Returning to the cabin, Jace isn’t surprised to see the structure shrouded in shadows. The only light to pierce the darkness of the night is a lamp hanging from the entrance. The candle inside gives little help to light the way with how it’s almost burnt down completely.
“So…this is it? Do I get a tour?”
“In the morning, sure.”
Jace steps forward, finally letting go of Zye, and opens the door. Already, Zye can see the barest of lights coming from inside. He steps into the residence and instantly he’s greeted by candles set up on a long, thin table.
It’s pushed further out away from the couch to allow Callua to sit on the thick rug beneath it. At the sight of him, she shimmies from the floor to the couch. “Hey, welcome back you two. Go okay?”
Zye ambles over and plops onto the cushion next to her. “Great actually. All better. Aster will come out to help us train, too.”
Callua raises a brow at that. “Him? I was expecting Ilista.”
Jace idles at the threshold. “We all were. Orion wants tabs on us, which is understandable.”
“Is not,” counters Callua.
“I’m going down to the lake. If I put a blessing on it now then it can activate as the sun comes up.”
They both watch him leave and the door swing shut behind him. Turning to one another, Zye tries to resist the question burning in his brain.
“What is it?” she asks.
“Is that…good for him to do? That’s a lot more water than a tub.”
“He’s probably only doing it on a select area. But…yeah. He’ll be tired. So if anything, I’m glad it worked and you remember everything now. Maybe he’ll calm down.”
“Yeah. Me too.”
“I was really worried for a bit there. If you didn’t remember him, I think I was going to have to beat it back into you.” She says with a smile on her face.
“Hey! You know it wouldn’t have mattered. I still like him, memories or not.”
Callua shakes her head. “It does matter to him. You’ve both been sad and lonely. I had to make sure he didn’t keel over through all of this. So…just talk okay?”
“I promise I will.”
“And you’ll not start that crap again and lean on us like you started to right?”
“I’m working on it. I know what being happy feels like and I want it back. You’ll help me right?”
“There ya go!” Callua slaps him on the shoulder to the point where he winces.
“Hey, watch it. That actually hurt. You really don’t know your own strength.”
Callua leans forward, bracing her arms against her knees. “I’ll let you two have some time for a bit. Just be gentle, okay? He’s been pretty hard on himself about everything.”
“He wouldn’t listen to you, huh?”
She laughs while standing, brushing her hands over her skirt to smooth it out. “He’s a tough nut to crack. Workaholic to bury feelings he can’t deal with. He’s the one we should be careful with.”
“Considering he almost punched Orion, probably.”
“Now that I’m sad I missed.” She turns to him with a smile. “I’ll be back so I can interrupt whenever. So more talking, less touching. Got it?”
“I’m not a teenager. I can keep it in my pants, Cal.”
“I know, I just can’t help but tease you now that I have you back.”
She dips forward and is ecstatic when he initiates the hug. He holds onto her so tightly, a brief squeeze that he wishes he could prolong. He’s missed her so much and doesn’t want to ever lose her again. To the point where he’s sad that she pulls away. But not before leaving a kiss on his forehead.
“I’ll be back soon. Might even bring you back something special to eat.”
“We don’t need to.”
“It’s because we still can, stupid. Comfort food.”
“Thanks…Hey, Cal?”
She proceeds around the table and calls forth a portal. The swirling energy has his attention before he shifts to meet her eyes.
“Be safe…okay?”
“Promise.”
Left alone in the chill of the room and the scarce lighting of the candles. Zye slinks off the couch and onto the rug. He can see the notes she’s left on the table. When the front door opens, the wind races through.
Zye grabs for the papers on the table save for one. It’s kicked up and whisked beneath the table. He scoots around to the side of the table and reaches under, retrieving it just as Jace shuts the door.
“Where’d Cal go?”
“Uh, needed to do something. Said she’d be back later.”
“Mm…alright. I wish she wouldn’t do things on her own. It’s too dangerous.”
“Like you’re one to talk.”
Even with the lighthearted tone, he’s hoping Jace realizes what he means. That he knows he’s put himself out there too much. More than he should and more often than not, alone. He recalls Callua’s concern and she’s not wrong in it either.
Zye is painfully aware that he doesn’t know what they’ve been through. Even if he considers only the time they’ve been separated. It’s as if there are entire swaths of their lives that he hasn’t been privy to— can’t shoulder with them.
