x
午餐用膳後，男生們大多會將多餘時間花在學校操場，或場上打籃球，或場外觀賽。我亦不例外，在場邊與同學輕聲討論打球技巧。忘形之際，一個籃球高速自後側飛來，狠狠砸中我右耳耳背。場中男生上前向我連聲道歉，我只道不要緊。男生拾球後繼續回場較勁，沒把事情放心上。當然，我也沒所謂，小事一椿。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfdUcCSjfdM
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzkUqApIQYo
令我在意的反倒是球場另邊有個陌生男生對我微笑。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4jadxC63pw
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBSCv1gDoDS
匆匆一笑，半秒即逝。他轉頭跟身邊友人繼續說說笑笑。我挺肯定自己想多了——對方不是故意對著我笑，僅是他的站立姿勢及面向角度湊巧朝著我這邊來。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm0wQDWDpq2
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv6OqspPLZr
但我還是記住了那抹笑容，記住了他的臉容氣質，記住日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9d1RJZXl46
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmlxwnOPDtf
為何記住？我解釋不了。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoK6F3HDHmU
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtxxlKgXkhZ
好幾個月過去，夏天轉換為冬。颯颯寒風成功減少場邊女生數目，男生仍然在此閒聊逛蕩。同行朋友忽爾興起，動身到場裡打球。我笑笑婉拒，說吃飽想睡不想動。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaKUiwxncrm
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlQDiZtRA3m
我獨坐長椅一邊，納悶之際，兩個男生前來佔坐長椅另端空位。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ71hPJpT5h5
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd0l5PJrdfA
其中一個是他。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCm69dEWtyg
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTaZUDiGwhW
那笑那臉那明暗，歷歷在目。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRkwPLihdrx
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnbjhbeeDcN
心頭一顫，我馬上別過臉去。數秒後，我稍為冷靜，意識到自己的失態，佯裝無異，繼續觀看球賽。不過他似乎察覺我的異樣，有意無意對我展露笑容——一個意味深長的笑容。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ67ZeWIg9hb
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4ORN8LVkR3
我尷尬離座回課室去。走樓梯至三樓時，他竟從後叫住我。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2TjQnsokfQ
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDPSPfDoM7F
「你遺下銀包。」459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVAkROE4KWV
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp05WZF5rLE
「謝謝。」459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLMPJnyJc5e
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbVp310hGQS
「不用客氣……」459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcVF9Sa7I5b
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB27pnsGQwt
奇怪。看他忸怩模樣，他似乎還有話要對我說。說甚麼？不是必須相識的陌生人可以如何打開話題？甚或是「為何要展開話題」？459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡACrKrwoEbs
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8eCCE4DCe8
氣氛尷尬，四目交投，卻不知如何是好。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpWXPaj5e7r
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi3KLZ9oAve
直至提著半滿水桶和微濕地拖的校工在我倆之間經過，彼此才回過神來，甚有默契同時分別從兩個方向離開。我往上，他往下。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe32tzl3ePL
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡapCkhSLr9D
誰料在午飯時間完結後，我們還是在五樓走廊再次碰面——原來我們都是中五生。由於班別不同、社交圈子不重疊，所以未曾正式認識。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrFJxzUQlx9
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI0ldN00Bct
不要緊。現在互相自我介紹就可以。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJMRcIhpLUv
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlUvWvtXNmU
「我是文班許家偉。」459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFGRr74p2kc
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpKqIQjt0QS
「我是理班李浩榮。」459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDSvznE8voi
其實我早已知道許家偉。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR7AixJnQsO
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡji2xSwwDiU
我心儀對象就是喜歡許家偉。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAYXFcaYEc1
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyiWGMMfXZL
被拒絕的心情久久不散。我開始留意許家偉這個人。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHVJwtPQ4Mz
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzGacd5PhnZ
拜託阿強向文班生打探有關許家偉的事。某文班生說許家偉無啥特別，亦無專長或短處，是個存在感不強的乖學生。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpTm7dlA8OL
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnhtsrFbDTa
我不明所以——為何心儀對象看上他？459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqNhv01SDE0
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡECB2G54agR
不是認為心儀對象定要接受我或是對方必須比我優勝，只是我真的找不到許家偉有何可愛之處。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡExcxcKE8Gj
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ2ORITHOrK
不服氣。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpGiSdDzES2
