x
午餐用膳後，男生們大多會將多餘時間花在學校操場，或場上打籃球，或場外觀賽。我亦不例外，在場邊與同學輕聲討論打球技巧。忘形之際，一個籃球高速自後側飛來，狠狠砸中我右耳耳背。場中男生上前向我連聲道歉，我只道不要緊。男生拾球後繼續回場較勁，沒把事情放心上。當然，我也沒所謂，小事一椿。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwJoRBBbfdI
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb2aUE6a9Rl
令我在意的反倒是球場另邊有個陌生男生對我微笑。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCQs2ZcIhbB
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmVlfy1TElR
匆匆一笑，半秒即逝。他轉頭跟身邊友人繼續說說笑笑。我挺肯定自己想多了——對方不是故意對著我笑，僅是他的站立姿勢及面向角度湊巧朝著我這邊來。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcBOBFAKqGC
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxlbC1DiMXu
但我還是記住了那抹笑容，記住了他的臉容氣質，記住日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmhJeAcWce0
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRju92FPWtm
為何記住？我解釋不了。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡipcdNrHuEM
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhlV80gptMn
好幾個月過去，夏天轉換為冬。颯颯寒風成功減少場邊女生數目，男生仍然在此閒聊逛蕩。同行朋友忽爾興起，動身到場裡打球。我笑笑婉拒，說吃飽想睡不想動。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoVPF9AiPcO
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUsBgBhuIjY
我獨坐長椅一邊，納悶之際，兩個男生前來佔坐長椅另端空位。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk0P5lri9tS
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo8ysBvvZ3S
其中一個是他。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi7BEU7285r
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3coNXqPyeV
那笑那臉那明暗，歷歷在目。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqtXkOwiKmO
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTuuMoN9P3r
心頭一顫，我馬上別過臉去。數秒後，我稍為冷靜，意識到自己的失態，佯裝無異，繼續觀看球賽。不過他似乎察覺我的異樣，有意無意對我展露笑容——一個意味深長的笑容。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWS99gBYmUU
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlKz8UVRG8N
我尷尬離座回課室去。走樓梯至三樓時，他竟從後叫住我。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMwqYyvxh6A
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSLfG12GLU0
「你遺下銀包。」443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD9ssDq4ZJ5
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡExC9Z5kUgb
「謝謝。」443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH7kKRHT9AP
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdn8FVnOT4D
「不用客氣……」443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ43SRf4Kjj4
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ33wKgzyGvV
奇怪。看他忸怩模樣，他似乎還有話要對我說。說甚麼？不是必須相識的陌生人可以如何打開話題？甚或是「為何要展開話題」？443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaAIorZeaPn
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1cltQeEWsp
氣氛尷尬，四目交投，卻不知如何是好。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQfJlDn9RYh
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPfHf5StcFh
直至提著半滿水桶和微濕地拖的校工在我倆之間經過，彼此才回過神來，甚有默契同時分別從兩個方向離開。我往上，他往下。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfd8uaNMzKW
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmHhQDHsmVO
誰料在午飯時間完結後，我們還是在五樓走廊再次碰面——原來我們都是中五生。由於班別不同、社交圈子不重疊，所以未曾正式認識。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKE1ehPhgZh
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Lfl9q7kiB
不要緊。現在互相自我介紹就可以。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJzi7rcGWk8
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt3EBC0Fiwl
「我是文班許家偉。」443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBY6wmdnptR
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy6RQ39ebE4
「我是理班李浩榮。」443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7s1Po0hPgd
其實我早已知道許家偉。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNJliFs9ZY1
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgsG2nvRoyW
我心儀對象就是喜歡許家偉。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzaXVlWplss
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYTMhRRwxfR
被拒絕的心情久久不散。我開始留意許家偉這個人。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOLQ96SKfDE
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpJAJle2mgH
拜託阿強向文班生打探有關許家偉的事。某文班生說許家偉無啥特別，亦無專長或短處，是個存在感不強的乖學生。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ77ICLleTgX
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCx610KnIJr
我不明所以——為何心儀對象看上他？443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWEJCpbyupb
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRivPsZ4epg
不是認為心儀對象定要接受我或是對方必須比我優勝，只是我真的找不到許家偉有何可愛之處。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjzeRq01YSd
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxGXf6MnpA5
不服氣。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ98loaaC40J
