我站在門前許久，才忐忑不安的按下電鈴。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSzLGLkOs30
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc41e7wYNem
出來應門的是個有些年紀的婦人。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEVxGNaMItL
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡddEqIH1rU8
「請問，這是英傑的家嗎？」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNij49oiEy4
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh5kbxvY1p7
婦人露出狐疑的眼神。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk62rSVNN6l
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx4MrPIIx5m
「妳是…？」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTelbQsBJBT
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKCtauWZOWc
「我是英傑的朋友，因為我一直聯絡不到他，所以…」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJFXNbHpNbo
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMHHJ1QP0fA
「妳找錯間了，這裡沒這個人！」她揮揮手，避開我的眼神。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡinStEXedxx
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE7A3jPPIQh
「我知道他被通緝！」在她準備關上裡面的木門前，我急著大喊。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrtizeaQznw
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHgUc9CImBI
婦人停下動作，又把木門拉開了些。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5e1diXNyuK
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCkPbn0edlk
「他被通緝的時候我們還見過面，可是之後就斷了聯絡。」我解釋。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIq6QFsva7N
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp7V8CrB1iL
「妳是他女朋友？」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwxQYlHzHPr
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcz1iM63OAE
「不是，我不是，我是…他朋友。」我沒敢說出自己的身份。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaZjAmRydw3
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvAo2swS9qY
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡba2yZTiieK
「他沒和我們聯絡也很久了。」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0TkmI9DUfG
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnNOTHbNwnV
「還有人跟我說他死在外面了。」婦人用著台語說著，語氣平淡得不可思議。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcvAsS5TT7b
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSbqfWLxM6d
我一時語塞，沒能回話。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDYfFtDxGkI
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmWud2FvzTE
「讓妳跑一趟，歹勢，英傑不在這裡，我也不知道他在哪裡。」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡduslNRAcv8
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo04UtOo7LW
「那個…那，我可以留下我的手機，如果他有跟你們聯絡，請他跟我聯絡好嗎？」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYrS3huZxSj
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuCPPyYqoD4
婦人一臉不耐煩，我很尷尬，但還是厚臉皮的寫下自己的號碼塞過鐵門，交到婦人手裡。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6gh6Ah8lBJ
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7LAEfaGUgM
「小姐貴姓？」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT6xHKXGGQS
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyNlxRZq5zT
「我姓豺。」我回得迅速。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcENBG0Pai8
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2DAig6HCqY
「………」婦人突然噤了聲，透過鐵門盯著我。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkmv3WO5J8A
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdJBGjI9ilY
「糟。」我心想。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR3Qr2PCj2q
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDGoSczo7CW
她隨即關上木門。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK3iqAq07Qf
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgcj0E6SeAm
「她知道我是誰了。」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCAYNbxCWrg
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPRFbph2zzo
我當下便明白，不管英傑有沒有回到這裡，我都無法得知了。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Ew6ZHlrJV
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ0hm0lSNog
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4jQIkGlJKJ
唯一的線索就這麼斷了。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKk4T74Sspl
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEVxGqIez8Z
我不敢換手機號碼，睡覺時也不關機，就怕漏接了英傑打來的電話。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR765OeIDRH
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNkhsevOWiL
就這樣升上了高中二年級，358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsaQYFb1aZr
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjgmtqL7u6j
迎來了人生的轉折。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu9JfUq3O2C
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsZjKCQd1Kh
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBpEoAuuKaS
父母親早在我國小時就已離異，但他們為了不讓我和弟弟分開，便還是住在一起。我在一個富裕的家庭長大，幾乎是要什麼有什麼，生性霸道且極端任性，父親一生風流，基於愧疚或父愛，總寵著我，比起成天碎碎念的母親，我覺得自己比較愛爸爸。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCqzGmrIHM5
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3bxh4KxhlL
在高二那一年，父親生意失利，經營的公司惡性倒閉，再加上「賭」及「面子」，父親找上了地下錢莊。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQbhMLSjHSz
「家道中落」似乎是一瞬間的事。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgWgfdocu0k
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWeeqDdXY14
當我放學回家，看見債主找人在家門用噴漆寫上的字眼，我還沒能反應過來。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ48yWaBpaPh
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTbh30SrvBG
「都已經離婚了，為什麼還這樣拖累我！」
母親氣得哭了。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPbUUS1g1zG
