那是2019年的3月份春天，我正在我位於紐約的學校中正常進行著自己的學業，但是就在3月13日我接到了一個通知，我必須暫時離開紐約前往廣州，為了綠卡面試。
It was the spring of March 2019, and I was doing my studies normally at my school in New York, but on March 13th I received a notice that I must temporarily leave New York and go to Guangzhou for a green card interview.
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那一天早上我早早的起床搭乘了學校的出租車去往肯尼迪國際機場，一路上我的心情非常複雜，我清楚這或許會是一個挑戰又清楚在廣州的日子會有些滋潤。
That morning I got up early and took a school taxi to JFK International Airport. My mood was very complicated along the way. I knew that this might be a challenge and that the days in Guangzhou would be a little nourishing.
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因為去了廣州之後我可以品嚐到很多家鄉菜，也可以暫時不需要擔心那時在美國的消費問題，那一天我在在出租車上的時候想到這些時心情都會放鬆很多。
Because after I went to Guangzhou, I could taste many hometown dishes, and I didn't need to worry about the consumption problems in the United States at that time. When I was in a taxi that day, I thought that I would relax a lot.
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我還記得，當我走進機場候機室等候飛機的時候，我的心情是那樣的五味雜陳，這是一種很難用言語去形容的心情，我即可以想到拿到美國身份後的興高采烈因為那是我無論如何都不敢想象的，另一面我也做好了最壞的打算那就是進入中國境內後被逮捕，因為我本身是一個中國的異政見人士，我不喜歡中共。
I still remember that when I walked into the airport waiting room to wait for the plane, my mood was so mixed. This is a mood that is difficult to describe in words. I can think of the exuberance after I got the American identity. Because that was something I couldn't imagine anyway. On the other hand, I also made the worst plan that I would be arrested after entering China, because I am a Chinese dissident and I don't like the CCP
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這也就是為什麼我計劃逃離中國大陸，那時候我的心中依舊有一些糾結，一方面我希望逃離中國大陸因為那裏的發展空間很小，另一方面那又是我最為熟悉的生活環境而離開就意味著要重新融入到一個完全不一樣的環境中。
This is why I plan to escape from mainland China. At that time, I still had some entanglements in my heart. On the one hand, I hope to escape from mainland China because of the small development space there. On the other hand, it is the living environment I am most familiar with. It means reintegrating into a completely different environment.
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那天下午1點33分我登上了從紐約去往廣州的飛機，一路上我時不時的感到忐忑不安，我一直都擔心到達中國後被逮捕，我在飛機上喝了一些紅酒來麻痺一下神經，或者 看一些感興趣的電影或者聽聽兒歌，這是我那時候在飛機上舒緩心情的方式，其實我那時候最想做的事情是吸菸。
I boarded the plane from New York to Guangzhou at 1:33 that day, and I felt uneasy from time to time along the way. I always worried about being arrested after arriving in China. I drank some red wine on the plane to paralyze my nerves, or Watching some interesting movies or listening to children's songs was the way to relax my mood on the plane at that time. In fact, the thing I wanted to do at the time was smoking.
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我一路上都聽著一首兒歌名叫《小星星》那是我最喜歡的兒歌，我在飛機上做過一個夢，那就得我成為了烈士之後升入了天堂。
I listened to a children's song along the way called "Little Star" that was my favorite children's song. I had a dream on the plane, and then I became a martyr and went to heaven.
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在飛機上我看了一篇微電影，名叫《老兵的約定》這則故事改編自一位參加過常德會戰的抗戰老兵陳錫強的故事，我一直深刻的記得那樣一句話：“用我一條命，換你幾代人!”
On the plane, I watched a micro movie called "The Veteran's Promise". This story was adapted from the story of Chen Xiqiang, an anti-Japanese veteran who participated in the Changde Battle. I always remember that sentence: "Use my life , Change your generations!"
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我看了這部微電影好幾遍，每每想到這部影片的時候我都會哭，在飛機上睡覺的時候我的夢中就見到了那些烈士，夢中我和他們一樣成為了烈士，我們都成為了一群快樂的小朋友一起踢足球，一起玩耍一起歡笑，大家都被疼愛著都生活的很安寧很歡樂，沒有疾苦。
I have watched this micro movie several times, and I cry every time I think about this movie. When I sleep on the plane, I see those martyrs in my dream. In the dream, I became a martyr like them. Happy children play soccer together, laugh and play together, everyone is loved and all live in peace and joy, without suffering.
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醒來後我又問空乘要了一罐啤酒，我一邊喝啤酒一邊思索著生命的意義和層次這個問題，我思索了很多。
When I woke up, I asked the flight attendant for a can of beer. I was thinking about the meaning and level of life while drinking beer. I thought a lot.
