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接到出版社新指令當刻，我意識到寫作生涯正要面臨終極考驗。在我面前僅餘兩個選擇：屈從或離開。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhp9kFvPdrs
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2hgcaWB5lR
我笑，笑自己，笑自己毫不猶豫作出選擇——屈從。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXWmv3xYFV4
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLOLTkQHWTv
「好的。我會試從這方向去構思。」371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvsUx3Hs5uj
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsDBqHtvi4K
「不是試，而是必須依循這方向實踐！」371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8NLcT3C5n8
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNAO2bLk0Iv
「好的。」371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFqd4lTESkI
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡemnsRlPsdf
多聊幾句不著邊際的，編輯突然說要忙其他工作，我也識趣乖乖走出辦公室。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGA8Xp7RiSw
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3DknuWr5HF
在咖啡廳一隅找個僻靜位置，點一客蛋糕，要一杯咖啡，細閱悉才會面時寫下的筆記。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4qIAwDeYy2
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5092ws9B3Q
嗯……該怎樣形容此刻感受？被否定？被看貶？被強逼？被侮辱？以上皆是。但我沒料到上述所有感覺綜合起來得出的結果並非「憤怒」，而是「無力」。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCNmibXfPmk
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWUQR0j24cS
潮流，風潮的流動。流的，動的，變幻的。追上潮流就會成為大眾模楷，追不上潮流就會被淘汰。我明白這是自然不過的淘汰過程，所以無法生起憤怒。若說真要怪罪任何人，也只得怪責自己——我還未開明得敞開心胸拋下固有思維去順應潮流——可笑我沒有絲毫怪罪之意。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbvqXHvVolp
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNbNiq7jGmi
對於今日困局，我早有心理準備。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp4KNK1EWVD
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUyXDv6Sfby
不過在發生當刻，無可避免覺痛。大半輩子的努力付出和個人信念被一下子全盤否定！一直以來支撐我孤身走來的精神支柱被一下子推垮！我還可以相信甚麼？我還可以依靠甚麼？371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4pX5Eb7gu3
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV6MgkID2pT
內心波濤洶湧，表面淡然幽雅。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3vHvd2Qthb
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7GhcPxehNa
既然過去和將來沒有必然因果關係，那就好好享受當刻這口蛋糕、這口咖啡。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡunShKmxVev
家，書房。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlmURAFB83A
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ8kiYx97ig
開始鑽研編輯提供的清單上所有作品，看看時下作品有何熱門題材和成功因素。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0qprCz7imC
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVxfraV8NwW
修仙、穿越、同人、BL、絕境求生、困獸鬥、對抗強權、自殺、權鬥、道德批判……題材五花八門，卻也萬變不離其中。基本元素仍是沿用多年以來最受歡迎的愛情、成長、友情、英雄主義、個人主義、諷刺現實，變的只是包裝手法（題材）或呈現方式（劇情必須極端、人物情緒起伏必須激烈）。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiOw3pgosbX
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Jayw6W3Pi
這下子，我似乎明白了「甚麼」，心深處卻又抗拒這些「甚麼」。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvBJ4hTAVI8
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd26c9cTzjl
我放下資料，離開書枱，走到窗邊，倚窗抽菸。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDcpBkPXOxK
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzdALPqbEqF
嗯。獨居果然是個正確決定。爸媽受不了菸味，與他們同居只會悶死我。他們常唬嚇我說抽菸習慣會嚇走好男人。我對此一笑置之，沒有反駁——兩老將近七十歲，我沒可能單憑三言兩語改變他們活用幾十年的觀念。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1k1weIm4fh
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDsCCLyfUrf
情況有如編輯的幾句說話沒可能扭轉我沿用多年的人生觀、世界觀、寫作觀。若說我不思進取、固執、老土落伍，我會承認，然後反問對方認為我該根據幾多人幾多意見去改變我的思維、活出我的人生才算得上積極進取、從善如流、新潮前衛。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOecQBGby5m
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhZRcshHCzK
相信對方會熱諷一句：「難怪你的作品賣不了！」371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1QANQB6TDm
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYXBecNRzVA
情況正如兩老常於親友飯聚場合當眾冷嘲：「難怪你嫁不了！」371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpgk670A9SQ
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH7qm1hWUwW
唉！感覺真糟糕，卻沒奈何。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡImpmvtGG2V
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ99XAx3kxq6
只得再來一根菸。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNCZc6fKRiW
動筆。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwQAAh7sSPR
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJflfgeZmy1
主角沒頭沒腦掉入不知哪來的時空裂縫，進入神仙世界，與位列末席的異性神仙共同修煉，推翻殘暴不仁的天界首領。然後與己方戰友鬧翻，開始明爭暗鬥，爭權奪利，結果禍及人間，令長站道德高地的主角黯然退下，在人間結識天真無邪的凡女，情愫漸生。誰料昔日天界紅顏湊巧下凡，得知凡女與主角關係，醋意頓生，視凡女為情敵，施以毒手。主角同性摯友為免主角煩心，暗中保護凡女，卻不自已對主角生起愛意，向主角表白……寫得順暢，寫得精彩。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjkboV62fUG
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjO1HOvOjKT
完成作品後，我馬上發送電郵予編輯，內容簡潔直白：「我寫不了。請另找高明。」371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0qXHuFIABp
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVp6RVd6vn4
刪稿，關電腦，將手提電話調至靜音。世界與我無關。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc3YIbMioKP
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV29EzpKOuw
我卷縮被窩，無法入眠。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvuTjgP2SKA
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeZC2R6p9rX
我在這世界存活幾十年，如今首次意識到自己與世界之間的矛盾何其激烈，而我自己對此又是何等無能無力無奈。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPYCLYMo0Ya
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTe27J4UUG3
那種震撼令我忘記各種宣洩方法：哭、睡、逃避、傾訴、吃喝玩樂……371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQftPX2azws
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHyz15rnDGI
整個腦袋幾近空白一片。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJrFKP9oXl4
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡafQvVK7zwI
各種情緒猶如乾沙，沒能被搓捏成任何形狀。若強行抓起沙子，沙子自然而然從指隙流走，掉落地面，散開、飛逸、無影蹤。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ11LdrzZym
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7dBhGputxm
沒法子。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeMwMh95LMA
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA19fqLCroj
只得待時間為我整理混亂情緒。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJrC6TdGnG0
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtsiDnQCrIj
正如只得待潮流將不思進取、固執、老土落伍的我淘汰。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpEdALrSyKP
