我的目標是成為一個大學畢業生,找一份薪高糧準的工作,給含辛茹苦將我養育成人的兩老過上好生活……想得美好,奈何我資質魯鈍,記憶力欠佳,自幼學業成績強差人意,根本沒能考入大學。336Please respect copyright.PENANAKUyZZ1DpbF
336Please respect copyright.PENANAt3NRo8BuDW
我拿著成績表,失落地離開課室,獨坐操場一隅,不禁哀嘆一聲:「我自問並非貪心,純粹想給家人過上好生活。為何上天不給我一個更聰穎的腦袋或是更好的記憶力?」336Please respect copyright.PENANAS1kCxIKYnw
336Please respect copyright.PENANAUY6NrDT7eP
此時,一張宣傳單張被不知哪來的怪風吹至我腳邊。336Please respect copyright.PENANA042dtQRQpm
336Please respect copyright.PENANAVscuJCxVTt
「單車學會特別訓練班——體壇明日之星的搖籃!」除了一句不順口的老土粗體橙字標語外,單張上還註明「前奧運金牌得主擔任教練」及「學屆運動員升學路線」等字樣。336Please respect copyright.PENANAp0LBUpP8d7
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我靈機一動——難道上天正在回應我?336Please respect copyright.PENANAnhY31j2edk
336Please respect copyright.PENANAlMJxXqkjXO
不假思索,我連忙根據單張資料前往報名。336Please respect copyright.PENANAkRAk6hJ4Ac
336Please respect copyright.PENANAScN9KdvfY9
經過一連三日的篩選後,本校逾百名報名者只餘五人有資格接受訓練,我有幸成為其中一員,亦是年紀最小的一個。336Please respect copyright.PENANAv6MjNtueCG
336Please respect copyright.PENANAvJLwycSFfr
首日訓練的內容相對溫和,多是運動理論和有關人體肌肉的知識。接下來的數星期,教練逐漸加重體能訓練的強度,並因應情況限制我們的飲食內容和份量,學員們叫苦連天。半年後,有一學員耐不住刻苦,提出離隊申請。教練不予挽留,馬上批准。336Please respect copyright.PENANAr8XjashiZb
336Please respect copyright.PENANAsN7pIf1dRn
「沒能裝備身心的人,沒有資格講夢想!」336Please respect copyright.PENANAbcVSFEx6xp
336Please respect copyright.PENANAjLyKyGY62M
我被教練這句說話深深憾動著。336Please respect copyright.PENANAUWgRPly3tE
336Please respect copyright.PENANAxu2mNCtrOR
我開始反思自己有何夢想。成為一個大學畢業生?找一份薪高糧準的工作?給含辛茹苦將我養育成人的兩老過上好生活?就是這樣?沒有其他?336Please respect copyright.PENANA5jK7M6CNEv
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不。336Please respect copyright.PENANAENIJjngCcd
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不知何時開始,我經常夢見自己站在頒獎台領獎的畫面——禮炮連響,彩色紙碎漫天飛舞,父母在台下喜極而泣,同學朋友們齊齊為我歡呼喝采……這才是我的真正夢想!我要成為世界單車冠軍!
如我當初所願,我以「單車運動員」的身份考上大學。曾經的我,也許會於願足矣,有意無意放慢訓練步伐,悄悄將生活重心放置於人脈關係或是事業發展;現在的我不同了——我渴求冠軍寶座,我全盤心思落在單車訓練上。336Please respect copyright.PENANAvemhnerIuC
336Please respect copyright.PENANAPB7Erji4vh
教練告誡我必須好好處理自己的心理狀態。「不是必須要嬴,但必須安全,完完整整回家去。」336Please respect copyright.PENANAhGjiFFnB0k
336Please respect copyright.PENANAXoyaVsvLXJ
我敷衍一笑,笑說自己不是幼稚的孩子。336Please respect copyright.PENANAcaVCmIszeQ
336Please respect copyright.PENANAJrvzXlvAwV
迎來升讀大學以來第五個比賽,亦是首個大型國際賽事。由於之前入圍賽成績算不上標青,我被安排在中游位置,被一眾差不多程度的參賽者包圍著。訊號響起,逾三百位學屆單車好手同時起步。我有意無意瞟了瞟前方,人山人海,無盡的彩色頭盔晃晃蕩蕩。336Please respect copyright.PENANAu4jQSVRet4
336Please respect copyright.PENANAx9AVaJIgwF
半小時過去,我仍然沒能突破重圍。我開始焦急:雖說在此刻發力加速會大大消耗體力,實屬不智,惟被困在眾多參賽者之中,與上游參賽者距離越拉越遠,到比賽後期極大機會演變成無法追上的差距,情況不妙!336Please respect copyright.PENANAqaws2MK0Uy
336Please respect copyright.PENANAPIRYL5BsvN
我環顧四周,想要找出擺脫車群的方法。336Please respect copyright.PENANAPrCLbJBQ8u
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看見了。336Please respect copyright.PENANAuNs0HFdr7g
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十一時方向、與我相隔著一個車位的距離,有一橙衫男參賽者的身影以不尋常的姿勢和幅度搖來搖去。許是單車零件有問題,許是參賽者腿部有傷,不過唯一可以肯定的是,這為我製造了突破重圍的良機。336Please respect copyright.PENANAijKAg8Urco
336Please respect copyright.PENANABpqKMsTMPy
