x
午餐用膳後，男生們大多會將多餘時間花在學校操場，或場上打籃球，或場外觀賽。我亦不例外，在場邊與同學輕聲討論打球技巧。忘形之際，一個籃球高速自後側飛來，狠狠砸中我右耳耳背。場中男生上前向我連聲道歉，我只道不要緊。男生拾球後繼續回場較勁，沒把事情放心上。當然，我也沒所謂，小事一椿。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmaFfxeFV1r
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrzwW2Yrpb9
令我在意的反倒是球場另邊有個陌生男生對我微笑。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHlNNWn2w9I
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhyWODHmkOx
匆匆一笑，半秒即逝。他轉頭跟身邊友人繼續說說笑笑。我挺肯定自己想多了——對方不是故意對著我笑，僅是他的站立姿勢及面向角度湊巧朝著我這邊來。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6jNepVj2Sv
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1TTojNGdnT
但我還是記住了那抹笑容，記住了他的臉容氣質，記住日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoHBpyhpdyp
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAZR4d37rnS
為何記住？我解釋不了。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHwrM8jcQGw
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Qa1rRmLCx
好幾個月過去，夏天轉換為冬。颯颯寒風成功減少場邊女生數目，男生仍然在此閒聊逛蕩。同行朋友忽爾興起，動身到場裡打球。我笑笑婉拒，說吃飽想睡不想動。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYQLpb7ScHn
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyVPCcphi06
我獨坐長椅一邊，納悶之際，兩個男生前來佔坐長椅另端空位。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQScg14TN9B
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEhCFKJU2rG
其中一個是他。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtON2YSiLHJ
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLaGJG3T9u0
那笑那臉那明暗，歷歷在目。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa0ASeuNbgC
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcl66jLtLy8
心頭一顫，我馬上別過臉去。數秒後，我稍為冷靜，意識到自己的失態，佯裝無異，繼續觀看球賽。不過他似乎察覺我的異樣，有意無意對我展露笑容——一個意味深長的笑容。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmW7PnV4DnC
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8cDGgJtZU7
我尷尬離座回課室去。走樓梯至三樓時，他竟從後叫住我。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgXnR4yaJ0p
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjg0HeRwsrU
「你遺下銀包。」491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbBQrbm2Mli
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3o1RdoI7qV
「謝謝。」491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt3QryXyHWc
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡacrhDiEkM7
「不用客氣……」491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhrxN1u1JEL
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMaeNbFwHOl
奇怪。看他忸怩模樣，他似乎還有話要對我說。說甚麼？不是必須相識的陌生人可以如何打開話題？甚或是「為何要展開話題」？491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnhDr5R2p81
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4iFKFhDnLi
氣氛尷尬，四目交投，卻不知如何是好。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzJRwGouVuM
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCwX4I67MpV
直至提著半滿水桶和微濕地拖的校工在我倆之間經過，彼此才回過神來，甚有默契同時分別從兩個方向離開。我往上，他往下。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2w4OdxjXLn
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUhVyHIeU9o
誰料在午飯時間完結後，我們還是在五樓走廊再次碰面——原來我們都是中五生。由於班別不同、社交圈子不重疊，所以未曾正式認識。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUDQVCyHuYC
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd0eVzEPJzy
不要緊。現在互相自我介紹就可以。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ82W6jLV83x
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV1fe3PFSg0
「我是文班許家偉。」491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkfBIeIEjHG
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeO5YrAoEeC
「我是理班李浩榮。」491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBIGYuDaVAW
其實我早已知道許家偉。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt2sZuJIA8h
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9v12fIeyAP
我心儀對象就是喜歡許家偉。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcMWPc6RqlF
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVm0lnU2G6t
被拒絕的心情久久不散。我開始留意許家偉這個人。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡns3Cb4u3BE
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvvi3wVM7jB
拜託阿強向文班生打探有關許家偉的事。某文班生說許家偉無啥特別，亦無專長或短處，是個存在感不強的乖學生。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZocXXNKj8Y
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW4U2yjiyEH
我不明所以——為何心儀對象看上他？491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbgidCbcn51
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf05kTWB4zJ
不是認為心儀對象定要接受我或是對方必須比我優勝，只是我真的找不到許家偉有何可愛之處。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNoR4KF1fil
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmvKGjOVTRL
不服氣。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgLDDZZSA67
