PENANAgMHv5pfWP3
982Please respect copyright.PENANAiSNgvbBnpg
「咁你講出黎。」她說,「我寧願你親口講,都唔想某日自己發現。」982Please respect copyright.PENANAes7sGu5Y7f
982Please respect copyright.PENANA0yrz35iOcv
「……」982Please respect copyright.PENANAWRzwpQ0JVP
982Please respect copyright.PENANA6wcj637Pes
是我害得植嵐晨自殺。982Please respect copyright.PENANAzXOFEdwD4E
982Please respect copyright.PENANAR4jyqwsBfq
那天我差點按下了清理瀏覽記錄而間接害死他。982Please respect copyright.PENANAnHveZFKuWw
982Please respect copyright.PENANAAcPKZ9b7nc
為了勝利我打算吃禁藥。982Please respect copyright.PENANAqQH7qz25JU
982Please respect copyright.PENANAU5hgmcOmGK
我和妍妍有了肉體關係,但沒打算負責任。982Please respect copyright.PENANAwJQnKFYxDZ
982Please respect copyright.PENANAKVpFk4zq58
當天第一次妍妍出現在水上樂園是,其實是PTGF。982Please respect copyright.PENANASUSIGBJ703
982Please respect copyright.PENANAKtOI76RBHR
中學時那連串的表白行為,其中一些我可是明知有男朋友也照去馬。982Please respect copyright.PENANAOaElcgzIYI
982Please respect copyright.PENANA2GoesBusMF
……那年我打算過自殺,甚至已經完成了氦氣袋的試作型。982Please respect copyright.PENANAbmGl05OZVk
982Please respect copyright.PENANAa7ztiWHMPQ
「呀遊,我地大家今晚都互相坦白喇…然後睇下點樣互相接受到對方,好唔好?我唔想無左你呢個青梅竹馬,無論做唔做到情侶都好。」童桐說。982Please respect copyright.PENANAE0LItoBxcM
982Please respect copyright.PENANAF2mNS2Myoc
「我諗…今晚我地都攰。」我說,「我求其煮個公仔麵就返過去。」982Please respect copyright.PENANABnY7CvEqNG
982Please respect copyright.PENANAoHeGLKiAqt
「呀遊…」982Please respect copyright.PENANAH56oxjrlpH
982Please respect copyright.PENANAyTU4LiFBKe
「我會講。」我說,「只係…唔係今晚,我要,童桐,對唔住,我…做唔到…我好攰,我好撚亂呀,你明唔明呀。」982Please respect copyright.PENANAYoHvzMPprA
982Please respect copyright.PENANA2u7sBhhgf8
我試圖以過去的眼光看待她。982Please respect copyright.PENANAWVfI50DBuw
982Please respect copyright.PENANAYhRwu8Rn6y
做不到。982Please respect copyright.PENANAoVRFKMhE7K
982Please respect copyright.PENANA5e6CtgZfpc
我試圖向她坦白自己做過的一切。982Please respect copyright.PENANAUF01R2JkAo
982Please respect copyright.PENANAJbNOKwKG2d
做不到。982Please respect copyright.PENANAYqVChNulaW
982Please respect copyright.PENANAcAtXxM4BOM
既然我知道了她的真面目後這樣激動,這樣看待她,反過來…其實也一樣吧。982Please respect copyright.PENANAeAqQwqKeOR
982Please respect copyright.PENANAvUs2L8xc0f
只是現在是我在暗,她在明,她才這樣向我告解一樣。982Please respect copyright.PENANAjxWYFZIyGk
982Please respect copyright.PENANAKaXPNOl1WE
下午離開Beta那兒之前,他幫我設定了一個倒數計時,現在距離核彈爆炸只剩下167小時。982Please respect copyright.PENANAeBDrtEJPWA
982Please respect copyright.PENANAEiKmpBBDkd
我沒有高童桐一等,更別說是道德高地。982Please respect copyright.PENANAEUJQvh1Zwp
982Please respect copyright.PENANANcpOb2XngS
所以我也沒法狠狠罵她一頓,然後說要帶她回正途,連這樣子我也做不到,這才是現在一切膠著,一切如陷五里霧中的原因。982Please respect copyright.PENANAYR0WjVDmhV
982Please respect copyright.PENANAj7misipnHC
既,沒法坦白。982Please respect copyright.PENANArCPJRrkjx6
982Please respect copyright.PENANAGnr72S5xJe
又,沒法斥責。982Please respect copyright.PENANAaDkequaUdC
982Please respect copyright.PENANARVBxx9Jozs
既,沒法接受。982Please respect copyright.PENANAqPkhNbIORG
982Please respect copyright.PENANA0qhngdRCTz
也,沒法忘記。982Please respect copyright.PENANAGBeEEf3xT3
982Please respect copyright.PENANA6uz1VQkJr0
而且…也沒法理解。982Please respect copyright.PENANAK8Ve1JM9bK
982Please respect copyright.PENANAYnTnOkEJcO
明明妍妍叫我不用在意她,去處理和童桐之間的事,結果卻變成了這樣子。982Please respect copyright.PENANAqr4601Dn9a
982Please respect copyright.PENANAJPcugfTNR7
反倒有點對不起她了呢,我這爛人。982Please respect copyright.PENANAK4GWjCTVes
982Please respect copyright.PENANA1exquY5uDn
我轉身胡亂地擦去眼淚,以免自己在童桐面前出醜。但這時背上傳來陣陣的溫暖,陣陣的柔軟,童桐從後抱住我,把頭靠到我背脊上,用耳朵貼住我的肌肉聆聽著我的心跳。982Please respect copyright.PENANAHFbQu1OHjC
