The dark stretches out in every direction. The darkness that always has fear and anxiety welling up in the pit of his stomach. It rises through his chest until it’s tight and aching. His lungs burn as he tries not to breathe lest he miss the noise of something lurking around him.
The dullest of lights hums above him. A faint orange glow. It’s as if a heavy sheet of black is draped over it, tainting the light and trying to snuff it out.
There’s no walking toward the light. Just endless stretches of heavy footfalls— to where he almost drags his feet instead of walking. His knees want to buckle at the thought of continuing.
However, being still brings more panic.
It’s an empty void of darkness around him. He can’t see anything. He can’t hear anything. Yet it’s there. An encroaching feeling of being boxed in. As if he’s suffocating in the tiny confines of a space he can’t navigate, to begin with.
Lips part and he tries to call out— to scream for help in this unknown place.
The word— the name— wraps around his tongue and won’t come out. His throat burns and itches from how he tries to force it. Worse yet is feeling as though he’s speaking through a mouthful of goo. Nothing comes out. No words or cries.
Silence.
Dropping to his knees, his hands meet the cold ground he’s worn out with his pacing. Hot tears prickle at the corners of his eyes as he hangs his head. Even if he could call out, he can’t remember the name. It refuses to rise to the surface.
The harder he tries, the more it hurts. The more he wishes he hadn’t gotten a second chance.
What’s the point in living if someone ripped some of your pieces out?
What difference does it make if he can’t even figure out what’s right and wrong in this new world?
Obedience. Play by their rules. Don’t do this. Don’t do that. But never explain further.
Grandiose dreams of playing hero and saving people were never in the plan. He just wants to be in the warm embrace with those he misses— to at least know they’re okay if anything. Yet at the same time, they’ve moved on without him.
Fists slam against the ground as he bends forward, forehead touching the darkness between his hands.
Zye lifts his head but it’s not off the ground. His eyes blink, confused but elated, when he realizes he’s sitting up in bed. His fingers burrow into the sheet over his trembling frame. Having patience for the emotions to slowly sink back down is all he can do.
The blanket is shoved back and his legs swing over the lip of the bed. Dark shorts settle about his knees as he stands up and makes for the door. Sleeping further is pointless. Worse yet when he’s still not used to not having a day-and-night cycle. At least, not a proper one.
Tiles are chilly beneath his feet. They don’t dare get warm no matter how long he stands there, waiting for his thoughts to slow down. Once he’s pushed them away, as good as he can, he slips out of the room he’s been so graciously provided.
The first thing he notices is that Orion is nowhere to be seen. The bed is empty and still neatly made. The curtains aren’t drawn back, telling him Orion can’t be in there either. All that is in the room is the Mark by the door.
A sigh slips from his lips as he heads for it. Leaving the room and the hallway is easier than he thinks. There’s no one around. It’s quiet and barren. Allowing his feet to take him, he ends up before the mirror.
The draw to touch it never truly leaves. He wishes he knew what it was. Being a troublemaker and the one that always wants to ‘touch the button’ was never him. He just wants to get by and do what he needs to.
Yet with this mirror, he always finds his palm flat against the surface before he realizes it.
Warmth floods beneath his palm and relaxes his tense fingers. Staring into the mirror, he sees the person appear behind him before they dare to say anything. Figures he might as well beat them to it— this new person.
“Gonna tell me to be good and go back to my room?”
His hand comes off the mirror and he turns around to give them his full attention. The first thing he notices is the soft pink hair color. Most of their hair is cut short with long bangs dipping down in front of closed eyes.
The outfit they wear is simple. An off-white shirt with a high neck and a handful of buttons down the front. Where that ends, black slacks begin until they reach a pair of matching slip-ons.
Most of all, they wear a petite smile on their countenance as they give a shake of their head. “Not particularly. Your soul was in quite a bit of turmoil when you got here. How are you doing now?”
“Would you be okay if you were stuck with him? Just doing what he tells you and missing more than a year of memory?”
“I suppose you have a point.”
“And I bet you aren’t willing to help me with a favor either.”
“If I could I would. You see—” They go idle for a moment, a look of worry crossing those once serene features. “My apologies, it seems I’m needed. But please, if you ever need me, take the stairs and come find me.”
They’re turning and walking away before Zye can say a word. Gone through a portal, he’s left alone once more. Alone with an offer from someone he doesn’t know. In fact, he knows Orion better at that point.