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf4xeRRRP7Q
繼續觀察他。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrVFDZYvOLx
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaUODqSDKSP
匆匆數月，秋去冬來，我對許家偉好奇不減。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsblDrFAeaj
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVLeQr1hqdp
某天午餐後，我和阿強發現許家偉獨坐操場長椅，於是立即齊齊上前佔據長椅另端，近距離觀察他。他似乎發現我們的奇異目光，動身離開。正感沒趣，阿強發現地上有一個銀包。查看內裡，看見許家偉的學生證。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuunIn1uGXQ
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEod0eLoFgD
阿強建議取走內裡金錢和學生證，再將銀包交到校務處。我反對，擔心惹禍上身。阿強問我是否討厭許家偉。我無正面回應，僅是堅持物歸原主。阿強讓步，將銀包遞給我。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJiK1nSxpfN
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNSfRbFBhEv
我急步追趕許家偉。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiMVSdLBv5P
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX7rZzheLLd
不明白自己此刻行為。正如阿強所問，我不是討厭許家偉嗎？人前，我一直表達對許家偉的討厭；人後，我曾多次理性分析過自己有沒有討厭他的實質理由。沒有，尤其在我對心儀對象忘情以後。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4D1BSmDtyn
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3fS7ApOTxL
奈何留意許家偉經已成為我的習慣。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrr8B607y0U
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqxlOpTAtMb
遠遠看見他的身影，我自然而然打起十二分精神；聽到心儀對象與好友聊天時提及許家偉，我對他的好奇大於對心儀對象的；走經中五級壁報板，會不經意試找許家偉的名字……491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaKfeMlSKww
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1FV2WN9H2a
「你遺下了銀包。」491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ24SS5UyVoq
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQBharbz7iA
「謝謝。」491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaNwqHN3rUR
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL2mpMynG5Y
「不用客氣……」491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCz0eI0Ya1B
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡllPRdq6hJ2
經已物歸原主。他道謝，我虛應，然後該是沒有然後。但我們還是愣在原地。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0YkrXJvz7s
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKLaFb7dnJn
該要說甚麼？還需要說甚麼？沒有啊！但我們還是原地愣著。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBIybaV2k3Y
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDrKaPxIsTB
他是否一早知道我？他是否早已察覺我在留意他？不會吧……491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRek8vgYSzH
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF3wfZYWNy8
我望入他雙眼。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQORfkGAK5K
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5FCtPkXI9E
不。我鐵定他不認識我。他的眼神迷惘疑惑忐忑，似乎在期待甚麼……491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCJ5V1xpVys
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgc3zM5Y5uG
一名校工在我和許家偉之間走過。我在視線被阻擋當刻回過神來，低頭轉身離開。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSzsFi7FSjG
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXlopdF4XDO
我回到操場側長椅。阿強仍在，問我有否教訓許家偉一頓。我苦笑罵他發神經。阿強收起笑容，認真勸我別壓抑情緒。我說理解許家偉是無辜的，不會繼續討厭他。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBfn8fr7g0e
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ19ZzdSR5M4
上課鈴聲響起，學生魚貫回課室去。人群中，我在五樓走廊與許家偉迎個正著。他驚訝之情洋溢於表。我反倒開懷笑了，笑他遲鈍，後知後覺。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOpfoA5MR8L
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZZYyH8Xbfe
許家偉臉紅，禮貌地點點頭，上前自我介紹。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpcdt0IGuJ0
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOVSm536gzf
「我是文班許家偉。」491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTNPP0qfA9W
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRYZmnw82JU
「我是理班李浩榮。」491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIcXf2RYIMv
畢業多年，我跟李浩榮從未聯絡過——當我這麼講，舊生聚會上人人皆表出乎意料：「你們當年那麼要好，竟然未曾聯絡一次？」491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ikw6tAhPz
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ94yWtq7X6
我笑笑點頭，不多解釋。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtVMsOqt5UB
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsM6b5BuGFK
畢業禮當晚，他告訴我，他的心儀對象喜歡我。我問他那女生是誰，我可以當面拒絕她。他說不必，因為他已不愛他。我感到奇怪：如已釋懷，為何重提。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZzDsXfQfPP
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgN3bXjrmsk
李浩榮笑笑，笑說他已覺悟，明白人的真正作用。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡakuXVommgU
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSR9tSJtly0
聽到這莫名其妙的答案，我就知道他醉了——他喝下很多酒。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI5sP0ZPsBA
