燃起盆內的炭後,我連忙狂灌紅酒。本以為要兩支紅酒才夠我不省人事,豈料一支經已綽綽有餘。很高興,我能在感受到熱力前昏睡過去,免卻更多痛苦……775Please respect copyright.PENANAbrZV565CMP
775Please respect copyright.PENANArlHtWJSmvp
不知過了多久,我漸漸恢復意識。775Please respect copyright.PENANAKPB3xilXJQ
775Please respect copyright.PENANAlLDFrrPNRw
真是失敗的傢伙!連自殺亦告失敗。775Please respect copyright.PENANAKLjoEPql1V
775Please respect copyright.PENANASxhNoDuShR
我目光散渙,緩緩掃視四周。我正躺在地面,在床和房門之間。估是從床上滾下來。我望向火盆和剩炭的位置。咦?怎麼不見了?難道包租婆到來過?除了我,只有她有鑰匙。難道是為了免卻報警帶來的麻煩,乾脆取走火盆和剩炭作罷?我要控告她「擅闖民居」和「盜竊」!噢!我在亂想甚麼?我仍拖欠她租金……775Please respect copyright.PENANAnsrTQSvX0r
775Please respect copyright.PENANAkFbq3YtAZf
勉力撐起身子,才驚覺自己一絲不掛。我徹底驚醒,連忙檢查身上有沒有傷口或甚麼的。沒有。挺直腰板站起來,金睛火眼環視四周。自己留在房內的行李袋、日用品、衣物、雜物等等,統統不見了。十分不對勁!難道我真的死了,自己正身處死後的世界?我是鬼魂?昔日看過的鬼電影,讓我很快就意識到自己已然死亡,是「鬼魂」。775Please respect copyright.PENANA0ocLK9gFxu
775Please respect copyright.PENANAB8TkpQXv2L
可喜可賀!終於死掉了!我難掩興奮,馬上測試自己有沒有獲得甚麼超能力。775Please respect copyright.PENANA8MpWbiWmnT
775Please respect copyright.PENANAKpLjSijegp
穿牆過壁!我直衝房門,不痛不癢就穿過門板,來到門外的走廊。冷不防,背面有「東西」撞來,利落地穿過我的身體,繼續開步走。一頂純黑色鴨舌帽、一件灰藍色男裝汗衣、一條深灰色三角骨褲、一對白襪和一對破爛波鞋,各安本分,併湊出一個人形,一個活生生的「東西」。775Please respect copyright.PENANArhemNXMdhp
775Please respect copyright.PENANAPaJxwHhlnK
驚魂未定,我呆站原地,眼巴巴看著那「東西」掏出門匙,扭開門鎖,進入附近的單位,關門。十分平凡的舉措,以萬分不可思議的形式呈現出來。我意識到那「東西」是活人。他看不見我,而我亦算不上看見他。775Please respect copyright.PENANAFA0nEUXEMm
775Please respect copyright.PENANA1i9xhGUS05
我心神稍定,穿牆進入他的房間去。基本格局和我的房間一樣。一張鐵製碌架床、門後一個趟門衣櫃、門側一張小桌子、天花吸頂燈、窗口式冷氣機,沒啥特別。775Please respect copyright.PENANAwFSsq4ymLQ
775Please respect copyright.PENANABIm3nYUAl1
他沒有開冷氣(包租婆徵收的電費貴得出奇),逕自坐在床上清衣落褲,甩鞋脫襪,只剩下一條內褲。內褲對上的位置,有一堆泥狀流體,沿著既定軌道排隊。位置較高的,色彩繽紛,依稀辨別得到是三絲炒麵的食材碎料;位置較低的,彎彎曲曲盤踞著,卻紊而不亂,由淺至深呈現令人不安的啡黑色,以濕潤至乾癟的質感訴說它能產生出何等嚇人的惡臭。775Please respect copyright.PENANAKtiVhNQuo3
775Please respect copyright.PENANA5hJSbjfjXi
我轉身到其他單位參觀去。目不暇給。杯麵麵條被無支點的筷子扯到空中,自動輾碎成糊;鉛筆在書簿上飛舞,留下歪歪斜斜的醜字;一根香菸被火機點燃,在空中來來往往,將白煙硬推入無形的管道、兩瓣墨黑的氣囊。當白煙經管道和兩條小管逃出生天時,香菸亦慢慢消逝成灰……775Please respect copyright.PENANAHpuVlqg47e
775Please respect copyright.PENANACesEcddaLE
單是遊覽大廈裡的單位,已花掉我大半天時間。到我下樓到大街時,天色早已入黑。街燈黃光依舊黯然,身邊卻是一番有趣的風景。無數衣褲鞋襪四處遊走,甚至穿過我的身體;車輛彷彿有思想的,懂得自行看交通燈號,適時開車或停車;商店的門自動開開合合,讓無人的輪椅安全內進;超級市場的貨品,佻皮地由貨架飄入購物籃,或是悠悠直接飄往收銀處,由旁邊的銀包為其付款;餐廳的廚房裡,刀起刀落,食材慘被利落砸斷……775Please respect copyright.PENANATHGwsjsert
775Please respect copyright.PENANA3OJfgMMqtq
我在廚房的角落看見正在溶雪的牛肉塊。淡紅的血水流在工作台上或滴在地上,再悄悄溜到溝渠裡去。肉塊是啡白色的,該已雪藏半年之久,死氣沉沉的。但就是這堆毫無生命跡象的肉塊,讓我再次察覺生命的「存在」。775Please respect copyright.PENANA9FEyJ7bVKG
775Please respect copyright.PENANAXtYiqeleue
這堆肉,是來自多少頭牛?那些牛生前會吃甚麼,糧或草?住的地方會否很逼狹,就像我住在劏房裡那樣可憐嗎?牠們會親眼目睹同伴被屠宰的過程或親耳聽見牠們的悽厲叫聲嗎?會傷心嗎?775Please respect copyright.PENANA3TFpkN0ynO
775Please respect copyright.PENANA6SR2zWczkR
「請問,有沒有見到一頭小牛走過?」有一成熟女聲從後傳來。775Please respect copyright.PENANAjrUjSY32Gl
775Please respect copyright.PENANAr0zmE5UAIH