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVItIozqYx9
繼續觀察他。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTgmKzvy7I9
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgRAXx5UiM6
匆匆數月，秋去冬來，我對許家偉好奇不減。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAgxJPe8jqg
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaQwNmj6sjY
某天午餐後，我和阿強發現許家偉獨坐操場長椅，於是立即齊齊上前佔據長椅另端，近距離觀察他。他似乎發現我們的奇異目光，動身離開。正感沒趣，阿強發現地上有一個銀包。查看內裡，看見許家偉的學生證。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ReEzMkYOH
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ1edADJklc
阿強建議取走內裡金錢和學生證，再將銀包交到校務處。我反對，擔心惹禍上身。阿強問我是否討厭許家偉。我無正面回應，僅是堅持物歸原主。阿強讓步，將銀包遞給我。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZOdvXiAeBo
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡclvJi4IHrE
我急步追趕許家偉。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJYsjrNND3U
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7S1G4xSnEa
不明白自己此刻行為。正如阿強所問，我不是討厭許家偉嗎？人前，我一直表達對許家偉的討厭；人後，我曾多次理性分析過自己有沒有討厭他的實質理由。沒有，尤其在我對心儀對象忘情以後。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq3QEyFIg7P
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdYB7Mj9Bl8
奈何留意許家偉經已成為我的習慣。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlMbFb4vDUq
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtNlvFOaK5v
遠遠看見他的身影，我自然而然打起十二分精神；聽到心儀對象與好友聊天時提及許家偉，我對他的好奇大於對心儀對象的；走經中五級壁報板，會不經意試找許家偉的名字……459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcqHOY5B9LI
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwCsK7y0SVG
「你遺下了銀包。」459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ93dCMS9DEb
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzwb78i7oIN
「謝謝。」459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZhtYECKjAZ
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR245UqUISv
「不用客氣……」459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8r6hoVjo1h
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlzDmDvjv7x
經已物歸原主。他道謝，我虛應，然後該是沒有然後。但我們還是愣在原地。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEK5WxUuJ85
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhrgTDfpZOh
該要說甚麼？還需要說甚麼？沒有啊！但我們還是原地愣著。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiZa4ZgfDf1
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW8QEH0PoCQ
他是否一早知道我？他是否早已察覺我在留意他？不會吧……459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVyeXqt16NQ
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8SZworphn6
我望入他雙眼。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwFdkRsxasj
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ05mIsSRYsr
不。我鐵定他不認識我。他的眼神迷惘疑惑忐忑，似乎在期待甚麼……459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlHgpjjoife
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmYtH2MdLsP
一名校工在我和許家偉之間走過。我在視線被阻擋當刻回過神來，低頭轉身離開。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsZm53ONczW
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡePwQ6tCcOZ
我回到操場側長椅。阿強仍在，問我有否教訓許家偉一頓。我苦笑罵他發神經。阿強收起笑容，認真勸我別壓抑情緒。我說理解許家偉是無辜的，不會繼續討厭他。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtwaGjv8Tfk
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4bxkbAkBVV
上課鈴聲響起，學生魚貫回課室去。人群中，我在五樓走廊與許家偉迎個正著。他驚訝之情洋溢於表。我反倒開懷笑了，笑他遲鈍，後知後覺。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3AS3WGCxtj
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAxHHFOzY8C
許家偉臉紅，禮貌地點點頭，上前自我介紹。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtJXnOJu0GG
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLXZpo6Ectx
「我是文班許家偉。」459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEqqeLt0Cef
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU9wCEp2hy4
「我是理班李浩榮。」459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9dZprapqE7
畢業多年，我跟李浩榮從未聯絡過——當我這麼講，舊生聚會上人人皆表出乎意料：「你們當年那麼要好，竟然未曾聯絡一次？」459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ66scTzv1k1
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEKB98yWFpI
我笑笑點頭，不多解釋。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWocrKfbCv0
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNYziRDywnR
畢業禮當晚，他告訴我，他的心儀對象喜歡我。我問他那女生是誰，我可以當面拒絕她。他說不必，因為他已不愛他。我感到奇怪：如已釋懷，為何重提。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuIl426PKga
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMFv9CI1NkM
李浩榮笑笑，笑說他已覺悟，明白人的真正作用。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUyoJqKWIg2
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Hn8UNbwGI
聽到這莫名其妙的答案，我就知道他醉了——他喝下很多酒。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6ysQqpd1bQ
