Before anyone says anything on how the following opinion "isn't unpopular"...shut up and sit down. From where I'm standing, it seems like some people haven't gotten the message. I have had exactly one girlfriend in my life, and the six years we were together were some of the best years of my life...but then she decided to go behind my back because of a stupid reason and cause drama. Sure, it might not have been a big thing she did, but from where I'm standing, it was and I just keep seeing people ruin their own lives and others just for the sake of cheating.
So...a brief story about what happened. While we were still dating, I joined a little chat in college and brought her on as well. We quickly made friends with most of them, and she and I had been dating for that six years by now. Since I was in college (took me 5 years total since I changed my major) I didn't have a ton of time to spend with her, but made the most of what I could while she was doing practically nothing (around 2 years older than me). One person in the group suggests we get together for Halloween and watch a movie on the side of my ex's barn on the property her family has. Nothing seemed off, but I had to miss the movie because I had something important the next morning.
The next day, having Sunday lunch with family, she calls me crying to say that she loves me but she's not in love with me anymore. We break it off nicely and I let my heart break and take a step back from the group. When I come back, we're still friends and still chat. Then, one evening, she calls me crying and saying that she messed up. I gave in to a kinder part of myself, I didn't pry and comforted her. A while later, we had a bit of a falling out while gaming, I said something I shouldn't have while her and her new boyfriend were lording it over me as if I was cold and unfeeling.
After I left the group for another time and the girl who started it reaches out to me and asks if I'm okay. I tell that I don't know and she gives me a shoulder to cry on as I explain what happened. Afterwards, she says that there's something I need to know and sends me to another close friend who I don't deserve. I ask if there's something people are saying about me behind my back, and when he says 'no' I push him and say that I need to know. That night we were supposed to hang out and watch a movie, she had tried to kiss said friend who rejected her as she was still my girlfriend at the time.
She dumped me to chase him, and when he wasn't playing ball and the friend who reached out to me mentioned 'bro code' to not get with a friend's ex, she started chasing said friend’s brother who also rejected her. There was more drama behind the scenes and, as that chat had become a club that I was president of, me and the girl decided to remove her from the group when I got back from vacation.
My ex sends me a message...no...an ESSAY telling me how terrible of a boyfriend I was and how I shouldn't have taken the week that I did off because her feelings her hurt by what I said. She didn't know that I knew and still doesn't but still believes she's the victim. I banned her that night and had to deal with her new bf when I got back who left before I could drop the hammer. Her act of cheating wasn't big, but the series of events that followed have stuck with me and have made me especially despise people who cheat.
Now that that slightly familiar life story has come to an end, what's this about me seeing people not value loyalty in relationships. I have seen it time and time again where someone will "have a little fun" and not pay the price for the pain they caused. I've seen it not only with affairs, but casual relationships and the forever stupid "open relationship."
People who ask for an open relationship just want to cheat but without it being truly cheating, but the emotional damage is still there. Open relationships test the strength of the relationship, but more often ends up ending it with the person who suggested it now unhappy with what they lost and the "loser" in the relationship getting someone who truly loves and respects them. It doesn't happen all the time, but it happens enough with people who don't understand what loyalty means.
Now...with affairs...it's always looked at as such a horrible thing...by the people who profit the least. I recently saw a story where the man's best friend stole his wife and daughter and the daughter was going to make her bio dad share walking her down the aisle at her wedding with the betrayer. He was rightly pissed as he was paying for the full wedding (she popped it on him the day before). Her mother didn't see the pain he was in and thought he was horrible for cutting all of them out of his life, and his daughter thought the same. He got back at her in her inheritance, giving her something that will never let the feelings fade. Things went down this path all because his wife refused to remain faithful and betrayed him for a close friend...lives ruined.
Listen, I might sound cold and closed-minded, but I understand that you risk an incredible amount when you enter into a relationship. You are giving someone the most delicate part of who you are and trusting that they won't abuse the power you give them. It's not hard to remain loyal to a person, and if you can't do that simple task...then you don't deserve that person's love, care and affection but you do deserve all the issues that come crashing down when you lose them.
Have a day
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