我初時沒有意識到對方是跟我說話,未有理睬她。但無視對方半晌後,我才猛然醒悟:怎麼我會聽到「聲音」?自我醒來一刻,我就沒有聽到過任何聲音。要不有如斯精彩的世界在眼前,恐怕我早已被這份異樣的寂靜嚇破膽。775Please respect copyright.PENANA37igvqzcLE
775Please respect copyright.PENANAKERifX9v7h
我猛然回頭,和身後的一隻黃牛對上視線。我十分肯定,牠是看得見我,但我不肯定說話的是否牠。牠也是鬼魂嗎?曉講人話是牠的超能力嗎?775Please respect copyright.PENANAHKdxTy8qsf
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我搖搖頭,連退幾步,心生見鬼的恐懼。775Please respect copyright.PENANAa2eSXNV7UN
775Please respect copyright.PENANAYDVJ5vkVsx
「那真可惜。」黃牛沒精打采地搖搖尾,轉身穿牆離開,消失於我的視線範圍。775Please respect copyright.PENANAVXMgzvNUZw
775Please respect copyright.PENANAlx5v67OTfe
心神稍定,我才開始後悔。我該跟上去!可能會遇到其他鬼魂,從中得到更多關於鬼魂的資訊,甚或是知道「投胎」的方法。775Please respect copyright.PENANAbg6gEXFFvS
775Please respect copyright.PENANAbXRHGqfyyJ
衝到大街,已不見黃牛的身影。775Please respect copyright.PENANABtqnLuLhmP
775Please respect copyright.PENANAalNp9J6lEa
牛!牛!牛!你在哪裡?我扯大嗓子,高聲喚叫。聽來很白痴,但我無所顧忌。該不會有認識我的「人」會看見我的滑稽相吧。775Please respect copyright.PENANAYV01eMJyCw
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沒有回應。775Please respect copyright.PENANArTBi6kjSHE
775Please respect copyright.PENANAe4sZ1L8eXE
我隨意跑向右邊。一直跑、一直叫,苦無回應。昔日由街頭行至街尾,需時二十分鐘;現在用上跑的,時間則更短,估計要十五分鐘。我這疏於運動的瘦削青年,一口氣接連跑了十五分鐘,竟沒有喘過氣,大腿小腿均不覺痠軟或抽痛,全然沒有肉體的負累。我會否還有甚麼未被發掘的超能力,可以有助我找到那頭黃牛?775Please respect copyright.PENANAKKwYDLip9T
775Please respect copyright.PENANA1Mrxdn67oG
飛?飛上半空,該可以看見牠的身影!我模仿小鳥的拍翼動作,拍動雙手,上下上下上下。可惜,雙腳不曾離地。難道我太重?難道雙手的力量不夠支撐身體?難道我根本沒有這種超能力?775Please respect copyright.PENANAweQutH9XNg
775Please respect copyright.PENANAJIEwCcpjzg
「哈!」黃牛的聲音在我身後傳來:「你在學飛嗎?」牠面帶笑意,從不遠處緩緩走向我。775Please respect copyright.PENANAFFfs0ZqITP
775Please respect copyright.PENANABiJoj7EtgE
我被牠突如其來的現身打亂了思緒,變得語無倫次。是……不是!775Please respect copyright.PENANA9pWPzt6fYO
775Please respect copyright.PENANAnILWhWudDh
牠的笑意更深。775Please respect copyright.PENANAhWc2tTYAmE
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真糟糕!我被一頭黃牛恥笑!775Please respect copyright.PENANAdva7IVBwyp
775Please respect copyright.PENANASmvd4T8eZG
我在找你!我連忙換個話題,避開窘況。775Please respect copyright.PENANADeGUoIylg0
775Please respect copyright.PENANAWyCLjnQ8iX
「我知。我聽到你的喚喊聲。」黃牛收起笑意,換上鄙夷的眼神:「不過你一邊叫、一邊跑遠,教我該怎麼回應你?」在牠眼裡,我該是個愚笨的傢伙。775Please respect copyright.PENANAakf8alfHCc
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你可以大聲回答我,或是直接跑過來。我教牠。775Please respect copyright.PENANAGVL1tARYV9
775Please respect copyright.PENANAQidQ0jiHER
「是你在找我,怎麼要我主動方便你?你又不是要給我甚麼好東西。」黃牛毫不客氣:「看你的狼狽相,該是剛斃命不久的。想要找個前輩來倚靠吧。」775Please respect copyright.PENANAEJ6536lEKX
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被說穿了,我語塞。775Please respect copyright.PENANAPQlPI2RUKn
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靜默了好一會兒,牠率先邁步離開。沒奈何,我如喪家之犬一樣跟在牠身後。775Please respect copyright.PENANA3uivFxsuRb
775Please respect copyright.PENANAJhEIAiHSC4
