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午餐用膳後，男生們大多會將多餘時間花在學校操場，或場上打籃球，或場外觀賽。我亦不例外，在場邊與同學輕聲討論打球技巧。忘形之際，一個籃球高速自後側飛來，狠狠砸中我右耳耳背。場中男生上前向我連聲道歉，我只道不要緊。男生拾球後繼續回場較勁，沒把事情放心上。當然，我也沒所謂，小事一椿。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH2tBFky1OW
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZQmVaUKeiI
令我在意的反倒是球場另邊有個陌生男生對我微笑。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFpREAfOH1n
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1HQOQcuD8j
匆匆一笑，半秒即逝。他轉頭跟身邊友人繼續說說笑笑。我挺肯定自己想多了——對方不是故意對著我笑，僅是他的站立姿勢及面向角度湊巧朝著我這邊來。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2MggIdLgup
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsaUnekT8x6
但我還是記住了那抹笑容，記住了他的臉容氣質，記住日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdTXUDxqqnv
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBMqYrYeQnt
為何記住？我解釋不了。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQrZzqUIlrL
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡimzusJY1Bw
好幾個月過去，夏天轉換為冬。颯颯寒風成功減少場邊女生數目，男生仍然在此閒聊逛蕩。同行朋友忽爾興起，動身到場裡打球。我笑笑婉拒，說吃飽想睡不想動。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCkPGj3N8cv
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZPovMstnNq
我獨坐長椅一邊，納悶之際，兩個男生前來佔坐長椅另端空位。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwQ8Vu0yuLd
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9F8UMDKVGo
其中一個是他。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9iI9EQzPeu
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeEPOk2iIO4
那笑那臉那明暗，歷歷在目。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOdHJ3quGfG
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPsLOEwxLcY
心頭一顫，我馬上別過臉去。數秒後，我稍為冷靜，意識到自己的失態，佯裝無異，繼續觀看球賽。不過他似乎察覺我的異樣，有意無意對我展露笑容——一個意味深長的笑容。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMukedVlaA8
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡumgzsSSvyU
我尷尬離座回課室去。走樓梯至三樓時，他竟從後叫住我。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh7iqqgHqfe
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvhOJIjEC1R
「你遺下銀包。」418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNV1DU4wE0C
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0n0eBv0FbP
「謝謝。」418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8phse2f340
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjPyzglrnno
「不用客氣……」418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeLILCkGavW
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ53eEbhNpPv
奇怪。看他忸怩模樣，他似乎還有話要對我說。說甚麼？不是必須相識的陌生人可以如何打開話題？甚或是「為何要展開話題」？418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKFwWWaazoF
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmUP3gEPKeA
氣氛尷尬，四目交投，卻不知如何是好。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDQdC86JxiI
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5NmbPEt9Ku
直至提著半滿水桶和微濕地拖的校工在我倆之間經過，彼此才回過神來，甚有默契同時分別從兩個方向離開。我往上，他往下。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCX95EdVXm3
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5lW39NZsxo
誰料在午飯時間完結後，我們還是在五樓走廊再次碰面——原來我們都是中五生。由於班別不同、社交圈子不重疊，所以未曾正式認識。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQzTp1GOCq9
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB9H7heRm1x
不要緊。現在互相自我介紹就可以。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYpbGrHT2lu
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMLWqjmbsm0
「我是文班許家偉。」418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4RNaJzlDrw
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEUkkuEXlWq
「我是理班李浩榮。」418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLxx2CQssOh
其實我早已知道許家偉。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡozVHLIBm8M
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2SHvp5RuoF
我心儀對象就是喜歡許家偉。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL3jLfvYtCS
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeYPpM1baJT
被拒絕的心情久久不散。我開始留意許家偉這個人。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIKchlG5OeI
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ83lC5xzD6x
拜託阿強向文班生打探有關許家偉的事。某文班生說許家偉無啥特別，亦無專長或短處，是個存在感不強的乖學生。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNKgyYL2bdB
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGIsx3gAcP6
我不明所以——為何心儀對象看上他？418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8WZGubALiV
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡha8jWDAkjZ
不是認為心儀對象定要接受我或是對方必須比我優勝，只是我真的找不到許家偉有何可愛之處。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQRdGZLUH8R
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡciZsrxuHol
