x
午餐用膳後，男生們大多會將多餘時間花在學校操場，或場上打籃球，或場外觀賽。我亦不例外，在場邊與同學輕聲討論打球技巧。忘形之際，一個籃球高速自後側飛來，狠狠砸中我右耳耳背。場中男生上前向我連聲道歉，我只道不要緊。男生拾球後繼續回場較勁，沒把事情放心上。當然，我也沒所謂，小事一椿。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4oEUjbnsiW
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZHDd21zvNu
令我在意的反倒是球場另邊有個陌生男生對我微笑。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJyCgEAvGnB
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVZJdOD2RCu
匆匆一笑，半秒即逝。他轉頭跟身邊友人繼續說說笑笑。我挺肯定自己想多了——對方不是故意對著我笑，僅是他的站立姿勢及面向角度湊巧朝著我這邊來。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡglkRFSDAi5
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfyskjgghSb
但我還是記住了那抹笑容，記住了他的臉容氣質，記住日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ3s7Q9Fo2l
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt2jKCh6o32
為何記住？我解釋不了。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfTLbKhmmVc
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsSA56Jeilb
好幾個月過去，夏天轉換為冬。颯颯寒風成功減少場邊女生數目，男生仍然在此閒聊逛蕩。同行朋友忽爾興起，動身到場裡打球。我笑笑婉拒，說吃飽想睡不想動。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLwWAK4KsHz
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5CdNp0KmHc
我獨坐長椅一邊，納悶之際，兩個男生前來佔坐長椅另端空位。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbK8xRCFXOZ
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG0BmWiNZJZ
其中一個是他。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwYxaVQIKHB
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTAAGvISIVd
那笑那臉那明暗，歷歷在目。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiIhVtwcIqv
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡekOVx8nEJr
心頭一顫，我馬上別過臉去。數秒後，我稍為冷靜，意識到自己的失態，佯裝無異，繼續觀看球賽。不過他似乎察覺我的異樣，有意無意對我展露笑容——一個意味深長的笑容。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLHWIN5PpzO
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7H5Tg6BiMK
我尷尬離座回課室去。走樓梯至三樓時，他竟從後叫住我。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzg8HscXk0g
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3ZSwWKvIvC
「你遺下銀包。」489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAC3LlxSY6T
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcCR6mVAUgV
「謝謝。」489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgaviLLcd1h
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLs5Z06Lti3
「不用客氣……」489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtyfy8KwpSr
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbUmeuzcYzh
奇怪。看他忸怩模樣，他似乎還有話要對我說。說甚麼？不是必須相識的陌生人可以如何打開話題？甚或是「為何要展開話題」？489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpr8qH8vtut
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBcJrD63Lrm
氣氛尷尬，四目交投，卻不知如何是好。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDEE3L50yq5
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM2DyLzfYKN
直至提著半滿水桶和微濕地拖的校工在我倆之間經過，彼此才回過神來，甚有默契同時分別從兩個方向離開。我往上，他往下。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYSe3ne3pVH
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJSbHk9dxec
誰料在午飯時間完結後，我們還是在五樓走廊再次碰面——原來我們都是中五生。由於班別不同、社交圈子不重疊，所以未曾正式認識。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNgGPf8a8BE
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOESpp3pH0R
不要緊。現在互相自我介紹就可以。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsESjNcFINT
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhkZU8EfhLj
「我是文班許家偉。」489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ79rsHjkwBp
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZBztUwE2kf
「我是理班李浩榮。」489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj1DyrUc2Lj
其實我早已知道許家偉。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡolyj9mxIAh
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Sxj9ZzTqC
我心儀對象就是喜歡許家偉。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn8njpmaDMY
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfrribIZ2vF
被拒絕的心情久久不散。我開始留意許家偉這個人。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr7hYHhRwKW
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr8c0wGRYcP
拜託阿強向文班生打探有關許家偉的事。某文班生說許家偉無啥特別，亦無專長或短處，是個存在感不強的乖學生。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhYWF9kZVe1
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ17AsZmIWfc
我不明所以——為何心儀對象看上他？489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡizc4IH6UQD
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEyEvyJLOJN
不是認為心儀對象定要接受我或是對方必須比我優勝，只是我真的找不到許家偉有何可愛之處。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEKfTGxqqrX
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwH1LRI9SYM
不服氣。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ597K2JP3EZ