Regardless, it’s such a nice offer. Much like how Ilista tries to be. Zye glances back at the mirror before returning to his room once more.
He wants to reach out to them and ask for help even though he’s not sure what he’d say. He just feels alone coupled with the nagging sense that he shouldn’t be here. Everything makes him uncomfortable.
The only part that feels right and good is when the weapon is in his hand. It’s only then that he can shake everything else from his mind.
Still…he needs to figure out how he’s going to make it through this. The only true way out sounds like dying, again, and that’s not something he wants to experience a second time.
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34Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ66wn7M6nW8
After returning to his room, Zye tried his best to go back to sleep. It didn’t quite happen nor did it matter. Not when all he’s doing at the moment is watching Orion slice through a Nether and “cleanse” the energy by doing so.
He’s supposed to be helping. He’s supposed to be doing the same thing. Instead, his gaze is wandering constantly.
How can it not? He’s in a place much like his Earth. The people passing this beach look no different than he. Everything else seems familiar as well. The only change is how things seem a bit more…advanced. At least from what he can see at the water’s edge.
Flying cars are the biggest one.
A glance back at Orion and he sees the man steadily working his way through a large plant-like creature. The blue that shimmers throughout its body is no different than what he remembers. A tell-tale sign of a Nether.
He’s sure that Orion could be done in a blink of an eye normally. Instead, it seems like he’s moving slowly. He can’t explain as he fights, but he can demonstrate how he works. It’s something Zye appreciates besides the fact that he doesn’t want to care.
The mind is far too busy dredging through memories. A night sky, the stars speckling away above him, and the chill of the air that brushes his skin. The most prominent memory that resounds is the walks along the pier with his mother. The one that he wants, however, refuses to become clearer.
There’s the warmth of something draped over him. A weight of someone’s head on his chest. One that would normally have him flinching away. Yet this person he knows he’d tug closer. It spawns more feelings that tingle along his fingers and up his arms and then down his spine.
Zye doesn’t realize he’s closed his eyes until he’s forced from the comfortable memory. All he can do is put his hands out in front of him, bracing the fall and saving himself from eating sand. It doesn’t stop the sand from flying up around him as he hits the ground.
If he was paying attention he would have sensed the Nether coming up behind him. He would have felt the black vine with shimmering blue veins before it wrapped tight around his ankle and yanked. In fact, he would have been able to dodge.
At least, he thinks so from where he’s being drug closer to the creature. Zye looks up and, for a moment, panics when he doesn’t see Orion. He kicks and shoves at the ground until he’s on his back. The sand clings and scratches across his exposed midriff until suddenly he’s going up in the air.
Zye doesn’t let that bother him. It gives him a moment of reprieve to focus like Ilista has been teaching him.
Quiet. Breathe. Focus.
The hilt appears in his left hand with the sword materializing a second later. Still, he’s held upside down by one leg as he sways in front of the Nether. There’s no toothy maw or piercing eyes to this large monstrosity.
A bud at the center is surrounded by vines that stretch out along the sand and up into the air. Into the air at him.
Slashing at the ones coming at him, Zye does his best to cut through one and then another on the backswing. That is until one slips by and wraps around his wrist. It squeezes until the force behind it has pain echoing up Zye’s arm to where he drops the sword.
“Damn plant,” he curses as he calls for his weapon in the right hand instead. His mind is flashing with a million ways this can go. The only one he can settle on is slinging the sword down at the creature.
The blade stabs into the center. At least, it would if the countless vines weren’t wrapped around it. Zye lets out a groan as he tries to mentally call out for someone— anyone. The fact that it’s radio silent afterward gives him his answer.
Except he hits the ground in the next second and he’s disoriented.
A trail of long blue hair is all he sees before righting himself. He moves to sit up while dusting some of the sand off. It’s just in time to watch Ilista finish carving through the Nether with several strikes of her spear. It waves and spins about her body as if she’s dancing. The moves don’t seem particularly deadly until the tip is slicing into the cut Zye already made.
The Nether begins to fade into specks that sparkle and shine in the moonlight. They float both up to the sky and down to the sand as they vanish.
She smiles as she turns to him. The butt of her spear ‘thunks’ onto the ground as she leans on it. A small laugh slips from her lips, “That was close. Definitely too early for you to handle a big one like that. Scary, huh?”
The glare he flashes up at her is both towards her and not. It’s so hard to remember that she’s the only one that tries to talk to him. Standing up, he turns away from her. “No, but thanks for the help. Got lost in thought.”