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbjpkLmQPbn
他說人的真正作用就是將另外兩個不相識的人串連在一起，或是把深交的兩個人分開，例如那女生無意間將我帶到他的人生當中，而我又無意間成為他和青梅竹馬鬧翻原因。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7MLSyv7T2B
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtx5s8ArXJv
我大概聽出話裡的話。有點難過，有點無奈，有點害怕——害怕今晚坦白心聲以後，我和李浩榮再無交集。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNZZ9YMiV6A
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuaNrdPjF24
但我沒有阻止他。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8kYpFUrvNL
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtzARQlQizT
他壓抑已久，情感需要釋放。這很可能是我以朋友身份給他的最後禮物。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWCReJwP80h
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwDLAhx44qZ
我慫恿他繼續說下去。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiuvQbdxz5v
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyNEQ0bmzmm
他跟阿強相識於幼稚園。他倆都是頑皮孩子，經常氣得老師向父母投訴，父母夜裡就來一頓痛打。他們經常看到對方手腫腳瘀，起初會擔心對方身體，後來發現彼此不怕捱打，只怕玩得不痛快。相顧輕笑，再玩再捱打……玩著捱著，二人同甘共苦十四年，彼此之間有一種難以言喻的默契——只有阿強看出他非但未曾討厭我，反倒羨慕我的不起眼。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNL4EeVyHGW
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmc6rpoBOl3
我好奇李浩榮何解會羨慕不起眼的人。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwXS4cnMpgx
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPkNL3yfpOI
「不被注意、不被期望，方能活得自由稱心。」491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡotUN2VrXBz
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiCkafM5qdL
我問他是否有煩惱，可以向我傾訴，也許我能想出好辦法。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpa9PwwdUj9
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOkM58tGd8h
李浩榮報以苦笑，沒有正面回答。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡngOndj35yW
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnHB7tr0V5M
那夜，他喝得爛醉，我送他回家。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaz8Q4NgU4x
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡltEWnCrjlA
伯母應門。是個凶神惡煞的中年婦，語調急促，不帶尾音。她接過李浩榮，留下一句道謝，利落關門。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCPVAQzSJZd
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOM0BaRuGVL
門關。心頭若有所失——感覺永遠不會再見到李浩榮。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtiXblO57RI
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmlk3DcAgdh
其實沒甚麼大不了。這是人生必經的離合過程。不會令我受到任何傷害，亦不會令我蒙受任何損失。著實沒甚麼大不了。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3BNYGpJltl
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHGsNKHvFKn
但我掛念他。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfiBqPAgk68
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdWE0958gVH
不是偶然想起，不是遇上麻煩、需要向他求助，不是看見眼熟物件進而聯想。沒錯，是真正的掛念——我無法自欺。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNNSsZGqzL8
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7HxCISl63G
想起他，我不期然會笑；想起他，我感覺窩心；想起他，我會自覺孤單可憐。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSmFqk5586V
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnMqCrznkz8
我漸漸意識到這是甚麼一回事。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjucGVD7Yhy
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUxdr1vPlSl
糟糕了！怎麼辦？怎麼辦！不知道。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPveet4suCz
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQJdja2lqkM
不要說。不要聽。不要見。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNJLS7bKYin
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPYd88kUHxT
希望時間會沖淡一切。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxnNi1eqcvW
依稀記得畢業翌日在自家客廳梳化醒來的畫面。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKsbvR82FJF
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnfoDg5jTOd
首先映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。眼睛無法於短時間內適應，煞是暈眩，有一股酸餿灼熱自胸腔冒升。想吐。沒法吐。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGIhk05IiUy
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZvUGhpRXD5
阿媽沒有理會我，背對我在廚房煲湯。她對著湯煲說：「昨晚是他送你回來。」491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGU5aNrOhH8
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpVtHMlMspB
我敵不過暈眩與劇烈頭痛，重新軟癱梳化上。沒回話打算，反正阿媽定會繼續說下去。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡibS6eJUDB7
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8fH6DdMXJZ
「我不明白你為何喜歡他。」491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGjS9vUpWG4
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLhFEEeOy24
「我也不明白。」491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCNU6IzKG1E
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUcbHMJYk6l
