Nathan
My feelings were all over the place, I was feeling so many emotions altogether that I didn’t know which one was supposed to be exceeding the others. Rachel has been inside that room for a while now. And I have no idea what’s happening or spoken there. Most specifically; about me.
I don’t know if Jessie would speak to Rachel or would ignore her. I don’t know what the future holds for me and Jessie, But I hope my future is full of her.
I know deep inside that there’s a great probability that Jessie wouldn’t even want to stare at me again. But I couldn’t help but hope. Hope is a great treasure for mankind, but some useless hope may destroy us.
I’m not a negative person, no. I just know when I should be hopeful and when I shouldn’t. But… why do I feel hopeful now, when I shouldn’t?
The door to Jessie’s room slowly opened and Rachel walked out, she took deep breaths after closing the door behind her. Sometimes life warns us of happenings beforehand, most of the time it’s time life’s way of protecting us, such as through fight or flight reactions.
Some religious people claim they get dreams from god, or they get visions. But then some other times our own heart warns us, call it sixth sense or a pure heart, or whatever, it doesn’t matter. What mattered was despite all the mixed emotions I was feeling, my heart was beating furiously against my chest. As if it already knew before me about what has happened in that room.
As if my heart was inside Jessie’s room instead of my body.
“Rach, what happened? Is she okay?” Dave asked before I uttered a word. Rachel nodded her head and stared at me.
“She’s okay” She answered, staring at Dave then.
“Was she… you know… not mad at you?” Dave asked, ,my heart made another jump as I waited impatiently for Rachel to speak.
“No…” She replied, her voice coming out as a squeak.
“You don’t seem like you’re fine, what’s wrong?” Dave asked, taking small steps towards her. Rachel seemed like she just couldn’t hold it anymore, since she threw her arms around Dave’s waist and started crying.
Dave stared at me with worry, I shrugged and ran my hand through my hair.
“Seriously Rachel, what’s wrong? Is Jessie not okay? Did she remember you or didn’t want to talk to you or something?” Harry, who I’ve almost forgotten was standing there, said.
“She’s fine” Rachel mumbled as she pulled away from Dave and wiped her cheeks. “She just… doesn’t want to see Nathan anymore, she doesn’t even want to hear his name. I’m so sorry, Nathan! I’m so sorry… I never meant to… I swear… I…”
I smiled sadly at Rach and nodded.
“I know Rach, it’s okay. Everything will be fine” I said and rubbed her back for a few seconds.
But the truth was; nothing was okay, and everything was not fine at all. I felt like this was the end, this is why being hopeful and positive doesn’t work all the time, things just don’t turn out the way we want in life. And I knew I had to accept that fact. Acceptance will hurt, but it’s better than lying to our inner child, if we haven’t locked him out that is.
“I’m sorry, Nathan! Please forgive me” Rach’s voice interrupted my chain of thoughts. I sighed and looked at my sister, whose condition wasn’t better than mine. I put my arms around her and hugged her tight.
“It’s okay, sis. Don’t think like that, you’re still friends with her, and she’s doing fine. That’s what matters” I mumbled into her hair and pulled away. “Take care of her, okay?”
Rachel nodded, as another tear drop fell down her cheek, she frowned and held my hands in her tiny ones.
“She told me to tell you to leave the apartment” She said.
“I would have done that anyways” I muttered and kissed Rach’s cheek. Then slowly, with an aching heart, I walked away from my friends, from that door, and from that place which even smelled like Jessie for me. I wanted to get away from that place, otherwise I would have listened to my heart, and disaster might have happened.
Listening to my heart is not something I’d consider now, I had to stay away from Jessie, she already has many troubles, I don’t need to add more to them.
Maybe by staying away from her I can finally accept the fact that any type of relationship shouldn’t be based on lies. And maybe all these words I keep repeating to myself, and which I think are rational, will help me get over her, but most of all help me stop this pain.
So I drove without a destination in mind, I didn’t know where I was going and I didn’t care. Jessie wasn’t with me after all, so why would that matter? After driving, for I don’t know how many long hours. I found myself standing in front of the woodhouse.
Before I reached the door handle, my phone vibrated in my pocket. I looked at the caller ID and my heart skipped a beat.
“Hello?” I said.
“Hello, son!”
“Dr Harper! I haven’t heard from you for so long!” I said and bit my lip in anticipation.
“I know Nathaniel, I know. I was actually busy. How are you?” My supervisor asked.
“I’m good, how are you?” I lied, but it’s not like I’ll tell my supervisor about my personal life. Not when I have already been embarrassed in front of him once.
“I’m good too, son! I have great news for you!” He said.
“What could it be?” I asked, as my heart was beating so fast, like never before.
“Pack your things and travel back to Florida in a week, I have already booked you a ticket” He said.
“Umm… is the case solved?” I asked in an almost whisper, afraid of the answer.
“Yes, Nathaniel. It’s solved, now everybody knows you’re innocent. In fact Gerald wants to talk to you as soon as possible”
“Oh…”
“Oh? You don’t seem so happy, you should be happy. You’re being very quiet and not reacting like how I expected. You’ll be given one extra month to finish your research”
“That’s good, sorry I just didn’t have any hope regarding this matter. I thought this year was over for me.”
“Nonsense! How will I let that happen?”
“You’re right… sorry professor, I should have trusted you more than I did.”
“It’s fine, son. Anyways I’ll be waiting for you at the airport”
“Okay, professor. See you!”
“See you, Nathaniel!”
And just like that, this chapter of my life finished and another begun. My old life came back to me, and once again I got a broken heart, but this time I broke it myself.
ns 15.158.61.6da2
