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我在書枱前呆了大半日。熱茶已涼，但我未嚐半口，心思都在眼前電腦屏幕上——剛輸入的文字不停被刪。字越少，心越亂，人越躁。435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiL1SaZBFSU
435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo1ojYReQOn
不了。受不了。我離座往廚房換茶去。435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKTwIDw4zfQ
435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGsVfYwEnfd
廳中老妻瞄我半眼，大概知道發生甚麼事，沒有作聲，繼續看電視。我對她的不表態不勝感激——她以最聰明的方法維護我的尊嚴。435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUKGueif4WV
435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYimYnzm79y
滾水撞上茶葉，水仙香氣隨著冉升白煙溢散開去。435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGWoLfFNsW4
435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtuv0zMfdz2
壓力似乎一併消散。435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwW0Oxs6yDu
435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGNe4NAqFFe
茶盡。我再續杯。435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA3H0uMKFKz
435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGBOZwynrKl
添茶不是長遠之計——屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMcy8NsatAa
435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkgd7nMRgDl
嘆一口氣，慨嘆自己太天真可愛。怎麼會相信自己有寫作天分，而且一信就是幾十年。幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我只得不停安慰自己說旁人不識貨。435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKssTmL09Fs
435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKumt7HffPy
口不對心。心裡其實清楚自己料子如何。但我還是堅持寫下去。435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCOWjqmIBip
435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU5dqrc0jpw
是習慣、面子、尊嚴緣故，更是不想承認自己做了一個長達幾十年的白日夢。435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaj0v4sydY7
435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4xfbUQ67LO
夢醒一場空。435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKAUkIbAfWN
435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP41SbtthCX
我本平庸，無甚專長，唯獨寫作能力相對身邊友儕略高丁點。丁點而已，卻足以讓我樂透幾十年。435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIApJq7xadJ
435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEWeplLfmmv
工作不順利時，我會告訴自己——我的專長不在工作上，所以被罵亦是無可厚非；人際關係不如意時，我會告訴自己——如果世人只能用文字溝通，我該是表達能力最好的人；走倒運時，我會告訴自己——我正在為快要誕生的偉大作品累積靈感……435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWEdEZKaVEA
435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJdj9SlzDqv
一切都是有意義的。如果我真有寫作天分的話。435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0TOzrhDNJW
435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX2gk4yfPl0
捧著熱茶回到座位。身在心在能力不在。435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHlR6bKJYgV
435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡURwxHTPVoa
在刺眼的屏幕白頁前，我又嘆一口氣。435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ6FeC4KrRj
435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiutsEX8Ulz
我不曾長大，仍是幾十年前那個我，沉浸在中文老師讚賞的我。同學們紛表羨慕我的寫作天份，請教我如何想出精彩故事、練出動人文筆。435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQUXrSAgUQG
435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlsYGIxzuC5
我沾沾自喜。435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGXP5LjjUdP
435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaRLk9SEuW2
細心回想，我當時已覺竅門不在天分，而是努力。努力鑽研文字的運用，努力細味名著佳作當中的韻味，努力思考故事情節起伏，努力觀察分析人世百態……名副其實的將勤補拙。435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYd30vrCgen
435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA0rJWWa41g
但我沒有向同學們坦白。435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBVr9VTooUV
435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgiJHo8RjYg
因為我喜歡被讚賞的感覺。435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF8O5sT19YG
435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtPHqLI3C3O
努力，努力，努力。435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡopKADO2MVl
435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRpT2wb7uYa
我的寫作技巧與日俱增，亦在多個學屆寫作比賽中獲獎。435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXNZKYU6bgQ
435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡolKXLnock2
我以為自己將來鐵定能夠成為作家。435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2MwMEnFM2g
435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUzeYgZd7Nn
以為。435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4YcmdQIjJo
435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfq7sQ1FNDP
告別校園後，我成為一個普通文職。普通收入，普通打扮，普通生活。435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH6OiUnU4oT
435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQOE4x0zGrj
普通得輕易被取代。普通得難以承受。435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2t1ihp5SCL
435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ytYwGQBX4
我不得不告訴自己我是多麼的有寫作天份！我是多麼的獨特！435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiP5qx4RAvz
435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ35ngrPmnFR
某夜下班回家，我泡了一壺水仙，乘著茶香全情投入寫作世界。沒有外物打擾，我的世界只有我。一切如願。那麼順心，那麼安寧，那麼快樂。435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6rH4EWg5uL
435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHOgOEbpmho
我的作品感動了我。435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaYzIz5Lfwd
435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlBgD7ekzMr
我希望藉此找到更多懂我的人。435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1bH8gRf7p3
435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTRp5Fs8Omy
幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我的世界與真實世界不斷相互碰撞。面對無止境的打擊，我不曾問自己為何堅持。因為一旦心生此等疑問，變相在內心種下「自我質疑」的根苗，一發不可收拾。435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMpOC6ScC5t
435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnKsbboUBwL
無法接受自己幾十年堅持建基於一個沒可能實現的夢想。435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQKs0Mj9OiO
435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfjMQmp6y27
無法承受自己生來就是如此普通、平凡、平庸……435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyPSWUlLh0a
435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBIRt9ydf6s
熱茶又涼了。435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXLhTXsX4fh
435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6fEWlCYspe
屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBOdUQu8JIi
435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡghAYF1hqjf
老妻繼續以不表態維護我的尊嚴。435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZwjfIyN934
435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5F0A0EByBS
我的作品只感動了我。435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6dCB2gPmCJ
435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ1hRskvFO0
因為我的感受只有我讀得懂。435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCIMgrYzOQO
