厭食症。888Please respect copyright.PENANAKmXlEMNDFN
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在心理疾病之中,厭食症的死亡率也是數一數二高,標準死亡率達5.9。888Please respect copyright.PENANACQBLCz70Hs
888Please respect copyright.PENANA3Bq04Fji91
5.9是一個怎樣的概念呢?這代表厭食症患者的死亡風險,是一個普通人的5.9倍之高。888Please respect copyright.PENANAlsQNqHasxg
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作為參考,使用可卡因的標準死亡率,是6。888Please respect copyright.PENANAhRoxseN4r7
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重度吸煙,也只是2.6。888Please respect copyright.PENANARfeTDzDNju
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精神分裂症是2.5,躁鬱症是2.2,暴食症是1.9,抑鬱症這麼普及而可怕…也才是1.6,而厭食症可是5.9啊…888Please respect copyright.PENANAOTAZCpbAsf
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雖說這病不是甚麼不治之症,但致命率極高,變成長期厭食症的話死亡率高達20%,我不知道這比喻對不對,但玩俄羅斯轉盤往自己頭上用左輪開一槍,中彈率也才是 16.6% (六分之一)!888Please respect copyright.PENANAkoGsWbwHHO
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童桐…怎麼了?888Please respect copyright.PENANA72b6UnWI6w
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是我做錯了甚麼嗎?是我待她不夠好?還是我那兒惹她生氣了?她怎麼會有這樣嚴重的病?888Please respect copyright.PENANAGESQDsxkRY
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從那時開始,我便陷入了自責和內疚中,我每天都把這段日子以來的每個片段在腦中重播,苦苦思索,尋找自己做錯的地方。888Please respect copyright.PENANAr45vL3rK31
888Please respect copyright.PENANA43z4JVcjLH
…這樣下去我早晚會和她一樣,但…不行,我不能倒下…888Please respect copyright.PENANAGSqsDXUAOX
888Please respect copyright.PENANAsdF4HzRMZW
那晚送走妍妍後,我好像發了瘋一樣把Google搜尋頭十幾頁的厭食症資料都通通看一次,我知道這沒有任何幫忙,有病就應該看醫生,上網問診是大忌。888Please respect copyright.PENANA3I0qLSKG5Y
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但…我停不了,只要一停下來便覺得好像愧對童桐一樣。888Please respect copyright.PENANAxF1Pd0eicA
888Please respect copyright.PENANAcw3YcTk2le
厭食症不是那些人一直斷食,節食減肥,最後失去控制變成甚麼東西也吃不下嗎?童桐雖說吃很少,但也只是和我相比,她一直也有好好吃飯才對,她竟然在吃飯後偷偷去廁所扣喉?她說自己減肥應該是藉口,她明明沒有在斷食節食,為甚麼會…888Please respect copyright.PENANAfVuWRYiRGt
888Please respect copyright.PENANAUALzRWlI0X
她這樣用心裝出一個正常的樣子給我們看,她到底有多壓抑自己?888Please respect copyright.PENANAn9ucDmLjHE
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…是心理因素。888Please respect copyright.PENANAQNTkv43PfM
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「環境變化、事業失敗、失戀、挫折等,都可能成為厭食的契機,“不善表達意見、喜歡隱藏不安與不滿的人“,是特別容易厭食的類型…」888Please respect copyright.PENANAlxAyEae2LZ
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我看住這段文字,在屏幕前抱頭崩潰。888Please respect copyright.PENANAzq170SLYut
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想不到,我想不到自己做錯了甚麼,但是我也不知該怎麼辦。888Please respect copyright.PENANArvMQdquOH1
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童桐不是那種減肥減到失去了自控而變成厭食症的典型病例,她是因為心理壓力而變成這樣子的。888Please respect copyright.PENANAJU21N9Iwnd
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不行,這樣子下去…童桐…童桐會死的。888Please respect copyright.PENANAdufipxGSOC
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童桐真的會死掉的。888Please respect copyright.PENANALsHGqrHz9T
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只要這件事,求求老天…不要…唯有童桐,我犧牲自己也要保護她。888Please respect copyright.PENANAwsfOMdOIDv
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〔嘟~嘟~〕888Please respect copyright.PENANAP4OrtpYKZT
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是植嵐晨打來了,那邊慢這邊六小時。888Please respect copyright.PENANA4zQKFs32Cg
