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午餐用膳後，男生們大多會將多餘時間花在學校操場，或場上打籃球，或場外觀賽。我亦不例外，在場邊與同學輕聲討論打球技巧。忘形之際，一個籃球高速自後側飛來，狠狠砸中我右耳耳背。場中男生上前向我連聲道歉，我只道不要緊。男生拾球後繼續回場較勁，沒把事情放心上。當然，我也沒所謂，小事一椿。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYzjNFJQOuw
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM3hPjyV0By
令我在意的反倒是球場另邊有個陌生男生對我微笑。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMzGVqrcjIU
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7mv3XINMBJ
匆匆一笑，半秒即逝。他轉頭跟身邊友人繼續說說笑笑。我挺肯定自己想多了——對方不是故意對著我笑，僅是他的站立姿勢及面向角度湊巧朝著我這邊來。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjaqmh1tL5F
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ82QdSbn9Lz
但我還是記住了那抹笑容，記住了他的臉容氣質，記住日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdkdTLetXNz
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQza2aAuMdQ
為何記住？我解釋不了。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡquOLqBrbGb
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ93QdsvcVCL
好幾個月過去，夏天轉換為冬。颯颯寒風成功減少場邊女生數目，男生仍然在此閒聊逛蕩。同行朋友忽爾興起，動身到場裡打球。我笑笑婉拒，說吃飽想睡不想動。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnuHPENWqjK
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIfVEZp0j4X
我獨坐長椅一邊，納悶之際，兩個男生前來佔坐長椅另端空位。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYNDHJnyQTA
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpuplBeEiR6
其中一個是他。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGzY0Q705gs
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnHMNyaWD4d
那笑那臉那明暗，歷歷在目。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡomlfn6eb9D
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQSSTgpghAg
心頭一顫，我馬上別過臉去。數秒後，我稍為冷靜，意識到自己的失態，佯裝無異，繼續觀看球賽。不過他似乎察覺我的異樣，有意無意對我展露笑容——一個意味深長的笑容。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBGH6EMzCU8
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkp2gCSAWZB
我尷尬離座回課室去。走樓梯至三樓時，他竟從後叫住我。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU3YYwTKU7W
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr7FaXz7RgK
「你遺下銀包。」417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdO46V1U1Kg
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVhAIoJ52jO
「謝謝。」417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd7jReJrJKW
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX8QNECdd8W
「不用客氣……」417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2LxPWMT8jI
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk8BdzmYawT
奇怪。看他忸怩模樣，他似乎還有話要對我說。說甚麼？不是必須相識的陌生人可以如何打開話題？甚或是「為何要展開話題」？417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFCwhRSeK0i
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuELNBegiKg
氣氛尷尬，四目交投，卻不知如何是好。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRbrQi1Lif2
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyXVX4nch1g
直至提著半滿水桶和微濕地拖的校工在我倆之間經過，彼此才回過神來，甚有默契同時分別從兩個方向離開。我往上，他往下。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoaSIpnuA3w
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm5cnSxsJu0
誰料在午飯時間完結後，我們還是在五樓走廊再次碰面——原來我們都是中五生。由於班別不同、社交圈子不重疊，所以未曾正式認識。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhDpgR5i81W
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYrg7LTDirc
不要緊。現在互相自我介紹就可以。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVF0jEIf00K
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsvbnloTi4a
「我是文班許家偉。」417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPWhVSoj3EI
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWx73UI82YZ
「我是理班李浩榮。」417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7s4HELGiCH
其實我早已知道許家偉。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqiT3U0mBN9
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYFyHz2HlT3
我心儀對象就是喜歡許家偉。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB2fOcH6tEv
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqGEwbY37tL
被拒絕的心情久久不散。我開始留意許家偉這個人。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9oOQN6fiSc
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsYkgsxgH89
拜託阿強向文班生打探有關許家偉的事。某文班生說許家偉無啥特別，亦無專長或短處，是個存在感不強的乖學生。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt4b8JShacG
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR4Ec466UkY
我不明所以——為何心儀對象看上他？417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmGeM1VszPM
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwhiWFspR1K
不是認為心儀對象定要接受我或是對方必須比我優勝，只是我真的找不到許家偉有何可愛之處。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ84eoFEGzAh
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVROYow0R49
