日子還是這樣在過，學校裡的夥伴不時耳提面命「大考將近，獎學金不能拱手讓人」的事，我知道他是逼著我轉移注意力，也就順著他的意，認真上班、認真上課、認真睡覺，好像我換了個叫「課本」的男友，天天與它相伴，沒見著它的時間，都在夢鄉。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdElh8qqSkp
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlvD3ILNe2U
但，無論怎麼讓自己逃開，總有那幾個瞬間，會被回憶淹沒，尤其是，酸楚的回憶。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFP4bJgPE4m
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqJK3zWasid
我把自己關在家幾個禮拜，直到被朋友挖出門。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOMATz4B6Mb
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiNv1jI4CLN
坐上朋友的車，也不是很在乎要去哪裡，明明身邊有人，但全世界好像剩下自己。
也許這些，都是失去愛情的症狀。
可笑的是我連自己是否曾經「擁有」愛情都不確定。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoM8jJJGWst
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbKBaZhQvHn
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBMkPzNmWed
朋友載我到熟悉的山上，我以為他是要去山頂的土地公廟拜拜。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcJm6mHCMuQ
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5N0ZhpMKN2
「妳最近不是很愛爬山嗎？帶妳來山上走走啊。」517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuhDz8EqqbG
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHURhKWBUWd
「……喔…」
我心裡一沉。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiF9MVqSXDK
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡedhAV1eTLD
他不知道我為什麼開始爬山，我又怎麼能怪他呢？517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsIZ3Pqiqvy
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVlzK3VoOSG
我們延著樓梯，爬到了山頂的土地公廟，便隨意照找了個地方坐下，那是山頂的展望區。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfFSZBhdqPW
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGEXgOOmcNQ
「那是什麼山啊？」
我指著橫過城市、遠處一座被雲海包圍的山。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFwOl0sxiZs
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwaUgM5iXuz
「我哪知道。」517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDNX1vU7ql6
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwIeYz16uHv
「……說的也是。」517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOzoLYDN4Uk
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOjDwiOoVDr
我才發現自己的愚蠢。
那是我和張先生一同爬山時，我很常說的話。
他總是像個「山的萬事通」，有問必答，即使在我看來那些山都長得一個模樣，他仍能數家珍般地，念出它們的名。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMcIFUzvgp4
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ06wSrDAYex
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5DW4xPzfts
黑兔子找我去唱歌，在包廂裡和另一個女生朋友故意想弄哭我，不停點悲傷的歌來唱，一開始我只是笑，笑她們無聊。
直到某首歌的歌詞刺進我的心裡，痛了那麼一下，我哭了，就停不下來。
兩個女生見我掉淚，居然也跟著哭了，還哭得比我悽慘。最後我還得幫她們擦眼淚。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3rrskf4nyv
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVF2quqqgn7
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUYZaW29hsw
我很努力要自己不去怨懟、不去記恨，但總對自己被欺騙一事糾結，同時也怪自己不夠聰明、不夠謹慎。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI2KVbj6lFP
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgSxdkIyoAA
無法灑脫。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJgndRFAsX7
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbq9d9Ypetp
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡArvJYwCBWk
我還是持續的爬山，但不明白自己是因為什麼而爬。
我害怕自己是為了不忘記他，所以更不敢面對這個問題。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuaogfDv222
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaQ3ivHBFTa
直到某次，母親找我一同去爬山。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrp8iWuABf0
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVZLxEoE2tx
那是一座有著神話故事點綴的郊山，山上的涼亭裡還用木板刻著傳說。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiYItmhXMyv
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqJaaT1IX5Z
「這是我和妳爸爸第一次約會的地方。」517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ZaZVzT2Tx
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRDNcBNfQyV
母親突然提起父親，自他們離異後，母親甚少和我聊父親的事。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaNZIk87RAb
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvOI3QDG7pj
「我喜歡運動，妳爸爸不愛。我喜歡在舞池跳舞，他只想坐在沙發聊天。妳爸爸體能好，明明是蛙人，運動神經好，私底下卻懶惰得要命。」517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIZbzXw9rYM
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB56flv8Tmm
「但這是我們第一次約會的地方。」517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuoVID7yHIy
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsj0QO3QsdZ
我不知道母親為什麼突然說這些。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkcsT8pIJRg
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdI1Yschwov
「妳和那個來過家裡的先生，應該沒有再聯絡了吧？」517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHMjGTM0WG8
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmNMCFAeCRy
「沒有了。」我立刻回答。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLz5jKpfzg4
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUlKzGXCM0R
「妳一開始喜歡上爬山，是因為他嗎？」517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyv1H7iXN2T
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjTTmZPAxV1
「嗯。」517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWw8v90BXH5
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzFBIrHH1QJ
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn0fPCAYlX1
「那他留給妳的影響，就夠了。」517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeORZ1Jn2An
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf4sBL9weG6
我還不明白。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXkwlcEmd9M
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvhSeudHr31
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG3J7PfssY9
「妳本來就喜歡小動物、小昆蟲，剛剛一路上來妳都在跟我介紹那些蜘蛛蝸牛，山區就是讓妳更親近牠們的地方，妳這段路爬上來有想到那個男人嗎？」517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhqBjJEB8D1
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSkJqkqyWIC
「……沒有。」517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMiI5K3uCV7
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeU6V3U0bPh
「那妳還介意是誰啟發妳喜歡爬山嗎？」517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlylFnHe5GT
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyc7s2tPcNW
我盯著她，努力消化她的話語。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Bn79uw0ML
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡndUYZwSvwF
「不管事情是怎麼開始的，只要最後有好的地方值得妳保留就好了。」517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDXZOzzzzjJ
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL2uiAGcmzH
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWweSswFf6u
「妳沒必要忘記。」517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7GLHBzNrmd
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXHPTvVhqbb
我的眼淚差一點就奪眶而出。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJPXolxl5lW
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAbLft68khD
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzMeQkc34OF
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfA42lAgrXf
後來。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcXbqFaWp0o
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP05j1AGpWl
學期順利結束，我依然拿到系上的獎學金。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtYfqtaSt9C
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcmenmz9gZx
真正了解我的家人朋友，都沒有怪我隱瞞他們，我以為會面對很多責怪，卻意外收到過多的心疼。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVvHgRRVu7y
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgjJunNyaM9
我去爬了更多的山，也因為山結交了更多新朋友，也間接因為爬山認識了現在的男朋友。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR4DMlKNMDr
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHlDVaUfcDG
在之後我曾和幾個好友在居酒屋裡，酒酣耳熱之際說完了整個故事，朋友們聽到我查證的過程，開玩笑的說「妳怎麼不去徵信社上班啊！」517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcAiX2D0vDI
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP0Glutuu4D
而我真的在因緣際會下踏入了徵信業。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMVPqiv5dYG
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnf9cQg5r5M
看到了更多更多事例，才知道感情的故事，真的都是一個套路，所以我們總覺得「這首歌在寫我」，「這個故事在說我」…因為我們的感情路，好好壞壞，都差不多會是那個樣子。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJZBUw1KcP4
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWKMACgm3xX
我沒有繼續怨恨他，但也沒有原諒他，我只是原諒自己。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNcYQ0ffXUk
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZCknz7RJCE
在寫這篇之前，我偷偷地搜尋了他的名字，發現他們有了個可愛的女兒。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDaRtoMqzzA
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsWaT11D55J
「希望你專心愛她們。」我發自內心的想。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu2Hh7ahazp
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbK7NepVHXU
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZa9gVW3JSM
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5ZLaRWMa6J
完。
ns 15.158.61.13da2