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoNIBp3k2uS
某天晚上，母親進來房間，告訴我，房子要賣掉了。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡInk9OGAl72
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTKMjjUCJgt
他們離婚後，所買的房子仍是共有財產，父親要把房子賣掉，才能償還債務。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡappQ6ghLD6
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8i7gnzFIds
我還沒能了解事態的嚴重，跑到客廳跟低著頭的父親大吼「這是我長大的家，就因為你，所以我的家就要這樣沒了！」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbbow21WSgs
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfVpnueeKlg
「那妳要我死是不是！」爸爸第一次吼我。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBO5rYrW8zn
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPAd9HPoZMX
「我沒錢，地下錢莊說要砍我手腳，我讓他砍是不是！」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEg8HpxWiPZ
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzvoacjua2X
我嚇到了，沒能反駁。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO4JvDNkhtg
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgnqNjzCAM9
「房子要賣給媽媽的朋友，那個朋友說可以再租給媽媽。因為是妳爸爸要賣的，所以他要搬出去，妳就跟媽媽和弟弟繼續住在這裡，不用搬家。」
母親在旁緩頰。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfVpIyyLVLD
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡapDchgSruY
我沒說話，看了看坐在沙發上的父親與一旁滿臉擔憂的母親，便逕自走回房間。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhQ8bjxZtbo
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyUuggvHOlI
回到房間，想起國小五年級那天，母親到安親班接我和弟弟，把我拉到一旁說的話。
「媽媽今天和爸爸去辦離婚了，妳爸爸堅持要其中一個小孩的監護權，弟弟又還小…所以妳的監護權是爸爸。媽媽不是不要妳，妳不要擔心。我們也說好不會讓妳跟弟弟分開，所以我們大家還是會住在一起喔！」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLj4TAVoMw9
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiLg5zWGoHP
我突然明白自己不能接受房子賣掉的原因是什麼。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBlHE7D4y8W
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ56IOYRhsss
我不能接受的，其實是家的破碎。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfnLxgou4y9
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbA5vr5vbT6
因為一直都住在一起，所以沒有分離的感覺。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBxTJbeUg8g
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeQ65vCLJHB
「妳爸爸是一個無情的人。」
「因為小時候是養子，他弟弟出生後，就被虐待又被冷落，所以就連阿公過世也沒回去奔喪。」
「他和前一個老婆離婚之後，完全沒有再過問他們的生活，也從來沒去看過他以前的小孩。」
母親曾這麼說過。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV2Eo4w2day
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXsidC6n92S
「妳不要管我，反正我的監護權又不是妳！」
「是妳自己不要我的！」
某次和母親吵架，我說了這樣的話，害母親哭了整晚。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1MdDC37NAI
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwwPgWHPY1k
「去和妳媽媽道歉。」
「她沒有不要妳。」
那天晚上父親走到房間嚴厲地說。
而他根本很少命令我做什麼。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRaMEWnQZqz
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOJMOkoXpDX
「小姐貴姓？」
「我姓豺。」
關上門前那婦人的眼神，帶了驚訝及恨意。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzzxrat8dRC
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI4pymtIMnS
「以前我會怪別人、怪命運，其實我不能怪誰。」
「曾有一段時間我忌妒妳，妳擁有我未曾擁有的一切。」
「現在我誰也不怪了。」
紙上那美麗的字，看起來多麼傷心。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwC7P89zheC
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkhkNMT6Q2T
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBtuaoqNMEb
我的腦中閃現了許許多多回憶。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmcZU4WXaES
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIrSaA8OdIl
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGkvJ203Yvh
媽媽睡了之後，我走到客廳，父親盯著電視，卻兩眼無神。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbFPm2QgYsZ
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMzbHkrGLdP
「爸爸。」我喊他。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjB98aXUQ67
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl7TpNebZEp
父親抬頭看我。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhc4ApN7gcR
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUTQt4jsKXZ
「你搬出去之後要去哪裡？」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhyLBqVqLXQ
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5205DrJghM
「我不知道。」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfvEyLQOR3O
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq22U7ozJ0X
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm6b7vGqzdF
「我和你一起搬走。」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjJQ8WSgDD1
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY7BDB5xCaj
我說出這句話的時候，爸爸一臉驚訝。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE6B5BbutV2
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNMJADtOtZ7
「真的嗎？」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOVkkvAwxmW
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT86uCYNbJo
「嗯。」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe1VZDB3tpa
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡebpWzgBsJH
「…好啊。」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡas3IUX0dCI
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEWjLvKe3y5
「那我去睡了，爸爸晚安。」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwxqcA6syFA
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG3q8meoh8L
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLSsI02TMwC
那時，我只想著，父親一旦離開了，我可能再也見不到他。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡINTy8qwGnX
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxv6O1pICg5
即使他不是個好兒子、好丈夫或稱職的父親，他仍是我的父親，從來都捨不得打我罵我的父親。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPnazqs95F5