不服氣。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP9E4rKuK7b
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLQOIl8SMzK
繼續觀察他。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCpqDe51FLF
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv2kg5KcZYy
匆匆數月，秋去冬來，我對許家偉好奇不減。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFqMWjTLvyp
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuQh6XngPQX
某天午餐後，我和阿強發現許家偉獨坐操場長椅，於是立即齊齊上前佔據長椅另端，近距離觀察他。他似乎發現我們的奇異目光，動身離開。正感沒趣，阿強發現地上有一個銀包。查看內裡，看見許家偉的學生證。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxWlNov5cjK
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1P8JIYa5jq
阿強建議取走內裡金錢和學生證，再將銀包交到校務處。我反對，擔心惹禍上身。阿強問我是否討厭許家偉。我無正面回應，僅是堅持物歸原主。阿強讓步，將銀包遞給我。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX9EbcOaKnY
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5JiGqUu2DQ
我急步追趕許家偉。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFXIu9VPLZO
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSE3NunBZ5v
不明白自己此刻行為。正如阿強所問，我不是討厭許家偉嗎？人前，我一直表達對許家偉的討厭；人後，我曾多次理性分析過自己有沒有討厭他的實質理由。沒有，尤其在我對心儀對象忘情以後。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNlNK6YUWWd
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiLzRHDyVAU
奈何留意許家偉經已成為我的習慣。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTaUStsm0Gx
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyQpS7fUoLH
遠遠看見他的身影，我自然而然打起十二分精神；聽到心儀對象與好友聊天時提及許家偉，我對他的好奇大於對心儀對象的；走經中五級壁報板，會不經意試找許家偉的名字……417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡroH6wVIJWo
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8N64PUOSeV
「你遺下了銀包。」417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwcnWQi2npw
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs6za3jgrkv
「謝謝。」417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFoebsKdSUM
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPDVh9bODLp
「不用客氣……」417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYCb8yV8okX
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLlkPSUsfIi
經已物歸原主。他道謝，我虛應，然後該是沒有然後。但我們還是愣在原地。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPjAcG5wlPC
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK8cAAe0PD1
該要說甚麼？還需要說甚麼？沒有啊！但我們還是原地愣著。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxzbwo0WPsh
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiMVYnrfRRx
他是否一早知道我？他是否早已察覺我在留意他？不會吧……417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBcv5XBnMOe
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEdkALQNOth
我望入他雙眼。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFSAz37mwET
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHi7X7iJi4T
不。我鐵定他不認識我。他的眼神迷惘疑惑忐忑，似乎在期待甚麼……417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMrDuY2G95x
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwwobSlRxJG
一名校工在我和許家偉之間走過。我在視線被阻擋當刻回過神來，低頭轉身離開。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxoKHxBOlIh
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXCP6SWoXBR
我回到操場側長椅。阿強仍在，問我有否教訓許家偉一頓。我苦笑罵他發神經。阿強收起笑容，認真勸我別壓抑情緒。我說理解許家偉是無辜的，不會繼續討厭他。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtZiYwCDobK
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡopMlAIamUO
上課鈴聲響起，學生魚貫回課室去。人群中，我在五樓走廊與許家偉迎個正著。他驚訝之情洋溢於表。我反倒開懷笑了，笑他遲鈍，後知後覺。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlFJ8N3Nt6x
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKlThQQx5fH
許家偉臉紅，禮貌地點點頭，上前自我介紹。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ7kvYUIDhq
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3GlKrO6N18
「我是文班許家偉。」417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr3Ov7MpWJa
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz9AkpiqA6V
「我是理班李浩榮。」417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4DTP9c0ugy
畢業多年，我跟李浩榮從未聯絡過——當我這麼講，舊生聚會上人人皆表出乎意料：「你們當年那麼要好，竟然未曾聯絡一次？」417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWMDq3OrFm3
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ41HX5lwUIX
我笑笑點頭，不多解釋。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqIDg5eQLrC
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYQMIIvBANL
畢業禮當晚，他告訴我，他的心儀對象喜歡我。我問他那女生是誰，我可以當面拒絕她。他說不必，因為他已不愛他。我感到奇怪：如已釋懷，為何重提。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE7E5VbBAHj
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7GNha1GwXf
李浩榮笑笑，笑說他已覺悟，明白人的真正作用。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTaHjN526TY
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQHuJCAS1Pc
聽到這莫名其妙的答案，我就知道他醉了——他喝下很多酒。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEk8OoCo2Iu
