但現實是這樣又如何？982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZDXL7K2ySK
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvjgos187vC
沒法理解，沒法接受。982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk1wTM48lPR
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEf0H40wO2E
童桐變了，已經不再是我小時候認識的那個她。982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqJHVotObxh
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOPrcxKaI1d
但現實對我來說，過於…難以理解。982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCkcoRHNoEZ
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡydOFq1Vmtp
她甚至連一個苦衷也不編，一個謊也不撒。982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHaR4GT7Idm
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt3axAM8181
要該高興嗎，還是要哭？我曾經視她如宗教一樣的存在，現在卻。982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbXK9ZIVk4i
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvdvqhe0hqh
現在卻。982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs2uG5vUY6g
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSFQUMYQgGR
感覺最近情緒上的衝擊，我已沒法作出正確的反應，腦海被攪成一團糊糨。我掩著臉搖著頭，恍如因射箭而滿是厚繭的雙手，能為我提供一個避風港。982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTJnTKZT6su
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1NlVbEpPyj
因為我的避風巷已經毀了。982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkX0EKZqYFu
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6z8PtOsTke
因為我的童年…982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRaTfOWttJ8
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5u6Ijyl2ew
…真真正正的，結束了。982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8CRsGGbDyx
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡin415IzqUR
「呀遊，我地都有唔想俾任何人見到既一面…我相信你都有。」童桐說，「但即使係咁…我都會接受，呀遊，因為由所有面向組成既…先係完整既你。」982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL57QYUY92E
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzJBeXMh870
甚麼是好人，甚麼是壞人？982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcmvmxZIcMa
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOFVvpiq3XB
壞人在自己的故事中，也是一個英雄。982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRxbUGhSFfN
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5bSmr5Vjl0
捐錢幫助窮人的慈善家，也有人視之為資本主義中的剝削者。982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7xg3JgpgSt
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcBQXuPBQ7n
不用說到這樣宏大，我媽也不是沒被人說過HR死全家，我爸把釣到的魚放上網和人分享也被動保主義者說血腥屠夫。982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHDmO86RiyQ
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFNGpHsSRwz
但對我來說，二人都是父母，是家人。982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1lGySc62ud
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLmvmCu7V2U
不同人對於不同人來說，可以同時是好人，同時亦是壞人。982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvzSJ7VVvg1
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPwzfl1fzk3
…但當距離親近如我和童桐這樣，所有面向便互相嵌鑲成一個完整的存在，並非一個單獨面向。982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzR5tE3AdvH
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAc4levsh6g
愛慕她的好。982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3t5i5Qs8vQ
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCkcQJoAXGu
便要接受她的壞。982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLf0rJfGdQz
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgIX54vie9l
我竟然天真的曾經以為童桐只有好的那一面，如甚麼完美的聖女。982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjbI0a2i9Uz
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAaMhvwe7ox
現在殘酷而赤裸裸的事實放在眼前，至於接受與否便是我們的課題了。982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5HdRBpbpFq
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxGRR4XX8Qw
即使我和童桐身上都穿著衣服，但卻比起過往十多年來任何時候還要更加赤裸，更加坦誠相見。982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm1jaUxQVav
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn8AtViZ7WS
「你肯定？」我冷冷地說。982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDTUWD0hGeY
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZxqq5qQ50F
她還不知道我幹了甚麼。982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuLDjvVRzUc
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlmXskJ8kYc
她還不知道我曾經打算幹甚麼。982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDbx1RUqqWO
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzlW8rmuu9p
「…嗯。」她說，「我，我又有咩資格話你？無論你做過咩都好…」982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbMAOaiI2NJ
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUVhzzoCZoP
童桐雙眼發光，好像在淹水中捉到了救生圈一樣。982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVX29EDjOky
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb31tWofe5O
「所以你覺得如果我都有一個黑暗面，一個黑化版既呀遊，我就同你一樣自私，同你一樣有唔見得光既一面，所以我地就平起平座，我就應該接受你，然後可以如以前一樣？」982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGrzHvXE2wq
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPD09jEq9Q4
「…唔係咁…」卻被我看穿了。982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrXLB0ddAsY
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs9H43GjPgf
「定係我咁講正合你意，咁樣你內心會舒服Ｄ，因為自甘墜落既人唔止你一個？」982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMYTecKKfUQ
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhziCwyEa36
「唔係咁，唔係咁唔係咁，呀遊，唔好咁講，求下你…」童桐哭著說。982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1K6HtowMjh
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJC75dyEeA4
「…童桐，我地永遠都唔可能好似以前一樣。」982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6vH78UTl65
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ37DWwRtCnX
然後，我推開了她。982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuWag4oEHVR
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkziKJfh5I5
史無前例地，我推開了正準近我，打算向我撒嬌的童桐。982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMLbhD6mQcI
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAiSTrMZmqx
