Kat426Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV58eGIiGRl
July 3, 2005
426Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGcjWm2MEa4
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Next day
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I hardly recognize the frail body lying in front of me, I've never seen someone so strong look so weak, so fragile. The monitors beep and groan, straining to provide life. I've never been so grateful for a machine before.
Working up my courage, I walk over to the chair that has been positioned at the head of the bed. I don't want to think about the reason behind that. I don't want to think about who might have moved it there, who else might be suffering.
Right now I want to be selfish, I just want to focus on my own pain. I can't handle anyone else's right now.
I want to focus on what this loss will mean to me, the future we will miss out on.
Backing up to sit, I don't dare look away, for fear I might miss the slightest movement. I nearly miss the chair and land awkwardly on the arm rest. I try not to react, knowing the pain I feel is insignificant compared to the suffering taking place in front of me.
I hear the doctor's voice in my head, on a loop. "There's a 3% chance." Is that all? It's not much more hope than winning the lottery.
I'm only allowed three percent of hope? Is that really all? Three seems so small, so insignificant.
How can I dare to think about a future, a world with the person I love in it with only three percent?
I grab the cold hand lying in front of me, pulling it to my face. It used to hold so much warmth, but now...
I can't even finish that thought. When did life become so hard? I can't imagine the end... I just can't.
As I press a kiss to the lifeless hand, I pray for a miracle. It feels so foreign. I've been so angry for so long, can I really expect God to listen?
It doesn't matter. This isn't for me. Asking for a divine intervention seems as practical as hoping on three percent.
I pray for more time. 426Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd5zHoyF8nW
I pray for hope. 426Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2dHAQx7wyj
I pray for the future. 426Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyVCicwE9Nk
I pray for a wedding and children and happiness in both of our lives. 426Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe2UNHFeugr
I pray that I never know my life without this person who means so much to me.426Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcRw4rGkcW2
I pray for more than three percent.
It's not fair.
Laying my head on the bed, I feel the doubt and fear wash over me. Insecurity consumes me. I can feel the weight of the situation as it settles on my small, insignificant shoulders.
This is it.
This is the end.
ns 15.158.61.48da2