不需再細分人行道和馬路,想走在哪就走在那。黃牛喜歡走在馬路中央。牠沿著兩條行車線中間的白色油漆記號走,四蹄故意踏在記號上。無聊又可愛。775Please respect copyright.PENANAIofbigWu8m
775Please respect copyright.PENANA42nl66qXqg
「你不需要害怕。這裡沒有誰能傷害你。」黃牛心情愉快。775Please respect copyright.PENANAYrToK4MKFX
775Please respect copyright.PENANAfGL7TwG6IM
全世界只有我倆在?沒有其他鬼魂?我不明所以。即便細小如我城,按道理,每秒也該有數以千計的生命消逝。人類、黃牛、狗、貓、老鼠、蟑螂……醒來至今,早已過了大半天。除了這頭無禮的黃牛外,我沒有遇見過其他鬼魂。775Please respect copyright.PENANA5X5DzIkt6p
775Please respect copyright.PENANAEpJreIjTIc
「不!當然有其他鬼魂。不過,沒有緣份就沒有溝通的機會。」走在前頭的黃牛狀甚感慨:「此時此刻,我倆除了被『活物』穿過,同時被無緣份的『鬼魂』穿過。鬼魂的數量遠比活物多,但我們感覺不到對方的存在,亦溝通不了。」牠故意走上人行道,任由衣褲鞋襪穿過身體。「這是『朋友』告訴我的。牠無所不知。」775Please respect copyright.PENANAEbQ5IY6ulu
775Please respect copyright.PENANA7HlO8eheqT
我跟黃牛有緣份?我想像到自己正被無數鬼魂同時穿過,但我無法想像到自己如何跟一頭素未謀面的黃牛有緣份。775Please respect copyright.PENANAmuRKF5SlvN
775Please respect copyright.PENANAv30FsDy5uA
「我有要事在身,不能照顧你太長時間。」黃牛想起了甚麼,眼神顯得落寞。775Please respect copyright.PENANArXN1sK8d2e
775Please respect copyright.PENANA22zhqxOOcG
我強擠笑容。不如你介紹「朋友」給我認識,我就可以直接向牠了解更多,不需再麻煩你。775Please respect copyright.PENANAmp3xsmNOL6
775Please respect copyright.PENANA2k2iiONKV0
「你朝著那個方向一直走,就可以看見牠。」黃牛冷冷地用尾巴指往某個方向。775Please respect copyright.PENANAezGBzxWZH0
775Please respect copyright.PENANAjsvXq9yWzr
在清楚了解狀況前,和有經驗的黃牛分開,是不智的事情。我連忙想個動聽的藉口,好讓自己能繼續跟著牠。你要辦甚麼要緊事?需要我幫忙嗎?當是報答你的指導。根據剛才的對答,我相信牠有一定的智商和歷練,不會提出天方夜譚的要求。775Please respect copyright.PENANA32n3JRmsmK
775Please respect copyright.PENANAY73B3RmKxa
黃牛愣住,仔細端詳我的表情,似乎沒料到我會主動提出幫忙。但我很有信心,牠會留住我:當智商去到一定程度,動物就會懂得使用工具,包括身邊的同伴。775Please respect copyright.PENANAUbrgWxsJzs
775Please respect copyright.PENANAmz42Mne62b
「我在找兒子。」黃牛很感動:「我生前眼巴巴看著牠被人類帶走,沒能找回。現在失去肉體的束縛,才可以了無拘束去尋找。」775Please respect copyright.PENANATMqjRAG5B0
775Please respect copyright.PENANAwkm86fKA8q
我馬上想到一個關鍵問題。假設相遇是必須講求緣份的話,黃牛找不到小牛的唯一原因,只會是「緣份已盡」。若是有緣份,無論如何都會碰上的。在約二千七百平方公里的我城,高樓林立的環境裡,我和黃牛在某小小餐廳的廚房裡相遇。除了緣份,還有甚麼能解釋茫茫宇宙中的遇見。775Please respect copyright.PENANAQ3HFweDYCs
775Please respect copyright.PENANAgvT9QHVKaH
我沒有將這番話說出來,還裝模作樣地詢問更多有關小牛的事。775Please respect copyright.PENANAQktlfg1ygJ
775Please respect copyright.PENANAg2xPb4ZHP9
我們可以去牠逝世的地方試試看,看牠的鬼魂會否留在原地。小牛在哪兒去世的?775Please respect copyright.PENANARHUNLwB0Ca
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「不知道。」775Please respect copyright.PENANAtZ3nMwTQ0b
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我們可以去相關的地方看看。小牛生前有沒有甚麼喜好?775Please respect copyright.PENANAf3vCA4vWlo
775Please respect copyright.PENANA5pi4XSoDMB
「用尾巴驅蒼蠅。」775Please respect copyright.PENANAoRZWtHPSrp
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小牛被人類帶到哪裡去?775Please respect copyright.PENANA2gx7xpLO63
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「運牛車……」775Please respect copyright.PENANAfFBrf9olGo
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基本上,所有線索都斷了。只能靠緣份。775Please respect copyright.PENANAbDNQ9bsBFB