「……」她露出寂寞的眼神。982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdMzUrUkTde
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZlodoj2Rmp
「你講得岩，我都有另一面，我都有做過D唔想俾你知既事。」我低頭說，「但…我好亂，我唔知，我唔知點樣面對你，同你一樣。」982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRutooSeHAP
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBvzjURlyUq
「邊個會無？我鐘意你，即使你有咩秘密都好我都一定會…」童桐說。982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmjNj4A34am
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoUbIcnEyZs
「我係你就唔會咁講。」我苦笑。982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaRqz3wDBro
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEQEXsFtcWy
「係…？」982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ54877YAO2x
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpQrHXhs6CS
「我個時都咁講過，我話無論你做過咩，有咩秘密我都會接受到…然後我個心就碎左。」我輕撫自己的胸口。982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsJo0vxXvop
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbh4oot3syh
愈是鐘愛於幻象，現實就更加殘酷。982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFffHt4uCCF
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYCPq1B2Vjz
夢中愈是甘甜，現實便愈見苦澀。982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeztH83pA7G
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgJJSGs5PTb
「我唔信，呀遊你唔同我，你係個好人…」982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvoBHiKRzyH
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd36acrxwDR
「我先唔係。」982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpMAzekofzw
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQDsTIGpzBA
我早就不是甚麼好人。982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDBspIUUw2O
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqyO7QGs4oG
從明明連人家名字還沒記住便去追求人家，胡亂表白開始，到之後的事。982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡARU8s3h4V8
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNZyl7XNLSx
我才不是「除了射箭甚麼也不會」的人。982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgMHv5pfWP3
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiSNgvbBnpg
「咁你講出黎。」她說，「我寧願你親口講，都唔想某日自己發現。」982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡes7sGu5Y7f
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0yrz35iOcv
「……」982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWRzwpQ0JVP
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6wcj637Pes
是我害得植嵐晨自殺。982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzXOFEdwD4E
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR4jyqwsBfq
那天我差點按下了清理瀏覽記錄而間接害死他。982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnHveZFKuWw
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAcPKZ9b7nc
為了勝利我打算吃禁藥。982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqQH7qz25JU
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU5hgmcOmGK
我和妍妍有了肉體關係，但沒打算負責任。982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwJQnKFYxDZ
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKVpFk4zq58
當天第一次妍妍出現在水上樂園是，其實是PTGF。982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSUSIGBJ703
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKtOI76RBHR
中學時那連串的表白行為，其中一些我可是明知有男朋友也照去馬。982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOaElcgzIYI
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2GoesBusMF
……那年我打算過自殺，甚至已經完成了氦氣袋的試作型。982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbmGl05OZVk
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa7ztiWHMPQ
「呀遊，我地大家今晚都互相坦白喇…然後睇下點樣互相接受到對方，好唔好？我唔想無左你呢個青梅竹馬，無論做唔做到情侶都好。」童桐說。982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE0LItoBxcM
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF2mNS2Myoc
「我諗…今晚我地都攰。」我說，「我求其煮個公仔麵就返過去。」982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBnY7CvEqNG
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoHeGLKiAqt
「呀遊…」982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH56oxjrlpH
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyTU4LiFBKe
「我會講。」我說，「只係…唔係今晚，我要，童桐，對唔住，我…做唔到…我好攰，我好撚亂呀，你明唔明呀。」982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYoHvzMPprA
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2u7sBhhgf8
我試圖以過去的眼光看待她。982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWVfI50DBuw
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYhRwu8Rn6y
做不到。982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoVRFKMhE7K
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5e6CtgZfpc
我試圖向她坦白自己做過的一切。982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUF01R2JkAo
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJbNOKwKG2d
做不到。982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYqVChNulaW
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcAtXxM4BOM
既然我知道了她的真面目後這樣激動，這樣看待她，反過來…其實也一樣吧。982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeAqQwqKeOR
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvUs2L8xc0f
只是現在是我在暗，她在明，她才這樣向我告解一樣。982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjxWYFZIyGk
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKaXPNOl1WE
下午離開Beta那兒之前，他幫我設定了一個倒數計時，現在距離核彈爆炸只剩下１６７小時。982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeBDrtEJPWA
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEiKmpBBDkd
我沒有高童桐一等，更別說是道德高地。982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEUJQvh1Zwp
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNcpOb2XngS
所以我也沒法狠狠罵她一頓，然後說要帶她回正途，連這樣子我也做不到，這才是現在一切膠著，一切如陷五里霧中的原因。982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYR0WjVDmhV
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj7misipnHC
既，沒法坦白。982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrCPJRrkjx6
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGnr72S5xJe
又，沒法斥責。982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaDkequaUdC