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6UGopu4Ewo
他說人的真正作用就是將另外兩個不相識的人串連在一起，或是把深交的兩個人分開，例如那女生無意間將我帶到他的人生當中，而我又無意間成為他和青梅竹馬鬧翻原因。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0WnzRHjeqT
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaHF6hnp86X
我大概聽出話裡的話。有點難過，有點無奈，有點害怕——害怕今晚坦白心聲以後，我和李浩榮再無交集。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKAmOmPX5eB
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlzA4e71G8U
但我沒有阻止他。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyr8Y1rSGHz
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Zjzu1W9Hc
他壓抑已久，情感需要釋放。這很可能是我以朋友身份給他的最後禮物。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3amobA0SWP
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ17CKCuMlwl
我慫恿他繼續說下去。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJhyh3aIqiu
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM1QAeFfEyU
他跟阿強相識於幼稚園。他倆都是頑皮孩子，經常氣得老師向父母投訴，父母夜裡就來一頓痛打。他們經常看到對方手腫腳瘀，起初會擔心對方身體，後來發現彼此不怕捱打，只怕玩得不痛快。相顧輕笑，再玩再捱打……玩著捱著，二人同甘共苦十四年，彼此之間有一種難以言喻的默契——只有阿強看出他非但未曾討厭我，反倒羨慕我的不起眼。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwDEPBGFghW
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ZOsOKFL2g
我好奇李浩榮何解會羨慕不起眼的人。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc5JodPr45c
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWdjpA1x9F2
「不被注意、不被期望，方能活得自由稱心。」417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaJLwcygcnP
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLwvhobqdCq
我問他是否有煩惱，可以向我傾訴，也許我能想出好辦法。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4ELmJYShHK
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBziZ1SIp8J
李浩榮報以苦笑，沒有正面回答。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhfWV1dphir
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDEoGBOICSr
那夜，他喝得爛醉，我送他回家。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡshqqyawtKC
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4STvUv0iEM
伯母應門。是個凶神惡煞的中年婦，語調急促，不帶尾音。她接過李浩榮，留下一句道謝，利落關門。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZOWSZ53TNI
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyOsiJGjs57
門關。心頭若有所失——感覺永遠不會再見到李浩榮。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFfbn91IXHg
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWVHdwcS1gq
其實沒甚麼大不了。這是人生必經的離合過程。不會令我受到任何傷害，亦不會令我蒙受任何損失。著實沒甚麼大不了。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡob2yND6O81
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡelcCTJxC1K
但我掛念他。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMLYdGHDp7T
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSxQepKCtH1
不是偶然想起，不是遇上麻煩、需要向他求助，不是看見眼熟物件進而聯想。沒錯，是真正的掛念——我無法自欺。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPQoOvsBh8p
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9zOs89Jzx9
想起他，我不期然會笑；想起他，我感覺窩心；想起他，我會自覺孤單可憐。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjgWYyNkAz2
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6puqMUPs08
我漸漸意識到這是甚麼一回事。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZdTyUy2lxp
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQVSSOKC4sG
糟糕了！怎麼辦？怎麼辦！不知道。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCWqZ5tbmaI
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUmFjWAiFBH
不要說。不要聽。不要見。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHMH7FmVBVc
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlp7ROrOAT1
希望時間會沖淡一切。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ105BVlAp0Z
依稀記得畢業翌日在自家客廳梳化醒來的畫面。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwP5eMj5Ahm
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1JSyUHR2EV
首先映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。眼睛無法於短時間內適應，煞是暈眩，有一股酸餿灼熱自胸腔冒升。想吐。沒法吐。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7bBDGmGpUA
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTXaEPbm8Pq
阿媽沒有理會我，背對我在廚房煲湯。她對著湯煲說：「昨晚是他送你回來。」417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8YScvLbHca
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTrIaZn1mTl
我敵不過暈眩與劇烈頭痛，重新軟癱梳化上。沒回話打算，反正阿媽定會繼續說下去。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpGAJMR6sW5
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwS8QqDMwrk
「我不明白你為何喜歡他。」417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH3pUOCd2gX
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3s5fq67VFk
「我也不明白。」417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWaKjhvgLpI
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf4O9VRifji