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVBZOLYPQHl
繼續觀察他。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAGSW9NxnSn
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCznRo9JiwA
匆匆數月，秋去冬來，我對許家偉好奇不減。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡICSPBCP9z3
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMyUh8LKGcX
某天午餐後，我和阿強發現許家偉獨坐操場長椅，於是立即齊齊上前佔據長椅另端，近距離觀察他。他似乎發現我們的奇異目光，動身離開。正感沒趣，阿強發現地上有一個銀包。查看內裡，看見許家偉的學生證。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSjo5bANaDy
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcsXUzkP9MC
阿強建議取走內裡金錢和學生證，再將銀包交到校務處。我反對，擔心惹禍上身。阿強問我是否討厭許家偉。我無正面回應，僅是堅持物歸原主。阿強讓步，將銀包遞給我。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoI8kY8wQ9x
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9aiEuujshl
我急步追趕許家偉。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHVtha0FgSW
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHPGXnr3tt2
不明白自己此刻行為。正如阿強所問，我不是討厭許家偉嗎？人前，我一直表達對許家偉的討厭；人後，我曾多次理性分析過自己有沒有討厭他的實質理由。沒有，尤其在我對心儀對象忘情以後。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb2pvqi0Net
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9M6uhncgpZ
奈何留意許家偉經已成為我的習慣。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLlXO4K7YgJ
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr2BnwllDBy
遠遠看見他的身影，我自然而然打起十二分精神；聽到心儀對象與好友聊天時提及許家偉，我對他的好奇大於對心儀對象的；走經中五級壁報板，會不經意試找許家偉的名字……489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHV7zjgwDfP
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkfOLEy4v0B
「你遺下了銀包。」489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ5sYTCkF7u
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsMBczgq2G3
「謝謝。」489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwQ0B3kLhIs
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXuQRcz8qsy
「不用客氣……」489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9neJyYJbv3
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYczGtBuvpk
經已物歸原主。他道謝，我虛應，然後該是沒有然後。但我們還是愣在原地。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDxap6oQNMk
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQJCUrNzStn
該要說甚麼？還需要說甚麼？沒有啊！但我們還是原地愣著。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHYuaXG5co4
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5NtAx8qWxV
他是否一早知道我？他是否早已察覺我在留意他？不會吧……489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHlAzAl72bV
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbfqgQX3VCx
我望入他雙眼。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡng0Uqw4uhY
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZJObkxja8K
不。我鐵定他不認識我。他的眼神迷惘疑惑忐忑，似乎在期待甚麼……489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Jk4wMZ8ll
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcoTMt7uPHA
一名校工在我和許家偉之間走過。我在視線被阻擋當刻回過神來，低頭轉身離開。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6VnNXD969R
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡErCZC6SXKm
我回到操場側長椅。阿強仍在，問我有否教訓許家偉一頓。我苦笑罵他發神經。阿強收起笑容，認真勸我別壓抑情緒。我說理解許家偉是無辜的，不會繼續討厭他。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYSPTDpkHdF
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkF54MFpHUc
上課鈴聲響起，學生魚貫回課室去。人群中，我在五樓走廊與許家偉迎個正著。他驚訝之情洋溢於表。我反倒開懷笑了，笑他遲鈍，後知後覺。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8G8sOEH7nK
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrWPU7InENy
許家偉臉紅，禮貌地點點頭，上前自我介紹。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO1R5bWwZCt
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡipLrd2n8wG
「我是文班許家偉。」489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfToUzeW78B
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeJCVYguLjo
「我是理班李浩榮。」489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtTg4C9RDus
畢業多年，我跟李浩榮從未聯絡過——當我這麼講，舊生聚會上人人皆表出乎意料：「你們當年那麼要好，竟然未曾聯絡一次？」489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQe62bLAJFd
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7E6BXXtotE
我笑笑點頭，不多解釋。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy3Fj29QM2r
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9CjaVNqkY1
畢業禮當晚，他告訴我，他的心儀對象喜歡我。我問他那女生是誰，我可以當面拒絕她。他說不必，因為他已不愛他。我感到奇怪：如已釋懷，為何重提。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVnG3QV3PID
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6WhX0wWkVD
李浩榮笑笑，笑說他已覺悟，明白人的真正作用。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7LSLCY6RzC
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsvj28gsg1l
聽到這莫名其妙的答案，我就知道他醉了——他喝下很多酒。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY99Jbjz06q
