Kat611Please respect copyright.PENANASsdvNV815L
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January 1, 2005
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Same day
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"That's... not... I wasn't..." I try to explain, but now that the lust haze is gone, I am unable to rationalize my actions. 611Please respect copyright.PENANAJh7rbtF6cm
Was that what I was doing? I wanted to stop thinking about everything and I figured with what I heard about Ben, he wouldn't complain. 611Please respect copyright.PENANA8F0PJvtAQR
"Ugh... I'm such an idiot." I cover my face with my hands. I just want to get out of here. Laying next to him in my underwear after being rejected is so embarrassing. I need to leave.611Please respect copyright.PENANAcV9uOSV7P8
He pulls my hands away from my face. His eyes meeting mine. "No, you aren't. You are just hurting."611Please respect copyright.PENANAQdUDA51jm1
Is that it?611Please respect copyright.PENANAHwwEUJ8LjF
When I caught him with that whore, I was almost relieved. Maybe I'm just not processing my emotions properly... 611Please respect copyright.PENANAuG9RlbDAo5
I should be devastated. I mean, I am really upset, but I feel more like I'm mourning the life I lost, not the person. 611Please respect copyright.PENANADDoWVWYxJp
I think he wanted to get caught. He probably hoped I would join in or something.611Please respect copyright.PENANA0LQTKoxbT8
What a creep. How could I give so much to him? I cannot let myself get wrapped up in another man like that again. 611Please respect copyright.PENANA0PKKOZYBxm
I need to be strong. 611Please respect copyright.PENANArl5xIWTEdn
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I need to be independent. 611Please respect copyright.PENANAdO4223rk5j
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I need to make better choices. 611Please respect copyright.PENANAxxBsDernmH
I need to... not be here. Crap.611Please respect copyright.PENANAxZMq9NQ1u1
Ben makes me feel weak and vulnerable.611Please respect copyright.PENANAzoeswNB5Zt
But also powerful and wanted. 611Please respect copyright.PENANAgVvCdoEC8e
Ugh... I am so confused. 611Please respect copyright.PENANARqCMCvc1aU
I do know that hopping from one guy literally onto another is not a good choice.611Please respect copyright.PENANAD1yBKAjjGS
I also know that nothing casual can happen with my best friend's boyfriend's best friend. That would be all kinds of complicated. 611Please respect copyright.PENANAhlIRsTbmBg
Hopefully I haven't made things too awkward. Oh god, what if they get married? I will have to see him all the time. I will be reminded of this night forever.611Please respect copyright.PENANAg08DdpuANU
He smirks, tucking my hair behind my ear. "There she is, the wheels are turning again." 611Please respect copyright.PENANA3Lsm29GYSM
I can't help the laugh that bubbles up. I probably sound insane, but this night is all sorts of messed up. 611Please respect copyright.PENANApexDmscbAk
His face lights up and his dimples emerge. Crap. His smile turns my insides to jelly.611Please respect copyright.PENANADutCBCaTn6
"Come on, Katarina, give the poor little hamster a break. Tell me your thoughts." He gives me a reassuring smile. I'm not sure I like him using my full name, it makes my heart flutter.611Please respect copyright.PENANAiv208hBypq
"I think..." I need a light topic. I just want to ignore my problems. "I think this has been the weirdest night."611Please respect copyright.PENANAX3FOkEYrhP
He nods in agreement. "Weird good or weird bad?"611Please respect copyright.PENANAmgAgRwfnQ2
"Hah... Both?" I wince, knowing he's going to prod for more and I don't want to go any deeper.611Please respect copyright.PENANAlqC9Mkaxck
"I am going to have to agree with you." I was not expecting him to agree. "Although, I think yours had a bit more bad than mine." His hand caresses my cheek and I can't help but lean into his touch. 611Please respect copyright.PENANA00z7TOQL33
I am so weak. 611Please respect copyright.PENANAb7kkl814zF