Jace strides closer, kneeling in front of Zye on the rug. “Tomorrow, if you’d like, I can show you Hax’s logs as well as where your things are. I had to make sure they’d be preserved well…at least until you can get to Solis and have your own room.”
“By the way, do the stars even have their own rooms? I never got to go down to see what it was like in Noctis.”
“They do. I have some extra clothes for you as well so you can sleep more comfortably.”
“You know it’s no big deal. I can sleep in just about anything.”
“Or nothing and you shouldn’t. It gets cold here even to us.”
It’s quiet between them until Zye dares to look up. “You know, Jay…you can tell me anything. You don’t have to shoulder it alone. You were always there for me. Will you let me do it for you?”
Jace takes a moment. It has nothing to do with not being able to talk to this man. He wants to spill his guts and lay it all out on the table. All of his worries and fears he wants to place at Zye’s feet and ask for help.
It’s easier said than done. Still…he trusts him.
“I don’t like having to do what I’ve done. Taking out those like us. The only solace is that they’re freed from whatever they’ve been put through, just like the Nether. But I can understand how it looks and that others might feel differently.”
Zye can read between the lines. He huffs at that. “Stupid, don’t worry about those other people. You’re too hard on yourself for trying to do the right things.”
“But—”
“No buts. I’m not a child. I know the world isn’t black or white. You have a good reason for what you’ve done even if it wasn’t easy. You’re a good person, Jace, I know you are. It’s not even really …killing. They’re too far gone, right? And you don’t enjoy it so I’m not really worried.”
“You’re being too…It’s still having to look at someone and return them to the cycle so they can be reborn again. My mother would be ashamed.”
He leaves it there. For what, there are many things. Jace knows well his mother was a fire starter. She wouldn’t take anything lying down. If there was a problem, she’d be the one running headfirst in to fix it. Not being towed along like he has been.
Zye wiggles forward until their knees touch. His hand reaches out for Jace’s, which rests on his thigh. The very thing that flinches from him. Zye doesn’t mind, he persists until he grabs it and curls his fingers around the warm hand.
“I think she’d be proud. You can’t save everyone or everything and I bet you’ve been dragging as many out of it. Even if it meant putting yourself in danger. Besides…if I lost control like that? I’d hope someone would save me from that hell, too.”
Jace shakes his head. He pulls away entirely and stands up. It’s too soft, too much understanding, and trying to cushion the blow. He knows Zye isn’t trying to diminish his pain or make it seem like it’s not a big deal. He’s simply afraid to let himself feel different about it.
“That doesn’t make it any better. But…I know it’s what I should do. I…I really am selfish. Maybe I should have just left, gone my own way, and figured things out.”
Zye follows. He stares at Jace, trying so hard to get those eyes to meet his. “I already tried that and you saw where it got me.” Zye gestures wide. “You’re going to tell me you weren’t doing this for the good of people? That you agreed with what the Surge has been doing?”
A sigh hangs off of Zye’s lips. He squeezes the hand in his. “I thought I knew better once, too. Screamed and cursed at Kass so I could do what I thought was best instead of talking to her. I hurt myself more than her because I thought I could do it all on my own.
“I didn’t have the best plan no matter how I tried to lie to myself. Instead, I should have relied on people. Don’t do that. You had Hax and Callua. Let me be one of those people for you now if nothing else. Talk to me and don’t run away. It’s okay to be afraid.”
Jace lowers his gaze to the hands clinging to his. Slowly, he peels away so that he can stand. Even then he avoids Zye’s face. It has the latter slowly standing as well.
“Aren’t you tired? Let me be a safe place to fall. Come on, Jay. You’re too nice for this, too. Did whatever you could to save as many as you could, right? Tell me I’m wrong.”
“How would you know?”
“Because I think I know you.”
“I’m not a hero. I don’t think I deserve any of the power I’ve been given. I’ve been trying for centuries to make up for all my failures.”
Zye steps forward only for Jace to step back. It’s a new side that he’s not seen. The vulnerability and sadness coming off of Jace is palpable. If anyone should be afraid of shattering upon being touched, it’s him. Not Zye.
“You wouldn’t have it and be a part of this if that was the case.”