察覺異樣的參賽者紛紛與橙衫男保持距離。我趁機衝前突入那段難得的空間,成功前進三個車位!太好了!可趕及在第一個大彎位前領先橙衫男。我不是重視他,而是在彎位與情況異常的參賽者為鄰會十分危險。同樣道理,橙衫男可以在彎位拖慢其他後方的參賽者。只要過了彎位,我就可以……336Please respect copyright.PENANAkS7eeCDvjl
336Please respect copyright.PENANAmv54KVEX3v
咔!唓——𠲖——嘭!嘭!336Please respect copyright.PENANAvumNvUyUOP
336Please respect copyright.PENANAb0P7mCou8u
我最後記憶是自己被一道強大的衝力從後頂撞,人仰車翻,天旋地轉,失去意識。
「第八十二日。兒子,你聽得見嗎?醫生說你成為了植物人——他們為你進行多次腦掃描,卻不見你有任何明顯的反應。你媽說你是個孝順子,不會就此丟下我們。看著她每天風雨不改前來為你按摩抹身,直至近日病倒,我實在不知如何是好……憑理智,我傾向相信科學和醫生;憑情感、憑我作為丈夫和爸爸的身份,我相信我的妻兒……」336Please respect copyright.PENANAL3QfR2eaDm
336Please respect copyright.PENANAxcXlkEv3bP
再次恢復意識時,我聽到爸爸在床邊喃喃自語。他的聲線很無力,略帶沙啞。我想要安慰他,卻苦苦沒能睜開雙眼,亦沒法移動身體任何一部份予以反應。我繼續聽他訴苦,聽他講述近況,聽他轉述醫生的話……336Please respect copyright.PENANATM0uQRK8WU
336Please respect copyright.PENANAHhzKFT208C
我真傻,竟然相信平庸愚鈍的我會得到上天眷顧!我真傻,竟然自以為有機會成為世界冠軍!我真傻,竟然為了追求不切實際的夢想而賠上人生!336Please respect copyright.PENANAZ2vR23t57P
336Please respect copyright.PENANAwVOOvQrb5d
情緒激動之際,我的左手尾指突然輕輕一動。336Please respect copyright.PENANAxfSxv5cWrE
336Please respect copyright.PENANAlejQ7DhlOx
爸爸的碎碎唸驀然止住。靜默數秒之後,他忽爾高喊:「醫生!醫生!我的兒子會動!他會動!他聽得見我!」336Please respect copyright.PENANAnN0Oo7Zksb
336Please respect copyright.PENANAqugaHOBe1z
我從未見過嚴肅拘謹的爸爸如此失儀放聲大叫。我感動得想要撲前與爸爸相擁痛哭,奈何沒能——我依然一動也不動躺在床上,像死屍。336Please respect copyright.PENANAFojfd7bXpR
336Please respect copyright.PENANAfyP02g7zgd
醫生來了。他拍拍我的手,輕捏我全身各部位,再撐開我的眼皮,用小電筒照照我的瞳孔。「先生,經過初步檢查,令郎的狀況還是沒變化。」336Please respect copyright.PENANArAgv7XGpjq
336Please respect copyright.PENANAMEhe8beDeH
「但我看見他的手指……」爸爸語調急促,心情明顯尚未平復。336Please respect copyright.PENANA9WdIjw2d1t
336Please respect copyright.PENANAk63uQsWEpU
「先生,你很疲倦嗎?」醫生似乎相信我爸是眼花看錯。336Please respect copyright.PENANAIIAbvLlYn6
336Please respect copyright.PENANA3nEBX9BXnZ
爸爸深深倒抽一口涼氣,回復冷靜:「我的確很疲倦……」
到了第一百日,我接受了自己成為植物人的事實,但我相信自己還是有機會康復的——我的尾指曾在第八十二日動了動。不過如今最重要的是想辦法郁動我的身體,令外界知道我尚有意識。336Please respect copyright.PENANAqk8MtvMuBv
336Please respect copyright.PENANAdorFaJhGM7
接下來的一年裡,我反復嘗試將意志集中在手指或是嘴唇這類容易被看見的身體部位,試過不停回憶多個令我情緒高漲的人生時刻,也試過憧憬未來,告訴自己未來會是多麼的美好!336Please respect copyright.PENANAgtFgYG5qT3
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只要我願意努力,我定會過上美好的生活!336Please respect copyright.PENANAM4ZKiVuLuG
336Please respect copyright.PENANAxwNwCrR2xF
「第四百七十天。兒子,我要告訴你一件重要事情。」336Please respect copyright.PENANA16DLcETPYT
336Please respect copyright.PENANADhOl0R7EJG
今天前來探望我的是爸爸,想必媽媽定是病倒了。若非身體抱恙,媽媽定會親身前來。336Please respect copyright.PENANAQ38nOIlEQz
336Please respect copyright.PENANA8Cmq0nlE0U
「媽媽死了。她昨日探望你後、前往小巴站時,被的士撞倒了……」336Please respect copyright.PENANAMkvwPXoj2u
336Please respect copyright.PENANAYj8BGJWEV6
我通過床褥的微微震顫感受到爸爸的激動。我也激動,卻也沒能用任何方式表達。沒能哭,沒能說話,只能直躺躺的感受自己的激動,然後知道自己很激動。336Please respect copyright.PENANANsHsW3zXXf
336Please respect copyright.PENANAYzLmE6zMtF
爸爸沒有哭——我聽不到哭聲。他現在有何表情?欲哭無淚?或是已然哭得雙眼紅腫,無力再哭?我無法知道。336Please respect copyright.PENANAz6P53PNu8B
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「兒子,我想死。」336Please respect copyright.PENANAdNmzkPQEsf
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爸爸湊近我耳邊,用世上最無力的聲線去訴說無盡的悲痛與絕望。336Please respect copyright.PENANAUmshYnPrWm