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我抹抹臉,打開鏡頭接聽。888Please respect copyright.PENANAQ26mQF1IZY
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「呀遊,呢排點呀…喂,你個樣搞咩?」888Please respect copyright.PENANANp9ziSxTch
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不行,表情騙不了。888Please respect copyright.PENANAo8tTfnZTxR
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「課金抽卡爆死,嗚…」我胡亂掰出理由。888Please respect copyright.PENANAI2hco7TLSI
888Please respect copyright.PENANACSXMvJsBZj
「量力而為呀,你話…Kay點樣?」888Please respect copyright.PENANA1tt9NQY0rE
888Please respect copyright.PENANARNJZdXVjIK
「佢…佢最近對我好大敵意。」我避重就輕避開核彈之類概念,「大概係將你同佢分手,去外國入左我數,我救你個時辦事不力之類…唉,我都唔知點解。」888Please respect copyright.PENANA2Wg30DFe4u
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「…都似佢既諗法。」888Please respect copyright.PENANAMAxTpIvJlb
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「佢係咁既人?」我問。888Please respect copyright.PENANAxJuQbxBqAO
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「我就直接講,我去哥本哈根某程度上關佢事…我同佢根本無拍過拖。」植嵐晨凝重地說。888Please respect copyright.PENANAZ3HdjgbkCb
888Please respect copyright.PENANAKxoVxODd2e
「下?!佢又話分手既?」888Please respect copyright.PENANAVo7w52HFIu
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「呢個就係重點,佢…佢會成日分唔到幻想同現實,我承認個時佢同我有曖昧過,但係我地真係無一齊過。」888Please respect copyright.PENANAkM8ZGhbG5x
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「係…」我呆然。888Please respect copyright.PENANATUy5ITInNZ
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「但係,佢成日覺得自己係我女朋友!佢試過係我屋企樓下截我,如果我唔俾佢入黎,佢會守係我屋企門口成晚,仲要撕到自己衣衫不整!有人行過就喊晒口咁拍我門,搞到我又被人報警,好在門口有cam證明我清白!」植嵐晨說。888Please respect copyright.PENANAaCaNb8ZeEH
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神經病。888Please respect copyright.PENANAzutWHEqzIM
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「我阿爸前排有請看護,佢竟然呃個嬸嬸話自己係黎替假,然後推左我阿爸去飲茶話要孝順佢,個次之後我就知呢個女仔唔係痴情少少咁簡單。」888Please respect copyright.PENANAloA3gK6Boj
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一切連起來了。888Please respect copyright.PENANAED07CwgQPk
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我嚇得吞了吞口水,然後說:「之前…大學聆訊個日,佢本身諗住用界刀捅個主席頸。」888Please respect copyright.PENANAUUT3XQink9
888Please respect copyright.PENANAWCsNEwhOqL
植嵐晨的樣子同樣變青:「本身?」888Please respect copyright.PENANA6gLnVfsFwP
888Please respect copyright.PENANApHHVFapKxx
我點點頭:「嗯,好在我發現到阻止佢,不過俾佢車左巴。」888Please respect copyright.PENANADoFIBoOAnv
888Please respect copyright.PENANAPvKrfN6JvE
「…完全係佢會做得出既事,即係佢為左我…應該話為左佢想像出黎既我,連殺人都夠膽死。」888Please respect copyright.PENANAe8u8H7TqXj
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「痴線…」888Please respect copyright.PENANA3Sx9TtMn3a
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那個Kay病得不輕啊。888Please respect copyright.PENANAEpsCEsTyhP
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「你避佢避到去哥本哈根?」我問。888Please respect copyright.PENANA8CfGiS8r0r
888Please respect copyright.PENANAxB7R0Bx7UI
「一黎啦,二黎我都想去海外讀書好耐,呢邊北歐既產品設計…嘿嘿,串啲講句,世界第一,我仲考到獎學金添~」888Please respect copyright.PENANAGexc6CQwEH
888Please respect copyright.PENANAY8Ft6NLk5z
我無地自容,既然植嵐晨考到了世界第一的北歐讀設計,也說是說他本人的實力同樣到達世界第一的水準。888Please respect copyright.PENANAt417lc1fG9
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所以之前的抄襲指控,完全是誣蔑。888Please respect copyright.PENANAxpd6S3K5hY