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTTFdEwUTVM
他說人的真正作用就是將另外兩個不相識的人串連在一起，或是把深交的兩個人分開，例如那女生無意間將我帶到他的人生當中，而我又無意間成為他和青梅竹馬鬧翻原因。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkYFxQnJuHO
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUzSr8sqdZR
我大概聽出話裡的話。有點難過，有點無奈，有點害怕——害怕今晚坦白心聲以後，我和李浩榮再無交集。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiCPNoKjbLK
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqLDlxa5QTc
但我沒有阻止他。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1CSvLpAdlU
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdkL3MNGtyh
他壓抑已久，情感需要釋放。這很可能是我以朋友身份給他的最後禮物。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSPYaHiMDyc
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTALI1lGQeM
我慫恿他繼續說下去。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo7hhePafmZ
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwJBdtuogPg
他跟阿強相識於幼稚園。他倆都是頑皮孩子，經常氣得老師向父母投訴，父母夜裡就來一頓痛打。他們經常看到對方手腫腳瘀，起初會擔心對方身體，後來發現彼此不怕捱打，只怕玩得不痛快。相顧輕笑，再玩再捱打……玩著捱著，二人同甘共苦十四年，彼此之間有一種難以言喻的默契——只有阿強看出他非但未曾討厭我，反倒羨慕我的不起眼。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj4eOswnJCi
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ68bs3Z1OPH
我好奇李浩榮何解會羨慕不起眼的人。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDSoOosAaJm
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQMUu3dVphX
「不被注意、不被期望，方能活得自由稱心。」489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Y6WfBHaMB
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJti8ckj3Jz
我問他是否有煩惱，可以向我傾訴，也許我能想出好辦法。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlhQOUHzxcL
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD3AR3OOtbd
李浩榮報以苦笑，沒有正面回答。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFaIP5p5J9i
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdLuzy27FL9
那夜，他喝得爛醉，我送他回家。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh6rLpMM2zQ
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI745YAJjHK
伯母應門。是個凶神惡煞的中年婦，語調急促，不帶尾音。她接過李浩榮，留下一句道謝，利落關門。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa4RNzWE5Ey
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOY7rVMxIFB
門關。心頭若有所失——感覺永遠不會再見到李浩榮。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOJjBjRnJcc
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYngXcDJHKa
其實沒甚麼大不了。這是人生必經的離合過程。不會令我受到任何傷害，亦不會令我蒙受任何損失。著實沒甚麼大不了。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmA4Qm1crkb
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7ceGuqRGDJ
但我掛念他。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwZkXuGEgLy
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcI1EBk5osl
不是偶然想起，不是遇上麻煩、需要向他求助，不是看見眼熟物件進而聯想。沒錯，是真正的掛念——我無法自欺。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLKlOFROM5v
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2PrI7nydS4
想起他，我不期然會笑；想起他，我感覺窩心；想起他，我會自覺孤單可憐。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBUrIzYH6gx
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUlxFGD4Dsp
我漸漸意識到這是甚麼一回事。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz3CUSpo90m
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5prTPATqbG
糟糕了！怎麼辦？怎麼辦！不知道。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmjQYTGtwhW
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz1Jl1HFMCg
不要說。不要聽。不要見。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdnQb5kMPmB
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEswPpbm5Nr
希望時間會沖淡一切。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ15Q604wo3F
依稀記得畢業翌日在自家客廳梳化醒來的畫面。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRZyk76r0Gm
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuJjJ6REuf5
首先映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。眼睛無法於短時間內適應，煞是暈眩，有一股酸餿灼熱自胸腔冒升。想吐。沒法吐。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSJOCKkzMK9
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPWjRk5aiN6
阿媽沒有理會我，背對我在廚房煲湯。她對著湯煲說：「昨晚是他送你回來。」489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm25KdcNuok
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS0qshkhIqq
我敵不過暈眩與劇烈頭痛，重新軟癱梳化上。沒回話打算，反正阿媽定會繼續說下去。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Tlm7pcO8I
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVuXSWG8CSh
「我不明白你為何喜歡他。」489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR5UlN2nn7V
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEjQqpTm5zD
「我也不明白。」489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlpdCnBIpAe
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLt6LuCLMiH