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN7uydo13G9
繼續觀察他。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6wykw3Usx9
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ852ruVk7OG
匆匆數月，秋去冬來，我對許家偉好奇不減。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg3mo54NTWr
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8TqSfoxXRx
某天午餐後，我和阿強發現許家偉獨坐操場長椅，於是立即齊齊上前佔據長椅另端，近距離觀察他。他似乎發現我們的奇異目光，動身離開。正感沒趣，阿強發現地上有一個銀包。查看內裡，看見許家偉的學生證。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA9D41zmwhg
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2HPk2ePqQJ
阿強建議取走內裡金錢和學生證，再將銀包交到校務處。我反對，擔心惹禍上身。阿強問我是否討厭許家偉。我無正面回應，僅是堅持物歸原主。阿強讓步，將銀包遞給我。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfZj6goc95o
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6B7eQeEoNy
我急步追趕許家偉。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTkAkMqTi9e
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaEWUOJkpZq
不明白自己此刻行為。正如阿強所問，我不是討厭許家偉嗎？人前，我一直表達對許家偉的討厭；人後，我曾多次理性分析過自己有沒有討厭他的實質理由。沒有，尤其在我對心儀對象忘情以後。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJwE6FkLnYo
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxsyuysKsiy
奈何留意許家偉經已成為我的習慣。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCzc3nt6bJM
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8M16B5j8QI
遠遠看見他的身影，我自然而然打起十二分精神；聽到心儀對象與好友聊天時提及許家偉，我對他的好奇大於對心儀對象的；走經中五級壁報板，會不經意試找許家偉的名字……443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEgGTfYWW5c
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkPNePTgrEp
「你遺下了銀包。」443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy8gFCU7U6a
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyVVqdVgtj8
「謝謝。」443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaQ7pisYupd
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb7uzOVYffg
「不用客氣……」443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLV6ANxcONO
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuwpJOzVAyD
經已物歸原主。他道謝，我虛應，然後該是沒有然後。但我們還是愣在原地。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtXQSgxoGWP
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5EhsMyxmw6
該要說甚麼？還需要說甚麼？沒有啊！但我們還是原地愣著。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFnJ0vtvB5s
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJI9WExds5O
他是否一早知道我？他是否早已察覺我在留意他？不會吧……443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK5PDV0v50H
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3BpBcnpRLV
我望入他雙眼。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ1BtjazKkr
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf12HlR0I2y
不。我鐵定他不認識我。他的眼神迷惘疑惑忐忑，似乎在期待甚麼……443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKAt8WzQsmq
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtxogd5FDgY
一名校工在我和許家偉之間走過。我在視線被阻擋當刻回過神來，低頭轉身離開。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjP9byQXYYY
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr7P94UkcEN
我回到操場側長椅。阿強仍在，問我有否教訓許家偉一頓。我苦笑罵他發神經。阿強收起笑容，認真勸我別壓抑情緒。我說理解許家偉是無辜的，不會繼續討厭他。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEigTGzdjqK
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwBWXzFETJM
上課鈴聲響起，學生魚貫回課室去。人群中，我在五樓走廊與許家偉迎個正著。他驚訝之情洋溢於表。我反倒開懷笑了，笑他遲鈍，後知後覺。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Ls3BkGLeG
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL7P6VvcQLf
許家偉臉紅，禮貌地點點頭，上前自我介紹。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ626aqXL0Db
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSiyT2qrp5p
「我是文班許家偉。」443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXcD8vs88Xd
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOCjRkFVHwl
「我是理班李浩榮。」443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡimIpT9I9er
畢業多年，我跟李浩榮從未聯絡過——當我這麼講，舊生聚會上人人皆表出乎意料：「你們當年那麼要好，竟然未曾聯絡一次？」443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9TJCdHeoSc
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJtYoznVxkn
我笑笑點頭，不多解釋。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4U8q5tZt6T
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1DFG1wevPI
畢業禮當晚，他告訴我，他的心儀對象喜歡我。我問他那女生是誰，我可以當面拒絕她。他說不必，因為他已不愛他。我感到奇怪：如已釋懷，為何重提。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Mt7IDmo4X
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfewO5a0cOE
李浩榮笑笑，笑說他已覺悟，明白人的真正作用。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjx4RqwyHUj
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCzsEKh8olP
聽到這莫名其妙的答案，我就知道他醉了——他喝下很多酒。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOAFT2ZVzGT