775Please respect copyright.PENANAmw3sZhqIRH
每提及小牛一次,彷彿往黃牛內心插一刀。牠的步伐越益沉重,眼神越見哀傷,牛頭越垂越低,四蹄不再執著於馬路上的記號。我於心不忍,沒有再詢問關於小牛的事,甚至為了轉移黃牛的焦點,主動講述生前的見聞……775Please respect copyright.PENANAfB2FrAr86P
775Please respect copyright.PENANA5doWOfZ3fM
無月的夜。大部份活人均已回家休息去,泛黃路燈的照明下,大街上只剩十餘套衣褲鞋襪在緩慢走動。部份偶爾會在過路燈口停下,讓汽車先行駛過。更多的是無視交通燈的指示,直接衝過路口,活像在街角亂竄的鼠輩。775Please respect copyright.PENANACMmePQfh1h
775Please respect copyright.PENANAuBMGaktFLz
這份無聲的混亂,散發出濃烈的死亡氣息。775Please respect copyright.PENANA7QGG1JP9HI
775Please respect copyright.PENANAIIx28pnNO1
生前,總渴求死後世界的安寧;死後,卻覺得生前的世界更接近印象中的死亡。775Please respect copyright.PENANAfXHh48rnEb
775Please respect copyright.PENANAiPmmw5bJWB
生前,除了工作時間需要說話片刻外,其餘時刻都不需要溝通,枯燥乏味得與困在棺材等死無異;死後,我和一頭新相識的黃牛談天說地,分享活著時的所見所聞。775Please respect copyright.PENANAcpNw1CdImy
775Please respect copyright.PENANA7RnjoWTY5R
牠說牠的兒子右後腿有一塊紅色的胎痣。不愛吃草,但愛嚼草;我說我唯一的女友有一頭烏亮順滑的及腰長髮、精緻脫俗的五官、姣好的身材、白嫩緊緻的肌膚。性格單純可愛,善良正直……775Please respect copyright.PENANAjo6oLFdfLN
775Please respect copyright.PENANATZ4HlO9XdR
「既然你愛她,為何你會選擇自殺?」黃牛畢竟是一頭牛,不懂得複雜多變的人類世界,沒能理解人類的思路。775Please respect copyright.PENANALTYFytFoIe
775Please respect copyright.PENANART2dJZ1onq
有數之不盡的原因。我不打算詳述,以免對牛彈琴,白費唇舌。775Please respect copyright.PENANAAvcicYgDf5
775Please respect copyright.PENANANg9QXJXnku
「你已經死了,沒有肉體的束縛,你現在可以全心全意去愛她。」黃牛是單純的不明白,沒有批判之意。775Please respect copyright.PENANAutGWR23R1Y
775Please respect copyright.PENANANRY1CVx6uT
還不行啊!我苦笑。執著於沒有好結果的感情,是很痛苦的事。所以,即便和女友的感情再深,我也決定將其埋藏心底作罷。775Please respect copyright.PENANAAOxZfoWJqC
775Please respect copyright.PENANAcUUBPLb07N
「原來人類的問題不會隨肉體消失?」黃牛衷心同情人類:「那可真糟糕!」775Please respect copyright.PENANAyWqTfvOcdo
775Please respect copyright.PENANApcakjmGwCm
我無言以對。怎麼說?人類的問題確實沒有消失,但將我逼上絕路的問題已然全部消失。住屋、金錢、前途、道德、倫理、政治、家庭、事業、健康、生活環境……統統不復存在。775Please respect copyright.PENANA2zH1gSJwYV
775Please respect copyright.PENANAOqt51Nb6sg
很悲哀。人生的基本事項,竟是我尋死的主因。而更令我感到痛心的是,世上絕大部份活人仍然需要面對它們。他們有沒有能力解決這些問題呢?如何解決呢?775Please respect copyright.PENANAcyfQE1zWcE
775Please respect copyright.PENANAwXoNzdOjgR
不!我不該再為這些東西動腦筋。這不再是我的問題,而是活人的問題……775Please respect copyright.PENANAP4vhRTykXK
775Please respect copyright.PENANA0PfuZwEc8f
「或許,你可以守在她的身邊,直至她逝世。只要她一死,你不就可以馬上和她相見,永遠待在一起!」黃牛的腦筋挺靈活,很不錯。縱使牠漏算了人類沒有「一生只愛一人」這特質。775Please respect copyright.PENANAPX4oq5nAi6
775Please respect copyright.PENANANqgtAwlzxq
我正要開口否決牠的建議時,眼角瞥見藍中帶紫的天際泛起一片淡紅朝霞。頃刻間,來到唇邊的說話被莫名的寧靜驅散了。黃牛似乎看穿我的感受,領我去一個「好地方」看日出。775Please respect copyright.PENANA5WU91Yom2D
775Please respect copyright.PENANAYYsr84sjrx
寬闊的大馬路上,四蹄兩腿齊齊拔足狂奔。無視迎面衝來的汽車,無視交通燈號,無視規則,只知向著日出的方向跑。跑著跑著,我突然發現自己是一隻正在跑道加速的飛機。跑到前邊那個交通燈口,我就會自然而然飛起來。775Please respect copyright.PENANAmVuP7dcXV7
775Please respect copyright.PENANAan8zSCRzz9
對!我一定會飛起來!775Please respect copyright.PENANAcYRIk34gjd
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跑、踏、跳、飛!775Please respect copyright.PENANAPVfWflC6tP
