Ben381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7xASqGnKIp
February 20, 2005
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6CnV7TwBbD
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Same day
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She's taking this better than I thought.
I figured she would have tried to run by now, but I guess curiosity killed the Kat. Hah. She would probably kill me if I said that out loud.
"Yeah, oh." She teases me. How can she treat me the same now that she knows the truth?
The person she is dating isn't even real. Fake dating, I mean.
Now she knows the truth, I'm a loser.
"I'm sorry." I can't even look at her, I'm so embarrassed.
"For what?" For being me.
"I'm not who you thought I was." I'm not even sure who I am anymore. I know I don't like the fake make, but what if I don't even like the real me?
Her giggle breaks through my depressing thoughts. Wait, is she laughing at me? "Ben, seriously? Why would you think this is bad news?"
"Because..." This is bad news, right?
"Stop, it's great news." Her voice sweet, like honey.
"It is?" She's glad I'm a loser?
"I mean, you've still technically been with a lot of women, I guess..." Oh shit... Here we go.
"Not as many as you would think. Like I said, most passed out and I left. I'm not really into sex with unconscious girls. Takes all the fun out of it." Oh shit, that sounded bad.
"Not that I've ever... done... that. Which you know because... I've never... done it with anyone... unconscious or not. Not that I would, you know, if given the chance. Obviously..." What the fuck is wrong with me? Stop. Talking. Idiot.
She's laughing so hard, she's shaking but no sound is coming out. She falls back on the bed, so I move to lay next to her.
"Glad you find me amusing." I chuckle, poking her cheek.
"Oh. My. God. I. Can't. Even. Breathe." She's gasping for air in between each word, but she's still hysterical.
"You know... This is kinda starting to hurt my feelings." I smile to let her know I'm just teasing her.
"Sorry!" Yeah, right.
"No, you aren't." I poke her in the side, causing her to jump. Oh man...
"Bentley! Don't. You. Dare!" She's onto me. I guess I didn't hide my excitement very well.
She holds her hands up to defend herself, like that will help.
"I swear, Ben, I'm not responsible for your injuries." I roll my eyes. Yeah, right... like she could hurt me.
I dig my fingers into her sides causing her to flail around, her screaming and laughter mixing together to fill the room. "Ben! Stop!"
I laugh as I continue my assault. "I. Am. Going. To. Kill. You." She squeals out each word, making her far less intimidating.
She tries to glare at me, but it's hard to be afraid of her when she's laughing hysterically. Her elbow shoots back, hitting me in the jaw. Okay, that hurt a little.
"Sorry!" It didn't hurt that bad, but her apologizing makes me stop. I'm tickling her and she's sorry?
Shit. I can be a real asshole sometimes.
She gulps in air, trying to calm down before smacking my chest. "That was terrible! You're so mean." She continues to hit me. I deserve it.
"I know, I'm sorry. I just like making you laugh." I should probably go back to hiding who I am or I'm going to get too attached to her, but she makes me want to be me. The real me.
"Oh." I chuckle. At least she stopped her weak attempt at beating me.
I love it when I shock her. I also love when we're laying like this, side by side, face to face. If I leaned forward just a little, I could kiss her, you know, if I wanted to. Not that I want to. At all.
Okay... I really, really want to. But it's a bad idea, right? Yep, very bad. Just keep telling yourself that.
"So... I think it's your turn now." Time to turn the tables.
"My turn for what?" She looks nervous. Now she knows how I felt earlier.
"What's your number?" I probably don't want to know, but it's only fair.
"Oh... Uh... You know... I think it's probably time for me to go..." She moves to stand, but I latch onto her wrist.
"I don't think so. I showed you mine, now show me yours." She's not getting out of this.
"Okay..." She rolls her eyes, but lays back down. I put my hand on her hip, you know, so she doesn't try to run again. No other reason. Nope.
"Well, there's not much to tell. I wasn't really allowed to date." Her eyes don't quite meet mine.
"Uh huh..." I'm waiting for the rest.
"I didn't really know any boys. So that's pretty much it." Her eyes fixed on some fascinating spot behind my head.
"Is it, now?" She knows I know, right?
"Yep." She's not a very good liar.
"No secret boyfriends at school?" I prod her. Maybe she doesn't remember telling me.
"That would be kinda awkward since my school was at home... with my mom." She giggles.
"You were homeschooled? No shit?" I don't think I know anyone who was.
"Yep." Sorry, Kat, time to open up.
"Wow... Okay... So what about your cheating ex?" Her eyes go wide, but they finally meet mine.
"How do you... How?" Seems I've made her speechless again.
"You told me." She looks so utterly shocked, and I almost feel bad.
You know, maybe if I hadn't just spilled my guts before she tried to lie to me.
"I did?" Her voice is barely a whisper.
"Yes." I whisper back.
"When?" Her voice sounds so small. She looks into my eyes, trying to suck out my secrets.
"New Year's Eve..." Whispering didn't make it better. I didn't want to bring up that night, but I can't really avoid it at this point.
"Oh." Her face falls. Shit.