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbZxrRv4wv0
他說人的真正作用就是將另外兩個不相識的人串連在一起，或是把深交的兩個人分開，例如那女生無意間將我帶到他的人生當中，而我又無意間成為他和青梅竹馬鬧翻原因。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpwMY8WYlMT
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJxh4WJ6iZO
我大概聽出話裡的話。有點難過，有點無奈，有點害怕——害怕今晚坦白心聲以後，我和李浩榮再無交集。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrsefAyKrzc
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhGs3EKxCB7
但我沒有阻止他。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEkmcRiXPFl
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ97yjZdIMit
他壓抑已久，情感需要釋放。這很可能是我以朋友身份給他的最後禮物。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx9KYURDCZe
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaLRqMfDVQ6
我慫恿他繼續說下去。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyKulLigVAJ
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSAA5B6hvVZ
他跟阿強相識於幼稚園。他倆都是頑皮孩子，經常氣得老師向父母投訴，父母夜裡就來一頓痛打。他們經常看到對方手腫腳瘀，起初會擔心對方身體，後來發現彼此不怕捱打，只怕玩得不痛快。相顧輕笑，再玩再捱打……玩著捱著，二人同甘共苦十四年，彼此之間有一種難以言喻的默契——只有阿強看出他非但未曾討厭我，反倒羨慕我的不起眼。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhgAxj4xyQK
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsiShrPHA6Z
我好奇李浩榮何解會羨慕不起眼的人。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqJCxSQJcqj
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsK5B3zNzQN
「不被注意、不被期望，方能活得自由稱心。」459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo2KIlzPSKf
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQkIEmqgYBM
我問他是否有煩惱，可以向我傾訴，也許我能想出好辦法。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhOU0wgVepv
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSW1JmOTQDU
李浩榮報以苦笑，沒有正面回答。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmXzaEAeQN1
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTM73WCWhIx
那夜，他喝得爛醉，我送他回家。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0l9A1pYHM1
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNK3rvwmsvy
伯母應門。是個凶神惡煞的中年婦，語調急促，不帶尾音。她接過李浩榮，留下一句道謝，利落關門。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn9Wx4rCmXk
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwzpzgRQd77
門關。心頭若有所失——感覺永遠不會再見到李浩榮。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuIXZwUs4Cf
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm2PnIo3xKY
其實沒甚麼大不了。這是人生必經的離合過程。不會令我受到任何傷害，亦不會令我蒙受任何損失。著實沒甚麼大不了。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl2H0cxkijl
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF2N6i8MqV3
但我掛念他。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUESbLdfHuF
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOKVVr4AS6U
不是偶然想起，不是遇上麻煩、需要向他求助，不是看見眼熟物件進而聯想。沒錯，是真正的掛念——我無法自欺。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOfrCGBlAVI
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4yWHIF6ima
想起他，我不期然會笑；想起他，我感覺窩心；想起他，我會自覺孤單可憐。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmNojKzkACO
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOxNFvvFmr6
我漸漸意識到這是甚麼一回事。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB3DhNeOOzO
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw0TBt6GwjA
糟糕了！怎麼辦？怎麼辦！不知道。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYYmcDkOiJz
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8GdZ2QwWeO
不要說。不要聽。不要見。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkz0yTFnCaz
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV7vWUpxMkh
希望時間會沖淡一切。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT2a0yYcLHp
依稀記得畢業翌日在自家客廳梳化醒來的畫面。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJULl7sWXYk
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOUonknaWtZ
首先映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。眼睛無法於短時間內適應，煞是暈眩，有一股酸餿灼熱自胸腔冒升。想吐。沒法吐。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKvlFexkK9k
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLmeE2sPOKs
阿媽沒有理會我，背對我在廚房煲湯。她對著湯煲說：「昨晚是他送你回來。」459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1jQjxmWbTG
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLLcG29C3tF
我敵不過暈眩與劇烈頭痛，重新軟癱梳化上。沒回話打算，反正阿媽定會繼續說下去。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfRNcV5szig
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVvVbDm31JN
「我不明白你為何喜歡他。」459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxMMtxSCdrw
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyQsB84jXJn
「我也不明白。」459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf9lb6agbSZ
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXRB9fh6UJt