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtUuQXAGOfX
隔天，我便自己出門找房子。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGUB4LQqEWL
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQwE0vfVsuJ
母親雖然擔心又不捨，但沒能阻止我的任性與固執，就還是陪著我找房子。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1QlAFiPO6t
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX8GDA8Saph
我們在離家不遠的地方找到新住處，因為我當時尚未成年，還是請父親來和房東簽合約，之後，我自己忙搬家，請了開貨車的親戚與國中同學幫忙，把所有的家具都搬到新住處。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9MUl27kXgs
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPk47CKRWia
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTVIGaWc6OO
然而父親沒有因此痛改前非，我們搬家後沒多久，又有新的債主找上門。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi6auz0793E
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8FsjXvz9cc
那天，黑兔子（忘記她的人請往前看系列文）趁著假日到家裡玩，我們在房間聊天，父親在客廳看電視。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb38upHP8MP
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAtOhlVlUfd
正嘻嘻哈哈的時候，有人按電鈴。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeXvupNcaQ1
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlqV4pm8Cej
按了好幾聲，父親卻不去應門。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡojRV9pcRVk
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSDSmuKwPwg
我走到客廳，看見父親把手指舉在嘴巴前面，示意我不要出聲。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxknRlFSW5j
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4nz0pA5aRv
對方按了幾下電鈴，便開始撞門，接著大聲咆哮、怒罵三字經。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYclW0ivfHR
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ77rKnO85Im
房間裡的黑兔子嚇到，悄聲問我怎麼回事，我覺得很丟臉，但還是告訴她，門外的是父親的債主，我們得裝做不在家…但是債主大概早就猜到我們假裝不在家吧，才會待在門外不走。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBnqnZTiIwL
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡniJ17xwwEt
直到傍晚，我才戰戰兢兢的開門，送黑兔子到公車站搭車。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ6FH6uPtbz
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡovEgusPopX
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgLUla7EV5n
那年發生的事情非常地多，我喜歡上了一個學長，但他卻用各種不同的方式，在我的身上、心上都留下殘酷的疤痕。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJe5AIEm7DC
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdTGiDTH6Uc
但那是另一個故事了。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNpqZzmNwBn
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNeNLBsL4z7
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjwUzW2Psrp
我和父親常常為了錢的事情吵架。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaLsQX529Xg
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjUWkl8Fyq5
我就讀的學校是私立職校，學費非常地貴。而我放學後在賣場打工所賺的錢，付了生活所需的開銷以後幾乎所剩無幾。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTSxmUU7Mzg
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSdBliImQmO
那些茶來伸手、飯來張口，像個公主的日子彷彿離自己已經非常遙遠。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrllgM9FMkY
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKcQBDtrY8z
我偶爾會回去媽媽家吃飯，但絕口不提自己為錢煩惱的事。也許是怕母親擔心，又也許是怕母親責怪父親吧。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8qP9XEsZMo
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbTYwDqT3Nf
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpzAkDYezmX
在那些身心俱疲的日子裡，我很常想起英傑。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeHPUjdWD1y
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJPgzGtr4NO
為什麼一直都沒有和我聯絡呢？358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ16iMVoEXg
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH1Yl5HlXY3
難道逃出台灣了嗎？358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgFMPlGfSrt
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCtOiEKc65E
難道…真的死了嗎？358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq3B27GCdSK
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRSfCpGY6iG
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqmHw1uNghL
一天晚上，我帶著傷痕回家，在家門前，我把運動外套拉起，確定不會被看見痕跡之後進門，想著自己為什麼這樣找罪受。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ46mrHaC1Kx
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2noJYHc2VK
但父親不在家。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7HICdkMEU2
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJIfoHKkWIf
撥了父親的電話，聽見那邊的麻將聲。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIxCGXc4LuS
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcMR1rCwcy9
我對父親大吼，卻被掛電話。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuYqQsfjYDm
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUl4Fp9ulWb
那一刻，我想著自己所做的一切。358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUm7ZlWREAJ
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDlT6ULxQFg
「都是自己選的。」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ077NobhRxO
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4qhHvtBrbA
「沒人逼妳，都是妳自己選的。」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQfolQhHl0D
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXa6a7MQMyt
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoHF1RELtY4
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Cps2hK7FL
「乾脆，去死好了。」358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0oVTlSctF8
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmxFGLnOM1x
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0r9U8Bk9Lh
358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbhzvtqHFnX
待續。
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