"Sorry..." Giving up on the whispering game for a game called How Many Times Can I Be a Dick in One Night? And let me tell you, nobody wins that game.
"It's fine." She's shut down, closing off from me, I can feel her pulling away.
Shit.
"You don't have to tell me." I need to fix this. Now. Before I lose her.
"No, it's fine." She huffs. I see she didn't shut down her anger.
"Okay..." I have no idea what to say or how to make this better.
She sighs. "So, my number is one."
I feel my heart break a little. Guess that's my answer. She didn't wait for me.
Damn it, stop thinking like that. This is a fake relationship. Fake. Fake. Fake.
"Who?" Is all I can manage to say.
"The summer before college, I met David. He was fun and seemed to actually like me. He was a little older, but was stable, he already bought a house and everything. It was easy to get lost in the fantasy of being with him. It was almost like playing house." I slide my hand up from her hip, so I can rub circles on her back.
"But there were times he treated me like a child. He was so wise and knowledgeable about the world and I was pretty sheltered. I felt pretty stupid compared to him." The tears stream down her face, he must have really hurt her.
"What a dick." I want to smash his face in.
She sniffles. "God, how could I be so dumb? He only cared about himself."
"You aren't dumb." How could she ever believe that?
"Yeah right." She scoffs, looking away.
I stop rubbing her back to wipe her tears. I turn her face back to me. "Listen to me, you are an intelligent and beautiful woman. Don't let anyone ever tell you differently."
I mean every word. She closes her eyes, leaning into my hand. I want to comfort her, but I know the story isn't over.
"Looking back on it now, I can't believe I had sex with him. It was awful. It hurt and he didn't even care if I enjoyed it." Her sobs growing louder. "He was my first and only. I can't ever get rid of that."
I envelope get in my arms, allowing her to cry into my chest. "He didn't even take care of you first?"
"Take care of me?" Her eyes open to a slit.
"You know, give you an orgasm?" Isn't that what guys are supposed to do?
She blushes, her mouth popping open. "What? No!"
"Bastard. No wonder you didn't enjoy it." Seriously, this guy didn't even take care of her and he's the one that cheated? What an ass.
"It's no big deal, really." God, he trained her well, didn't he? She doesn't even know what she's missing out on.
"Wait... You have had one though, right?" She looks away, her blush all the answer I need. I can't believe it.
"Not even on your own?" Seriously, as soon as I realized what my dick could do, it was hard not to do it. No pun intended.
She shakes her head. "You don't know my dad."
Wait... What? "What the fuck does your dad have to do with it?"
"He's a preacher, pretty hardcore against it. Sexual immortality and everything." Oh shit. I can't decide if it's super hot or if I'm more terrified of her father.
"You're a preacher's daughter?" How did I not know this?
"Yeah..." She looks away, blushing.
"Okay..." Time to get off the topic of her dad.
"You know, sex isn't the only first." Her gaze snaps back to mine. "In fact, I can think of lots of other things to try."
"Yeah, but it's the only one that anyone cares about. Once you give it up, you're a whore, at least for girls." She's not wrong. Guys get praised and girls get shamed. It doesn't make sense.
"Excuse me, I believe I've been called a man-whore on several occasions and I haven't even had sex yet." I scoff, pretending to be offended.
"And you're point is?" She eyes me, like I'm crazy. She might be right.
Crazy for her. Okay, that was really lame. Glad I didn't say that out loud.
"Who cares what anyone else thinks? Fuck them. You're worth isn't measured by any number, high or low."
"Then what is it measured by, oh wise one?" God, she's cute. I can't believe she's laying here with me.
"I tell you what it's not measured by. Grades, money, sexual experience, what you have, who you're with, or even your mistakes." I want her to understand that's she's worth more than anything, but I can't find the right words.
"Okay..." Guess she wasn't expecting serious Ben. "So, there's no way for me to have value?"
"Don't you see? You are worth so much more than any of that." Her eyes close, as she absorbs my words.
"You are worth more than any grade you could ever receive." I kiss her forehead, as tears stream down her face once again.
"You are worth more than any one night stand." I kiss her nose.
"You are worth more than any supermodel bimbo." I kiss her chin, as she laughs through her tears.
"You are worth more than all the money in the world." I kiss her lips, softly.
She returns my kiss, pressing her body against mine.
Holy fuck. I need her like I've never needed anyone.
I thought I loved Samantha, but it wasn't even close to the feelings I have for Kat.
Not that I love her... Do I? No way... There's no way. It's too soon. And this is all just fake.
She slides on top of me, kissing me hard, taking what she needs. And I let her.
Of course I let her.
Her tears fall on my cheeks, like a calming rain. My heart breaks for her as the saltiness mingles with our tongues.
She needs a good guy, one that won't look down on her or break her heart.
Maybe I could be a good guy. For her.
Shit. A good guy would stop this, wouldn't he?
Maybe I don't want to be a good guy.
Maybe I want to be the bad guy. They have all the fun.
I will be whatever she wants if it keeps her kissing me.
I try to pull away, to give her the chance to realize her mistake, but she presses harder against me, moaning into my mouth, breathing life into me.
Fuck it.381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡypv3Qr4AHr