"Hmm..." His touch is relaxing and I feel the day catching up with me. The emotions and tears taking their toll on my body. 611Please respect copyright.PENANANLzZHuekhW
"You falling asleep on me, Kitty Kat?" I can hear the smile in his voice, but I'm having trouble keeping my eyes open.611Please respect copyright.PENANAeWViQ4gn7Q
"I am not a cat." I say, as sternly as I can muster, but it comes out weak. 611Please respect copyright.PENANAvQxDbrfQ3M
"Meow." He chuckles at his own joke.611Please respect copyright.PENANAsq5xhVo0Fm
"You are so not funny." I mumble.611Please respect copyright.PENANAI2HQkRKKvA
"Oh come on. You're no fun." He tries to tease me, but he doesn't realize just how accurate he is. 611Please respect copyright.PENANAvYnHVroZDx
Maybe if I were more fun, things would be different. 611Please respect copyright.PENANAvqmbHwyywv
"If only you knew..." I snuggle into his hard chest, hoping he won't ask anymore questions. 611Please respect copyright.PENANAt5YKclUihe
I know I should leave, but I just can't bring myself to part with him. I'm sure he's filling some void and I'm being pathetic, but he hasn't thrown me out yet.611Please respect copyright.PENANAynuESs0cYJ
In fact, he pulls me tighter. Resting his face in my hair. 611Please respect copyright.PENANA5eym39oH7c
"Don't worry, I will protect you." He whispers and as I drift off into oblivion, I actually believe him. 611Please respect copyright.PENANAA05lRC29zJ
I awake to the sounds of muffled shouting. There is a heated argument somewhere nearby. 611Please respect copyright.PENANAYJ1rRyZeRe
When I try to move, I bump something hard with my elbow and freeze. I hear a groan and feel the bed move slightly. I am not alone.611Please respect copyright.PENANAUuGSpMNPFY
Oh no. 611Please respect copyright.PENANAyLtisdoR2j
What did I do? 611Please respect copyright.PENANAkTflJ3ccYK
Scanning the room, I realize I have no idea where I am or who could be behind me.611Please respect copyright.PENANA08hJKczXbB
Unless Vanessa is having a really rough morning, that was definitely too deep to be her voice.611Please respect copyright.PENANArUKkVlHHbK
Crap. I am too afraid to look, who could it be? Bits and pieces from the night come to me, but not enough to piece together anything solid.611Please respect copyright.PENANAu4s9EarTrc
I remember crying at some point.611Please respect copyright.PENANAD4aScqETv5
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I remember drinking more than I should have.611Please respect copyright.PENANAfpZBPZeovh
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I remember Vanessa being her usual self. 611Please respect copyright.PENANAPzcQQB1IlM
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I remember her new boy toy stuck to her side. 611Please respect copyright.PENANAl0p9Fp5Sr9
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And I remember... Uh oh. 611Please respect copyright.PENANAmycgkEMTTX
It couldn't be... I wouldn't... Would I?611Please respect copyright.PENANARbWG7mIdpJ
Am I really asking myself this after waking up next to some random guy? Well, maybe not so random...611Please respect copyright.PENANADGYe6kI3fY
Oh god, this is all sorts of complicated. 611Please respect copyright.PENANAjWoCG6PqWm
Okay, I just have to know... I try to roll over gently, without disturbing him. 611Please respect copyright.PENANAiU7VDGIiAm
I find a pair of amused green eyes staring back at me. A gorgeous grin with dimples on his stupid perfect face. 611Please respect copyright.PENANASa1rPMNsw6
Crap. 611Please respect copyright.PENANAJPAK0Qdplr
I know I'm blushing hard, I can literally feel my face burning. 611Please respect copyright.PENANAbQKaewoE4U
How did this happen?611Please respect copyright.PENANAgOTVrsCQo9
"You done freaking out yet?" He asks with a chuckle. 611Please respect copyright.PENANAGwk0kx8uf1
Is he... laughing at me? 611Please respect copyright.PENANAGzjTFIhNes
"Uh..." And just like that, he has short circuited the connection between my brain and mouth. 611Please respect copyright.PENANA2EbfLUM5C4