“You know, staying near someone might be a good idea until you’ve run a few more —”
“None of this makes sense anyway.”
“Almost getting killed isn’t going to help you figure things out either. How is dying helping you honor the people you loved and lost?”
She’s not wrong and he knows it. He doesn’t understand why he’s special and chosen for this— why any of them are at that rate. Orion offers him no answers. The uneasy feelings aren’t helping. More specifically, the one that begs him to step beyond what he sees and find someone he can’t even remember.
It’s killing him.
And he can’t find those answers if he lets some thing take him out.
Zye turns back to her, intending to thank her again with more sincerity. Except when he’s about to open his mouth to speak, someone else beats him to it.
“What do you think you’re doing?”
Shoulders deflate and he keeps his eyes off to the side. He doesn’t want to acknowledge let alone look at Orion as he storms up to them.
“I told you to follow and pay attention. How many times do I have to tell you? You’re not ready. You can’t even make it back to Noctis on your own.”
He bites into the inside of his cheek. Zye wants nothing more than to let loose, explode on the smaller man with ease and leave nothing left unsaid. Even the more horrible things.
Instead, he huffs at him, “Just let me go back.”
“Make sure you cleanse when you do.”
He’s not sure why he half-turns back. He’s not sure why the words tumble from his lips or why he looks Orion right in the eye when he says them. All he knows is it has Orion frowning to hear it.
“I’ll figure this out and when I do you better hope you’re not the one fucking with me.”
Orion calls forth the portal and Zye is quickly stepping through. Except doing so allows Ilista to grab at Orion’s shoulder, stopping him. She knows he won’t dare look at her. He rarely meets her eyes aside from meetings. This is nothing new.
She gives a squeeze to his shoulder. “Why don’t you just tell him he can quit? It’s obvious he doesn’t want this. Or that something is wrong…shouldn’t we try helping him with his memory problems?”
“It’s fine, don’t worry yourself,” he begins as he brushes her hand off his shoulder. “Zye is my charge, not yours.”
He’s moving for the portal and barely stops when her words cut through him like a knife.
Ilista glares at his back with fingers tight around her spear. “That’s fresh coming from you, considering you hate dealing mortals. But sure, whatever you say.”
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34Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmrr8MQovqB
Not being able to tell how the days come and go make Zye all the more stir-crazy. It’s disorienting and hard to keep track of. Orion has reassured him countless times that it’s simple; wake up, work, cleanse, and repeat until he’s too tired and needs sleep.
There are so many restrictions and rules to follow. Yet at the same time, some questions are given the vaguest of answers. All the while Zye struggles to push his memories to return. Each night the fuzzy images tug and poke at his mind, eager for him to remember as well.
It certainly doesn’t help that he’s not getting along with Orion as well as he could. There’s just something about him that rubs Zye the wrong way. Perhaps it’s the lack of communication. Or maybe it’s just because his own anger is clouding his judgment.
Again.
Zye tugs an orange t-shirt over his head. It’s longer than what he usually prefers aside from at bedtime. It dips down past the waistband of his sweatpants, they’re a must-have with how cold he seems to get sometimes. It unnerves him, but once again he’s told he’ll adapt.
He shouldn’t get cold or hot like a normal human would. Yet he hates the feeling of the tile beneath his feet. Thus he wears a pair of slip-on shoes as he moves about the room.
It’s begun to feel a bit more comfortable. As promised, Orion, however it works, got another room put in to make him a bathroom. By the power of the cosmos, he says. Although it’s really just a shower, tub, and a full-length mirror.
A light blue rug sits beside the bed for when he gets out of it. As well as a dresser a few steps away that he’s put all of the clothes in. The Mark is always more than happy to bring him more should he request them.
The little things are what make it easier.
Zye glances at the necklace he left on the dresser before moving for the door. A walk around this place prior to trying to sleep usually does the trip. There’s a part of him that hopes to run into that person again or maybe he should take their offer and go up to the room.
He glances at the empty bed in Orion’s part of the room. When he sleeps, Zye never knows. Orion is always gone by the time he settles down for the night— day?
He hates this place sometimes.
The chamber behind him, Zye starts for the staircase next. His feet want to take him to Ilista’s hall and then to her room. The ache of wanting companionship is getting stronger lately. She’s the only one that tries to talk to him about him.
It makes him want to trust her. And how he truly does want to.