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「咁…咁就好。」我說,「依加呢個Kay咁癲,喂佢咁痴戀你,你同佢傾下得唔得呀。」888Please respect copyright.PENANAUJusICbPa6
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因為對我來說最有就說服力的人就是童桐,她也應該類似吧。888Please respect copyright.PENANAR23xpLxHWU
888Please respect copyright.PENANAxdET8FylN8
「唔得。」植嵐晨搖頭說,「之前同佢嘈左一次好大獲,佢唔會再聽我講。」888Please respect copyright.PENANAdMev95G5j1
888Please respect copyright.PENANAvqpH9Vw9nw
「嘈咩?」888Please respect copyright.PENANAEw1KBcxNGh
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「就佢係都要話我係佢男朋友,但我地根本無一齊過,所以我只好順手推舟同佢講話我地分手,然後係佢死纏爛打前飛走左。」植嵐晨說。888Please respect copyright.PENANAd3PlZU3SbD
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然後他便把那舟推過來我這邊了!原來又是我自己扔出去的回力鏢!888Please respect copyright.PENANAOm7HW0b4Z6
888Please respect copyright.PENANA9IHqpR4BRr
「我大概都明係咩一回事。」我搖頭說,要煩的事還要幾多樣?但當務之急是童桐的厭食症,我的安危不重要。888Please respect copyright.PENANApFKaO7DToI
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沒有事比童桐重要,包括我的命。888Please respect copyright.PENANAP1ri9UxHeV
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「呀遊,你真係要小心,如果你話佢當日想捅個主席,我怕…佢真係會對你不利。」888Please respect copyright.PENANAFby27WqqkF
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我怕嗎?老實說我怕。888Please respect copyright.PENANA6c5k8ZWKCc
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雖然我體格比她強壯,高她兩個頭以上,但是Kay應該會帶武器,而且她在暗我在明,不知道會不會在下個轉角路口便遇上拿著界刀的她。888Please respect copyright.PENANAAsbGG7h4hU
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但在她做出甚麼事之前,去警局備案也沒用吧,之前那個瑜珈女教練也備了案,也是遭到了毒手,警察也沒可能天天跟著我貼身保護。888Please respect copyright.PENANAWwgYMXvQ8m
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而且我更怕的是她遷怒到童桐身上,即使她不知道是童桐截下核彈,但她身為我女朋友,這種瘋子已不能按常理推斷。888Please respect copyright.PENANABAobyZelGp
888Please respect copyright.PENANA6N1ADJs3Wa
再說了她也不知道是我發射核彈害植嵐晨,她大概是通過「童桐喜歡植嵐晨」和「我喜歡童桐」而推理出我是最大得益者,光憑這猜測便盲射核彈。888Please respect copyright.PENANA2igZvG8Exp
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早就是有殺錯無放過了,她不是甚麼神機妙算,她只是無差別轟炸。888Please respect copyright.PENANAFZ3htgbLfn
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「我…我會小心,都無計。」888Please respect copyright.PENANA6P8O5JIL9t
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「嗯…咁再聯絡啦,記得出入小心。」888Please respect copyright.PENANAkgOhcy1QDm
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「拜拜。」888Please respect copyright.PENANAElGnRDz5ZH
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視訊通話中斷。888Please respect copyright.PENANAl5E381AtSE
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…唉,再看看厭食症的資料好了。888Please respect copyright.PENANAnf8GKm4M70
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這一看便是看到了天亮,我覺得自己很無力,始終我又不是醫生,更加不是精神科或心理醫生,我甚至不知道要帶童桐去那兒求醫,社工嗎?心理學家和心理醫生又有甚麼分別?認知行為治療師又是甚麼玩意?精神科有沒有門診?888Please respect copyright.PENANAFjGbIn3A4K
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我想起了當日不好笑醫生的那句:解鈴還需保齡球…牽鈴人。888Please respect copyright.PENANARnLMtpzx0a
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牽鈴人大概是我吧。888Please respect copyright.PENANALErsUTPnXR
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童桐沒有安全感,才這樣黏著我不放,但這原來只是冰山一角。888Please respect copyright.PENANALAhfdCph06
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植嵐晨的順手推舟,也許我也能學一學。888Please respect copyright.PENANASdQkeCXEwl