不服氣。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2h70FoS88D
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz7sGYhZwHd
繼續觀察他。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIzqPwpeVn8
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGT2IfBHqLh
匆匆數月，秋去冬來，我對許家偉好奇不減。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCTZsdqcD4T
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnj5uPx2Ye5
某天午餐後，我和阿強發現許家偉獨坐操場長椅，於是立即齊齊上前佔據長椅另端，近距離觀察他。他似乎發現我們的奇異目光，動身離開。正感沒趣，阿強發現地上有一個銀包。查看內裡，看見許家偉的學生證。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqvKm9DDPrH
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZXc4NyJDgu
阿強建議取走內裡金錢和學生證，再將銀包交到校務處。我反對，擔心惹禍上身。阿強問我是否討厭許家偉。我無正面回應，僅是堅持物歸原主。阿強讓步，將銀包遞給我。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaIDZbSY0V4
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOIRoDkSVvm
我急步追趕許家偉。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuzVb0xeGis
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqxnpYy3XEU
不明白自己此刻行為。正如阿強所問，我不是討厭許家偉嗎？人前，我一直表達對許家偉的討厭；人後，我曾多次理性分析過自己有沒有討厭他的實質理由。沒有，尤其在我對心儀對象忘情以後。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiqyk17HQgM
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOmB9SDQCL6
奈何留意許家偉經已成為我的習慣。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrvdMqxEOJf
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvzdckTVcVN
遠遠看見他的身影，我自然而然打起十二分精神；聽到心儀對象與好友聊天時提及許家偉，我對他的好奇大於對心儀對象的；走經中五級壁報板，會不經意試找許家偉的名字……418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwqnnizm6fq
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpV9xCU9yjB
「你遺下了銀包。」418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlIK1LNhfoV
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh4J2yFh3a2
「謝謝。」418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3US09LmW9B
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRKdQ9cL4hs
「不用客氣……」418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxYOXbRNv46
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5S7pF6Nhsv
經已物歸原主。他道謝，我虛應，然後該是沒有然後。但我們還是愣在原地。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ59zRI7CRua
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO1q5XUhLWQ
該要說甚麼？還需要說甚麼？沒有啊！但我們還是原地愣著。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4SVksLNB9i
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ31zvpcspvy
他是否一早知道我？他是否早已察覺我在留意他？不會吧……418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ16udmP4xre
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwDZp0oAs8L
我望入他雙眼。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡikV8u65Rkt
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmCcnTc2DPn
不。我鐵定他不認識我。他的眼神迷惘疑惑忐忑，似乎在期待甚麼……418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX7GBmhGr56
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZZ3QcbVIeQ
一名校工在我和許家偉之間走過。我在視線被阻擋當刻回過神來，低頭轉身離開。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVgJeSd6zAi
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo78JRx8xMa
我回到操場側長椅。阿強仍在，問我有否教訓許家偉一頓。我苦笑罵他發神經。阿強收起笑容，認真勸我別壓抑情緒。我說理解許家偉是無辜的，不會繼續討厭他。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrVTlXDTQFG
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBPc5YqPcYx
上課鈴聲響起，學生魚貫回課室去。人群中，我在五樓走廊與許家偉迎個正著。他驚訝之情洋溢於表。我反倒開懷笑了，笑他遲鈍，後知後覺。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh6sjwXYJ1u
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQMBeegCLcA
許家偉臉紅，禮貌地點點頭，上前自我介紹。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMn4LDllG0A
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9wUiAYYfFE
「我是文班許家偉。」418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnR7P5giHjL
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyGZgc7Mbvp
「我是理班李浩榮。」418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9wtzNcnQ6t
畢業多年，我跟李浩榮從未聯絡過——當我這麼講，舊生聚會上人人皆表出乎意料：「你們當年那麼要好，竟然未曾聯絡一次？」418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ84lvm7GEI8
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBYN0jFIk5E
我笑笑點頭，不多解釋。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVg9uo6G5oe
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy85aIoALMw
畢業禮當晚，他告訴我，他的心儀對象喜歡我。我問他那女生是誰，我可以當面拒絕她。他說不必，因為他已不愛他。我感到奇怪：如已釋懷，為何重提。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa94TRb1pXs
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAnAjgKyXwp
李浩榮笑笑，笑說他已覺悟，明白人的真正作用。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbu9QFJSS4U
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV76zveKc3V