「那就不要繼續喜歡。」417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnwU4ObFO5P
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgLj1Mh1Tjw
「感覺，並非可以自由控制的。」417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZh3FFmxujK
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhxjHp1DLRy
「我亦無法自由控制我的兒子喜歡誰。」417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAFn6IRaVOs
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKmEuJb4pL6
「我也無法自由選擇誰是我的母親。」417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCZmyM3Ov6u
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiIEjOOhpdZ
「真抱歉——未得你同意就把你生下來。」417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO4vXsEfTCU
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn7ERMNkc5E
「你該要對我感到抱歉。」417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH3IoTl5OBI
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa0lzas15BK
我晦氣，毫不掩飾對她的討厭。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF2Ew5OQ4bW
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2DebZ8laiI
阿媽沒再多話，繼續在廚房忙著。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Va94LP7FL
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcW10PG5gKM
真要命。人生就是那麼多無謂紛擾。我的人生屬於我，為何旁人總愛插手？417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaWNLskeYvN
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlg8Z6XRXTg
抵著頭痛，我硬撐起身子小便去。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3qNYWvcNk8
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt9yObPkV5X
在抽氣扇綿延不斷的摩打聲襯托下，小便聲清脆得噁心。噁感令我清醒不少，昨晚回憶開始隱約浮現。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlaqw8Vylrv
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEh3n7MUEZO
我似乎講過一些不該出口的話。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPeTfuQw3Z8
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHoIOFP2GMx
真的嗎？我真的把話說出口？417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9osOrXFW0O
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdTEnbkztI9
為何這麼驚訝？阿強醉倒後，我特意喝下更多酒，不就是為了把話講出口嗎？417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl62JCB5Bvm
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmZ9F7wudCn
便意盡，醉意消，騰出來的腦空間被後悔和自責分佔了。我呆上半晌才提起褲子洗手去。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9I4NoCEFPW
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSVngj2gOyx
為何要走到這一步？417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzwY2gK71W1
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBkjUTdjKwJ
阿強早已看出我對許家偉的感情，擔心我走上「歪路」。我有點兒生氣——誰有資格定義這是否歪路。阿強自知沒能說服我，乾脆將觀察所得告訴我媽。性格暴躁的阿媽一反常態，冷靜淡然勸我切勿繼續投放感情。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbiwqsDqXNj
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkSMMwyv69c
「世人表裡不一。口說開明，實質守舊。」417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNowoPrsmu4
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCx5zGoAahb
「是嗎？你呢？你口說放棄，心底裡在支持我吧？」417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrRUWcUaktN
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIhLL0EcjE4
「別倔強。」417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡne6nXK5iBI
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfDDTKSk6Sm
「我想要知道你的真正想法！別敷衍！別蒙混！」417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsssH2n97g6
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡognHm6O4x7
「我想你放棄。」417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2o09aLQX2x
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvAMukZuCuP
「原因？」417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcaTOJqtYLi
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlMj3l2h0Sg
「現實終歸是現實的。你將要面對的困難並非單靠信念、希望和愛情就可以解決。」417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm0gxjK9vjW
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQmLlFE9McD
「我知道。」417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfNAcmJyF9H
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPzDPEXO68t
「何解還要繼續下去？」417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuigErLEtCM
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS6t3d2Hunq
「感情易放難收。」417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNEy2pGe1vG
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Nsn4oi9Zu
阿媽沒法回嘴——「感情」一詞明確否定了邏輯和理智，她還有何話可說，只得被動地待我回心轉意。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4cx6nd5zRL
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtLA6Iwd9GE
傍晚，我約見阿強，在公園暗處與他打一架。我們手腫腳瘀，有如兒時被父母教訓一樣。看著彼此頹喪模樣，我既心痛亦生氣——我們的友誼不該淪落至此！我們該可以當一輩子兄弟手足！417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmjnMr8mVou
