說起在南京的過去，這座城市當中的很多地方很多很多模樣都還依舊令我懷念，只是到了今天這座城市卻變的越來越不像原本的樣子，原本激情澎湃的人們變的越來越少，雖然以前的時候生活在那依舊面臨著很多問題，但是至少比現在的情況好至少那時候還有一部分自由，還能夠比較容易的學習到真正的先進思想，還能夠比較容易的受到很多啓發，至少那個時候平庸主義還不是一種流行文化。188Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡawumege957
Speaking of the past in Nanjing, many places, many, many appearances in this city still make me nostalgic, but today the city has become less and less like the original appearance, and the original passionate people have become more and more. The less you come, although there were still many problems living there before, but at least it was better than the current situation. At least there was some freedom at that time, and it was easier to learn the real advanced ideas, and it was easier to receive A lot of inspiration, at least at that time banality was not a pop culture.
有很多事情那個時候並不懂但是在離開後就恍然明白了，就像那個時候還覺得眼下這裏的生活會越來越好一樣，當然城市中的風雲萬變終究還是告訴了我真相，那些看上去美好的東西很多都並不美好，因為有人享受就一定有人為你做苦力而有人做苦力就必然有人受壓迫，生活在那時間長了也慢慢的看到了許多真實的都市社會面貌，這在任何一個地方的大都市都一樣存在，無論是南京還是紐約，無論是東京還是迪拜。188Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZTkAxY9hWS
There are a lot of things that I didn’t understand at that time but I suddenly understood after I left, just like at that time I still felt that life here will get better and better. Of course, the changing situation in the city still told me the truth after all. Many of the beautiful things that go up are not good, because if someone enjoys someone, someone must do coolies for you, and someone who does coolies must be oppressed. After living there for a long time, I have slowly seen many real urban society. Metropolises exist in any place, whether it is Nanjing or New York, whether it is Tokyo or Dubai.
我由衷感慨小時候能夠親自閱讀到很多描述社會事實的文章這些都是在今天的中國大陸所不能夠讀到的，也很慶幸當時的一部分同學願意毫無保留的啓發我，那時候很多東西我並不明白但是心裏卻很清楚外面的世界更大機會也更多，只是生活在那常常感到渺茫和無數次的糾結，一側是眼前的美好景象和歡樂氛圍另一側是未知的大世界，在眼前的這片地方收穫不到任何好處走出外界的希望又很渺茫，漫長歲月裏我都一直想方設法的思考著這樣一個極有未來價值的問題。188Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvQ2uGb5paD
I sincerely sigh that when I was young, I was able to personally read many articles describing social facts. These are not available in mainland China today. I am also very grateful that some of my classmates at the time were willing to enlighten me without reservation. I don’t understand, but I know in my heart that the outside world has more opportunities and more opportunities. It’s just that living in that often feels vague and entangled countless times. On one side is the beautiful scene and joyful atmosphere in front of you, on the other side is the unknown world. There is no benefit to this place in front of me. The hope of going out of the outside world is very slim. I have been thinking about such a problem of great future value for a long time.
它曾困擾著我，曾令我沒有好好享受過“原本應該快樂的兒童時光”，卻也意外的成為了一份永久的未來財富，它是我生命故事中不可或缺的一部分也是一筆無盡的財產，如同那無數英雄人民締造的高牆和壁壘一般屹立不倒。188Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2USz4C7uur
It has bothered me, it has made me not enjoy the "time of children that should have been happy", but it has unexpectedly become a permanent future wealth. It is an indispensable part of my life story and an endless amount of it. Property, like the walls and barriers built by countless heroic people, will stand upright.
如果說這是我人生中最為正確的一件事情當然也同樣有一件事情，它是我一生中最不正確的事情，當然不是絕對也不能用絕對的眼光來看待。188Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBBIF8232vn
If this is the most correct thing in my life, of course there is also one thing, it is the most incorrect thing in my life, of course it is not absolutely and cannot be viewed with absolute eyes.
我曾寫過我和一個交往長達3年的朋友徹底反目的事情，在那三年的時間當中我深思熟慮了很久從2015年的4月11日一直到2020年的5月23日，這個決定在2019年的冬天我就已經開始思考了我想如果沒有這次疫情我還會繼續同他交往下去，繼續使用那個當初出於自卑心態而偽造的假身份，好在一場疫情能夠讓我從這個虛幻的夢境當中醒來，一直到5月23日這天我終於做出了這個決定那就是透露真相，那一刻我終於擺脫了這個長達3年的包袱。188Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfFLksYQ2Yv
I once wrote about a completely anti-purpose thing between me and a friend who had been in contact for three years. During those three years, I thought about it for a long time. From April 11, 2015, to May 23, 2020, this decision In the winter of 2019, I have already begun to think about it. I think if there is no such epidemic, I will continue to associate with him and continue to use the false identity that was originally forged out of an inferiority complex. Fortunately, an epidemic can make me from this illusion. I woke up in the dream, until May 23rd, I finally made this decision that is to reveal the truth. At that moment, I finally got rid of this 3-year baggage.