「那就不要繼續喜歡。」459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4y2JL6Ldv4
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoceOZGcHmM
「感覺，並非可以自由控制的。」459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGHXZgSo54w
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡejT8mOMHH8
「我亦無法自由控制我的兒子喜歡誰。」459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLs1wwEG58L
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXV4Zjwaxkx
「我也無法自由選擇誰是我的母親。」459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1HQnXKEJzq
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlycI0QDzlS
「真抱歉——未得你同意就把你生下來。」459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2rByAcjeY4
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdacflRDbH0
「你該要對我感到抱歉。」459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaWJKiBpl90
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ88CXi2MnJU
我晦氣，毫不掩飾對她的討厭。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx27jbpcaOn
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt8B7Zr6ur5
阿媽沒再多話，繼續在廚房忙著。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIVRa9vs3wy
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJzAtAVE1sq
真要命。人生就是那麼多無謂紛擾。我的人生屬於我，為何旁人總愛插手？459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLMk2W5okuv
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSyjdlFydDx
抵著頭痛，我硬撐起身子小便去。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpODG1nkfDA
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcgndXC25s7
在抽氣扇綿延不斷的摩打聲襯托下，小便聲清脆得噁心。噁感令我清醒不少，昨晚回憶開始隱約浮現。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSGsKQpWtPY
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfcJHJZIAG9
我似乎講過一些不該出口的話。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHXohVFDo74
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3VTgyuViwV
真的嗎？我真的把話說出口？459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYNid20U2CP
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMCHaCB9Vig
為何這麼驚訝？阿強醉倒後，我特意喝下更多酒，不就是為了把話講出口嗎？459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIQ9v63YBBo
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBbGvQEuwHP
便意盡，醉意消，騰出來的腦空間被後悔和自責分佔了。我呆上半晌才提起褲子洗手去。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm14EJhVmLX
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkmuydwIO02
為何要走到這一步？459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzc9mtvdkzu
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXKF94XCvZQ
阿強早已看出我對許家偉的感情，擔心我走上「歪路」。我有點兒生氣——誰有資格定義這是否歪路。阿強自知沒能說服我，乾脆將觀察所得告訴我媽。性格暴躁的阿媽一反常態，冷靜淡然勸我切勿繼續投放感情。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT8T916zkpl
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMHoDxkgmtf
「世人表裡不一。口說開明，實質守舊。」459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2nztesF2tf
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSTTqwrYXve
「是嗎？你呢？你口說放棄，心底裡在支持我吧？」459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMN2Hs0sSGa
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLYWMDSkpuI
「別倔強。」459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJJTzUwLNUS
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeheC8ie7ve
「我想要知道你的真正想法！別敷衍！別蒙混！」459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsbCmCy78mS
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡausx551Iir
「我想你放棄。」459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHPY0maKaeO
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1VlovSBGaQ
「原因？」459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4fkmbPjTMV
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDf1Siisile
「現實終歸是現實的。你將要面對的困難並非單靠信念、希望和愛情就可以解決。」459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWanKK9cX4K
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmIajDyKcRj
「我知道。」459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnPhBeaEkgg
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTImGY47xdB
「何解還要繼續下去？」459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNHArWSVbuU
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHL5her2QoQ
「感情易放難收。」459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS86DEiyUl2
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq8korjDz5G
阿媽沒法回嘴——「感情」一詞明確否定了邏輯和理智，她還有何話可說，只得被動地待我回心轉意。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqEshse6b24
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmj7GAARosy
傍晚，我約見阿強，在公園暗處與他打一架。我們手腫腳瘀，有如兒時被父母教訓一樣。看著彼此頹喪模樣，我既心痛亦生氣——我們的友誼不該淪落至此！我們該可以當一輩子兄弟手足！459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOP0fmyXz85