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRVBxx9Jozs
既，沒法接受。982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqPkhNbIORG
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0qhngdRCTz
也，沒法忘記。982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGBeEEf3xT3
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6uz1VQkJr0
而且…也沒法理解。982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK8Ve1JM9bK
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYnTnOkEJcO
明明妍妍叫我不用在意她，去處理和童桐之間的事，結果卻變成了這樣子。982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqr4601Dn9a
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJPcugfTNR7
反倒有點對不起她了呢，我這爛人。982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK4GWjCTVes
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1exquY5uDn
我轉身胡亂地擦去眼淚，以免自己在童桐面前出醜。但這時背上傳來陣陣的溫暖，陣陣的柔軟，童桐從後抱住我，把頭靠到我背脊上，用耳朵貼住我的肌肉聆聽著我的心跳。982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHFbQu1OHjC
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlhmUiW81oC
「只要你係我身邊，你要嬲我幾耐都無所謂。」982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHM9gwovYMV
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXn9yNqwglh
「……」982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQuS3lU5jQI
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEqRlCFLTtv
「因為我地都應承過大家，嬲幾耐都好，最後都會搵返對方，唔準絕交，唔準永遠唔彩對方落去架嘛。」982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkP9lBilUbW
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwa49Mr2klG
她能聽到我的脈動，反之亦然。982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZij7Vl5WlZ
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxHho8TB1Ok
我雖然沒法直接聽到，但我感受著童桐的每一下呼吸，每一下心跳，胸膛的每一起伏。982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLifmi8dotn
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgJY0tvDddT
「只要你無事就好，我個晚真係好驚。」童桐說。982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcVuHeY6iYg
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvgm0bbIF2X
「嗯，我都睇到係你救左我。」982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRI7OwLfmBx
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡubssUvFfon
「但即係係咁…即使你會討厭我，即使你個下已經知道左我係Dora,我唔知點面對你…我都唔想你有事。」982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzOwo2XkkUv
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKNXXrJOOCB
曾經她只求唯有我別討厭她。982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlMI7j3mUr2
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDwifiNfzuF
曾經她即使全世界討厭她也不怕，因為有我在她身邊。982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP0S0MEokzR
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuBP4liFVpw
…現在即使連我也討厭她，她也只想我安全健康。982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg1Uuo5nC5O
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbPujD5hAK8
你叫我怎樣對你生氣，童桐。982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJlgyuGouqG
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTzuYK4VpsA
「我…好多謝你，童桐。」我說，的確是她救了我。982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVLRRqST7uW
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmk6F3pXk2W
「…到你覺得可以講既時候，就同我講。」童桐說，「我地只要互相坦白，然後互相再接受，互相理解對方，一定可以捱過呢一關。」982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfNdNMK1dHa
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzsf44ceoD8
咦？982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU5Gm0fi4XL
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvY3hhP4wLv
腦中如一道清泉流過…我覺得這就是我和童桐最大的差異之處。982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr2LYcvN14e
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKsvNwneC1W
「接受與否」，是我的想法。982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUxn9A9QtRK
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6J74emBKUq
「如何接受」，是童桐的想法。982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNYPMWpJd3b
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKxUEEbzkLA
那天晚上我和童桐沒有得出任何答案，甚至說沒有任何進展。982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBDYAbgFaAv
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSrhjQp5hNj
她甚至沒有提出我希望中的苦衷，使我可以諒解的苦衷，只能得出「性格使然」的絕望答案。982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3KKytvlkU0
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5toARILDx3
老實說，場面比我想像中平靜，至少我們沒有向對方咆哮或痛哭。982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXguN05moRh
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO3G50NRpx1
但是…無力感漸漸佔據了空氣，佔據了心底，連情緒該發洩向何處也沒有著力點。982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6VkVI4504p
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSBzdTUYPtV
我寧願和她痛痛快快吵一架，也不想這樣子…982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTZUQWcsWrK
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpv3ejKStN7
…我真的不想。982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeLtE03yvIu
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSlIFCenPkA
至於和她坦白的話，我覺得不是時候，所以也沒有說出口。我需要時間去沉澱，去思考，去好好盤算接下來的做法。982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7wJAYCkK22
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2uY4zO7Bgh
活了在幻象中廿多年的我，被狠狠地摔到現實中。982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyItj2To07Q
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn9oy4iPHr1
現在我要學習在現實中活下去。982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjyv9ZZyuAF
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnG98s9iYe2
第二天早上，距離核彈發射還有１５３小時。982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCDdwd5LEmh
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUQL0DCGfVo
童桐的窗簾現在到了早上醒來…也再沒有打開了。982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdDfItCx8iM
982Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW4UzDrDg7h
那兒，只有一片茫然和我心中懷念。
Penana
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