"Don't panic." He talks softly, like I am some wild animal that might bite him.611Please respect copyright.PENANAYeA71eVhQm
I am totally panicking. I just can't decide if I want to run out of the room or stay and figure out what exactly happened. 611Please respect copyright.PENANAkO7ogNy4Zu
My curiosity wins, just barely. 611Please respect copyright.PENANAzk2deix8Sr
"Nothing happened." I must look really confused, because he feels the need to explain further. "We didn't have sex."611Please respect copyright.PENANAEMo17CJPit
"Oh..." I'm not sure if I should be relieved or hurt that he was naked laying next to me.611Please respect copyright.PENANAcHZXOhxO1G
Nope. Not letting my mind go there.611Please respect copyright.PENANA5inHY6bvk9
I choose to feel relief. I wouldn't have remembered it anyway. 611Please respect copyright.PENANAWUZfhfZK6g
"Not for lack of you trying, of course." He flashes a cocky smirk at me. 611Please respect copyright.PENANAY8kfCLiI6s
I feel a frown tugging at the corners of my mouth, despite my attempt to keep my face neutral. No, I didn't throw myself at him, did I? 611Please respect copyright.PENANAhUkKU2mQpV
I vaguely remember waking up and thinking I heard my name through the wall and then... 611Please respect copyright.PENANAHVeIWuH1dl
"No way... I... Oh god!" My eyes pop open so wide, they begin to hurt.611Please respect copyright.PENANAvhYvp0CUNL
Crap. Did I really climb on top of him? Yep, I was totally grinding on him.611Please respect copyright.PENANAl0F26K5oRk
I gasp, my gaze running down his body before I can stop myself. I take in his muscles, but his bottom half is covered in a sheet. 611Please respect copyright.PENANAtF4S5qMBEt
His eyes meet mine. "Reminiscing?" 611Please respect copyright.PENANAccpOrE3gCW
"What! No!" My voice is too high and rushed to be convincing. 611Please respect copyright.PENANAF3sJkUsF6j
I remember licking his defined chest.611Please respect copyright.PENANATufWLqnVSe
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I remember... 611Please respect copyright.PENANAOmdthKWZOe
he was naked!611Please respect copyright.PENANAurPJAPCafB
I inwardly groan. I totally touched him. I know how big he is and... 611Please respect copyright.PENANAJuAyP0AYDh
Oh god! I know how he tastes. 611Please respect copyright.PENANAnMCthrRRuf
"Shit." I know it's inelegant, but I can't think of anything else to say.611Please respect copyright.PENANAhczxz2wEl3
His mouth pops open as his face twists in shock. "Did you just... I can't believe you just said shit!" 611Please respect copyright.PENANAmCmovl3gbn
"What? Why not?" I sit up, feeling defensive. 611Please respect copyright.PENANAuVrtOAc5dA
Why is he so shocked? He barely knows me. Why does he assume this? Did I say something weird last night?611Please respect copyright.PENANAyJTHchVl2T
"You seemed kinda offended when I cussed, so I guess I just assumed..." He looks shy, almost like he was caught doing something wrong.611Please respect copyright.PENANAKhuKTCx1jx
"Based on?" Sure, I don't make a habit of using curse words, but it's more an ingrained reflex than an actual choice. 611Please respect copyright.PENANAb5Zo1Kt2fT
He hesitates, like he's afraid to say and I begin to feel slightly nervous. Crap, what did I say?611Please respect copyright.PENANANJUW3kttuA
"You... uh... kinda flinched." He blushes and looks around the room. Insecure Ben is totally adorable. 611Please respect copyright.PENANAdZaENJfO0R
"Oh." I'm honestly not sure how to respond because I definitely can't tell him the truth. "Well, I wasn't offended."611Please respect copyright.PENANA6wfJseNuGB
"Okay." He blows out a breath, looking up at the ceiling. "If you say so." 611Please respect copyright.PENANA31QLjQ9ouM
He looks completely unconvinced but I can't give him more than that. 611Please respect copyright.PENANAW90Gj1OouK
"So." He clears his throat. "Not to be totally awkward here..." His gaze drops to the tent of his crotch before his eyes scan the floor. 611Please respect copyright.PENANA4SQQB4bBvy