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZruOQYw8Wn
架後，我沒有留下片言隻字，待身體稍稍恢復後首先離開回家去，懶理阿強依然躺在草地上粗喘不已。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU0uTmIAQkP
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhXjLmBhPeH
阿媽見我身上有傷，許是大概明白那是甚麼一回事，沒有多問，亦不予關心。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5LWGv3wASF
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBrQEdtivPf
我不在意，一心思考如何在畢業禮當晚向許家偉表白……459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDN2x8JekNz
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvBoZj4Cdhk
畢業禮，是終結也是新開始。學生們穿戴整齊，戰戰兢兢上台領受證書。莘莘學子前途未卜，能夠掌握在手的只有當下。今朝有酒今朝醉，齊齊喝酒齊齊醉。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYouKgLZuTe
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUyxe1fhwbL
阿強取來一支烈酒，邀我對飲：「追求真愛不是那麼容易。至少要比我更能喝。」459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx3D4dsuwte
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡozFqOM4aiF
我欣然接受。他很了解我，許是估計到我將會乘著酒意找許家偉表白去。我唯一擺脫阿強的方法就是先把他灌醉。我們都不是省油的燈，自小經常一起偷偷喝酒，十分清楚對方酒量和醉態——一旦倒下，沒有廿四小時可醒不過來。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf2nSfi3Hkt
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIQPgeCOuRM
小醉。半醉。大醉。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqpq1hxFIrk
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbIyz4QuUau
阿強半伏枱邊，傻笑問我：「想好如何表白了沒？」459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn5FqGCvSGJ
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXdOV5yIXWu
「直接講我愛他。」459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNsNVfcmAgT
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1oFtzD4VtS
「如果他拒絕？」459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIf6VJo8LTF
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhWxIMN33QN
「沒怎麼樣。就像我之前被女同學拒絕那樣。」459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZaZ2a0JDGv
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8nwm6EhTv7
「如果他接受了？那怎麼辦？」459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOAtFIrzevu
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXJMg5fG8fK
「我當然是高興！」459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLweHtkuKPJ
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNNvqAXxfGZ
「我在問，他會怎麼辦？你認為他的內心強大得能夠與你共同面對往後一切？」459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8BJmBtm03f
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqvwPa9mgXW
阿強問了一個我沒有想及的問題。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSPAef3E6Bx
事隔四十年，我和李浩榮在阿強的喪禮上再次聚頭。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIapE0kf3Vy
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKKR6Gf5szp
李浩榮說他在畢業禮後與阿強斷絕了聯絡。我為此道歉。他問我為何道歉。我重提他酒後那段說話。他反問我是否真的認為過錯在我。我答不肯定——我無心令他們鬧翻，但我確是他們鬧翻的原因。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZPTkqnLMm3
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1hZnp4SOCS
李浩榮苦笑，笑容意味深長。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaAcinCLV1n
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp6BUWvMztX
「阿強沒講錯。你真懦弱。」459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU8gldvsTQf
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ2jO3R6hWD
「活了那麼多年，經歷那麼多事情，我不得不承認自己的懦弱。」459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKHhoCo2rd3
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW7F0BYACsD
「你仍然單身？」459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiXGwrvMCDE
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡROJT0m12xy
「是的。」459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnXDe2uufzL
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH0pmIv7kZz
「要我當媒嗎？」459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKpHb6BAPWA
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGMCTaEFKWx
「不了。難為情。」459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpNXWqnL7sp
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJw9AWw07CA
李浩榮失笑，笑我不值得被愛。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUGCEs1A6A4
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIvRfRHYKmY
我陪笑，笑說我懂得珍愛自己就可以。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡprnPXKO5Mc
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtCz9gG4efo
多寒暄幾句，我和李浩榮相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOfTAde6WzK
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC19GyutMcO
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDSYRdTyKQD
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRcvnVmonyZ
回家吧。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwOCHTI4I6o