聽到這莫名其妙的答案，我就知道他醉了——他喝下很多酒。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIMNFRgjb0z
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmzJoo4ReYB
他說人的真正作用就是將另外兩個不相識的人串連在一起，或是把深交的兩個人分開，例如那女生無意間將我帶到他的人生當中，而我又無意間成為他和青梅竹馬鬧翻原因。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8lHinWv3s9
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyecTV9Dtwo
我大概聽出話裡的話。有點難過，有點無奈，有點害怕——害怕今晚坦白心聲以後，我和李浩榮再無交集。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7QryS002I2
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡegTSW8vumr
但我沒有阻止他。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnhIcbhLKX0
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbHDuOxUtKc
他壓抑已久，情感需要釋放。這很可能是我以朋友身份給他的最後禮物。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJOMbz8uG7W
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0vmcN3jBZZ
我慫恿他繼續說下去。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDidkBMdvhM
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRQXw84pqgX
他跟阿強相識於幼稚園。他倆都是頑皮孩子，經常氣得老師向父母投訴，父母夜裡就來一頓痛打。他們經常看到對方手腫腳瘀，起初會擔心對方身體，後來發現彼此不怕捱打，只怕玩得不痛快。相顧輕笑，再玩再捱打……玩著捱著，二人同甘共苦十四年，彼此之間有一種難以言喻的默契——只有阿強看出他非但未曾討厭我，反倒羨慕我的不起眼。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoeJp88yA4A
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbktkakPIvH
我好奇李浩榮何解會羨慕不起眼的人。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdJvMbABf7o
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡytK1h3JyPg
「不被注意、不被期望，方能活得自由稱心。」418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL3EGqRPcIq
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs91ftOFTQn
我問他是否有煩惱，可以向我傾訴，也許我能想出好辦法。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAq0s21hNJU
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2YgxYbGm9u
李浩榮報以苦笑，沒有正面回答。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdNGKjHagky
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaFbqzbYiTx
那夜，他喝得爛醉，我送他回家。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgAhuMRNTb3
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡElZBC6JQg2
伯母應門。是個凶神惡煞的中年婦，語調急促，不帶尾音。她接過李浩榮，留下一句道謝，利落關門。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoMJItmMS1k
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Ffzg50AXX
門關。心頭若有所失——感覺永遠不會再見到李浩榮。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtZZAvIiQWq
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTPtg0w7bqv
其實沒甚麼大不了。這是人生必經的離合過程。不會令我受到任何傷害，亦不會令我蒙受任何損失。著實沒甚麼大不了。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7yf5nlLvwx
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5M3UpSozN8
但我掛念他。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4RrbQubalK
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlFK3Kx1S7l
不是偶然想起，不是遇上麻煩、需要向他求助，不是看見眼熟物件進而聯想。沒錯，是真正的掛念——我無法自欺。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ15Tv2GqSpx
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa2D0fAVjNP
想起他，我不期然會笑；想起他，我感覺窩心；想起他，我會自覺孤單可憐。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpTqP2RElaX
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡttmVkWpplh
我漸漸意識到這是甚麼一回事。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6QPES8zXii
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡriojx45kVo
糟糕了！怎麼辦？怎麼辦！不知道。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPBVJJKhPlC
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoXeGKkUz6z
不要說。不要聽。不要見。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF5XbgyKe5e
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgT84PRRzAp
希望時間會沖淡一切。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcnMfgcjyrT
依稀記得畢業翌日在自家客廳梳化醒來的畫面。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoJ9tLgCz4u
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdPm9PfEYpQ
首先映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。眼睛無法於短時間內適應，煞是暈眩，有一股酸餿灼熱自胸腔冒升。想吐。沒法吐。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8wtnec4ne5
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDOvtNE943U
阿媽沒有理會我，背對我在廚房煲湯。她對著湯煲說：「昨晚是他送你回來。」418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeieOk7R9Gf
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCeLA3JPy5G
我敵不過暈眩與劇烈頭痛，重新軟癱梳化上。沒回話打算，反正阿媽定會繼續說下去。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcgtaJCBW9S
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiOwDHOFlh8
「我不明白你為何喜歡他。」418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjWogn6gNiE
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS1O37HEO07
「我也不明白。」418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQYnxuKwNUQ
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「那就不要繼續喜歡。」418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡob5T6dhrv9
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrvXmJicsaN
「感覺，並非可以自由控制的。」418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBjWueiWUi2
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1PevxFfQWw
「我亦無法自由控制我的兒子喜歡誰。」418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaPIljNPTwG
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRpdsLTQPzI
「我也無法自由選擇誰是我的母親。」418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnwQGdLBYcW
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoFnstM2Dj3
「真抱歉——未得你同意就把你生下來。」418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbZzeSJ8WaA
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0TEnQAHBSi
「你該要對我感到抱歉。」418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIBJXok9j3E
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡprXH8PN8dV
我晦氣，毫不掩飾對她的討厭。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGcPvxHB49y
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbqTmAdt9CF
阿媽沒再多話，繼續在廚房忙著。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsPWPtacc53
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg3qhWBRjeD
真要命。人生就是那麼多無謂紛擾。我的人生屬於我，為何旁人總愛插手？418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnIgPoAbzKc
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抵著頭痛，我硬撐起身子小便去。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHPJyb9oj5x
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在抽氣扇綿延不斷的摩打聲襯托下，小便聲清脆得噁心。噁感令我清醒不少，昨晚回憶開始隱約浮現。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBIwYZh3pHk
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxyBDzzENDZ
我似乎講過一些不該出口的話。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFqU25qPqva
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真的嗎？我真的把話說出口？418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlWtoObXwvc
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHrSgYgFae3
為何這麼驚訝？阿強醉倒後，我特意喝下更多酒，不就是為了把話講出口嗎？418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjakl0bqE9R
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpsmQA1250k
便意盡，醉意消，騰出來的腦空間被後悔和自責分佔了。我呆上半晌才提起褲子洗手去。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoqnbw3oaJX
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDi71K28kKB
為何要走到這一步？418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN3QKQl0sww
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgb38x4uHRG
阿強早已看出我對許家偉的感情，擔心我走上「歪路」。我有點兒生氣——誰有資格定義這是否歪路。阿強自知沒能說服我，乾脆將觀察所得告訴我媽。性格暴躁的阿媽一反常態，冷靜淡然勸我切勿繼續投放感情。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaqU0Fq6mZz
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBMVxwRbfBT
「世人表裡不一。口說開明，實質守舊。」418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNiCQxogUTE
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ09dpbJlFfM
「是嗎？你呢？你口說放棄，心底裡在支持我吧？」418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7FWtB6xYyS
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhPnXyABoh8
「別倔強。」418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo8T129Rw7M
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡABMlxgEyXo
「我想要知道你的真正想法！別敷衍！別蒙混！」418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVp4pzbddOv
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoC5k0TNkhF
「我想你放棄。」418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0HhTpTNQ5Y
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「原因？」418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBihecoxJxC
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「現實終歸是現實的。你將要面對的困難並非單靠信念、希望和愛情就可以解決。」418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZR1mOXOobk
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg3cxqrp7qb
「我知道。」418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV4APM7XExA
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZZR7iY2RaB
「何解還要繼續下去？」418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ30DbOFFYWQ
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMjKJzJYXZI
「感情易放難收。」418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTDxtthjobg
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAwuuk9zqEv
阿媽沒法回嘴——「感情」一詞明確否定了邏輯和理智，她還有何話可說，只得被動地待我回心轉意。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkjtUFU9IkI
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1LVAZMUWDP
傍晚，我約見阿強，在公園暗處與他打一架。我們手腫腳瘀，有如兒時被父母教訓一樣。看著彼此頹喪模樣，我既心痛亦生氣——我們的友誼不該淪落至此！我們該可以當一輩子兄弟手足！418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvAHjaxJID3