Zye gets to the mouth of her hallway when he sees it. A figure with long hair is striding toward the dead end. The wall is overshadowed by the portal they call forth. He steps forward, watching as hair, purple fading into a soft pink, sways back and forth before vanishing into the portal.
He knows he shouldn’t. Yet, he wouldn’t be Zye if he didn’t pick up speed. Shoes slap against the tile as he sprints for the portal— just making it through before it clamps shut behind him.
Stumbling to a halt on the other side, he looks around the dreary concrete room. The only thing inside of it is a few cots and a bare bulb hanging from the ceiling. It’s ominous and yet he doesn’t flinch away when she turns to him.
Violet eyes meet his and he realizes he doesn’t have any good excuse for following the petite woman before him. She raises a brow at him, “And who are you?”
“Uh…My name’s Zye. I, well, you see what happened was—”
“Oh! You’re the one Ili has told me all about.” She holds a hand out to him. “I’m Yue.”
He grasps her hand, a bit taken aback by the bright smile that seems to even light up her eyes. Zye is even more surprised by the strong grip he gets from her as they shake hands. Returning his hand to his pocket, he asks, “Ili?”
“Ilista, silly. Although…I guess she wouldn’t have thought to tell you to call her that. That’s what I’ve called her forever, it’s just a habit. Now, why did you follow me? This isn’t a place you should be, you know? It’s kind of…well…ugly.”
“Sorry, I was just curious.”
Yue leans forward, looking up at him with those big, beautiful eyes of hers. “You’re a bad liar.”
“Okay fine, I wasn’t thinking I was just…”
Running…always running away from what he has to face. Even without his memories, he knows he was doing it up until the last day he was alive. Finding little places to hide away mentally or emotionally and not think about what was crushing him inside.
The fear has never left.
“I’m looking for someone is all. I might not remember much about them, though.”
“Hmm…that is a problem. I think for now you should go back.”
“I can’t go back. I actually don’t know how. I can’t even get to where I want to go.” He watches her straighten up and settle small hands on her hips where the dark purple dress begins to fan out. “Would you help me get there?”
Yue immediately shakes her head. It sends bangs fluttering from side to side over furrowed brows. “Oh, no, no, no. I can’t do that. Orion isn’t gentle to rule breakers and I’m sure he’s got you on a tight leash, hm?”
Zye drags a hand up over his face and turns around. The light on his back is comfortable despite the sigh that drags out over bitten lips. The frustration is welling up again. No one wants to bend. He knows rules are there for a reason.
But he also knows Ilista more than likely won’t help him. As much as he wants to focus on this forgotten man and woman in his dreams, no one will humor him in an attempt to find him. But if he wanted to see Daichi? He could probably do that as easily as he can with Xerxes. Both are such bold streaks across the canvas that is his memory.
The thought of that man has a shiver racing up his spine and making his shoulders roll it off. Maybe not Daichi after all.
“Sorry, I get it. If you just open a portal back to Noctis, I’ll go.”
Yue moves up behind him. As much as she wants to reach out, she keeps her hands to herself. She doesn’t call forth a portal either.
“You know, I didn’t like how things were when I first became a Star. It’s not easy to adjust to and it can be quite lonely at first. All these other people have known each other, and the system, for years— centuries. And there I was, the new girl that no one looked twice at. Just another Star.”
“And it got better?”
“Oh goodness, definitely not right away. It was horrible and I hated every second most of the time. Especially fighting! Definitely not my thing. I swear to this day I should have been chosen as a Dark Star, less fighting and more cleansing.”
Zye half-turns back to her. The confused look on his face has her giggling softly.
“Sorry, sorry. But it did get better. I met the most amazing man ever. It’s come with some stipulations. He’s a Dark Star and with the rebel faction stirring up trouble, it’s put him in the line of fire sometimes.”
“What? There’s infighting?”
“I doubt anyone would tell you much in the beginning. You’re supposed to be training and honing your soul. Nothing more, nothing less.”
“Go back to that. Is anyone doing anything? Can’t you ask for help from one of them? I mean, you’re friends with Ilista, right?”
“Oh…no…You see, even if Ilista could help me, and she can, she doesn’t have permission from the higher-ups. And I don’t think Orion wants to move into action just yet. But it’s alright because we love each other dearly and we’ll always find our way back to one another. I trust he’ll keep himself safe and I’ll do the same.”
