Jessie
In life there are certain things and people that we don’t appreciate until we lose them, there are certain things and people who are always there for you and you just can’t live without them in your lives. There are people you push away, but are your true friends. There are also people you keep by yourself who stab you in the back.
My father is my greatest supporter, and my favorite person in the entire world. He stood by me all these years of my life and helped me get back up whenever I fell. I was schizophrenic and I didn’t even feel it or know it, I was little when my mother passed away, I miss her, yes. But my father gave me a love the size of the universe, I grew up and became this Jessie I am today.
And guess what? Dad remained in his place, without growing. Without improving or achieving any dream. As a matter of fact I never got to know what my father’s dreams are.
When I was eleven, I sometimes asked him what his dream is, Dad will always reply with: Having a beautiful daughter like you, and raising her and helping her achieve her dreams. At that time I didn’t know what Dad meant, or what that was, but now I know it’s called sacrifice. Every great love comes with a great sacrifice.
No I know. My father is wasting his own precious time sitting by my bed, reading me books, making stupid jokes which aren’t even funny and not going back home to even take a shower or rest. He was always there whenever I needed him. I didn’t like counting the days which I stayed at that lonely hospital. And I didn’t even want to think about the fact that I have some disease and need to check my condition regularly or that I have a brother who happened to be my friend whom I adored so much. I never wanted to remember that my beautiful mother who my father never talked about was actually like me. But sicker, and needed help.
Although for some reason, he came into my mind every second of the day. And I didn’t want to stop thinking about him or push his image and features out of my mind. I missed how he called my name, how he caressed my cheek and cared about me whenever I was sad. And I miss the way he looked at me. But then I always wondered if all we lived together was true… Well, true or not, I couldn’t stop thinking about him.
It’s hard to balance your thoughts and what your heart is telling you. I was deep in thought, when I heard the door open, I looked up to find Harry standing there, looking at me.
“Can I come in?” He asked, sounding uncertain.
“Sure!” I said, smiling warmly at him. His face softened as he smiled back at me and came and sat down by the bed side.
“How’s my little sister?” He asked, grabbing my hand and squeezing it.
“I’m good, actually. How are you? And everyone?” I asked.
“Rachel is doing good, she and Dave are dating now” Harry answered and winked.
“Yessssssssss!!! I exclaimed, throwing my hands in the air, “Did you do as I told you?”
“I did even more, I.. uh… made them kiss in front of everyone” He scratched his cheek.
“How?” I smirked.
“Well I bought them theatre tickets, and the staff had called them up the stage to act in front of the people, apparently it involved some kissing scenes, and that’s how it happened” Harry replied, smirking too.
“ You’re a genius!” I punched his arm and giggled.
“Well it was your idea, and we’re siblings and both geniuses so yeah…” My brother said, I smiled at him and nodded in agreement. “
Despite everything happening, I’m so glad I have a brother who I can fight with now.” I grinned and did some Macarena moves as happy dancing.
“Well since your brother is me, we’ll have lots of fights” Harry replied and winked, making me laugh. “You look great, sis.”
“Thank you, Harry. I feel great, that’s why.” I said and took a deep breath. Well that wasn’t exactly a lie. I did feel great, especially when I’m surrounded by all these amazing friends and family.
“I really hope you always feel good” Harry said and pinched my nose, I giggled and slapped his hand away.
“Stop treating me like a child” I said and stuck out my tongue at him.
“That’s because you are a child” My brother said and stuck out his tongue too, making me laugh out loud. Harry smiled warmly at me as he watched me laugh. Suddenly his smile disappeared and his reaction became serious.
“Umm… have you talked with him yet?” He asked, staring at me cautiously. My throat got dry, and my thumb started twitching. My heart clenched as if it was longing for an old dear friend.
“Him? Who’s him?” I bit my lip, and looked away from Harry.
“You know who I’m talking about” Harry mumbled.
“I really have no idea who you’re talking about” I lied as I stared at my kind brother. Harry had a blank expression on his face, he sighed as he scratched the back of his neck.
“I’m talking about Nathan-“
“I haven’t talked to him” I said in a hurry, the alarms in my heart and head were already on, but I could do nothing about them now. The feelings were back again, the longing. The misery, the suffering, the love… hearing his name was enough to trigger these feelings in me. I wasn’t aware that I was digging my nails in my palms, until Harry put my hands in his and hugged me tight. That was when the tears came poured down my face.
“I don’t know if you’ll feel comfortable talking about it with me, but I’m always here for you. Okay?” He said, kissing the top of my head.
“Okay…” I mumbled into my brother’s chest and cried harder.
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have talked about him” Harry said and patted my back, letting me cry my heart out.
“You were right, Nathan doesn’t know what love is. I should have been more careful” I said, squeezing the collar of his shirt and continuing to sob.
“I… that was different” Harry muttered, it was obvious by the tone of his voice that he was frowning. “I was worried about you that’s why I said that. Plus, if he doesn’t know what love is, he wouldn’t have been cautious for the second time. I think I have actually not met anyone who has loved as much as him. I was afraid you get yourself in a one-sided love situation”
“And I did get myself in a one sided-love thing” I said, as I wiped my cheeks and begun to calm down a bit.
“No, I believe Nathan is deeply in love with you” Harry said.
“I don’t think so” I said, shaking my head.
“I think you should talk to him, tell him how much he means to you and listen to what he got to say”
“He broke my heart”
“Everyone makes mistakes, Nathan may seem perfect, but he’s not. And it’s normal you know. Also he had no idea things will turn out this way. Truthfully, he didn’t know you’ll fall for him”
“He was wrong”
“I know. But you have been wrong too, so many times in your life”
“But… I’m sick”
“So am I. I have depression and anxiety”
“Really?”
“Really”
“But… you don’t look depressed at all”
“I know” Harry said and smiled, “It’s because I don’t show it. I try to live for my dreams and focus on what’s important”
“How do I know what’s important?” I asked, frowning. Harry’s smile widened as he sighed and kissed my forehead.
“You have to follow your heart”
“But… it’s said the heart might make mistakes”
“Well, the heart and brain are actually linked together, I mean: You should do what makes you both happy and content”
“That’s complicated”
“I know, Jessie. But this is why it’s called; following your heart. You don’t just blindly do what makes you happy, alcoholics know the end is not happy, but they still drink. On the other hand, a few brushes and oil colors may seem stupid to some people, but artists can create beautiful things with them”
“I’m not an artist”
“You’re a writer”
“Not yet…”
“You’ll be a successful writer one day, I’m sure of it”
I stared at Harry, who I’ve found out recently that he was my brother, and who made me feel like I’ve found a treasure.
“Thank you for being here, Harry” I said and hugged him once again, but this time tighter.
“Ouch! You’re welcome my baby sister”
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