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe7jM2FOtBG
架後，我沒有留下片言隻字，待身體稍稍恢復後首先離開回家去，懶理阿強依然躺在草地上粗喘不已。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjHgjn2iHng
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXDueTqX1nq
阿媽見我身上有傷，許是大概明白那是甚麼一回事，沒有多問，亦不予關心。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg4wV5fHzVF
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYscYWOh6rO
我不在意，一心思考如何在畢業禮當晚向許家偉表白……417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu6VKWEwxu9
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy56s6m1ybd
畢業禮，是終結也是新開始。學生們穿戴整齊，戰戰兢兢上台領受證書。莘莘學子前途未卜，能夠掌握在手的只有當下。今朝有酒今朝醉，齊齊喝酒齊齊醉。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY8w4nCNaRg
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoIZkfh4s5b
阿強取來一支烈酒，邀我對飲：「追求真愛不是那麼容易。至少要比我更能喝。」417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPcJV9LKKEe
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc05tzkY28r
我欣然接受。他很了解我，許是估計到我將會乘著酒意找許家偉表白去。我唯一擺脫阿強的方法就是先把他灌醉。我們都不是省油的燈，自小經常一起偷偷喝酒，十分清楚對方酒量和醉態——一旦倒下，沒有廿四小時可醒不過來。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXPVwAsZ1U6
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7xocB6mm3P
小醉。半醉。大醉。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwqeWCq13SG
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKFUTL6v2ns
阿強半伏枱邊，傻笑問我：「想好如何表白了沒？」417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvbneT2fHln
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS8O4Zf7sXL
「直接講我愛他。」417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyVfivBAme8
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtuXTomxoiU
「如果他拒絕？」417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtk1yajxirW
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsl7hnxQxwY
「沒怎麼樣。就像我之前被女同學拒絕那樣。」417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbTdyaIn7qb
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMwtXg7NDaU
「如果他接受了？那怎麼辦？」417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlM3ubnyBMy
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFDeg1aI85g
「我當然是高興！」417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSrP5HNhtpM
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZZJ0sxkgyg
「我在問，他會怎麼辦？你認為他的內心強大得能夠與你共同面對往後一切？」417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgcJ2GG8MoO
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ03QEj3u9mV
阿強問了一個我沒有想及的問題。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsXvwuiMxrI
事隔四十年，我和李浩榮在阿強的喪禮上再次聚頭。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI0oWMQAuNA
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYYaY6xdiHT
李浩榮說他在畢業禮後與阿強斷絕了聯絡。我為此道歉。他問我為何道歉。我重提他酒後那段說話。他反問我是否真的認為過錯在我。我答不肯定——我無心令他們鬧翻，但我確是他們鬧翻的原因。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5fuw0vdpcX
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB7Uan1EgYy
李浩榮苦笑，笑容意味深長。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu4QAB37Ad0
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEoHvkPFui9
「阿強沒講錯。你真懦弱。」417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy2RGH0nPk5
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAaCNedNIbi
「活了那麼多年，經歷那麼多事情，我不得不承認自己的懦弱。」417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡidC33L01R9
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEKg6r3dAtM
「你仍然單身？」417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7YzbUaXdqT
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsGZZ89urWp
「是的。」417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYXHqowTsCx
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPI8xuH0v9U
「要我當媒嗎？」417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOU9ykiw9t9
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCYP4uQD7Tb
「不了。難為情。」417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx8Qn4Pi95m
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIwm8DxIzdL
李浩榮失笑，笑我不值得被愛。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡALrkJnCYTr
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7d5N3P3YoW
我陪笑，笑說我懂得珍愛自己就可以。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYjLgwrJWCb
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfHOmcYgNw0
多寒暄幾句，我和李浩榮相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3QEsKGCUzM
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmKOJK4uHw4
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡncapsc8vmX
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuZIeltL1xH
回家吧。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEfqn9oBAHr