「那就不要繼續喜歡。」489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy1rZdaDDiN
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwtXQl7pzAs
「感覺，並非可以自由控制的。」489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNU2IF6d51k
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL8Aenf6eLU
「我亦無法自由控制我的兒子喜歡誰。」489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhv3YZ9srpa
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWqwLyoLzON
「我也無法自由選擇誰是我的母親。」489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDa6jEBTZbE
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOVXg7SfpHL
「真抱歉——未得你同意就把你生下來。」489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmjmRZzWOSu
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAxWmuv7V3l
「你該要對我感到抱歉。」489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPB0ihPHvBS
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5VtZ8euxR5
我晦氣，毫不掩飾對她的討厭。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7W3feihkqJ
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwKd5nW5Oeo
阿媽沒再多話，繼續在廚房忙著。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ532iN7e7pL
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡutL6nfKPNS
真要命。人生就是那麼多無謂紛擾。我的人生屬於我，為何旁人總愛插手？489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4FPYjBV1lm
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ83AfMVEFFc
抵著頭痛，我硬撐起身子小便去。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJFoaYwR0fa
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7afIWjQYyl
在抽氣扇綿延不斷的摩打聲襯托下，小便聲清脆得噁心。噁感令我清醒不少，昨晚回憶開始隱約浮現。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhFaX14dkvm
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpcnpTGWzsR
我似乎講過一些不該出口的話。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwtCo4BpvFH
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwSXo21I9BG
真的嗎？我真的把話說出口？489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAFMyNlbNEH
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrK2BrAuCJC
為何這麼驚訝？阿強醉倒後，我特意喝下更多酒，不就是為了把話講出口嗎？489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKBcvrbuz68
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQjzpntrMzS
便意盡，醉意消，騰出來的腦空間被後悔和自責分佔了。我呆上半晌才提起褲子洗手去。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkyNdtfjXpk
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU4FvX0Wtv7
為何要走到這一步？489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmcCf1KsIJU
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgtQ6vJGx92
阿強早已看出我對許家偉的感情，擔心我走上「歪路」。我有點兒生氣——誰有資格定義這是否歪路。阿強自知沒能說服我，乾脆將觀察所得告訴我媽。性格暴躁的阿媽一反常態，冷靜淡然勸我切勿繼續投放感情。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoHwCCCsYGj
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcu4gD4j2sz
「世人表裡不一。口說開明，實質守舊。」489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgWSsjCobDm
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfWTVZJeWxz
「是嗎？你呢？你口說放棄，心底裡在支持我吧？」489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHvOwJzMexJ
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdOxrtmAEHS
「別倔強。」489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHCCacjmayj
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9fzYdN13D8
「我想要知道你的真正想法！別敷衍！別蒙混！」489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXvey2wnJXQ
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl238wOh8qX
「我想你放棄。」489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ58to3WOddp
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVnNEF6IOOm
「原因？」489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsRLuPunCkY
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡykxLRFwupF
「現實終歸是現實的。你將要面對的困難並非單靠信念、希望和愛情就可以解決。」489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1M35qBA4CA
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvHiHn1wW6i
「我知道。」489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3O8PP8SFIg
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyj8ccLa28f
「何解還要繼續下去？」489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwNbwR1MxyT
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEmZx5sfE8L
「感情易放難收。」489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8oRlZPDcuS
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoplxXRg5db
阿媽沒法回嘴——「感情」一詞明確否定了邏輯和理智，她還有何話可說，只得被動地待我回心轉意。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuVqTaaBuOv
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOKKRF0h2vN
傍晚，我約見阿強，在公園暗處與他打一架。我們手腫腳瘀，有如兒時被父母教訓一樣。看著彼此頹喪模樣，我既心痛亦生氣——我們的友誼不該淪落至此！我們該可以當一輩子兄弟手足！489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2C8dlIJbF2