“That was Hax’s doing. He’s the only that pushed for me to have a higher status. I let my people— my family— down. My sister died in front of me and I couldn’t do anything. Everything I’ve done ends up hurting someone. Even you died because I made the wrong choice.”
Marching forward, Zye grabs the front of Jace’s shirt and yanks him close. One fell swoop and he has his arms around the man’s waist. Holding him tight, Zye keeps his voice as even as he can.
He wishes he had known about all of this pain Jace has kept locked inside.
“I’m still alive and I’m right here. I don’t care how low you go, I’m going to follow and help you rise back out of it.” Zye can feel the slight tremble to Jace’s shoulders. It only makes his grip tighten. “You got pulled into this shit-fest, too. Somehow, you’ve managed to get as much out of it as you have. And I got to meet you.”
Jace scoffs against Zye’s shoulder. “Lot good that did you. All the trouble I’ve caused you…”
“It’s worth it to me. Besides the one that caused me the most was Hax anyway. Has everything you’ve done been worth keeping all these souls safe? Being friends with Cal or Shae? Was I worth it?”
Fingers are gripping Zye’s shirt. Fingers that quiver as the tears begin to form at the corners of Jace’s eyes.
“I don’t care what picture you want to paint of yourself. I know there’s nothing for you by chasing after me. Helping all those people, maybe. Yet here you are, always running to be next to me. So let me stay by your side from now on.”
A chuckle slips from Zye’s lips. “Not that I can promise to be anything perfect for you. I’ve got my own hiccups to deal with. So I won’t force you to talk, but I’m here okay?”
Jace, for the first time since Zye died, can feel his chest tighten. It’s a familiar ache. The ache of wanting to gasp for air as a sob lodges into his throat. The pain of not being able to breathe as he stands there broken into pieces.
He’s a mess dressed up as a man. All of the burying he’s done to keep himself together through this and it only takes Zye mere moments to have him coming undone.
Yet, Zye still wants him. He wants to stay by Jace’s side no matter what and it’s that, that has Jace choking up. After all the times he felt that he’s let people down and all the things he’s done for the sake of good, there’s still this man next to him.
If it wasn’t for him, Shae, and Callua, he’s not sure what would have happened to himself.
Zye isn’t surprised when Jace’s arms finally encircle his waist. The embrace is a vice grip. He holds Zye terribly close, afraid he’ll slip away if he doesn’t. The wetness on Zye’s neck doesn’t rouse him either. Instead, he brushes a hand down Jace’s back.
Letting him cry, Zye doesn’t dare move a muscle that would signal to let go. He rubs small circles against Jace’s back.
“I’m probably not the best advocate, but give yourself a break. I’m here now so you can lean on me, too. We might not be very good at it on our own but maybe we can manage together. Besides, we still have Cal. And now everyone else.”
When Jace goes to pull away and turn, Zye stops him. Zye wipes away the tears with careful swipes of his thumb. Jace can only hold onto Zye’s hips in the meantime. It kills Zye to see it. He never wants to see someone he cares about in tears.
His eyes are directed to the floor. Something that seems so far down for someone that feels an inch tall. “Zye,” he starts, “thank you.”
Meeting Zye brightened his dreary world. A world that immediately fell into the pitch of night as he scurried to fix things, to preserve safety and the one person he loves. And now…now the sun is peeking back out from around the clouds.
It feels like he can breathe again.
What he doesn’t realize is that to Zye, he’s the real sun. So brilliant and wonderful. The fact that it’s been hidden from him for so long has been agonizing. And then to see that very sun afraid to rise for the next day? There’s no way he’ll stand by and let that happen.
“I want to…” He lets the thought fade off while steadying himself. Looking into Zye’s eyes, he smiles. “I think you’re the first one I want to tell what happened— all of it. Even after all this time, not even Callua knows.”
Zye leans in close and touches his forehead to Jace’s. “I’d be honored.”
Jace is the one that retreats first. He steps back and slips a hand down to hold Zye’s. Guiding him further into the small cabin, he leads Zye to the bedroom. All the way Jace keeps a ball of flame in his other hand to light the way. It bobs and hovers with each step.
“I actually had a big family. My mother and father were happily married. I was the oldest with four younger sisters. They were annoying sometimes. But I wouldn’t have had it any different.”
