Ben413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcEWBSenOuQ
May 21, 2005
413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCatDlbbvxH
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Three months later
*
It's been 3 months.
Three fucking months since I've talked to her. 413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTViJDXB8Kh
Touched her.413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq5b4SX1ZaJ
Held her.413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzRDoKo9HoP
Kissed her.
Three months since I've seen her smile.
Three miserable months without her laughter filling this house and my heart.
What the fuck did I do?
She pushed me away and I let her.
How could I be so fucking stupid?
I sometimes see her between classes, but she doesn't even look at me. She's playing the part of broken up a little too well.
She looks as miserable as I feel.
If only she was actually heartbroken, like I am.
If only she could feel the pain that I do when I see her but can't have her.
If only I wasn't a fucking idiot.
I fell hard for her even though I knew it was all fake.
Every touch.413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd9bfnvEzVA
Every kiss.413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkERAIUHYJE
Every word.
A lie.
She still has my favorite leather jacket, but she doesn't wear it. My grandpa gave it to me before he died, but I'm too chicken-shit to ask for it back.
There's no longer any trace of her or Red at our place. Just our lonely broken hearts.
It's fucking depressing. Like the joy has been sucked out of the walls.
Sophie has learned not to mention either one of them. Poor girl had her head bitten off one too many times.
Nate's a fucking mess. He lost "The One", plus he feels guilty for my breakup. Hate to tell him, but you can't break up a fake relationship.
I sit at the breakfast bar, contemplating my mistakes every morning over a bowl of Raisin Bran.
Praying today will be the day I get a text from my Beautiful hurricane, but it never comes.
Luke smacks his hand on my shoulder, scaring the shit out of me.
"Hey man, how are you?" He looks genuinely concerned, but I'm sick of the pity. I get why Kat would agree to fake date someone as horrible as me just to make it stop.
"I'm okay." I lie, like I do every day since she slammed the door on me. "How are you, bro?"
I try to smile, but I'm just not feeling it. The loss has settled into my bones.
I feel it when I wake up.413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTSzVm8KwiZ
I feel it when I see her. 413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa4mbYS0heZ
I feel it when I breathe.
I'm miserable and she's fine. She's probably happy just to be rid of me.
I wouldn't blame her.
"I'm pretty good. You wanna ride with us to graduation?" Trapped in a car with a happy couple? I don't fucking think so.
Nate walks into the kitchen, grumbling under his breath, before sitting on the stool next to me.
"Any fucking cereal left?" He doesn't even pretend to be okay. I envy him.
"Here, man." I hand him the box, as Luke clears his throat.
"So, you guys wanna ride with me and Soph?" Luke tries again as Nate pours the milk into his bowl.
Nate scoffs. "Not a fucking chance in hell."
"I think what he means to say is... he's riding with me." I give Luke a weak smile. He's a good guy, I don't want to offend him.
"Sure, I get it. No big deal." Holding his hands up in surrender, he backs away. "See you guys there."
We eat our cereal in silence just like every morning for the past three months.
By the time I shower, shave and get dressed, Kai's laugh is echoing throughout the house.
"And then he said, get out of my fucking spot!" I walk out to find Nate sitting on the couch, listening to Kai tell some stupid story.
"He did!" Barbie bounces next to him. "He totally did!" She giggles, but Nate sits there like a statue.
Kai slaps his shoulder. "Come on, dude! Lighten up, it was funny!"
I clear my throat, alerting them to my presence. "Hey, man, you ready to go?"
He nods, but I'm not even sure he showered. He sure as hell didn't shave. He looks like a homeless guy. At least he changed, I guess.
We don't speak on the ride over. As we're getting out of the car, he mumbles something about not wanting to be here. Trust me buddy, I completely understand.
He walks silently next to me as we head towards the outdoor stage.
I see Kat across the lawn laughing with Red and some preppy jackass. This is the happiest she's looked in a while. She better not be fucking laughing at him.
She's wearing a sexy little black dress with her wild hair down surrounding her face. She looks breathtaking, as always.
Her smile makes my chest ache.
Looks like she's over our fake relationship now. I just wish I could say the same.
Nate mutters under his breath. "God damn, mother fucker, better get the fuck away from her, before I smash his goddamn face in."
Well, shit. This won't end well.
"You okay, man?" I get a glare, but he doesn't speak to me.
Shit. He has his fighting face on.
"I don't like seeing it either, bro. But there's not much we can do about it." I really don't want to break up a fight today. I just want to stare at her and wallow in self-pity.
"Wanna fucking bet?" He clenches his fists, ready to start using them.
"Dude, beating up some random guy isn't going to win her back." Please listen to me for once in your life.
"No, but it would make me feel a lot better." His body relaxes, I managed to talk him off the ledge, at least for now.
Kat's gaze meets mine a second before the douchebag's arm lands on her shoulders, her eyes widen in surprise, but she doesn't stop him.
Why doesn't she stop him?413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC8tGwSfoZy
Or yell at him?413Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ70xDho1CkJ
Or hit the fucker?
He steers her to the seat next to Sophie and Luke.
Like she can't fucking find it on her own. She's the smartest girl, fuck probably the smartest person, I know.
"Fuck, dude." I hear Nate's voice beside me, but I can't focus on anything other than the girl who ran away from me.
And I'm just sitting her like the fucking loser who let just let her.
"Still thinking it's a bad idea to kick his ass?" The bastard smirks at me. He's probably just relieved that asshole isn't touching his girl.
I can feel my blood boiling as I look away. I can't take any more torture.
I feel like I'm going to puke or punch something. I need to be anywhere here.
"I'll be in the fucking car." I walk as quickly as possible without drawing attention to myself.
I relax as I slide into the comfortable familiarity of my car. I'm just relieved to be away from the crowd.
Away from her.
"Hello Ben." I hear a familiar voice from behind me.
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