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得到了我爸媽的同意後,第二天晚上我去了童桐的家中。888Please respect copyright.PENANAuNJHW1qJxf
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「童桐,過黎。」我拍拍自己大腿。888Please respect copyright.PENANAWECy4fns3B
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「嗯?做咩?」888Please respect copyright.PENANAZYa5yqXVVe
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童桐還不知道我已得悉她患上了厭食症。888Please respect copyright.PENANAqLcXuUSa1H
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「想…抱下你囉?」我裝成想撒嬌。888Please respect copyright.PENANAF2EBE65Vv2
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「好好~呀遊好乖,今日練射箭都好俾心機~」888Please respect copyright.PENANAe0nH74zuwi
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童桐騎在我身上抱住我,用力把我的頭埋到她胸前扭腰磨蹭讓我撒嬌。888Please respect copyright.PENANAF1LkC0mKhG
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真爽。888Please respect copyright.PENANAL0ZvWX44ua
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但我身上感到的重量可是明顯輕了不少,我甚至有種只抱住亞基的錯覺。那些厭食症患者變成活骷髏般的可怕照片在腦中閃現,我不安地抱緊童桐的腰再三確認。888Please respect copyright.PENANAqgwtlDDEmh
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也變得更幼了。888Please respect copyright.PENANAoU2nV41nep
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好輕,輕得像幽靈一樣。888Please respect copyright.PENANAHJZVcGrlWq
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這不是甚麼好現象。888Please respect copyright.PENANAaLhLbEY7Yp
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「童桐,我問左我阿爸阿媽,就睇你想唔想。」我把頭從她胸前挪開,抬頭瞪住她雙眼說。888Please respect copyright.PENANA0mk7sdVI81
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「係咩事…?」888Please respect copyright.PENANAWCxbR4PV30
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「我諗緊…反正我地都識左咁多年,雖然個時我地未一齊,但係其實有時我都覺得自己好似同你拍緊拖咁。」我說。888Please respect copyright.PENANAfqWeZSJOyU
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「嗯嗯…你想講咩呀,傻呀遊,嘻。」童桐笑著抱住我用頭輕蹭。888Please respect copyright.PENANATP5ZtAVHCm
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「唉。」我嘆一口氣,成為了童桐男朋友後似乎我也沒甚麼進步。888Please respect copyright.PENANAoqccI0WIZL
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「你慢慢講,我去熄左部電視先。」888Please respect copyright.PENANAdVVoY8HJrD
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童桐從我身上滑下去。888Please respect copyright.PENANAHNHwKDoMX2
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「…太平洋既熱帶低氣壓升級成熱帶風暴後繼續增強但移動緩慢,日本氣象廳正式命名為“氣槽“,預計移向南海…」888Please respect copyright.PENANArQOGVq8Eor
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魚腩盃是在室內舉行,應該不要緊。888Please respect copyright.PENANAGhw2RZp2KX
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童桐把電視關掉回到我身上,我甚至能聽到她的心跳聲。888Please respect copyright.PENANAmaljwfs5r1
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「我知道…你最近好大壓力係唔係?」我說,「我覺得你好似擔心緊好多野,俾好多負擔自己咁,童桐。」888Please respect copyright.PENANAcfn8OjLcHy
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「無呀?」童桐笑道,「做咩咁諗?」888Please respect copyright.PENANAOmXq4vdMvu
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…不,我不能說穿我已經知道她的病,這樣她為了治癒自己只會更痛苦,例如表面上吃更多東西,然後以更隱密的方式扣喉,她就是這種笨蛋。888Please respect copyright.PENANAaC8agHcEmq
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但這樣下去童桐會死的。888Please respect copyright.PENANA3manxJklPv