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkP7qBpKuAw
架後，我沒有留下片言隻字，待身體稍稍恢復後首先離開回家去，懶理阿強依然躺在草地上粗喘不已。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqTsbuGC8Sg
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg9m6q491ON
阿媽見我身上有傷，許是大概明白那是甚麼一回事，沒有多問，亦不予關心。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGDLFYSoWUH
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0pO3CVpcrU
我不在意，一心思考如何在畢業禮當晚向許家偉表白……489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi0sLqvjb77
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ88IFMC2ueT
畢業禮，是終結也是新開始。學生們穿戴整齊，戰戰兢兢上台領受證書。莘莘學子前途未卜，能夠掌握在手的只有當下。今朝有酒今朝醉，齊齊喝酒齊齊醉。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPfURsJLImH
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOZCJSPvgcZ
阿強取來一支烈酒，邀我對飲：「追求真愛不是那麼容易。至少要比我更能喝。」489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1nQlDbd9ZQ
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxS0IcS9H8X
我欣然接受。他很了解我，許是估計到我將會乘著酒意找許家偉表白去。我唯一擺脫阿強的方法就是先把他灌醉。我們都不是省油的燈，自小經常一起偷偷喝酒，十分清楚對方酒量和醉態——一旦倒下，沒有廿四小時可醒不過來。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD04TqfawX8
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhYuXmbaiA2
小醉。半醉。大醉。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwJXSukSjVY
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDTj42NZZu1
阿強半伏枱邊，傻笑問我：「想好如何表白了沒？」489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8HbnvjCqYw
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5IP7cWufDG
「直接講我愛他。」489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡixb4oaWsRw
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSr7WBQPq8Z
「如果他拒絕？」489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYv5UHawuli
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7lHvwIxy7v
「沒怎麼樣。就像我之前被女同學拒絕那樣。」489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXVUbHwXItE
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6QWzH8jola
「如果他接受了？那怎麼辦？」489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi9ztoJVpwK
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8laB8uzRT4
「我當然是高興！」489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUFmcBFioHO
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgtN3TfnbWW
「我在問，他會怎麼辦？你認為他的內心強大得能夠與你共同面對往後一切？」489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcuyiWqOuGp
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnj7kuJZn1z
阿強問了一個我沒有想及的問題。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJapbEEr6i0
事隔四十年，我和李浩榮在阿強的喪禮上再次聚頭。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQh1KStZxHI
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBzibEhksNO
李浩榮說他在畢業禮後與阿強斷絕了聯絡。我為此道歉。他問我為何道歉。我重提他酒後那段說話。他反問我是否真的認為過錯在我。我答不肯定——我無心令他們鬧翻，但我確是他們鬧翻的原因。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡahw87fUc2k
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzYQQsAWGWs
李浩榮苦笑，笑容意味深長。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc3DUv0PJvk
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHsbYePSOd4
「阿強沒講錯。你真懦弱。」489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWh8EOSabmX
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnoi0cDMJjW
「活了那麼多年，經歷那麼多事情，我不得不承認自己的懦弱。」489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN5QltB7OtY
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaAH0JgeajW
「你仍然單身？」489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZS2BT0lgH0
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh9mGFZCPaZ
「是的。」489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEfaN6NKlMw
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLsY6HBPtMg
「要我當媒嗎？」489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYDpPC6UvFu
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQtKhqrUH25
「不了。難為情。」489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiixWDrU7vv
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSEPpuJNThA
李浩榮失笑，笑我不值得被愛。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbW3mEjyqLk
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVZvld9kwul
我陪笑，笑說我懂得珍愛自己就可以。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAb2tnvweNt
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6fPI81mTuT
多寒暄幾句，我和李浩榮相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJLJrZ4qtso
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNZbkMYGmjQ
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Sk9EQMjTU
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWjnpVwBydO
回家吧。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2CtPeM1jpF