775Please respect copyright.PENANA9GJ0r2EGKl
雙腳離地,輕鬆趕上拋離我十多個身位的黃牛,還在牠面前來個花式飛翔表演。775Please respect copyright.PENANA1WLI9AMrLq
775Please respect copyright.PENANASCSSbqyNAd
「哇!」黃牛被迷住了,興奮大叫。亢奮的身影,在車水馬龍的鬧市中尤其奪目。775Please respect copyright.PENANAvKxdcDa5fw
775Please respect copyright.PENANAGd34gi14IF
我回身俯衝,雙手一抱,將整隻黃牛帶離地面。牠比我想象中輕盈得多。是沒有肉體的關係嗎?管他的!快樂就可以!775Please respect copyright.PENANAuTAidgmqKE
775Please respect copyright.PENANAUqSUCWrGIJ
朝霞顏色更見鮮豔,火紅鵝黃亮橙,誘人耀眼。黃牛驚恐至極,又叫又喊。我懶理牠,逕自飛得更高,高過附近所有大廈,得到一個遼闊無邊的視野。朝霞變淡,取而代之是一片無瑕的魚肚白。懷中的黃牛忽而安靜下來,靜待主角登場。金黃亮光先行開路,將眾生靈的注意力聚焦一點。太陽冉冉升起,令天上其餘色彩啞然失色。沒有肉體的限制,我放膽直視太陽。775Please respect copyright.PENANAcE924xlULV
775Please respect copyright.PENANAQ83yAFcmhY
純粹的白,純粹的光,純粹的能量。純粹的情感,純粹的快樂,純粹的愛。775Please respect copyright.PENANAH30DLVFTOR
775Please respect copyright.PENANA8UTeBK5roC
「小牛!」黃牛高呼兒子的名字。775Please respect copyright.PENANAl2KFu9dgc6
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我高呼女友的名字。775Please respect copyright.PENANAva9iFBhHb6
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明明知道對方聽不見,偏偏就是想叫喊出來!明明知道你再感受不了,偏偏我就是愛你!775Please respect copyright.PENANAybPxTHxA6p
775Please respect copyright.PENANA17SXat8baq
太陽高掛半空之時,我們亦回到地面去。馬路上,並肩漫步,相顧無言,無視心裡頭的大量疑問,享受日出帶來的美妙餘韻。日正當空,我們來到海濱長廊。踱步,閒話家常,享受海面的粼粼波光。775Please respect copyright.PENANAiVmFcrynUv
775Please respect copyright.PENANAC0EbhilL3D
「我決定了。」黃牛露出罕有的溫柔微笑:「帶你到『朋友』身邊後,我才繼續找兒子。你可以在『朋友』身上得到很多資料。那會對你找尋女友下落很有幫助。」牠竭力以自己有限的所知去理解我的世界,為我操心籌謀。果然是當媽媽的好料子。「我起初以為你在漫無目的地遊離浪盪,現在才知道你也有想念的人。思念是很痛苦的事……」牠將自己失去兒子的痛苦,代入到我身上。775Please respect copyright.PENANA7Dme2FwvTC
775Please respect copyright.PENANAISw9BuHOTr
我眼眶濕潤,掃掃黃牛頭上的短毛,加以安慰。料不到,與這頭認識不到廿四小時的黃牛,會有如此深刻的情感交流。775Please respect copyright.PENANAz4FZD9FnNx
775Please respect copyright.PENANAp2Ziegq4RS
「好!坐言起行!」黃牛立即換上一副精神奕奕的模樣,衝向護欄,四蹄一蹬,直墮海面。775Please respect copyright.PENANA6ddw0F3yHb
775Please respect copyright.PENANAUoKIOaeWpB
風平浪靜,水花沒有為牠濺起。四蹄平穩地直立水面上,不受波浪影響,如履平地。牠回頭喚我跟去。775Please respect copyright.PENANAplJyjwst3v
775Please respect copyright.PENANAnXLhlLodSG
我望望大海,再望望自己雙腳,不期然憶起兒時遇溺的苦況:雙眼澀痛,刺鼻的泳池水無間斷湧入鼻腔口腔,四肢激烈亂舞卻抓空撲空。掙扎無果遠比一擊致命的痛快更見殘忍……775Please respect copyright.PENANAsAyBGnNlyl
775Please respect copyright.PENANAG6gfzE0Euy
雙腳猶如釘在地面,久久不提步。陽光很美,大海很美,奈何我不敢上前。775Please respect copyright.PENANAHMWtwfLIBl
775Please respect copyright.PENANAr2PDcxk5ZT
恐懼面前,時間彷如無物。我的思維、大海的波浪、粼粼的波光,都靜置在恐懼當中。明明知道自己已然死亡,不會再經歷那種苦痛,為何就是放不下?775Please respect copyright.PENANAGlhy0S9MAu
775Please respect copyright.PENANABaJ8kMMW2a
黃牛沒有催促我,輕輕抬頭莞爾一笑:「怕水?」775Please respect copyright.PENANAJKUqdTu8w7
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我點點頭。775Please respect copyright.PENANAakQSb3a2rp
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「騎在我的背上吧。」黃牛前蹄曲下,半伏下來:「算是答謝你帶我飛天看日出。」775Please respect copyright.PENANAK8jYbRFsFo