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童桐死掉,我也不算活著了。888Please respect copyright.PENANAYl6650wqZN
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「…你鐘意我既,係唔係?」888Please respect copyright.PENANAUy6RcpHVzu
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「嗯。」童桐點點頭說。888Please respect copyright.PENANAeuK2ZTxeHW
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「如果我既支持同陪多啲你,你可以自在啲開心啲…童桐,雖然我地起埋一齊無幾耐,但係…」888Please respect copyright.PENANAb6to7htPB5
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我深呼吸,童桐帶著笑意等著我問。888Please respect copyright.PENANAwYMjiW8Akt
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「你想唔想過黎同我一齊住?」888Please respect copyright.PENANAOjzYRdTw55
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對,我知道我知道這樣很快,太快,超快,但是我和童桐可是從幼稚園認識到現在,所以我覺得還好。888Please respect copyright.PENANAZHg2CY2OKe
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而且我和她一起住的話,我能更易察覺到她的變化,她的心情,也能多點陪她。888Please respect copyright.PENANAwd70OU5rRf
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沒待她開口回答,我便繼續說下去。888Please respect copyright.PENANAqfkfTxNZ4C
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「我好鐘意你,童桐,我已經早就無左你唔得。」888Please respect copyright.PENANATBqS6Piy1t
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既然童桐的壓力來自不安,來自我沒有給予的安全感,來自她怕一但失去我便一口氣失去一切,又一次被拋棄的話…我便慢慢為她重建信心吧。888Please respect copyright.PENANAZcJoR6GI21
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「所以…就算你只係住我隔離,我都覺得唔夠,我想再見你多啲, 我想再陪你多啲,我知道可能太快,你亦無同過其他人同居,但係我…」888Please respect copyright.PENANAlm3beWlIvj
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「好啦好啦。」888Please respect copyright.PENANAe5OlEbK1FO
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童桐深深擁吻到我身上,把我的話打住,我們互相深吻至肺活量用盡為止,她的心臟穩穩的在躍動,而則我貪婪地傾聽著。888Please respect copyright.PENANAjivAKuSxZa
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我沒法想像這脈動會消失。888Please respect copyright.PENANAUYmyVLuClZ
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「咁…我黎打攪你喇。」童桐紅著臉說。888Please respect copyright.PENANAfRFWPY3RIE
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「真係可以?!」888Please respect copyright.PENANAIH39DqkmEs
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「反正都係一牆之隔…爺爺嫲嫲唔介意既,但我夜晚要返黎幫佢地做家務。」888Please respect copyright.PENANAWziCeOUN4F
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「嗯!我都過黎幫你手,嘿嘿,睇下點槽肥你啦。」我抱住她說。888Please respect copyright.PENANA77kImm7WQC
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「下,我肥左既你唔要我點算?」888Please respect copyright.PENANAjUxjDUYOh3
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那個人教的話術真的和我自己想的是兩個層次,童桐果然按住他的計算來接話。888Please respect copyright.PENANAzVwUAvgYSE
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「點樣既你,邊個身份既你…都係你,童桐。」我牽起她的手直擊她的心理弱點說,「只要係你,我就會係你身邊,我就會一直鐘意你,陪住你…保護你。」888Please respect copyright.PENANA5I7NklsLI4
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「我都係,呀遊。」888Please respect copyright.PENANAeNCyeoGIMM
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童桐眼眶有淚水晃動,同居的生活要開始了。888Please respect copyright.PENANAvLo4U278U0
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…絕對要在病魔手中保護童桐,想到這兒我便輕輕再握緊掌心中童桐略顯瘦削的玉手。888Please respect copyright.PENANAaOEtfvSNjK