{Tyler}
I groaned in pain as I became aware of my body, before rolling over, and throwing up onto the cement,
“Gross…” Cameron curled himself inward,
“...What the fuck happened…?” I asked, tugging on my hair,
“You and Preston were really drunk, and since you guys, but mainly you, were both horny as fuck-” I vomited again, this time from disgust, “we had to go sleep a couple blocks down,”
“Agh, gross. Next time don't tell me.” I readjusted my hood,
“Well, you asked, and I told. Besides, even though the sex thing was totally gross, you guys were flirting, and it was hella cute. Not to mention that it only further proves you guys are dating, or queerplatonic.”
“Whatever, Cameron.” I rolled my eyes, though it made my heart flutter slightly,
“Also, you might want to get fully dressed now.”
“Huh?” I looked downward, to find that I was only in boxers and a hoodie, “Oh.” I felt myself shrink in embarrassment, making him laugh at me, before walking off.
I quickly began to clothe myself, but by the time Preston woke up, I was still shirtless,
“What the hell…?” He muttered,
“Uhh…”
“Oh god, oh god, d-did we… y'know?”
“From what I was told, yeah.” I nodded, making him turn bright red, as he rushed to put his clothes back on,
“I'm sorry,”
“For what?” I raised an eyebrow,
“Y'know, that.”
“It wasn't your fault. We were both drunk.” I sighed, glancing over at him, “And either way, I was the one who initiated it… Well, at least that’s what I was told.”
“Oh.” For some reason, he seemed to be relieved. “...This is awkward…”
“Yeah, a little.” I muttered, avoiding his eyes, which were burning into my back,
“How are you feeling?”
“Fine, I guess.” I shrugged,
“You guess?”
“Yeah, I don’t know.”
“Ugh, I have a headache,” He groaned,
“Well, I have some Tylenol in my bag.”
“Why?” Preston gave me a pointed look, and I laughed awkwardly,
“Oops.”
“Tyler…”
“I’m sorry.” I groaned, even though I didn’t feel guilty about it whatsoever, which Preston was able to pick up on,
“No, you aren’t.”
“No, no I’m not.” I sighed,
“I don’t understand why you do this to yourself…” Preston frowned,
“I don’t know any other way to cope.” I muttered, a glazed expression playing on my face,
“I thought writing worked?”
“It used to, but now it’s become ineffective, probably because now it’s a matter of addiction too.”
“Well, do you know how to stop?”
“I know of ways to stop, though I’m not sure how effective they really are… and I’m too scared to start trying.”
“Why? You understand that it’s going to help you feel better.”
“But what if it doesn’t? What if I throw it all away, and then I end up craving it to the extent where I’d rather die than live without it?”
“Then how about I keep them for you.”
“I don’t know, I’ll think about it.” I bit my lip, pulling the Tylenol out of the bag,
“How much do you usually take?”
“Uhh…” I opened it, and handed him a pill, which he swallowed, “1500 milligrams? Maybe 2000 depending on my mood.”
“God, Tyler! That could kill you!”
“No shit,” I rolled my eyes, “But it’s gradual, so it'll take years. And I don't take them everyday.”
“Still…” He grabbed my hand, forcing me to look at him, “You shouldn't feel this way…”
“Well, I'm sorry that I do.” I muttered, not wanting to meet his eyes,
“Tyler-”
“I'm sorry that my brain is so messed up. I'm sorry that I'm messed up.”
“It isn't your fault.”
“But in a way, it is.” I sighed, “I could have kept myself from the cigarette, the drugs, the alcohol, and the self harming the first time I did it, but I didn't.”
“Yeah, but you have mental illnesses,” He said, making me want to flinch, “that makes you more vulnerable than other people are.”
“I don't know,” I shrugged, and looked away, removing my hand from his. Instead of letting me sulk, he came up behind me, and hugged me, making me feel warm inside, “I’m such a fuck up.”
“You aren’t a fuck up.”
“How can you say that after how long you’ve known me, and how many times you’ve seen me fuck up…?”
“Because… I love you.”
“...I love you too, man.” I sighed,
“No... I mean in a little bit more than a platonic.”
“Huh?” I stared at him, my face showing the pure confusion,
“Dude, I have a mesh on you, goddamnit.”
ns 15.158.61.4da2
