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我在書枱前呆了大半日。熱茶已涼，但我未嚐半口，心思都在眼前電腦屏幕上——剛輸入的文字不停被刪。字越少，心越亂，人越躁。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsuDSVHFPC3
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkCON2Ms67i
不了。受不了。我離座往廚房換茶去。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqPPyS0fXya
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOQ3pUtxk8L
廳中老妻瞄我半眼，大概知道發生甚麼事，沒有作聲，繼續看電視。我對她的不表態不勝感激——她以最聰明的方法維護我的尊嚴。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAGSNj3mYHu
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvwmTuzkume
滾水撞上茶葉，水仙香氣隨著冉升白煙溢散開去。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3AK3kTYH4w
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhI0JuxQ4To
壓力似乎一併消散。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLoNV1BfLOW
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2GJsIJ7jKJ
茶盡。我再續杯。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbOznAStAsk
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKWkJd57ysi
添茶不是長遠之計——屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzk51QT714e
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhQVeEvONno
嘆一口氣，慨嘆自己太天真可愛。怎麼會相信自己有寫作天分，而且一信就是幾十年。幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我只得不停安慰自己說旁人不識貨。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH4vziUlshv
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6b7IvLcznw
口不對心。心裡其實清楚自己料子如何。但我還是堅持寫下去。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoVd70HJMMW
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTHVUSRj1S4
是習慣、面子、尊嚴緣故，更是不想承認自己做了一個長達幾十年的白日夢。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJekTltzNfl
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCzIXUt2I4u
夢醒一場空。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXXVPKhwbcv
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoTtBayegl6
我本平庸，無甚專長，唯獨寫作能力相對身邊友儕略高丁點。丁點而已，卻足以讓我樂透幾十年。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs3txmMqlsz
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiD3NQnQUk8
工作不順利時，我會告訴自己——我的專長不在工作上，所以被罵亦是無可厚非；人際關係不如意時，我會告訴自己——如果世人只能用文字溝通，我該是表達能力最好的人；走倒運時，我會告訴自己——我正在為快要誕生的偉大作品累積靈感……381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYEBX5LksX7
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsWAYstQhL1
一切都是有意義的。如果我真有寫作天分的話。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvtH2QMfYrm
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFkJSzFxdo2
捧著熱茶回到座位。身在心在能力不在。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuKtc7sgSzN
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRHrORXW4bf
在刺眼的屏幕白頁前，我又嘆一口氣。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC3bsBYXZph
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQqPDMfSyqh
我不曾長大，仍是幾十年前那個我，沉浸在中文老師讚賞的我。同學們紛表羨慕我的寫作天份，請教我如何想出精彩故事、練出動人文筆。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLmsZSZjjrY
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFSH2NNiOQO
我沾沾自喜。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYtTp8rKerV
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ85LKtSbHip
細心回想，我當時已覺竅門不在天分，而是努力。努力鑽研文字的運用，努力細味名著佳作當中的韻味，努力思考故事情節起伏，努力觀察分析人世百態……名副其實的將勤補拙。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzRbfa69yM9
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1f3JmW3U0S
但我沒有向同學們坦白。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMXelOYUAhL
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpvjHtLCUF2
因為我喜歡被讚賞的感覺。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Vxsf91dsK
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxUH5SrIS0I
努力，努力，努力。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwUO4iW2meP
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡByrFRNo0jO
我的寫作技巧與日俱增，亦在多個學屆寫作比賽中獲獎。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLQXfZqMpJS
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh6zzNfzZo5
我以為自己將來鐵定能夠成為作家。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCeQb4N2hWr
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡieH2F2gh0y
以為。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQQQfYaUSdP
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMAVDt6fUcx
告別校園後，我成為一個普通文職。普通收入，普通打扮，普通生活。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpYQ2fnL2Cn
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxbPsgK11de
普通得輕易被取代。普通得難以承受。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6vSg2epV17
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡALCJepxwpg
我不得不告訴自己我是多麼的有寫作天份！我是多麼的獨特！381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeMZb2GPFU5
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo2PoPuT6Le
某夜下班回家，我泡了一壺水仙，乘著茶香全情投入寫作世界。沒有外物打擾，我的世界只有我。一切如願。那麼順心，那麼安寧，那麼快樂。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlKaEhV8zWR
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ6Qttbkm9n
我的作品感動了我。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPOSS2r1B4G
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKqcs3V4Orj
我希望藉此找到更多懂我的人。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQsB16woJ76
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ84WeWG8SHT
幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我的世界與真實世界不斷相互碰撞。面對無止境的打擊，我不曾問自己為何堅持。因為一旦心生此等疑問，變相在內心種下「自我質疑」的根苗，一發不可收拾。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAcJf2730KF
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlbFqNzztKu
無法接受自己幾十年堅持建基於一個沒可能實現的夢想。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr8MaA4faWQ
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPSaucMGiF6
無法承受自己生來就是如此普通、平凡、平庸……381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ59BgYIkuj3
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTdMnq1JYot
熱茶又涼了。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnHcQkTvvJf
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKPpQ2BIq4J
屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdGXJiqT0wf
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ68DpD3JegY
老妻繼續以不表態維護我的尊嚴。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr1xoclEN3h
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZMa8obc13f
我的作品只感動了我。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxiGxaZLcUx
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeKgs5B1Idm
因為我的感受只有我讀得懂。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrf1ZLs3lqo