775Please respect copyright.PENANABTBZM2OycQ
我毫不忸怩,馬上跳到牛背上起行。牛步四平八穩,不會顛簸。775Please respect copyright.PENANAFqgAMCBOkI
775Please respect copyright.PENANAjhOzLJIeW3
我問黃牛,你怎麼能水上行走。775Please respect copyright.PENANA4Vp37RIP1Z
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「覺得自己做到,就會做到。」775Please respect copyright.PENANA0IDzjY0Q56
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甚麼?775Please respect copyright.PENANAeqmm9TDaV6
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「覺得自己曉飛,就曉得飛;覺得自己能夠水上步行,就可以水上步行。」775Please respect copyright.PENANAaUpp5ckqjW
775Please respect copyright.PENANAMOmYKZpCMJ
你怎麼不自己飛起看日出?775Please respect copyright.PENANAH5iAYpI8D8
775Please respect copyright.PENANA10Uc6OJi1f
「我畏高。」775Please respect copyright.PENANAVav9aevC8g
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我笑了,黃牛也笑了。775Please respect copyright.PENANA3GbIAU0FtF
775Please respect copyright.PENANAe5dUjPcKmf
的確,起飛當刻,我純粹覺得自己可以飛,並沒有質疑過自己能否飛起,就像我認為鬼魂定能穿牆過壁那樣理所當然。775Please respect copyright.PENANAvfjzKrfD0W
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茅塞頓開。775Please respect copyright.PENANAMWPgZ49pUP
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我雙手一撐,躍下牛背,站在水面上。沾沾自喜,一臉得意:「好。到你!」775Please respect copyright.PENANAhnnxm7H4rW
775Please respect copyright.PENANA5Wx5oIODut
黃牛愣住,浮游於恐懼和快感之間。775Please respect copyright.PENANA1jgV6Um7wG
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說不定,你將來可以教小牛飛,看盡世界的好風景!775Please respect copyright.PENANAYwM8RMGAdx
775Please respect copyright.PENANAQ89kgLbMZc
黃牛笑了,臉露神采,四蹄稍稍離開水面。775Please respect copyright.PENANAiM3PQ4g5KK
775Please respect copyright.PENANAc9uSGZtacV
就是這樣!我鼓勵牠。四目交投,要牠忘卻高度,記住小牛精靈眼眸的深度。775Please respect copyright.PENANAkouaqbnMuy
775Please respect copyright.PENANAz4V1AoNLNz
「小牛!」牠高呼兒子的名字,就成功飛起來。775Please respect copyright.PENANAkjKwQAoJAC
775Please respect copyright.PENANA5DnjEvBAMG
我尾隨牠,飛越港口,在離島著陸。775Please respect copyright.PENANANXxZJiKTlN
775Please respect copyright.PENANACcSUrAJx0I
烈日當空,遊人稀疏,商戶店員在簷下陰影搖扇乘涼。我和黃牛浩浩蕩蕩來到古舊的廟宇。無人。香火疏落如禿子頭上殘餘的髮根。我抬頭望向那莊嚴卻滄桑的木雕神像。這自身難保的傢伙,就是黃牛的朋友?775Please respect copyright.PENANANctQKYYABv
775Please respect copyright.PENANAUtMkNBX261
「小牛終於回來了。」祂的聲音像柔和的風,又像滋潤的雨,是聆聽者心中的風鈴。775Please respect copyright.PENANAsi7ry9PlHH
775Please respect copyright.PENANASDqLus2HYJ
「不。還未找到小牛。只是發現一個人類鬼魂。」黃牛狀甚灰心。775Please respect copyright.PENANAlBlX9J7NGz
775Please respect copyright.PENANA1rcPVKFp7D
「這是小牛。」神像肯定說:「小牛投胎多次,早已忘記曾經的『小牛』身份,亦忘記了你。」775Please respect copyright.PENANA3XUnZfEwmE
775Please respect copyright.PENANA7XLQAbAbRo
不知是否我的錯覺,總覺得木訥的神像在望著我,以一種極其謐靜的目光。775Please respect copyright.PENANAhqZjfF8MH6
775Please respect copyright.PENANAnQA1cnSH8X
「我怎會不認得小牛?」黃牛激動地喊嚷:「黑白分明的圓眼,右後腿有一塊紅色的胎痣,時刻擺個不停的牛尾巴,左額角有道小刀鎅成的疤痕……」775Please respect copyright.PENANAEZFB6Ug0lV