He nudges the bedroom door open. Jace lets go of Zye’s hand and steps away. It takes a moment to cross the room and open the curtain, letting the barest rays of moonlight spill in to light the space. A cold light that still manages to soothe the fear of the dark away from Zye. Clenching his fist, the flame extinguishes.
“My mother was one of the strongest warriors our people had seen in a long time. I wanted to be a Mystic like her and I devoted all of my life training to fill her shoes— to carry her dreams and her honor and her element. To fill the spot she had to step down from.”
To Zye, he has a distant memory flickering under the surface. The village of people and the woman who fought so valiantly against the Nether. A woman with the same tattoos under her eyes.
Moving for the bed, Zye meets Jace at the edge. It’s a slow set of motions. Zye’s fingers linger on the hem of his top as Jace pushes the jacket from his shoulders to drape over a nearby chair. While he shifts the comforter back, Zye tugs the shirt up over his head.
He climbs up on the bed the second Jace steps out of the way. Zye pushes a pillow against the wooden headboard and leans against it. The best part is when Jace sits beside him, slowly slinking down the bed so that he’s leaning his head against the headboard. Zye slips his arm behind the pillow Jace uses, not minding that it has Zye moving near to him.
All the while, Zye listens.
“Even there, our enemies were the Nether. Living on an island gave us little to do other than fight back. It was back and forth until they came at us in full force. That day I lost my mother and three of my sisters. It was a massacre.”
Zye tugs at the knot in the bandanna until he can toss it over to land on the jacket. Once he has, he combs his fingers through Jace’s hair. He watches closely how Jace’s fists clench and unclench as he speaks. Therefore he does all he can to try and soothe him.
“My father was distraught. He mourned in silence while taking care of my youngest sister. Still, he was the one there for me when my partner was taken from me next. I wasn’t strong enough to save him. Too foolish in thinking I could handle more than I was capable of.
“To top it off, our supplies were dwindling as our paths to the other parts of the island were cut off. The villages at each cardinal point hadn’t gotten back to us in days. We couldn’t be sure that they weren’t attacked as well.”
Finally, Jace reaches over and clasps a hand to Zye’s free one. His fingers lace between each of Zye’s until he can comfortably squeeze it. The motion is returned as he closes his eyes.
It’s for a brief moment.
Jace can still see it all. The memories are burned into his mind no matter how hard he pushes them down and refuses to acknowledge them. The images, sounds, and smells make him feel like he’s right back there.
He never thought he’d dredge his memories to pull these forward ever again.
“The next time a big attack happened, my father stayed behind with the last group of Mystics. They’d hold them off while I took my sister and the rest of the survivors to another part of the island. A fool’s hope. We should have tried to finish the boat and escape while we had the chance. Our elders were foolish in thinking there was a chance at victory.”
Jace grows quiet. Zye isn’t sure if he should speak up. Asking any questions feels wrong. Urging him to go further even worse. He wishes he could take all of that pain and help Jace carry it. It sounds…terrible.
Leaning over, Jace lets his head lay against Zye’s side. His thumb brushes over Zye’s again and again as he draws forth the rest of it. He hates to relive it, especially knowing what that Nether, Lucile, spoke of. It gives everything an entirely different meaning.
“The one I went to was worse off. No survivors at the coast and nowhere to escape to. Not with the forest at our back. The Nether caught up to us. There were so many…I didn’t know what to do.”
Jace swallows hard and pinches his eyes shut.
“One of them took my sister while I was trying to fight. I didn’t think twice. I chose to try and save her over everyone else. Once I snatched her from it, I ran until I couldn’t.”
Neither of them notices the quiet footsteps, nearly silent, that tap down the dark hall. The presence goes unnoticed. At least, Jace doesn’t say a word about it. He wants her to know. For just outside the room is Callua, listening in with a heavy heart.
Her nor Zye had no idea it was that bad. They both can see why Jace is so deeply conflicted every time he’s had to make decisions. Duty over someone he loves? It’s the very thing that’s torn him apart at each opportunity.
“I think…I think Terra was gone before the Nether showed back up. It chased me down, killing me to try and get to her. Looking back, if Lucile is right…that very well would have been my mother. No other Nether acted like that towards us. The way it held Terra was just like she would.
“Hax is the one that showed up to take it out. As well as all the others on the island. At least, that’s what he told me he tried to do. I’ll never forget it. The way it looked at me.”