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDLFURJnk7b
他說人的真正作用就是將另外兩個不相識的人串連在一起，或是把深交的兩個人分開，例如那女生無意間將我帶到他的人生當中，而我又無意間成為他和青梅竹馬鬧翻原因。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiUh4w3IFDi
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJEZAEgyDtk
我大概聽出話裡的話。有點難過，有點無奈，有點害怕——害怕今晚坦白心聲以後，我和李浩榮再無交集。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjYYJP5Mic9
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq9zapzrEc5
但我沒有阻止他。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsY7eeiZrrh
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN8z1fOs8g2
他壓抑已久，情感需要釋放。這很可能是我以朋友身份給他的最後禮物。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4pONyKIhOz
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxCpurxTFFz
我慫恿他繼續說下去。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwJsVp8anDG
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7RM3pWTxEP
他跟阿強相識於幼稚園。他倆都是頑皮孩子，經常氣得老師向父母投訴，父母夜裡就來一頓痛打。他們經常看到對方手腫腳瘀，起初會擔心對方身體，後來發現彼此不怕捱打，只怕玩得不痛快。相顧輕笑，再玩再捱打……玩著捱著，二人同甘共苦十四年，彼此之間有一種難以言喻的默契——只有阿強看出他非但未曾討厭我，反倒羨慕我的不起眼。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Yq03qLL1E
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRVfRUlvEYG
我好奇李浩榮何解會羨慕不起眼的人。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKdfbl81R1I
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRUt3SBET3I
「不被注意、不被期望，方能活得自由稱心。」443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAu29O5qba2
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlgXvLeIQcP
我問他是否有煩惱，可以向我傾訴，也許我能想出好辦法。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1CI0QPJ2XG
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOjIr0lTq9v
李浩榮報以苦笑，沒有正面回答。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvT9wwjdfHE
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs2mJgZ3rI7
那夜，他喝得爛醉，我送他回家。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0X1T7XKOMq
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdxa54PG32z
伯母應門。是個凶神惡煞的中年婦，語調急促，不帶尾音。她接過李浩榮，留下一句道謝，利落關門。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX6PxV7Bsrc
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYJ803R23go
門關。心頭若有所失——感覺永遠不會再見到李浩榮。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTFrwV7JKAP
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXq3GTS4DBA
其實沒甚麼大不了。這是人生必經的離合過程。不會令我受到任何傷害，亦不會令我蒙受任何損失。著實沒甚麼大不了。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwfoaHJs4vU
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMLmrifRJAm
但我掛念他。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5X4OQPajAR
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtVx4Uw0ybI
不是偶然想起，不是遇上麻煩、需要向他求助，不是看見眼熟物件進而聯想。沒錯，是真正的掛念——我無法自欺。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEFhnBaYGzb
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWPVdKSu44A
想起他，我不期然會笑；想起他，我感覺窩心；想起他，我會自覺孤單可憐。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ2TolDY9sA
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf8LaBjGaro
我漸漸意識到這是甚麼一回事。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP69u2o9Xyh
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQzzsXzegPx
糟糕了！怎麼辦？怎麼辦！不知道。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7zXvdUBLDt
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi4vqZCSogf
不要說。不要聽。不要見。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVyFQZ46BEt
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvPhtJoUhew
希望時間會沖淡一切。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5BDSonZNiX
依稀記得畢業翌日在自家客廳梳化醒來的畫面。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI6x7PcODmZ
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfnQNqjjSMT
首先映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。眼睛無法於短時間內適應，煞是暈眩，有一股酸餿灼熱自胸腔冒升。想吐。沒法吐。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCidvUEqjAy
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBYsdIbHLWS
阿媽沒有理會我，背對我在廚房煲湯。她對著湯煲說：「昨晚是他送你回來。」443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyZmnErBdbt
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1N0Jl8Slcd
我敵不過暈眩與劇烈頭痛，重新軟癱梳化上。沒回話打算，反正阿媽定會繼續說下去。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrDl5mPS7T4
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg8qyGyIakK
「我不明白你為何喜歡他。」443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmvZRqyogYI
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKg6WV8bawx
「我也不明白。」443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyieVEO5RIp
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡry1EOUkHti
