When Xoa returned home that evening after school, she pulled out her phone and began to plan what to say to Niko. Niko had been sending more conversational texts, but was still not opening up to Xoa, Drey or Sage. Xoa got right to the point whrn confronting Niko about what was really wrong. Now Xoa knew for sure that Niko was not okay and she was willing to fight harder than ever to keep her friend, her girlfriend, her everything close to her. And she promised herself to herself, that if anything happens, she will do anything she can to make it right for Niko.
Through all the pain and panic, Xoa had pushed aeay her feelings of how terrified she was of losing her relationship. But now, with the odds against her, Xoa had no choice but to let those thoughts fill her brain. "Does she still love me?" "will we be okay?" "does this mean i cant have her?" "how can she hate me? "
She couldnt help but think about all the times she had failed and failed and failed. And every time she thought about how much Niko meant to her, a tear slid down her cheek.
She tried to tell herself that she didn't deserve anyone, because she hadn't earned them. That Niko deserved someone who loved and cared about her. Someone who treated her well. Someone who was better than her, smarter than her, kinder than her, better than her.
Eventually Xoa came to the conclusion that she was not enough. Not enough for Niko or for anyone.
As the night fell, Xoa layed her head face-down into the fluffy pillows beneath her, finally letting the long held tears and emotions.
She cried for her best friend. She cried for herself. She cried for her past mistakes. She cried for what she had lost. She cried for all the moments in her life where she had given up. And most of all, she cried for Niko.
One thought lingered in her mind through all of her tears. "I am not enough."
With these words, Xoa drifted off to sleep.
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