「那就不要繼續喜歡。」491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyFY486TpEJ
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡayUT4iSxuQ
「感覺，並非可以自由控制的。」491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiLQqg0Tm1r
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡctQvhWknxF
「我亦無法自由控制我的兒子喜歡誰。」491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe9deCY7utm
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWg3vQ1pgrj
「我也無法自由選擇誰是我的母親。」491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfykWSkIhU0
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvKnl6wusy6
「真抱歉——未得你同意就把你生下來。」491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV8S0spoKX4
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9QpKwK7BiP
「你該要對我感到抱歉。」491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAPmqgE1eEm
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq7xPfW03MW
我晦氣，毫不掩飾對她的討厭。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpkO5GPX4TC
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw34D93B801
阿媽沒再多話，繼續在廚房忙著。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw4AA9y7kza
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbS70QdidZ0
真要命。人生就是那麼多無謂紛擾。我的人生屬於我，為何旁人總愛插手？491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcbhDJ9608K
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFweBIWsAk6
抵著頭痛，我硬撐起身子小便去。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4PX6vERho6
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWep20UHvF8
在抽氣扇綿延不斷的摩打聲襯托下，小便聲清脆得噁心。噁感令我清醒不少，昨晚回憶開始隱約浮現。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRjzr52LSi0
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhVXrDCgImL
我似乎講過一些不該出口的話。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk1TUrBrRtp
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz8PEZWQYaV
真的嗎？我真的把話說出口？491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAAUIWaBJ52
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMU40aq1dRC
為何這麼驚訝？阿強醉倒後，我特意喝下更多酒，不就是為了把話講出口嗎？491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLWCP4cPr4A
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8nsC8kVel9
便意盡，醉意消，騰出來的腦空間被後悔和自責分佔了。我呆上半晌才提起褲子洗手去。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtoFod378MB
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrXJq9aHHQ0
為何要走到這一步？491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT4GCASQK40
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWI7lKL6JRZ
阿強早已看出我對許家偉的感情，擔心我走上「歪路」。我有點兒生氣——誰有資格定義這是否歪路。阿強自知沒能說服我，乾脆將觀察所得告訴我媽。性格暴躁的阿媽一反常態，冷靜淡然勸我切勿繼續投放感情。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtBHPHJAAKp
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoHALAdbP04
「世人表裡不一。口說開明，實質守舊。」491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPA7HjJ8s3d
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQQznhir37u
「是嗎？你呢？你口說放棄，心底裡在支持我吧？」491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2RH2zEWLzV
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9FP5gwQRrk
「別倔強。」491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡohJQPz5B8E
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd3G2a9y4Mm
「我想要知道你的真正想法！別敷衍！別蒙混！」491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4PEg6o18GZ
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4jHIK34xZQ
「我想你放棄。」491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ50i3TuLEVf
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVN2tpqRvqD
「原因？」491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvkNy9gcM2e
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwuhCHpi5Ig
「現實終歸是現實的。你將要面對的困難並非單靠信念、希望和愛情就可以解決。」491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlq3dZOX87X
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKnjDE7FOQN
「我知道。」491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu5pE67qe9W
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC9hYMHVLwt
「何解還要繼續下去？」491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHV41900SgK
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgKjBK3jhk2
「感情易放難收。」491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ71w5UEB1xl
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg91AFHbSff
阿媽沒法回嘴——「感情」一詞明確否定了邏輯和理智，她還有何話可說，只得被動地待我回心轉意。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1rFFYpte1Z
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg4EMVzlbOd
傍晚，我約見阿強，在公園暗處與他打一架。我們手腫腳瘀，有如兒時被父母教訓一樣。看著彼此頹喪模樣，我既心痛亦生氣——我們的友誼不該淪落至此！我們該可以當一輩子兄弟手足！491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkYqHXiu573