775Please respect copyright.PENANAHRY3pCKked
「記得你家的風景嗎?」神像的淡然,反襯出實相的殘忍:「柴枝和枯草搭成的棚,棚前的碩大黃皮樹,樹下的大片青草地……」775Please respect copyright.PENANAI7Q1Et7cLU
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黃牛點點頭。775Please respect copyright.PENANA3iQqSgs0Av
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「它們還在?」神像以簡單的一句話,引出黃牛晶瑩的淚珠。775Please respect copyright.PENANAP5BnaN2jZO
775Please respect copyright.PENANAkAbEIuHJWq
「不在……棚主老死後,子孫將地方賣給一個富翁。富翁僱人拆掉牛棚、斬掉黃皮樹、清走草坪,在空地上築起一間漂亮的大磚屋。後來磚屋被拆卸,先後改建成學校、住宅、大廈……」黃牛頓了頓,轉頭望向我,一臉不敢相信:「現在是一間餐廳……」775Please respect copyright.PENANA7h2ztjZOqM
775Please respect copyright.PENANAMFv8zlDshX
眼神相交,我大概估到黃牛在想甚麼:這就是我倆之間的緣份。775Please respect copyright.PENANA9IQShVda5x
775Please respect copyright.PENANAwJzFcfcPiL
整個空間倏忽靜默起來,彷彿只有我和黃牛的存在。775Please respect copyright.PENANAhMdIM9tFre
775Please respect copyright.PENANAFWe6ROq59X
我們的緣份並不是始於今世,亦未必始於黃牛知道的當世之中。很有可能是更久遠的過去。在地球誕生之前嗎?是在宇宙其他角落發生的事情嗎?不過,那全都不重要,因為我們連眼前狀況亦沒能弄清楚。775Please respect copyright.PENANAbOSytiJXDs
775Please respect copyright.PENANAxjJ463np73
「昨天在街上流連,突然感覺到小牛在附近。我隨著感覺走,走到餐廳裡。找不到小牛的身影,卻看見你。我只把你當作和我有緣份的人類,沒料到你竟是小牛……」黃牛破涕為笑:「真糟糕!我竟認不出小牛。我真是個很糟糕的媽媽!」775Please respect copyright.PENANAlzDajueL7B
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不!不糟糕!世界時刻在變,認不出來,很正常。775Please respect copyright.PENANAjqoqax6E0G
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「謝謝。」笑著笑著,黃牛的身影隱去了,消失無蹤。775Please respect copyright.PENANAfGSTUszRkU
775Please respect copyright.PENANAvasmh4S1H2
心頭若有所失,眼淚在眶裡打圈轉。我轉身望向神像,冀祂能指點迷津。775Please respect copyright.PENANAGIUS0TPUG3
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黃牛到哪兒去?775Please respect copyright.PENANAEnyIQajIDi
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「黃牛到了下一個階段去。」神像說。神情似笑非笑,既冷漠又仁慈。775Please respect copyright.PENANAbI4BUiy0Tl
775Please respect copyright.PENANAQ6DdjVF9G4
我沒再多話,隨意找個幽暗角落躺著,好好整頓思緒。呆望漏光的屋簷,看見空氣中的微塵,有光又有影。它們緩緩飄落,穿過我,落到地面。渺小卻必然。和我一樣。775Please respect copyright.PENANATsnFGQOTFB
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甚麼是「下一個階段」?775Please respect copyright.PENANA3PFUXvuWj9
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「投胎。」775Please respect copyright.PENANAxypbxe9enl
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甚麼時候會到下一個階段?775Please respect copyright.PENANAu5Zluu3CrL
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「當你不在這裡時。」775Please respect copyright.PENANAWOXVaX5OV4
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我如何不在這裡?775Please respect copyright.PENANACcDZDd3uYt
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「當你不想留在這裡,你自然會離開這裡。」775Please respect copyright.PENANAh9CR754wdH
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我已不想留在這裡……775Please respect copyright.PENANAlKuU5Pa9ZH