我想，好在那個時候我還有機會可以面對那些現實，雖然那些現實都很殘酷，但至少不像現在到處都充斥著麻醉人心的平庸主義浪潮，的確在過去的時候我很希望能生活在一個人人都能夠去除激進主義的世界當中，只是那段我最希望逃離的過去如今卻成了一種我所希望迴歸的舊夢，曾經希望擁有的某些東西如今漸漸的成了我最痛恨的東西，一些時候時勢就是真有趣它讓你對一個痛恨的東西產生完全相反的回味，也可能讓你對什麼東西產生恨意。188Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpENDN3zif7
I think, fortunately, at that time, I still had the opportunity to face those realities. Although those realities were cruel, at least unlike the banalism that is full of narcotic waves everywhere, I really wanted to live in the past. In a world where everyone can get rid of activism, it’s just the past that I most wish to escape has now become an old dream I wish to return to. Some things I once wished to have have gradually become the things I hate most. , Sometimes the situation is really interesting. It makes you have a completely opposite aftertaste for something you hate, and it may also make you hate something.
就像我父親和那位從前的煙臺朋友，一個是我最不希望接觸的人一個是我非常希望接觸的人，一個令我一開始心生恨意一個一開始令我喜歡他並希望能夠依附於他，但是到頭來那個一開始令我心生恨意的人卻辦到了一件好事，那就是他令我很早就間接的明白了許多有著未來價值的哲理，也締造了我如今的心理素質和膽量，一些時候壞人辦到一件大好事而好人也會幹一件大壞事，就像那位從前的煙臺朋友他在我看來可是一個非常好的人，即是我曾經理想中的伴侶也被我賦予了很多高尚的稱讚，可偏偏就是這樣的一個聽上去很好的人，卻曾差點間接的殺掉我，在那三年中他向我輸入了大量充滿平庸主義和幻想主義的思想內容，這些內容曾令我險些喪失鬥志甚至差點走向一條不歸路，因為他的思想內容我曾想過自殺但一個瘋子的出現則給了我繼續活下去的信念。188Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Vwnp4AN5X
Just like my father and that former friend from Yantai, one is the person I least want to contact, the other is the person I really want to meet, the one that made me hate at the beginning, the one that made me like him and hope to be attached To him, but in the end, the person who hated me at the beginning did a good thing, that is, he made me indirectly understand many philosophies with future value early on, and also created my current psychological quality. And courage, sometimes bad guys do a good thing and good guys do a big bad thing, just like that former Yantai friend, in my opinion, he is a very good person, that is, my ideal partner. I also gave me a lot of noble praise, but it was such a good-sounding person, but he almost killed me indirectly. During those three years, he imported a lot of mediocrity and fantasy. The content of my thoughts. These contents almost made me lose my fighting spirit and even almost went to a path of no return. Because of his thoughts, I had thought about suicide, but the appearance of a crazyman gave me the belief to continue living.
那個瘋子並不是我父親也不是劉振漢，他是我曾經在清真寺見過的一個人，他是一個印度尼西亞人，他和我談論過很多充斥著好戰思想的內容，我記得那一次也是我在中國大陸第一次進入清真寺，我遇見了他和他說了很長時間的話，一開始我還依舊天真的以為煙臺朋友說的才算是真理不過現實依舊很骨感，我最後還是選擇了相信一個好戰份子對我說過的話，一直到今天每當我想起那短對話的時候都會覺得很有鬥志，就感覺未來的光明就在眼前，而每當想起從前那位煙臺朋友輸入給我的東西就感覺人生毫無希望，一切的一切促使我最後選擇了相信瘋子。188Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRJeLd1ARg2
That lunatic is not my father nor Liu Zhenhan. He is a person I have met in a mosque. He is an Indonesian. He talked to me about a lot of content full of belligerent thoughts. I remember that time I was in mainland China. When I entered the mosque for the first time, I met him and talked to him for a long time. At first, I was still naive and thought that what Yantai friends said was the truth, but the reality was still very skinny. I finally chose to believe in a warlike What I have said to me, until today, whenever I think of that short conversation, I feel very fighting spirit. I feel that the light of the future is right in front of me, and whenever I think of what the former Yantai friend inputted to me. There is no hope in life, and everything prompted me to finally choose to believe in a lunatic.
在我看來，過去最值得留念的東西其實就恰好是那些當年見過的場面，因為一些人而獲得的未來財富哪怕他是我過去最恨的某個人。188Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzraP2Magv5
In my opinion, the most memorable things in the past are actually the scenes I have seen back then. The future wealth gained by some people even if he is the person I hate the most in the past.