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「兒子,你也想死,對吧?」336Please respect copyright.PENANAFgrpVOrpMK
336Please respect copyright.PENANApRoMNOy19T
悲痛與絕望之後,就是自毀的開始。毀掉自己,亦毀掉自己的珍愛之人或物,例如必須依賴兩老生存的植物人兒子。336Please respect copyright.PENANAhJMbXIXaDn
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我心知不妙,奈何我依然沒能動彈半分。忽聞一陣既急且輕的腳步聲,然後是門鎖上閂的短促聲響,接下來靜悄悄的。我估計爸爸正在連接我身體的維生裝置上動手腳。是甚麼?關閉電子儀器的部份重要功能?在生理鹽水裡混和毒物?或是……336Please respect copyright.PENANAhbhGh8MQAn
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我腦後的枕頭突然被猛力抽走,再被覆在我的臉上。336Please respect copyright.PENANAjuKwgGs58e
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爸爸打算用枕頭悶死我!336Please respect copyright.PENANAfrgmNj77hQ
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不!不要!我還不想死!336Please respect copyright.PENANAc4XSbvEU78
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窒息感令我自知死期不遠。336Please respect copyright.PENANApnJYflRUWf
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我必須反抗!336Please respect copyright.PENANAmfs5gMEnmX
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要不動,要不死!336Please respect copyright.PENANAHENpnv6Xir
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動!動!快點動!336Please respect copyright.PENANArYQZZny7pU
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「呀!」我的身體忽爾回復知覺,使勁一推,推開了瘋狂的爸爸。336Please respect copyright.PENANAjoSLZbkl23
336Please respect copyright.PENANAIrOOx4mN0c
爸爸失去平衡,跌倒在地。他沒有理會自己太多,雙目圓睜,吃驚地望著再次活動的我。「兒子……你……」336Please respect copyright.PENANAytb38klNZk
336Please respect copyright.PENANAtM4GB0OM1j
「爸爸!」縱然雙腿肌肉因缺乏運動而虛弱無力,但我還是強行撐起身體,落床拐步走向爸爸。336Please respect copyright.PENANAYbVhdcdLcT
336Please respect copyright.PENANAmgPIBdqVVP
雙腳著地的感覺真好!對珍愛之人訴說自己的感受真好!活動自如的感覺真好!336Please respect copyright.PENANAbYtk2nghQ7
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尚有三步之距,我就可以伸手扶起為我苦撐多時的爸爸。336Please respect copyright.PENANAeplRqCrUpU
336Please respect copyright.PENANAapFf5QJdyT
「爸爸!我……」一陣血銹味自胸腔冒起,打斷我的話。我下意識掩著嘴,強行壓下噁心感。奈何濃稠的血水依然無間斷自指間滲出、滴下。雙腳一軟,雙膝著地。336Please respect copyright.PENANAw6k6dIztbf
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「兒子……我沒料到……你會……」爸爸大受刺激,掩耳蜷伏在地。336Please respect copyright.PENANAH0XBloftCo
336Please respect copyright.PENANA7KGe95i9kp
我喉嚨劇痛,沒能告訴爸爸我不會怪責他——我只怪自己當初心高氣傲,眼裡只有夢想。336Please respect copyright.PENANAwA86AsDiyb
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房門外沸沸揚揚,估是有人發現房內異樣。336Please respect copyright.PENANAomTnUEvpMo
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快撞門吧!快救我吧!我還不想死!我還要照顧爸爸!336Please respect copyright.PENANA45fd2pVCK5
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我不想死!336Please respect copyright.PENANA6DiQ7CSnB0
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我不想……死……336Please respect copyright.PENANArdrFlDy4oI
336Please respect copyright.PENANA2pLnHITzUq
我不想……336Please respect copyright.PENANA20i4YWpaKU
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我不……336Please respect copyright.PENANAgUTfjuTL8c
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我……336Please respect copyright.PENANAIZJ6Ir5iqG
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……