Kat418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpKplIj88Jh
February 21, 2005
*
Same day
*
It's surreal sitting here on Ben's lap eating with all our friends. It's strange that most of my friends from college coupled up with the guys who live here.
I mean, I guess I'm not actually dating Ben, so just Sophie and Vanessa. Okay, maybe it's not really that weird.
Cole leans forward. "So, it's nice to finally meet you."
I can feel the heat rising to my face. "Uh, yeah... you too."
God, how embarrassing.
"You know, when Ben told mom he met a girl, she went crazy. Like, dancing around the house yelling 'Hallelujah'. No joke." He looks dead serious, but I can't tell if he's joking or not.
God, I hope he's joking.
Ben laughs. "Come on, Kid, you're gonna freak her out."
"Sorry, bro." Cole returns to eating his food, leaving the awkwardness behind.
Crap. Are we getting their mom's hopes up just to crush them?
When we fake break up, her only hope will be Cole, who is ironically the only "single" one at the table. Maybe there's someone we could set him up with. I think River and Anya are both single.
I lean back so Ben can eat some pasta as I talk to Sophie over his head.
"Hey Soph, how's River?" I wonder why her best friend is never here. Maybe she would like Cole.
"She's doing pretty good. She met some guy she's all excited about." Soph smiles sweetly, genuinely happy for her friend. So, maybe not her.
"We need to get her over here to meet everyone." Luke drapes his arm over the back of her chair.
"She said she might come over after yoga." Soph shrugs. River isn't known for her punctuality, she's what some might call a free spirit.
"Awesome." Luke smiles. "Everyone will love her."
So, let's try the other single friend.
"And how's Anya? I haven't talked to her in forever." I venture into roommate territory.
Sophie and Anya have struggled to co-habitate. Anya is a little... difficult to live with. It's hard to imagine anyone not liking Sophie.
"Um... She's been dealing with some stuff. I think she's pretty much moved out." That doesn't sound like Anya at all. She's so calm and poised all the time.
"Oh, wow. Is she okay?" Something must really be wrong. What could it be?
"Not really sure, since she's never around. I don't think she's even going to class anymore." That's very strange, she even attended the optional orientations.
"Really?" I can't imagine perfect Anya missing anything mandatory.
"Weird, right?" Sophie's eyes go wide.
"Very. I hope she's okay." Maybe she would talk to me about what's going on. I doubt it though, she seems pretty closed off.
"Me too. But I have to say, it is a lot calmer in our room now." We both giggle.
I guess Cole will have to just be lonely. I will join him once Ben decides he's sick of pretending.
How depressing.
"Oh, I bet. So, does that mean Riv is moving in next semester?" Sophie mentioned living with her next year, but now it can happen sooner.
"Not sure, I mentioned it, but she didn't want any bad vibes with her current roommate or something. So who knows with her." Sophie rolls her eyes. River is a little eccentric.
I look down the table, as Nate shouts part of the story he's telling, to find Vanessa glaring at me.
I'm going to have to fix this. God, I really hate confrontation. She's going to blow up at me and I'm just going to apologize and hope she forgives me.
That sounds terrible.
Everything with Ben started out so well, but maybe I should talk to him too. We've been pushing the boundaries of our fake relationship.
We need rules.
For one, we should probably stop anything physical unless we're in public. How can I say that nicely?
And two, I really need him to stop saying nice things to me when we're alone, it's messing with my head. I doubt he will though.
Shoot. I totally wasn't paying attention, but for some reason all eyes are on me. Even Vanessa's.
Crap. Crap. Crap.
Ben wraps his arms around me, leaning forward to kiss me on the cheek that's facing him. "Well, you see, I begged and begged and she finally gave in."
"Just like that?" Vanessa eyes us from the other end if the table.
"I assure you, it wasn't just like that. I groveled a lot. Felt like forever before she finally said yes." He kisses my cheek. "She put up quite a fight."
"Sounds like Kat." Kai manages to speak between bites.
"It was like one night." Vanessa rolls her eyes.
"A lot can happen in one night." He wraps his arms around me tighter, nuzzling into my neck.
That feels so good.
This all feels way too good. I need to stop mixing fantasy with reality.
"Yeah, the apocalypse could totally start in one night!" Cole flings his fork around, like he's fighting with a tiny sword. What a weird kid.
"You could kidnap someone in one night!" Leave it to Kai to pick something weird.
Everyone turns to look at him. "What?"
"That's kinda twisted, babe." Barbie leans away from him, like he might tie her up any second.
"Yeah well, let's see you come up with something better." Kai challenges her. When did this become a game?
"Oh! Oh! I know! You can get married in one night!" Barbie bounces up and down in her seat.
"Maybe in Vegas..." Luke mutters.
"You have something to tell me, Babe?" Kai turns to Barbie.
"Oops..." She holds her hands up in front of her mouth. "Did I forget to tell you about my husband?"
Everyone's laughs mingle together, causing my heart to swell. This really is a great group of people.