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我覺得，我的家人都需要好好思索一下這個話題，我想：“正是他們沒有真正體會過這樣的場面，也因此很難理解生命的深刻意義，所以才不曾懂得世間的很多道理”
I feel that my family needs to think about this topic carefully. I thought: "It's precisely that they haven't really experienced such a scene, so it is difficult to understand the profound meaning of life, so I didn't understand many truths in the world."
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我曾透露過我曾經的家庭當中經常爆發衝突，也正是因為雙方都不懂得這些深刻的含義，也不曾懂得為人處世的高遠境界，而我由於很早就思考過這些問題因此我知道我明白的更多。
I have revealed that conflicts often broke out in my family, precisely because both parties did not understand these profound meanings, nor the lofty realm of being a human being, and because I thought about these issues very early, I know Understand more.
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“獨立的代價很大，但是沒有獨立的代價會更大!”
"The cost of independence is great, but the cost without independence will be even greater!"
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這是我最早明白的世間道理，也正是因為曾被控制過，我為此吃盡了苦頭，因此這樣的刺激令我從來就不敢停止思索。
This was the earliest truth in the world that I understood, and it was precisely because I was under control that I suffered from it. Therefore, such stimulation made me never dare to stop thinking.
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那時候在飛機上我回想到了很多過去的經歷，我想起了在幼稚園第一次和其他同齡人外出野營的經歷，我想起了在那之前不曾與人交流的經歷。
At that time, I recalled many past experiences on the plane. I remembered the first time I went out camping with other peers in kindergarten. I remembered the experience of not communicating with people before that time.
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我還回想起了剛開始學會獨立的艱辛，在離開控制後第一次學著自己穿衣服，自己刷牙洗臉。
I also recalled the hardships I had just learned to be independent, and for the first time after leaving control I learned to dress myself and brush my teeth and wash my face.
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第一次找到朋友，第一次看到大閱兵的恢宏氣勢，第一次去遊樂園玩第一次和其他同齡人玩耍，第一次擁有個人的空間，許許多多的第一次無時都在衝擊著我的大腦。
The first time I found a friend, the first time I saw the grandeur of the military parade, the first time I went to an amusement park to play with other people of the same age for the first time, I had my own space for the first time, and many times for the first time Are hitting my brain.
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我想起我第一次接受軍事訓練 第一次在動畫片和軍教片中感受到一名獨立戰士的光榮，第一次體會到那些無與倫比的歡快，這些都是此前我最缺少的東西。
I remembered my first military training. The first time I felt the glory of an independent soldier in cartoons and military education films. The first time I experienced the unparalleled joy. These are the things I have lacked before.
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在飛機上閑餘的時間當中我還回想起了在家庭和平的時候，第一次出國旅行，第一次和一同旅行的朋友們開懷暢聊，以及我第一次獨自去往澳大利亞，第一次亲身感受到異國文化，那時我在想：“謝謝，如果當初沒有得到這樣的解放，我也不可能擁有這番精彩的人生，我或許到現在都還是個什麼也不會的人”
In my spare time on the plane, I also recalled the first time I traveled abroad when my family was in peace, the first time I had a chat with friends who traveled together, and the first time I went to Australia by myself. I felt the foreign culture for the second time. At that time, I was thinking: "Thank you, if I didn't get such a liberation, I wouldn't be able to have this wonderful life. I may still be a person who doesn't know anything."
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“一些時候看上去對你不好的人，其實反而是光明的化身，一些看上去對你好的人也許是撒旦的化身”
“Sometimes people who look bad to you are actually bright avatars. Some people who look good to you may be avatars of Satan.”
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這句話是我在飛機的廁所裏對自己說過的話，因為我也曾一直問自己為何我那時候會是這個樣子，為何那時候我的人生會那麽不堪，我曾一直誤以為是我媽媽帶給我的痛苦，後來才明白其實帶給我痛苦的都是那些看似對我好的人。
This sentence is what I said to myself in the toilet of an airplane, because I have always asked myself why I would be like this at that time, why my life would be so unbearable at that time, I always thought it was my mother The pain that caused me, and later I realized that the people who actually caused me pain are those who seem to be good to me.
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這時我的腦海中想到了幾個人，一個是我曾經的教官，一個是我的奶奶，一個曾經看似對我並不好一個曾經看似對我很好，但是帶給我的結果卻完全不一樣，教官雖然看似對我並不是很好卻帶給了我相當多的人生財富和一條長遠的人生道路，而我奶奶看似對我很好卻剝削了我的人生，如果我不離開她那麽我的一生都將變得灰暗，我將會是她的犧牲品。
At this time, I thought of several people in my mind, one was my former instructor, one was my grandma, one used to look bad for me, and one used to look good to me, but the result brought me completely Similarly, although the instructor seems to be not very good to me, it has brought me a lot of wealth and a long-term life path, and my grandmother seems to be good to me but exploited my life, if I don’t leave her Then my life will become gray, and I will be her victim.