「那就不要繼續喜歡。」443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIzZsfl3Bcm
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMuZgvIBHIM
「感覺，並非可以自由控制的。」443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF7gWJolWS4
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0MMJVSHd02
「我亦無法自由控制我的兒子喜歡誰。」443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzB9mAhdGSu
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv9dbbT5ctE
「我也無法自由選擇誰是我的母親。」443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTb6aNNDIvK
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZOskWDeKcQ
「真抱歉——未得你同意就把你生下來。」443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQZZcr3U8WS
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQfLCC7X9Xs
「你該要對我感到抱歉。」443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa4NXRPY8dP
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHeGZJJBUvi
我晦氣，毫不掩飾對她的討厭。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2w8Org8weh
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9oCfTCEQkg
阿媽沒再多話，繼續在廚房忙著。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0YqRSrbZco
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLUUotpWrjj
真要命。人生就是那麼多無謂紛擾。我的人生屬於我，為何旁人總愛插手？443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNSR1yl6p9h
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt8Yx9BWCIX
抵著頭痛，我硬撐起身子小便去。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnzJ84XIAM5
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXvYPdyKbki
在抽氣扇綿延不斷的摩打聲襯托下，小便聲清脆得噁心。噁感令我清醒不少，昨晚回憶開始隱約浮現。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8vHVdP8uH1
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFf0lqOqFFY
我似乎講過一些不該出口的話。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsv3uOm1bqU
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrHlej24biJ
真的嗎？我真的把話說出口？443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBZ4UNIjxE6
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Klu7Kibs1
為何這麼驚訝？阿強醉倒後，我特意喝下更多酒，不就是為了把話講出口嗎？443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm1ch5aj5kP
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8LQzW0Qrue
便意盡，醉意消，騰出來的腦空間被後悔和自責分佔了。我呆上半晌才提起褲子洗手去。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwPJ8GZh5oK
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEXAKC7BLsb
為何要走到這一步？443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzvcslbtPPa
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡydAqKN4khO
阿強早已看出我對許家偉的感情，擔心我走上「歪路」。我有點兒生氣——誰有資格定義這是否歪路。阿強自知沒能說服我，乾脆將觀察所得告訴我媽。性格暴躁的阿媽一反常態，冷靜淡然勸我切勿繼續投放感情。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcfs1GmV8Ln
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMQGgxVnXpy
「世人表裡不一。口說開明，實質守舊。」443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ31IYw8rjx
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7dctgFbxYM
「是嗎？你呢？你口說放棄，心底裡在支持我吧？」443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCJCkc86OUL
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTAWbr9Swml
「別倔強。」443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx9eWKCSDg8
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNQRvSmcpef
「我想要知道你的真正想法！別敷衍！別蒙混！」443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyAnltpmcEm
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTScrklaHC5
「我想你放棄。」443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPG8vQafqmn
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5sHe9rsQvf
「原因？」443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSS8Tg5yJS3
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡywyc8lPoj4
「現實終歸是現實的。你將要面對的困難並非單靠信念、希望和愛情就可以解決。」443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrc2k4GHsiN
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡElgyuX45Ve
「我知道。」443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmG8BD94fWU
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6uLZThh4Rx
「何解還要繼續下去？」443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7hRFYTIVQ4
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMBeuc2aFwt
「感情易放難收。」443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2aqLXQVp0S
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPWgC0IvgzY
阿媽沒法回嘴——「感情」一詞明確否定了邏輯和理智，她還有何話可說，只得被動地待我回心轉意。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHBNHpcASVl
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5AarWaFYKX
傍晚，我約見阿強，在公園暗處與他打一架。我們手腫腳瘀，有如兒時被父母教訓一樣。看著彼此頹喪模樣，我既心痛亦生氣——我們的友誼不該淪落至此！我們該可以當一輩子兄弟手足！443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0OaE5CkNFI