“That’s a little…”
“Naive? Romantic?” She lets out a soft laugh— both light and melancholic at the same time. “Maybe, but it helps me sleep. Try not worrying too much. Whatever you’ve forgotten will come back to you. Just give it time, it’s still in there.”
“How can you be so sure?”
Yue rocks from heel to toe, heel to toe, again and again. “Ili talks a lot about you. Now come on, let’s get you back before someone throws a fit.”
“Thanks, Yue.”
“You’re welcome.” She calls forth a portal and steps back toward it. “And remember, love doesn’t break that easy. It’ll be okay. Even if one of you is gone, love doesn’t just go away or stop existing.”
“I didn’t say anything about—”
“You didn’t have to. It’s written all over your face.”
Swiveling around, the dress blossoms out like a blooming flower around her. He’s transfixed as he follows after her. Yue is a vibrant little light among the bleakness that his world has become. The shreds of hope she’s pushed back into his hands encourage him.
Maybe he can do as she has. Maybe he should let go a little. Just because things are different and gone doesn’t mean he can’t find some reason to be happy about this second chance. Even if it still feels like this chance is a bowl of soured grapes and exhaustion from the fighting he knows he’ll have to do every day.
He steps back into Noctis, right at the mouth of Ilista’s hallway, as Vespera is passing by. The other girl, Iris as he recalls, is right on her heels. At least, until Vespera stops dead in her tracks when she sees him by Yue’s side.
“Where have you been? Aren’t you supposed to only leave with Orion and return with him?”
“I was with a friend.”
Vespera steps a bit closer to him. Arms cross over her chest as she stares up at him. It’s not quite a glare, but it’s heated nonetheless. “You’re useless if you go out alone, remember that. You’re not ready and we all know it.” She glances at Yue. “At least she brought you back, you should consider yourself lucky.”
“What do you even care? You’re not the one I’m assigned to.”
“If you go missing, Orion will have all of us on high alert to find you due to the fact that you could wind up dead somewhere.”
Iris moves around Vespera in an attempt to usher her along. Anything to keep things from escalating. “We should hurry, right, Vespera?”
“Right. Remember, you’re a liability if you can’t hold your own. Don’t go making trouble for the rest of us.”
The sharp tone should have him feeling happy someone cares enough to look out for him— to tell him the obvious. Instead, it has his blood rising. If it wasn’t for Yue touching his arm he’d probably snap back at her with a rather ugly retort. Instead, he glances down at her hand.
“Don’t listen to her. She shows how she cares differently than Ili. That’s her way of saying, be careful.” Retracting her hand, she smiles up at him. “Now, remember, if it gets to be too much and you really can’t handle this you need to tell Orion. Got it?”
“Yeah, sure.”
“And no worries. I won’t say a word of this to him.”
“But I’m guessing you’ll tell Ilista.”
“Hmm…You could buy my silence. So let’s just say you owe me one, okay?”
“Sounds good.”
He gives a small flick of his wrist at her before returning to whence he came. Orion’s hallway feels longer to walk down than it did to leave. The handle is heavier to turn and the door feels like moving cinder blocks. The dread of knowing he can’t force things the way he wants them weighs on him.
Zye isn’t shocked to not see Orion anywhere. Silence and emptiness. All save for the Mark that hurries alongside him as he makes for his room. In fact, the Mark gets ahead of him and blocks the entrance. It looks up at him, refusing to move.
“Seriously?”
Touching its head, he intends to guide it gently out of the way. Except doing so has a small glow coming forth from the hands it holds to its chest. It dies down to reveal a small book in its grip. A book that it holds up to Zye— proudly if he pretends it has some emotion in it.
Zye takes it and nods down to the Mark. “Thank you…I guess?”
The Mark scurries back to its place by the door. It leaves Zye to hurry into his room and watch as the light flares to life on the ceiling in his presence. Doing so, it draws his attention to the book. A small leather-bound thing with a magnetic clasp. Undoing it and flipping through reveals only blank pages and a pen holstered to the spine.
A journal.
“Maybe keep a dream journal and write them down.”
The deep voice echoes in the recesses of his mind until that’s all there is. A bassy rumble that makes his chest feel light and full of breath. It’s also a voice that has him wishing he could hear more— hear it again— while also wanting to collapse to his knees.
He replays the sound over and over, clinging onto this piece he’s been granted. He doesn’t want to forget it again— never again.
If anything, he knows the first thing he wants to write down. One of the many little fragments he’ll keep as small scribbles on a page lest he forgets it again.
ns 18.68.41.166da2