982Please respect copyright.PENANAlhmUiW81oC
「只要你係我身邊,你要嬲我幾耐都無所謂。」982Please respect copyright.PENANAHM9gwovYMV
982Please respect copyright.PENANAXn9yNqwglh
「……」982Please respect copyright.PENANAQuS3lU5jQI
982Please respect copyright.PENANAEqRlCFLTtv
「因為我地都應承過大家,嬲幾耐都好,最後都會搵返對方,唔準絕交,唔準永遠唔彩對方落去架嘛。」982Please respect copyright.PENANAkP9lBilUbW
982Please respect copyright.PENANAwa49Mr2klG
她能聽到我的脈動,反之亦然。982Please respect copyright.PENANAZij7Vl5WlZ
982Please respect copyright.PENANAxHho8TB1Ok
我雖然沒法直接聽到,但我感受著童桐的每一下呼吸,每一下心跳,胸膛的每一起伏。982Please respect copyright.PENANALifmi8dotn
982Please respect copyright.PENANAgJY0tvDddT
「只要你無事就好,我個晚真係好驚。」童桐說。982Please respect copyright.PENANAcVuHeY6iYg
982Please respect copyright.PENANAvgm0bbIF2X
「嗯,我都睇到係你救左我。」982Please respect copyright.PENANARI7OwLfmBx
982Please respect copyright.PENANAubssUvFfon
「但即係係咁…即使你會討厭我,即使你個下已經知道左我係Dora,我唔知點面對你…我都唔想你有事。」982Please respect copyright.PENANAzOwo2XkkUv
982Please respect copyright.PENANAKNXXrJOOCB
曾經她只求唯有我別討厭她。982Please respect copyright.PENANAlMI7j3mUr2
982Please respect copyright.PENANADwifiNfzuF
曾經她即使全世界討厭她也不怕,因為有我在她身邊。982Please respect copyright.PENANAP0S0MEokzR
982Please respect copyright.PENANAuBP4liFVpw
…現在即使連我也討厭她,她也只想我安全健康。982Please respect copyright.PENANAg1Uuo5nC5O
982Please respect copyright.PENANAbPujD5hAK8
你叫我怎樣對你生氣,童桐。982Please respect copyright.PENANAJlgyuGouqG
982Please respect copyright.PENANATzuYK4VpsA
「我…好多謝你,童桐。」我說,的確是她救了我。982Please respect copyright.PENANAVLRRqST7uW
982Please respect copyright.PENANAmk6F3pXk2W
「…到你覺得可以講既時候,就同我講。」童桐說,「我地只要互相坦白,然後互相再接受,互相理解對方,一定可以捱過呢一關。」982Please respect copyright.PENANAfNdNMK1dHa
982Please respect copyright.PENANAzsf44ceoD8
咦?982Please respect copyright.PENANAU5Gm0fi4XL
982Please respect copyright.PENANAvY3hhP4wLv
腦中如一道清泉流過…我覺得這就是我和童桐最大的差異之處。982Please respect copyright.PENANAr2LYcvN14e
982Please respect copyright.PENANAKsvNwneC1W
「接受與否」,是我的想法。982Please respect copyright.PENANAUxn9A9QtRK
982Please respect copyright.PENANA6J74emBKUq
「如何接受」,是童桐的想法。982Please respect copyright.PENANANYPMWpJd3b
982Please respect copyright.PENANAKxUEEbzkLA
那天晚上我和童桐沒有得出任何答案,甚至說沒有任何進展。982Please respect copyright.PENANABDYAbgFaAv
982Please respect copyright.PENANASrhjQp5hNj
她甚至沒有提出我希望中的苦衷,使我可以諒解的苦衷,只能得出「性格使然」的絕望答案。982Please respect copyright.PENANA3KKytvlkU0
982Please respect copyright.PENANA5toARILDx3
老實說,場面比我想像中平靜,至少我們沒有向對方咆哮或痛哭。982Please respect copyright.PENANAXguN05moRh
982Please respect copyright.PENANAO3G50NRpx1
但是…無力感漸漸佔據了空氣,佔據了心底,連情緒該發洩向何處也沒有著力點。982Please respect copyright.PENANA6VkVI4504p
982Please respect copyright.PENANASBzdTUYPtV
我寧願和她痛痛快快吵一架,也不想這樣子…982Please respect copyright.PENANATZUQWcsWrK
982Please respect copyright.PENANApv3ejKStN7
…我真的不想。982Please respect copyright.PENANAeLtE03yvIu
982Please respect copyright.PENANASlIFCenPkA
至於和她坦白的話,我覺得不是時候,所以也沒有說出口。我需要時間去沉澱,去思考,去好好盤算接下來的做法。982Please respect copyright.PENANA7wJAYCkK22
982Please respect copyright.PENANA2uY4zO7Bgh
活了在幻象中廿多年的我,被狠狠地摔到現實中。982Please respect copyright.PENANAyItj2To07Q
982Please respect copyright.PENANAn9oy4iPHr1
現在我要學習在現實中活下去。982Please respect copyright.PENANAjyv9ZZyuAF
982Please respect copyright.PENANAnG98s9iYe2
第二天早上,距離核彈發射還有153小時。982Please respect copyright.PENANACDdwd5LEmh
982Please respect copyright.PENANAUQL0DCGfVo
童桐的窗簾現在到了早上醒來…也再沒有打開了。982Please respect copyright.PENANAdDfItCx8iM
982Please respect copyright.PENANAW4UzDrDg7h
那兒,只有一片茫然和我心中懷念。