Jessie

To say I was confused, anxious, nervous and even a little taken aback was an understatement.

I was hysterical. And not in a good way. I was pacing back and forth my room all night. Thinking. 

I still can't believe Nathan Evans, aka my childhood friend, asked me out. And not just for one date, or two dates, or three or four... But he asked me to be his girlfriend.

I had many emotions, which I didn't know which one to express. Sometimes I cried because I thought it's totally unbelievable. Sometimes I blushed and smiled to myself while reading Jane Eyre. 

I couldn't help but compare Nathan to Mr. Rochester, and I couldn't help but imagine what it would feel like to have a guy like Nathan as my boyfriend.

My very first, and real (not imaginary) boyfriend. Nathan is a guy any girl would want to be with. 

He's kind hearted, smart, hardworking, truthful, courageous, ambitious, compassionate, considerate, frank and empathetic. Anddd he's handsome.

He has a little bit of problem when it comes to showing his feelings and romance, but it's alright I'll teach him gradually.

I mean people don't just go and tell their crushes or the love of their life they love her right? They should give hints you know, or at least give a warning like; hey! I'm going to tell you something, you might faint from surprise. So, be warned. 

I smile to myself, and put my hands on my flushing face, it's definitely hot from the thought of having a romantic dinner with Nathan. Or maybe holding hands on the beach, going to watch The Notebook together while I rest my head on his shoulder, as he puts his arms around me in a protective manner and telling me how much he loves me. 

Oh and I'll read him a romantic book, and show him how great love and romance is, I never thought Nathan would be able to love anyone. He almost always said he doesn't believe in love, and that love is nothing but just a mere illusion. 

I admit I was quite surprised to find out that Nathan was not only able to fall in love, but the person he has fallen for was me. 

I was mad at myself, for liking to date Nathan, but well... I can't help it.

Oh god! Why am I thinking of being with him this much? When I haven't agreed to it yet, and when I haven't told Rachel about it yet. 

Yep, I'm planning on telling my best friend, if you're wondering. More like... asking Rachel for permission to date her brother. It's only wise to tell her, right? 

Speaking of Rachel there she is, walking to where I'm sitting, with a huge smile on her face. 

Oh lord! I'm already regretting the decision of telling her. 

I swallow the lump in my throat and remind myself: that this is the right thing to do. To tell Rachel that her brother has asked me out, is definitely the right thing to do. 

"Hey, girl!" Rachel greets me enthusiastically, and sits down opposite of me very quickly. She raises her arm and waves at the waiter who nods at Rachel and comes our way. 

"Hey" I mumble and swallow the lump in my throat, I really wish this doesn't ruin our friendship. 

"God I'm starving!" Rachel exclaims, as the waiter approaches us and takes our order. 

"So? What's this urgent thing you want to talk about with me?" Rachel asks, as the waiter walks away. 

"Umm..." I try but no words come out, I didn't realize I'm this nervous until now. 

But I have to say it. In order to not have any misunderstandings, in order to let Rachel know about her brother's feeling.

And in order to have Nathan as my boyfriend, without having any problems. My subconscious adds.

I ignore her and take a deep breathe. It's either now or never. 

"I... It's ...umm..." I try again, but it seems like I don't know how to put the words in their right order.

"Jessie, you don't make sense you know, speak please, we don't have all day." Rachel says, digging into the plate of tortellini in front of her impatiently, as soon as the waiter brings our food.

"Umm... I have something to tell you..." I finally say. 

"Oh for the sweet lord's sake." Rachel says, rolling her eyes, "of course you have something to tell me, what are we here for then? Spill smart arse!" 

"It's about Nathan" I blurt out and stare at my best friend's face for any reaction. 

"What about him?" Rachel asks before she brings a spoon of mushroom soup to her mouth.

"Umm... He asked me to be his girlfriend" I mumble and bit my lower lip from embarrassment.

Rachel chokes on the soup she was about to drink, she was coughing for two or three minutes, tears were streaming down her face, and her face was red as a tomato, making me feel worried to death. 

When she finally came back to herself, and was able to breathe again. She frowned and stopped eating any food in front of her. 

"What?" She asked. 

"He asked me-" I started.

"I know Jessie, he asked you to his girlfriend. I heard you. But... what I mean is really?" She said, her lips twitching a little. I couldn't figure out If she wanted to smile or cry.

"Yeah really." I mumbled. Without looking at her.

"And what... did you tell him?" She asked. Her face blank from any emotion or expression. 

"I told him I'll think about it" I admitted. 

"Let me guess... You're here to ask for my permission?" She asked, her voice calm. But her face looking furious.

"Uh-huh" I reply. 

"It's your personal life Jessie. It's up to you, you know" My best friend says, a small smile playing on her lips. "As for Nathan... looks like he has already made his decision. Because he doesn't umm... say anything he doesn't mean"

"Thanks" I mumble and smile at my friend.

"For what?" She asks, wiping her mouth with a napkin.

"For staying my friend" I flush as I realized what I just said, but well it's the truth.

"Don't be ridiculous, girl" Rachel says as she beams at me, "I always got your back" 

I sigh from relief. And decide not to worry about anything else.

Except, I'll go home make a list of the pros and cons of being with Nathan. And make my decision about him.

I don't want the poor guy to wait any longer. And besides its the New Year's Eve today, hopefully I can give him a good news.