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7ZWLzqq7pt
架後，我沒有留下片言隻字，待身體稍稍恢復後首先離開回家去，懶理阿強依然躺在草地上粗喘不已。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQeZjNrGRSg
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW0FOvKu7DL
阿媽見我身上有傷，許是大概明白那是甚麼一回事，沒有多問，亦不予關心。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIpzLIydqS9
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZI3QduiBGQ
我不在意，一心思考如何在畢業禮當晚向許家偉表白……418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡott5IgkNJO
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd1easmP4wL
畢業禮，是終結也是新開始。學生們穿戴整齊，戰戰兢兢上台領受證書。莘莘學子前途未卜，能夠掌握在手的只有當下。今朝有酒今朝醉，齊齊喝酒齊齊醉。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkWE1lhI7lV
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA8M9C1haXG
阿強取來一支烈酒，邀我對飲：「追求真愛不是那麼容易。至少要比我更能喝。」418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3knDckVlqR
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbm8aaH4uYm
我欣然接受。他很了解我，許是估計到我將會乘著酒意找許家偉表白去。我唯一擺脫阿強的方法就是先把他灌醉。我們都不是省油的燈，自小經常一起偷偷喝酒，十分清楚對方酒量和醉態——一旦倒下，沒有廿四小時可醒不過來。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi3AIxpgWjz
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwNMooOhmkv
小醉。半醉。大醉。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcWpHeETW21
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGZYKuDvLIM
阿強半伏枱邊，傻笑問我：「想好如何表白了沒？」418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPeWRq0wQpx
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1uD2xsjjIB
「直接講我愛他。」418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdt5Wz8oBF6
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLjGYc6Ug8g
「如果他拒絕？」418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm4r03HKd9F
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA6E89UsxcM
「沒怎麼樣。就像我之前被女同學拒絕那樣。」418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkLzW9oRxyM
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB96nQ5xfTD
「如果他接受了？那怎麼辦？」418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy8zkbcSmjg
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmkB16vTZL2
「我當然是高興！」418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAYWcI56Jpu
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡetR9vDphA9
「我在問，他會怎麼辦？你認為他的內心強大得能夠與你共同面對往後一切？」418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzU72R3oh34
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ4yzBlVq2h
阿強問了一個我沒有想及的問題。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoLuPXPH3yv
事隔四十年，我和李浩榮在阿強的喪禮上再次聚頭。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5jLAiWHB0G
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPzJw90GP0p
李浩榮說他在畢業禮後與阿強斷絕了聯絡。我為此道歉。他問我為何道歉。我重提他酒後那段說話。他反問我是否真的認為過錯在我。我答不肯定——我無心令他們鬧翻，但我確是他們鬧翻的原因。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZyiSPnf8uK
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTnB2cjoV8C
李浩榮苦笑，笑容意味深長。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRk3ApIklhH
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4kTyf53Es5
「阿強沒講錯。你真懦弱。」418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqIEDB2pPHe
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK6aSDkVK2N
「活了那麼多年，經歷那麼多事情，我不得不承認自己的懦弱。」418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNHMYQS208O
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLL7xkkRv5L
「你仍然單身？」418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8wlIdtcdxG
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFljsl8Cq4u
「是的。」418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2TdO35qN69
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKLUFkMDmc2
「要我當媒嗎？」418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡueCG6U3lnM
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxDM2TaO5Bd
「不了。難為情。」418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB7tqnp4Ljg
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwO78kvlUF3
李浩榮失笑，笑我不值得被愛。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7QzOGnAlAk
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB0h4yhI9lW
我陪笑，笑說我懂得珍愛自己就可以。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxkfI8WNtk1
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEyknkIbVpV
多寒暄幾句，我和李浩榮相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEms55tuCuZ
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsHshjwGTAY
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaBbUiYp9vo
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0D5Lfp6wwl