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxlQayemQAc
架後，我沒有留下片言隻字，待身體稍稍恢復後首先離開回家去，懶理阿強依然躺在草地上粗喘不已。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMbw3WPCbNQ
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGBUSDlvdi3
阿媽見我身上有傷，許是大概明白那是甚麼一回事，沒有多問，亦不予關心。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRqWJzqoDJ1
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvG5X2BQTmJ
我不在意，一心思考如何在畢業禮當晚向許家偉表白……443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKjTPIFHFvK
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdW2j1uFHrK
畢業禮，是終結也是新開始。學生們穿戴整齊，戰戰兢兢上台領受證書。莘莘學子前途未卜，能夠掌握在手的只有當下。今朝有酒今朝醉，齊齊喝酒齊齊醉。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUStPwsefjX
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG8vzXbhdzh
阿強取來一支烈酒，邀我對飲：「追求真愛不是那麼容易。至少要比我更能喝。」443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH4rIsPHZfg
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ29Pj6KWfAo
我欣然接受。他很了解我，許是估計到我將會乘著酒意找許家偉表白去。我唯一擺脫阿強的方法就是先把他灌醉。我們都不是省油的燈，自小經常一起偷偷喝酒，十分清楚對方酒量和醉態——一旦倒下，沒有廿四小時可醒不過來。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtOZLY7J84X
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXI9KznIloj
小醉。半醉。大醉。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNx7hYSi63O
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTDu4RMkG9O
阿強半伏枱邊，傻笑問我：「想好如何表白了沒？」443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaWZyQur1HQ
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdsLQP8Pe9G
「直接講我愛他。」443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpd8O3Bl5Ls
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeVqm05RDoJ
「如果他拒絕？」443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2WAfn5t8CZ
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8vxx2UtW9O
「沒怎麼樣。就像我之前被女同學拒絕那樣。」443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyfygEmdpwp
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPV46bEyL1I
「如果他接受了？那怎麼辦？」443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe0OwqCZKY9
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJDJvyShzQr
「我當然是高興！」443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4u40gEE0FH
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFlPsTe2lCy
「我在問，他會怎麼辦？你認為他的內心強大得能夠與你共同面對往後一切？」443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGDZoK6VJJX
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1SHj3hI5Bd
阿強問了一個我沒有想及的問題。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmNGxR7ZdAZ
事隔四十年，我和李浩榮在阿強的喪禮上再次聚頭。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7SAGLsFvAl
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzjpJY2KpRT
李浩榮說他在畢業禮後與阿強斷絕了聯絡。我為此道歉。他問我為何道歉。我重提他酒後那段說話。他反問我是否真的認為過錯在我。我答不肯定——我無心令他們鬧翻，但我確是他們鬧翻的原因。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0NaL5JNV4I
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi3hDtChGGs
李浩榮苦笑，笑容意味深長。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGe9N3bSf5s
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDzeNZlC7Az
「阿強沒講錯。你真懦弱。」443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYO4dYfhjwH
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡue1tvrV04r
「活了那麼多年，經歷那麼多事情，我不得不承認自己的懦弱。」443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlRkmSG3gCw
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfjHREvgejT
「你仍然單身？」443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkM1UUlTfEz
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeEwI4HetMo
「是的。」443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrqgIE1HHge
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV3vK7jTdKa
「要我當媒嗎？」443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKQ6XnbKOcC
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnTsW35vJWL
「不了。難為情。」443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuvqL3mhM83
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFUJBfXS2Wk
李浩榮失笑，笑我不值得被愛。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡImtnkVwU3l
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl9cKlSilC2
我陪笑，笑說我懂得珍愛自己就可以。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVdj3sHaxP6
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRfjVSk4A8M
多寒暄幾句，我和李浩榮相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCABujTpN0P
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpGysKYaJXS
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzsSCIaoIx0
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf4dHnAKaqN
回家吧。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Gu5SgV6qW