"Oh! You can make a baby in one night!" Nate jokes loudly, wiggling his eyebrows at Vanessa.
"Babe!" She fakes offense, slapping his shoulder.
Sophie raises her hand excitedly, but answers before being called on. "I got one! You can fall in love in one night."
"All it took was one second." Ben's voice floats from behind me before he presses a kiss to my shoulder.
Wait. What?
I hear gasps around the room, but I ignore them as I turn to look at him. "Love?"
"Shit. I can't believe that's how I said it for the first time." He shoots me an apologetic look. "Sorry, Beautiful."
"I... uh... I'll be right back." I stand up, resisting the urge to run out the front door. I calmly walk to the bathroom to splash some water on my face.
I can't imagine going back in there after that. I would really like to just go home and hide for a few days, but my roommate hates me.
Who knew faking a relationship would be so hard?
I sneak into Ben's room, leaving the light off. I fall face first into the comfort of his scent. It's a weird combination of sweat, citris, and leather, but he smells amazing.
I breathe into his soft pillow, wishing I could curl up and stay here forever.
Why did I think doing this with Ben would be a good idea?
I'm so screwed.
But can I really call this off?
I hear someone whisper from the crack in Ben's door. "Kat? Are you in here?"
Crap.
"Vanessa?" I flip over and sit up quickly, reality crashing around me.
She shushes me before joining me on the bed.
"What's going on, Ness?" Doesn't she hate me?
"I just wanted to see if you were okay." She's worried about me?
"Why do you care? I thought you were mad at me." I don't understand at all.
"Because, even though we're fighting, I still know you Katie-bug and I know when you're freaking out." She gives me a "duh" look.
"Why would you think I'm freaking out?" Like I can fool her. She knows me too well.
"Oh, I don't know... Maybe because Ben just dropped a huge bomb on you... in front of everyone." Yeah, that was a massive bomb, but we're "dating" so is it really that far fetched?
"Is it really that shocking that Ben could love me?" I don't know why I feel the need to defend this fake relationship.
Ben's declaration of love is definitely not real. Just another big gesture to prove we're the real deal.
How ridiculous.
"What? No!" She at least has the decency to look shocked. "You're awesome. He should be head over heels crazy about you. I just mean, your reaction. You know, the part where you freaked out and bolted?"
"Doesn't ring a bell." I try to lighten the mood, but my laugh feels forced.
She clears her throat. "Listen, Kat, as weird as this whole thing is to me, you really need to talk him."
"Why?" Talking to him is the last thing I want to do.
"He's totally freaking out. He confessed his love and you ran away. How do you think he feels?" He's probably relieved that I didn't say it back.
"Okay, I guess you're right." I really, really wish I could just ignore it.
"I always am." I roll my eyes at her fake confidence. I know the real her, the one she hides behind all the drinking and the fake smiles.
"Ness, I'm really sorry about what I said. It was totally out of line." I actually feel much better about apologizing now.
"Don't even worry about it. I get it now. He's not the worst guy in the world." She shoots me a wink. "I knew you were checking him out New Year's Eve."
I groan. "Please don't mention that night ever again."
"Okay, jeez." She puts her hands up in surrender. "I figured since you guys are together it would be a good memory now."
"I'm not sure that will ever be a good memory." We both laugh. "Thanks for checking on me."
"That's what sisters do." She leans forward to hug me.
I hug her back. "You know we aren't really sisters though, right?"
"Sisters from another mister!" She giggles like the crazy person she is.
I groan. "That was so lame, Ness."
"Whatever. You love me." She stands to leave.
"That I do." I laugh. She's so weird, but I always feel better after talking to her.
"Aww... Look at you saying it back and not running away. I can't believe you're all grown up!" She pretends to overdramatically cry.
"Shut up." I fold my arms, shooting a glare at her. "We can't all be perfect like you."
"Oh, please." She sits back down. "When Nate said he loved me, I didn't even remember it. He sulked for days because I never said it back. I had no clue why he was upset until he got drunk one night and blurted it out." She gives a humorless chuckle.
"How romantic." My reply dripping with sarcasm. Thank goodness she gets me, it's annoying when people think I'm being serious.
"Yeah, not the best story. I think we might need to cut back on the drinking a bit." She laughs, but if she's serious, this is huge for her. She has always used it as a crutch to mask her pain.
I think I might be mixing metaphors again. This has been a seriously messed up day, I just want to go home and sleep.
"So, I can go back to the dorm now?" I choose to ignore her earlier comment, in case she was joking.
"You could have went back anytime, but maybe you just wanted an excuse to use Ben's bed." Relief washes over me. I never thought I would be excited to go back to a dorm room, but it's home now.
"Ness! You are terrible." She has such a dirty mind.
"Yeah, yeah, come on. You wanna head home now?" She stands up, holding out her hand to pull me up.
"Yeah, I guess better tell Ben real quick." Now all I feel is dread.
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