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJh7HHfvTZs
開門。門後空洞空虛空蕩蕩。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd224mzvClU
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXnzoZjpwgZ
「戚戚慘慘悽悽，清清冷冷，覓覓尋尋。」興之所至，我一邊脫鞋，一邊倒背《聲聲慢》首三句。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmJwvc1nmlp
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRgZLXWeKLH
「尋他千百度，驀然回首，那人卻在燈火闌珊處。」沒有脫襪，懶洋洋得撲到梳化上，順口接上《青玉案．元夕》末句。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnwQj1PPjWF
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ20pUwXJXLB
枕臂望窗，映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。驀地憶起日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗，憶起他的臉容氣質，憶起那抹笑容。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡehz8Q5w5aV
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwZ2LDtQkI3
大概是一見鍾情吧。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpHRcCBGlUL
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuaSkW5hjAu
奈何我當年愚鈍懵懂，後知後覺。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡACBLAAZdBJ
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNP9eHEziLV
如果我當年及早清楚知道自己的意向，結果會否不一樣？489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5oHg04Ls4e
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEqjwsmAIBe
我笑自己想多了：結果會是一樣的。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Luhm5TcHX
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsBlfA7BAlu
我是懦弱的人，我珍愛自己，所以我不會為他人冒險。我寧願花上一輩子去幻想錯過了的美好愛情，亦不會勇敢踏前一步去追求愛情。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLLyEZWu5mY
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiTF8eTop7s
李浩榮說得沒錯，我不值得被愛。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7SL1onUteU
事隔四十年，昔日摯友躺在棺材裡，往日心上人站在我面前。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqise1pLjWb
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbHXldMnVnc
百感交集……489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCKG6TZC4dG
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgFyI3Sd8pN
當年我為了許家偉與阿強鬧翻，事後亦沒敢聯絡許家偉。同時失去摯友和心上人，情感上的痛令我失眠了好幾年。那時候，還以為痛楚會一直維持下去，有如浪漫淒美感人的愛情電影情節。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJKd0DM03uR
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0MESr1NG47
不過電影終究與現實不同：角色的難忘遭遇濃縮在短短一個半小時裡，情感故此顯得激烈而深刻；現實中的情感必須經過時間洗禮和加入許多愛情以外因素，例如家庭、工作、健康、個人財政等等。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXJwXhukUig
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm4lCiwtaIz
痛楚自然而然被淡化掉。我漸漸忘了阿強的忠肝義膽和許家偉的獨特魅力，直至今日再聚……489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsnSXjYCPdY
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiHZ6pSQUSo
「認得我嗎？我是許家偉。」489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbAR6cZFW2Q
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfzS1rFl8DW
「認得。你是文班的。」489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMs1NVGyvKj
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjj01nEMSfG
許家偉淺笑，笑容如昔，淡然清雅溫婉。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKVEowmuMVJ
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLMwqgV2v7k
閒聊之間，發現他仍然單身。究其原因，他只道難為情。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBIAzO0hLyw
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0cHH9DiT2S
「你不值得被愛。」我蔑笑。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu7mJv5Kbso
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMvVRmuM1R8
四十年過去，許家偉仍是當初那個許家偉。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡISSq8UeNYb
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0gQ7vLOkLz
阿強沒講錯——他的內心不會強大得能夠與我共同面對一切。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD0mb9cmt6c
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg65FzGFEnH
「我懂得珍愛自己就可以。」許家偉笑著說。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡukBnU63jBo
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0t4eCfeUoJ
許家偉在認真？他真心認為這是珍愛自己的行徑？489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA1gNC5L8cC
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ31LjLqmXOj
我哭笑不得。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFn8JK4l7zA
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvaRQPMTAdA
無意跟他繼續對話。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5RkQTKCOce
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc4rkJajKg5
多寒暄幾句，我和許家偉相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ19mxyArGiB
489Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIYFd4ICuDT
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。
