我的生活就像是那工業都市中的一顆螺絲，因為渺小所以就不太被顧及。
My life is like a screw in that industrial city. Because it is small, it is not taken seriously.
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一方面因為不太容易被顧及所以有很多事情都要依靠自己隱忍，另一方面在一個工業都市中的那種不健康的氛圍也曾讓我染上了病
On the one hand, because it is not easy to be taken care of, there are many things that I have to rely on myself to endure. On the other hand, the unhealthy atmosphere in an industrial city has also made me sick.
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就像我之前說過的那樣我無時無刻不在面對自己家庭內部的爭鬥，不過這並不是主要的原因，在這座工業都市內的那種不健康的環境才是主要原因。
As I said before, I face the struggle within my family all the time, but this is not the main reason. The unhealthy environment in this industrial city is the main reason.
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那是一個極端的環境，它只允許你有兩個極端的選項，一個是很早就要做好隨時赴死的覺悟，另一個則是將自己泡在一個美麗的夢境當中來逃避眼前的一切，就只有這樣兩個極端的不正常的選項。
It's an extreme environment, it only allows you to have two extreme options, one is to realize the consciousness of going to death at any time early, and the other is to soak yourself in a beautiful dream to escape everything in front of you , There are only these two extreme abnormal options.
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（那時候僅有的選擇就像這兩張照片 At that time, the only choice was like these two photos）
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我想這時候你們也許會問我，你並沒有生活在一個戰爭時代，為何還會有一個死亡的選項，這時候我會這麽回答："只有你站在我的角度親自體會過我的生活你纔會很確切的明白，另外記得極端的環境只有極端的選項而我最終還是選擇相信戰鬥到死是永恆的光榮!"
I think you may ask me at this time, you are not living in a war era, why there is a death option, this time I will answer this way: "Only you stand in my perspective and experience my life personally I will understand exactly, and remember that extreme environments have only extreme options and I finally chose to believe that fighting to death is an eternal glory! "
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我做出這個選擇的理由其實也很容易理解，因為在這種情況下哪怕你兩個選項都不希望去選，你依舊被環境強迫去在這兩個選項之間做出選擇，我明白童話 是很正能量，不過在一個負面的因素高於正面因素的地方這個選項就等於是滅亡，在數學上有著一個叫"負負得正"的話，就是只有兩個負面因素才能夠合成正面因素就 像極端負面的環境配上極端負面的選擇。
The reason why I made this choice is actually very easy to understand, because in this case, even if you do not want to choose between the two options, you are still forced by the environment to choose between these two options, I understand the fairy tale It is very positive energy, but in a place where the negative factor is higher than the positive factor, this option is equivalent to extinction. In mathematics, if there is a "negative negative positive", only two negative factors can synthesize positive factors. An extremely negative environment coupled with extremely negative choices.
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我為何相信這套理論，因為我自己兩個選項都嘗試過，也在這個過程中發覺了這兩個選項各自的優勢。
Why do I believe this theory, because I have tried both options myself, and also discovered the advantages of each option in the process.
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你們當中的大部分人或許很難明白為何我有這樣的言辭，其實也很簡單因為我在那裏生活過另外我對這個問題思考的很深刻，我思考的動力便來自於黑暗和苦難那些因素迫使我從其它的地方尋找光明哪怕只是一段簡短的話，都會是黑暗和絕望中的一絲光芒讓你找回戰鬥下去的勇氣。
Most of you may have a hard time understanding why I have such words, but it ’s actually very simple because I lived there. In addition, I think deeply about this issue, and my motivation for thinking comes from the forces of darkness and suffering. I look for light from other places, even if it is only a short paragraph, it will be a glimmer of darkness and despair that will make you find the courage to fight back.
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我一直以來就一直未曾放棄過這套戰鬥哲學，哪怕曾經年幼的我並沒有非常堅定的堅持相信但是我又從未拋棄這門哲學，我後來認識了一位朋友便讓我明白了戰鬥哲學的優勢，他和我一樣出生在黑暗當中我選擇了相信戰死光榮他選擇了將自己泡在美夢當中，最後他變得越來越抑鬱而我則越來越豁達開朗，我明白一方面是我離開了那個不健康的地方，而另一方面則正是因為我當初做出了正確的選擇。
I have never given up this fighting philosophy, even if I was young, I did not insist on it very firmly but I never abandoned this philosophy. I later met a friend and made me understand the fighting philosophy The advantage, he was born in the dark like me. I chose to believe in the glory of death. He chose to soak himself in the dream. Finally, he became more and more depressed and I became more open-minded. I left that unhealthy place, and on the other hand, it was because I made the right choice.
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我為何能夠總結出這些，最早的契機就來自我父母各自的身世背景，我從中發覺了兩者身世背景中的優勢和缺陷，如果說我父親的身世背景缺陷在奶奶的控制慾和扭曲的價值觀影響，那麽我媽媽的身世背景就缺陷在過於平穩和缺少思考的契機，以及過度的理想主義和過分的相信童話。
Why am I able to sum up these? The earliest opportunity came from my parents ’respective backgrounds. I discovered the advantages and disadvantages of the two ’s backgrounds. If my father ’s background is flawed in my grandmother ’s desire for control and distorted values effect , Then my mother's background is flawed in too stable and lack of thinking opportunities, as well as excessive idealism and excessive belief in fairy tales.
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而我人生中苦難的開始也正是因為這個並不正確的選擇，就像是這段婚姻，但是從另外一個角度來看我卻也從中獲取到了大量寶貴的材料，而這些則是我父母都不具備的東西。
And the beginning of suffering in my life is precisely because of this incorrect choice, like this marriage, but from another perspective, I also got a lot of valuable materials from it, and these are my parents. Things that are not available.
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我生活在一個不健康的環境當這是沒錯，我即因為這個環境而產生過疾病卻也在這之中收穫到意外的驚喜。
I live in an unhealthy environment. When this is true, I have been sick because of this environment, but I also received unexpected surprises.
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最後我總結一下我在那裏的人生概括：“不僅僅是不理解和歧視你需要面對，不僅僅是家庭的爭鬥你要面對，你更要面對的其實是自己心中各個不同的角色，它們的性質各個不一樣可以說就像一個巴爾幹”
Finally, I summarize my life summary there: “It ’s not just that you do n’t understand and discriminate. You need to face it. It ’s not just the family fight that you have to face. What you have to face is actually the different roles in your heart. They are different in nature and can be said to be like a Balkan. "
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而這樣太多的事情太多的苦痛，你都只能選擇隱忍，因為在那裏沒有幾個人願意瞭解你的苦痛，最瞭解這些的只有你自己也許會有第二個人不過這樣的人很少，在我的一生中我也僅僅遇見過一個人能夠如此的瞭解我，他叫劉振漢。
And there are so many things and too much pain, you can only choose to endure, because there are few people who are willing to understand your pain, the only one who knows these things is that you may have a second person, but there are very few such people. In my life, I have only met a person who can understand me so much. His name is Liu Zhenhan.
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這也許會是整片故事當中的一個額外插曲，不過若是你們感興趣的我也願意帶你們去看看。
This may be an extra episode in the whole story, but if you are interested, I would also like to show you.
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