Zye gives a hum at that. “But Hax cleansed her, right?”
“Yes. I learned recently it was a location he had his eyes on. I’ll let you read through his notes tomorrow.”
“I’m sorry, Jace. I’m sorry you had to go through that.”
“If anything I should be thanking you and Callua. Shae, too. I might have lost myself if I hadn’t met all of you. You all saved me, you don’t even realize it. I was getting so close to wanting to quit and tell Charm I can’t do it anymore.”
Jace chuckles softly.
“But Callua begged me to go with her. Said it would do me some good to take a break from the fighting. She would only be a minute and I didn’t have to engage if I didn’t want to. Yet…there you were.”
He sits up and tilts his head, lips dusting over Zye’s jaw without meaning to. It has Zye wishing he did. The thought alone has Zye tugging away from Jace and sliding down onto the bed. His head hits the pillow while his hands pat the mattress. A large smile on his face and hair sprawled out across the pillow.
“Come on, you said it yourself that we have a long road ahead. Rest.”
Jace raises an eyebrow at this. Yet, he can’t argue back. He smiles and begins to follow suit. He lies there beside Zye. He scoots over while rolling onto his side, allowing him to reach for Zye’s hand. Bringing it up, he kisses Zye’s knuckles.
A dusting of red colors Zye’s cheeks. He tries to change the subject, hoping Jace doesn’t notice. But also hoping he does. “Thank you, for telling me.”
“I wish I had sooner.” Jace leans even closer, his lips so close to Zye’s. “I wanted to tell you everything so long ago. Everything about this, about me, and how much I care about you.”
“You always told me plenty.”
“No, I should have said it more. That I love you.”
There are thumps down the hallway outside the bedroom that has Zye freezing up— both from the admission and the interruption. He flinches away from Jace as Callua appears in the doorway. Not wanting to get caught in a compromising position again.
“Good news! Adrian said he’d help us if we need another place to stash Sigil until...” She flashes a crafty little smile that has Jace shooting her a glare. “Oh, did I interrupt anything?”
“No!”
Zye’s quick answer has Callua clapping her hands together. “Ah, good. I was just thinking it’s about time we got some sleep.”
Jace can only sigh and wait for the impact. Callua is quick with getting her boots off. But not quick enough to where her pantyhose will make her slip across the hardwood floor.
She unceremoniously hops up and crawls onto the bed, not daring to let them be together without her right now. Jace is swift in tugging Zye between them. Something that Callua doesn’t let go unnoticed.
“Aw, you don’t want to cuddle with me? I thought we were friends, Jay. Or do you just like him more than me?”
Zye laughs and rolls onto his back. “You know you’re probably his best friend—”
“Only friend aside from you and Gray,” corrects Callua.
“And if you aren’t careful you won’t even be that. Now go to sleep.”
Callua yanks the comforter up and over them. Snuggling in close to Zye, she sticks her tongue out at Jace. “You’re just mad I interrupted and you didn’t get to kiss him, hm?”
“If you know what you did, be quiet and go to sleep.”
“It’s not like you haven’t done it before. Are you really that shy? It’s just me you know. See? It’s easy.”
To make her point she leans over and pecks Zye’s cheek. She can’t help but giggle at the irked look Jace gives her. He doesn’t plan to play into her teasing or the game she’s playing. She’s trying to lighten the mood if nothing else. For that, he’s eternally grateful.
Zye’s gaze slips from Callua’s urging nod. He can’t believe he’s doing it even as he rolls over. Fingers caress the side of Jace’s jaw as he dips his head forward. Lips dust over Jace’s in a whisper of a kiss. It’s as gentle as a breeze yet still as blinding as the afternoon sun.
Stunned is an understatement. Jace doesn’t have any time to react before Zye is rolling back over. His back is to Jace while mumbling, “Good night.”
Callua winks at Jace before laying down. “See, wasn’t so hard, right? Haaa…I’m so tired. Love you two. Good night!”
Jace can only lay there. His head is reeling and his chest is tight. Thoughts are spiraling down to one point. Even then it crashes and burns into a blazing inferno of one fact — he loves Zye. He loves them both so much that he’ll do anything to keep them safe.
No one is taking them from him. Never again will he make the wrong choice and lose someone he cares for. At least, he'll do everything he can not to.
ns 15.158.61.55da2