回家吧。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfXYI2ZvMCs
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開門。門後空洞空虛空蕩蕩。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrmjZgy1YEb
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUV6jCBMqEo
「戚戚慘慘悽悽，清清冷冷，覓覓尋尋。」興之所至，我一邊脫鞋，一邊倒背《聲聲慢》首三句。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ88dC7OrYu6
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEYQKpeftyw
「尋他千百度，驀然回首，那人卻在燈火闌珊處。」沒有脫襪，懶洋洋得撲到梳化上，順口接上《青玉案．元夕》末句。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJosfX964t7
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYFRRQwjrRw
枕臂望窗，映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。驀地憶起日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗，憶起他的臉容氣質，憶起那抹笑容。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaqGXajFyjt
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大概是一見鍾情吧。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzQ8R2M9lDj
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奈何我當年愚鈍懵懂，後知後覺。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡew7X10no0V
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如果我當年及早清楚知道自己的意向，結果會否不一樣？418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYIozNlTjRo
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Lz0wd4vVa
我笑自己想多了：結果會是一樣的。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0bVbA7Yus7
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFoxXovpg6e
我是懦弱的人，我珍愛自己，所以我不會為他人冒險。我寧願花上一輩子去幻想錯過了的美好愛情，亦不會勇敢踏前一步去追求愛情。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5KxDB8ZxI6
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfTpxLqAsxS
李浩榮說得沒錯，我不值得被愛。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3FNR8iQ8W2
事隔四十年，昔日摯友躺在棺材裡，往日心上人站在我面前。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXvXmX0g10n
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfnDwRUapY6
百感交集……418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy7hqy0QC2R
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRUBhAlG1Nv
當年我為了許家偉與阿強鬧翻，事後亦沒敢聯絡許家偉。同時失去摯友和心上人，情感上的痛令我失眠了好幾年。那時候，還以為痛楚會一直維持下去，有如浪漫淒美感人的愛情電影情節。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvbgQNpGTDa
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8bf9LzSkvS
不過電影終究與現實不同：角色的難忘遭遇濃縮在短短一個半小時裡，情感故此顯得激烈而深刻；現實中的情感必須經過時間洗禮和加入許多愛情以外因素，例如家庭、工作、健康、個人財政等等。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpkmj2uNUgD
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡens8ny5UO1
痛楚自然而然被淡化掉。我漸漸忘了阿強的忠肝義膽和許家偉的獨特魅力，直至今日再聚……418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaIlhhzlQh8
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe3j6fdjcpl
「認得我嗎？我是許家偉。」418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD6Dd8BE77a
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Uh6qdLfeE
「認得。你是文班的。」418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0oJWMusznO
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNV3ocQKHM5
許家偉淺笑，笑容如昔，淡然清雅溫婉。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaQ6MDQB86J
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閒聊之間，發現他仍然單身。究其原因，他只道難為情。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVgiiRMm4o9
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWlXn1X6U0o
「你不值得被愛。」我蔑笑。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ7s8kyupPK
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCEfT00OKhP
四十年過去，許家偉仍是當初那個許家偉。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmvl63C8RUA
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUXBwyipoa2
阿強沒講錯——他的內心不會強大得能夠與我共同面對一切。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2KBiBud45d
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsLyypE9zx9
「我懂得珍愛自己就可以。」許家偉笑著說。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc04riSiZkj
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOE9AAgtLyt
許家偉在認真？他真心認為這是珍愛自己的行徑？418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr7pQrMZP8c
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我哭笑不得。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Mz1hMyUYF
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無意跟他繼續對話。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUSSWzX36Tm
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzMfRItcrQs
多寒暄幾句，我和許家偉相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhcuywxo894
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ8lKqLEK4k
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。