"And not that I would mind laying in bed with you all day." He looks down my body and winks. "But, maybe we should get dressed?"611Please respect copyright.PENANAAhNLlDC11S
I look down at myself, just now realizing I'm sitting here in lacy underwear. 611Please respect copyright.PENANA6qbbdZqLVa
When I don't respond, Ben flashes his smile. "Or not, I mean you look great." 611Please respect copyright.PENANArxK38vxKOc
I am unable to hide the look of shock on my face before I snatch the sheet to cover myself. 611Please respect copyright.PENANAEPI1169gDT
Which is no longer covering "Little Ben", if you can even call it that.611Please respect copyright.PENANA1rkveqWuSr
Oops.611Please respect copyright.PENANAvtDA0gfBHg
Of course that would happen to me! I take a moment to look at it in the daylight and wow, it's like a sculpture. 611Please respect copyright.PENANAjblbd3eWvp
Unable to stop myself, I have apparently lost my filter completely around this man. 611Please respect copyright.PENANA4ploirOYhd
"Well hello, Big Ben." I try not to giggle like an immature school girl, but Ben's laugh makes me laugh harder. 611Please respect copyright.PENANAYmdB6UP2sv
"Big Ben, huh?" He grins, making my stomach flutter. He shakes his head, amused. "What am I going to do with you?"611Please respect copyright.PENANAlW6zQdR1Qf
My mouth goes dry as my mind conjures up all kinds of things he could do to me. It feels like all the air was sucked out of the room as I struggle to control my breathing. Is it hot in here, or is it just me?611Please respect copyright.PENANAvCPEq2p2iT
My gaze returns to "Big Ben", as it seems to grow, straining to reach me. 611Please respect copyright.PENANAFvN567aJi0
Prying my eyes away, I meet his green gaze. He's no longer grinning or teasing, in fact, it looks like he's in pain. 611Please respect copyright.PENANAjS5gF0opUz
"So, you like what you see?" His eyes never leaving mine. I try to close my mouth and steady my breathing. I need to keep my composure, but my head nods without my approval. 611Please respect copyright.PENANAoDFDdCmgMP
I lick my lips, remembering last night. I can't get my mouth to form words.611Please respect copyright.PENANAaq5V8Nef21
"Because I wouldn't mind seeing a little more." He reaches forward, tugging down the sheet. 611Please respect copyright.PENANAi72QFU86DT
He sucks in a breath. "Fuck, Kat."611Please respect copyright.PENANAlPF9IXzobV
I close my eyes, my insides turning to liquid fire. I love his cussing, like he can't control himself. Maybe it's because of my background and it makes him seem like such a bad boy, but it turns me on, like crazy.611Please respect copyright.PENANAeJsDCUpKvC
He caresses my breasts through the sheer fabric. "God damn, you are beautiful." 611Please respect copyright.PENANAoPJtv1brQ0
I absorb his words as another wave of lust hits me. I know this is a bad idea. I know we should not be doing this, but I'm not sure I could stop it, even if I wanted to. 611Please respect copyright.PENANAXTSWeON5FA
His hands move down my body as his mouth meets mine. His kiss is hungry and desperate and I can't get enough. 611Please respect copyright.PENANAgdcaSDvnIo
His hand grazes me where I'm aching and I nearly explode. I need him. Now. 611Please respect copyright.PENANALO5dViS6gB
"Do you have a condom?" He has to have one in here somewhere, right?611Please respect copyright.PENANAoiyXnOJF9M
He blushes and looks slightly uncomfortable. "Actually..." We both freeze as the sound of yelling grows closer. 611Please respect copyright.PENANAne2bmLGlTc
I pull the sheet up to cover myself just as the door bursts open. All I see Vanessa's fiery hair flying around as she takes the scene before her. "What the fucking fuck is fucking going on in here?" 611Please respect copyright.PENANAiNzOcHAgk4
I know her well enough to know when she can't think, she drops f-bombs. Her gaze drops to Ben's crotch, before he grabs a corner of the sheet to cover himself. 611Please respect copyright.PENANAgfn75dXKEl
I can't help the laughter that bursts out of me at the sight of her craziness. "Calm yourself, Vanessa."
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