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ2m4SQOjW3
架後，我沒有留下片言隻字，待身體稍稍恢復後首先離開回家去，懶理阿強依然躺在草地上粗喘不已。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUoCKMKuy0W
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4bSi6LVv5h
阿媽見我身上有傷，許是大概明白那是甚麼一回事，沒有多問，亦不予關心。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJo59HxHDuZ
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdC3FTlYIkd
我不在意，一心思考如何在畢業禮當晚向許家偉表白……491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5LelVCvA1T
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRTIewLZZOr
畢業禮，是終結也是新開始。學生們穿戴整齊，戰戰兢兢上台領受證書。莘莘學子前途未卜，能夠掌握在手的只有當下。今朝有酒今朝醉，齊齊喝酒齊齊醉。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtRly3iaw3E
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKBKqvl4PVH
阿強取來一支烈酒，邀我對飲：「追求真愛不是那麼容易。至少要比我更能喝。」491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7lD4WaHg80
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoWpJ4cGpj8
我欣然接受。他很了解我，許是估計到我將會乘著酒意找許家偉表白去。我唯一擺脫阿強的方法就是先把他灌醉。我們都不是省油的燈，自小經常一起偷偷喝酒，十分清楚對方酒量和醉態——一旦倒下，沒有廿四小時可醒不過來。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyO4QDFzOZN
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWJc3dCK9KC
小醉。半醉。大醉。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQulcfAhobk
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhBdz8t0SgL
阿強半伏枱邊，傻笑問我：「想好如何表白了沒？」491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFhKWxoFVE2
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkr6IM2U5xD
「直接講我愛他。」491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBbdiZTYft5
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5QYwRvgqYf
「如果他拒絕？」491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtY9yxgTuuM
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡicAGWS1SBn
「沒怎麼樣。就像我之前被女同學拒絕那樣。」491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfHt5kgYWpI
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPwd0MU33Ae
「如果他接受了？那怎麼辦？」491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBuvWsnw6Zu
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmufzotbUY7
「我當然是高興！」491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxBrcODAoOh
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAT2Q1BaXlS
「我在問，他會怎麼辦？你認為他的內心強大得能夠與你共同面對往後一切？」491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs8L9hr8GIg
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDRIChUj59U
阿強問了一個我沒有想及的問題。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Qbqs9YOyZ
事隔四十年，我和李浩榮在阿強的喪禮上再次聚頭。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhCPkNz17Nh
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwuRzuG7axH
李浩榮說他在畢業禮後與阿強斷絕了聯絡。我為此道歉。他問我為何道歉。我重提他酒後那段說話。他反問我是否真的認為過錯在我。我答不肯定——我無心令他們鬧翻，但我確是他們鬧翻的原因。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUAk4MQmbiL
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwo8vwV9czy
李浩榮苦笑，笑容意味深長。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡddCJ7n3HCs
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCQJhsdqgwn
「阿強沒講錯。你真懦弱。」491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb64vPiykBZ
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8oImjhc4Xi
「活了那麼多年，經歷那麼多事情，我不得不承認自己的懦弱。」491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP8adROcSJD
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡycw3tyQFLa
「你仍然單身？」491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXF5uBfSnF3
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIOxqHVZv0T
「是的。」491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMbvik1lUMd
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSIo8im4Rl6
「要我當媒嗎？」491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8BOLliMrpU
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwdsLKtpTFe
「不了。難為情。」491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmM91By3YXv
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOf6Z1helDB
李浩榮失笑，笑我不值得被愛。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEshyFx7rMc
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmXoxW01Fr7
我陪笑，笑說我懂得珍愛自己就可以。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8nVhNlW9Gi
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiPu2IGnQIh
多寒暄幾句，我和李浩榮相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXB54yoc1kd
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy3vI2mvkSd
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1FJjwVbgJS
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ74LGWzGyva
回家吧。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRju4G090mF