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEFee4zbzs2
開門。門後空洞空虛空蕩蕩。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZHYRi8553G
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE9uGrsg7jY
「戚戚慘慘悽悽，清清冷冷，覓覓尋尋。」興之所至，我一邊脫鞋，一邊倒背《聲聲慢》首三句。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqOKA3Rwpnb
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ30pMhE9UOk
「尋他千百度，驀然回首，那人卻在燈火闌珊處。」沒有脫襪，懶洋洋得撲到梳化上，順口接上《青玉案．元夕》末句。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvnChXIJ9Jg
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvaK3rcxuW9
枕臂望窗，映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。驀地憶起日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗，憶起他的臉容氣質，憶起那抹笑容。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXAFhtJtvuT
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvt6YjRM8vr
大概是一見鍾情吧。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3aS61391Un
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRmHehogrzq
奈何我當年愚鈍懵懂，後知後覺。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxdg6cm4U7j
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXwIOFglxX2
如果我當年及早清楚知道自己的意向，結果會否不一樣？443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY65ZxcIZDk
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCZ2HRmixaj
我笑自己想多了：結果會是一樣的。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXoWK8WRmka
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm8ntvMRqOP
我是懦弱的人，我珍愛自己，所以我不會為他人冒險。我寧願花上一輩子去幻想錯過了的美好愛情，亦不會勇敢踏前一步去追求愛情。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5iSdImfVd9
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbNHpO12ZHD
李浩榮說得沒錯，我不值得被愛。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCxTc9yS4Ev
事隔四十年，昔日摯友躺在棺材裡，往日心上人站在我面前。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcgiDLIKgOC
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡao0hdcXT46
百感交集……443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMPUQIF3zbk
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ37upcu3El1
當年我為了許家偉與阿強鬧翻，事後亦沒敢聯絡許家偉。同時失去摯友和心上人，情感上的痛令我失眠了好幾年。那時候，還以為痛楚會一直維持下去，有如浪漫淒美感人的愛情電影情節。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdjssqsZlgI
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXlQQKVVuAn
不過電影終究與現實不同：角色的難忘遭遇濃縮在短短一個半小時裡，情感故此顯得激烈而深刻；現實中的情感必須經過時間洗禮和加入許多愛情以外因素，例如家庭、工作、健康、個人財政等等。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsmQfMo8p7t
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3ctsu6x9Nf
痛楚自然而然被淡化掉。我漸漸忘了阿強的忠肝義膽和許家偉的獨特魅力，直至今日再聚……443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡojRTVQrvza
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY9uxz2nrmS
「認得我嗎？我是許家偉。」443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4DpOIy7cd4
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0OBy1ThRdX
「認得。你是文班的。」443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLuomzkxhEf
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWh04LtmN7t
許家偉淺笑，笑容如昔，淡然清雅溫婉。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3rj2KhGJMp
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjIAkPofRhQ
閒聊之間，發現他仍然單身。究其原因，他只道難為情。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgKA6uabZEC
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ6c0ltyXMH
「你不值得被愛。」我蔑笑。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf6Zks91gqq
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1SfUXGoLIq
四十年過去，許家偉仍是當初那個許家偉。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGRuyb08Hu4
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSd3MLQT1tF
阿強沒講錯——他的內心不會強大得能夠與我共同面對一切。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEuC041brHB
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYtGUAI4ot1
「我懂得珍愛自己就可以。」許家偉笑著說。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1k0Pl7dk2V
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTs7dFKapR0
許家偉在認真？他真心認為這是珍愛自己的行徑？443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqNApUYo2jw
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp4Kq0kk7x1
我哭笑不得。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu4boOZ86bn
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQU3x9pKkX3
無意跟他繼續對話。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtVp1hF4z0C
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRJediPBN4o
多寒暄幾句，我和許家偉相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8uz1yxkDNN
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8skUabMnnc
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。