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“那時候，教官雖然一些時候比較嚴肅也並不會考量小朋友的心態，但是至少他把我們當做是獨立的一個人來看待，也因此我能夠從他身上學到很多寶貴的財富”
"At that time, although the instructor was sometimes serious and did not consider the children's mentality, at least he regarded us as an independent person, so I can learn a lot of valuable wealth from him."
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一直到飛機最終到達廣州白雲國際機場的時候，我才最終舒緩了一下身體接著我帶著隨身的行囊離開了飛機，一直到順利入境後我的心才最終放了下來，就這樣我在廣州的那段生活拉開了序幕，那天晚上我吃了一頓美味的廣東菜，這是我最喜歡吃的菜系。
It wasn't until the plane finally reached Guangzhou Baiyun International Airport that I finally eased my body and then I left the plane with my carry-on bag. It wasn't until after my entry that I was successful that my heart finally let go, so I was in Guangzhou That life kicked off. That night I ate a delicious Cantonese dish. This is my favorite dish.
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我在廣州待了14天，那段時間當中我每天吃的餐點都非常棒，我需要接受體檢以及接種規定疫苗，因為這些都是去接受綠卡面試時必須接受的檢查。
I stayed in Guangzhou for 14 days. During that time, the meals I ate every day were very good. I needed to undergo medical examinations and vaccinations as required, because these are the tests that must be accepted when going to the green card interview.
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在剛剛到達廣州的時候我住在一間短租公寓當中住了3天，那裏環境很一般早上起來都感覺很潮濕，不過好在之後我們住進了一間酒店後環境就改善了不少。
When I first arrived in Guangzhou, I lived in a short-term rental apartment for 3 days. The environment there is generally very humid in the morning, but fortunately, the environment has improved a lot after we moved into a hotel.
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在廣州的那些時間當中我每次都能吃的很飽，因為到處都是我喜歡的菜餚，那些天我去了廣州清真寺，又在這座城市的繁華地段當中逛了很多店，在那裏我見到了從各個地方遠道而來的人。
During those times in Guangzhou, I was full every time, because the dishes I loved were everywhere. I went to the Guangzhou Mosque those days and visited many shops in the bustling part of the city. I saw people coming from far away from various places.
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就在面試的前2天晚上，我搭上了廣州河畔上的遊船，遇見了兩位從馬來西亞來的觀光客，她們非常有禮貌也對我們非常友好，這給了我非常棒的印象。
Just two nights before the interview, I took a cruise on the banks of the Guangzhou River and met two tourists from Malaysia who were very polite and very friendly to us, which gave me a great impression.
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面試的當天我一如既往的走進了美國駐華大使館接受面試，由於知道我是赴美留學生的關係因此大使館同意了辦理加急，面試結束後的下午我獨自一人來到了廣州白雲機場搭上飛往南京的飛機，而我媽媽則在第二天搭上飛機返回南京，那天在白雲機場我買了一包香菸，之後就去了吸菸室。
On the day of the interview, I walked into the U.S. Embassy in China for an interview as always. Because I knew that I was a student studying in the United States, the embassy agreed to expedite the process. After the interview, I came to Guangzhou Baiyun Airport alone to catch up The plane that flies to Nanjing, and my mother took the plane back to Nanjing the next day. I bought a pack of cigarettes at Baiyun Airport that day, and then went to the smoking room.
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那天晚上我的心情難以用言語去形容，我坐在吸菸室的地上裝作是很輕松的樣子抽著煙，當尼古丁進入身體內產生反應的時候我感到一陣眩暈。
That night, my mood was difficult to describe in words. I sat on the floor of the smoking room and pretended to be smoking in a relaxed manner. When nicotine entered the body and reacted, I felt dizzy.
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之後帶著這種尼古丁產生的醉意，我在抽完菸後便離開吸菸室，一直到準備登機的時候我第一個登上了去往南京的飛機，當到達南京的時候也已經是晚上11點了，我回到了南京的家中後什麼也沒說就睡覺了，之後我在南京又短暫休息了3天又藉著這個機會見了我的密友。
Afterwards with this kind of nicotine intoxication, I left the smoking room after smoking, and when I was ready to board the plane, I was the first to board the plane to Nanjing. When I arrived in Nanjing, it was already At 11 o'clock in the evening, I went back to my home in Nanjing and went to sleep without saying anything. After that, I took a short rest in Nanjing for 3 days and took this opportunity to meet my close friend.
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