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiixehPRA28
開門。門後空洞空虛空蕩蕩。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYXoCPWs985
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlqxfcj1ZS7
「戚戚慘慘悽悽，清清冷冷，覓覓尋尋。」興之所至，我一邊脫鞋，一邊倒背《聲聲慢》首三句。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdqRir8HGlW
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNJVerFJqt1
「尋他千百度，驀然回首，那人卻在燈火闌珊處。」沒有脫襪，懶洋洋得撲到梳化上，順口接上《青玉案．元夕》末句。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKk6P1KIqDw
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAUEffloIVg
枕臂望窗，映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。驀地憶起日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗，憶起他的臉容氣質，憶起那抹笑容。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNkN69IktlN
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyQ4O6EZ3eW
大概是一見鍾情吧。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2usNdfwF7O
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGuYvDWb3SO
奈何我當年愚鈍懵懂，後知後覺。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8BhN9FtfEN
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs45hMW2q2G
如果我當年及早清楚知道自己的意向，結果會否不一樣？417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP5F6DhtBfE
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnck9Dg76Si
我笑自己想多了：結果會是一樣的。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQJ0HclKcgR
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvB6zULi2dv
我是懦弱的人，我珍愛自己，所以我不會為他人冒險。我寧願花上一輩子去幻想錯過了的美好愛情，亦不會勇敢踏前一步去追求愛情。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIgdho1jFlt
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJF4VjJVadU
李浩榮說得沒錯，我不值得被愛。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡptCJ40h0UP
事隔四十年，昔日摯友躺在棺材裡，往日心上人站在我面前。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6p47ovDSTw
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9CiCA7msMW
百感交集……417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLaYcAclWK5
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfw2eccYWFM
當年我為了許家偉與阿強鬧翻，事後亦沒敢聯絡許家偉。同時失去摯友和心上人，情感上的痛令我失眠了好幾年。那時候，還以為痛楚會一直維持下去，有如浪漫淒美感人的愛情電影情節。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOamyB9sjGh
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq2BYPcPGh3
不過電影終究與現實不同：角色的難忘遭遇濃縮在短短一個半小時裡，情感故此顯得激烈而深刻；現實中的情感必須經過時間洗禮和加入許多愛情以外因素，例如家庭、工作、健康、個人財政等等。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFDh2YIe2DO
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnnfVatN3jN
痛楚自然而然被淡化掉。我漸漸忘了阿強的忠肝義膽和許家偉的獨特魅力，直至今日再聚……417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHZeJSEwLuP
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwCThuJLxzH
「認得我嗎？我是許家偉。」417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBCUruJUKXo
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK3w79AcqRT
「認得。你是文班的。」417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1bMo20J0mm
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ28iC6JjDpa
許家偉淺笑，笑容如昔，淡然清雅溫婉。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ310HE3KN0u
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfERCHsI4mH
閒聊之間，發現他仍然單身。究其原因，他只道難為情。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ90vrA4kOaN
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ16qlUIS4I
「你不值得被愛。」我蔑笑。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIFp5k8Joky
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡliu9SuRMeO
四十年過去，許家偉仍是當初那個許家偉。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSbjA0khYr6
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtv1ZsyPzNo
阿強沒講錯——他的內心不會強大得能夠與我共同面對一切。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJKtIrhkEk8
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM9KvQkxN3h
「我懂得珍愛自己就可以。」許家偉笑著說。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyBVcCRpsJe
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQUgegwWyEH
許家偉在認真？他真心認為這是珍愛自己的行徑？417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6HRLnt4rjW
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7xNxP40rXM
我哭笑不得。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlodEExSR2H
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVYH7Nv8bFy
無意跟他繼續對話。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXULhTivx2h
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVQr9DE85Sk
多寒暄幾句，我和許家偉相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡALl5N8erBs
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡipvBz3AR70
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。