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqbeqz0JXo9
開門。門後空洞空虛空蕩蕩。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnjLGAyOmmu
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSuJ6MI0LZI
「戚戚慘慘悽悽，清清冷冷，覓覓尋尋。」興之所至，我一邊脫鞋，一邊倒背《聲聲慢》首三句。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCIsDWzGteC
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsE2pje2Qt0
「尋他千百度，驀然回首，那人卻在燈火闌珊處。」沒有脫襪，懶洋洋得撲到梳化上，順口接上《青玉案．元夕》末句。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs76r7lvT4j
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUXGuHgzSoB
枕臂望窗，映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。驀地憶起日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗，憶起他的臉容氣質，憶起那抹笑容。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ46Zh6dgZAv
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi8E7F8sUIn
大概是一見鍾情吧。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrINwn7NTC0
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnucZUvXXrW
奈何我當年愚鈍懵懂，後知後覺。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZCLprKW37D
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBtbQM0Egec
如果我當年及早清楚知道自己的意向，結果會否不一樣？491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZjsMfSxrAq
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4TDbTKuCkT
我笑自己想多了：結果會是一樣的。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9dnMQEuKWG
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGax1ytlN7T
我是懦弱的人，我珍愛自己，所以我不會為他人冒險。我寧願花上一輩子去幻想錯過了的美好愛情，亦不會勇敢踏前一步去追求愛情。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ57zkIFrxXS
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFXNw0L2ihR
李浩榮說得沒錯，我不值得被愛。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ482mHZDwEc
事隔四十年，昔日摯友躺在棺材裡，往日心上人站在我面前。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9yWWHUzRdt
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbkIWrq1cVN
百感交集……491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKyfOzEgst8
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnn1p0cBTN0
當年我為了許家偉與阿強鬧翻，事後亦沒敢聯絡許家偉。同時失去摯友和心上人，情感上的痛令我失眠了好幾年。那時候，還以為痛楚會一直維持下去，有如浪漫淒美感人的愛情電影情節。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN5KA6cGgLN
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi4eDgq0bcz
不過電影終究與現實不同：角色的難忘遭遇濃縮在短短一個半小時裡，情感故此顯得激烈而深刻；現實中的情感必須經過時間洗禮和加入許多愛情以外因素，例如家庭、工作、健康、個人財政等等。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC3tKT8wAbL
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEPdMRxSYBA
痛楚自然而然被淡化掉。我漸漸忘了阿強的忠肝義膽和許家偉的獨特魅力，直至今日再聚……491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpKnt8dUGoB
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXn1c8YHQOk
「認得我嗎？我是許家偉。」491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9hzt6wL5M3
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAB7aoXEp4i
「認得。你是文班的。」491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeMHYbd0B3Q
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtEWy8wIZmA
許家偉淺笑，笑容如昔，淡然清雅溫婉。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3mlZrj0Siu
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpPp1NekSlH
閒聊之間，發現他仍然單身。究其原因，他只道難為情。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS9baD7G6xn
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDeoVcEbYAN
「你不值得被愛。」我蔑笑。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMbz67FlvyO
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0fpGWECQwg
四十年過去，許家偉仍是當初那個許家偉。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsRNmEJHFbK
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSJgomn41N3
阿強沒講錯——他的內心不會強大得能夠與我共同面對一切。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL33VuyeGtd
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4JEdd5cQh4
「我懂得珍愛自己就可以。」許家偉笑著說。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvM5LSasUCr
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWGL0Eccecr
許家偉在認真？他真心認為這是珍愛自己的行徑？491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4ISk5W2xBo
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3kN9utwtfn
我哭笑不得。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWpThVz6K6w
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWvlhkwv2V1
無意跟他繼續對話。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuJLeHZLV28
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9lesI5Uhmj
多寒暄幾句，我和許家偉相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3IR6PBVtbt
491Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsjeGcSa42B
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。