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ37S7styd8j
開門。門後空洞空虛空蕩蕩。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoZIxYypD9p
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJYY7vcO9vT
「戚戚慘慘悽悽，清清冷冷，覓覓尋尋。」興之所至，我一邊脫鞋，一邊倒背《聲聲慢》首三句。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqsdWy6OLvw
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV2IdAhD74v
「尋他千百度，驀然回首，那人卻在燈火闌珊處。」沒有脫襪，懶洋洋得撲到梳化上，順口接上《青玉案．元夕》末句。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBNit3oTGCx
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeSIanOxaet
枕臂望窗，映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。驀地憶起日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗，憶起他的臉容氣質，憶起那抹笑容。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIrmIXKpGPl
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEacr1uqlis
大概是一見鍾情吧。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtW7E4bQXOm
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKxJLMs8yuM
奈何我當年愚鈍懵懂，後知後覺。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4WBqFmH6io
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKcCgWtBHRC
如果我當年及早清楚知道自己的意向，結果會否不一樣？459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCplPXyP6WH
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe0zQ1uQfEs
我笑自己想多了：結果會是一樣的。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSJ5twVVmRF
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpKVXD2kCoH
我是懦弱的人，我珍愛自己，所以我不會為他人冒險。我寧願花上一輩子去幻想錯過了的美好愛情，亦不會勇敢踏前一步去追求愛情。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRlpMwX2RF1
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEJo5PNYrsN
李浩榮說得沒錯，我不值得被愛。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqjDrL7XIFd
事隔四十年，昔日摯友躺在棺材裡，往日心上人站在我面前。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMzQxNGdLzw
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnM9yvxdrkT
百感交集……459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBBD9U3pLpF
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡha7QeR1j3l
當年我為了許家偉與阿強鬧翻，事後亦沒敢聯絡許家偉。同時失去摯友和心上人，情感上的痛令我失眠了好幾年。那時候，還以為痛楚會一直維持下去，有如浪漫淒美感人的愛情電影情節。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkxQY9rnMkp
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzIlwDsLCPN
不過電影終究與現實不同：角色的難忘遭遇濃縮在短短一個半小時裡，情感故此顯得激烈而深刻；現實中的情感必須經過時間洗禮和加入許多愛情以外因素，例如家庭、工作、健康、個人財政等等。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpS75Lolpv5
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ94OaLknNfn
痛楚自然而然被淡化掉。我漸漸忘了阿強的忠肝義膽和許家偉的獨特魅力，直至今日再聚……459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4ZVwadKS6W
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpURKh67S0l
「認得我嗎？我是許家偉。」459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7dWnZqjLrM
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcDyZsQBMjt
「認得。你是文班的。」459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHmQpNOEHnr
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH9c2yrav5K
許家偉淺笑，笑容如昔，淡然清雅溫婉。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHrtoCoz0dX
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfiA0BJ3HJc
閒聊之間，發現他仍然單身。究其原因，他只道難為情。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbnPJ1sclWL
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs8ePlUBo6n
「你不值得被愛。」我蔑笑。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLbR8mm6eEW
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqKCNetym9K
四十年過去，許家偉仍是當初那個許家偉。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG9LScugEc8
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDw2Rsz5pR5
阿強沒講錯——他的內心不會強大得能夠與我共同面對一切。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnxaWRURA7d
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCJTzXBR9Ni
「我懂得珍愛自己就可以。」許家偉笑著說。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1vPV4Rj3Xe
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyNITANmpGF
許家偉在認真？他真心認為這是珍愛自己的行徑？459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU3zQhoA0sk
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqlBqGcZiep
我哭笑不得。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRmXetunUgh
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡziC1XcNGgA
無意跟他繼續對話。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI8kCQLQzP4
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPmY9BhOJAy
多寒暄幾句，我和許家偉相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPzKsE3hRSQ
459Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3DIv10Y3C5
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。