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「不。你想。你仍然緊緊抱著這世界。」775Please respect copyright.PENANACxWRcEXGHl
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甚麼?775Please respect copyright.PENANAK6lbtFUsgu
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「你認為鬼魂一定能夠穿牆過壁,所以你在死去不久已懂得穿牆過壁。當你覺得自己會飛,就馬上由不懂飛變成懂得飛。當你明白在水面行走的原理,你就可以立即踏步於在水面上。表面上,你接受了自己失去肉體這事實。775Please respect copyright.PENANANC4ACXRvQp
775Please respect copyright.PENANAUAa67I2A9S
可是,移動時,你會用腳走路或用腳跑;你感知周邊環境時,會依賴眼睛;對黃牛說話,你依賴嘴巴和聲帶。事實上,你的肉體經已滅亡,你沒有腳、眼睛、嘴巴、聲帶。你只是習慣性地以為自己正在使用身體。你仍然未真正拋開你的『肉體』。」775Please respect copyright.PENANATwRoAPjANf
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那我就忘掉自己的習慣吧。行!775Please respect copyright.PENANA2izzsBk7O2
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「要拋開你慣用的思考模式。例如,你一直聽到黃牛在講人話。但我告訴你,牠不懂講人話,純粹在吽吽叫。你聽到牠講人話,是因為你認為自己只聽得懂人話,加上牠是鬼魂,該有超能力。『懂得講人話』亦算得上是超能力的一種……諸如此類的。你仍然下意識地將自己在人類世界得到的觀念活用出來。」775Please respect copyright.PENANAa1tlWkzOT2
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那我就忘掉這些觀念吧。行!775Please respect copyright.PENANARfVs9zMpRt
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「最後要放下執著。就像黃牛放下小牛一樣。」775Please respect copyright.PENANAQH4GzD2gT6
775Please respect copyright.PENANAkGN3itbCRR
我驀地想起黃牛的說話:思念是很痛苦的事。頃刻間,我分不清黃牛的最後表情孰悲孰喜,抑或是當中不包含悲喜。我亦分不清自己是否要堅決放棄那痛苦的事。畢竟捨棄痛苦的同時,對立的快樂亦會消散。775Please respect copyright.PENANADrDQ69Yfre
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黃牛失去小牛會感痛苦,是因為牠擁有小牛時會快樂。775Please respect copyright.PENANAFLT2iRsT9h
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當初我選擇捨棄生命,是因為生存讓我感到痛苦。生存讓我感到痛苦,是因為我沒能擁有那些讓我感到快樂的。惟失去生命以後,我卻發現「那些讓我感到快樂的」大部份只是過眼雲煙而已。775Please respect copyright.PENANApWKdt4N9le
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無論生前或死後,唯一穩佔我心頭的只有女友一人。775Please respect copyright.PENANAcVbhIhL3cf
775Please respect copyright.PENANAll5DsPJyNj
昔日與她分離,是因為我自覺沒能照顧她。在這亂七八糟的城巿裡,人類能活得像樣已是很了不起的事情,養活父母、照顧妻兒更是人生的豐功偉績。我的人生結局,證明當日的分離是最正確不過的決定……不!不正確!決心分離和自殺才是真正斷絕緣份的方法!斷絕了人與人之間的緣份,亦斷絕了人與可能性的緣份!775Please respect copyright.PENANAwtmtLDPdLd
775Please respect copyright.PENANAzHxQwCbztm
我告訴神像,我決定多留一會兒。我想待女友死亡後,給她講解這裡的規矩,就像黃牛照顧我一樣。775Please respect copyright.PENANAQcPtSVhJ0e
775Please respect copyright.PENANAmUlP30FjJl
「未必可行……你們之間的緣份已因你的自殺而變得極為淺薄。除非,你們之間互相存有十分強烈的思念。就像黃牛對於小牛的百年執著。」775Please respect copyright.PENANAej8pKdRMwW
775Please respect copyright.PENANAAMZ5dzlyoN
原來黃牛已尋找小牛一百年……775Please respect copyright.PENANAnIHAtkBt8b
775Please respect copyright.PENANA4Xx74OwEvF
「明白了沒?」775Please respect copyright.PENANAh0orOxeay5
775Please respect copyright.PENANAl0L9IwU8Si
明白!無論結果如何,我這就去她的身邊,開始我的執著!心念一轉,眼前景觀立即粉碎成細末,瞬間重組成一個小小的睡房。床頭櫃上的相架,放有一位高貴婦人的相片。我認得那溫柔的笑容,屬於我曾經的女友。
註:775Please respect copyright.PENANAb5K7aOUD1Q
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